BH- Lesson 20- Who is the best wife? - Hamam Nassereddine

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

Transcript

[0:06]Al in our last lesson we were uh speaking about how a

[0:50]person should treat his wife in fact how he should treat his

[0:56]family and we mentioned aith from the from the narrations of stating

[1:02]that when Allah subhanahu waala bestows a blessing on a particular individual

[1:14]then that individual should make his family H comfortable meaning he should

[1:20]treat them in a good manner should use that blessing to make

[1:25]their lives happier to make their lives more comfortable and if he

[1:31]doesn't do so then uh it is very likely that the blessing

[1:37]he was given by Allah subhana wa tala will fade away we

[1:41]mentioned that it is must for a man to do means what

[1:49]it means that if Allah subhah wa tala uh grants that individual

[1:58]grants that man a significant amount of wealth it would be must

[2:02]for him to to do what to um give gifts for example

[2:08]to his wife and children to buy them Goods or merchandise that

[2:12]would make them H happy that would make them comfortable in their

[2:17]lives Etc obviously a man is responsible of what of supporting his

[2:27]wife financially of supporting his children financially but doing more than the

[2:34]bare minimum is good if he's able to do that sometimes you

[2:38]do the bare minimum you bring mean Foods drinks medication clothing Etc

[2:43]sometimes you do more mean you buy Cake for the family buying

[2:49]them that cake which makes them happy which makes them Rejoice is

[2:53]must you buy them new clothes uh again to make them happy

[3:01]to make them more comfortable that's a form of what of form

[3:04]of you take them out to the park or to uh an

[3:11]amusement park that has obviously a good atmosphere not a polluted and

[3:17]Haram atmosphere then also that that would be part of we mentioned

[3:32]this Hadith last week and we also mentioned a short Hadith by

[3:40]uh which stated that the better a person treats his wife the

[3:48]higher his status in the eyes of Allah will be but today

[3:54]inah we'll continue where we left off and we have um a

[4:01]few Traditions regarding The Good Wife to mention so we'll start with

[4:09]the following tradition which is found in [Music] so he mentions mentions

[4:37]that mentioned a chain of narrators going back to he said that

[4:46]said the following the best of your women are who let's see

[4:56]what the says says the best of your women are the following

[5:13]the ones whom when they get mad when they become angry or

[5:20]they are angered they say to their husbands the lady says to

[5:25]her husband my hand is in yours which means I'm with you

[5:30]I'm I'm a good wife I'm a supportive wife I'm not here

[5:33]to make your life a living hell I want to make you

[5:37]happy I want to make you comfortable we're a team we support

[5:43]one another meaning I will not sleep I will not shut my

[5:53]eyes and sleep until you are pleased with me so the Hadith

[6:12]here what do we understand from it we understand from this narration

[6:20]that Islam encourages women to be supportive wives not wives who um

[6:30]turn the lives of their husbands into living a living help not

[6:37]wives who object to everything their husbands do even when they're doing

[6:42]what what pleases God subhana wa tala or they're doing something simply

[6:46]Hal something that Allah subhana wa tala allows Islam wants a lady

[6:55]to be supportive to support her husband and it wants from a

[7:03]lady to be one who tries to make her husband pleased because

[7:07]theth said what I will not sleep until you are pleased with

[7:15]me so she wants to hear that he's pleased with her she

[7:21]cares about his pleasure if she cares about his pleasure it means

[7:26]she tries to avoid what angers him she tries to avoid avoid

[7:29]void what makes him uncomfortable and indeed when a wife maintains such

[7:36]Behavior she only elevates in the eyes of Allah subhanahu wa taala

[7:42]so now what do we see if we connect this Hadith over

[7:44]here to the Hadith we recited last week regarding the best men

[7:52]right the prophet said the best amongst you are those who who

[7:56]treat their women in the best of manners right what do we

[8:02]understand we understand that Islam encourages men to be merciful husbands to

[8:08]be men who uh treat their wives with respect who value their

[8:13]wives who try to make their wives happy but at the same

[8:20]time it also commands women to be what to be peaceful with

[8:24]their husbands to treat them well to help them to make them

[8:30]comfortable and to try to please their husbands interestingly here theith says

[8:42]what's the difference between and who can tell me when she gets

[8:55]angry when she gets sometimes something happens in the lady's life um

[9:06]or in the lady's house which makes her angry that thing might

[9:15]have nothing to do with the husband me she had a fight

[9:20]with one of her friends but now she's angry because of that

[9:24]fight or she lost an amount of money now she's angry or

[9:29]she's Simply Having a Bad right women have bad days just as

[9:35]men have bad days all right sometimes no she's angered perhaps her

[9:39]her husband made her angry perhaps he did something which made her

[9:44]angry even then The Good Wife even if her husband makes her

[9:52]angry The Good Wife will will will strive not to lose her

[9:57]Islamic identity not to lose her piety and she'll shall strive to

[10:02]be a good wife even if her husband angered her one might

[10:07]say but here you're giving a green light for men to anger

[10:12]their their their wives no no we're not saying that we said

[10:16]men should try should strive to treat their wives in the best

[10:20]of manners but suppose that the husband angered her and suppose he

[10:29]was wrong suppose he was at fault what should she do should

[10:35]she go berserk s tells her okay he did something wrong now

[10:42]behave in a wise Manner and the opposite is true as well

[10:48]if the wife does something wrong j a husband should also remain

[10:52]wise and deal with the situation in a wise manner mistakes are

[10:57]bound to happen of course I'm talking here about you know um

[11:05]small mistakes or mistakes that normally happen between a husband and a

[11:10]wife j a person cannot make a big deal whenever a particular

[11:17]small mistake or let me call it a normal mistake if my

[11:23]words are are correct takes place patience is required when when when

[11:28]someone is dealing with his spouse we're in need of a lot

[11:34]of patience to ensure that uh our spousal life uh continues with

[11:45]peace and with comfort so here the says even if her if

[11:50]her husband angers her she will want to do what to please

[11:57]him that's a good wife that's a lady who's striving to be

[12:05]a good wife let's repeat theth right any questions um on the

[12:25]topic of the patience and how that's needed to for the marriage

[12:29]to function um how reconcile it with the mod again the mod

[12:33]s gr um which says uh swalling your anger kind of leads

[12:40]to you becom stressed or you physically sick or that if you

[12:43]if you exercise patience too much you might at some point bur

[12:49]and have a psychotic break even how do we yes yes Yan

[12:58]uh when a person practices patience they perhaps yes he's uh he's

[13:11]bringing into his system or to his soul certain things which will

[13:15]disturb him s but then again there's a way to let these

[13:22]things out it's very important to bring these things out so that

[13:25]a person does not reach a point where he collapses and he

[13:28]can't be patient anymore so what helps bring these and let me

[13:36]call them negative matters out of his system complaining to Allah subhanahu

[13:44]wa taala um the good moments in his life uh the hour

[13:48]of leisure that tell us is the most important hour during the

[13:52]day the hour of lawful Leisure when he spends time withan his

[13:59]spouse and they're calm they're having a normal conversation or or a

[14:04]happy conversation right a a comfortable conversation um they're drinking tea for

[14:09]example or coffee that relieves both of them from stress so it's

[14:17]really important on top of being patient to do certain things which

[14:21]relieve us from the stress that we acquire because of our daily

[14:25]interactions with our spouses or with other people right make sense yeah

[14:32]so Salat will bring these negative matters out of our system especially

[14:37]a prolonged s reading Quran complaining to Allah when he was going

[14:46]through tough times when he was grieving over YF he said to

[14:50]his sons Allah I complain in regards I complain solely to Allah

[15:01]regarding my distress and regarding my sorrow right uh and as we

[15:09]said the the the hour of lawful Leisure plays role in also

[15:12]relieving the human being hence sometimes what I've realized is that um

[15:19]two spouses will go through problems and they'll go through immense problems

[15:25]such that they will want to divorce because they're not spending time

[15:33]with each other um they're not spending time with each other um

[15:39]time that is free of fights or free of yeah they don't

[15:47]have for example an hour or two hours a day in which

[15:52]they just sit with each other and and talk and Converse in

[15:54]peace she's always busy he's always busy and if they do meet

[16:01]each other they're fighting what kind of life is that that's not

[16:09]a comtable life it's only a matter of time before one of

[16:12]them gives up and says I don't I don't want to continue

[16:15]I don't want to to say with this individual because there's no

[16:18]Comfort he's always working working working she also she's also working working

[16:23]working they're both busy if they sit down with each other me

[16:26]one of them is on their his or her phone or both

[16:30]are on their phones J and as we said there's a minimal

[16:35]amount of time a minimal amount of time a very small amount

[16:39]of time in which they're actually you know sitting conversing laughing with

[16:44]one another joking around Etc so for them their spousal life turns

[16:49]into what into a burden what am I getting from this person

[16:53]nothing other than fights yes he swears at me or I swear

[16:59]or she swears at me J he he never appreciates what I

[17:03]do she never appreciates what I do you hear these comments gradually

[17:07]what's going to happen they're going to say we're done we want

[17:11]a divorce so it's really important in a in our spousal lives

[17:17]to include you know hours one hour by hours I mean like

[17:24]a time interval suppose it's 30 minutes 60 Minutes uh two hours

[17:28]no problem and which you know both spouses are uh spending time

[17:34]with each other in a peaceful manner in a manner that that

[17:38]makes both of them happy and comfortable that's really important and it

[17:45]helps relieve them from from stress so up until now we understand

[17:58]that Islam wants men to treat their wives in a good manner

[18:04]but it also wants women to treat their men in a good

[18:07]manner and to strive to please them the Hadith continues and mentions

[18:14]a beautiful supplication that was done by the holy prophet Sall alai

[18:20]it seems that this was the prophet's habit he had the habit

[18:26]of reciting this supplication Prophet would say the following when he would

[18:37]supplicate oh Allah I seek refuge in you from a child who

[18:43]will treat me like a lord meaning I seek refuge in you

[18:54]from giving me a child who will treat me as if he

[18:56]is my master and as a result he'll mistreat me he'll yell

[19:02]at me he'll command me and tell me what to do a

[19:04]child should show immense respect to his parents and should show humility

[19:09]humbleness to his parents as the Quran says but some children unfortunately

[19:18]no they're they're not like that they they yell swear they might

[19:23]curse their parents God forbid then he says for I have a

[20:04]question yeah um okay see how uh the at the end of

[20:09]it it's a man doing a Dua for us as ladies can

[20:18]we change it and you know a woman can say for herself

[20:23]in know her son but when say for a female and when

[20:32]I read the Dua can I read it in know Z would

[20:36]that work too as a well a lady can ask for that

[20:41]yes she can ask in for a husband who doesn't uh uh

[20:46]basically make her feel discomfort a husband who doesn't disrespect her a

[20:50]she can she can ask for that but if someone wants to

[20:52]read the the exact Dua of right mhm then he he'll say

[21:01]now if if a lady is reciting the Dua she can say

[21:06]and intend that she's not talking about herself obviously rather she's talking

[21:10]about her let's say son oh I see that will that will

[21:20]turn that will cause my hair to turn gray before it's time

[21:24]for my hair to actually turn gray I see okay because if

[21:30]if if a person uh marries his his son if a lady

[21:32]for example marries her son to the wrong lady that lady might

[21:38]not only mistreat her son yeah her husband but she might also

[21:43]mistreat her mother-in-law and possibly because of the issues that arise between

[21:51]the lady and her husband the mother Allah will be grieving will

[21:55]be going through distress hence her hair will Ray so a lady

[22:05]can read the same Dua and say women but she intends that

[22:10]here she's talking about the Z the wife of someone else like

[22:14]her son okay thank you you're welcome so here the prophet says

[22:34]what I seek refuge in in you oh Allah from a wife

[22:40]who will make my hair turn gray or white before it is

[22:47]it is time for my hair to turn gray or white yeah

[22:49]he's telling us beware oh Muslim you know if you get married

[22:58]to the wrong lady then you might go through a lot of

[23:01]distress that's a reality hence Islam said make sure to choose your

[23:09]spouses carefully and I seek refuge in you from a close friend

[23:18]who's what who's devious who's uh who sorry who deceives he do

[23:26]Mak it just makes me think I don't know if it's true

[23:37]but this actually think of speci people he saying it no no

[23:45]he also said I seek refuge in you from uh um from

[23:49]a type of wealth that I will lose meaning I will not

[23:58]make benefit of that type of wealth and as a result it

[24:01]will be note meaning it will harm me it will harm me

[24:08]it will not benefit me here we can think of many examples

[24:17]or multiple examples uh pertaining to this segment the segment regarding money

[24:23]for example when someone wastes his money on gambling number one he's

[24:27]losing the money right unless he's actually winning when he's gambling but

[24:33]what's worse is that he's sinning and even if he wins the

[24:39]money one might say I Won Won we lost a fortune we

[24:42]lost a fortune in the the which is simply looking at the

[24:50]D right now that's a a major form of what of of

[24:52]uh of loss that someone goes through because of his wealth and

[25:02]apparently it's a problem these days and apparently uh unfortunately uh some

[25:10]some individuals who claim to follow who claim to be you know

[25:19]part of the Shia sometimes they fall into the sin they gamble

[25:24]that's that's bad it's really bad another example is simply managing your

[25:37]wealth or your money in an unwise manner such that you lose

[25:44]the money so you don't benefit from it in this world or

[25:46]the next you lose it it's your fault because you did not

[25:51]manage it properly and you didn't even make use of it regarding

[25:57]you could have paid with this money to to get rewards in

[26:02]the Hereafter but you lost it so you received harm you didn't

[26:04]receive benefit from the money so the Dua teaches us to do

[26:16]what to ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala for children who are obedient

[26:21]children who will be lovers of and will respect us and treat

[26:27]us well to ask for money that will be used in a

[26:33]way that pleases Allah subh such that we benefit from that money

[26:38]to ask Allah for z a wife that is what obedient a

[26:44]wife that is a good wife that doesn't that does not turn

[26:48]the life of her husband into a living hell last but not

[26:51]least to ask Allah for a for a good friend who doesn't

[26:59]um try to dis us ask Allah for a friend who doesn't

[27:05]await the opportunity to backstab you rather he he tries to protect

[27:14]you he wants to protect you whether you're beside him or not

[27:18]in your presence and in your absence that is a true friend

[27:28]Al

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