BH- Lesson 18- Is a spouse only required of upholding his/her Fiqhi duties? - Hamam Nassereddine

5 المشاهدات· 24/10/22

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

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[0:07]m in our last class we were mentioning that when a person

[0:48]finds a suitable spouse before uh they get married uh or during

[0:56]the early stages of their marriage preferably before before the contract it

[1:03]is important it is wise to mention their expectations so what does

[1:09]the male expect from his wife and what does the female expect

[1:13]from her husband the reason we're saying this is when each one

[1:19]reveals his or her expectations uh things will be clear each individual

[1:25]will know what he's getting himself into and they will be able

[1:30]to disc discover more whether they are compatible or not and compatibility

[1:35]plays a big role in the uh successfulness of the marriage whether

[1:41]the marriage will be successful or Not by successful I mean will

[1:47]it last or not and on top of that will they be

[1:50]comfortable and happy with each other or not sometimes you have two

[1:58]individuals who get married and their marriages don't last ends with divorce

[2:03]then again sometimes two people do get married and their marriage does

[2:07]not end with divorce as in that they remain married until one

[2:13]of them or both of them passes away but throughout their marriage

[2:17]they're not too happy they're not comfortable they we want to aim

[2:26]for what having a marriage that lasts until that and at the

[2:29]same time is a comfortable marriage a marriage a marital life in

[2:34]which we find Comfort we find happiness obviously life is filled with

[2:38]challenges and it's normal that when a person gets married he will

[2:43]or she will he or she will go through challenges or will

[2:47]face problems with his or her spouse that's normal that's a given

[2:51]but what's most important is knowing how to deal with the problems

[2:58]and not allowing the problems to grow to a point where their

[3:06]lives become miserable and or their marriage ends with divorce so mentioning

[3:14]the expectations is important we also mentioned that after each one mentions

[3:22]his or her expectations um it is wise to be lenient as

[3:27]in if you see that your expectations do not align perfectly with

[3:34]one another it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to throw in

[3:38]the towel as they say and give up and say kalas I'm

[3:43]GNA find someone else no try to come to a you know

[3:45]to a middle ground agreement to a middle agreement uh provided that

[3:53]you see that this individual is somewhat compatible with you and at

[3:59]the same time this individual has has the three let me call

[4:02]them golden traits IM Faith piety and good morals we said previously

[4:13]and we'll say it again if you find someone with those three

[4:17]traits you found a gem you have found a gem all right

[4:22]we've mentioned the expectations then what then what if you're able to

[4:31]to you know if you find that you should proceed and marry

[4:37]this individual then throughout the marriage or after the contract or even

[4:45]before the contract it all goes back to you it would be

[4:49]wise to read the rulings pertaining to the rights of the husband

[4:57]and the wife this is not only wise it's actually necessary it's

[5:02]necessary for a man to know what are his obligations in regards

[5:06]to his wife and it's necessary for a woman to know what

[5:12]are her obligations in regards to her husband hence personally I I

[5:19]like to give this piece of advice this is not wag but

[5:23]it's it's wise to do usually after the contract after two people

[5:30]get married a period of time goes by before they have the

[5:33]wedding now this period will vary depending on what depending on culture

[5:38]customs habits and the families as well sometimes a person will for

[5:44]example um will will be married but an x amount of years

[5:53]will pass before the wedding takes place so there will be an

[5:56]x amount of years between the occurrence of the contract which makes

[6:00]them actually husband and wife and the occurrence of the wedding sometimes

[6:03]no the period is quite short me three or four or six

[6:08]months pass and the wedding happens there is a tradition indicating that

[6:13]between IM Ali's contract with say fatim and their wedding there was

[6:20]one month so after one month they the wedding took place usually

[6:24]there's a period of time in which they get to know each

[6:27]other more and then after that period of time uh uh passes

[6:34]the wedding happens throughout that period it would be wise that both

[6:38]of them you know take a look at the books of Juris

[6:46]prudence and read what is w on the on the man and

[6:47]what is wag on the woman what are his duties and what

[6:52]are her duties but at the same time it is necessary to

[6:58]keep the following point in mind what's the point in the books

[7:03]of jurist prudence the maraja will mention the bare minimum that a

[7:14]husband or a wife should do towards his or her spouse they'll

[7:18]mention the bare minimum meaning what's waj on the husband towards his

[7:24]wife and what's W what's mandatory on the wife towards her husband

[7:30]which means you are not obligated to only perform what's inside the

[7:37]book of jurist prudence in fact if you want your marital life

[7:43]to be successful or let me be more precise in my terms

[7:50]if you want your marital life to be a comfortable a happy

[7:53]and very successful marital life then you must also look at what

[8:00]look at the of and see what have they said in regards

[8:06]to how a husband should treat his wife and how a wife

[8:11]should treat her husband in better terms look at the recommendations of

[8:15]what have they said in regards to spousal treatment and follow their

[8:20]recommendations follow their guidelines if you do that if the husband does

[8:26]this and the wife does it as well they will be happy

[8:31]without doubt they will be happy and if they're not happy sue

[8:43]me just like it's like we brought her to house one month

[9:01]based on a tradition one month yes yes yes yes curiosity um

[9:09]would it not be better to know the obligations before you get

[9:13]into something like you should know how to maintain a car what

[9:17]needs to be done to maintain a car before you buy a

[9:21]car right uhuh so can ask why you're recommending this after the

[9:26]uh because usually you don't if you want to learn before if

[9:36]you want to learn the laws that we mentioned before the that's

[9:39]fine not a problem whatsoever yeah I'm recommending people to do this

[9:46]after the because the sad reality is usually people don't take a

[9:51]look at the Islamic laws so the what I'm saying is at

[9:56]least do it after the is done make sense yeah yeah at

[10:08]least do it after the H yeah yeah there's a sad reality

[10:21]people usually don't don't learn their laws there's a lot of ignorance

[10:26]in the Islamic World regarding what's W and what's Haram the conditions

[10:31]of prayer for example the conditions of fasting the conditions of certain

[10:35]obligations and Etc the same applies to Za you know people get

[10:41]into marriage do they know the laws no they don't this is

[10:47]one reason why people usually refer to sh to perform the contract

[10:51]because they sincerely don't know how to get married right but uh

[10:56]little do they know that they can do it on their own

[11:01]the presence of a she is not necessary if someone actually knows

[11:03]the Islamic laws and knows how to get married he knows the

[11:06]conditions of Z then he can get married without the presence of

[11:11]a she or a s yes the presence of the she or

[11:14]the S adds blessing to the Gathering obviously because you have someone

[11:18]who's who who's you know well versed with the narrations of with

[11:21]the Quran Kim with Islamic not knowledge Etc um but it's not

[11:28]necessary the same applies to divorce right right with divorce if a

[11:31]person knows how to get divorced on his own he knows the

[11:35]laws he knows the conditions Etc he can perform the divorce talking

[11:39]about the husband he can perform the divorce without the presence of

[11:42]a she however referring to is good it's good I'm not saying

[11:49]people should distance themselves from from or or Scholars no having a

[11:53]connection with the houses students with the scholars is is is very

[11:57]good and it's actually needed uh Ah that's a deep question that

[12:13]that needs maybe a series of of lessons yeah yeah that needs

[12:17]a series of what was his question I didn't hear him the

[12:21]question was uh based on my limited experience of course um based

[12:28]on my experience what are the main reasons which are leading people

[12:33]to divorce yeah uh that needs a series of of lectures yeah

[12:42]yeah yeah perhaps but uh I'll tell you one thing Ahmed uh

[12:48]if the husband tries his best to be a good husband a

[12:55]husband uh he tries to to to follow the guidelines given to

[13:04]husbands by and if the wife tries her best to be a

[13:07]good wife to uphold the guidelines that gave to our women then

[13:14]they'll be happy I'll be comfortable yeah sure some some problems might

[13:20]occur there will be a few bumps on on on on on

[13:25]the way right that's normal but uh they'll be able to to

[13:29]live with each other in comfort and to actually have you know

[13:33]true love towards one another yeah uh the one problem is is

[13:40]sometimes one of the spouses or both they're not applying what say

[13:48]either out of ignorance because they don't know what said or out

[13:57]of uh stubbornness they know yeah the wife knows what she should

[14:01]do as a wife and the husband knows what he should do

[14:06]as a husband but one of them or both of them don't

[14:08]want to follow the guidelines of yeah that's one reason that's one

[14:14]reason helloin you had a comment no comment okay so again just

[14:30]to uh clarify the point regarding learning the laws a person can

[14:34]do it before the marriage that's fine but one reason why I

[14:37]said let them do it let the two spes the husband and

[14:41]the wife do it after the contract is because usually people don't

[14:44]take a look at the Islamic laws unfortunately uh before before marriage

[14:51]uh I'm talking here of course about the Islamic laws pertaining to

[14:56]marriage nonetheless it is very important to understand that what what the

[15:01]fuk mention in the books of Juris Prudence is the bare minimum

[15:05]of what the husband or the wife should do but the F

[15:10]the jurist is not telling you you have to Simply abide by

[15:12]what I am saying you cannot go beyond this he's not saying

[15:16]this or if we go to the narrations of we find other

[15:24]recommendations we find them telling us to do things that we might

[15:28]not find in the books of Juris Prudence again because the book

[15:35]of Juris Prudence tells you the bare minimum what is the what

[15:40]what is the the bare minimum that that should be upheld or

[15:49]that should be done by the husband and by the wife this

[15:56]is where you find people falling into grave m mes for example

[16:03]you'll hear Sometimes women saying you know I'm not obligated to clean

[16:08]the house I'm not obligated to wash the dishes I'm not obligated

[16:16]to sweep the floor to prepare the bed so on so forth

[16:19]meaning I'm not obligated by Allah tala to take care of the

[16:23]house chores and we say in response it isah if you want

[16:27]to talk jurist Prudence you're right but if if you want to

[16:30]talk then no you are obligated From perspective why because the Mistress

[16:35]of the women of the world would not only uphold the house

[16:41]chores but she would exhaust herself in upholding the house chores so

[16:50]if you want to follow the lead of Z then you will

[16:53]uphold these house chores you'll consider it your duty to do so

[16:59]then again you know um a husband also might mention certain laws

[17:09]you might say I'm not obligated to sleep every night in my

[17:14]house which is which is correct if you're married to one lady

[17:20]you're not obligated to sleep every night in the house of that

[17:24]lady you're not obligated but is that something that you should do

[17:27]if you're in the same city with your wife should you sleep

[17:31]outside of your house as is it good to do that that's

[17:36]a different story so what I mean to say is if men

[17:38]want to Simply stick to what is waj and women want to

[17:45]stick to Simply what is w in regards to spousal treatment then

[17:51]um yeah it is they should understand that this is not exactly

[17:59]what Allah subhah waala wants them to do Allah wants them to

[18:07]have a happy and healthy marital life and in order for them

[18:13]to achieve that goal they should follow the recommendations of yes I

[18:26]understand your point but I'm just trying to expain with together that

[18:31]something that's not jeally but yeah if I don't do it I'm

[18:42]not doing a sin correct but there is something I'm doing wrong

[18:45]but how does that fall within that structure is it I have

[18:50]to look at it separate from that structure of sin and so

[18:57]basically to understand Islam in order to have a good understanding or

[19:03]a good Vision regarding what Islam wants us to do we have

[19:09]to remember that Islam consists of three main components the beliefs the

[19:13]laws and the um let's suppose that the laws are like the

[19:22]skeleton of a body okay without the skeleton the body will will

[19:27]not be able to stand right you need the skeleton to actually

[19:32]stand if you have if you don't have bones then your body

[19:35]will will be mushy and will fall down correct then again if

[19:42]you only have a skeleton that doesn't work you in order to

[19:45]have a body a full body you need what you need organs

[19:51]body parts and you need skin to cover that skeleton s if

[19:54]you have the body you have the the skin the body parts

[19:57]the skeleton but you don't have a soul can the body move

[20:02]it can't move it needs a soul the soul gives it life

[20:07]so consider the beliefs to be the soul of Islam without beliefs

[20:11]there's no Islam No Islam you can pray day and night if

[20:14]you don't have the right beliefs your prayers are are nullified you

[20:19]can fast day and night your fast will be nullified if you

[20:23]don't have the right beliefs so the beliefs are the soul of

[20:26]Islam the laws are the skeleton yeah you need to know what

[20:32]is the bare minimum that you should do to be saved on

[20:34]the day of judgment but the are what they're the body meaning

[20:40]the the skin the body parts the body excluding the skeleton with

[20:44]the you'll through the AK you'll truly see the beauty of Islam

[20:49]if you simply stick to doing if you simply stick to the

[20:56]Islamic laws yes you're not doing anything Haram if you're doing all

[21:00]of youraj and you're refraining from the you're not doing anything Haram

[21:06]so you're not a s a sinner hence you don't deserve to

[21:11]be punished but are you necessarily doing what Allah wants you to

[21:19]do in better terms are you doing everything Allah wants you to

[21:26]do no hence we have things called Mak what's a Mak is

[21:30]something that's disliked if I ask Allah do you want me to

[21:37]do the M the answer will be what no hence it's called

[21:40]Mak right Ya Allah if I do Mak will I go into

[21:44]Jam he's going to tell me no because it's Mak it's but

[21:50]I your God I want to discipline you I want you to

[21:55]be disciplined and I would prefer that you do not do these

[22:01]Mak the opposite applies to the is something Allah loves something Allah

[22:06]wants you to do if I don't do it to go to

[22:14]hell Allah tells me no hence it's called it's not W so

[22:16]if I don't pray whatsoever which is one of the greatest can

[22:21]I still make it into heaven yes I might lose you know

[22:26]certain ranks in church but I will make it into heaven if

[22:28]I do the and leave the but I will have lost a

[22:33]great deal of what a great deal of uh rewards and I

[22:37]will have lost a big status that I could have gained an

[22:40]honorable status in the eyes of Allah T that I could have

[22:45]gained make sense now does Allah want me to do the must

[22:51]he wants he prefers that you do it makes sense so I

[22:55]think with this example the examples of we can understand why we're

[23:03]saying that okay learn the the the the laws regarding spousal treatment

[23:07]know what's wag on you as a husband and on you as

[23:11]a wife but remember that you're not obligated to only abide by

[23:18]what's in the books of Juris Prudence in fact if you want

[23:25]a comfortable and happy life abide by what said in their makes

[23:33]sense yeah the my friends my brothers and sisters are really important

[23:40]through akl we can see the beauty of of uh of Islam

[23:43]um let me allow me to give at least one example depending

[23:50]on how much time we have left to clarify this this point

[23:56]think of right uh when I treat my when I deal with

[24:04]my parent whether we're talking about a mom or a dad there's

[24:08]a there's a bare minimum there's there's um a specific kind of

[24:20]treatment that I'm supposed to show my parents if I don't show

[24:26]them that kind of treatment I will be considered the right I'll

[24:30]be considered as one who is mistreating his parents so there's a

[24:33]line there's a line or multiple lines that you cannot cross in

[24:40]regards to the way you treat your parents if you cross those

[24:42]lines you're what you're H for example if I swear at them

[24:47]I'm a h I'm a sinner and Allah considers me what to

[24:52]be someone who's mistreating their parents his parents if I yell at

[24:58]them I if I hit them I in fact the IM tells

[25:03]me that you can't even stare at them in a in a

[25:05]in a bad way you know when you when you give someone

[25:08]an ugly stare a stare of anger right you can't stare at

[25:13]them in that way right and this is something that we might

[25:15]fall into sometimes we're not hence we seek forgiveness from Allah subhana

[25:19]wa tala but okay suppose that I don't cross any of the

[25:24]lines which make me H so I treat my my parents in

[25:30]a good way but to the bare minimum meaning I show them

[25:35]a minimal amount of good treatment to the point I'm not H

[25:43]have I done my duty in that case as in am I

[25:45]doing what I'm supposed to do yes and no yes in the

[25:51]sense that you're not a sinner but know in the sense that

[25:57]Allah doesn't only want that from you Allah advised you advise you

[26:01]to treat your parents in the best of ways the more good

[26:08]treatment you show them the higher your status will be in the

[26:12]eyes of Allah subhanahu wa taala so I can say that I

[26:17]can say with confidence Allah wants me to shower my parents with

[26:20]kindness as soon as I say to someone will tell me is

[26:24]it take it easy I'm not talking about here I'm talking about

[26:33]God's plan Allah wants me to be a perfect human being and

[26:36]part of my perfection in order to reach my perfection I shouldn't

[26:42]only treat my parents in a good manner I should try to

[26:45]treat them in the best of manners so if I can I

[26:51]will you know massage their bodies if I can I'll hug them

[26:57]every day kiss them every day I'll ask do you need anything

[26:59]if my mother needs to go shopping I'll take her shopping I'll

[27:05]try to be at their service as much as I can by

[27:06]doing that I'm not only doing the bare minimum which which protects

[27:13]me from being h no no I'm doing more and more B

[27:19]I'm doing more and more I'm showing my parents more and more

[27:25]good treatment which basically elevates my status in the eyes of Allah

[27:30]subhana so when we come to the spouses there's a bare minimum

[27:32]that both have to uphold if they uphold that bare minimum of

[27:38]of of good treatment then they're doing their waj no one can

[27:44]say that they're not doing their waj but is this what Allah

[27:47]subhana wa tala wants no Allah wants more Mak sense yes he

[27:54]doesn't obligate you to do more why because that goes back to

[28:02]his wisdom he knows exactly how much um how much he should

[28:08]command you to do and how much uh um must he should

[28:12]command you to do he knows what should be W and what

[28:18]shouldn't if Allah wanted he could have told us to pray six

[28:23]daily prayers or seven daily prayers you could have said you know

[28:25]is but he knows best that okay foram commanding them to do

[28:34]five daily prayers is is enough or make I'll make so I'll

[28:42]give them the option of doing it or not but if they

[28:45]do it they elevate makes sense so the husband who treats his

[28:51]wife in a good manner and doesn't only do the bare minimum

[28:57]that person does what that person elevates the wife who doesn't only

[29:01]do the bare minimum she she tries to be at the service

[29:04]service husband she tries to treat him like a king J while

[29:09]he treats her like a queen I want to mention this you

[29:14]know because these days you get criticized if you only talk about

[29:18]woman right we'll talk about men no problem he tries to treat

[29:20]her like a queen she tries to treat him like a king

[29:25]he both of them Elevate in the eyes of Allah subhah wa

[29:29]tala is that clear yeah the example was was was a good

[29:36]example right alhamd yes yeah many countri many cities many also been

[29:56]married more than 15 years that's to that in the subcontinent there

[30:08]was before the retion there was a lot of knowledge know their

[30:18]responsibility know their rights it was very common people used to live

[30:22]their whole lives they were very religious otherwise with non practicing people

[30:28]pring people everything you know as best as they could do but

[30:36]just know didn't know about these specific cultural norms that were more

[30:41]that took precedence let say over the that we know today that

[30:50]have always been there is just that perhaps not what's what's happened

[30:56]over the past 20 20 30 years is that uh wom their

[31:06]rights Jan now the situation is as far as as far as

[31:17]their responsibil the two respons as far as the man respons there

[31:22]is there is a list yes yes yes um there is many

[31:28]many many many situations where the woman not necessarily on the first

[31:36]day of marriage but after theing food not my respons not do

[31:44]itle the house respons trff exhausted he can't do that can't keep

[31:58]so this is probably it's much more common outside of our you

[32:04]know our ancestral lands there is a lot of um like subconscious

[32:10]uh like subliminal pramming from Western culture right right how how do

[32:19]you how do you square that as as a couple that walks

[32:27]into you uh to you know to your guidance like I mean

[32:34]the woman cannot be obviously you know I I completely I agree

[32:39]with you when she talk you talk about at the end of

[32:43]the day is how much off you want to apply is all

[32:48]is all personal right right and she says I don't want to

[32:51]do it responsibility husband provides you know a very realistic picture of

[32:56]what reality looks like right how do that like how do we

[32:59]how do we how do we create Harmony in that relationship most

[33:06]cases it's not one end but I'm just you have anything like

[33:15]well in in that case um when when the woman says for

[33:21]example that you know it's it's not wag on me to uphold

[33:25]the house chores to take care of the house chores hence I'm

[33:28]not going to take care of of the chores and you as

[33:32]my husband you cannot obligate me to the to to to perform

[33:34]these house chores the husband can say I can't obligate you to

[33:41]to do them but I would like you to do them and

[33:42]we have to understand that marriage is is what it's a it's

[33:50]a holy relationship and uh it's uh it should be a relationship

[33:55]of love respect and sacrifice J uh each spouse should help the

[34:03]other spouse to face his or her worldly challenges and to become

[34:09]a better person that's what we learned from and both of them

[34:18]would help the other endure the difficulties of Life both of them

[34:22]were ready to sacrifice themselves for uh for for each other the

[34:30]IM was ready to sacrifice himself for Fatima and FAA was ready

[34:35]to sacrifice herself for and in fact she did at the end

[34:38]of her life not only because he was her husband but on

[34:43]top of that and more importantly he was her Im so when

[34:47]we're talking about you know marriage Islamic marriage we're not talking about

[34:53]this relationship where each individual uh should should be forgive me for

[35:01]my words stubborn and should try to make the life of his

[35:06]or her spouse a living hell no we're talking about a relationship

[35:10]where each one should strive to make the other one happy J

[35:16]that being said um it only makes sense to say that someone

[35:20]has to take care of the house chores and someone has to

[35:25]take care of that the the the chores or duties pertaining to

[35:30]what's outside the house in clear terms one of the two spouses

[35:34]has to be the main provider for the family and one of

[35:38]the two spouses should be working inside the house taking care of

[35:41]what lies within the house inah we will read a tradition uh

[35:46]I wanted to read it today but uh we don't have any

[35:48]more time left next week inshallah about this issue about IM Ali

[35:55]and coming to and asking him what are their duties right so

[36:03]we understand from the from the traditions of that a lady is

[36:06]responsible of taking care of what lies within the house and the

[36:10]husband is responsible of of providing for the family bringing the bread

[36:15]the money uh and other forms of provisions and sustenance here when

[36:19]you look at this you see that they work like a team

[36:24]she's inside he's outside they work like a team they help each

[36:26]other but when the ladies says you know what it's not waj

[36:28]on me to take care of the house chores all right so

[36:31]what's your wajibat what are your waj in that case if the

[36:36]husband is doing his part in bringing money bringing food and what

[36:40]not to the house then what is your role as a wife

[36:44]make sense if she says I don't want to do it us

[36:45]period I don't want to do it we say okay sure you

[36:48]can do it you can take that stance but where will that

[36:52]lead your husband that's a different story at the end of the

[36:56]day when someone feels that he's not comfortable in his or her

[36:59]house what's going to happen we have to be realistic problems are

[37:04]going to happen and this goes both ways I'm going to give

[37:06]an example uh in a few minutes about the Man how he

[37:13]might misuse his will his authority and his his his uh his

[37:18]treatment towards his wife might lead to also big problems right uh

[37:22]we have to be realistic the way you behave your behavior uh

[37:28]has an effect on your marital relationship someone can say Kal I'm

[37:34]not going to do this period you can't convince me sure where

[37:38]will that lead you God knows it might lead to problems it

[37:41]might lead to divorce because you're not showing any leniency right I'm

[37:48]going to give an example that might be a bit uh sensitive

[37:54]actually it's very sensitive but this example will help clarify how you

[37:58]know a person cannot simply say you know what I just want

[38:01]to do my waj and that's it you have to live with

[38:04]me you have to accept me no if if if you're not

[38:09]willing to be lenient and you're not willing to you know follow

[38:14]the recommendations of then at the end of the day I can

[38:21]do the same right if a man for example says all right

[38:23]you don't want to do the the the um up hold the

[38:28]house chores take care of the house chores I don't have to

[38:30]sleep every night in my house technically he doesn't do not W

[38:37]right but what will that do where will that lead him where

[38:44]will that lead her will she be happy if she's not sleeping

[38:46]every night in the house she won't be happy right obviously she's

[38:50]going to ask herself where's my husband why is he not in

[38:53]the house what kind of thoughts will come to her mind God

[38:58]knows Jed he here when each one doesn't show any leniency to

[39:01]the other and each one is not willing to follow the recommendations

[39:06]of B gradually what's going to happen problems are going to happen

[39:10]and you're not going to find a family uh a family you

[39:15]know um that's comfortable you're going to find a family whose members

[39:21]are in constant you know fights and and they go through tension

[39:25]and whatnot yeah and we saying follow follow the that's the skeleton

[39:33]but you also have the body you have the the the the

[39:35]recommendations of or let's give a maybe a better example Authority when

[39:44]we come to Authority say without going into details the man has

[39:50]authority over his wife regarding her leaving the house J so if

[39:55]he doesn't give her permission to leave she's not allowed to lead

[39:58]except in two cases one which applies to her family members J

[40:04]which we can talk about later on and one which applies to

[40:06]waj if she has to leave the house to perform something waj

[40:10]as in she cannot perform that waj deed in the house then

[40:14]she can leave even even if he does not give her permission

[40:20]like what like she's she has the ability and the financial ability

[40:24]to perform Haj all the conditions of appli to her she has

[40:29]not done Hajj yet hence it is wag on her to go

[40:31]to Hajj the man says no you're not going Allah tells him

[40:35]yes she is going why because I'm her Lord I told her

[40:37]she has to go you can't stop her from doing the first

[40:42]HJ what we call Islam all right aside from that if the

[40:46]husband says I'm not going to allow my my wife to leave

[40:53]the house period can he do that from a perspective he can

[40:57]will it be wag on her to listen and obey yes will

[41:02]she like that she won't the same applies to the house Choice

[41:06]hence we tell men you know okay you have authority but don't

[41:12]misuse it don't misuse it you have to be realistic because if

[41:15]you misuse your Authority and you tell your wife you know you

[41:19]came into the house as a bride you're going to leave the

[41:21]house as a janaza right you're going to leave the house once

[41:26]you pass away where will that lead you that will lead to

[41:28]S at the end of the day you're you're kind of uh

[41:34]Strangling your wife I'm talking in a figurative manner right you're putting

[41:38]too much pressure on her when you say you can't leave the

[41:39]house period you entered as a bride you leave as as a

[41:45]janaza that's too much here we remember the word of when he

[41:52]says that he never forced s Fatima to do something she did

[41:56]not want to do then again she never disobeyed him when he

[42:00]commanded her to do something and we're going to get to that

[42:03]word inshallah later on so having leniency is necessary if she says

[42:10]I'm not going to do the house chores okay she can refrain

[42:13]from doing them but where will that lead her that's that's the

[42:15]question she has to be realistic he can say I want to

[42:20]misuse my will you can't okay you want to misuse it go

[42:21]ahead as then I want to go to the extreme and I

[42:27]want to tell her she can't leave the house period you can

[42:31]do that but where will that lead you you have to be

[42:33]realistic right be leant no the chores are not wag on her

[42:46]essentially they're not wag on her so if um if they get

[42:53]married um it's must for her to uphold the house chores he

[42:59]can tell her I want you to do them but it's not

[43:05]on her make sense yeah not W but again we repeat and

[43:07]perhaps next week we'll we'll add a few points to this to

[43:12]this topic uh which is by the way a very important topic

[43:16]um uh what do you call it each each of the two

[43:23]spouses has to you know think what can I do to make

[43:27]my spouse happy when each one of them thinks in that manner

[43:30]they will be happy they will be comfortable but if if there's

[43:38]meaning each one simply does something to bother the other individual right

[43:43]to push his or her buttons then you're going to find chaos

[43:47]you're going to find chaos in in in that house God forbid

[43:51]yeah all right a question does come to mind have to check

[44:06]for the answer to the question though um Can the husband place

[44:12]a condition on the wife before marriage that he wants her to

[44:16]uphold the house chores that I have to check yeah all right

[44:22]because we know that you can place conditions in in the the

[44:25]contract before you perform the contract you can do that but again

[44:30]a person has to be wise with the conditions that he instills

[44:33]in the contract because sometimes mentioning a particular condition could uh lead

[44:41]the other party meaning the other side to uh refuting the marriage

[44:45]all right just realizing that people change and if you're let's say

[44:53]in am for 50 60 years there will you will go to

[44:58]dang can we change the after the can it be modified Amed

[45:01]can you change the after addition well you can add conditions later

[45:09]on but not in the is done you can you you need

[45:14]a new H yeah like a buying selling contract for example yeah

[45:20]okay

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التالي

BH- Lesson 18- Is a spouse only required of upholding his/her Fiqhi duties? - Hamam Nassereddine

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التالي

BH- Lesson 18- Is a spouse only required of upholding his/her Fiqhi duties? - Hamam Nassereddine

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