When we are suspicious about God | Alireza Panahian

When we are suspicious about God…

When we feel bad about the past, this means that we are ungrateful. If we feel bad about the future, we become hopeless. The human being is a creature that loses hope very quickly. The psychology of human beings in the Qur’an shows this. The Almighty God has said this repeatedly about human beings. This shows that God doesn’t like us to despair. It also shows that becoming hopeless is a bad mental state, which we usually suffer from. “If We let a human being taste Our Mercy and then withhold it from him, he becomes desperate and ungrateful.” (Qur’an 11:9)
There is something, which has happened many times in the meetings held for the Kumayl supplication, or when we were reading it ourselves with friends. In the beginning it says, “God forgive all the sins that I have committed and all the mistakes that I have made.” After asking for forgiveness in different ways, in conclusion on the second page of the small Mafatih books, it says, “God forgive all of our sins.” I tell the friends, “Whoever wanted God to forgive his sins, God has forgiven him. Now he may go.”
The rest of the supplication is not about insisting to God, “Forgive me. Have You forgiven me, or not? Let me say it again! Maybe You haven’t forgiven me! How should I know if You have forgiven me? It is not easy for You to forgive me!” No, the rest of the supplication is not for being suspicious about the Lord.
Instead, it’s construed in this supplication, “God, since You have forgiven me, ‘I come close to You by remembering You.’ I want to get close to You so that I can talk to You more. Will You let me?” A person is sitting in a corner depressed and broken hearted. This person is not thankful about the past nor hopeful about the future. When this person cries, everyone says, “Pray for me too.” Don’t ask such a person to pray for you! If they were thankful, they weren’t sad now. What kind of sadness is this? Not every broken heart is beautiful.
There is an interesting supplication to be read in Aba Abdillah al-Husayn’s (‘a) shrine. The pilgrim says, “God! If I stay in Imam Husayn’s shrine for a long time, it is not because I am suspicious about You and wondering if You have forgiven me or not, and to stay to insist a little more. And, if I leave, it is not because I am tired of being in the shrine. My heart is still here. If I leave, it’s based on a feeling of my duty. If I stay it is because of my interest.”
The interesting point is that if you want to stay in Imam Husayn’s (‘a) shrine due to your despair, this is bad. Don’t think that if you read ten more supplications, you have done a very good deed. Why are you doing this? Why are you saying it ten more times? One might say, “Because, I don’t know. I doubt and am desperate. I don’t know if they will answer my prayer or not.” This is a bad mood.
“On the Day (of Judgment) when all secrets will be made public,” (Qur’an 86:9) it will become clear that whatever God has given to anyone is in the amount of his or her hope and good thoughts about God.
[From the series of speeches under the topic of, “A human being’s moods, as stated in the Qur’an”]