BH- Lesson 25- Watching our words! - Hamam Nassereddine

6 Bekeken· 25/09/08

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

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Transcript

[0:05]Alhamdulillah.

[0:20]All [Music] right.

[0:37]In our last lesson regarding how to build an Islamic household, we

[0:42]were giving more examples uh regarding certain issues that the husband might

[0:49]disagree on with his wife or vice versa.

[0:53]And we were mentioning the necessity how it's necessary to refer to

[1:01]the fair judge.

[1:00]The fair judge in this context is uh and the fair judge.

[1:07]When you say the fair judge, we're talking about so we said

[1:15]for example, God forbid if the husband demands his wife to disobey

[1:19]Allah subhana wa ta'ala to for example u cut her parents off

[1:26]and not speak to them anymore period then she can you know

[1:30]tell him you know I can't do that this is this is

[1:35]uh immoral and this unlawful.

[1:36]And here is the Quran that tells us to do.

[1:40]Here are the narrations of that say that we should do and

[1:47]that tell us that we should not do we should avoid severing

[1:49]ties with our relatives.

[1:53]Uh by doing that hopefully she can convince him that he's asking

[1:58]for the wrong thing.

[2:00]Then again if the wife you know demands her husband to sever

[2:06]his ties with his relatives suppose that you know she has something

[2:09]against his his relatives his mother or father or brothers etc and

[2:15]she says you know it's either me or them right then he

[2:18]can tell her allahel fear Allahhana you know you're my wife I

[2:24]love you but at the end of the day these are my

[2:25]family right these are my family And subhan Allah, the the relationship

[2:34]with with family is a holy uh relationship.

[2:35]It's sacred.

[2:37]Uh it's a it's a relationship that that is continuous, right?

[2:42]Uh it's a continuous relationship.

[2:46]Uh by me, I mean the human, not not Ham specifically.

[2:50]I can divorce my wife, right?

[2:53]A lady might be divorced from her husband, but I can't divorce

[2:59]my brother or my sister or my mom or my dad.

[3:01]We're we're family.

[3:04]Allah subhana wa ta'ala creates this blood relationship which continues which continues

[3:11]up until the the end of our lives.

[3:14]Um a person uh here in this case uh the husband can

[3:20]do the same right?

[3:22]Uh in fact he should do the same.

[3:25]He should tell her about what the Quran says regarding what the

[3:31]narrations say so on so forth.

[3:33]Yeah.

[3:33]Have so say your wife she wants to do it's her money

[3:40]but then her husband is like no don't do it.

[3:43]Save your money.

[3:42]I'm not saying I would do this.

[3:46]Is that so the wife wants to pay?

[3:48]She wants to pay with her own money.

[3:49]Yeah.

[3:50]Or like with or with his money.

[3:53]If it's her own money, I know she can do what she

[3:56]wants.

[3:57]But what if he tells her not?

[3:59]Doesn't the wife obey the man?

[4:01]The the the man has he has authority over his wife in

[4:11]certain issues.

[4:09]Not in not in not in the If he doesn't she doesn't

[4:25]work, doesn't he have a say?

[4:29]Is she has to listen?

[4:30]Okay.

[4:32]Yeah.

[4:32]If if the husband if she wants to use her own money,

[4:37]these are her possessions, she wants to pay, then she's allowed to

[4:42]pay because it's her money.

[4:42]as as we said la last week save your money too much

[4:49]you just waste I know it's not wast so if it's his

[5:06]if it's her money then she can use it she can pay

[5:09]uh because it's hers if he advis advises her not to pay

[5:18]or not to pay you know that amount of she can listen

[5:19]to him and tell him you know why you know what what's

[5:23]what's the reasoning behind what you're saying right perhaps he wants to

[5:27]tell her in no wait you know don't pay this specific form

[5:30]of there's a better form of you can use that money to

[5:37]per to establish what we call so here he would be giving

[5:43]her advice beneficial advice in you can use your money right now

[5:47]to uh to do something that has a minimal amount of benefit

[5:53]but I want you to use your money in a way that

[5:55]you maximize the benefit right you maximize the benefit that you acquire

[6:00]from that money that that would be good advice right then again

[6:04]she might tell him you know I respect your your opinion you're

[6:06]my husband I love you I respect you but you know I

[6:10]I want to pay the I want to give methan this msim

[6:14]this poor person or this yatim this orphan an amount of money

[6:18]and and help them right if it's her money it belongs to

[6:22]her she inherited that money from her father then it's her say

[6:25]if it's his money then obviously she she cannot use his money

[6:29]without his permission in a way way uh she cannot use his

[6:35]money without his his permission right uh if she wants to pay

[6:38]and he says no I right now I don't want to face

[6:42]with this money and she can't no she can't do that.

[6:48]Yes.

[6:58]But again to carry on with the the issue of authority although

[7:05]the husband has authority over the wife in particular issues that are

[7:10]mentioned in the books of Jewish prudence in general wanted to give

[7:13]general advice general advice that we derive from the narrations of In

[7:22]general, um it is very good for the wife to listen to

[7:26]her husband and to to obey him or to be submissive towards

[7:31]the husband as long as he's not telling her to do something

[7:33]that displeases Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[7:38]Father, can you tell her not to wear makeup in public?

[7:41]In general, what do you mean out in public?

[7:45]In public, of course he can tell her.

[7:48]le he can tell her in public before we go to the

[7:53]because it's haram for her to wear makeup in front of nonabs

[7:59]right so if she's wearing makeup and she wants to leave the

[8:05]house with makeup he has to do right he has to do

[8:11]so he uh he should tell her that this this is haram

[8:17]Right.

[8:18]And he should tell her, I don't allow you to leave the

[8:21]house in that condition.

[8:23]If you want to wear makeup, then at least wear a bush.

[8:25]Yeah, I was going to say cover your cover your face.

[8:37]her face with makeup on to non mahabs.

[8:41]So it's the husband's duty in that case to remind her of

[8:46]what of of tawa to remind her to fear Allah subhanahu wa

[8:49]ta'ala.

[8:50]As for if he prefers that she doesn't come out of the

[8:59]house without let's say right or etc then using the authority that

[9:03]he has regarding leaving the house right he can he can put

[9:12]that condition on her and he can tell her in uh you

[9:14]know I don't want to make your life super difficult but grocery

[9:18]shop it's going to be But I prefer that when you leave

[9:25]the house, you leave it with and you wear or he might

[9:28]he can even say I don't allow you to leave the house

[9:35]without he can do that.

[9:35]He can do that.

[9:37]In that case, she would only be allowed to leave the house

[9:40]with same goes for the in sometimes putting too much pressure on

[9:49]someone will lead to what?

[9:53]To rebellion.

[9:53]So we have to be wise in what we deny.

[9:56]Yes.

[9:56]It's not about that.

[10:00]That's what would be very wise on this regard.

[10:06]is if you're a person who cannot see himself, who cannot see

[10:13]and his wife leaving the house without a hab and when you

[10:16]when when you want to get married before you even get married

[10:20]you tell the sister that you're getting getting to know and I'm

[10:23]the kind of husband that wants his wife to wear that way

[10:27]she knows what she's getting herself into.

[10:27]If she agrees, then she can't say, you know what, I didn't

[10:32]sign up for this.

[10:31]You did sign up for it.

[10:34]I told you from day one and I wanted you to wear.

[10:37]If you didn't want to wear, then you could have said, you

[10:39]know what, find someone else.

[10:41]No, but what I mean is, no, like when she goes out

[10:44]in public, like in general, like say she goes out grocery shopping

[10:46]or anything.

[10:47]No, she doesn't have to wear a bush or buy it because

[10:51]she's just going to go get her things and come like if

[10:52]she goes out, you know what I mean?

[10:54]Because and also that's going to be too much because she's gonna

[10:58]have too many eyes.

[10:58]They're going to be staying with who is this lady wearing this.

[11:01]You know what I mean?

[11:01]I don't want to put her in that.

[11:02]I mean like in the stuff like when she comes here same

[11:08]you because because you have authority over her regarding leaving the house,

[11:13]right?

[11:14]We said says the man has authority over his wife regarding that

[11:18]issue.

[11:19]Yes, there there are uh a few exceptions, but in general, he

[11:24]has authority on uh uh on this matter or in this matter,

[11:32]right?

[11:31]Um so she needs his permission to leave the house in general,

[11:37]right?

[11:38]Um so he can tell her if you're going to let's say

[11:41]the mosque or the I want you to wear and he can

[11:46]tell her that uh such that he says if you don't do

[11:51]that then I don't allow you to leave the house.

[11:54]He can do that.

[11:53]But again, as I told you and we said this before, if

[11:59]you remember, when we want to demand our wives to do certain

[12:02]things, we also have to be wise in what we demand.

[12:07][Music] Putting too much pressure sometimes will lead to to problems.

[12:14]Yeah.

[12:14]To problems.

[12:14]Yeah.

[12:15]And I don't want to cause them stress too because I have

[12:22]a question.

[12:23]What what's bhia?

[12:25]I don't know what you said earlier.

[12:26]Bushia.

[12:27]Bushia.

[12:27]It's aa face covering.

[12:33]Yeah.

[12:34]It's it's basically a veil for the face.

[12:41]I've never heard of it.

[12:43]Okay.

[12:44]How?

[12:44]It's called a bur.

[12:45]Okay.

[12:46]B.

[12:46]I've heard it, but I haven't heard the other one.

[12:51]Okay.

[12:51]Yeah.

[12:52]So, it's a face veil basically.

[12:53]Yeah.

[12:55]The daughters of they would wear face veils.

[13:03]Would wear plus face.

[13:06]Sorry to take up your time.

[13:12]We have dos and don'ts.

[13:15]We have laws.

[13:17]We have hook.

[13:16]We have uh laws regarding the authority of the husband over his

[13:22]wife, the rights of the the the wife, uh the rights of

[13:24]the husband, etc.

[13:25]But as we said, if we want to, you know, um, have

[13:33]an ideal relationship with our spouses, it's very important to apply not

[13:39]only the Islamic laws, but also the recommendations of regarding how a

[13:44]husband should treat his wife and how a wife should treat her

[13:47]husband.

[13:49]What does the pro right says it's best for thee not to

[14:05]see a man nor to be seen by a man?

[14:09]So there's there's the idea itself of the lady covering her faces

[14:13]is good.

[14:15]It's a beautiful idea, right?

[14:15]But uh number one the marija of this era uh a bunch

[14:22]of them like sayani they don't obligate women to cover their their

[14:26]faces.

[14:27]Yes, there were maraj in the past who did obligate women to

[14:34]cover their faces like so basically we have when we look at

[14:39]our marij and we look at the issue of covering the face

[14:42]the the the lady's face we have three opinions some maraj say

[14:45]it's waj period some maraja say it's waj based on mandatory precaution

[14:52]and some maraj especially the ones that are alive today can't say

[14:54]all of them but some of them at least They say it

[14:59]it's not worship.

[15:01]It's not mandatory on her to uh to wear to to cover

[15:03]her face when she's in the presence presence of a non.

[15:08]Yes, she should cover the whole body excluding the face and the

[15:12]hands.

[15:13]But even then based on recommended precaution uh based on recommended precaution

[15:20]she should cover her face.

[15:21]Get it?

[15:22]So even the ones or at least let me say some of

[15:23]the ones who say she can uncover her face they tell they

[15:28]tell you it's better for her to cover the face if she

[15:33]follows that does not obligate her to cover her face right um

[15:37]she can she can tell the husband it's it's not on me

[15:42]right um and we can't forget one thing that for certain uh

[15:47]for certain sisters or uh certain women or maybe a good and

[15:55]they might find it somewhat difficult or very difficult to wear the

[15:58]bur in the west.

[15:59]That's why I say going back to uh the main topic we

[16:05]don't have much time left.

[16:13]Yeah, we don't have much time left.

[16:19]Uh the next point I wanted to mention is aside from appointing

[16:27]the right judge, it's very important for the husband and the wife

[16:32]to show respect to one another and to speak to each other

[16:39]in a way that pleases Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and to avoid

[16:47]saying any disrespectful words or any words that break the other person's

[16:56]heart and subhan Allah words are very powerful and we've we've been

[17:00]told in the Quran and in the narrations of that Allah holds

[17:06]us accountable for what we say the word is a powerful tool

[17:13]with a word a person can can lead himself yourself and or

[17:18]others to heaven, right?

[17:19]And when you sayahill, that's your key to heaven.

[17:24]That's your key.

[17:25]It's the stepstone to entering heaven.

[17:28]Come on, you have to also believe in it and implement.

[17:32]But it's a stepstone, right?

[17:35]Uh when you teach your son or your family or your students

[17:42]or your community to say to believe inahillah and they say it

[17:46]what are you doing?

[17:49]You're leading your son or your family or your community where to

[17:53]heaven.

[17:53]So a word can lead us where into the blessings that no

[18:00]one has seen, no eye has seen, no ear has heard and

[18:03]no mind has imagined.

[18:04]But the opposite is true.

[18:07]A person can say a word sometimes which destroys a family.

[18:13]A word which could lead someone to attacking someone else.

[18:22]Or he could say a word which leads a whole nation to

[18:29]destruction.

[18:28]Right?

[18:31]Think about the words that were said about Imam Ali Alisam.

[18:35]the awful words that were said by the enemies of Imam Ali

[18:38]about Imam Ali Alisam before the battle of the camel.

[18:45]I was reading the book of Ali the other day in which

[18:50]talks about the battle of the camel and some very awful words

[18:55]were said about words that make your blood boil.

[18:59]Now these words led the nation where they led them to doom.

[19:05]These words played role in leading two massive groups of Muslims to

[19:16]fight one another.

[19:16]Imam Ali was right and those who were with him were on

[19:20]the right side and those who were against him were on the

[19:22]wrong side.

[19:24]But the fight happened, battle happened, right?

[19:28]And up until today, the effects of still exist.

[19:35]We still experience certain effects of what of up until today.

[19:42]So a word is a powerful tool.

[19:45]It can lead a person to heaven and it can lead him

[19:49]to.

[19:48]When we look at spousal relationships and we also look at you

[19:57]know uh spousal problems and certain reasons why people end up going

[20:03]through divorce.

[20:02]We realize that sometimes the words that are said or were said

[20:12]by the husband or the wife or both of them led to

[20:14]those problems or even led them to divorce.

[20:18]So one one lesson that we should always keep in mind is

[20:23]we have to be careful at what we say.

[20:28]Uh in in Lebanese they say Right?

[20:37]In one word might make a person feel, you know, um he

[20:44]he feels uh comfort.

[20:48]He feels, you know, an amount of love towards you, right?

[20:51]Or he feels like he wants to be with you.

[20:56]And one word might make a person go berserk, go crazy, right?

[21:01]uh avoiding words which are hurtful is very important because sometimes the

[21:07]husband or the wife will say a word which will create a

[21:12]big gap between both spouses and then God knows how many problems

[21:16]will happen and where those problems will lead them.

[21:20]Here we remember the narrations of or the Quranic verses that tell

[21:30]us to do what?

[21:29]be silent and not to speak.

[21:34]We have narrations that say don't speak, you know, close your mouth,

[21:39]stay silent.

[21:41]Does that mean that we should not talk at all?

[21:46]No.

[21:43]Imams mean to tell us when there's no point in talking.

[21:49]When you talk, your words are useless or pointless or you're about

[21:56]to say unlawful words, hurtful words, yeah, hurtful words towards someone who

[22:03]does not deserve those words, right?

[22:04]Uh you're about to say something that displeases Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,

[22:11]then stay silent.

[22:11]Stay staying silent in in in such cases staying silent in in

[22:19]such cases is better.

[22:18]And again when you're in a state in which it's to speak

[22:25]then you have to speak right my son wants to uh watch

[22:32]something improper and I see him right in front of me I

[22:39]can't say you know told me not to speak right you tell

[22:43]him my son what are you doing this is wrong this is

[22:46]not for you you're better than that right oh my son is

[22:48]about to fight with his friend.

[22:52]He's about to have a fist fight.

[22:53]I stop him.

[22:53]One might say that said, you know, I have to you have

[22:59]to remain silent.

[22:59]Say remain silent when when that's the better option.

[23:03]When for example, you want to see something bad.

[23:08]In that case, keep your mouth closed.

[23:10]Yes.

[23:11]But if your son or your brother or your relative or your

[23:15]friend is about to do something bad then no speak enjoy good

[23:21]and forbid evil because speaking in that case is better than remaining

[23:24]silent.

[23:25]In fact it might be necessary might be necessary to speak.

[23:29]It depends on on the case right?

[23:32]Sometimes you don't talk, but you do something.

[23:35]You you do an action to stop the the the the incorrect

[23:42]behavior or the the bad behavior that is taking place.

[23:44]Next week, inshallah, we'll share some traditions with you.

[23:50]Some traditions that speak about uh the tongue and uh other traditions

[23:58]that speak about certain words that that have a beautiful effect in

[24:03]our uh marriage.

[24:04]Alhamdulillah.

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