Family Relations

10 المشاهدات· 13/01/09

Shaykh Dr. Usama Al-Atar
مشتركين

في محاضرات

Lecture by Dr. Usama Al-Atar ISIA - Edmonton www.jammat.org

أظهر المزيد

Transcript

[0:28]m sh tomorrow inshallah will be the first of the month of

[1:27]which is coinciding inshallah according to to some traditions with the birth

[1:32]of the noble lady fa Al the sister of the daughter of

[1:52]IM this lady is a very Noble lady she did not live

[1:59]a long life and she lived a life seeing the oppression and

[2:08]the aggression of Ben abas against her father and her brother in

[2:17]fact she did not get to see much of her father because

[2:24]when she was a little girl her father was taken by the

[2:33]khif the ABI har Rashid and he was taken to Bagdad or

[2:39]first into Basra and then to Bagdad but nonetheless he was taken

[2:45]away from her when she was young so she was raised by

[2:49]IM and she died before IM on her way toan after Al

[2:59]Abbasi summoned IM to she really feared about his life because she

[3:09]saw what they did to her father when they summoned him to

[3:11]Bagdad on her way toan some traditions say that Alon sent a

[3:19]group of people to attack her Caravan they killed all the men

[3:25]in her Caravan many of B Hashim were killed and so she

[3:32]felt very badly after that incident so she was on the outskirts

[3:36]of K the city of K she barely made it to the

[3:41]city of K where she died in that city of K and

[3:43]today she has a holy Shrine a noble Shrine in that City

[3:49]where millions of Z and visitors go to visit her holy Shrine

[3:59]seeing the oppression of Ben Abbas against him and his family and

[4:05]seeing that he has children especially daughters to to take care of

[4:10]what he did is he purchased some lands and he dedicated the

[4:18]income of these lands for the sustenance of his children this way

[4:24]if something happens to him or to his children the men of

[4:28]the children at least these women would not be left without help

[4:35]so always looked after their children especially the women and their children

[4:43]and this will be the topic of our discussion today in today's

[4:51]society we are observing some major problem especially in spousal relations husband

[4:58]wife relations this is not only in Western societies not only in

[5:06]Muslim countries in some Muslim countries the divorce rate is at 50%

[5:11]approximately and in some Western societies and most developed societies if we

[5:17]may call them that or as they call themselves you again you

[5:23]find the divorce rates approaching about 50% domestic violence is observed in

[5:30]fact here in Canada for example here in Canada statistics from 2008

[5:37]2009 show that out of the 19 million Canadians who have spousal

[5:45]relations has spouse about 6% of them reported spousal abuse violence violence

[5:55]against them 6% that's about more than 1 million cases that's that's

[6:00]here in Canada that's a a large number and when it comes

[6:07]to not violent but nonviolent abuse emotional abuse Financial abuse the numbers

[6:13]even jump higher much higher so here we have an issue we

[6:20]have a problem and this problem unfortunately it's also migrating to Muslim

[6:23]families these issues are also migrating to Muslim families so this issue

[6:30]needs to be addressed because Islam came with Solutions and when we

[6:36]take a look at such problems we need to turn to to

[6:41]see how they dealt with such situations if we take a look

[6:48]for example at the life of one of his wives was asked

[6:55]after his death so after his death one of his wives was

[6:58]asked what was the Rel relationship between the prophet and yourself did

[7:02]he ever yell at you she said never did he ever hurt

[7:09]you emotionally physically financially in any way shape or form she said

[7:15]never he never yelled at us he never hurt us even Quran

[7:21]tells us Quran tells us some of his wives two of them

[7:26]plotted against this is not aith Quran so don't tell tell us

[7:32]that we're accusing Quran says so read two of The Prophet's wives

[7:38]plotted against him how did he react did he yell at them

[7:44]no did he physically for example hurt them no no he forgave

[7:48]them for what they did or at least he did not abuse

[7:55]them or hurt them so this was the tradition of with his

[8:02]spouses and there are many many numerous examples one day inshallah around

[8:07]the time maybe of the birth of when we talk about his

[8:12]or his great manners we'll mention about how he reacted even when

[8:18]there were problems between his spouses because one of his spouses one

[8:23]famous spouse of his she used to make problems for again the

[8:31]Quran mentions this Quran mentions it she had jealousy she had jealousy

[8:35]towards otherwise so she would make problems in the house of how

[8:40]did he try and fix these problems how did he work about

[8:43]it you find his wisdom never yelling never shouting he doesn't make

[8:48]a fist and start punching and doing whatever no calmly using wisdom

[8:53]he solves the problems this was you come to to some of

[9:03]our imams they had spouses who would also harass them bother them

[9:07]but they would never yell at them never disrespect them always treat

[9:15]them well now on the other hand if you take a look

[9:17]at for example she never for example complained to that you don't

[9:29]have food to prepare for us what is this house that you

[9:34]make us live in what kind of a house is this I

[9:36]am the daughter of who not is not only the religious leader

[9:40]he is also the state leader he's the leader of the state

[9:43]the head of the state I'm the daughter of the head of

[9:45]the state is this the kind of a house you make me

[9:49]live in such a simple house never never ever she always understood

[9:54]what had his responsibilities and she always respected that she would not

[10:04]add on to whatever more than what he can do she was

[10:08]understanding and he was understanding this was their Traditions so if we

[10:12]take a look a little bit at these issues if we take

[10:17]a look at what is required from both the man and the

[10:21]woman and how can we solve some of these issues following the

[10:26]traditions of then inshallah at the end of our discussion we'll turn

[10:29]to this Noble lady again to see how we can learn from

[10:35]these great Noble individuals and benefit from them so when it comes

[10:40]to spousal relations of course we have certain relations or certain duties

[10:45]from the man towards his wife and from the wife towards his

[10:50]husb her husband and both of them towards each other for example

[10:59]when it comes to the husband he has rights he has rights

[11:05]one of his rights is that the wife should not leave the

[11:10]house without his permission she should not spend his money without his

[11:16]permission however he can say to the wife that you know what

[11:21]I give you permission to spend money you don't have to kill

[11:23]me you know bring me like you know a a financial Bill

[11:27]and receipt for everything you're spending and then I have to approve

[11:31]it you know you write an application write me a proposal I

[11:35]need this this this and then I will approve it this is

[11:37]yes this is no you can tell her no I give you

[11:41]permission for example to go and buy whatever you need she should

[11:46]also be physically available for her husband anytime he needs her unless

[11:51]of course she has an excuse a medical excuse a religious excuse

[11:56]something that she can be ACC excused from she should also be

[12:03]protective of the husband his reputation his manners she should talk well

[12:10]about him in front of the children make her children love the

[12:14]Father Tell the children for example love your father take care of

[12:17]the father not for example the minute the father goes tell him

[12:19]this guy your father ever since I married him I haven't seen

[12:26]a good day you know like they say you know black day

[12:29]the day I married this man you know never again but what

[12:34]can I do I was young I didn't know at the time

[12:37]you know if I had known better I would not have married

[12:38]this man you know of course this will have an impact on

[12:43]the children this will have issues a man came to and he

[12:58]said the following he said I have a wife who whenever I

[13:31]I come home she comes to greet me and welcome me in

[13:34]today's time she Rose the red carpet for example and whenever I

[13:40]want to leave home she walks with me to the door she

[13:45]doesn't say alhamdulillah she walks with me to the door and whenever

[13:52]she sees me not feeling well thinking depressed she says what is

[14:00]the reason for your depression why are you not feeling well why

[14:04]are you concerned if it is because of your risk sustenance then

[14:07]someone other than you has taken care of it Allah subhana wa

[14:12]tala will take care of your so why are you worried about

[14:14]it but if it is for your that you are concerned about

[14:19]your you're concerned about your then may Allah increase in your concerns

[14:26]if that is the key the reason now what did the prophet

[14:32]tell this man tell her tell your wife give her the Glad

[14:57]Tidings of J if this is her manners with you J tell

[15:02]her from what else and say to her that she is one

[15:09]of God's workers on this Earth Allah subhana wa tala has certain

[15:13]individuals who are sources of blessings they call them sometimes Angels you

[15:19]know someone say he's such an angel or she's an Ang this

[15:24]is like an angel and then tell her that she has of

[15:30]for every day she's respecting you and dealing this with you a

[15:34]reward of 70 martyr 70 marters for every day so this is

[15:44]on her side what about him what about the man well obviously

[15:48]the woman also has rights he has she has rights her rights

[15:54]for him to take care of all her expenses all her expenses

[16:00]a woman does not need to spend a penny on the house

[16:04]even if she's a multi-millionaire from the religious perspective she does not

[16:12]have to spend any money he has to take care of all

[16:18]her food expenses and expenses relating to food for example she may

[16:24]want to cook she may want to cook she needs for example

[16:29]a pot so he has to provide that for her she might

[16:30]need some for example utensils he has to provide that for her

[16:36]so whatever is necessary to the best of his abilities he needs

[16:39]to provide for her he needs to provide her with clothes he

[16:42]needs to provide her with medical medication if she needs medication with

[16:48]a shelter the house to the best of his ability whatever he

[16:55]can afford and she should not expect more than what he can

[16:57]afford this is what he can afford to the best of his

[17:01]ability now that's it so a husband would tell his wife okay

[17:06]so I'm providing you the money I'm giving you everything then every

[17:11]time outside he's smiling he's happy he comes home you know he's

[17:16]closed like this and doesn't even want to look at her in

[17:21]her face and she says why he says this is not your

[17:22]H not your right I'm giving you food I'm giving you clothes

[17:27]I'm buying you the best of everything kalas leave me alone No

[17:31]in fact some of our fuk some of our fukah say that

[17:38]not only he should do this this is one of our contemporary

[17:45]F he's still alive today he says he should not hurt her

[17:57]he should not oppress her or bother her she has rights just

[18:04]like he wants you or you expect her to treat you kindly

[18:12]and gently she also does the same thing in another Hadith from

[18:14]the mum when he goes outside he does not say this wife

[18:19]of mine you know my goodness that day I married her was

[18:22]again a black day you know but what can we do we're

[18:28]stuck now a man should never complain outside the house and she

[18:37]should not complain outside of her house if they were sit to

[18:43]sit down together and have a conversation communication tell him there is

[18:47]something you don't like tell him I don't like ABC and he

[18:51]should be open about it same thing you tell her I don't

[18:55]like AB CD these things I don't like this bring brings a

[19:01]life of mercy and that's what this Ayah that we recited in

[19:07]says and live with them in kindness or with kindness with kindness

[19:17]means you treat them the way you expect them to treat you

[19:21]you respect her the way you expect her to respect you but

[19:27]when there is always a fight when there is always lack of

[19:33]compromise and lack of forgiveness the husband does something wrong the wife

[19:39]says every day you know I can't forgive you for doing this

[19:44]what is this he says I can't forgive you either and then

[19:47]there is mallah ongoing problems well obviously this life will not continue

[19:51]further and then you have the 50% divorce rate if we have

[19:57]just the patience of the patience of then you would find life

[20:07]would be much different much different and a Hadith that I quoted

[20:14]from IM theth talks about the idea that if a m says

[20:33]something a word and you can find a positive interpretation for it

[20:40]maybe he did not mean what he said exactly he meant something

[20:46]else then you should do so you should try to find a

[20:48]positive explanation for this m now if we were to apply this

[20:54]into the house the husband says something instead of the wife erupting

[20:57]like a volcano or the the wife says something instead of the

[20:59]husband erupting like a volcano if he were to say maybe she

[21:05]did not mean this let me forgive her for what she said

[21:07]we'll have a huge different scenario completely different scenario now the husband

[21:14]says okay I'm the man of the house I can go live

[21:20]whatever I want the way I want behave the way I want

[21:25]no you don't you can't every 4 days you must come back

[21:30]to the house you can't leave the house for more than 4

[21:33]days every 4 days one day has to be spent in the

[21:37]house so even if you feel something you know I don't want

[21:38]to see this wife anymore too bad by La you're obliged to

[21:46]every four days and every four months you have to give her

[21:50]her right in terms of the husband wife relationship however according to

[22:00]to the F according to the F if the wife cannot wait

[22:05]for 4 months then the husband must also respond to that wish

[22:08]of hers he has to respect that he's obliged to so Islam

[22:15]came to really balance things brothers and sisters only recently do we

[22:23]have laws giving some you know the wives they're right then they're

[22:28]right IM in the Charter of Rights from, 1400 years ago he

[22:40]says the following with regards to the wife he says paraphrasing what

[22:53]he's saying that you should be aware that Allah subhah wa ta'ala

[22:57]has made your wife as a source of tranquility and peace and

[23:02]one you should turn to this is your wife and then and

[23:17]each one of you the the wife and the husband should be

[23:21]aware that you having a wife and you having a husband is

[23:23]a blessing from Allah subhah wa ta'ala upon you so be grateful

[23:30]for this blessing thank Allah subhanahu wa taala Allah says and among

[23:35]his signs is that he created for you amongst yourself spouses among

[23:41]his signs how do we respond to the signs of Allah subhana

[23:46]wa tala do we turn our eyes our back against them or

[23:50]towards them away from them or do we say alhamdulillah Ya Allah

[23:55]alhamdulillah and then what else and he is mandated to deal with

[24:11]this of Allah with respect means he honors her he honors the

[24:21]wife honors which means he takes lightly on her when he comes

[24:27]back one day and she for example did not clean the house

[24:31]or she did not make food first of all she's not obliged

[24:33]to do that but it's highly must for a wife to do

[24:40]that in the house any wife who cleans the house for example

[24:42]Cooks in the house she gets so much reward for doing so

[24:50]it's highly must she's not obliged but this is the that Allah

[24:54]subhana wa tala has bestowed in the lives of the spouses the

[24:58]mercy but she come you come back home maybe one day she

[25:05]could not prepare something one should not errupt one should not become

[25:09]for example angry if they would sit down together talk to one

[25:14]another you would see a huge difference in the lives of the

[25:18]spouses in the relationships if the spouse needs something if the husband

[25:26]needs something from his wife or if he needs his wife well

[25:28]by religion by Liah she has to may be be ready for

[25:32]him and available for him to the best of her ability unless

[25:34]she's ill if she needs him he has to also be ready

[25:43]for her it's must for the husband to buy Cosmetics for his

[25:46]wife to the best of his ability perfumes Cosmetics to the best

[25:51]of his ability I hear masallah there's a sigh from the other

[25:57]side this is good good sign maybe to the best of your

[26:03]ability I emphasize this huh but these things make a big difference

[26:09]in the Hadith whomever brings gifts to his family every time he

[26:15]comes whatever it is he can sometimes could be one rose one

[26:20]rose one flower even candy for the children anything you can bring

[26:28]that happiness that enters their heart Allah subhah wa ta'ala will grant

[26:35]this individual so much reward for this happiness now this kind this

[26:39]kind of Honor this is when the husband tells the wife I

[26:42]respect what you've been doing you know all these years or all

[26:46]this time thank you and she tells him also thank you for

[26:49]what you're doing what kind of life would happen then then you

[26:53]would not have 50% divorce rates you would not have that domestic

[26:56]violence if they have the tawa of Allah the fear of Allah

[27:02]in their hearts but the problem is every time the husband wants

[27:04]his things to go every way he wants and she wants things

[27:09]to go the way she wants some husbands for example they tell

[27:15]your wife okay you have to go work but when you go

[27:24]work you're leaving the house with my permission so now I'm going

[27:27]to take taxs you know the salary you earn you're going to

[27:31]have to pay me for it to to get my permission first

[27:34]of all she is not obliged to work she says she can

[27:39]say it's not my job to work it's your job when she

[27:42]gets inheritance he cannot tell her now give us this money and

[27:45]we'll pay the mortgage we'll pay the debts no if she does

[27:51]so this is kind of her if she does so this is

[27:54]kind of came to and she told him all my money is

[28:04]yours spend it anyway you see appropriate and Allah appreciated that from

[28:12]khad it was a great honor a great Sacrifice from this lady

[28:21]but she doesn't have to and that's why Islam came to say

[28:27]that in inheritance which sometimes people criticize us Muslims why does the

[28:34]man inherit twice as much as the woman because the man when

[28:38]he inherits this twice as much he has to spend it on

[28:41]his children he's obliged to spend it on his family his wife

[28:44]and his children and maybe his mother too if he needs if

[28:48]she needs help he has to take care of his mother as

[28:50]well but the lady can take all her money that half that

[28:55]she takes and she keeps it all to herself and we see

[28:58]it happening many times which is fair the lady says I want

[29:02]to take my inheritance and for example buy gold with it buy

[29:05]gold for a treat myself well or sometimes she says I want

[29:11]to buy a piece of land or a building or a house

[29:12]with this money that I got from my inheritance we see that

[29:16]happening now the husband should not become upset and argue with her

[29:22]now why are you doing this where's our no this is not

[29:26]respectful so the husband has to know his rights and the woman

[29:32]needs to know her rights but Islam says deal with each other

[29:35]on the basis of base of kindness love Mercy not by the

[29:44]book I'll do what I have to do and you do what

[29:47]you have to do that life would not be a very pleasant

[29:52]and merciful life we have many issues happening in the society unfortunately

[29:58]we've had issues we have issues for example where people who are

[30:01]married for let's say 15 years 20 years because of either financial

[30:05]problems sometimes that's one major issues for divorce financial problems the husband

[30:11]for example loses his job and cannot now cater to the same

[30:14]level standard as he used to before so the wife cannot be

[30:19]patient anymore and she says I want a divorce or the husband

[30:24]for example says no it's been 20 years I've been living with

[30:26]this lady Kal it's enough what's this enough you know and the

[30:33]problem sometimes unfortunately when they become to that state they forget all

[30:38]the good things of the other individual the lady would come and

[30:42]says I have never seen a good day with this man and

[30:45]he would come and says I also never saw a good day

[30:49]and for 15 years 10 years not a good day not a

[30:50]single good thing you've seen from this lady unfortunately everything is forgotten

[30:56]about Shan comes in and wipes out the memory completely only the

[31:02]negatives but in the marriage life in fact even between the we're

[31:11]told to forgive to respect to love for others what we love

[31:18]for ourselves Allah says in this Ayah treat them respectfully kindly don't

[31:24]be unfair unjust and you'll see the difference in the lives of

[31:32]such individuals you find them that their marriage will last especially if

[31:36]they have the fear of Allah subhana wa ta'ala and always brothers

[31:42]and sisters turn to Allah subana turn to make Dua don't underestimate

[31:53]the power of Dua and don't underestimate the power of that Allah

[32:00]has given to them he's given them that power so why not

[32:04]seize it why not turn to them tonight is the eve of

[32:08]the will of this Noble lady and this is a great lady

[32:14]one of the bab of ha the gates of needs when you

[32:17]have a situation something a condition or a problem that is not

[32:23]working tonight pray to Allah subhah wa ta'ala through the Bara of

[32:27]this lady the that may Allah subhana wa ta'ala fulfill your believe

[32:31]me people who are ill who've knocked the doors of many doctors

[32:37]and the doctor said there is no solution the best of the

[32:42]doctors have Solutions have a solution when you have a problem that

[32:45]is persisting in your life and you think that there is no

[32:48]solution and you tried everything turn to in fact we should turn

[32:55]to them beforehand not wait until the doctors they are the first

[33:00]it doesn't mean we don't go see the doctors yes go to

[33:02]see the doctors but ask as well at the same time they

[33:06]say in the city of K there was a policeman this policeman

[33:16]he would use his authority sometimes unjustly unfairly against some people so

[33:23]he did not have that great of let's say Justice life or

[33:32]social life he done some some wrongs in his life but he

[33:42]had a strong it is said one day he became ill with

[33:46]an illness or he had an accident for which all his body

[33:53]was aching or mainly his legs sorry his legs were aching badly

[33:56]to the extent that in the hospital he's in the hospital bed

[34:03]he cannot sleep even sleeping is painful the doctors came they like

[34:11]to help him look at him 50 days consecutive days no solution

[34:15]at the end he told his mother on on the 50th day

[34:21]he told her mother go and pray to that she cures me

[34:28]or tomorrow tomorrow I'm going to die tomorrow apparently he prepared some

[34:32]pills to commit suicide when a person unfortunately doesn't have that Iman

[34:42]sometimes they resort to these things but he said I can't bear

[34:45]this pain anymore so go to and pray to her tell her

[34:49]that I can't bear this pain anymore apparently the mother went and

[34:56]prayed now with pain she prayed sincerely wholeheartedly now her son is

[35:02]going to die tomorrow so how would a mother feel at that

[35:07]point so apparently she prayed well she prayed withas with sincerity that

[35:16]night in the hospital this man sees a dream in his dream

[35:25]he sees three Noble ladies entering his room the same room he's

[35:32]in but instead of coming to him they turned to the bed

[35:40]next to him so they gave him their bags and they were

[35:43]looking at the bed next to him that had a a person

[35:47]who sick in that bed apparently it was a child those three

[35:53]ladies were and he says I saw F telling this man this

[36:09]young man this child get up but the child said I can't

[36:17]get up I'm Ill I'm sick I can't walk I can't get

[36:23]up so she repeated a second time get up he replied a

[36:27]second time I can't get up up she replied she said a

[36:33]third time get up you have been cured so she took or

[36:39]sorry then he got up indeed this man said I was waiting

[36:49]that they finish with him and they turn to me but that

[36:56]didn't happen they got up and then they left he said so

[37:00]I woke up in the morning or I woke up from this

[37:03]dream feeling disheartened my heart broken they did not cure me so

[37:13]I realized there is no hope it's done he says so I

[37:18]grabbed the pills from under my pillow I grabbed these pills but

[37:23]then it occurred to me these three Noble ladies came to this

[37:30]room they came here and their arrival in my room brings me

[37:39]blessings they were here true they did not turn to me and

[37:46]tell me get up but them being here in this room brings

[37:52]me blessings so maybe I am cured now because of them entering

[37:57]into this room he says I looked at my leg and I

[38:02]was cured I got up I got up stood on my feet

[38:09]after 50 days of pain did not feel a single thing as

[38:17]if nothing had happened and the doctors were All Amazed and shocked

[38:24]this is now this man their mere presence brings cure so brothers

[38:36]and sisters when we tell the the of attend their attend their

[38:42]this is the of and through their they say they say we

[38:55]look at these malalis maybe they may not attend physically although sometimes

[38:59]they might attend physically but they look at these tells one of

[39:07]his companions I swear by God that I love these ma where

[39:18]you mention us but unfortunately many people don't want this blessings or

[39:27]don't realize unfortunately what blessings they're missing out this is let's turn

[39:34]to them when we have problems in our lives whether they're social

[39:38]whether they're Financial whether they're emotional whether they're medical turn to and

[39:46]you'll see the difference in your lives we pray to Allah subhah

[39:52]wa taala through the blessing of this Noble lady to inshallah grant

[39:58]us her Zara soon and her in this world in the and

[40:05]in the Hereafter inshallah raise your hands for the Dua now that

[40:09]we are the guest of this Noble lady and in this Holy

[40:14]Night inshallah Allah subhana wa tala will accept our Dua for Allah

[41:20]Allah Allah Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Allah Allah Allah

[41:56]Allah Allah Allah Allah h for Allah Allah Sal

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التالي

Family Relations

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التالي

استكشاف المزيد

يرجى ملاحظة أنه إذا كان عمرك أقل من 18 عامًا ، فلن تتمكن من الوصول إلى هذا الموقع.

التالي

Family Relations

Transcript

التالي

استكشاف المزيد

اختيار طريقة الدفع

لغة