What Does a Successful Marriage Look Like? | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

18 المشاهدات· 24/03/22

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What Does A Successful Marriage Look Like? | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

Getting Ready for Marriage, Part 3 | Muslim Youth Connection

Program held by the Muslim Youth Connection at the Islamic Institute of America in Dearborn Heights, MI

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[0:17]I begin in the name of the almighty God, the compassionate, the

[0:24]merciful, the one who has created everything in utmost perfection.

[0:29]And may the peace and blessings of the Almighty God be upon

[0:34]his pure and beloved messenger, the peak of his creation, the symbol

[0:40]of humanity, the holy prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasall and his immaculate

[0:50]progeny of the B peace be upon them, especially the leader of

[0:55]our time, the awaited savior almi.

[1:00]May Allah hasten his reappearance and make us all amongst his sincere

[1:07]and dedicated servants.

[1:08]Respected brothers and sisters, I sincerely welcome you to our third episode

[1:19]in our series as we discuss how do we prepare ourselves for

[1:27]marriage, this most important journey in our lives.

[1:33]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in captures for us the goal of the

[1:42]marital relationship.

[1:43]Allah subhana wa ta'ala statesman and from this and among the signs

[1:58]of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is that he is created from amongst

[2:01]your own selves partners what's the goal of this partnership so you

[2:13]can find sukun in your partner means peace and tranquility and then

[2:24]Allah subhana wa ta'ala brings divine love and compassion between you that

[2:29]is the purpose of the marital relationship to find that peace that

[2:37]security that tranquility therefore having a successful marriage marriage is the most

[2:45]important aspect of your life.

[2:48]In a successful marriage, you're more productive, you're more functional, you're more

[2:58]stable, and you find more happiness.

[3:00]But in a miserable, failing marriage, you can be dysfunctional.

[3:07]It takes a huge toll on you psychologically, emotionally, mentally, even physically.

[3:14]So, it's very important for us to take the necessary steps to

[3:21]increase the chances of us having a successful marriage.

[3:27]The reality is, my dear brothers and sisters, and it is a

[3:32]sad reality, when you get married and you're trying to navigate the

[3:36]marital waters, you're pretty much on your own.

[3:41]There aren't that many institutions in society that help you with that.

[3:45]When it comes to business, we've got a lot of protection from

[3:48]the law agencies.

[3:51]There are unions, right?

[3:53]Have you heard of a marriage union that helps you with marital

[3:59]challenges and problems?

[3:58]You're pretty much on your own and everyone has their own opinion.

[4:05]You go to your friends, they give you their opinion about this

[4:09]particular problem in your marriage.

[4:10]You go to your in-laws, they give you different tips.

[4:14]You go to your parents, they give you different tips.

[4:16]And some of them have some very good tips.

[4:18]But all of that can be confusing.

[4:22]Therefore, it's very important that even before you start the journey of

[4:32]marriage, you take the steps from now to ensure guarantee that this

[4:36]marriage will be more successful and that is possible with greater effort.

[4:42]It is definitely possible to ensure the chances to ensure that the

[4:47]chances of our marriages will be more successful are greater by the

[4:52]blessings of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[4:54]In our discussion tonight, I would like to share with you some

[5:01]very important steps that we can take in order to increase the

[5:06]chances of having our marriages be more successful.

[5:09]One very important tip that I can share with you my dear

[5:15]brothers and sisters as right now you're considering marriage, you're considering preparing

[5:22]yourself for marriage, you're considering finding the appropriate spouse.

[5:26]Let's say you've got started on some of these steps.

[5:30]One very important step that we all need to take before marriage

[5:37]is to better understand the opposite gender.

[5:40]By understanding the opposite gender, we set ourselves for a successful path

[5:50]to dealing with marital issues.

[5:52]Most of the problems that we have in our marriages result in

[5:58]us not knowing the opposite gender.

[5:59]The reality is men and women as similar as they are, but

[6:07]they're different as well.

[6:07]And science has confirmed this.

[6:10]We have psychological differences between the genders.

[6:14]There are many types of differences between the genders.

[6:19]There are biological differences between the genders.

[6:21]Even the way the brain is structured is slightly different between men

[6:27]and women, between males and females.

[6:29]Science tells us that on average, women tend to use both sides

[6:37]of their brain pretty much equally, whereas men tend to use the

[6:44]left side of their brain more.

[6:46]And it is for this reason that women have four times the

[6:54]number of neurons connecting the right side of the brain to the

[6:57]left side of the brain than men.

[6:59]They have more neurons connecting these two sides.

[7:03]This is a biological difference confirmed by science, by research.

[7:09]Now, one may wonder, okay, does that have any consequences?

[7:15]that has a lot of consequences.

[7:18]Understanding these consequences, understanding these differences helps us operate more efficiently with

[7:26]the opposite gender.

[7:29]It helps us move away from taking issues personally.

[7:34]Many times when there's a misunderstanding in the marriage and you know

[7:39]one spouse takes things personally, many times it's because you haven't really

[7:43]understood the opposite gender.

[7:45]By understanding the opposite gender in a better way, you can avoid

[7:52]many of these misunderstandings, you can work on them with a more

[7:59]open heart.

[7:57]So I recommend to all my dear brothers and sisters before you

[8:05]get married, study the opposite gender.

[8:06]Psychologically, what are the differences?

[8:08]It's very important to know these psychological differences.

[8:13]I will share with you some examples just to see how this

[8:20]is so significant.

[8:20]The first example is the ability of women on average to multitask

[8:29]better than men.

[8:28]Because you have more neurons connecting the right side of the brain

[8:32]to the left side, women can multitask better than men.

[8:37]This has proven by research and science.

[8:39]This is not just a claim.

[8:41]And I'm sure you can attest to that, right?

[8:44]Have you seen, mashallah, for instance, your mother?

[8:49]She can manage 10 things at once.

[8:52]Sometimes she's running the house.

[8:54]She knows what's happening with the children.

[8:57]She's uh cooking a nice delicious meal and she's on the phone

[9:04]talking to someone and she's managing all of that seamlessly, beautifully.

[9:09]A lot of men can't do that.

[9:12]We simply cannot because we have less neurons connecting these two sides

[9:18]of the brain.

[9:20]Hence, women on average multitask better than men.

[9:23]Whereas men, the way their brain is structured, they need to focus

[9:30]more on the task that they do.

[9:33]Now, how does this benefit me if I know it?

[9:38]Many problems that arise in a marriage is because both spouses don't

[9:42]really understand this point.

[9:43]So they start taking things personally.

[9:45]I've seen this many times.

[9:47]For instance, take this typical scene.

[9:50]The husband is doing his work.

[9:52]Maybe he's reading the paper.

[9:55]He's on his computer working on something that has to do with

[10:00]his work, with his job.

[9:59]And his wife calls him.

[10:03]The first time she calls him, what happens?

[10:05]nothing.

[10:06]He doesn't respond.

[10:09]The second time she calls him, he doesn't respond.

[10:11]The third time when she yells, finally she grabs his attention.

[10:17]Now, she takes that personally.

[10:18]Why does she take that personally?

[10:20]Because she thinks he's ignoring her.

[10:23]He may not be ignoring her.

[10:28]That's just the way his brain is wired.

[10:30]I know some men when they're into their work, if a bomb

[10:33]explodes in the neighborhood, they won't feel it, right?

[10:37]You've seen those moments.

[10:41]That's how the brain has been designed to function for some males.

[10:44]It's helpful to know this so you don't take it personally.

[10:47]Now, this doesn't mean that we justify for men ignoring their wives.

[10:51]No, not at all.

[10:53]Men should also be more considerate.

[10:55]Realize that this is important to her.

[10:58]She calls you once, answer.

[10:59]It's okay.

[11:00]We know you're busy.

[11:01]You're focused on your work, but your family is more important than

[11:07]your work.

[11:06]Be considerate to this aspect.

[11:09]But at the same time, it's helpful for the wife to know

[11:13]that he is not deliberately ignoring her.

[11:17]That's how he is.

[11:18]His brain is slightly designed to be different when it comes to

[11:26]multitasking and focusing on a task.

[11:27]This is really important.

[11:32]Another example about this particular point is that sometimes the wife will

[11:37]ask the husband to do something, right?

[11:38]To take on a chore, to manage something and then she doesn't

[11:42]see him efficiently multitasking and getting it done the way she would

[11:49]get it done.

[11:48]That frustrates her.

[11:50]You don't care.

[11:50]When I ask you to do something, you don't even do it

[11:57]properly.

[11:55]It may not be deliberate.

[11:58]Maybe he does care, but he's not as efficient as you are

[12:01]when it comes to multitasking.

[12:04]It's very important to know that and keep that in mind.

[12:07]What is another consequence of this ability to multitask for women compared

[12:15]to women with for women compared to men.

[12:18]Another interesting consequence here is how men and women communicate.

[12:24]Does anyone know on average how many words does a woman use

[12:33]during one day?

[12:34]Anyone knows?

[12:34]Just give me an average.

[12:38]Yes.

[12:37]10,000.

[12:39]You're You're close.

[12:42]Double that.

[12:42]20,000.

[12:43]According to studies, on average, women use 20,000 words a day.

[12:52]I know that's a lot, guys.

[12:53]What about a man?

[12:56]On average, how many words do men use?

[12:58]5,000.

[13:00]Close.

[13:02]7,000.

[13:01]So, you can see that on average, women use three times more

[13:07]words than men do.

[13:08]That's because of the way their brain has been wired, has been

[13:14]created, has been developed.

[13:16]Knowing this is important.

[13:19]How is this important?

[13:22]Can you share with us a perspective on how you can use

[13:24]this data to improve your marriage?

[13:28]So we know that men use a lot less words than women.

[13:33]How does this help you knowing this?

[13:35]Yes, brother.

[13:46]Excellent observation.

[13:49]Because men use words less.

[13:51]On average, they're more direct.

[13:53]Sometimes they just get to the point without using a lot of

[14:00]words or intros.

[13:58]Right now, the woman may think that he doesn't care.

[14:04]This is an important subject for me and we're discussing it and

[14:08]all he had is five words for me.

[14:11]That may not be the case.

[14:14]Maybe he does care, but that's just how he expresses himself.

[14:17]Whereas women on average, they use a lot more words to communicate

[14:24]their perspective, how they feel.

[14:26]They use a lot more words to get that point across.

[14:29]And they're more careful with their words.

[14:31]To them, words are important.

[14:36]Let me use the right words.

[14:37]Whereas the man, let me just get this idea across.

[14:39]You know, it's not really important what kind of words I use.

[14:43]That's a natural consequence.

[14:46]to the way our brains are set up.

[14:50]Knowing that is really helpful.

[14:54]So this is one benefit of knowing this.

[14:57]What's another benefit of knowing this?

[14:59]That women on average use more words than men.

[15:00]How can that help you have a more successful relationship in marriage?

[15:04]Yes, brother.

[15:12]That's a good point.

[15:15]Be a good listener.

[15:15]You have to listen.

[15:17]When the opposite gender is speaking, actually listen.

[15:22]Don't ignore these words.

[15:25]The wife is making the effort to speak these words.

[15:29]She's communicating these words to you.

[15:32]Don't underestimate these words.

[15:34]Actually make the effort to listen.

[15:36]So that's another benefit.

[15:40]Yes, brother.

[15:47]Okay.

[15:48]So, even though when we look at the word count, it's different,

[15:53]but when it comes to body language, it's pretty much the same.

[15:56]So, when you're dealing with a male, expect less words on average.

[16:00]However, pay attention to the body language.

[16:03]A a man can be saying a lot through body language.

[16:08]Now, it's important to know these differences, my dear brothers and sisters.

[16:12]It allows you to avoid a lot of misunderstandings.

[16:16]At least you don't take things personally.

[16:17]And for men, having known that women are different, make the effort

[16:22]to say more words.

[16:23]If you're discussing something sensitive with your wife, something important.

[16:27]Let's say she was hurt about something and you're you're trying to

[16:31]apologize, you're trying to explain what happened.

[16:34]Don't just use five words and that's it.

[16:37]be a make more of an effort to communicate your feelings to

[16:45]your spouse.

[16:43]This is very helpful.

[16:48]It means a lot for her.

[16:49]She will appreciate that.

[16:51]So when we understand these differences, we can become more effective communicators.

[16:58]There is no successful marriage without proper communication.

[17:04]My dear brothers and sisters, it's extremely important for the husband and

[17:11]the wife to always communicate with each other, communicate openly with honesty.

[17:18]Marriages that fail, you find that they lack proper communication.

[17:24]They barely talk about anything.

[17:26]If they talk about anything, they're fighting.

[17:29]or I know some couples aside from the kids and the house,

[17:35]they have nothing else to talk about.

[17:36]This will lead to a failed marriage.

[17:39]Find shared values between you and your spouse and talk about them.

[17:45]Communicate your feelings appropriately, respectfully.

[17:49]Of course, having that line of communication is extremely important, especially when

[17:58]you're upset and especially for the brothers.

[18:01]The nature of a lot of brothers, as I've observed, is that

[18:04]when there is a misunderstanding in the relationship, and the marriage, that's

[18:09]it.

[18:09]He doesn't want to talk about it now.

[18:12]Leave me alone.

[18:11]I don't want to talk about it.

[18:13]She gets upset.

[18:14]And then she says, "Well, when do you want to talk about

[18:17]it?" Every time we reach this dead end, you don't want to

[18:22]talk about it.

[18:23]So when are you going to talk about it?

[18:24]Never say to your spouse that you love, I don't want to

[18:29]talk about it.

[18:30]End of discussion.

[18:31]That communicates to your spouse that you don't care.

[18:36]And this is your marriage.

[18:38]This is your family.

[18:38]This is your life.

[18:40]This is your future.

[18:42]Even if right now you're not in the proper state to discuss

[18:47]it, tell your spouse, I prefer another time where we can go

[18:51]into details and discuss it, but okay, let's let's say a few

[18:56]words.

[18:54]She'll appreciate that.

[18:57]You will remove bitter feelings.

[19:00]So to have that attitude, I don't want to talk about it.

[19:04]Don't talk to me now.

[19:05]This is not a proper attitude and this is not an attitude

[19:10]that any believer would have.

[19:10]So realize that this is important.

[19:13]And for the sisters, the advice for you is if he does

[19:18]that, not that it's justified for him to do that.

[19:22]We said that he shouldn't, but don't take it personally.

[19:24]Just realize that's how he functions.

[19:27]Realize that he's not comfortable discussing it in those moments.

[19:32]And realize it's more difficult for a man to express his feelings.

[19:40]Women on average have an easier time expressing their feelings and emotions

[19:45]than men.

[19:45]Just understand that this is a natural difference between the genders.

[19:50]Don't take it personally.

[19:51]Don't rush to conclusions thinking that he doesn't care, he doesn't want

[19:56]to hear me, he doesn't love me.

[19:58]That may not be the case.

[20:00]Knowing this difference, therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, is extremely important.

[20:05]Another tip here about communication before you get married, let's say when

[20:12]you're in the engagement period, one big service that you can do

[20:20]to yourselves and to your marriage, is to agree on a platform

[20:25]on how to disagree and handle disputes.

[20:29]Sit together when you still have that chemistry.

[20:33]you're both in love with each other like crazy, right?

[20:38]Sit with each other and say, "Okay, look, the reality is when

[20:41]we get married, there might be days when we might disagree.

[20:45]There might be disputes.

[20:46]There might be problems.

[20:47]Let's agree right now how to resolve our disputes.

[20:51]What do we do?

[20:53]What process do we take?

[20:54]Let's say tomorrow we'll dispute about an issue.

[20:58]Let's agree right now how to approach that dispute.

[21:01]What should we do?

[21:03]Come up with a shared process together.

[21:06]This will save your marriage in the future.

[21:09]Agree on all the factors.

[21:14]How you approach it, how you start it, what you both should

[21:17]say.

[21:18]If you cannot reach an agreement, who is the arbitrator here?

[21:22]How can you end the stalemate?

[21:26]Where should you discuss that?

[21:31]even agree on that where in the house in the house in

[21:33]the in the bedroom in the kitchen in front of children not

[21:39]in front of children work these details out because a lot of

[21:41]times what I see today in marital disputes the spouses are arguing

[21:45]and yelling in front of the children and they are ruining the

[21:48]psychology of the children you need to agree before marriage that you

[21:54]won't do that have a protocol just like in a company right

[21:56]in a company when there's a dispute When there's a problem between

[22:03]the workers, when there's a problem with the customer, you see that

[22:06]each company has a protocol.

[22:07]It teaches the manager what to do.

[22:10]If you're managing a company and there is an unruly customer who's

[22:16]coming and he's causing problems.

[22:17]You've been trained for this.

[22:20]Your company has already told you, "Listen, manager, there will be days

[22:24]when there will be problems.

[22:24]This is how we want you to handle it.

[22:27]This is how you arrive at a resolution and it does work

[22:31]most of the time.

[22:32]Marriage is more important than that company that you work in.

[22:37]So you need to have some sort of resolution beforehand that if

[22:39]we get into a problem, into a fight, this is how we'll

[22:42]resolve it.

[22:43]If you do that, my dear brothers and sisters, chances are you

[22:46]will stick to what you agreed to.

[22:49]At least you're more motivated to solve the problem efficiently.

[22:55]So, it's important before you get married to have some sort of

[23:03]structure, platform, protocol to handle disputes.

[23:04]Work on the details and write it down.

[23:09]You have a copy.

[23:11]Let your spouse have a copy.

[23:13]If tomorrow, God forbid, there's a misunderstanding, you can always go back

[23:18]to what you agreed to and you'll have a sense of how

[23:20]to move forward, what the next step would be.

[23:24]This is extremely important my dear brothers and sisters.

[23:28]So knowing the opposite gender and how they function is extremely important.

[23:33]Another difference between men and women which is interesting is how they

[23:40]both express anger.

[23:41]Let me ask you right now someone may think you know we're

[23:46]just stereotyping here.

[23:46]We're not saying this applies to everyone but this is based on

[23:54]research.

[23:52]Let me ask you this scenario.

[23:55]If you were to see a scene of someone, you can't tell

[24:00]what their gender is, right?

[24:00]If you were to see someone raging and grabbing an object and

[24:06]smashing it on the wall, who's more likely to do that, men

[24:10]or women?

[24:11]Okay, if you think women are more likely to do that, raise

[24:18]your hands.

[24:16]Okay, I see a few hands.

[24:20]If you think men are more more likely to do that, raise

[24:23]your hands.

[24:25]Okay, overwhelmingly you think that men would do that more.

[24:27]And that is right.

[24:29]That is based on research.

[24:31]When men get angry, they react more aggressively.

[24:36]Now, what are the causes?

[24:39]We don't always know.

[24:39]Is this does this have a biological component?

[24:42]The hormones that they have, is it because of how they've been

[24:46]socialized?

[24:47]It could have a number of factors, but at the end of

[24:53]the day, we know that men react more aggressively when they get

[24:58]angry.

[24:56]It's helpful to know this.

[24:59]It's helpful for women to know this so that sometimes when they

[25:05]see the husband raging like that, they don't take it personally.

[25:09]Because many times the wife will think that he's aiming all that

[25:15]hatred at her and he's releasing his anger to bring her down

[25:18]and he doesn't love her anymore.

[25:19]That may not be the case.

[25:23]Men are just more aggressive and ex in expressing their anger.

[25:27]Knowing that helps you cope with such moments better.

[25:32]It reduces feelings of bitterness.

[25:34]And for men, it's never justified to react that way.

[25:40]One day, the prophet sallallahu alaihi passed by a group of companions

[25:45]and they were surrounding like this hero, this star.

[25:48]All the spotlight was was on this person.

[25:52]So the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasall asked him, "Who's this guy?

[25:56]What is he doing here?" They told him, "Yeah, Allah, he's a

[25:59]tough, strong man, muscular, strong, and we're we're seeing him." Maybe he

[26:07]was demonstrating something to them.

[26:08]The prophet sallallahu alaihi took advantage of that moment to educate his

[26:14]companions.

[26:14]He told them, "I'll tell you who the kawi is, who the

[26:21]strong person is." The strong person is the one when consumed with

[26:25]anger and rage, he holds back his anger.

[26:29]He suppresses his anger.

[26:30]That's a strong human being.

[26:33]So men also should understand that it's not okay for you to

[26:37]be aggressive when you get angry.

[26:39]In fact, some men have been socialized to think that this is

[26:45]the masculine way of handling yourself.

[26:46]You have to act tough.

[26:48]You have to yell so you keep your wife in check.

[26:52]I've heard this from some people, believe me.

[26:54]They take this as a life philosophy.

[26:56]They think that this is the way they need to run their

[27:01]house.

[27:02]Be aggressive.

[27:00]Be a man.

[27:02]I'm the man.

[27:04]I told once a brother, there was some, you know, beef in

[27:07]the marriage.

[27:08]So I told him, "What's going on?

[27:11]Why are you acting like that?

[27:12]You know, this is not wrong.

[27:13]This is not right.

[27:15]You know what he said?

[27:16]Say it.

[27:16]I have to show her who's man.

[27:19]I have to show her who's the man.

[27:23]So I'm like, the only reason why you reacted widely like that

[27:25]is just to show her who the man is.

[27:27]Like, yeah, she needs to know who the man is.

[27:30]I told him, whose teachings are you following?

[27:33]Show me a religion that says this is okay.

[27:37]Show me a psychologist who says this is okay.

[27:41]Who are you following?

[27:41]Who's giving you advice on your life?

[27:42]Who's your life coach?

[27:46]Can I know?

[27:46]So unfortunately sometimes men thinks it's they they think it's cool.

[27:53]It's masculine to be aggressive, but that's not the case.

[28:00]Masculinity doesn't mean that you're aggressive.

[28:01]Through your patience and strength and wisdom, you can show her who

[28:07]the man is, not through your aggressive behavior.

[28:10]So it's important for both sides to know these gender differences when

[28:15]it comes to you know expressing anger and expressing emotions altogether expressing

[28:22]the emotion of love.

[28:24]You have to know how the opposite gender expresses their feelings and

[28:31]emotions.

[28:32]Usually for women they attach more weight to words.

[28:34]It's important for them to hear loving words from their spouse.

[28:40]It assures them.

[28:39]Sometimes some men go by weeks not saying a loving word to

[28:45]their wife.

[28:46]But I do know they love their wife.

[28:47]I do know that for sure.

[28:48]So I asked the person, "Well, why don't you say something to

[28:52]her?

[28:52]Why don't you just assure her that you love her and you

[28:54]appreciate her?" I get different responses, but some responses, it's just difficult

[28:59]for me.

[29:01]I do love her, but just because I don't say that often,

[29:06]it doesn't mean I don't love her.

[29:07]Now, it's important for her to know that.

[29:09]Know that on average, men have a greater difficulty expressing their love

[29:15]and their emotions.

[29:17]Don't take that as a sign that he doesn't love you.

[29:21]That's not the case.

[29:22]Now, when you ask this person, I've asked them, by the way,

[29:27]okay, so you're not saying these loving, assuring words.

[29:28]So, how are you showing her that you love her?

[29:32]Say it.

[29:33]I work 10 hours a day.

[29:33]That's my way of expressing my love for her.

[29:38]How come she doesn't see that?

[29:41]See, he does love her.

[29:43]But there's a misunderstanding here in understanding how that love is being

[29:48]communicated.

[29:49]For the man, maybe it's through his work or through some of

[29:52]the actions through those he's communicating his love for his spouse.

[29:55]Whereas the wife needs to hear that.

[29:57]Don't be stingy with your words.

[30:00]Okay, mashallah, 10 hours a day you're expressing that love for her

[30:07]through your sacrifice, through your hard work.

[30:08]May Allah bless you for that.

[30:11]But what's going to happen if you come back home and you

[30:13]just say a loving word to your spouse, a word of appreciation.

[30:18]What are you going to lose?

[30:20]Just know that it's important for her to hear that from you.

[30:25]We understand that this is your way of expressing your love for

[30:29]the family more so through your actions, but also understand that she

[30:35]needs to hear those words of assurance.

[30:37]It makes a difference.

[30:38]If she's had a long, rough, difficult day for you to just

[30:44]say five words of support, psychological support, loving words, she appreciates that

[30:49]and her entire mood will change.

[30:52]It's simple methods like that that you can change the atmosphere and

[30:58]the attitude in the house.

[30:58]So that's extremely important to know my dear brothers and sisters.

[31:04]Here's another interesting difference and I would like your input on this

[31:08]as to why we have this difference.

[31:10]Okay.

[31:11]So on average, who lies more, men or women?

[31:15]If you think women lie more, raise your hands.

[31:20]Oo, I see a lot of hands.

[31:23]Okay, if you think men lie more, raise your hands.

[31:28]Okay, it looks pretty equal.

[31:32]More more brothers believe women lie more, whereas more sisters believe men

[31:40]lie more.

[31:39]Interesting.

[31:40]Okay.

[31:41]What does science say?

[31:43]I got your opinion now.

[31:43]What does science say?

[31:48]So yes, the sisters, you got it right this time.

[31:52]Science says that on average men lie more.

[31:56]So this one scientific study, just to give you an idea, this

[31:59]one scientific study revealed that on average women lie twice a day.

[32:06]I think they forgot to put a zero after the number two.

[32:12]So that study revealed that on average women They lie twice a

[32:20]day.

[32:21]On average, men lie three times a day.

[32:23]Can someone who's good with data analysis tell us why that could

[32:29]be the case?

[32:28]Why is it that on average men lie more?

[32:33]The researchers were women.

[32:36]Okay, that could explain it.

[32:38]Any other thoughts?

[32:38]Yes, brother.

[32:47]to prevent making issues.

[32:50]Okay.

[32:51]So maybe one way, of course it's not an ethical way, but

[32:53]one way that men try to avoid problems or maybe confrontations is

[33:01]just to lie.

[32:59]That could be one reason why men lie more than women.

[33:04]So just to avoid problems.

[33:05]Okay.

[33:06]Any other thoughts?

[33:08]Why do you think men lie more than women on average?

[33:10]Yes, sister.

[33:14][Laughter] Maybe because they use only one side of their brain.

[33:19]Okay.

[33:20]So they use they use both sides but they use the left

[33:26]side more.

[33:24]So because they use one side more that somehow lets them lie

[33:30]more.

[33:31]Okay.

[33:31]Interesting.

[33:31]Maybe there's some scientific basis behind that.

[33:35]I don't know.

[33:35]Any other thoughts?

[33:36]Yes brother.

[33:42]So men face more issues especially outside of the house.

[33:47]So there is a they feel there is a greater need to

[33:51]lie to navigate their way possibly.

[33:55]Yes brother.

[33:53]What do you say?

[33:59]So men score higher on pride and ego.

[34:14]So can we say that possibly men lie more to protect their

[34:21]ego?

[34:20]Okay.

[34:20]So that could be one psychological analysis that the brother is saying

[34:27]that based on certain tests basically men have higher levels of pride

[34:32]and ego.

[34:33]And so to protect that ego, sometimes you will lie and that

[34:37]could explain why there is a difference.

[34:39]Yes, brother.

[34:48]Okay, that was a very straight way of saying it.

[34:53]Basically the same idea, not to look weak.

[34:56]The the basic idea of what he said is not to look

[35:00]weak in front of the opposite gender.

[35:02]That could be one reason why men would lie more.

[35:09]So how does this help me to know going into a marriage

[35:13]relationship now that I know this?

[35:15]How is this helpful to you in any way?

[35:17]Remember, no one's justifying lying.

[35:20]In the religion of Islam, lying is a major sin.

[35:25]Not an average sin, a major sin.

[35:27]Lying is haram.

[35:27]The only exceptions are if you're protecting someone's life or you're really

[35:32]protecting someone's dignity that you know is being violated.

[35:37]There are these exceptions in our Islamic law.

[35:40]But lying is haram.

[35:40]And some people have the habit of lying.

[35:42]And my dear brothers and sisters, when you just as a side

[35:48]note, when you consider these sins that we do every day, just

[35:51]remember how they add up.

[35:54]Have you seen a snowflake?

[35:59]Right?

[35:59]If you like snow and you've played with snow, we got the

[36:03]nice snow yesterday.

[36:03]Have you seen a snowflake?

[36:05]How fragile and small it is?

[36:09]In fact, when a snowflake lands on your warm body, what happens

[36:14]to it within seconds?

[36:16]It evaporates.

[36:18]It melts and evaporates.

[36:20]You can't even see it a few seconds later.

[36:22]That's how fragile a snowflake is.

[36:28]But once millions of these snowflakes combine, what can they do?

[36:33]They can shut down an entire state.

[36:35]You see how small things combining and adding up, they can do

[36:39]destructive damage.

[36:41]They have a powerful force.

[36:43]This is the example that Prophet Muhammad sai This is the example

[36:53]that he gives us with sins.

[36:55]The prophet says these small sins which you belittle they actually gather.

[37:02]They accumulate and they can destroy you and destroy others.

[37:06]Imagine if you're 50 years old.

[37:09]And let's say you've committed a sin only per day.

[37:14]You have to be almost angelic to spend 24 hours and just

[37:20]sin once.

[37:21]Let me just say that, right?

[37:22]Sinning once a day, that's something not achievable for most of us.

[37:28]But imagine you've sinned once a day and you're 50 years old.

[37:33]How many days do we have in 50 years?

[37:37]Who can do the math for us quickly?

[37:38]50 times 365 is how much?

[37:42]18,200 something.

[37:45]My dear brothers and sisters, if I've sinned one sin per day,

[37:51]I have and I'm 50 only, right?

[37:53]Okay, let's say 60.

[37:54]Those first 10 years without put them to the side.

[37:58]You have to meet Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala with 18,000 violations.

[38:06]How do you feel about that?

[38:08]Allah, the one who created you, the one who blessed you, he

[38:12]gave you all these resources and has been so good to you

[38:18]and you meet him with 18,000 sins.

[38:20]Just imagine your state on the day of judgment standing before Allah

[38:27]before before the ims of yes there is repentance Allah forgives if

[38:32]you truly repent Allah washes them away but many times we even

[38:36]forget we're sinning left and right we honestly forget to repent so

[38:40]lying is not justified no doubt about that but knowing this fact

[38:48]that men lie more than women how can this you know, be

[38:53]beneficial for you in the marital relationship.

[38:56]Any any suggestions?

[38:58]Yes, brother.

[39:05]Don't lose the trust.

[39:09]Okay?

[39:10]So, don't be too hard on the husband if he if you

[39:14]see him lying more.

[39:16]Don't take it personally.

[39:16]realize part of that is just you know the nature of a

[39:21]man on average they do lie more don't take it personally and

[39:24]say okay I should never trust him anymore he's deliberately lying because

[39:28]he you know wants to bring me down he wants to ru

[39:34]ruin my life that may not be the case so knowing that

[39:41]does help to an extent yes brother Okay, that's a great suggestion

[39:52]knowing this fact that on average people of course those people that

[39:55]were sampled I mean I don't know their religious background but on

[39:59]average on average people lie at least two three times a day

[40:02]that that can be accurate for most people.

[40:04]So before you get married, just agree.

[40:09]Listen, we're human beings.

[40:10]We're trying our best, but you know, there will be days that

[40:15]we will probably lie.

[40:15]That won't happen.

[40:17]But if it does happen, then at least if you found yourself

[40:22]flying later that day, just come peacefully, admit it, and let's work

[40:27]on things.

[40:29]That's a great way to always keep the trust in the marriage.

[40:32]Because here's what happens sometimes, my dear brothers and sisters, in the

[40:36]heat of the moment, right?

[40:38]You don't exactly know what to respond or what to do.

[40:40]So, you lie.

[40:42]So, initially, you don't really have the intention to lie.

[40:43]You just don't know what to say.

[40:45]You don't have enough time to think about a strategy to fix

[40:51]the situation.

[40:50]So, we resort to lying.

[40:52]And then our ego and pride kick in.

[40:55]We start defending that lie and we start even believing in that

[40:58]lie.

[41:01]So just tell each other, look, we're not infallible.

[41:04]There are days we might lie.

[41:07]If we lie, at least let's fix it.

[41:12]It's okay.

[41:10]In fact, my dear brothers and sisters, when you admit to something,

[41:16]many times, many times, the person that you're dealing with will love

[41:22]you more and respect you more.

[41:24]I will share with you an incident that happened in front of

[41:28]me years ago.

[41:29]I was visiting another community in another country and a very dear

[41:34]brother who's really dear to me and I've known him more than

[41:35]10 years.

[41:39]We were having lunch together and as we were having lunch he

[41:45]was seeking some advice from me and he asked me this question.

[41:47]He told me say about 10 years ago I was living in

[41:52]another country.

[41:52]One day as I was pulling out from the parking lot, I

[41:56]don't know, a a masjid maybe or some other place, I did

[42:02]accidentally crash into a car there.

[42:06]It wasn't severe, but I did some damage.

[42:07]Now, I got scared.

[42:09]You know, I was younger back then.

[42:12]Maybe he was 20 at the time, 20, 22, 23.

[42:16]I got scared.

[42:18]So, I just left without going back to leave a note to

[42:20]figure out who the owner of the car is.

[42:23]10 years have passed and honestly it's bugging me and I got

[42:28]away with it.

[42:29]It's bugging me.

[42:29]I caused damage to that person.

[42:32]I don't know what to do.

[42:36]Ramadan is coming up, you know, soon and I really want Allah

[42:39]to forgive me for this.

[42:42]What do I do?

[42:42]Say, tell me, please.

[42:44]I can't call him and tell him because he he'll lose respect

[42:47]for me because that person the owner of that car has a

[42:52]lot of respect for me if I call him 10 years later

[42:54]and I tell him I did that to your car.

[42:56]No, that's not good.

[42:59]So he asked me for my advice.

[43:02]I told him, "Do you really want my advice?" My advice, call

[43:05]him right now and tell him that you did that and ask

[43:11]him for forgiveness.

[43:10]I guarantee you he will respect you more.

[43:14]If he didn't come after me, blame me.

[43:18]I'm I'm that confident.

[43:19]He was really hesitant.

[43:21]Really hesitant.

[43:22]Now, maybe for some of us it's not a big deal.

[43:26]Who cares?

[43:25]Something happened 10 years ago.

[43:28]But true believers won't sleep unless they settle everything with everyone, my

[43:32]dear brothers and sisters.

[43:33]And it's better to sell it.

[43:34]Settle it in this world before you have to settle it on

[43:38]the day of judgment.

[43:38]Because on the day of judgment, you need every piece of good

[43:42]deed that you have with you.

[43:46]On that day of judgment, if there are unsettled issues with others,

[43:50]they will come after your deeds until the hadith states all of

[43:54]your deeds finish.

[43:55]So a person comes to you and he tells you in the

[43:58]world, you oppressed me.

[44:00]You violated me.

[44:00]You did not give me back my right.

[44:01]Ya Allah, give me some of your good deeds.

[44:03]You say, well, I don't have any good deeds anymore.

[44:09]They're all taken.

[44:07]He says, "Okay, take my sins.

[44:11]Here's a bagload of sins, so to speak.

[44:13]Here, you take the burden." And you have to do that because

[44:18]you did not settle it in dunya and you never really repented.

[44:20]So, it's important to settle these issues, my dear brothers and sisters,

[44:24]even if it's something small.

[44:27]So, he found the courage.

[44:30]He called that person.

[44:30]He called him salamlaykum.

[44:33]We haven't spoken in a while.

[44:34]You know, five minutes.

[44:34]He basically broke the ice.

[44:35]And then he told him, he's like, "Look, I have a confession

[44:40]to make." Over 10 years ago on that day, remember when your

[44:42]car was hit?

[44:44]He thought for a moment, it's not something you forget, right?

[44:47]He's like, "Yeah, I remember.

[44:48]Why?

[44:49]What happened?" He's like, "Well, I have a confession to make.

[44:54]I'm the one who did that to your car and I feel

[45:01]terrible.

[45:00]I just did not know how to confront you.

[45:02]I didn't ignore it out of my negligence.

[45:05]I just did not have the courage to come and tell you.

[45:08]But now I want you to forgive me.

[45:10]And I'm willing to do anything.

[45:12]I'm willing to do anything.

[45:13]You tell me.

[45:14]How much did you spend on the car to fix it?

[45:17]I'll I'll wire it to you right now.

[45:18]I'll even double it, triple it until you're satisfied.

[45:23]Tell me how I can satisfy you.

[45:23]And I saw him.

[45:24]He did it in front of me.

[45:28]He really struggled.

[45:26]He he even teared up after the conversation was done for several

[45:32]minutes this brother was crying.

[45:33]He couldn't hold back his tears.

[45:37]I told him what happened.

[45:38]He's like say that person told me look I had a lot

[45:43]of respect for you.

[45:42]I did see you in a high regard but after what you

[45:47]did right now I see you 10 times higher than I would

[45:49]see you before.

[45:51]Because not anyone has the courage to do that after 10 years.

[45:55]This shows me you truly care about the law of Allah and

[45:58]you're a true brother.

[46:01]I don't ask anything from you.

[46:03]It's okay.

[46:05]I've taken care of it.

[46:05]But I do have more respect for you.

[46:09]It's not easy to admit one's mistakes, my dear brothers and sisters.

[46:14]But once you do, Allah appreciates it.

[46:16]Others appreciate it.

[46:19]So if there's a misunderstanding with the spouse, you've lied or you've

[46:25]done something, it's okay.

[46:25]admit it.

[46:25]Take responsibility for the m mistake that you've done.

[46:30]Your spouse will appreciate it.

[46:31]That's something very important in the marriage, my dear brothers and sisters.

[46:36]Now, before we briefly touch upon two or three other points, I

[46:41]would like to hear some responses from you, some thoughts and reflections

[46:48]from you.

[46:47]Who here in our hall tonight is married?

[46:50]Can you raise your hand if you're married?

[46:52]Okay.

[46:53]So we have a few hands here.

[46:55]I want to ask you a question.

[46:58]Regardless of how your marriage is right now, let's say you have

[47:02]a very successful marriage or let's say you have a marriage that's

[47:06]struggling a little bit.

[47:06]Regardless of that, even if you have an excellent marriage now, alhamdulillah.

[47:11]If there is something you wish you knew before you got married,

[47:15]what would it be?

[47:16]Can I hear from those who are married tonight?

[47:18]Because look, sometimes you just want advice from people who are married

[47:21]now.

[47:22]Those of you who are married, if there's one thing that you

[47:26]could go back in time and know it, what would it be?

[47:29]As I said, this is even if your marriage is a good

[47:34]marriage, like you wish you knew this earlier.

[47:36]Is there something that you can share with us?

[47:39]Yes, sister.

[47:58]So early on when they're young, teach them, take them to good

[48:05]places, you know, be more committed to their religious education.

[48:07]Okay.

[48:08]So if you can go back in time, that's something that you

[48:11]would definitely be more concerned about.

[48:14]Any other reflections?

[48:16]Yes, sister.

[48:23]Okay.

[48:24]So know the roles, the responsibilities and the rights in the marriage.

[48:29]Islamically know what your rights are.

[48:30]That in itself is a separate discussion.

[48:32]You know maybe one day inshallah we can discuss that what are

[48:35]the rights in a marriage.

[48:37]the rights of a wife, the rights of a husband Islamically because

[48:40]the Quran and the hadith, they do basically speak about many of

[48:45]these rights.

[48:46]So if you could go back in time, you wish you would

[48:50]know these rights so you can better implement them.

[48:51]Any other thoughts, brothers?

[48:54]Can we hear a suggestion from you?

[48:56]Those of you who are married, if you can go back in

[48:58]time and know one thing, what would it be?

[49:00]Or do something differently, what would it be?

[49:03]Because now that you're married and you know how the marit marital

[49:07]life works, what is something you would learn or you do if

[49:12]you can go back in time?

[49:14]Can can one of the brothers share with us something?

[49:18]Is there something that you discovered as life went on?

[49:22]Yes, brother.

[49:26]Okay.

[49:27]So, communication is everything.

[49:28]and love.

[49:29]And learn to love what?

[49:35]Okay.

[49:36]Learn learn to love everything about your spouse.

[49:40]Even if there's something that you don't really understand, show that love

[49:46]because you care about this person.

[49:47]And that's that's very good advice, my dear brothers and sisters.

[49:51]Marriage, and this is a very important tip, is a team.

[49:57]It's teamwork.

[49:56]Always see your marital life as one team.

[50:03]Because many times what happens between husbands and wife, they get caught

[50:07]up into this negative thought process that it's me versus him, me

[50:14]versus her.

[50:16]That's destructive to the marriage.

[50:17]You're one team.

[50:19]So appreciate everything about your spouse.

[50:22]Even if something you don't really understand, it's okay.

[50:26]Try to be understanding.

[50:27]Try to be loving.

[50:28]Running marriage as one team ensures the success of this marriage.

[50:34]My dear brothers and sisters, I'll give you an example and we

[50:38]pretty much covered a variation of it last week.

[50:42]If right now you work at a company and you're working on

[50:44]a team as a team.

[50:48]Now let's say the CEO of the company comes to you and

[50:50]let's say you're managing the team or you're one of the team

[50:56]members.

[50:55]The CEO tells you, "Listen, I know there are some problems in

[51:00]the team, some tension, some competition, jealousy, whatever it is.

[51:04]I know there are issues on this team, but here's the deal.

[51:11]I'll give you a check of a million dollars.

[51:12]If you make this team successful and you make sure the project

[51:18]gets done, I'll give you a million dollar bonus." What are you

[51:21]willing to do for a million dollars?

[51:24]On average, you think the person getting the million, is he going

[51:29]to make the team successful or not?

[51:31]How?

[51:32]But I I thought there were problems on the team.

[51:34]How' you How'd you fix them?

[51:37]How did you fix those problems?

[51:40]See, there was a problem in the team.

[51:42]Some members of the team were not getting along.

[51:43]There was tension.

[51:44]There were issues.

[51:46]So, it was failing.

[51:48]But when your CEO gave you $10 million or a million dollars

[51:54]and all he asked you is make this team successful and you

[51:57]did make it successful, what did you do?

[51:59]Did you have like a magic spell?

[52:02]What did you do?

[52:03]How did you make it successful?

[52:04]Yes, brother.

[52:07]You make more effort to work on the solution.

[52:11]You spend more time trying to fix it.

[52:15]Why?

[52:15]Because you have a huge incentive.

[52:16]$10 million.

[52:18]Even if I don't sleep for the next month properly, it's worth

[52:22]it.

[52:23]I'm getting $10 million.

[52:26]So what?

[52:24]Even if I compromise, even if I let some other team members

[52:29]get their way, but let's make it work.

[52:31]You'll do it for $10 million, right?

[52:36]My dear brothers and sisters, honestly, honestly, tell me which is more

[52:38]important.

[52:39]$10 million, this amount of money that evaporates that's temporary or the

[52:47]well-being of your family and your future till the day of judgment.

[52:51]Which is really more important when you think of your future, the

[52:56]example you're giving to your children and what you're preparing for the

[53:01]is a million dollars more important or a successful family that you

[53:07]give to society, a successful family that you create for your children,

[53:12]which is more important and valuable in the eyes of Allah subhanahu

[53:16]wa ta'ala.

[53:17]And if you're ever confused, because my dear brothers and sisters, this

[53:22]is not an easy comparison to make.

[53:24]We live in a materialistic era society.

[53:26]But whenever you're confused, I'll give you the compass.

[53:29]We've talked about it before.

[53:31]Imagine imagine if you're told theoretically you were told you have one

[53:34]month to live and then you are given two options to choose

[53:39]from.

[53:41]Here's $10 million or here's a good family that you leave behind.

[53:47]Honestly, which one would you choose?

[53:50]Who would choose the $10 million?

[53:53]What are you going to do with 10 million the next month?

[53:55]Even if it's a billion dollars, what are you going to do

[54:00]with it?

[54:00]Most of you will definitely choose the family.

[54:03]Like, no.

[54:04]If I have to choose between one of these two, I want

[54:09]a good legacy, a good family to leave behind.

[54:10]That's how you know this is more important.

[54:12]Now my dear brothers and sisters, it may not be now.

[54:16]It may not be 10 years from now, but we have to

[54:17]leave.

[54:19]Sooner or later, we're leaving this earth.

[54:22]We're leaving this life.

[54:26]So choose that which is more important.

[54:27]When you think of your legacy and future and your family like

[54:34]that, believe me, you'll make this teamwork work.

[54:36]You'll make this team efficient.

[54:40]Doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong.

[54:41]You're like, I'm going to make it work at the end of

[54:44]the day because this is important to me.

[54:46]This is more important than my career, more important than every aspect

[54:50]of my life.

[54:51]This is my family.

[54:51]This is my spiritual future.

[54:53]This is my family future.

[54:56]This is the future of my children.

[54:58]It's worth it.

[54:58]It's definitely worth it.

[55:01]So that teamwork, my dear brothers and sisters, is extremely important when

[55:08]it comes to ensuring a wonderful marital relationship.

[55:14]I know there are many tips to share with you my dear

[55:18]brothers and sisters.

[55:19]Being forgiving, not bringing up the past too much, sacrificing, these are

[55:26]all this is all great advice.

[55:28]Or as one hadith puts it, one hadith from Al Muhammad Albakam

[55:38]states, twothirds of a successful marriage is what does mean?

[55:43]Anyone who knows Arabic, what does mean overlook?

[55:50]Means overlook, not ignore.

[55:54]I would not use the word ignore.

[55:55]The word ignore has a negative connotation like you don't care.

[56:00]Means overlook.

[56:02]Twothirds of marriage is overlooking.

[56:03]Yeah, but she she said that comment.

[56:06]Okay.

[56:07]We love each other.

[56:10]It's fine.

[56:09]Overlook it.

[56:11]But he did that.

[56:11]Overlook it.

[56:13]Twothirds of a successful marriage is when both spouses overlook the shortcomings

[56:20]of the other side.

[56:22]And to lower your expectations.

[56:25]My dear brothers and sisters, you really want to have the best

[56:30]marriage possible relatively, enter marriage without any expectations from the other side.

[56:37]I know this is almost impossible to do, but it's possible.

[56:41]Don't enter with any expectations from the other side.

[56:47]The only expectations you enter the marriage with is you.

[56:52]What you're going to do, how committed you will be.

[56:54]Believe me, if both spouses enter the marital relationship with this attitude,

[56:57]they'll have the best marriage.

[56:59]And that's one of the qualities of a mmin of a believer

[57:05]that you don't have expectations from other people.

[57:07]Some people feel they're kings.

[57:10]They're always issuing commands.

[57:13]You have to follow my command.

[57:14]I have all these expectations from you.

[57:17]And when those expectations are not met, you get frustrated.

[57:20]There is rage.

[57:22]There is anger, abuse.

[57:23]sometimes even occurs in the marriage and the marriage fails.

[57:27]Don't have expectations.

[57:28]Your spouse did good.

[57:31]Encourage them.

[57:30]Thank them.

[57:32]They're doing something, you know, that should not be done.

[57:37]Find creative ways, you know, maybe to give them guidance appropriately in

[57:42]a humble way.

[57:42]But don't have expectations.

[57:44]That's a very important trick and tip to a successful marriage.

[57:51]I know this is difficult to achieve but it's possible and that

[57:56]is why lady fatam one of her philosophies in life was that

[58:00]I don't burden my husband with anything such that I imam one

[58:07]day he told her why didn't you tell me there's something that

[58:12]you needed for three days why didn't you tell me she told

[58:16]me she she told me my father.

[58:20]The day I came to your house, he told me, "Fat, don't

[58:25]burden Ali with anything." And we know how much the prophet loved

[58:30]his daughter.

[58:30]Don't burden him with anything.

[58:33]I don't want to burden you.

[58:35]Look at that beautiful philosophy here.

[58:38]That was the most beautiful marriage.

[58:40]And hence imbal states I swear by Allah subhana wa ta'ala never

[58:49]once in my life did I anger her and not once in

[58:54]her life did she anger me.

[58:57]You is this possible today my dear brothers and sisters?

[59:01]What do you think?

[59:03]Is this possible for you to live 60 years together and not

[59:06]anger each other once?

[59:08]Is that possible?

[59:10]No.

[59:11]If you think no, raise your hand.

[59:15]If you think yes, raise your hand.

[59:18]Okay, I'll share with you and we'll we'll conclude with this story.

[59:23]I'll share with you my personal story.

[59:27]A few years ago, we went to visit Alajuhammed.

[59:29]Who knows Muhammad?

[59:31]He was truly a leader and a pillar in our community.

[59:34]His wife had passed away.

[59:38]So I went with my father to offer him condolences.

[59:40]He he he passed away probably two years after her.

[59:44]He did not stay for long.

[59:46]May Allah bless them both.

[59:50]So when when I went to my with my father to offer

[59:52]condolences, you know, basically we asked him about any advice, you know,

[59:58]he's been married, he had been married for more than 60 years.

[60:03]tell us about your your life, your marital life, anything nice about

[60:07]the maruma that you'd like to share with us.

[60:10]He said, "We lived with each other for more than 60 years.

[60:15]Not once ever in those during those 60 years did she anger

[60:23]me." We're talking about this century, not 14 centuries ago.

[60:26]We're talking about people who are not Masumin, who are not infallible.

[60:29]It's possible, my dear brothers and sisters.

[60:32]Don't think this is not possible.

[60:34]He attested.

[60:35]He says, "Allah is my witness.

[60:37]Ask my kids.

[60:39]I lived with her for more than 60 years.

[60:43]Not once during those 60 years did she anger Allah." We have

[60:46]people like that today.

[60:49]My dear brothers and sisters, it's possible.

[60:52]You can reach that state.

[60:53]Work on yourself.

[60:55]Develop the self.

[60:58]Be close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[60:58]Allahhana ta will inspire you with that love with that compassion.

[61:05]My dear brothers and sisters one one final point I'd like to

[61:12]share with you my dear brothers and sisters because marriage depends really

[61:16]on how much we refine ourselves and prepare ourselves.

[61:22]It's very important to go through some type of mentorship on a

[61:27]personal level.

[61:28]And I would like to announce to you my dear brothers and

[61:32]sisters that alhamdulillah there are many opportunities in our community for mentorship.

[61:37]One such great program that I recommend you to truly consider is

[61:43]the one that our dear brother Hajaman Bezi has.

[61:48]He has a mentorship program.

[61:48]Uh you know he has life coaches with him.

[61:52]Some of our dear brothers like uh our dear uh brother Basil

[61:55]who's with us here tonight.

[61:56]You can ask him for more information about that.

[62:01]Brother Ali Abu, he's also with them.

[62:04]I highly recommend that you approach them and see what kind of

[62:08]uh program they have for you, what kind of mentorship they can

[62:14]offer you.

[62:13]Because if you go through a successful mentorship program before you get

[62:18]married, chances are you will have a successful marriage inshallah.

[62:24]It's very important for us to change our perspective on life and

[62:29]such opportunities are really helpful.

[62:31]My dear brothers and sisters, thank you so much for participating in

[62:33]our program tonight.

[62:34]Thank you for your participation and for the observations and comments that

[62:39]you shared with us.

[62:41]We ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to bless you all to bless

[62:44]your families.

[62:45]For those of you who are married, your marriage will be more

[62:48]blessed.

[62:49]And for those of you who inshallah will get married in the

[62:52]future, I ask Allah subhanana wa ta'ala to grant you the best

[62:57]marital life.

[62:57]Inshallah, you can make it happen my dear brothers and sisters.

[63:02]So make it happen inshallah.

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What Does a Successful Marriage Look Like? | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

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What Does a Successful Marriage Look Like? | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

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