How To Keep Marriage Alive - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

24 المشاهدات· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
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How To Keep Marriage Alive at the Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo

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[0:57]one of the greatest threats that society faces which is a very

[1:09]destructive threat that destructs the fabric of society and communities and could

[1:20]potentially destroy countries and communities is not necessarily the threat of bombs

[1:28]and wars and fighting violence but it could be the threat of

[1:38]deteriorating families when families fall apart you see communities begin to fall

[1:46]apart when the families are not held together you will see that

[1:53]societies and the community as a whole will not be held together

[1:57]and eventually begins to fall apart so we see that there is

[2:06]a great threat that is very imminent and we see that it

[2:13]is taking place in our communities in our societies today and that

[2:17]is the threat of families falling apart families being led to destruction

[2:25]because when a family when a couple when a marriage does not

[2:29]work out it's not just the husband and the wife the whole

[2:34]community gets involved their children get involved and so many people get

[2:40]involved because when a husband and a wife get married they have

[2:45]children now most of the cases they have children they have a

[2:48]family who is the family going to look up to and then

[2:53]you will see that this results in a danger to all of

[2:57]society everyone is affected because of this and there are numerous reasons

[3:06]that families fall apart and this is something that also affects muslims

[3:13]before probably muslims used to say divorce and families falling apart this

[3:19]is something that has nothing to do with islam and muslims however

[3:23]today you see that in many muslim communities within the mosques and

[3:28]people that we know we see that there is a rising divorce

[3:32]rate and in fact there are some studies that show that the

[3:37]muslim divorce rate is at thirty one percent thirty one percent of

[3:42]marriages within a year or so they end up ending in a

[3:47]divorce and this is amongst the muslims and it is one of

[3:51]the highest groups if you compare them with other groups other religions

[3:57]you will find that the groups of the muslims they are on

[4:00]one of the top on top of the list even though we

[4:05]see that the religion of islam speaks of the family and the

[4:09]institution of the family as one of the holiest institutions in the

[4:13]religion of islam and one of the holiest institutions to be built

[4:17]in the religion of islam is the institution of family and marriage

[4:25]so what are the reasons why families fall apart there are several

[4:32]reasons last week we spoke about the prerequisites of marriage what one

[4:37]has to do in order to get married and this is perhaps

[4:40]one of the first problems and first mistakes in getting into getting

[4:47]into a marriage it's not the marriage itself it's starting in starting

[4:52]the marriage starting off on the wrong foot and this is one

[4:57]of the main reasons why there's divorce because starting the marriage they

[5:03]did not start off the marriage correctly however today i want to

[5:07]discuss how to maintain and sustain the marriage and how to keep

[5:17]the marriage alive know right now obama's talking about how to make

[5:22]america great again we need to learn how to make our families

[5:25]great again we need to make learn how to make did i

[5:30]say trump donald trump obama's history now we have to forget about

[5:35]him donald trump or i should say president donald trump is speaking

[5:40]about making making america great again we have to learn how to

[5:46]make our families great this is how society as a whole could

[5:51]become great one of the most important reasons why family the families

[6:00]begin to fall apart and deteriorate is because many people go into

[6:06]a family go into a marriage not knowing what their responsibilities and

[6:12]rights are how many people know what the husband's rights are and

[6:18]what the wife's rights are going into a marriage you see when

[6:22]it comes to planning a wedding we plan everything you see people

[6:27]they talk about the roses and the shoes and the bridesmaids and

[6:31]the dates and so many things planning the event but not knowing

[6:37]what their religious responsibility is what allah expects from them and we

[6:41]spoke last year last week that when when we when you go

[6:46]into a marriage marriage has three parties there's the groom there's the

[6:52]wife and the third party is allah who's bringing them together who's

[6:57]making this union a halal union and given that allah is involved

[7:02]and allah is bringing the two together because allah is involved because

[7:15]allah is making this a legitimate relationship allah has set some rules

[7:20]but you see many people go into a marriage not knowing what

[7:25]their rights are what their responsibilities are and when we don't know

[7:29]our own rights our rights are going to be taken from us

[7:34]when we don't know our responsibilities we will not fulfill our religious

[7:38]responsibilities towards people towards our spouses towards our community this is why

[7:45]we have to know our responsibilities there's a haqq there's haqq al

[7:50]muqman al muqman every believer i have a responsibility towards that believer

[7:56]what are my responsibilities towards the believer many of us don't know

[7:59]what are my responsibilities towards my parents many of us don't know

[8:03]what are my responsibilities towards my siblings and family there are responsibilities

[8:09]and then there are also responsibilities when it comes to a marriage

[8:15]a husband and his wife family there are responsibilities and we take

[8:20]these from the quran and from rasulullah and from the ahlul bayt

[8:27]who rasulullah was the best role model the best role model in

[8:32]anything when it comes to family yes rasulallah was the best role

[8:43]model when it came to family rasulullah was not only a prophet

[8:47]of allah who was bringing people religion he was not only a

[8:52]head of state where he ruled people rasulullah was also a role

[8:58]model when it came to the family he stands in front of

[9:01]the muslims and he tells them the best out of you is

[9:11]the one who is the best he doesn't say the the best

[9:14]out of you is the one who prays the most fast the

[9:17]most goes to hajj the most he says the best out of

[9:20]you is the one who is the best towards his family and

[9:24]then he tells them and i am the best towards my family

[9:29]the wives of rasulullah they explain and they describe the akhlaq of

[9:34]rasulullah he used to help out in the house one of his

[9:39]wives she says that rasulullah he used to he used to clean

[9:43]the house when he's in the house he used to take that

[9:48]responsibility there are some people as long as i am i have

[9:52]this job then that means even when i go in the house

[9:55]i have to take that job with me no rasulullah when he

[9:58]was in the home his priority was his family that's what your

[10:03]priority is in the house outside you have other responsibilities other duties

[10:08]but when you're at home you have to know what your priorities

[10:11]are look at rasulullah his wife says he used to clean the

[10:16]house and he used to cut up the meat that means he

[10:20]used to even help her when it came to cooking when it

[10:23]came to providing for the family and helping out in the family

[10:30]so we have to look at rasulullah as a role model we

[10:33]have to look at the religion of islam as a role model

[10:36]why because the religion of islam is the most just system on

[10:42]earth if you accept the system of the religion of islam you

[10:48]will see that it is the most holistic if you look at

[10:51]it as a whole you will see that it is the most

[10:54]just system that does not oppress rasulullah was not an oppressor the

[11:01]religion of islam allah subhanahu wa ta'ala don't we believe in our

[11:05]usool adeen one of our usool is the adalah of allah the

[11:09]justice of allah that means that every law of allah every rule

[11:13]of allah is a rule that is just yes maybe personally i

[11:19]might not like one perspective of it one thing one aspect of

[11:22]it but as a whole you will see that it is a

[11:26]just system that is fit for everyone today different groups different political

[11:33]parties they come and they say we have this system yes for

[11:37]example one system it may give rights to certain individuals but it

[11:42]takes away the rights of others but you see islam it came

[11:46]and it tried to satisfy everyone it satisfies everyone and this is

[11:54]the system of allah being that the religion of islam is a

[12:00]just system marriage is built as a structure as a foundation like

[12:07]this government a government there are certain responsibilities and certain duties to

[12:14]every single individual and functioning component of a government the family is

[12:20]also the same the family according to the hadith it is treated

[12:24]as a as a building given that it's a building a structure

[12:37]different individuals within the family have different obligations and different rights and

[12:45]different responsibilities this is why the religion of islam has set certain

[12:51]responsibilities for every single individual when it comes to the family and

[12:56]this is the way a family functions just like you see it

[12:59]today in government how many presidents does the united states does the

[13:04]united states have has one president one president leaves another one comes

[13:11]the family has to have one leader but that does not mean

[13:16]that the leader is a leader in everything no rasulullah the day

[13:24]amir al mu'mineen and fatima tzarah got married rasulullah he tells fatima

[13:29]tzarah alaihis salam and amir al mu'mineen he tells amir al mu'mineen

[13:33]at that time in that society given those circumstances he tells amir

[13:37]al mutmanin your responsibilities are outside the house and he tells fatima

[13:42]your responsibilities are inside the house from the door and inside and

[13:47]ali ibn abi talib from the door and outside now that was

[13:49]that time of course responsibilities change as time changes but we have

[13:56]to see what is the overall responsibility that the religion of islam

[14:01]has set or the way that the religion of islam has set

[14:06]there are rights and responsibilities and duties for every single member yes

[14:12]the female she is the head of the house when it comes

[14:15]to certain things and the man he has certain obligations and he

[14:20]has certain duties and he must be respected when it comes to

[14:23]certain things this is how a family is going to function if

[14:27]everyone wants to be the boss if everyone wants to be president

[14:31]you're not going to have a functioning government you're not going to

[14:33]have a functioning company organization and same with family same with family

[14:39]there are certain duties that are delegated to certain individuals given the

[14:46]role and their circumstances within the family so we see that the

[14:55]husband and the wife they both have religious responsibilities and duties that

[15:01]they must fulfill in order for a marriage to be sustained in

[15:06]order for a marriage to carry on to survive because yes movies

[15:13]hollywood they come and they tell you love at first sight and

[15:16]you fall in love and you're going to be you're going to

[15:19]be so attached with this person for the rest of your life

[15:22]this is not true yes you may fall in love with someone

[15:27]for a few weeks for a few years but eventually that love

[15:32]fades but it is the faith in one another and it is

[15:36]the responsibilities in one another and it is the faith in allah

[15:40]that drives you to fulfill your responsibilities to your spouse that will

[15:45]keep the marriage alive and keep the marriage sustained you know they

[15:49]say there was a lady when she first got married before she

[15:54]before she got married she put on her phone the name of

[15:57]her husband habibi then a few years later she changed it to

[16:06]bey i don't know what they call them now then later on

[16:09]she put his name my love my darling and then a few

[16:14]years later put hitler this is how it changes slowly slowly the

[16:21]way you see another person starts to change one fight one argument

[16:26]it makes you hate one person this is why the marriage has

[16:31]to be built on a strong foundation just like a house just

[16:36]like anything it needs a strong foundation if it doesn't have a

[16:39]strong foundation it won't last and the foundation is the belief in

[16:44]allah and obeying the laws of allah which teach us how to

[16:50]deal with one another when it comes to the duties of the

[16:55]husband towards his wife the rights of the wife scholars have pointed

[17:00]out certain rights that the wife has and obligations of the husband

[17:08]towards the wife the the the and the it means the duty

[17:19]of the husband to provide for his wife she may be a

[17:23]millionaire she may be working and she may be making so much

[17:27]money her parents are very wealthy it is the duty of the

[17:32]husband to provide for his wife now if she wants to pitch

[17:34]in there's nothing wrong with that but it is the religious duty

[17:39]of the husband to provide for his wife even if she has

[17:41]money she is not required to spend on the family this is

[17:46]something allah that allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has set for the marriage

[17:51]now if she wants to give there's nothing wrong with that a

[17:54]place to live this is the duty of the husband clothing the

[18:01]husband has to provide that for his wife and feeding and providing

[18:09]food and this is allah says this in the quran men they

[18:18]have that leadership position why it's not leadership that means they're favored

[18:23]by allah subhanahu wa ta'ala no allah is just and allah views

[18:28]both genders equally however the verse continues the verse it clarifies it

[18:45]goes back to the amwal it goes back to the husband it

[18:50]is his responsibility to do infaq to give to provide for the

[18:56]family therefore he has that leadership he has that leadership when it

[19:01]comes to financial protection when it comes to clothing when it comes

[19:05]to housing when it comes to feeding that is the type of

[19:09]protection and authority that the husband has he doesn't have authority to

[19:15]do whatever he wants with his wife that is the authority that

[19:18]he's been given and when you're giving when you're given a a

[19:22]position that means you're also given a responsibility and the moment you

[19:27]break from that responsibility then you will also lose your status you

[19:32]know many times we hear the word nauseous nauseous means it's usually

[19:38]used against women to say that a woman who is not fulfilling

[19:42]her duties towards her husband now scholars say that even a husband

[19:48]can become nauseous it's not something that only it's only with the

[19:53]wife even a husband can become nauseous when when the husband does

[19:58]not fulfill his religious duties towards his wife and these are certain

[20:03]elements these are certain things if they are not fulfilled then the

[20:07]husband could become nauseous and a wife she could go to the

[20:11]court she could go to islamic court and tell the judge the

[20:16]muslim judge that my husband for example he's not providing my nafaqah

[20:21]for me he's not providing a place to eat something to eat

[20:26]he's not providing that and the religious judge could after of course

[20:33]divorce is not very easy because islam wants to try to preserve

[20:37]the family but after the judge sees that yes he is not

[20:41]providing then the husband is considered nashes and the religious judge he

[20:49]could divorce he could do a divorce so nushuz it's not something

[20:56]that is only with women no anyone could be nushuz the husband

[21:01]and the wife another responsibility that the husband has towards the wife

[21:10]is although usually we don't discuss this it's not discussed usually when

[21:20]talking about the physical pleasurable desire usually it's talked about the desire

[21:26]of the husband and the duties and the responsibilities of the wife

[21:30]towards her husband but scholars say that even the wife and the

[21:35]the husband he has that same equivalent responsibility towards his wife and

[21:46]these are two different two different two different rights haqqal mabeet is

[21:54]scholars say depending on the depending haqqal farash depending on the need

[22:01]because what is marriage marriage it's a system to provide for the

[22:06]needs of every single individual within the family to bring sukkoon to

[22:13]bring sukkoon so that you may find sukoon so if someone has

[22:23]a need the other partner has to provide and if a wife

[22:28]has a need the husband has to provide that so spending night

[22:36]and sharing a bed with the wife this is a religious responsibility

[22:44]this is these are two and three and then there's the fourth

[22:50]and this is an order by allah in the quran allah says

[22:56]in the quran deal with your wives treat them treat your wife

[23:12]as a wife there are some some cultures that teach and teach

[23:19]the man to treat his wife not like a wife not like

[23:23]an equivalent partner but as a second class citizen in the house

[23:28]as he is the master and she is the slave no this

[23:33]is not the way the quran speaks the quran says you have

[23:39]to treat them with equality you have to treat them with respect

[23:43]with love with compassion with good akhlaq just like you have needs

[23:49]your wife also has needs just like you have emotions your wife

[23:53]also has emotions just like you feel that you need to be

[23:57]taken care of she also needs to be taken care of and

[24:07]there are numerous narrations that speak about the akhlaq the attitude of

[24:13]a husband towards his wife if he has shortcomings with regards to

[24:20]the akhlaq and the morality and the character towards his wife towards

[24:24]his partner allah will punish this person it is narrated that one

[24:31]of the companions of rasulallah this companion by the name of sa'ad

[24:36]ibn ma'ad some of you have heard of his name he's a

[24:39]notable companion one of the one of the most important companions of

[24:43]rasulallah sa'ad ibn ma'ad he went out in one of the battles

[24:50]he was injured and then he came they brought him they carried

[24:53]him and then he died in medina rasulullah participated in his funeral

[25:00]rasulullah was walking it is narrated that rasulullah was seen walking in

[25:06]a way and in a way on his tiptoes and then rasulullah

[25:11]told the muslims there are 70,000 angels participating in sa'ad ibn ma'ad's

[25:17]funeral historians say they asked rasulullah why historians say because he used

[25:25]to recite surah he used to recite it all the time this

[25:30]is one of the one of the effects because each verse in

[25:34]the quran the quran you recite something and allah gives you something

[25:38]in return however once rasulullah buried him rasulullah he led the prayers

[25:47]his mother she came and she stood over the grave and she

[25:49]says oh saad congratulations you're going straight to paradise rasulullah he looked

[25:58]at her and he tells her he tells her o mother of

[26:11]saad don't give out paradise on behalf of allah because the grave

[26:16]has hid him the grave has squeezed him a way where his

[26:20]ribs they came together narration say that he has bad akhlaq towards

[26:27]his family towards the closest people to him there are some of

[26:31]us we're smiling with everyone but then as soon as you go

[26:35]in the house you see that this person changes a 180 degrees

[26:40]as soon as the door is closed with the closest people to

[26:43]them with the ones that you're supposed to love the most with

[26:46]the ones that you're supposed to respect the most you see that

[26:50]the attitude changes and this person becomes saddam in the house he

[26:55]becomes a tyrant a taghut where everyone is afraid of the dad

[26:59]sometimes it's the dad of course and other times it's the mom

[27:02]but we have to be very careful with our attitude with our

[27:07]akhlaq and this is one of the rights deal with them with

[27:14]means that you always have to be just you always have to

[27:19]deal with them with equality if you want to go on a

[27:22]vacation if you want to travel if you want to enjoy your

[27:25]time also think of your partner think of the one that you

[27:28]love think of the one that you care about you want to

[27:31]go and eat a good meal you have a partner as well

[27:34]you're living together so this is what is and this is the

[27:42]respect that allah has given the female where she is treated as

[27:48]an equal partner in the relationship and this is how she should

[27:52]be treated and then there's also rights and responsibilities of the wife

[27:58]towards her husband of course we spoke earlier that given that the

[28:06]marriage is an institution there's a head of the institution each organization

[28:12]each government has one leader has one president has one ceo the

[28:18]husband he is given that status not because he is better than

[28:22]the wife not because he is better and he is favored no

[28:27]but because of his responsibilities because of his duties because of that

[28:32]in order for the family to function the husband has to be

[28:37]given that role so this is one of the roles that the

[28:42]husband is given and then another right that the husband has just

[28:48]like we spoke about the right of that the wife has is

[28:51]the right of intimacy the right of intimacy this is one of

[28:57]the rights of the husband in a marriage and the wife also

[29:01]has that but because there's a we see that there's a greater

[29:05]focus on this because this is what most men typically think about

[29:09]most of the time you want to do a salawat for this

[29:14]it's up to you allah this is something that typically men focus

[29:27]on allah subhanahu wa ta'ala points this out but that doesn't mean

[29:32]that that the wife does not have that right as well that

[29:38]need as well and of course some people some men think that

[29:43]they could whenever they want to fulfill that need to fulfill the

[29:48]right of intimacy they could have that access whenever they want well

[29:52]no there are exceptions there are exceptions to every single rule for

[29:57]example she is sick she's fasting she is doing something to satisfy

[30:03]allah she's in an act of wajib then that right cannot be

[30:08]achieved so there are exceptions to every single rule and of course

[30:17]allah subhanahu wa ta'ala points this out and the the narrations point

[30:22]this out and the aqam point this out is so that the

[30:25]husband does not go looking around other places because some there are

[30:31]sometimes there are individuals that are willing to put their family at

[30:35]risk in order to satisfy their desires in order to satisfy their

[30:39]needs this happens with men and with women but typically you probably

[30:44]see it happening with men more in order to satisfy their desires

[30:49]they go out of the family here allah has given the wife

[30:54]that duty that responsibility to contain the desires within home contain the

[31:02]desires within the perimeters so that the desires don't go outside the

[31:06]home because the moment the desires leave the home this is when

[31:10]society becomes destructive this is when it becomes something that destroys society

[31:17]as a whole the moment the desire leaves the house that is

[31:22]when society and the family is in danger another right that the

[31:30]husband has is that the wife should not leave the home without

[31:35]his permission if he has a legitimate reason to keep her in

[31:41]the home this is he has to have a legitimate reason now

[31:46]here scholars our fuqaha they have different opinions regarding this sayid al

[31:52]khawi one of our grand jurists who passed away he says that

[32:00]that haqq the rights of not leaving the home this is it

[32:05]has to do with the right of intimacy so if as long

[32:10]as the right of intimacy is not broken then the woman could

[32:15]leave the home she could leave the home there's nothing wrong with

[32:18]that but if the right of intimacy is going to be broken

[32:21]because she is leaving the home then it becomes haram other scholars

[32:27]they have justified this by saying that the husband his job is

[32:32]the protector right his job he has to sustain he has to

[32:36]provide he has to protect he has to be there as a

[32:40]protective figure for the family and specifically for the wife so if

[32:45]she leaves the house and he doesn't know about it we're not

[32:50]talking about many times husband she tells him he's okay with it

[32:54]she leaves there's nothing wrong with that this is talking about leaving

[32:57]the house without his permission if she leaves the house without his

[33:01]permission how's he going to how's he going to protect her how

[33:06]is he going to provide for her how is he going to

[33:08]fulfill his responsibility towards her so this is what what some scholars

[33:14]have said and have justified it and most of these laws they

[33:18]go back to the they go back to common sense these laws

[33:24]islamic laws they're not written in stone islamic laws are always changeable

[33:30]for example she has to leave the house even though he doesn't

[33:34]know but she has to go see a doctor no one is

[33:37]going to come and tell her no she can't leave and something

[33:40]like that it all goes back to common sense but the whole

[33:45]purpose of most of these laws is to preserve the structure of

[33:49]the family to preserve the respect of the family to keep the

[33:52]family unified and keep the family together another two laws is that

[33:57]the wife should not bring someone to the house who the husband

[34:01]does not allow it's his he has the responsibility to provide for

[34:05]the house so she should not bring someone who he does not

[34:08]allow and she should not take anything out of the house that

[34:13]he does not permit these are some rights and responsibilities of the

[34:20]husband and the wife and then there's a general attitude that some

[34:26]should have when it comes to running the family when it comes

[34:30]to keeping the marriage alive when it comes to keeping the marriage

[34:35]healthy there are certain things that both couples should do the first

[34:43]both individuals that both spouses should do the first is that a

[34:49]marriage yes it's very easy to go and get married you see

[34:55]every day you hear actors and actresses and you see people getting

[34:59]married but keeping the marriage alive and keeping the marriage sustained this

[35:04]is a difficult task this is something that a lot of people

[35:09]cannot do so therefore there are certain things that must be done

[35:14]first we talked about going into the marriage knowing what you're getting

[35:19]yourself into doing your homework making sure you choose the right person

[35:24]things that we covered last week second what we just covered right

[35:27]now knowing the rights and the responsibilities the husband and the wife

[35:33]should know their responsibilities and communities should have courses we should have

[35:39]courses in our mosques in our communities before a couple decides to

[35:44]get married we should teach them what their rights and responsibilities are

[35:47]before they get into that relationship and then there's an attitude a

[35:53]general attitude that both partners should have the first is that when

[35:58]you're in a relationship you have to be alert you have to

[36:02]know what you're in you have to be awake some of us

[36:05]were on autopilot we don't we're just you know every day we

[36:09]wake up we go to work we come back as long as

[36:12]i'm providing for the family she goes and she does the shopping

[36:16]and we're just living it's very there's no we're not alert we're

[36:21]just going on autopilot when it comes to the family yes this

[36:26]could probably last for a while but then in times of crisis

[36:31]in times of challenges which every family faces sometimes you see there's

[36:38]a struggle because we did not have the correct attitude in running

[36:43]the family so we have to be very alert we have to

[36:48]be very vigilant when it comes to fulfilling our duties towards our

[36:56]partners marriage as we said there are different needs that are provided

[37:03]by the marriage we spoke about this last week there's the the

[37:07]emotional need the psychological need the physical need the social need these

[37:12]are all needs that are satisfied within the family if we are

[37:16]not alert if we're not awake when we're driving and steering the

[37:20]direction of the family we're going to get in an accident and

[37:25]it's going to be destructive so we have to be very careful

[37:29]and this becomes a greater test especially when you have kids when

[37:33]you have kids because now it's not just a husband and a

[37:36]wife now you have the lives of these innocent kids that you

[37:41]are steering their lives and some of us some parents we don't

[37:45]know what which way we're steering our lives and which way we're

[37:49]steering the direction of our children and our family so this is

[37:54]one a second is we have to show love within the family

[38:02]now someone could say yes i deal with them with equality with

[38:07]justice but showing love means going the extra mile and there's nothing

[38:14]wrong with showing love some cultures probably in arab cultures i would

[38:20]say and i'm an arab i have the right to say that

[38:23]we some men think that it is shameful and it brings the

[38:28]man down to show love and show an act of affection towards

[38:34]the family well that's not true go and look at rasulullah look

[38:41]at the ahlul bayt rasulullah he says in a hadith yes maybe

[38:54]for the man love saying i love you or she tells him

[38:58]love you this is something he doesn't really care about but when

[39:02]a husband and this is what rasulullah says when a husband tells

[39:05]his wife i love you this is something that does not leave

[39:09]her heart if it's genuine of course not someone who just says

[39:14]i love you but he doesn't really mean it so this is

[39:19]what the ahlul bayt teach us this is what the ahlul bayt

[39:25]teach us and we see that we have role models rasulullah the

[39:29]ahlul bayt imam al hussain imam al hussain when we think of

[39:33]imam al hussain right away we think of karbala and how he

[39:36]was killed but no imam hussein there was a different dimension to

[39:40]the life of imam hussein he speaks about his wife rabab rabab

[39:47]the mother of ali al azhar he says he says by your

[40:08]life i love a house that has sukainah and rabab and then

[40:16]he says i love them and when i love them that means

[40:23]i spend i care for them i show my love to them

[40:27]and then he says in a society in a patriarchal society that

[40:35]teaches men to be tough and not show affection imam al hussain

[40:41]he says and no one could come and say you why are

[40:47]you doing this this this brings your status down in life and

[40:50]you should not do this he says no there's nothing wrong with

[40:55]doing that and we see amir al mu'minin with fatima tzarah they

[40:59]did the same rasulullah with khadija his first wife and his most

[41:04]beloved wife rasulullah many years after the death of khadija rasulullah he

[41:10]used to slaughter a sheep and then he used to go and

[41:13]give the meat to the friends of khadija and then they used

[41:17]to ask him why khadija was an old lady one of his

[41:21]other wives she was jealous she would tell him why she's an

[41:26]old lady she died allah gave you new allah gave you others

[41:30]allah gave you younger allah gave you other wives rasulullah says no

[41:35]allah did not give me better than khadija khadija was there for

[41:39]me when i was in time of need and even after her

[41:43]death rasulullah would show love to khadija just like amir al mu'mineen

[41:49]would show love to fatima to zahra so this is another quality

[41:57]a third quality that should be practiced of course love it's it

[42:03]goes both ways it goes both ways the husband shows love to

[42:08]the wife and the wife shows love to the husband a man

[42:12]i'll recite this hadith to show us the importance a man came

[42:17]to imam saddiq and then he says imam saddiq says a man

[42:30]came to rasulullah and he told rasulullah he told him she tells

[43:00]a husband he comes to rasulullah he tells him i have a

[43:03]wife my wife when she sees me when i enter the home

[43:08]she comes and she welcomes me she's not sitting on her phone

[43:11]and waiting for me to come i go and i change and

[43:14]i do everything and she's still on her phone she doesn't know

[43:17]what i did of course this is something that husbands do and

[43:20]wives do but this is something that we all do so showing

[43:27]respect she he says when i come home she came and she

[43:33]welcomed me she came to the door and she welcomes me she

[43:39]didn't tell me allah and i left the house she came to

[43:42]the door and she walked me out to the door and then

[43:45]when she sees me sad she tells me why are you sad

[43:48]are you sad about your risk about your sustenance then allah is

[43:53]going to provide for you don't worry about that and if you're

[43:56]sad about your then inshallah you are you you you get more

[44:02]sad and you prepare more why because she helps him in getting

[44:09]closer to allah so then he says tell her rasulullah says you

[44:31]are going to paradise and you are one of the ones who

[44:34]work for allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and for everyday every day that

[44:41]you do this you receive the reward of 70 martyrs in the

[44:45]way of allah just by showing love just by showing affection another

[44:54]responsibility that we have is that we have to be patient who

[45:00]said marriage who said having a family is an easy task no

[45:05]one said that no one said it's going to be easy some

[45:09]people are tested when it comes to their family look at the

[45:12]prophets of allah look at zakariah look at ibrahim look at prophet

[45:16]nuh prophet nuh they were all tested with their families who said

[45:22]family was going to be easy but then allah says give glad

[45:28]tidings to the ones who are patient patient in everything that we

[45:32]do in life and specifically patient when it comes to family if

[45:37]i'm not patient with my own family who am i going to

[45:40]be patient with sometimes patience there are different levels of patience but

[45:47]one one point that we have to focus and be extra vigilant

[45:53]and extra patient on is when it comes to our anger because

[45:58]it's one spark one anger one moment of anger that could potentially

[46:04]destroy a marriage one moment of anger it destroys a marriage it

[46:10]destroys the family it jeopardizes the kids' future and the future of

[46:16]the family one spark of anger this is why we have to

[46:21]always be very careful and try to control our anger try to

[46:27]control ourselves you see some people they fight over the silliest things

[46:33]now there's types of anger there's being angry for the sake of

[46:40]allah you see someone doing something haram you become angry this is

[46:44]a good anger you need that anger but sometimes the food was

[46:49]salty you see someone he throws the plate down and he says

[46:54]that's it i'm angry they get angry because the food has more

[46:58]salt a little bit of salt this is not the act of

[47:03]a true mu'min this is not the act of a believer one

[47:07]who believes in rasulullah as a role model the man who was

[47:11]a mercy and was a role model when it came to his

[47:16]akhlaq you know one day a man he came and he brought

[47:20]rasulullah grapes he brought he brought rasulullah some grapes a plate of

[47:25]grapes the companions they narrate they say that every time he someone

[47:31]would bring him food would eat a little and then he would

[47:35]share with the people in the masjid they say this time rasulullah

[47:40]he came and he began to eat the grapes one after the

[47:43]other and he kept smiling he ate the grapes he said we

[47:47]were looking at rasulullah saying when is he going to share with

[47:50]us but he didn't share and he kept smiling and the man

[47:55]who gave rasulullah the the grapes he was very happy seeing rasulullah

[48:00]smiling and eating the grapes that he brought him then once the

[48:05]man left the companions they told rasulullah o rasulullah every time you

[48:10]share this time you didn't share rasulullah told them the grapes were

[48:16]sour the grapes were sour i didn't want the man to know

[48:21]that his grapes were sour i wanted him to see the happiness

[48:26]and this is what kept the man happy if any of you

[48:30]had eaten right away you would have said this is sour and

[48:33]the man would become upset this is the akhlaq of rasulallah so

[48:39]next time the food is salty or not salty just eat it

[48:42]and say so we have to control our anger we have to

[49:02]control our emotions and this happens on both sides sometimes a husband

[49:11]he gets angry right away and he sparks and right away he

[49:17]fights and he's willing to fight over silly things and other times

[49:21]the wife does it to the husband in the hadith from from

[49:25]imam saddiq he says if a lady if a wife tells her

[49:37]husband if a wife tells her husband i did not see any

[49:50]khair from you i didn't see any good from you the imam

[49:54]says she will lose all of her amman all of her amman

[49:59]would go away because of one word because of one word ends

[50:06]up not only destroying not potentially destroying her marriage but also potentially

[50:13]destroying her afterlife so we have to be very careful with our

[50:19]emotions with our anger when it comes to the family and finally

[50:27]marriage should not be taken lightly and this goes back to the

[50:33]first one we have to be alert marriage and the family it

[50:36]requires a struggle no one said that marriage does not require a

[50:41]struggle it requires a struggle all of the prophets of allah most

[50:45]of the prophets many of the prophets that allah gives us their

[50:48]story in the quran they had struggles not with their people only

[50:53]but also with their family prophet yaqub with his sons prophet yusuf

[50:57]with his brothers ibrahim lut musa they all had certain struggles with

[51:05]their family members so we are not better than the prophets of

[51:11]allah but they went through struggles we could also go through struggles

[51:15]but the important thing is that we have to try to survive

[51:19]these struggles and that is how you keep the marriage alive that

[51:23]is how you keep the family happy and alive and sustained and

[51:28]we could make the families great again get used to hearing that

[51:32]all the time so

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How To Keep Marriage Alive - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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How To Keep Marriage Alive - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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