BH- Lesson 19- An effect of making one's family happy or comfortable - Hamam Nassereddine

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

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[0:29]in our last lesson we were looking at a few Traditions a

[0:37]few Hadith that speak about uh the good treatment that one should

[0:41]show to his wife and or to his family for example to

[0:44]his wife and children and we read a Hadith which which is

[0:51]and was quite alarming regarding the person who mistreats his family or

[0:58]doesn't treat the well doesn't give them enough attention to the point

[1:05]he loses his family today inshallah we're going to continue by mentioning

[1:10]a few other narrations that speak about how a man should treat

[1:17]his wife or his family and then we'll look at maybe one

[1:20]or two Traditions that speak about the wife and how she should

[1:23]treat her husband uh Point Behind These narrations is to understand as

[1:31]we said earlier as we said before that uh yes when we

[1:35]look at Juris credential books we see that uh the husband has

[1:40]a bunch of Rights over the wife and she has a bunch

[1:42]of Rights over the husband but that does not mean the husband

[1:48]uh or the wife should simply and only apply what is mentioned

[1:55]there no if they want to have a good very comfortable life

[2:00]filled with love filled with respect and Amity let them apply theam

[2:05]mentioned in the Juris Prudential books but on top of that let

[2:11]them apply the recommendations of and so we continue where we left

[2:19]off we were reading Traditions from I sent you two New Traditions

[2:22]right now in it is mentioned that AB Hassan said Abul Hassan

[2:30]I told you multiple times there are multiple imams that had the

[2:34]one of them is our commander one of them was IM and

[2:43]three other imams who also had the ab Hassan were IM IM

[2:52]and IM is known asass is known as abass and is had

[2:58]Sor is known as so the Hadith here says we said when

[3:29]we're when theth mentioned the narrations are talking about people that depend

[3:35]on you all right people that you uh sustain they depend on

[3:44]you and you are their sustainer and caretaker so for a man

[3:48]his would be who for example his wife and also his children

[3:54]might he have other yes maybe sometimes you are responsible of taking

[4:00]care of your sisters of your brothers maybe of your cousins right

[4:04]sometimes you are a person who is very responsible to the point

[4:10]you take care of a whole family meaning you know uncles aunts

[4:14]cousins and and and the likes nonetheless the least we can understand

[4:18]from this Hadith is that the IM is talking about the wife

[4:23]and the children could he be talking about other people maybe but

[4:25]now I want to focus on those two individuals the wife and

[4:32]the child he says they are his they are his captives and

[4:34]we said before that they're not technically captives they're not prisoners but

[4:41]the Imam calls them captives he's speaking in a figurative manner because

[4:47]obviously the the husband has uh authority over his wife and he

[4:54]also has authority over his children he's the man of the house

[5:05]and that technically means that at least on a social level at

[5:11]least on a social level he can allow them to do certain

[5:16]deeds and at the same time he might he might prohibit them

[5:23]of doing certain Deeds for example when the father uh tells his

[5:27]children that they're not allowed to leave the house after let's say

[5:31]9:00 p.m.

[5:32]naturally they're going to listen to their father right they will not

[5:36]leave the house after 9: PM correct the husband has will over

[5:44]his wife he has authority over his wife as we said before

[5:50]um according to he has authority over his wife regarding leaving the

[5:57]house she's not allowed to leave the house without his permission except

[6:00]in two cases one of whichs to her family which we're going

[6:03]to look at in or we can look at someday to give

[6:07]you the details and one that that pertains toat if she needs

[6:13]to do something W that can only be done by leaving the

[6:17]house like performing Islam then he cannot prevent her from leaving the

[6:21]house so he has Authority an amount of authority over her hence

[6:27]IM says they are his his captains yes for the children are

[6:38]the children only limited to that until or for as long as

[6:48]so the the child cannot disobey the parent even if he's older

[6:59]than 21 years old if disobeying the parent um hurts the parent

[7:06]provided that the parent is number one not telling the child to

[7:15]do something that is Haram something that you know that displeases Allah

[7:20]subhana wa t such as drinking wine or removing the hij and

[7:22]at the same time the parent is getting hurt because um because

[7:29]he cares or she cares for her child for example for example

[7:36]if the parent you know is telling his child not to go

[7:40]to a certain area Okay because he cares for his child and

[7:44]that area is somewhat dangerous not the safest area here supposing that

[7:51]it's Halal for the child to go to to that area supposing

[7:53]that it's Halal if the parent will get hurt again this applies

[7:59]to the mom and the dad if the will get hurt because

[8:01]he or she cares for the child um he or she will

[8:07]get hurt if the child this obeys him or her in that

[8:11]case it would be unlawful for the child to go there even

[8:13]if he's over 21 years of age but if he's trying to

[8:18]do a good for example as an example let's say parent forbid

[8:22]their child from going to Jihad uh so is the child not

[8:27]allowed to go for hello for such such a case uh we'

[8:36]have to see theam because here we're talking waj right it could

[8:40]be waj on him so I'm not saying that he should go

[8:44]I'm not saying he shouldn't because I'm unsure at the moment of

[8:47]of the the the specifics and the details yeah but uh putting

[8:54]theat aside if they simply tell him not to do something which

[8:59]is Mu which is you can do it and and you can

[9:05]refrain from it they tell not to do this thing right and

[9:07]this is because they care for him and if he disobeys them

[9:12]they get hurt at that point it would be Haram for him

[9:15]to disobey them make sense the age does not matter in this

[9:19]case even if he's above 21 years of age yeah a question

[9:26]that comes to mind which we can look at later what if

[9:30]they tell to do something Mak they're not telling him to do

[9:33]something Haram but it's Mak it's just like stopping from must they

[9:42]can they can yeah so if they tell him again this is

[9:46]based on S laws if they tell him not to fast not

[9:52]not the again because they care for him for example the the

[9:58]days are very long it's in the summer and the day is

[10:02]very long they tell their child don't fast today and this is

[10:05]because they care for him they fear that he might get hurt

[10:09]he might get you know dehydrated Etc his health might deteriorate and

[10:13]he knows that if he if he disobeys them they're going to

[10:18]get hurt in that case he will not he will not be

[10:22]allowed to fast yeah but again we're talking about must fast not

[10:26]the W fast he has to fast sh Ramadan uh who had

[10:32]a question abdah thinking his right who that's the thing because of

[10:53]their status because they are his parents Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala uh

[10:59]uh grants them um an amount of dominion over their children and

[11:09]this is something that applies to all of us yeah just as

[11:12]your parents have that kind of dominion over you you're going to

[11:17]have it over your children they're going to have it over their

[11:22]children uh the parent does not want to does does not and

[11:30]should not misuse this uh thing we called Dominion right should not

[11:36]misuse his dominion over the child because it could also lead to

[11:40]problems if you overdo it the child might Rebel the child might

[11:47]become a h because of what because of the amount of pressure

[11:51]that you're putting on him hence we have ai telling us to

[11:56]do what in the world is right just as we have we

[12:02]have Islam is is a beautiful religion it's a religion of balance

[12:08]just as it tells you treat your parents well it also says

[12:12]treat your children well if I'm a parent it doesn't mean my

[12:17]children don't have rights and it doesn't mean I can you know

[12:19]oppress them day and night and I can get away with it

[12:23]n some people misunderstand Islam they say Islam is unfair why is

[12:27]it unfair because look at Islam it tells you that you have

[12:33]to respect your parents and treat them well and then because of

[12:36]this the Islam the parents take advantage of their children and mistreat

[12:39]them we say hold on hold the breakes for second Islam said

[12:44]treat your parents well that's a given but it did not allow

[12:46]the parents to oppress their children Islam said that if parents oppress

[12:50]their children Allah T will will punish them or might punish them

[12:53]for their oppression they'll be held accountable for what they did make

[12:57]sense so just as it tells us to treat our parents well

[13:03]it also tells us to treat our children well treat them with

[13:08]care so as a parent S I have um an amount of

[13:14]you know dominion over my child but that doesn't mean I should

[13:16]I should uh put the child under a lot of pressure to

[13:22]the point where he Rebels and tells me I don't want to

[13:25]listen to your words I can care less about what you say

[13:29]here I will have led him to that state and that's bad

[13:32]obviously right yes the grandparents I yeah let me look into it

[14:00]inshallah what I can confirm at the moment is the paternal grandfather

[14:04]he is he has will over his grandchildren in certain matters uh

[14:11]he's in clear terms he is the W of his grandchildren just

[14:18]as the father is the W of the grandchildren as of his

[14:23]children make sense so so what happens is uh for example in

[14:28]let's say marriage if the grandpa is alive and the father is

[14:34]alive we're talking about the grandpa from the father's side if I

[14:37]take his I and his permission to marry his granddaughter I can

[14:40]marry the granddaughter make sense I can marry her the grandfather from

[14:47]the father's side is the W of the grandchild just as the

[14:50]father is the W okay that's what I can confirm at the

[14:56]moment but we'll inshallah we'll try to bring more info uh in

[15:00]the near future future you a comment no so going back to

[15:04]theith we almost out of time um it says says if Allah

[15:17]tal gives a person a blessing then let him let him use

[15:24]that blessing to make his captives more comfortable for example I have

[15:29]a job alhamdulillah I have a salary and then Allah subhana wa

[15:34]tala opens a new door for me I acquire a better job

[15:39]with uh a better salary so now there's Allah has given more

[15:43]sustenance as a result I should make my family what more comfortable

[15:47]so I buy them me chocolate you know I buy them let's

[15:53]say uh I don't know my video games for my children things

[15:56]that makes them that that make them more comfortable we go out

[16:00]mean uh to the park have a barbecue Etc and there are

[16:07]many ways through which you can make them comfortable yes just example

[16:10]let say I have aob and I am my now I have

[16:16]a chance at another job which pays more yeah but it's more

[16:18]responsibility more work okay and I can use that to make our

[16:23]lives more comfortable okay am I obligated to take that job not

[16:27]obligated no not obligated because the itself is it's not to do

[16:33]right to to make them more comfortable uh yes the IM is

[16:40]is recommending it but it's must it's not so it's not wag

[16:44]to to acquire that job I would say perhaps it's more wise

[16:50]because when you have better income then you can do more Good

[16:53]Deeds with that income number one you can make your family comfortable

[16:55]number two you can pay more sakat and you can actually uphold

[17:00]projects that that are holy projects right projects that please Allah subhana

[17:07]wa tala yeah but then again perhaps sometimes um choosing the job

[17:16]with the lower salary is better why because with that job you

[17:20]can preserve your Dean your religion with the new job the one

[17:25]that gives you more more income you're going to have to fall

[17:29]into a few uh sins a few violations because you're uh accepting

[17:34]that job for example the setting for that job is is a

[17:41]polluted setting something that pulls you away from Allah subhana wa tala

[17:44]and you know for a fact if you're there yes you'll make

[17:48]more income but you're gonna also commit more sins so in that

[17:52]case no sticking with the first job would be better than than

[17:54]going to the second one yeah if the person does not do

[18:03]what you said what will happen he says if he doesn't do

[18:14]it if he doesn't you know bestow a blessing or blessings on

[18:17]them with Allah's permission to make them more comfortable then it is

[18:23]very likely that the blessing the new blessing he had received from

[18:29]Allah subhana tala will leave it will fade away so this is

[18:44]another Hadith indicating that you know treating your family in a good

[18:49]way uh making them comfortable is something Allah subhana wa taala loves

[18:55]the second Hadith I sent you is short but quite deep if

[18:59]you think about it the prophet says Subhan Allah says behold the

[19:12]best amongst you are the ones who treat their women the best

[19:21]manner then he says person who treats his women in the best

[19:28]manner is me well the word N means women and that covers

[19:39]um any lady whether it's it's a mother a daughter a sister

[19:45]a wife but in this context the least we can say is

[19:52]is talking about wives yeah and that's the what they call we

[19:56]are sure he's talking about the wives perhaps he's talking about uh

[20:04]female relatives in general maybe but that would give the same message

[20:08]that we're trying to give which is if if you treat your

[20:13]wives in a good way you'll be doing something that pleases Allah

[20:17]subhana wa ta'ala the the the more good treatment you show them

[20:21]the the higher your status in the eyes of Allah will be

[20:26]so now when the husband understands this message from he understands that

[20:32]um the better he plays his role as a good husband the

[20:37]higher his status will be in the eyes of Allah this will

[20:39]motivate him to treat his wife what in a good way and

[20:44]not only to abide by what theam what by what the jurist

[20:50]credential books say he'll do more than that I'll try to make

[20:53]her H happy comfortable um if she makes a mistake he'll forgive

[20:57]her one will say what am I gaining what are you gaining

[21:04]Prophet is telling you the best amongst you are the ones who

[21:12]show their women the best treatment or the best kind of treatment

[21:19]so you are gaining a lot you are gaining a lot if

[21:20]you're a good husband your you will possess a high status in

[21:28]the eyes of Allah subhah next week inshah we'll shed light on

[21:35]what the said about women I wanted to start with the men

[21:39]that we don't get accused of anything now we'll mention the Hadith

[21:46]that speak about the woman

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