What to Look for in a Husband - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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Transcript

[0:04]Alifchech.

[0:20][Music] for [Music] Father, can [Music] for [Music] the Fore!

[2:01]Foreign!

[2:02]Foreign!

[2:07][Music] foreign.

[2:41]Alam allayikum brothers and sisters thank you for uh attending our Thursday

[2:46]night program.

[2:48]Tonight inshallah we'll continue our series for um related to marriage good

[2:54]marriage.

[2:55]Last time we uh asked the question of what you look for

[2:59]uh in a good wife.

[3:02]Uh guess what?

[3:03]Today we're looking asking a question of what you look for in

[3:07]um a good husband.

[3:11]Very uh interesting question and uh my wife can give you some

[3:15]tips if you want.

[3:16]No, I'm just kidding.

[3:18]I'm here tonight just like you to learn from the lecture how

[3:21]to become a better father, a better husband, a better individual.

[3:28]Uh but before we start, I want to uh remind you of

[3:31]some of the um programs that coming up.

[3:34]We have a snack and chat this Sunday at Heritage Park at

[3:40]6 p.m.

[3:41]Uh we also have uh coming up uh the youth have a

[3:47]3D printing crash course.

[3:48]Uh this is on Saturday 27th uh 3 to 5 that requires

[3:52]registration.

[3:53]Uh we had uh a college app workshop as well uh for

[3:59]the high student for the high school students that was supposed to

[4:02]be uh tomorrow but that was uh postponed and we will share

[4:10]inshallah the uh new dates later.

[4:09]I um also wanted to remind everyone that the registration for this

[4:14]Saturday and Sunday uh schools is still uh underway and the schools

[4:19]will start first week of um October.

[4:24]Uh I hope I did not forget any other announcements.

[4:27]I think um I covered them all.

[4:31]Um and now let's welcome with Muhammad Ali Muhammad.

[4:55]Alhamdulillah.

[5:24]Two weeks ago, we had a discussion on what to look for

[5:34]in a wife and we discussed some of the qualities, some features

[5:40]to look for in a devout wife.

[5:42]And we promised the community that inshallah we will also discuss what

[5:51]to look for in a husband.

[5:53]So we shared the flyer and I already had about three four

[5:56]guys message me telling telling me just tell them my name and

[6:03]we'll addam to the list as well.

[6:05]So there's um this is also a very important discussion on what

[6:15]to look for in a husband.

[6:15]Just like it's important um to be very careful in finding a

[6:26]wife, it's also very important to have that careful spouse selection when

[6:32]it comes to choosing the husband and perhaps choosing that decision of

[6:40]for a sister for a lady to choose the husband.

[6:45]This is a very important decision and maybe the degree of importance

[6:49]is probably even more than the importance of the husband choosing the

[6:53]wife.

[6:54]Why?

[6:55]Because Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Quran the husband if

[7:11]he marries a lady yes the lady is 50% of the relationship

[7:16]but in Islam the husband in a relationship plays a more dominant

[7:26]role.

[7:25]Not that men are greater than women or any of that.

[7:32]No, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that the man has the duty

[7:39]to provide for the family and because the man has the duty

[7:44]to provide for the family and he also has the duty to

[7:47]protect the family.

[7:49]So this is imagine two are in a car.

[7:51]One is on the passenger seat helping with the navigation and you

[7:55]do this and you do that and there is also one behind

[8:00]the steering wheel.

[8:00]The one behind the steering wheel.

[8:03]The decisions that the one behind the steering wheel makes are very

[8:11]critical for the well-being and the safety of everyone all the passengers.

[8:15]So similarly just like any organization just like any government there's a

[8:20]hierarchy there's there has to be someone on top someone that makes

[8:28]the final decisions in Islam Allah subhana wa ta'ala has given that

[8:33]decision of course with the discussion and dialogue with the wife and

[8:38]the family but the final decision according to the Quran is in

[8:41]the hands of the husband and Allah subhana wa ta'ala says why?

[8:51]Because some have more superior roles.

[8:56]Sometimes the roles are a little bit more uh profound, more stressed

[9:05]upon and the duty of the husband in this in this case

[9:08]is the one that makes the major decisions when it comes to

[9:14]the family.

[9:14]And it is it is because it is the duty of the

[9:17]husband to spend on the family.

[9:19]So by default if the husband is the one that is the

[9:24]protector and the one that it is his duty to spend on

[9:28]the family, the husband is going to be making choices that will

[9:32]impact everyone else.

[9:32]For example, where we live, where we're going to be, where he's

[9:39]some of these decisions that might impact the family.

[9:42]And this is the role of or this is a role that

[9:50]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given to the husband in the relationship.

[9:53]And of course this is not only Islam's uh approach to this

[10:00]matter.

[10:01]Look, since the beginning of time, look in history in most societies,

[10:05]it is the men that are making the major decisions, especially the

[10:11]decisions that have to do with what is outside the home.

[10:16]Now, inside the home, yes, the the wife, the mother makes a

[10:19]makes the decisions, but the major decisions of outside the home, these

[10:23]are carried out by the man.

[10:27]So therefore for a lady to choose a husband it is a

[10:30]very critical and a very important and consequential decision.

[10:37]So this is why it's very important to think clearly and make

[10:42]a correct decision when choosing a husband.

[10:46]a decision that is not impacted by emotions, that is not impacted

[10:52]by desires or what she said and what he said.

[10:55]And no, this is something that needs to be well thought out,

[10:58]very well calculated because this is a very important decision.

[11:02]And of course, this also applies to the the wife and the

[11:07]husband or the husband to the wife.

[11:09]When you marry someone, you're not only marrying that person, you're taking

[11:13]from their genes.

[11:13]You're taking from their from their personality.

[11:17]Everything regarding that person is going to impact you.

[11:22]Meaning your children, the children that you have, the children that you're

[11:27]going to raise, they're going to share 50% of that other person's

[11:30]genes.

[11:31]So this is something very important.

[11:33]They're going to share that person's and manners.

[11:37]There are some qualities.

[11:39]These qualities they're passed down.

[11:42]This is why he tell he he tells the Muslims he says

[11:48]meaning be very careful who you marry because these qualities may maybe

[11:58]the quality of anger, the quality of generosity, the bravery, these type

[12:03]of qualities they're passed down.

[12:04]they're passed down to your children and they're going to impact you

[12:07]and impact your life.

[12:11]So this is something that is uh very important.

[12:15]Now when it comes to spouse selection, when it comes to choosing

[12:19]a husband or choosing a wife, you see that there are there's

[12:29]a conflict in priorities.

[12:30]You see our cultures and the norms, the social norms, they dictate

[12:39]a set of priorities, a set of things that are important.

[12:45]And then you also see religion also dictates something else.

[12:48]And sometimes there's a clash between what religion says and what cultures

[12:54]say.

[12:55]In fact, this happens more often than we imagined, especially when it

[13:00]comes to marriage.

[13:02]And you also see even some of the most religious families, those

[13:06]families that claim to be religious, when it comes to marriage, you

[13:10]see their culture kicks in and it might impact their decision- making.

[13:17]This is something that is very important.

[13:20]For example, your culture or your family ties and your norms tell

[13:30]you to marry someone from a high social status.

[13:31]This is something everyone wants.

[13:33]No one wants to marry into a lower social status.

[13:37]And sometimes this view ends up blocking us, blocking our perspective from

[13:47]making a sound decision.

[13:48]Sometimes you might see people will choose social status.

[13:53]They'll choose how much money is in the bank account.

[13:55]They'll choose what kind of a car he drives, what kind of

[14:00]a career he has over his and his salah and his faith.

[14:03]And this happens a lot.

[14:07]This happens a lot.

[14:07]You might even find some of the most devout religious families when

[14:11]it comes to this issue, they're tested.

[14:12]they come and they say no I want to give my daughter

[14:17]or a girl wants to marry someone or even a man wants

[14:22]to marry a girl from a high social status and sometimes the

[14:25]religion and the faith and the comes second or third or fourth

[14:29]in line it's not prioritized and this is something that happens a

[14:36]lot a lot of times the first thing people think about is

[14:41]financial stability you see if a guy has financial success, financial stability,

[14:45]he's making a lot of money, he drives a nice car, everyone's

[14:49]going to want that guy.

[14:51]But how many people are going to ask about this person's faith?

[14:59]How many people are going to ask about this person's?

[15:02]So, here's the question.

[15:05]Should a lady consider the potential husband's finances, career, stability?

[15:11]Is that something that a person should consider?

[15:13]The answer is yes.

[15:16]You should definitely consider that.

[15:16]No one is saying you don't consider that and you don't look

[15:20]at that.

[15:21]That is something that has to be considered as well.

[15:25]And we even have a hadith from who talks about someone that

[15:32]is uh that that is a good compatible partner.

[15:38]He says someone that is a good compatible and kafu and meets

[15:53]the requirements.

[15:55]These are two two criteria that sallallahu alaihi says.

[15:59]Number one, someone that has chastity, someone that is chasteed.

[16:04]What does a mean?

[16:08]Aif means someone that is abstaining from immorality, badl, especially when it

[16:16]comes to sexuality, especially when it comes to these matters.

[16:20]This is a very important quality to find.

[16:26]And often times you see why marriages end up failing.

[16:28]Women they come and they complain.

[16:30]They say my marriage is failing because my husband has no chastity.

[16:34]because my husband cannot control himself.

[16:36]This is this is one of the biggest struggles that many women

[16:39]face says and meaning the husband the one that you're looking at

[16:51]this person has to have a good record.

[16:54]This person cannot be someone who's playing around.

[16:58]There's some pe some guys they want to have relationship their whole

[17:01]life and then suddenly they just decide on settling down and then

[17:05]they come and they say now my now I want to get

[17:09]married.

[17:09]Doesn't work that way.

[17:11]Doesn't work that way.

[17:10]And especially for Muslims living in a predominantly open society where you

[17:18]have access to things that are haram, especially in this realm, in

[17:25]this field, the field of sexuality where chastity is tested on a

[17:29]daily basis for men and for women.

[17:31]This is a very important quality to find in a potential husband.

[17:38]Andoolah says this number one.

[17:42]And number two, what does that mean?

[17:47]That means yes, it's also important to look for stability.

[17:50]When you're getting married, you don't want to go into a mess.

[17:56]You don't want to go and marry someone that is unable to

[18:00]provide for himself, let alone a family and other people.

[18:04]And for a man to have financial stability, this is something that

[18:11]is very important.

[18:10]Now, there's a very big difference.

[18:12]Don't get me wrong.

[18:15]Some people are going to say, "Oh, then that means Islam promotes

[18:18]marrying someone that is very wealthy." No, there's a very big difference

[18:22]between someone that is extremely wealthy or you're marrying this person for

[18:27]their wealth versus someone that is hardworking and someone that is trying

[18:32]to provide a halal means for the family.

[18:35]And this is what a man is supposed to do.

[18:38]The duty of the husband is to provide for the family.

[18:41]The duty of the husband is to provide the this is why

[18:45]a husband has to work.

[18:47]Prophet He brought MS.

[18:51]He brought Musa.

[18:53]He He tells him, "I'll give you 10 years of refuge, but

[18:56]you have to work for me.

[19:00]You have to work for me.

[19:01]You work, you struggle, you hurt the sheep, you do whatever I

[19:03]tell you to do, then you will make a halal income.

[19:07]Then you will be able to provide for yourself." And for a

[19:10]man, now a lady, a lady, she could say, "I don't want

[19:15]to work." There's nothing wrong with that.

[19:17]If a lady says, "I don't want to have a career as

[19:21]as in what society is promoting right now.

[19:23]Instead, I want to focus on taking care of my marriage, taking

[19:28]care of my family, taking care of my children." This is a

[19:31]very good quality.

[19:32]Even though now we live in a society where motherhood and a

[19:35]lady being a good devout wife, this is something that is looked

[19:39]down upon.

[19:43]whereas he says for a lady her jihad is to be a

[19:50]good wife to take care of the children take care of the

[19:52]family because if the family strong then everything's going to be strong

[19:54]so a lady she could say I don't want to work I

[19:59]want to stay at home there's nothing wrong with that in fact

[20:01]if she is taking care of the family and taking care of

[20:05]the children that is more sacred for her that is something that

[20:10]is more honorable for her.

[20:10]But can a husband come and say, "I don't want to work

[20:12]today." No.

[20:14]Husband can't say that from an Islamic perspective, the husband has to

[20:20]get up and work.

[20:21]If you don't have a mage, even if you're making something very

[20:26]simple, even if you're doing something that is minimum wage, but the

[20:30]fact that you have you have to get up and work.

[20:34]And this is something that Allah would tell all the men.

[20:36]He would see a young man.

[20:39]He would ask him two questions.

[20:40]Are you married?

[20:39]And are you working?

[20:42]Because every man has to work.

[20:44]You can't just sit and wait on welfare, the government welfare.

[20:47]Some people this is what they want.

[20:50]They just want to lay not do anything and expect the to

[20:53]come from Allah.

[20:55]Yes, comes from Allah.

[20:56]But you have to put effort in it.

[20:58]So here Allah says two qualities.

[21:08]meaning that this person has to have an income, has to work,

[21:16]has to strive.

[21:18]Even if it's not much, even if he's driving a simple car,

[21:20]he has a simple modest house, but at least he's working.

[21:25]This is what you're supposed to look for.

[21:25]And this is something that's very important.

[21:28]Now, of course, a lot of people, this is where culture and

[21:34]norms, they clash with religion, where a lot of people, they'll choose

[21:38]wealth over religion and and all of these things and they look

[21:42]for someone having a lot of wealth, a lot of money.

[21:46]But this is this is something that we have to change our

[21:48]perspective on.

[21:50]Why?

[21:51]Because a lot of times people forget that and sustenance is in

[21:56]the hands of who?

[21:58]hands of God.

[21:58]You might marry someone thinking that this person is going to give

[22:04]you a very protected future, secure in terms of finances and then

[22:08]one problem happens in this person's life and they lose all of

[22:11]their money.

[22:12]Haven't we seen that happen before?

[22:13]And you also see the opposite.

[22:15]You might marry someone who is a hard worker who has that

[22:20]good work ethic but they don't have much but then they have

[22:22]the they have the faith they have the manners they have every

[22:27]all the other qualities and then Allah subhanana wa ta'ala opens it

[22:30]for them Allah subhanana wa ta'ala will bless them and increase their

[22:33]haven't we seen that happen in fact the majority of the people

[22:38]the majority of the people when they're in their teenage years when

[22:42]they're in their 20s they don't have much but then the slowly

[22:45]increases and it keeps getting more and more and more.

[22:50]This is the this is the sunnah of this life and Allah

[22:51]subhana wa ta'ala says in the Quran Allah says don't let money

[23:06]and finances be what makes the final decision.

[23:09]Yes, it's something that you should take into account, but it should

[23:12]not be the most important um variable in your decision making process.

[23:19]So these are two qualities that we mentioned.

[23:23]One is having that having that chastity.

[23:26]This is a very important quality in a man and in a

[23:30]woman.

[23:31]Of course, in a woman it's even more her hijab, her modesty,

[23:34]her chastity.

[23:35]This is something that is more highlighted.

[23:36]But a lot of people when they look at a woman, they

[23:40]only focus chastity on women.

[23:42]They don't focus chastity for men.

[23:44]But chast says look for cha chastity in a man as well.

[23:51]This is one.

[23:50]And second meaning this person has some level some degree of stability

[23:59]when it comes to finances.

[24:00]Now there are two other qualities that we will mention and this

[24:04]goes back to a hadith from Allah says He says, "If a

[24:37]man came to you and you agree to this person's two things,

[24:46]you agree with this person's faith and and these are two qualities."

[24:54]So we we already mentioned two.

[24:56]We mentioned having financial stability meaning work ethic and having chastity and

[25:04]now another two having faith and having Allah says marry this person

[25:10]have that on Allah subhanana wa ta'ala and agree to marry this

[25:13]person of course as long as there is that level of compatibility

[25:16]there's that level of attachment because the prophet says if you don't

[25:23]there's going to be fitna.

[25:26]There's going to be tumult.

[25:27]There's going to be problems.

[25:28]There's going to be facad.

[25:30]There's going to be corruption in the land when these good men

[25:36]are not being accepted as husbands.

[25:38]And this happens.

[25:38]I've seen this happen.

[25:41]I've seen this happen.

[25:41]Good men, maybe they don't have that much financially or maybe they

[25:44]don't come from a very high social status.

[25:50]They go and they propose and they keep getting rejected, rejected, rejected,

[25:54]rejected.

[25:54]Then what is that man going to do?

[25:58]That man shan comes and they bean begins to fool this person.

[26:05]They start leaving religion.

[26:05]And I've seen it happen with women as well.

[26:08]A lady who is modest, who practices chastity, goodl, she is rejected.

[26:15]they she's not she's not no one is you know approaching her

[26:18]for marriage because they're after the Instagram girls they're after the Tik

[26:22]Tok girls and then what happens this girl she comes and she

[26:27]says you know what this hijab is not working for me anymore

[26:30]this modesty and this chastity is not going to work for me

[26:32]anymore therefore I'm going to leave it and this is what the

[26:38]hadith of Allah he says there's going to be a huge fitna

[26:45]when the good righteous people they're not married with one another then

[26:50]they're going to go after that which is not qualifying for them

[26:52]that which is not compatible with them.

[26:55]So the first quality mentions is someone that has faith.

[26:59]Faith is a very important um it's it's a very important compass

[27:05]and it helps you make decisions in life and the person that

[27:12]you marry having faith versus not having faith is a very important

[27:17]decision maker.

[27:19]It impacts impacts their lives.

[27:20]So having faith is something that is very important.

[27:23]This is why in Islam for a man he is allowed to

[27:32]marry a non-Muslim woman according as long as she's from but for

[27:37]a lady she has to marry a Muslim man.

[27:39]Of course even for the man there are some scholars that say

[27:45]that that make it very difficult to marry a non-Muslim woman from

[27:49]Katab but the majority have allowed it.

[27:53]But for a lady, she has to marry a man that is

[27:55]Muslim.

[27:56]And the hadith of the imams of the alb explain why.

[28:03]Saddam, he explains why.

[28:03]He says because the the potential of the man changing and deviating

[28:14]the the lady is going to be much higher because if he

[28:18]has that if he has that level of level of decision making

[28:23]when it comes to the major issues when it comes to the

[28:25]family then he could come and deviate the family very easily.

[28:30]So this is why it's very important to find compatibility and look

[28:35]for compatibility when it comes to faith.

[28:39]And faith is very important.

[28:41]Not only when you're making decisions on who to marry, but later

[28:45]on down the line, 10, 20, 30 years down the line, faith

[28:51]is always going to be on your side.

[28:53]It's going to be something that will help you.

[28:56]is going to protect the relationship.

[28:58]When you are struggling, you resort to faith.

[29:01]When you are going through difficulties, you resort to faith.

[29:05]And those who have faith, they are much more careful.

[29:09]Today, a lot of people, they fall into relationships based off of

[29:14]lust.

[29:14]And then they say, "Yeah, we're going to do the kbikab later.

[29:17]We're going to do the marriage later." This is wrong because when

[29:25]you allow your emotions, when you allow your desires to come ahead

[29:29]of logic and reason and your faith, then that means this relationship

[29:33]is starting off to a bad start.

[29:36]Starting off with God not being in the not being in the

[29:43]equation.

[29:40]And this is something that could become um that could bring difficulties

[29:49]and challenges.

[29:47]And I've seen I've seen individuals they've told me they said when

[29:53]I got married faith was not a priority for me but now

[29:57]faith is a priority for me and now I find myself struggling

[29:59]with my spouse now I find myself struggling with my partner because

[30:04]one person moved on while the other was not ready to move

[30:08]on and you can't blame that person because that person says I

[30:11]didn't sign up for this when we signed up for it we

[30:15]were both we were both you know as what If you say

[30:16]not practicing now suddenly you want to practice.

[30:20]So it becomes it becomes challenging.

[30:23]It becomes very difficult for many relationships.

[30:27]This is why do yourself a favor from the beginning.

[30:29]Find someone that has the faith.

[30:32]And this is not only when it comes to marriage.

[30:34]This is when it comes to friendships and when it comes to

[30:40]any of these things.

[30:39]And you know often times you probably all have heard this.

[30:46]People come and they say say he's a very good person.

[30:48]He's very honest.

[30:51]He's very kind.

[30:51]But he doesn't pray.

[30:53]He doesn't fast.

[30:53]He doesn't believe in this and this and this.

[30:56]We hear this all the time.

[31:00]This is not a good attitude to have because when we have

[31:03]that attitude that means I'm telling myself it's okay to be not

[31:08]to not be religious.

[31:09]It's okay if he doesn't pray.

[31:10]It's okay if he doesn't fast.

[31:12]It's okay if he doesn't believe in the Hajj and doesn't do

[31:16]all of these things where it's not okay.

[31:18]It's not okay.

[31:18]Allah subhanana wa ta'ala who knows me best has given me these

[31:23]rules.

[31:22]Who am I to come and say it's okay if he doesn't

[31:24]pray?

[31:25]Allah said prayer is waj.

[31:26]I come and I say it's okay if he doesn't pray.

[31:29]So this is something that's very important to look for these things.

[31:37]and a lady when a husband when a man wants to come

[31:39]a suitor wants to come and propose that's the first thing that

[31:43]you have to look for look for his faith and test test

[31:45]his faith and second the hadith of Allah says look at the

[31:50]look at the manners the the level of the the way they

[31:56]deal with people how does this person react when they're angry how

[32:00]do they react when they're happy how do they react when something

[32:03]happens and their life, what is their manners?

[32:07]You know, there are some people maybe they had a bad day

[32:09]at work, he comes home and he takes it out on the

[32:13]whole family.

[32:13]There are people like that.

[32:15]Do you want do you want to be with someone like that?

[32:16]Your life is going to be miserable.

[32:19]Or maybe someone for example something didn't go the way that they

[32:25]want.

[32:24]Suddenly they snap.

[32:26]You know some people they're like a ticking time bomb.

[32:29]You don't know any second suddenly he's going to yell.

[32:32]Suddenly he's going to and this happens with men and women and

[32:38]that's something that is destructive to a relationship.

[32:39]So looking for the is very important and of course it is

[32:46]the duty of the husband to treat the wife with kindness the

[32:53]husband and it's the duty of the husband to treat the wife

[32:58]with compassion and kindness.

[32:58]Allah says in the Quran, "When you deal with them, deal with

[33:05]them with deal with them with that which is fair, that which

[33:10]is kind, that which is good.

[33:13]Don't be rough." And the hadith of Allah, he says, "A lady

[33:16]is like a flower.

[33:19]Don't treat her that don't be rough and and difficult." And this

[33:22]is this is the of a of a real man.

[33:25]a real man towards his wife is that he is kind.

[33:32]Look at he is the greatest definition and the the greatest definition

[33:38]of a real man.

[33:38]Someone who was able to achieve all of the success in this

[33:43]life and in the afterlife he would not be someone who snaps

[33:50]very easily.

[33:49]There are some people they think if I'm a man then that

[33:53]means I have to prove that I'm a man by yelling in

[33:57]the house.

[33:56]This is how they prove that they're a man.

[33:59]Or if I'm a man I have to prove it through my

[34:03]muscles for example.

[34:02]This is how I prove that I'm a man.

[34:05]No, that's not how you prove you're a man.

[34:10]He says the best out of you.

[34:16]The best out of you is the one that is the best

[34:19]towards his wife.

[34:20]The one that is the best towards his family and I am

[34:22]the best out of you towards my family.

[34:25]And look at came down threatening the wives of the prophet because

[34:33]they would collude against the prophet and they and they would they

[34:39]would plan and plot against the prophet.

[34:43]Some of them, not all of them.

[34:44]There were two.

[34:46]They would plot against and surahim came down a whole surah go

[34:52]and look it up the first few verses is threatening them a

[34:57]very threatening tone to them.

[34:58]Look, Allah had such goodl that he would not he would be

[35:05]embarrassed to do something that might seem that might throw him off

[35:08]of his but Allah subhana ta defends him from the heavens and

[35:12]Allah subhana ta warns these wives and tells them if you want

[35:16]this dunya tell the prophet he'll divorce you and you take this

[35:18]dunya but if you want the satisfaction of god and the prophet

[35:23]then you have to follow the rules of the prophet and one

[35:27]of them was that you should not leave the house after the

[35:31]prophet and we all know that one of them did leave the

[35:33]house after the prophet and she caused a war after.

[35:40]So here we see that Allah was struggling.

[35:46]Some of the wives of the prophet they were not good always

[35:49]always good with the prophet but Allah always maintained always maintained the

[35:56]perfect and the good manners and demeanor.

[36:00]So these are four points we mentioned.

[36:03]We mentioned having financial stability, having that level of chastity, having the

[36:09]fear of Allah subhana wa tala the im and having good manners

[36:16]and then after that a person is free to make decisions on

[36:20]who they want to marry.

[36:24]You want to marry for example someone that you you look for

[36:28]qualities that bring you closer to one another.

[36:31]You look for qualities that show that bring more compatibility.

[36:33]Meaning for example you both have the same level of interest.

[36:38]You both have the same level of education, learning, schooling.

[36:44]These are all things that you're allowed to you're allowed to choose

[36:49]from.

[36:50]And the more compatibility you find with your partner, the more successful

[36:56]the relationship will be.

[36:56]But of course, the greatest common denominator should be the fear of

[37:02]Allah subhana wa ta'ala and the and these other things.

[37:06]Now there are some red flags.

[37:08]I will mention two red flags and inshallah we will conclude for

[37:11]salah.

[37:12]One of the red flags, this is of course obvious for all

[37:19]of the And that is a lady and there's hadith about this.

[37:22]A lady should not think about marrying someone who drinks alcohol or

[37:29]someone who intoxicates themselves whether it's drugs or alcohol.

[37:33]Now marijuana is be becoming very prevalent.

[37:36]That's also a type of intoxicant.

[37:38]Don't think about it.

[37:42]The hadith of he says The man who gives his wife to

[37:53]a man that is a drunkard or someone who drinks.

[37:55]It's as if he's telling his wife, "Go and his his daughter,

[37:59]go and commit adultery." Basically, he's giving her the green light because

[38:04]someone who drinks, they lose their mind.

[38:07]And who knows what this person is going to do?

[38:10]Who knows what kind of a this person is going to have?

[38:11]Is this Can you rely count on this person praying for example?

[38:15]Can you count on this person taking their family to the masjid

[38:18]once a week or once a month or any of that?

[38:23]Of course not.

[38:22]Someone who has a lifestyle of drinking, this is someone that you

[38:27]could you want to stay away from.

[38:28]Even if a very nice person, as long as they do that,

[38:32]then they are breaking the boundaries of Allah subhana tala.

[38:34]And the moment the boundaries of God are broken, then that means

[38:37]your boundaries are going to be broken.

[38:38]If he doesn't respect God, you think he's going to respect you?

[38:45]Of course not.

[38:44]This is one.

[38:46]Second very important quality and we will conclude with this is and

[38:50]of course this is hard to tell at the time of you

[38:55]know if someone comes and proposes someone who's stingy someone who's bil

[39:00]someone who is his their hands are very tight.

[39:04]They don't want to give.

[39:07]You find that sometimes with some men with some husbands they don't

[39:11]want to give.

[39:11]They're they'll treat themselves.

[39:13]They'll do everything for themselves or they have the money is just

[39:18]sitting in the bank account.

[39:19]The whole family is living miserably and the money is just I'm

[39:23]waiting next year inshallah it's going to become more.

[39:26]I'm waiting for this stock to go up.

[39:28]I'm waiting for this bitcoin to go up.

[39:32]What are you waiting for?

[39:31]the of the of he says he said excuse me he says

[39:41]I'm shocked the I'm shocked at the person that is stingy heir

[39:55]these are the words of such beautiful words he says I'm shocked

[40:00]at the greedy person.

[40:02]He goes and he lives a poor life which he's running away

[40:06]from poverty but he lives a poor life and and you want

[40:16]to live you want to reach you want to be wealthy but

[40:20]you end up not living the wealthy lifestyle.

[40:22]You end up living a very poor lifestyle.

[40:25]You're seek you're running away from poverty but you're living poverty and

[40:29]you're trying to live a wealthy lifestyle but you're missing out on

[40:32]it.

[40:32]Why?

[40:33]Because you don't want to spend the money.

[40:35]Now there's a difference between someone who's being smart and calculated and

[40:41]and spends reasonably that's that's something different.

[40:43]I know some ladies are going to probably tell their husband who

[40:46]is he has a financial plan and everything is sought out but

[40:51]because for example he didn't buy her that diamond ring or something

[40:54]she'll tell him you're bil you see the say was talking about

[40:56]that no is someone who does not spend at all a husband

[41:02]who spends who provides for the family this is not a yes

[41:07]is someone that that does not give this is a very bad

[41:10]quality and this is a quality that is the hadith of The

[41:15]prophet he says is far from God, far from people and close

[41:23]to the hellfire.

[41:25]And the and the and the generous person is close to people.

[41:34]Everyone loves a person who's generous and close to God and and

[41:41]far from the hellfire because of being we ask Allah subhanahu wa

[41:45]ta'ala to help the woman find good husbands and to help the

[41:49]husbands find excuse me to help help the men who are not

[41:56]married find good woman.

[41:58]May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you all.

[42:02]Alhamdulillah.

[42:13]I believe it's adan time.

[42:23]I'm not good enough.

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