Will I get Judged if I go to the Mosque? - Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini | MYC

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Program held by the Muslim Youth Connection at the Islamic Institute of America in Dearborn Heights, MI

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[0:00]god the compassionate the merciful the one who has created everything in

[0:06]utmost perfection and may the peace and blessings of the almighty god

[0:12]be upon his pure and beloved messenger [Music] peak of his creation

[0:18]the symbol of humanity the holy prophet muhammad and his immaculate progeny

[0:31]of the bait peace be upon them especially the leader of our

[0:37]time the awaited savior and imam al-mahdi may allah hasten his reappearance

[0:43]and make us all amongst the sincere and dedicated servants respected brothers

[0:50]and sisters i sincerely welcome you to our program this beautiful evening

[1:00]here outdoors as we will discuss a very sensitive topic a topic

[1:08]that many youth have on their minds so when we asked some

[1:17]youth about how they feel about going to a masjid to a

[1:22]mosque to a religious institution this was one of their main biggest

[1:27]concerns i don't feel comfortable going to a mosque because i feel

[1:37]judged there are people at the masjid who will judge me and

[1:41]that makes me uncomfortable that pushes me away this concern is on

[1:49]the minds of many youth in our community so we figured that

[1:53]we'd address this concern with you in the form of a discussion

[1:56]now before we begin the discussion i would like to just share

[2:01]with you some introductory remarks about judging others and there's one very

[2:10]important point if we fully realize it it helps us to avoid

[2:13]judging other people when you look at the world you see that

[2:20]the system of allah is that he has created different creations with

[2:27]different capacities the capacity that you have is different than the capacity

[2:33]that the wall has it's different than the capacity that a tree

[2:39]has the capacity that a tree has is different than the capacity

[2:44]that a rock has now who created this system in which you

[2:50]find these different types of capacities where did that come from from

[2:55]allah and he is the most wise he's the knowledgeable there is

[3:02]wisdom in having this system our challenge in this life is that

[3:07]sometimes we look at our own capacity and we judge everything around

[3:14]us based on that now imagine if a tree wants to be

[3:23]judgmental if a tree judges objects around it a tree can look

[3:28]at the asphalt here or at a rock or at a wall

[3:34]and it can lecture that rock and say to the rock look

[3:39]at you pathetic thing i'm higher than you i grow i have

[3:46]different seasons i'm now nice and colorful colorful and green or as

[3:50]you rock you've been sitting there for the 20 years and you

[3:54]haven't changed see how a tree could judge iraq many of you

[4:01]are smiling but imagine if a tree did that what would you

[4:05]respond to the tree you would say to the tree you're a

[4:10]tree don't judge something that doesn't have your capacity a rock is

[4:15]not an organic being like you that can grow it cannot you

[4:20]know grow leaves so it's inappropriate for you to make that judgment

[4:24]that's not a fair judgment or imagine if you have a beautiful

[4:32]functional device like an airplane and imagine if on an airplane some

[4:41]parts brag and judge other parts the wing can say look at

[4:45]me i'm the wing i'm making you fly you toilet inside the

[4:48]cabin what are you doing you're so low you're the toilet for

[4:53]all these passengers now imagine that imagine the scenario right but what

[5:00]makes it a plane beautiful and functional is that all the parts

[5:04]work together without the wing it cannot fly without the engine it

[5:09]can't fly some planes have six million parts remove some of those

[5:12]parts they're not going to fly it's not just the wing the

[5:14]wing without those other parts is useless the wing without the collaboration

[5:22]of all these other parts it's so useless and it doesn't really

[5:28]have any effect when you look at this whole universe realize that

[5:33]the universe is working together every part is valuable now apply this

[5:39]to the human being when god created us created us with different

[5:47]capacities some people have a higher iq some people have a lower

[5:53]iq some people some people have higher eq emotional intelligence right or

[5:59]as others might not have that much eq some people are born

[6:05]into rich families some people into poor families some people some people

[6:10]are born into a challenging difficult environment violent environment some people are

[6:15]born into a safe neighborhood you see how many millions of factors

[6:21]we have here we don't all have the same capacity and many

[6:24]times because we fail to realize this we start judging other people

[6:29]let's say you're smart you don't have the patience for people who

[6:35]are not as smart have you seen when smart people they lose

[6:39]patience right that's because they fail to understand that others don't have

[6:44]the capacity that you have we all have different capacities even if

[6:48]you're religious and you're praying and you're committed to your religion realize

[6:54]that there are other people who might not have the same background

[7:00]that you have so don't judge them you don't know what the

[7:03]person is going through you don't know what their circumstances are be

[7:08]a source of guidance encourage them absolutely teach them educate them absolutely

[7:11]and appropriately but don't judge people sometimes knowing the system of allah

[7:18]allows you not to judge others that is a very important point

[7:25]i wanted to share with you before inshallah now we open this

[7:30]discussion to address the concerns that many of you have and that

[7:36]is do we get judged when we go to the messages this

[7:39]is something that probably prevents many people from coming because they do

[7:43]feel that they are judged so let's have this discussion and just

[7:49]to give you an example of how some people feel judged i

[7:55]will share with you the experience of one of my friends so

[7:59]months ago i was in the office a brother a dear community

[8:04]member came to see me and they were recording something filming something

[8:08]and then we spoke about why the youth are not as involved

[8:14]in religious programs because we have a big community thousands tens of

[8:18]thousands of youth in the area but we don't see much participation

[8:21]so we were discussing the causes and then he told me say

[8:26]it i'll tell you why many youth are not comfortable going to

[8:31]the masjid i told him why who's bothering them at the masjid

[8:36]like i'm just innocently asking right who's bothering them what's going on

[8:41]in masajid that youth don't like somebody harassing them there somebody not

[8:45]welcoming them what's the problem he told me yes say it that

[8:51]does happen sometimes you don't feel welcome sometimes you go to some

[8:56]institutions and you feel like maybe some organizers some board members it

[8:59]could be some religious scholars or speakers there who don't really care

[9:04]about you i told him can you give me an example he's

[9:08]like yes many many years ago over 10 years ago i was

[9:12]going through a lot of personal personal challenges my friend told me

[9:17]why don't you make an appointment with you know a religious leader

[9:22]there a sheikh there and maybe he can help you it's like

[9:27]i kind of hesitated i didn't i was intimidated i wasn't really

[9:31]comfortable going there but my friend really pushed me my friend really

[9:37]encouraged me he's like okay fine finally finally i had the courage

[9:42]to make the appointment he told me say it we went into

[9:47]his office and it really took a lot of energy out of

[9:54]me to speak about my personal problem it wasn't easy for me

[9:58]so it's like i'm sitting there i'm my tears are shedding i'm

[10:01]crying i'm so emotional talking about this personal challenge and i see

[10:07]him sitting behind his desk there was a fish tank he didn't

[10:11]look at me once and he started to feed his fish it's

[10:16]like at that point i looked at my friend i'm like no

[10:19]why'd you bring me here he's like i just wrapped it up

[10:25]i felt like he didn't care and i left i left the

[10:27]office he told me say for maybe 10 years i was not

[10:31]interested to go to any masjid it was a bad experience it

[10:36]was a bad experience he felt judged he felt like maybe his

[10:43]personal problem was not important to the other person so he told

[10:46]me this is one reason maybe why some youth don't don't come

[10:49]to the masjid so i know that sometimes there are these incidents

[10:53]where maybe someone judged you you know maybe someone at the institution

[10:58]did something that pushed you away you didn't feel any connection any

[11:03]empathy that does happen we don't deny that but this is why

[11:10]we'd like to address this topic with you so to start off

[11:14]our discussion i want to ask you now how many of you

[11:18]have friends who feel that they will be judged when they are

[11:24]in a religious institution if you have friends who feel that way

[11:31]raise your hand okay so i see a number of hands here

[11:35]the sister's side okay so you know friends who feel judged when

[11:37]they come to the masjid now i'd like to ask you some

[11:43]specific questions those friends who feel judged coming to the masjid what

[11:47]do they fear what kind of judgment concerns them can i hear

[11:54]some thoughts yes sister hijab okay so one of them is hijab

[12:01]so your friend is concerned that the type of hijab she wears

[12:06]would not be welcome or is it that she's just not wearing

[12:09]hijab altogether okay okay that was actually the second question i had

[12:35]for you so she feels judged based on what you know has

[12:39]there been an incident where somebody said something to her about her

[12:43]hijab where maybe someone embarrassed her someone put her on the spot

[12:50]did something like that happen okay so then she's had a personal

[12:53]experience but not at a religious environment in the community in the

[13:01]community okay but specifically in the masjid has an incident happen okay

[13:06]but she's still concerned if she comes to the masjid her hijab

[13:09]will be judged okay so that's one judgment that some people fear

[13:16]and they're concerned about their attire what they are wearing i am

[13:21]concerned if i go to the masjid if i go to a

[13:26]religious institution people will judge my clothing what am i wearing how

[13:31]i'm presenting myself and this applies to brothers and the sisters i

[13:34]know some brothers who've told me that you know maybe i'm not

[13:38]comfortable coming to the masjid i want to wear my shorts and

[13:40]maybe somebody there is going to judge me maybe someone is going

[13:44]to say something right so both brothers and sisters have that concern

[13:48]so this is one type of judgment that has to do with

[13:52]your clothing outside appearance brothers let's hear from you your friends who

[13:57]are concerned about being judged what type of judgment do they fear

[14:02]yes brother disability you can speak disabilities okay how in what sense

[14:08]um they're scared that the way they'll treat their themselves or for

[14:12]example parents parents kids or parents at the masjid okay so one

[14:18]concern is that for those who have disabilities their concern is if

[14:23]they go to the masjid someone at the masjid is going to

[14:25]probably judge them and maybe make fun of them i've actually had

[14:32]cases okay so there have been actual incidents where the person was

[14:36]judged at the masjid for a disability okay this is a second

[14:41]type of judgment that people fear uh let's hear some other types

[14:46]sisters your friends who fear coming to the masjid because of the

[14:49]fear of judgment what other types of judgment do they fear so

[14:54]we we mentioned clothing we mentioned disability uh yes can you give

[14:59]her the mic i know it's a little bit loud with these

[15:02]airplanes [Music] you're viewed as too religious if you go to the

[15:13]messages okay that's the other side of the spectrum that's an interesting

[15:18]one there are some people who don't go to the masjid or

[15:21]they don't go regularly because they fear their family or their friends

[15:29]will label them as being too religious or as some brothers have

[15:35]told me extreme one brother says say it i love to participate

[15:38]in all the programs but my family will tell me that you

[15:43]are becoming extreme and we're concerned about that we don't really want

[15:48]you to go to these religious programs that's concerning this is one

[15:54]challenge that some people have another brother told me say it i

[15:56]came twice to the masjid in one month my family started me

[16:01]started to call me chef in a derogatory way of course not

[16:07]in an encouraging way right so that is one concern that some

[16:11]people have they fear being judged by going to the masjid because

[16:14]the the label of two religious will be applied to them so

[16:17]that is a third type of judgment uh let's examine a fourth

[16:22]type uh yes uh brother let's hear from you and then i'll

[16:24]get to the other brothers what is another type of judgment that

[16:28]people fear um it was like one one time experience where i

[16:32]went to a different sect uh just slightly different like just like

[16:59]the slight differences like oh no you're doing it you shouldn't judgment

[17:20]thank you for sharing that so we can say that the other

[17:25]type of judgment is that you might go to a religious institution

[17:28]and you may not necessarily practice your school of thought the way

[17:33]they do and they'll call you out they'll tell you this is

[17:37]wrong and that could push some people away yes that is another

[17:40]type of judgment very valid uh brother yes just to add to

[17:48]what brother said here he talks about different things right but it

[17:53]does happen um also within the same segment being shia right unfortunately

[18:00]um we you know the mediterranean police you name it right we

[18:07]come from our countries and sometimes we bring our divisions here to

[18:11]the community uh even within the same you know being all shia

[18:14]for example right where you go to a masjid where people will

[18:19]judge you saying you know you were for example you should not

[18:22]go to that one right or you're iraqi why you go so

[18:26]you have the ethnic judgment here exactly unfortunately we bring this you

[18:30]know bad things here and and that's that's in my opinion one

[18:37]of the biggest thing here in the community where people judge you

[18:40]because you know the perception they have that you know you should

[18:46]go that place or you should do that that is that is

[18:50]a very good point over here sometimes we fear the judgment of

[18:53]ethnicity if i go to this masjid they might have their own

[18:58]divisions and i come from an ethnic background i don't really feel

[19:02]welcome because of that ethnic background that does happen just recently in

[19:05]shah ramadan i was in another state and we were having iftar

[19:10]community if not at a table and so we had you know

[19:14]brothers at the table from a certain country and they were speaking

[19:20]arabic there was someone who did not speak arabic originally the person

[19:24]was from a different country so i tried to speak in english

[19:29]just to make him you know part of the table but they

[19:30]kept speaking arabic and asking their questions in arabic and i guess

[19:36]i made a mistake once i answered in arabic right the guy

[19:40]became angry he like slammed his arm on the table he's like

[19:46]enough is enough i don't feel welcome anymore you guys are talking

[19:49]arabic you're not welcoming me if i'm not from this ethnicity that

[19:52]means the masjid is not from me we had to calm the

[19:55]guy down right but he really felt that way and maybe the

[20:00]other brothers were not being too sensitive uh to this person i

[20:03]tried my best but you know we're sitting like half an hour

[20:07]on the table you know it's bound to happen sometimes when you

[20:10]repeatedly get a question in a certain language you might answer in

[20:13]that language so yes that is the judgment of ethnicity unfortunately that

[20:17]is reflected in some religious institutions um the young brother here did

[20:24]you have uh something to share okay we'll we'll wait for you

[20:29]um a brother in the back yes can you give the mic

[20:30]to the brother in the back he had his hand up so

[20:33]what is uh a type of judgment that let's say your friends

[20:40]would have concerns about coming to the masjid i have some friends

[20:48]who don't pray or they pray differently that people will judge them

[20:54]for or shame them rather for being a part of the group

[20:57]okay so specifically about salah and prayer they fear if they come

[21:02]to the masjid and they don't pray they'll be ashamed or they

[21:06]don't pray correctly they will be shamed or if they pray differently

[21:10]okay both of them so either they don't pray they'll be shamed

[21:14]or they will pray differently and they will be shamed okay so

[21:18]that is that is a concern that some people might have now

[21:22]those friends that you know do you think an actual incident happened

[21:26]at the masjid that makes them feel this way or it's just

[21:30]a concern that they have like did one of them come to

[21:35]the masjid and they were shamed for praying differently or for not

[21:39]praying altogether uh i'm not certain but i think they've probably heard

[21:45]stories about people who have been shamed okay so it may not

[21:48]necessarily have been a personal incident with them but maybe something they

[21:52]heard that that is a good point the reason why i ask

[21:56]that is because sometimes we hear of a story and the way

[22:00]our brain works it takes an incident that you hear about and

[22:05]it generalizes it and it projects it on all institutions so when

[22:11]i've spoken to some brothers and sisters about the fear of judgment

[22:15]many times i've realized it's not a personal thing that has happened

[22:19]with them but it's the fear of being judged why because i

[22:23]heard of a story of someone who got judged and so i

[22:26]don't want to be judged so just to let you all know

[22:33]that not everyone who fears judged has had a personal experience more

[22:37]often than not it's something they've heard and then that translates into

[22:43]fear on their part so sometimes there might be an institution that

[22:48]doesn't judge anyone along these lines that you have mentioned but still

[22:53]there might be thousands of people who are intimidated they're not comfortable

[22:57]to go to this place because of a story that they've heard

[23:01]or a post that they've read online it's important to know that

[23:05]it's important to know the reality out there and the perception out

[23:11]there that that is very helpful sisters any example that you would

[23:13]like to share yes sister in the back if uh brother ali

[23:17]can you give them the mic um okay that is an excellent

[24:12]one so sometimes some adults don't come to the masjid because they

[24:15]feel like they don't know enough and that could put them on

[24:20]the spot coming to the masjid where there might be an expectation

[24:23]that if you're coming to the masjid you should have some level

[24:25]of knowledge and that is what's intimidating them now i'd like to

[24:31]ask you the same question do you think that is based on

[24:33]an actual incident that happened with one of the mothers or it's

[24:35]just the perception which we through conversations okay so it's more of

[24:48]a perception not necessarily actual incidents that have happened okay thank you

[24:52]for sharing that that's a very valid one uh yes sister the

[25:01]children um um i myself um he's really loud and he it's

[25:08]out of his heart when he's a silhouette i had an experience

[25:12]where um last year not here at a different location here in

[25:17]airport though where a student was loud doing follow us and the

[25:22]person that was presenting the message [Music] yeah so that's very different

[25:37]that was very discouraging to me as a mother and for my

[25:40]children that my children there were a lot of discouraging comments from

[25:50]people that are at the mosque that are volunteering which would discourage

[25:54]my children you know they're like i don't like going to this

[25:56]particular month because so-and-so person always yells at me right sometimes that

[26:01]has happened and that intimidates the children but the very very um

[26:06]hurting was last year when the person they just called them out

[26:10]right right there that's unfortunate so um you know so i you

[26:16]know i feel for what you're saying i feel sometimes again it

[26:22]depends on the play cycle to be honest because sometimes i feel

[26:25]that you know my son is not accepted because he's loud or

[26:29]you know if he's doing something i shouldn't have to because this

[26:33]is a place that i'd like him to be comfortable and feel

[26:37]loved i can understand why you would have that concern that's that's

[26:40]very unfortunate hasuni where are you raise your hand uh let's hear

[26:45]a loud salawat from you allah muhammad so these are some concerns

[26:55]that we heard from you the fear of being judged it is

[27:00]a very valid fear and it's unfortunate but now let's think of

[27:05]some solutions in order to address this and the solution is not

[27:11]that easy because different institutions have different environments right what could be

[27:15]applicable to one mosque to one message to one youth group to

[27:21]one institution may not necessarily apply to other institutions right but here

[27:26]are some recommendations to address this challenge of being judged here here

[27:34]are my recommendations as a general principle in life if there is

[27:41]a place program that is beneficial for you for your spiritual growth

[27:49]for your mental and intellectual growth for your academic growth if there

[27:56]is a place that's beneficial for you benefit from that place even

[28:00]if there are people there who will judge you because at the

[28:06]end of the day if i don't seek that spiritual growth or

[28:09]academic growth or intellectual growth because of the fear of judgment at

[28:16]the end of the day whose loss is it whose loss is

[28:20]it it's my loss right and there are people out there who

[28:24]might be obstacles in your path to success that's part of the

[28:28]trial of this life my invitation and brotherly advice to every dear

[28:32]brother and sister here in the community if you know something's beneficial

[28:37]for you you have allah imagine the manager of the universe with

[28:41]you rely on allah and proceed don't be so concerned with judgment

[28:49]because whatever you do in life you'll be judged the prophet was

[28:56]judged and he's the greatest creation of god imam ali ibn abi

[29:00]talib was judged every imam of bait was judged imam hussain until

[29:05]this day there are ignorant people who criticize him for rising against

[29:09]the ruler of his time 14th centuries there are still people who

[29:14]judge him don't let the fear of judgment stop you from doing

[29:19]that which is good and that which is beneficial because at the

[29:23]end of the day it's my loss if i didn't spiritually grow

[29:27]intellectually grow because of the fear of judgment even if there are

[29:32]some people who judge you as long as you're benefiting from this

[29:35]place from this program participate in the program pursue this path whether

[29:43]it's your academics whether it's your spiritual growth whatever it is if

[29:47]there are some people who label you as being too religious at

[29:51]the end of the day if you're coming to the masjid to

[29:54]the youth programs you're benefiting you're intellectually and spiritually growing it's bringing

[29:59]you closer to allah subhanahu ta'ala let them judge you their judgment

[30:06]should not stop you from progress it's your life not their life

[30:11]they have their lives to live it's your growth it's your success

[30:16]if we want to pay attention to the judgment of people no

[30:20]one would become successful you would not have a successful businessman you'd

[30:25]not have a successful teacher you wouldn't have anyone successful in society

[30:30]because the reality is everyone gets judged everyone in school you're judged

[30:37]in college you're judged at the mall you're judged you're judged everywhere

[30:41]yes there are types of judgment judgments vary from one institution to

[30:44]another institution from one setting to another setting sure it's not one

[30:51]type of judgment across the board there are types of judgment but

[30:55]no matter where you go what you do you will be judged

[30:58]unfortunately that's the challenge of this life anywhere you are you'll be

[31:06]judged even when you don't come to the masjid you'll get judged

[31:08]you go to the masjid you'll get judged sure i admit that

[31:12]regardless of what you do someone will judge you therefore do that

[31:18]which pleases god and what's beneficial to you if this place is

[31:21]beneficial for me go there this program is for me go with

[31:27]the program don't let others sabotage your success because of their judgment

[31:31]it's my loss if i do that that is one brotherly advice

[31:37]i would share with everyone and this applies to everyone believe me

[31:40]from the prophet salallahu being don't let the judgment of people derail

[31:46]you from the path of allah subhanahu ta'ala from the path of

[31:48]goodness from the path of spiritual growth educational growth intellectual growth so

[31:56]it's it's it's unfortunate that we get judged it hurts it hurts

[32:01]the holy quran has to console the prophet rasulullah imagine the greatest

[32:09]creation of god and he's the highest moral character the mountain of

[32:18]patience the quran has to give him consolation [Music] we know we

[32:26]acknowledge that your heart becomes tight depressed because of what they say

[32:30]because of their judgments but it's okay you have allah glorify allah

[32:36]fall into sajud let allah give you that power it hurts to

[32:42]be judged it really hurts to be judged but i can train

[32:47]myself to rise above this concern because i know at the end

[32:52]of the day i want success for myself and my family i

[32:55]won't let anyone hijack my success in the form of a judgment

[32:59]that they pass on me whether it's in person that they say

[33:03]to me it's on social media it doesn't matter having that inner

[33:07]strength is one of the greatest tools for success that anyone can

[33:12]have so it's unfortunate but it's unavoidable there is no place that

[33:17]you can go to that's free of judgments my dear brothers and

[33:20]sisters there's no place on the face of the planet even if

[33:23]you go to the house of allah in mecca you're not free

[33:29]from that there is no place on earth that's free from judgment

[33:34]but that is the trial of the believer that is the trial

[33:39]of every human being what's important is allah's judgment allah's pleasure allah

[33:45]satisfaction not the people so even if there's a masjid if i'm

[33:49]benefiting at that masjid and there is someone there at the masjid

[33:52]who's going to judge me it's unfortunate we should do something about

[33:56]it but don't let that derail you don't let that stop you

[34:03]and your children and your family from benefiting that would be unfair

[34:06]to do that to yourself so this is one one recommendation that

[34:12]i have any thoughts you'd like to share about this point before

[34:15]i share with you the second point any personal experience yes you

[34:22]can just think about it brother ali can you give them the

[34:30]mic you can just think about it they're making excuses for themselves

[34:50]thank you for sharing that yeah sometimes they're just making up excuses

[34:54]for themselves so they're comfortable with not coming and they kind of

[35:00]you know want to make you feel bad not to go yes

[35:01]that that sometimes does happen yes brother um i know there's another

[35:06]point so i'm not sure talk about this but in my opinion

[35:10]we so far we focus on what the individuals would have to

[35:13]do right to avoid that um being judged but don't you think

[35:19]also that the centers the messages the islamic centers would also have

[35:23]a role and maybe a response that is my second point yes

[35:25]okay because we have to address the solution too exactly because i

[35:30]believe they also have a hundred percent to come with a creative

[35:34]strategy to to help those people who have concerns a hundred percent

[35:38]so that was the first point and generally in life don't let

[35:45]judgments derail you from a good path but the second point is

[35:47]when there are these judgments in community centers and messages we definitely

[35:52]have to do something about it so here's here's my recommendation if

[35:56]you feel judged at a masjid at a youth group at any

[36:01]program i encourage all of you do something about it don't sit

[36:09]idle and say that's and i'm not coming there because remember at

[36:11]the end of the day the masjid belongs to who who say

[36:16]it louder let me hear it louder allah not to any individual

[36:36]any family any board they might give that impression but they're wrong

[36:41]at the end of the day it's a last place it's the

[36:45]community's place so don't if you're judged don't say you know what

[36:48]too bad i'm i'm judged i'm not coming anymore no that's your

[36:53]message it's allah's message it's the community's message do something about it

[36:56]approach the organizers of the program approach the board approach anyone there

[37:03]and number one tell them that you've been judged many times many

[37:08]times it's someone acting on their own and others don't even know

[37:15]about it so the first thing that yeah that you have to

[37:18]do go up to the organizers and raise this issue if it

[37:24]was someone from the organizers who passed the judgment you have to

[37:29]go and confront them let's say alhamdulillah here in our youth group

[37:33]there's no judgment but let's say if one of you felt judged

[37:37]you see it brother ali we call him ali you're gonna go

[37:41]to him you can hold him from here from his t-shirt just

[37:45]kidding tell him ali i need to talk to you i feel

[37:52]like one of the organizers judged me i'm inviting everyone to do

[37:59]this everyone to do this and i'm serious about this go to

[38:02]them let them know sometimes they don't know sometimes they need to

[38:07]know what happened so it's it's addressed and it's not repeated this

[38:14]is really helpful if everyone who's judged does their part in going

[38:19]and bringing awareness to the organizers about what's happening it will be

[38:24]significantly reduced so do something about it don't just go home and

[38:29]then feel sad and then start bash them as jid and then

[38:33]never you know step your foot in there for the rest of

[38:37]your life that's the message of allah don't let the masjid of

[38:41]allah down you also have a responsibility in the community for these

[38:46]massages because they belong to allah they don't belong to any certain

[38:51]group they're your masajid so when you just stop going there i

[38:54]mean if imagine if everyone says you know what i'm not going

[38:58]to the kaaba anymore i'm not going to the shrine of imam

[39:00]hussain anymore because somebody judged me there so should we shut them

[39:06]down should we shut them down no of course not because at

[39:14]the end of the day this is your place too you want

[39:18]people to benefit from this place so there's something wrong that's happening

[39:22]go and try to fix it effectively appropriately and let's say you

[39:28]went to brother adiji that day haram is at a very long

[39:34]day okay maybe he didn't quite you know see what the problem

[39:37]was let's say he didn't follow up because there were so many

[39:40]things on his mind don't give up come again see somebody else

[39:44]be persistent my dear brothers and sisters people who are persistent in

[39:48]reaching the solution they always reach a solution believe me allah subhanahu

[39:54]wa ta'ala takes you to a solution with persistence so feel the

[40:00]obligation to also correct it when you see others judging so it's

[40:06]wrong for people like that to pass a judgment it's definitely wrong

[40:10]we condemn that however also try to fix it yourself by bringing

[40:16]awareness about it just go to them and address it for instance

[40:20]that incident with the salawat my recommendation would have been to go

[40:25]and meet the organizers and tell them tell them my son is

[40:30]here he's enthusiastic he's showing his love for adam bait okay i

[40:33]apologize if he was too loud maybe he distracted some people but

[40:36]for you to give him that look really hurt him and hurt

[40:41]me i dress it with them fill up sometimes they'll apologize you

[40:44]know it won't happen so you did reach out to them how

[40:52]did it go went pretty well okay so i'm i i mean

[40:55]i admire that the fact that that you did reach out to

[40:59]them so reach out to them when you feel judged that's that's

[41:02]the second recommendation yes brother when does it really like is there

[41:22]a line where kind of like let's say i receive constructive criticism

[41:28]but it's constant i don't learn that fellow brother or sister kept

[41:35]explaining it i just don't learn and i feel like it's just

[41:37]since it's competitive it's like it feels like a judgment i'm not

[41:43]learning it there's a solution for that that's a very good point

[41:46]that's actually the third point the third point is sometimes something needs

[41:52]attention and correction but how do you go about correcting it right

[41:58]we live in an era in a society in which if i'm

[42:04]not part of your close circle of friends i'm not allowed to

[42:10]comment on anything about your life is that healthy or not that's

[42:17]that's a discussion right is this good or not if everyone feels

[42:20]that way then how do you uphold the islamic values of right

[42:27]in joining the good and forbidding the evil so one example that

[42:33]one of the sisters mentioned is the attire the hijab right if

[42:36]this this applies to the brothers and the sisters so we understand

[42:42]that there are certain places where you are expected to have a

[42:47]professional attire right i mean if it's the day of your graduation

[42:52]and you're going on stage isn't there an expectation that you should

[42:59]be dressed modestly appropriately right or imagine if you're going to a

[43:05]very important professional job interview isn't there a certain attire that you

[43:07]have to observe now let's say i don't i go to my

[43:11]graduation with whatever you know with my pajamas imagine you go to

[43:18]your graduation with your pajamas if somebody judges you there right or

[43:24]points it out or constructively criticize it to you right and then

[43:30]you get hurt i'm just having a discussion here i'm not passing

[43:36]a judgment do you think that the one who may have judged

[43:40]you or criticized that is entirely here to hold accountable or no

[43:47]if you went to your graduation with your pajamas and people started

[43:52]saying a few things would you say about a situation like that

[43:56]don't come to the graduation with pajamas again you would say okay

[44:01]next time if you're coming to another graduation not sure if you'll

[44:04]have another graduation but if you're coming to another graduation maybe you

[44:08]should not wear pajamas see i think sometimes it's also helpful that

[44:12]when you're going to a community center to a masjid to a

[44:18]place right it's it's wrong for others to judge you of course

[44:20]this is not helpful but at the same time take some steps

[44:25]to avoid some of that judgment right by for instance dressing in

[44:32]a professional way for instance i know it's a sensitive point but

[44:38]i think what our society today is teaching our youngsters especially on

[44:42]tick tock it's teaching our youngsters where whatever you want nobody has

[44:46]the right to say anything about it is that healthy where do

[44:53]you draw the line i mean imagine what's going to happen the

[44:56]next five years the next 10 years if nobody says anything then

[45:00]where's our moral obligation it's a complex situation right it's a very

[45:06]complex situation here's my recommendation for everyone if you see someone doing

[45:13]something that between you and god requires attention requires that you point

[45:21]it out find an effective way to address it and correct it

[45:25]and many times it means you cannot go to the person directly

[45:29]because as i said we live in a society in an era

[45:33]where if you're not my close friend i'll be offended if you

[45:36]point something about my whatever my character my clothing my body whatever

[45:40]it is so let's say let's say i see a brother maybe

[45:44]he's not in the appropriate attire for the setting let's see as

[45:50]an example instead of going to him directly what i can do

[45:54]is go to his friend his best friend and i tell him

[45:58]look you're his best friend if i speak to him directly he

[46:00]might feel judged he might be offended but for these reasons this

[46:05]attire is not the best of attires here let's say you're at

[46:08]that graduation and you know it's not really good to come with

[46:11]the pajamas so go to the friend and tell him can you

[46:14]address it with your friend that's a safer way because that person

[46:20]is more likely to accept that advice from their friend so when

[46:25]you see something that requires constructive criticism as you put it maybe

[46:29]directly addressing it with them is not helpful these days it's just

[46:34]the way our society is find another way to get the message

[46:37]across go to one of their friends oh go to a friend

[46:42]who's a friend with their friend sometimes you need to do that

[46:45]in order for you to be effective so i'm not saying pay

[46:50]stop abandoning your obligation you know that's it because we just live

[46:54]in 2022 there's no anymore i'd be a dishonest scholar if i

[47:01]were to tell you that i would be betraying the holy quran

[47:05]if i were to tell you that because the quran says this

[47:08]is an obligation this is an islamic principle that you show people

[47:25]guidance if they're doing something wrong you point it out if they

[47:28]don't know their religious obligations you try to educate them about that

[47:31]this is our obligation i'm not asking anyone here to abandon this

[47:35]obligation but find a way that's effective and not flammable not a

[47:44]flammable way right one that is effective indirectly through their friends that

[47:49]would be very very helpful i know it's almost time for adam

[47:54]so any any concluding thoughts remarks that you'd like to share so

[48:00]to summarize the points of our discussion is that as believers remember

[48:04]in the introductory point we shouldn't judge others people have different backgrounds

[48:09]different capacities different life experiences even if you think you're religious and

[48:15]others are not still don't put them down even in your mind

[48:17]don't think that you're better than them the imams have debates have

[48:20]prohibited us from doing that the second point is don't let the

[48:26]judgment of people stop you from success that was the second point

[48:32]the third point address it go to that institution go to that

[48:34]message go to the organizers and tell them you know this was

[48:39]not okay i felt judged here talk to them many many times

[48:42]it will be positive trust me maybe not every time but many

[48:47]many times like the sister mentioned here it was okay it was

[48:52]positive so try to do something about it so and and the

[48:55]last point that we shared is that when it comes to uh

[48:59]you know something that you really need to point out it's okay

[49:03]do it indirectly in a way that it doesn't backfire ah yes

[49:09]brother brother ali can you give hajj hassan what about inviting people

[49:13]what about inviting people to come to the mosque how do you

[49:20]tell them they're not going to be judged that's a very good

[49:27]point how do you tell the people look it's okay you can

[49:31]come to the masjid inshallah you won't be judged you'll be welcome

[49:34]because as all of you have realized many of the concerns your

[49:43]friends have are just their impression how they feel not necessarily an

[49:47]incident that happened with them so you really want to tell the

[49:50]community look it's not as bad as you think it is right

[49:53]it's not like if you come to the masjid people are standing

[49:58]there having no life like the fbi agents you know zooming in

[50:01]on you it's not like that right i think sometimes some people

[50:07]have that have that impression that if i go there there's gonna

[50:09]be a hundred eyes on me it's it's not like that it's

[50:12]not that bad right people are going there they're all going they're

[50:15]inshallah to learn and uh it's not a place where you're going

[50:20]there really to be judged so the community needs to know i

[50:25]think the best most effective method is by word of mouth because

[50:28]even if you give 10 lectures about this those who feel judge

[50:33]will still feel judged i think they need their friends to help

[50:35]them so what i recommend is all of you go to those

[50:39]friends that you said have that fear tell them look come with

[50:43]me next time i'll come i'll pick you up let's go let's

[50:46]go together i guarantee you it will be a positive experience i've

[50:51]been going to the youth group for the last two years i've

[50:53]never had an incident it's okay and even if god forbid an

[51:00]incident happens i promise you we'll address it we won't let it

[51:02]just go like that so i think by word of mouth if

[51:06]you communicate that to your friends and encourage them tell them come

[51:09]you will not get judged it's okay you'll benefit it's a really

[51:15]good program if you don't go it's your loss i think by

[51:19]word of mouth if we can spread the word in the community

[51:23]that would be really really helpful and yes such discussions are also

[51:27]helpful so i think we need to have more of such discussions

[51:28]in our youth groups and our lectures speaking about the dangers of

[51:32]judging others and giving solutions to people who feel that they are

[51:38]judged that is definitely helpful but word of mouth is key so

[51:41]inshallah all of you who attended tonight and the homework that i

[51:48]would suggest for you is to reach out to five of your

[51:49]friends who do you think they might be hesitant to come because

[51:53]of the fear of judgment tell them look it's not as bad

[51:58]as you think don't worry come next week with me i'll guarantee

[52:00]you you won't be judged no one's going to bother you let

[52:05]them hear these words of encouragement they are really really helpful very

[52:11]helpful and if we all do our part inshallah we can create

[52:13]a better environment where we always as a community can come together

[52:18]and we can have beneficial programs and discussions inshallah my dear brothers

[52:22]and sisters the do we have the ice cream the ice cream

[52:27]is waiting for you it's warm so you don't want it to

[52:31]melt so let's go and have our ice creams we have a

[52:32]few minutes till the salah inshallah i would like to just make

[52:37]sure no stampede happens i would like to thank you all for

[52:40]participating in our program tonight thank you for your openness to discuss

[52:45]this very sensitive topic

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