The Challenges of Parenting - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

16 المشاهدات· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
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The Challenges of Parenting - Sayed Saleh Qazwini at the Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo

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Transcript

[0:57]one of the greatest signs of the power of allah subhanahu wa

[1:04]ta'ala and the miracle of allah is that allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[1:12]created the human being with the capacity and ability to reproduce and

[1:21]this is one of the signs of allah that no one can

[1:26]deny and no one can reject no scientist atheist polytheist no one

[1:35]can reject that this is a sign from allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[1:39]where two from different genders they're able to reproduce and carry on

[1:47]the lineage of their species and you see that this is not

[1:52]something that is only with humans you see that all the creation

[1:57]of allah are created in pairs and they are able to reproduce

[2:03]and continue life this is one of the signs of allah this

[2:16]is the creation of allah then allah says and show me what

[2:19]the ones who claim otherwise what have they created what have they

[2:24]created the ones who refute and reject that this is the creation

[2:30]of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so the ability to reproduce the ability

[2:37]to continue and have an offspring this is one of the signs

[2:43]of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and this is the topic that we

[2:49]wish to discuss today last week we spoke about how to keep

[2:53]the marriage alive before that we spoke about how to get married

[2:57]today we're discussing parenting and the challenges of parenting because parenting it's

[3:06]a source of happiness for someone in this life in order to

[3:13]for having children it's a source of happiness in this life and

[3:18]in the afterlife and it could also be a source of adab

[3:23]punishment in this life and for the afterlife it all depends on

[3:28]how you deal with this responsibility this gift that allah has given

[3:34]you merit parenting having children it's not a right it's a privilege

[3:42]meaning that only some people allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives them the

[3:48]capacity and ability to have children there are some that don't have

[3:51]that so that privilege that allah has given you how are you

[3:58]going to use it it's one of the signs of allah it's

[4:01]one of the gifts that allah has given an individual and the

[4:07]hadith from rasulullah he says when the son of adam passes away

[4:19]when a human passes away this person is disconnected from this life

[4:24]except three factors three points three things that keep an attachment with

[4:30]this life the first is giving charity that is continuous charity for

[4:40]example helping build a masjid building a school building a hospital helping

[4:46]an orphanage teaching someone these are things that continue it's not just

[4:52]feeding a person a sandwich giving someone something to eat and that's

[4:55]it it dies but it's it continues this is the first our

[5:02]or teaching someone teaching someone where this person he taught someone and

[5:11]then for decades and hundreds of years later people benefit from the

[5:16]knowledge that this person left this is a type of and the

[5:20]third is having a son or a daughter that pray for this

[5:29]person after this person has passed away so therefore we see that

[5:34]parenting is a privilege it's not a right but many of us

[5:39]we take it for granted and we think that it's a right

[5:42]we think that yes i have children and we get upset if

[5:46]we don't have children and then once allah gives us children we

[5:50]don't deal with them in the correct matter we don't raise them

[5:54]in the way that allah has ordered us to raise them this

[5:59]is a trust allah entrust us with these lives how am i

[6:03]going to deal with them how am i going to raise them

[6:05]how am i going to teach them what am i going to

[6:07]give them to eat to drink what am i going to give

[6:10]them for spiritual thought for mental thought what am i going to

[6:14]give them so this is a very important point and if someone

[6:23]is able to succeed in raising proper children in raising decent children

[6:31]then this person will be successful in this life and in the

[6:35]afterlife and this is why we see when you look at the

[6:39]duas of the prophets the duas of all of the prophets they

[6:44]prayed for a few things and this is why we should look

[6:48]at what the prophets prayed for and we should have our duas

[6:52]be based off of the duas of the prophets one thing they

[6:54]prayed for is the afterlife to be saved in the afterlife but

[7:03]you see that another thing that they all prayed for or many

[7:06]of them prayed for allah points out in the quran is to

[7:09]have a progeny to have a you look at prophet ibrahim he

[7:16]asked allah to have children you look at prophet zakaria he asked

[7:20]allah to have children prophet nuh all of the they asked allah

[7:24]not only to have children but to have healthy healthy not only

[7:29]in physical body but in iman healthy children that are that are

[7:36]believers allah describes the dua of prophet ibrahim how many times does

[7:41]prophet ibrahim says what about my many times you see that ibrahim

[7:46]he always used to do dua for his for his progeny and

[7:51]this is a lesson for the parents or the to be parents

[7:55]or the ones who are not parents yet that we learn from

[8:00]prophet ibrahim to do dua ask allah ask allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[8:05]the same lord that gave you these children the same lord that

[8:09]has the capacity and the capability to give you these children ask

[8:13]him to also have their iman be healthy to have their iman

[8:18]be sound and their faith and their connection with allah subhanahu wa

[8:23]ta'ala allah describes ibrahim doing the dua he asked allah subhanahu wa

[8:39]ta'ala numerous times prophet zakaria alaihi salam in another dua of the

[8:45]prophets oh allah allow me help me thank you for the blessings

[9:03]that you have given my parents and given me and then have

[9:14]my be a good a sound a righteous progeny because you see

[9:28]that the quran focuses on this because it's a challenge and the

[9:35]greatest of prophets they were challenged with their children they were challenged

[9:41]in their parenting skills so if you think that you are having

[9:46]a difficult time parenting this is not something that just you are

[9:51]dealing with the the prophets of allah they had challenges allah describes

[9:58]prophet ibrahim there was a time where he didn't have children he

[10:03]keeps doing dua prophet zakaria same thing and then allah gave him

[10:08]a child he was tested with his children he was tested with

[10:12]his son isma'il allah gives him one of the most difficult tests

[10:18]how many of us can pass that test and then you see

[10:22]prophet nuw prophet nuw prophet yaqub these were prophets that were tested

[10:29]with children that went astray prophet yaqub his children they went and

[10:33]they took their brother and they hid him away from their father

[10:36]for forty years prophet noah he tells his son come with me

[10:42]let me guide you let me help you he tells him no

[10:45]i will go on a mountain and i will be saved so

[10:49]you see that sometimes it's the children that they are the reason

[10:55]for the test of their parents and this is why allah says

[11:00]in the quran all you people who believe do not allow your

[11:13]money your wealth and your children to distract you and derive you

[11:19]away from whoever does that then that person will lose in this

[11:29]life and in the afterlife and you see that there were many

[11:36]who were it seemed like they were going on the right path

[11:41]but because of their children they were led astray amir al mu'mineen

[11:47]he speaks about zubayr zubayr was related to rasulullah and amir al

[11:53]mu'mineen zubayr was one of the first and most pious believers in

[12:01]allah subhanahu wa ta'ala he was one of the first defenders and

[12:05]believers in rasulullah historians even say that the day that the house

[12:11]of fatima zara was attacked one of the only ones who took

[12:15]out his sword to defend amir al mu'mineen was azubayr his iman

[12:22]was so strong but then 30 later he has a son and

[12:30]his son abdullah he derives a away from the path of amir

[12:36]al mumineen he brings him away from amir al mumineen where zubayr

[12:41]this man who was one of the companions of rasulullah he and

[12:44]several other companions they go and they stand in the battle of

[12:48]jamal against the imam of their time the battle of the camel

[12:52]they go and they fight against the imam of their time this

[12:56]is why emir al mumineen he says he says zubayr was one

[13:08]of us he was one of the until abdullah was born his

[13:13]son once his son was born his son distracted him and brought

[13:17]him away from the path of amir al mumineen so parenting is

[13:24]not an easy task and it's a constant challenge it's a constant

[13:29]challenge you might see someone who's on the right path she's on

[13:31]the right path but because of their children and it's only natural

[13:37]your children our children they're the closest things to us our hearts

[13:42]are attached to them sometimes some people they see their children hurt

[13:46]their children struggling they go and they do haram in order to

[13:50]please their children or they go and they do something that brings

[13:54]them away from the path of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so it's

[13:59]a it's a challenge and it's a challenge that has repercussions in

[14:04]this life and in the afterlife and the repercussions they could be

[14:08]both sides either good or bad if you have good children if

[14:13]you have pious righteous children you will benefit from these from those

[14:18]children even after you have died even after you have left this

[14:22]life and this is a hadith from the imams from it says

[14:29]that someone there he this person he died and this person was

[14:34]not very righteous but then because of their children they did sadaqah

[14:40]they did good they prayed on behalf of their parents allah subhanahu

[14:44]wa ta'ala changes that person allah changes this person is suffering in

[14:50]their death but because of the actions of their children it changes

[14:56]and that person the suffering is lifted from that person so we

[15:01]see that it's a challenge and it has repercussions in this life

[15:05]and in the afterlife so it's a difficult challenge it's a very

[15:12]difficult challenge that we have to be very careful with and today

[15:18]we see if you read the statistics you hear about the challenges

[15:23]that many of the youth are falling in you read the news

[15:28]you hear of the drugs you hear of the crimes you hear

[15:32]of the suicide rate within the youth and it's not something it's

[15:39]not a challenge that we only hear about in outside communities recently

[15:45]we've been hearing about it in our own communities in our own

[15:48]communities you hear one young man one young girl in their teens

[15:54]they committed suicide or they went in the path of drugs or

[15:59]they were sent to prison they did something wrong they committed a

[16:03]crime the lack of morality you see that this is happening right

[16:08]now now there are many reasons for this the environment it plays

[16:13]a role in deriving our youth away from the path the friends

[16:19]they play a major role where parents and individuals they lose control

[16:27]however the biggest responsibility lies on the backs of the parents now

[16:33]you could say it's the environment it's the schools it's this and

[16:36]that but the biggest responsibility lies on the back of the parents

[16:43]your children are a gift from allah to you the way you

[16:46]deal with them allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will hold you accountable and

[16:53]the way you raise them maybe you might think right now it

[16:56]doesn't make it's not a big deal they're only you know they're

[16:59]very young it's not a very big deal how i raise them

[17:02]what i teach them maybe i don't have to tell them about

[17:05]prayer right now about fasting i don't have to bring them to

[17:08]the masjid right now yes you might think that and this is

[17:12]a thought that comes in the minds of many parents they say

[17:14]our children are too young right now but what you teach your

[17:18]children has an impact on their lives it has an impact on

[17:23]their lives in this life and in the afterlife and your children

[17:31]they are your future your children at an individual level are your

[17:36]future and at a correct at at a collective level you see

[17:43]that even if you don't have children someone says i don't have

[17:46]children right now i'm an adult right now but we all still

[17:49]have a responsibility to invest in the younger generation in the youth

[17:54]because they are our future they are the ones who are going

[17:59]to be taking control just a few years down the line they

[18:04]are the ones who are going to be representing islam and muslims

[18:07]and speaking on behalf of islam a few decades a few years

[18:12]from now they will be the ones who are representing islam if

[18:15]i don't set the footprints right for them if i don't establish

[18:19]for them right now if i don't help them right now then

[18:23]they're going to be lost they're going to be lost who's going

[18:27]to help them so we see that parenting it's a very difficult

[18:34]challenge a very difficult challenge where it's not just a challenge for

[18:41]some people they say yes parenting is very challenging because i have

[18:45]to give them clothes i have to send them to school i

[18:48]have to pay for their education i have to put a roof

[18:51]over their head this is challenging yes but this is not something

[18:54]that i'm here to speak about you are you all know about

[18:57]this this is not my job to come and speak about this

[19:01]but there is some a challenge that is more important and more

[19:05]difficult and that is raising our children raising generations that are connected

[19:12]with allah raising children that have the morality raising children that will

[19:19]be able to lead raising children that will be able to take

[19:24]care of us when we are dying when we leave this life

[19:30]you know i've mentioned this before i attended a funeral i attended

[19:35]a funeral the parent the the sons their father had died they

[19:40]did not know how to recite surah al fatahah they did not

[19:44]know how to recite surah al fatah attending the funeral they don't

[19:49]know what to say they just he just has his hand up

[19:51]he's doing this and he doesn't know how to recite surah al

[19:53]fatah now the person that i felt bad for at that moment

[20:01]is not the person who did not know how to recite the

[20:03]fatah that's the deceased person i felt bad for that person because

[20:08]he gave his children everything but he forgot to give them something

[20:12]as simple as teaching them how to pray teaching them how to

[20:16]recite the fatahah how much does it take how much effort does

[20:22]it take you see some parents they're willing to go out of

[20:24]their way they're willing to spend thousands of dollars they're willing to

[20:29]put their children in the best universities best schools the best cars

[20:33]everything but then the simplest of things they're not ready to do

[20:38]that and no one said that parenting is a easy task no

[20:44]one said it's easy we described i mentioned just a few moments

[20:48]ago that even the prophets of allah prophet ibrahim it was a

[20:52]challenge for him the other prophets of allah prophet having children and

[20:57]bringing their children to the right path was a very difficult challenge

[21:01]for them prophet the last moments of his son's life he tells

[21:04]him come with us let me save you his son rejects yes

[21:09]of course if your sons if your children are going to reject

[21:13]after you try and you try and you try then allah is

[21:16]not going to hold you accountable but the problem with us is

[21:20]that we have not tried hard enough and there are challenges today

[21:27]one of the greatest challenges that an individual faces in this society

[21:33]in this community is raising proper children raising children with iman and

[21:38]when i say children i don't mean just kids sometimes they're in

[21:42]their teens and sometimes they're adults sometimes they're adults prophet nuh who

[21:47]was in 900 or something years old he tells his son who

[21:51]was also in the hundreds of years he tells him oh my

[21:54]dear baby come with us he tells his son so when you're

[22:01]a father when you're a mother you have that responsibility no matter

[22:04]how old you are and how old your children are but today

[22:10]we see that the challenges have become much more difficult before parents

[22:19]they just worry about giving them food putting a roof over their

[22:24]head and the society the community it's a muslim society a muslim

[22:29]community how far are they going to get lost the masjid the

[22:33]neighbors the school everyone is a muslim everyone will teach them everyone

[22:36]will guide them but today the challenges are much more difficult today

[22:41]if we don't put our children and educate them at a young

[22:45]age then who do i expect to educate them the non muslim

[22:49]teacher at the school or the television or the movies or the

[22:54]internet or facebook who's going to teach my children who's going to

[22:58]educate them so it's a responsibility and the challenges are very great

[23:04]one of the greatest challenges that parents face in this society is

[23:11]a constant there's a constant competition for the children's attention starting at

[23:19]a very young age the parents who they gave they brought this

[23:24]child to life and they spend so much on this child they

[23:28]have to compete with disney channel and they have to compete with

[23:33]cartoons and they have to compete with daniel tiger and spongebob and

[23:39]all of these cartoons for their children's attention and i've seen this

[23:46]and we've seen this sometimes if you have children you see that

[23:51]at the age of two they're holding the ipad in their hand

[23:54]and the parents are talking to them and they won't even listen

[23:56]to their parents you have to compete with cartoons for the for

[24:01]your children's attention this is one second you see a hostile media

[24:09]you see that there are groups and there are organizations and there's

[24:16]companies and corporations that are dedicated they're multibillion dollars and spent invested

[24:23]in these companies for what just to capture the kids attention just

[24:31]to have the kids pay listening paying attention and watching that show

[24:36]watching that cartoon you know there are individuals there are companies that

[24:40]spend billions of dollars just to get your kids attention and for

[24:45]some of us the kids are in the house but we ignore

[24:48]them the kids they yearn for their parents' attention but sometimes you

[24:53]see that the parents they neglect their children of course it's not

[24:58]on purpose no parent neglects their children on purpose but we do

[25:04]that when we're busy with work when we're busy with our tablets

[25:08]when we're busy with our phones when we're busy with school when

[25:11]we're busy with life and paying the mortgage and paying the bills

[25:16]we start to forget what's important in life we start to forget

[25:19]the closest people to us and as a result you see children

[25:25]at a young age they're still attached to their parents because they

[25:29]don't have anyone else but as soon as they become exposed in

[25:33]the school once they get older once others friends peer pressure others

[25:38]start talking to them you see that now it switches it goes

[25:43]the other way around at a young age the child is begging

[25:46]for their parents' attention you know sometimes the kids baba baba baba

[25:51]baba baba they keep saying that and the parents they're in a

[25:54]different place but then you see that once they get older now

[26:01]it goes the other way around the father the mother they come

[26:05]and they tell their son oh my son oh my daughter oh

[26:07]my son oh my daughter where are you and they don't answer

[26:11]their phone they block their parents they don't talk to their parents

[26:15]some of them move away they don't want to be around their

[26:17]parents it goes it it switches and then once there's no relationship

[26:25]between the parents the ones who care for the children the most

[26:28]and the children then you will see society begins falling apart you

[26:33]see that the children or the youth or the adolescents they start

[26:40]falling away from the path of their parents and as a result

[26:45]you see the drugs sometimes sometimes you see inappropriate behavior you see

[26:50]the morality it's going away because the parents are not there the

[26:55]parents are not there to teach their children to teach their family

[26:58]to teach their kids so what's the solution the first solution my

[27:05]dear brothers and sisters is that every single parent must spend more

[27:13]quality time with their children and with their family and a hadith

[27:17]from rasulullah have mentioned this before for someone to spend quality time

[27:30]with their family this is better than in the masjid of rasulullah

[27:34]means three days of consecutive fasting and worship and not leaving the

[27:43]masjid three days staying in the masjid and then rasulullah he adds

[27:46]he says in the masjid of rasulullah where prayers worth much more

[27:50]than any other masjid he says if one of you just spend

[27:54]an hour with your family quality time this is better than in

[28:00]the masjid of rasulullah all it takes is one decision putting the

[28:07]tablet away putting the phone away putting distractions away and spending quality

[28:13]time with the family talking to them talking to them about things

[28:18]that matter and today today especially with what's going on against islam

[28:26]against muslims we have to sit and talk to our children we

[28:30]have to sit and talk to our families because as soon as

[28:35]they turn on the tv as soon as they go to school

[28:37]wherever they go they hear that their religion their culture their teachings

[28:43]their prophet their quran is being attacked if i don't sit and

[28:46]talk to my family if i don't talk to my children then

[28:49]who's going to teach them about their faith who's going to educate

[28:53]them who's going to be there for them so we have to

[28:57]my dear brothers and sisters i've seen some communities i go to

[29:03]i see some parents they come and they're crying to me sayyid

[29:07]please talk to my daughter talk to my son they're not listening

[29:11]to me anymore they're gone they don't come to the masjid yes

[29:17]it's too late right now because rasulullah and the religion of islam

[29:23]teaches us to care for our children at a young age don't

[29:29]wait until it's too late and with children you have a window

[29:33]of opportunity if you don't teach them if you don't spend quality

[29:37]time with them if you don't talk to them and you don't

[29:41]listen to them they're going to find someone else to listen to

[29:44]them they're going to find someone else to teach them studies show

[29:50]that children up to the age of five up to the age

[29:56]of five ninety percent of what they've learned they've learned it by

[30:01]the time they're at the age of five so where are the

[30:06]children up to the age of five who's spending time with them

[30:10]for many parents and sometimes you don't blame them you know they

[30:14]have to work but you see that they're at a daycare they're

[30:18]at schools here and there where up to up to the from

[30:23]the time they're born up to the age of five they don't

[30:26]even spend time with their parents only on the weekends here and

[30:30]there dinner time that's the that is the time that they spend

[30:34]with their parents there's a hadith from from he says that divide

[30:49]the the age or the raising and the upbringing of your children

[30:57]into the first seven years another seven and another seven so twenty

[31:03]one years he says the first seven years let them play the

[31:09]first seven years let them play there's no responsibility of course that

[31:13]doesn't mean that you don't teach them and you don't guide them

[31:16]no you do guide them but don't be very strict and then

[31:21]he says the second seven years discipline them teach them be firm

[31:27]teach them and then the third seven years befriend them that's the

[31:32]time that you trust them that's the time that if you have

[31:36]disciplined them correctly then you will be you will have that third

[31:42]seven years you will be free it won't be a time of

[31:45]headache but you see that many right now many parents that third

[31:49]seven years as soon as their children have become adolescents they're 14

[31:54]and up that's the time that they have the most headache with

[31:57]them and that's the time that they can't deal with them why

[32:01]because the second step the second step of the process was not

[32:06]dealt with correctly so the religion of islam instructs us to care

[32:13]for our families to provide for them to give them but also

[32:19]we have to provide for them when it comes to spirituality oh

[32:31]you people who believe strengthen yourselves and your families from the fire

[32:39]protect your families as well don't go to heaven alone go to

[32:43]heaven with your families this is first spending quality time with your

[32:50]family and spending quality time it means teaching them about religion teaching

[32:54]them about faith talking to them befriending them being there for them

[32:59]in times of need this all falls under that category the second

[33:06]the second very important responsibility that the children and when it comes

[33:14]to parents they should allow their children to do is that the

[33:19]parents should allow their children to make decisions and this is a

[33:24]very important point i'm not talking about when they're very young no

[33:28]that time the parents they make decisions for their children but you

[33:33]see many times the children have grown older and the parents they're

[33:37]still forcing them and they're pressuring them to do everything in life

[33:42]now this is parenting and some parents say i'm very worried about

[33:47]my children i'm very worried about them so i'm going to make

[33:50]every single decision for them in life but that's not the case

[33:55]every single person they should be allowed once they reach that age

[33:59]where they are able to make decisions once they reach that age

[34:04]let them make certain decisions in life and especially when it comes

[34:10]to faith especially when it comes to faith i've seen many who

[34:14]have turned against faith altogether because it was forced down upon them

[34:20]it was forced upon them now there's a difference with encouragement with

[34:26]teaching with having the children come to that decision or forcing it

[34:33]upon them there's a very big difference for example when it comes

[34:37]to teaching them about religion you see that even the quran speaks

[34:43]about this you know why this verse came down it came down

[34:51]historians say that after rasulullah migrated to medina he saw some of

[34:58]the ansar and medina who had just converted to the religion of

[35:02]islam so these men and families who had just converted to the

[35:07]religion of islam they came and they told rasulullah that before you

[35:12]migrated before the religion of islam we used to have our children

[35:17]be disciplined and taught by the jews because it was either the

[35:21]jews or the polytheists and they said we had our children be

[35:27]disciplined by the jews so some of our children they became jewish

[35:33]some of our children they changed and they became jewish and they

[35:38]started living that lifestyle so now now that we have been introduced

[35:44]to the religion of islam can we force our children back to

[35:48]the religion of islam this verse came down there's no compulsion in

[35:57]religion truth and righteousness is very clear from falsehood all you have

[36:04]to do is show them the way of course this doesn't mean

[36:07]that i shouldn't do anything and i shouldn't bother no that's not

[36:12]the case don't force them to to change their religion however that

[36:18]doesn't mean that you shouldn't try you shouldn't strive you shouldn't you

[36:23]shouldn't strive to bring them and teach them the way falsehood is

[36:34]very clear from righteousness now scholars say that this verse there's no

[36:41]compulsion in religion it could have two meanings one of two meanings

[36:45]the first is don't force religion upon anyone it's an order do

[36:51]not force religion upon anyone the second meaning is you cannot force

[36:56]religion upon anyone even if you tried you will not be able

[37:00]to force anyone to change their religion because religion is in the

[37:04]heart just like loving and hating it's in the heart you cannot

[37:08]force anyone to love or hate likewise you cannot force anyone to

[37:12]believe in anything so when it comes to faith allah says do

[37:17]not force faith upon your children of course that doesn't mean that

[37:23]you shouldn't try you shouldn't strive now what about other matters today

[37:28]you see there are some youth some of them are a little

[37:33]bit older they come and they say my parents they force me

[37:37]to do everything from the clothes that i wear to the career

[37:42]that i choose to the school that i go to to everything

[37:46]they are forcing it upon me and some even the person that

[37:50]they marry even the person that they're going to marry it's chosen

[37:56]by their mother or their grandmother now allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gave

[38:04]us all the ability to choose the job of the parent is

[38:09]to guide the job of the parent is to admonish it's to

[38:13]help it's to be there for you but not to choose everything

[38:18]because who's the whose life is this is it the life of

[38:21]the parents or the life of the younger ones they cannot choose

[38:24]yes they should guide when it comes to marriage guide them show

[38:28]them the way give them advice when it comes to clothing give

[38:32]them advice guide them be there for them and of course if

[38:38]the children the adolescents are doing something haram they're doing something wrong

[38:43]then here it becomes the religious obligation it becomes upon the parents

[38:49]to guide and to and to enforce at times but here we're

[38:54]talking about some of the issues that are not very critical choosing

[38:58]a career why should the parents choose the career of their children

[39:04]or when it comes to marriage i met a man this man

[39:07]was in his thirties and then now he's probably in his forties

[39:12]he didn't get married he didn't get married why because he was

[39:16]living with his mother and his mother had no one else and

[39:20]then once he did get married a few years later or a

[39:24]few months later his mother ended up ruining his marriage because everything

[39:29]that he wanted to do it's either her or the wife making

[39:34]her choose make making him choose either she tells him either me

[39:38]or your wife eventually he had to divorce his wife he couldn't

[39:42]live he couldn't live and he couldn't have a sound successful marriage

[39:49]now if a parent really cares for their children they would not

[39:53]put their children in that position and likewise if a spouse cares

[39:59]for their spouse they wouldn't put their they wouldn't put the spouse

[40:02]in a position to choose between one or the other and the

[40:07]parents should not do that the parents should not choose allow them

[40:14]to make decisions allow them to make certain decisions with the guidance

[40:20]and the third point is that the parents have to be role

[40:25]models and sometimes someone could speak for hours it doesn't mean anything

[40:33]but action acting and doing something in front of your children this

[40:39]speed this is it carries much more weight it carries much more

[40:46]weight especially with children especially with children at a young age you

[40:51]see that they mimic everything their parents do you know even the

[40:55]way that the parents walk you see sometimes children they walk just

[40:59]like their parents she walks just like her mother boy walks just

[41:03]like his father the way they walk the way they dress the

[41:06]way they laugh they mimic everything that the parents do so this

[41:12]is why it's a challenge this is why you have to be

[41:16]very careful because they're constantly watching you they're constantly watching you of

[41:21]course that's when they're not watching cartoons and occupied with other things

[41:24]they're watching the parents so we have to be very careful you

[41:30]know you could tell your child don't lie lying is wrong lying

[41:36]is forbidden lying is immoral a million times but the moment the

[41:41]child catches the parents lying the child is going to think it's

[41:47]okay to lie it's okay to lie because the parents who are

[41:52]the role models they are the ones who lied or if a

[41:56]child sees that their parents are not praying the child will say

[42:00]why should i pray their mother or their father they're not practicing

[42:04]the laws of modesty they're not following the the laws of islam

[42:08]they're going to say why should i do it why should i

[42:11]do it because they mimic everything that their parents do so this

[42:18]is why we have to be very careful and sometimes you see

[42:22]that if when the parents are praying the children they come and

[42:27]they pray right next to them even when they're very young maybe

[42:30]they they're playing but this teaches them this teaches them that this

[42:34]is important this is how the parents teach them what's prioritized in

[42:39]life you look at fatima zahra alaihi salam imam al hassan alaihi

[42:45]salam he says that my mother fatima zahra in the middle of

[42:49]the night in the midnight prayer she used to pray she used

[42:57]to get up and pray and she used to pray for the

[43:00]neighbors i hear her praying for this person and that person and

[43:03]that person imagine imagine someone praying for their neighbors something that we

[43:10]don't see today this is what the used to do she used

[43:15]to pray for her neighbors and then imam al hassan he comes

[43:20]and he asks her he tells her oh my mother i saw

[43:23]that you prayed for the neighbors but then you didn't pray for

[43:27]the family she tells him oh my dear son we pray for

[43:35]the neighbors and then we pray for the house and then we

[43:38]pray for the ones who are in the house just through that

[43:43]action it carries so much weight and you see that the actions

[43:49]of the parents through the actions they're able to teach their children

[43:55]you know sometimes parents they tell their children don't use foul language

[44:02]and then they end up using the foul language the children are

[44:06]going to think that that is okay and they are and that

[44:11]they could do this they could do these things and these are

[44:15]things that we do every day you know sometimes delaying our prayer

[44:19]praying at the end of the time rather than as soon as

[44:22]the athan some of us we choose to pray at the end

[44:26]five minutes ten minutes before time is up we go and we

[44:31]pray this is going to it's going to be implanted in them

[44:37]that it's okay to pray late it's okay to do all of

[44:41]these wrong things the fighting the violence the conflict these are all

[44:47]things that children learn at a young age it doesn't have sometimes

[44:51]it's not the you're you're not raising your children in that way

[44:56]sometimes it's parents they're fighting with one another the husband and the

[44:59]wife they're fighting with one another but the child he has front

[45:04]row seats to a boxing match to a fighting match where he

[45:09]could see everything and he doesn't need to go and watch wwe

[45:13]or i don't know this wrestlemania he comes and he just watches

[45:16]his parents he watches his parents and he learns and sometimes the

[45:25]fighting it's verbal and sometimes it turns into physical and then you

[45:33]see this is taught and the child will go and do the

[45:38]same thing they say there was a kid he went to he

[45:42]went to school with wearing one pair of shoe wearing one shoe

[45:47]so his teacher asked him why are you wearing one shoe he

[45:51]said my parents were fighting he said the teacher told him okay

[45:56]then why are you wearing one shoe he said they started throwing

[45:58]things at one another so i started giving them things to throw

[46:01]and probably this kid was from iraq because we iraqis we like

[46:06]to throw our shoes when we get angry so we see that

[46:17]upbringing and raising children it's not an easy task it's a very

[46:24]difficult task that even the prophets of allah they had to deal

[46:28]with the prophets of allah they had to deal with this challenge

[46:33]so if you are going through a challenge here and there this

[46:36]shouldn't be a reason for you to give up we have to

[46:41]our greatest investment in life is our family and your children because

[46:46]they're the only ones that are going to be staying behind you

[46:48]they're the ones who are going to bury you they're the ones

[46:51]who you're going to expect to pray they're the ones who you're

[46:55]going to expect to go to hajj on your behalf to go

[46:58]read to recite quran on your behalf these are your children if

[47:04]my if your children are not going to recite quran after you

[47:08]die if our children are not going to recite quran for us

[47:11]who like our coworkers or the friends no they're not going to

[47:16]remember us if you my children will not remember me then that

[47:19]means i'm forgotten and this is why we see the prophets of

[47:24]allah they insisted and they kept doing dua to have sound healthy

[47:30]children rasulullah would do this dua amir al mumineen would do this

[47:34]dua all of the prophets of allah they did this dua and

[47:38]we learn lessons from them and some they went through challenges as

[47:43]a result because of their children imam al hussein he saw his

[47:48]children sacrificed one after the other right in front of his eyes

[47:52]but this was the upbringing this was the upbringing he raised them

[47:57]to stand for their principles and one of the honorable woman who

[48:04]raised her children in the best way was al baneen one of

[48:09]the brothers asked me to recite a majlis for al baneen and

[48:16]it fits into the subject al baneen after the martyrdom of fatima

[48:22]al zahra alaihi salam amir al mu'mineen he married al baneen fatima

[48:29]al kalabiyah he asked aqeel to find him a lady who is

[48:37]brave who is known for her bravery and from a brave family

[48:42]so aqeel he goes his brother he goes and he finds him

[48:46]on their wedding night he saw he saw that she was very

[48:55]beautiful he saw her beauty but he wanted to test her heart

[49:02]he wanted to test the beauty that's inside because that is the

[49:06]more that is the beauty that is more important so he asked

[49:11]her he tells her what do you need what is one thing

[49:18]that i can give you this is your wedding night she tells

[49:22]him oh emir al mu'mineen i want you to not call me

[49:26]by my name her name is fatima so she says i want

[49:32]you to not call me by my name he tells her why

[49:35]what's wrong with your name she tells him when you call me

[49:39]by my name hassan and hussein and zainab and kulthum they're going

[49:44]to remember their mother fatima and this is going to break their

[49:48]hearts they're going to think that i have taken the place of

[49:51]their mother fatima but no oh i the servant of fatima and

[49:57]the children of fatima and this is how she was this is

[50:01]how she was she raised she raised the children of fatima to

[50:07]zahra after the death of their mother and allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[50:11]gave her four sons he gave her four sons but she would

[50:16]always favor the children of fatima over her own children when imam

[50:22]al hassan and imam al hussein were sick she used to take

[50:25]her sons and she used to walk around imam al hassan and

[50:29]imam al hussein and she says oh allah if anything is supposed

[50:34]to happen to hassan and hussain let it fall upon my children

[50:38]because these are the children of fatima these are the children of

[50:42]rasulullah this is how she was until the day of ashura four

[50:49]of her sons were killed in the way of allah four of

[50:53]her sons they died they were killed defending imam al hussain alaihi

[50:58]salaam then the news came to her that her sons were killed

[51:07]that did not move her but when she heard that imam al

[51:11]hussain was killed that was what shook her historians say she went

[51:16]in the baqiyah and she made five mock graves she would make

[51:22]these graves four to represent her sons and one to represent the

[51:27]grave of imam al hussein she would sit and she would cry

[51:31]over these graves and then she would move she would remove the

[51:37]four graves and she would sit and cry over the grave of

[51:41]imam al hussain the symbolic grave of imam al hussain and she

[51:48]used to say even marwan marwan ibn al hakam he used to

[51:52]walk by her and he used to see her in bakiya crying

[51:56]he's crying for the sons that she lost he used to hear

[52:00]her reciting this and then he used to cry she used to

[52:04]cry she used to cry when she remembers her children when she

[52:40]remembers those sons that went to karbala and never came back

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التالي

The Challenges of Parenting - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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التالي

The Challenges of Parenting - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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استكشاف المزيد

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