BH- Lesson 19- "I don't have time for my family!" - Hamam Nassereddine

10 المشاهدات· 24/10/24

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

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Transcript

[0:00]shd [Music] all right last week we were speaking about uh what

[0:38]comes after mentioning the expectations we were talking about uh husband and

[0:44]a wife or to be more precise two people who wanted to

[0:49]get married and we said that it would be wise before they

[0:52]get married that each one mentions to the other his or her

[0:57]expectations this will make make the marital process uh easier and each

[1:08]one will be aware of what he is getting himself into um

[1:12]as they say what he or she is signing up for um

[1:18]after that we mentioned that it would be wise for them both

[1:26]the husband and the wife or the man and the woman to

[1:28]learn the laws pertaining to uh marriage to learn about the rights

[1:35]what are the rights of the husband over the wife and what

[1:40]are the rights of the wife over the husband but we did

[1:42]mention and we focused on the following point we did mention that

[1:49]they should be aware that what's mentioned in is not the end

[1:55]goal in the jurists mentioned the bare minimum of what the husband

[2:01]should do towards his wife and what the wife should do towards

[2:04]her husband but this does not mean that this is all that

[2:07]Allah tal wants from a husband or a wife if we want

[2:13]to understand the full picture if we want to understand the uh

[2:17]the complete picture then we'd have to refer to the recommendations of

[2:29]and see what said regarding spousal treatment meaning what does Allah or

[2:38]expect what does Allah or what do expect from a husband from

[2:41]a Muslim Shia husband in regards to the way he treats his

[2:48]wife and vice versa what does Allah what do expect from a

[2:53]lady regarding the way she treats her husband how is she supposed

[2:59]to treat her husband what what is a good husband in the

[3:01]dictionary of and what is a good wife in the dictionary of

[3:06]if we want to understand this matter simply looking at will not

[3:14]be enough you have to look at what they said their recommendations

[3:18]which are found in theth and of course one should look at

[3:22]how Allah treat for example and how treated or how the light

[3:38]treated the light how Ali treated FAA and how Fatima treated Ali

[3:43]at that point the person will understand yes this is how a

[3:50]sh Muslim husband should behave and this is how a Shia Muslim

[3:54]wife should behave today the lesson is very straightforward but it's an

[4:02]important lesson because it will contain AI it contains a from speaking

[4:07]about you know good treatment how uh a husband should treat his

[4:14]wife properly and how the wife should also treat her husband properly

[4:18]so I'll share some aith with you some narrations and we're going

[4:25]to realize that some of these narrations don't only apply to uh

[4:32]the husband and the wife some apply to uh the husband or

[4:37]the wife and the children as well so your family basically these

[4:42]narrations are found in let's start with two narrations we're gonna start

[4:48]with the men J G to start with the men and then

[4:52]we'll go to the women oh yes yes sorry so the narration

[5:12]here says this is a scary tradition the prophet says cursed cursed

[5:26]is the one who loses his family he loses them meaning he

[5:39]doesn't show enough attention to his for example wife or to his

[5:43]children he doesn't show them enough attention he doesn't show them proper

[5:49]attention he doesn't show them care to the point what happens he

[5:56]loses them when the prophet says he's talking about and are who

[6:18]they're the people that depend on you the people that depend on

[6:24]you the people that you support and or financially support so when

[6:31]we have for example a family uh a Muslim family naturally naturally

[6:37]the man is what the one who uh supports the wife financially

[6:46]and also supports the children financially he's the protector of the family

[6:52]right he's the man of the house thus he has to be

[6:58]the protector he has to be the caretaker not to say that

[7:02]the lady isn't a caretaker she is as well and she has

[7:04]a vital role amongst her family but the man is a protector

[7:09]the man is the sustainer the one who sustains financially sustains the

[7:13]family so the prophet says if a person loses his he's my

[7:20]own meaning he loses them because of his own shortcomings and here

[7:24]we can think of uh multiple or many examples multiple or many

[7:32]examples for example when a person when a man only pays attention

[7:40]to his work this is a problem that we see in society

[7:43]a man will only pay attention to his work will only pay

[7:50]attention to you know acquiring money but will not give his children

[7:56]proper attention and also might not give his wife proper attention as

[8:02]a result his children end up deviating they become misled they abandon

[8:12]their religion or they remain Muslim but they behave like non-muslims if

[8:18]you open their passports it says sh Muslim beautiful but if you

[8:22]look at their behavior they resemble kufar this believers why because the

[8:32]father isn't showing enough attention to his children he's only focusing on

[8:36]work one might say so you're telling us we shouldn't focus on

[8:38]work I didn't say that obviously you have to work as a

[8:43]man right you have to provide for your family but you also

[8:45]have to give attention to your wife and to your children uh

[8:50]that's part of your role as a man life comes with challenges

[8:59]um sometimes a person's work consumes a lot of his time that's

[9:07]a given but you can still give some time to your wife

[9:09]you can still give some time to your children in fact you

[9:14]have to give them time it's their right especially when you realize

[9:18]that if you don't give them time if you don't speak to

[9:23]them if you don't hear them out as they say they might

[9:28]deviat I've said this before and I'll say it again sometimes there

[9:35]are satanic thoughts that might be going through the child the the

[9:40]the mind of of of a child sometimes the child might be

[9:44]having atheistic thoughts Suicidal Thoughts how in the world will I know

[9:54]what's going through his or her mind if we don't talk with

[9:58]each other so have living some time with your children spending time

[10:04]with your children and obviously with your spouse is very important because

[10:10]that plays role in what in protecting them from deviation at the

[10:13]end of the day if someone works and works and works and

[10:15]acquires a fortune but he loses his wife his wife let's say

[10:22]abandons him or what's worse she abandons their religion or his children

[10:28]abandon him or abandon the religion which is worse um will he

[10:34]have gained anything he gained money then what who are you gting

[10:37]the money for you're acquiring money you're working you're trying to get

[10:41]money for who for your children but you lost your children that's

[10:47]one example that's one example a person can think of obviously other

[10:54]uh examples let me give one more because it highly pret to

[11:01]our era the first example by the way also uh pertains to

[11:06]our era because we see you know examples of of of such

[11:09]cases unfortunately but the second example isan someone places his child in

[11:16]the wrong environment and expects him to become what Salman Al muhammadi

[11:23]he places his child in the wrong environment in a polluted environment

[11:32]in an environment that pulls them away from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[11:36]and teaches him Concepts that contradict human nature and Quran and and

[11:48]then he expects the child to become what to be he will

[11:59]be like that I hope so yeah Allah I hope so but

[12:03]we have to be realistic as we said last week if I'm

[12:05]placing my child in the wrong environment in a polluted environment that

[12:11]pushes him away from how can I expect him to be the

[12:18]next Sal muhammadi or to be the next and that it doesn't

[12:25]make sense right so this Hadith is really important here the prophet

[12:31]basically wants to tell us s Al uh you are responsible of

[12:39]taking care of your families yes uh both both the the Hadith

[13:08]is short but it contains M multiple messages yeah multiple messages again

[13:16]here we're talking about losing your family because of your own Deeds

[13:21]because of your own shortcomings makes sense some sometimes a person a

[13:30]person uh truly carries out his role as a husband in a

[13:36]beautiful manner but his wife does not appreciate that and as a

[13:41]result she she does what she deviates that's here he he's not

[13:48]held accountable for her deviation he upheld his role as a husband

[13:51]in a good way or in a beautiful manner so when she

[13:53]deviates it's on her not on him make sense he's not held

[14:03]accountable this does not mean of course that if he doesn't uphold

[14:08]his role as a as a husband or a good husband uh

[14:11]that she can deviate no she a person should not deviate period

[14:17]but what happens is sometimes we play a role in the deviation

[14:25]of certain individuals and here Allah T will hold us accountable for

[14:29]where the deviation on top of holding them accountable for their deviation

[14:34]make sense it's like the verse which says in the Quran Allah

[14:41]tells us that we should save ourselves and our families from HEI

[14:48]so if I don't uphold my role properly as a father for

[14:54]example I don't teach my children to avoid Haram I don't enjoy

[14:58]good and forbid evil and yes Allah T will will will hold

[15:05]me accountable for for such shortcomings all be in trouble on a

[15:07]day of judgment this doesn't mean they won't be in trouble as

[15:09]well no they'll be in trouble too because they deviated right but

[15:14]I'll be in trouble with them whereas when I uphold my role

[15:17]as a husband or as a father I'm really a good father

[15:22]teach them I remind them of I I speak to them I

[15:26]spend time with them Etc but after a while after an x

[15:33]amount of months or years they deviate here it's not on me

[15:41]we remember for example before I hear your question brother his son

[15:49]was deviant was did did n show any shortcomings did no make

[15:55]any mistakes in the way he raised his child he's a Propet

[15:59]and he's one of the five top prophets which means he knows

[16:05]how to raise his children pretty well very well but at the

[16:09]end of the the day everyone has to make his choice right

[16:13]which path does he or she want to follow the son of

[16:18]n called Kanan chose to follow the wrong path although his father

[16:23]was an infallable Prophet from yes brother exactly yeah because perspective uh

[17:10]as as you mentioned the Ayah is a presents a general message

[17:15]that pertains to both men and women when Allah says As for

[17:24]the the details I'll have to get back to you on that

[17:29]one yeah in the second narration that I sent you the Hadith

[17:46]says he says that basically the the family of a man are

[17:53]the family members of of a man like for example his wife

[17:56]and children uh they they are his meaning his captives okay obviously

[18:06]they're not captives but the prophet say it's as if they are

[18:12]your captives so what should you do you should treat them well

[18:15]make sure you don't mistreat them he says the person that Allah

[18:29]subhana wa tala deserv that Allah loves most is the one who

[18:35]treats his captives in the best of manners so the better you

[18:43]treat your so-called captives the the more Allah subhana wa tal will

[18:49]love you why would the wife or the children be called us

[19:05]the captives of the man again we said they're not really captives

[19:10]but why would the prophet speak in a figurative Manner and call

[19:16]them captives because I'll mention some reasons we've mentioned some of these

[19:19]reasons before but there's no harm in repeating ourselves number one the

[19:23]husband has has authority over his wife she has rights she has

[19:30]rights that he needs to respect rights that he needs to uphold

[19:35]but he has authority over her that's one number two regarding T

[19:39]divorce According to Islamic law is in the hands of the man

[19:41]not the woman similarly the father has will over his children he

[19:51]has authority over his children so here the prophet sallallahu alai is

[20:02]reminding us to to do what to treat our wives and to

[20:10]treat our children with care with gentleness the beautiful thing is he

[20:17]didn't go into specifics he gave a general message which indicates as

[20:27]we said the better you treat your wife and your children the

[20:31]more Allah T will love you here you can think of uh

[20:38]of multiple examples of multiple ways through which you can treat your

[20:44]wife and children properly or treat them nicely yeah to a child

[21:08]must left himself away from is it just kind of authority of

[21:16]here we're talking the prophet when he says he's talking about someone

[21:24]who's in charge basically yeah from the word man we understand he's

[21:29]talking about the person in charge yeah yeah uh for example when

[21:35]we're talking about you know treating your wife or your children properly

[21:39]uh some of the the evident or clear examples that come to

[21:46]mind are number one saying words of love to your wife or

[21:49]to your children J being gentle in the way you speak to

[21:54]them uh forgiving their mistakes mistakes are to happen we can't make

[22:00]a big deal every time you know the wife or the child

[22:04]makes a mistake we're fallible human beings J um giving them gifts

[22:13]taking taking them out every once in a while J um so

[22:15]on so forth so you can think of multiple ways through which

[22:19]you can treat them well and instill happiness in their hearts doing

[22:23]what we call and we're going to talk about uh for example

[22:30]Allah you know bestows upon you a good amount of of wealth

[22:33]so you buy them things that make them happy things that make

[22:39]them comfortable at home with specificity point you made but in general

[22:48]not just here in Pakistan we see that to go out needs

[22:55]to be in a non-islamic scenario either in a place music is

[22:59]being played or you're in a place where hij is not observed

[23:04]or other non-islamic activities you have to participate or be surrounded scenario

[23:09]so ideally you want not to be in that scenario but then

[23:14]if you stay home are you being unkind to your family no

[23:17]obviously when we say take them out that's a very good question

[23:22]by the way uh when we say take them out we're saying

[23:24]take them out to the right places I'm going to take my

[23:29]family out to the wrong places then you know that goes against

[23:32]my My Religion right uh I'm doing more harm than good right

[23:38]for uh take them out to a place where they can have

[23:44]fun they can enjoy their time but at the same time they

[23:49]won't fall into anything forbidden make sense or anything that will harm

[23:55]their spirituality or their piety yeah and Y A person can come

[23:59]up with ideas and we can't say that every single place that

[24:02]we want to go to is um you know a PL a

[24:06]polluted a place a place with a polluted environment no no you

[24:12]can find places where you can go enjoy enjoy your time and

[24:15]at the same time um preserve your Rel religiosity and and spirituality

[24:21]yeah yeah excuse me of course preserving hijab is a priority right

[24:40]preserving hijab is a priority um a man shouldn't uh take his

[24:48]wife to a place where you know um she won't be able

[24:54]to uh preserve her hij place where she won't be able to

[24:58]observe her hijab yeah we'll stop here inshallah next week we'll continue

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BH- Lesson 19- "I don't have time for my family!" - Hamam Nassereddine

Transcript

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BH- Lesson 19- "I don't have time for my family!" - Hamam Nassereddine

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