What Conditions Can I Put in Marriage? - Sayed Mohamed Baqir Qazwini

14 المشاهدات· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
مشتركين

في محاضرات

What Conditions Can I Put in Marriage?
Commemorating the Martyrdom of Fatima alZahra (AS) - Sayed Mohamed Baqir Qazwini
at the Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo 2021

أظهر المزيد

Transcript

[0:15][Music] i begin in the name of the almighty god the compassionate

[0:21]the merciful the one who has created everything in utmost perfection and

[0:27]may the peace and blessings of the almighty god be upon his

[0:32]pure and beloved messenger the peak of his creation the symbol of

[0:40]humanity the holy prophet muhammad upon them especially the leader of our

[0:58]time the awaited savior al-imam al-mu may allah hasten his reappearance and

[1:03]make us all amongst the sincere and dedicated servants respected brothers and

[1:11]sisters assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi i extend to you my sincerest condolences on

[1:18]the martyrdom of lady fatima to zahara as according to a number

[1:26]of traditions she was martyred 40 days after the departure of her

[1:33]beloved father rasulullah and the 40 days coincide with these days we

[1:38]ask allah wa ta'ala to grant us her shafa her intercession and

[1:45]to illuminate our hearts and minds with her light for she is

[1:52]the zahra the one who shines with the light of allah subhanahu

[1:56]wa ta'ala allah subhanahu ta'ala states in surah nisa verse 19 bismillah

[2:15][Music] in this blessed verse in surah nisa allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[2:29]is highlighting a very important aspect of our marital life in this

[2:41]verse talks about marital disputes a problem between the husband and the

[2:46]wife allah here issues a command allah the one who created me

[2:53]and the one who made it lawful to me to establish a

[3:00]marital and family life is issuing a command here allah is speaking

[3:04]to the men in this verse and allah is saying to them

[3:12]live with your wives decently a good life a pleasant life if

[3:24]you come to develop hatred towards your spouse vasa and perhaps it

[3:36]is the case that you hate something you have developed hatred towards

[3:41]something but allah has put in it great blessings allah has put

[3:48]a lot of goodness in it this is a verse in the

[3:54]holy quran that commands us to live decently with one another in

[3:58]our family life today my dear brothers and sisters one of the

[4:04]challenges that we are experiencing in many of our communities based on

[4:08]my personal experience with many people who go through counseling who go

[4:14]through marital and family problems you find that many of them try

[4:19]to go by the letter of the law while ignoring the spirit

[4:26]of the holy quran in islam and specifically this verse verse 19

[4:34]of surat nisa you find the husband saying the following islam has

[4:40]obligated me to bring food to the table i'm working i'm making

[4:46]money that's it i don't have any other obligation every night i

[4:50]can go to a sahara i can have a good time with

[4:55]my friend where does islam ban me from doing that allah says

[4:57]you have to take care of the expenses i don't need to

[5:02]spend too much time at home every day i want to go

[5:06]with my friends with my family i want to go on a

[5:11]vacation with my friends i know some husbands barely give any time

[5:15]to their wives and children every weekend they're out on a trip

[5:21]up north hunting deer during the fall season and the winter they

[5:27]go ice fishing canoeing kayaking in the summer they enjoy their time

[5:33]with their friends but they never take the initiative to take their

[5:38]families with them to plan with their families one frustrated wife told

[5:42]me whenever i bring it up with him he tells me allah

[5:45]plan tell me where you want to go i tell him habibi

[5:49]you take the initiative just like you show excitement with your friends

[5:52]and you plan where you're going to go and you plan the

[5:55]activities i want you once in your life to do that with

[5:58]me with your kids when we go out we feel like we're

[6:01]dragging you when i talk to him say it it's not my

[6:05]obligation i'm bringing food to the table i'm giving them clothing and

[6:12]shelter they go by the letter of the law and then sometimes

[6:15]when you speak to some wives on the other side of the

[6:17]spectrum the husband complains that i'm working hard i'm sacrificing she's in

[6:25]a different world either she's with her friends all the time she's

[6:30]on social media all the time she's not taking care of the

[6:34]house of the children you know she cooks once a month so

[6:39]when i'm talking to her to see what the issue is what

[6:41]does she say it's not my obligation to cook ya allah show

[6:45]me a hadith that says i have to cook it's not my

[6:49]obligation to clean the house so we see that both sides go

[6:54]by the letter of the law while ignoring the spirit of a

[7:01]beautiful marital relationship and they ignore this verse in the quran the

[7:06]quran didn't tell you that you can't ishhar with your friends and

[7:10]have a late night session every night with your friends and ignore

[7:16]your family but the quran told you live with them is decency

[7:23]pleasantness if you're going out with your friends every night and you're

[7:32]ignoring your family that is not my roof that's not a decent

[7:35]marital life if you don't want to participate in the house chores

[7:43]let's say the sister who says no i don't have to cook

[7:46]i'm not going to cook for good you're not obligated to cook

[7:50]in god's law however at the same time that's not ma roof

[7:56]that's not a decent living contribute help out both sides help out

[8:03]why are we stuck on the letter of the law sometimes and

[8:08]we lose focus of the beautiful spirit of a marital life this

[8:13]is one common challenge that we have my dear brothers and sisters

[8:17]now this invites us to discuss something that's important as well and

[8:22]many people are asking today and that is the conditions that you

[8:29]put in the marriage contract some people are asking us these questions

[8:32]what are the limitations does islam allow me to put any condition

[8:37]that i want in the marriage contract if i want to make

[8:42]things clear one sister came and she put this condition i will

[8:45]get married on the condition that i don't cook is that a

[8:49]valid condition that i put or sometimes you'll find a person who

[8:54]says i will get married on the condition that i can divorce

[8:56]myself i have the right to divorce what people call as the

[9:02]asma and many other conditions what is the islamic perspective on having

[9:08]these conditions and how can we reconcile some of these extreme conditions

[9:15]with this verse in the holy quran as a general law islam

[9:20]teaches us that if you're engaging in a contract it could be

[9:26]a business contract it could be a rental contract it could be

[9:30]the marital contract whenever you enter a contract you are allowed by

[9:35]the law to stipulate your conditions but there are guidelines when it

[9:43]comes to these conditions one guideline is stated by the prophet and

[9:47]the imams of al-bait believers ought to respect their conditions and observe

[9:58]them those conditions that they agreed on allah there's an exception the

[10:11]imam says any shard any condition that you want to stipulate that

[10:15]makes something or it violates the holy quran and the sunnah of

[10:24]the prophet that condition is invalid any condition that you put whether

[10:30]it's in a business contract whether it's in a marital contract if

[10:35]it violates the holy quran if it makes something that's that is

[10:42]not a valid contract that is not a valid condition so we

[10:48]need to have awareness of what type of conditions we can put

[10:54]or not let's go through some common examples one common example is

[10:59]the condition of divorce by default islamic law who has the right

[11:06]to initiate the divorce the man the husband has the right to

[11:10]initiate the divorce this is agreed upon by all muslims by all

[11:15]schools of thought yes there are instances where a much to it

[11:21]called hakim a merger can issue a divorce of the husband is

[11:25]not spending if he's being abusive in certain situations but by default

[11:30]the husband he has the right to initiate the divorce so now

[11:36]if a woman wants to enter a marriage contract and she wants

[11:40]to stipulate that she has the right to initiate the divorce the

[11:44]imam al-islam was asked about this a woman gets married on the

[11:51]condition that she divorces the imam alayhi salam states such a condition

[11:55]cannot flip the law of god the law of god is that

[12:01]the husband initiates the divorce so if she stipulates that she in

[12:06]each initiates the divorce that's not a valid condition it's an invalid

[12:11]condition but now scholars do say that a woman can stipulate that

[12:15]how does it work the wording is very important the way that

[12:21]it works and scholars see it acceptable is the following she says

[12:25]to him in the marriage contract i marry you on the condition

[12:31]that you give me the wikala the empowerment the authority to initiate

[12:38]the divorce on your behalf so he has the right to divorce

[12:43]she's stipulating a condition that you give me the wacala you give

[12:49]me what's called the empowerment power of attorney for me to initiate

[12:56]the divorce scholars many of them say this is acceptable that's fine

[13:00]because you're not changing a law in sharia you're stipulating the wakala

[13:06]only just like now these days if someone comes to a scholar

[13:09]and he says we want you to issue the divorce for us

[13:12]normally the scholar issues the divorce the husband gives him the what

[13:17]the wikala so she's getting the wakata from the husband in order

[13:23]to issue that divorce if it's worded in a different way where

[13:26]she says i am marrying on the right that i initiate the

[13:30]divorce that's not a valid condition because in god's law the husband

[13:34]initiates the divorce so she can stipulate the wakala from him that

[13:39]would be an acceptable way of composing this condition so this is

[13:46]one example that the imams of alibaid have been asked about and

[13:51]they have commented on it now let's say a husband marries a

[13:56]woman and this happens by the way and he stipulates on her

[14:01]the condition that i marry you and my condition is that you

[14:06]take off the hijab or you never put on the hijab is

[14:09]this a valid condition why is that not a valid condition because

[14:15]it violates the quran and the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi

[14:19]the imams have stated that such a condition is not valid it's

[14:25]making something haram that would not be permissible in the law of

[14:32]allah subhanahu wa ta'ala what about something that's acceptable in shariah you

[14:38]want to stipulate it for instance a woman once stipulated the condition

[14:41]that i marry you on the condition that we don't move from

[14:46]our hometown my parents are here i want to serve them as

[14:50]long as they're alive so i stipulate the condition that we don't

[14:55]move except if i give the permission without my permission we're not

[15:00]going to move is this a valid condition yes that is a

[15:04]valid condition if he accepted it becomes binding on him tomorrow if

[15:10]he wants to move without her consent it's haram that would be

[15:14]a sin because he's violating a condition that he made with a

[15:18]fellow believer and the hadiths tell us that the believers ought to

[15:22]honor their conditions that is one scenario that is acceptable in islamic

[15:27]law it's not making anything anything it's not violating the quran it's

[15:36]not violating what the spirit of the sunnah another condition my dear

[15:39]brothers and sisters is the following let's say a person wants to

[15:46]serve their parents your parents have the greatest right over you and

[15:49]you are concerned that maybe through my marital life i will be

[15:55]taken away from my parents every day i have an issue if

[15:59]i go and spend time with them and serve them especially with

[16:01]the sisters some husbands are very inconsiderate it's okay for them to

[16:08]go and spend time with their parents and family but if she

[16:10]goes to help her parents be there for her parents no they

[16:15]have an issue so let's say you want to get married and

[16:18]you want to make sure that you stay dutiful towards your parents

[16:22]and you serve them till the last day that they're alive islamically

[16:26]you can put a condition i stipulate a condition in my marriage

[16:30]contract i marry you on this condition that i will see my

[16:36]parents whenever i want in fact two days out of the week

[16:40]i just want to go and spend time with them now i'm

[16:43]not encouraging or discouraging this condition but you have the right to

[16:46]stipulate that let's say your parents have a particular condition they need

[16:50]you to be around them don't let your marriage later fall apart

[16:56]because of disputes if you anticipate this is going to happen put

[17:03]a condition that i will go and see my parents and visit

[17:05]them whenever i want i'm marrying you based on this condition make

[17:09]that condition it avoids a lot of misunderstandings it avoids a lot

[17:15]of disputes you have the right to stipulate that condition yes by

[17:20]default islamic law according to many scholars she would have to seek

[17:26]her husband's permission or he has to be okay if she wants

[17:28]to leave the house this is the fatwa of the majority of

[17:30]scholars unless you know it's something urgent of course and he has

[17:37]to be justified in why he wouldn't allow it if he's just

[17:41]trying to be abusive that's not acceptable but she can stipulate that

[17:46]i can leave and see my parents whenever i want that is

[17:50]an acceptable condition now what about this condition here some people say

[17:58]the following there are conditions that you don't explicitly state in a

[18:05]marriage contract but if you live in a society where such conditions

[18:10]are considered a given by the people it becomes a binding condition

[18:16]i'll give you two examples one example is when you do the

[18:23]marriage contract the ketbik top before you have the wedding before you

[18:27]get officially married during the cat picture i know some people this

[18:32]period could last a whole year during the qatar tab does the

[18:40]husband have to spend on his wife by default islamic law he

[18:45]is required because she's technically now his wife however what do scholars

[18:53]say scholars say that in your community when you get married and

[18:57]you do the the marriage contract if there is an internalized condition

[19:05]that you're not obligated to spend on her except after the wedding

[19:11]after the marriage is consummated then that becomes binding if it's to

[19:16]that point of strength and clarity such that the families both sides

[19:22]they get married acknowledging that there is such a hidden condition that

[19:29]all the marital rights are going to start when we have the

[19:38]wedding therefore based on this they would have to observe it he

[19:42]is not responsible to spend on her during the engagement period if

[19:45]there is such a clear condition that both sides have internalized so

[19:52]this is one example we call this in arabic ashartha kazi or

[19:57]ashar how about this one this one is highly disputed someone gets

[20:04]married here and according to the law of the land if you

[20:10]get divorced how are the assets split half in a lot of

[20:14]cases it would be 50 50.

[20:15]now if the wife did not stipulate in the marriage contract that

[20:22]upon divorce she would demand half of her husband's wealth by default

[20:27]islamic law she's only entitled to the dowry to the mahaprabhu she's

[20:32]not entitled to that half pursuing that half is haram in god's

[20:38]law it's an act of theft if it was not stipulated in

[20:40]the contract now someone can say the following i live in this

[20:44]country i grew up in this country when you get married in

[20:48]america it's a given that when you get divorced you'll get half

[20:52]so this is a built-in condition that even though we didn't verbalize

[21:00]it in the quick tab it's a given have scholars have accepted

[21:07]this scholars have not accepted this why scholars have said that when

[21:13]you entered this marriage was there that clear understanding that you are

[21:22]obligated willingly to give her half of your wealth if it's clear

[21:28]to that point maybe some people in some communities it's to that

[21:32]clarity that would be a binding condition but in most cases that

[21:38]is not a clear condition it's still something that's vague it's not

[21:43]a commitment that you are willingly making the only reason why he

[21:48]is going to give her half of his wealth is if the

[21:51]court forces him to otherwise he's never made such a willing commitment

[21:57]to give her half of that so that's why many scholars would

[22:00]not consider this as a binding condition so if that's something that

[22:06]you want to pursue later put that in your marriage contract avoid

[22:10]disputes later and avoid the possibility of you taking his money in

[22:18]a haram way that allah subhanahu ta allah has not made it

[22:20]lawful to you now one case that i see that is disturbing

[22:28]is people who did not grow up here people who lived in

[22:33]other countries there was no expectation that you're going to split the

[22:36]wealth in half they migrated here they get the divorce the court

[22:42]gives you 50 so you see that the wife for example she

[22:46]goes and she pursues that 50 percent now you have a dispute

[22:51]you have a problem here you ask them did you make a

[22:55]clear contract that upon divorce it would be split 50 50.

[23:00]the answer is no we never made that contract so we tell

[23:04]them that it's haram for you to pursue that 50.

[23:07]they'll come back and tell you say it this is my hack

[23:10]this is my right the law of the land says that i

[23:14]understand the law of the land says that but what is what

[23:16]does the law of the one who created the land say do

[23:19]i care about islam or no if there was no clear contract

[23:24]condition about this point it's not lawful for you to pursue the

[23:32]50.

[23:30]you are entitled to the dowry that is the condition that was

[23:35]in the contract so many people they confuse these types of conditions

[23:42]and later that would be a recipe for disaster that would be

[23:47]recipe for fighting bitter feelings therefore there are many scholars today because

[23:53]they're seeing so many divorce cases and so many disputes they are

[23:57]actually recommending people look talk about these conditions write them in your

[24:03]marriage contract even the custody of the children what happens with the

[24:07]custody of the children who gets the custody shared custody what kind

[24:10]of shared custody i know scholars who actually recommend you put these

[24:14]conditions because people are disputing so much they're fighting in court so

[24:21]much and this is taking a toll on their well-being and on

[24:24]their families therefore put these conditions clear that avoids many disputes in

[24:31]the future this is just to gain an understanding of how the

[24:34]conditions work in a marriage contract but never forget the overall spirit

[24:40]of what the quran tells you live decently put a decent condition

[24:48]a life that is filled with blessings and then if you ever

[24:55]have a dispute what does the holy quran comment allah times when

[25:01]we have a dispute that's it that person becomes my enemy that

[25:05]person becomes iblis shaytan i can't stand that person i dismiss their

[25:10]entire history of sacrifice the quran says that's not fair even if

[25:15]now you have to separate even if you couldn't work out your

[25:20]differences at least leave on good terms thank one another for standing

[25:28]by each other's side thank one another for all your hours and

[25:32]days of work and sacrifice at least have that much decency and

[25:37]loyalty the children suffer when they see parents separating on bitter terms

[25:48]try not to separate but if you have to leave on good

[25:52]terms acknowledge the good that you've done to one another that's the

[25:57]least amount of humanity and decency that you can show now for

[26:02]those who quickly want to separate as we are seeing in our

[26:06]time these days where the divorce rate is over 50 the quran

[26:10]has one final point here that i will share with you if

[26:17]you dislike your spouse you love them crazy a few years ago

[26:21]i've seen some people who would literally sacrifice the whole universe you

[26:26]know to be with their loved one now things have changed they've

[26:31]lost those feelings the quran says if you don't like them anymore

[26:37]what should you do the hollywood way yeah easy let's get a

[26:41]lawyer go to court and things the quran says [Music] perhaps you're

[26:53]hating something now but allah has put a lot of goodness in

[26:57]it be patient be patient don't build your life around emotions and

[27:02]feelings i don't feel the connection now let me consider separation and

[27:09]divorce allah says no appreciate what she's done she may be the

[27:12]mother of your children she may be an excellent mother why don't

[27:16]you appreciate that maybe you're not getting along too well with her

[27:21]that's fine look at the bright side look at the positives that

[27:23]she has she must have some positives because you married her right

[27:28]many times when we fight we try to we try to demoralize

[27:34]that person or bulldoze them down right i asked the person i

[27:40]tell him but you were desperate to marry her she had some

[27:44]good qualities what did they just evaporate overnight no that's not the

[27:47]case i find that difficult to believe that she absolutely has no

[27:52]good quality now or that he has no good quality now look

[27:55]at the good qualities and believe me sometimes we see cases in

[27:58]the communities where you have honestly an excellent mother who's raised her

[28:06]children very well the husband does not appreciate that an excellent father

[28:11]who's a good role model in the house for some reason she

[28:13]doesn't appreciate that allah says be patient allah will put barakah in

[28:20]your patience now i'm not talking about abusive relationships please don't misunderstand

[28:23]me physical abuse severe types of abuse that's a different category but

[28:29]we've seen some people i don't like her anymore i don't like

[28:33]him anymore is he beating you is he abusive is he not

[28:37]no he's not he's a good but i just don't like him

[28:43]anymore allah says be patient you think you'll find happiness with someone

[28:46]else where's that guarantee who guarantees you'll find happiness with someone else

[28:57]in these moments allah is trying you allah is seeing which are

[29:03]you going to give preference to your intellect and wisdom and that

[29:10]which is good for the family or your emotions and desires always

[29:14]put your intellect and that which pleases allah before anything else if

[29:19]allah sees you past that test allah will open new hair in

[29:24]your life and i can attest to this my dear brothers and

[29:26]sisters i am familiar with some cases where the husband or the

[29:33]wife they didn't really like each other that much but they sacrificed

[29:36]they stayed allah compensated them with something they were not even expecting

[29:43]they were not aware of so this is the spirit of what

[29:48]we learn from this noble verse my dear brothers and sisters now

[29:52]tonight as we are commemorating the tragedy of lady fatima alaihissalam look

[29:58]at the words of amir al-mu'mineen and how he describes her and

[30:04]imagine you have to lose such a companion such a partner i

[30:16]swear by allah never in my life did i anger her enrage

[30:21]her frustrate her and never did she anger me imagine you live

[30:30]with someone like that and now you have to lose this person

[30:34]the wasaya that lady fatima gave to imam ali is a very

[30:40]heartbreaking gossip she tells him my beloved cousin oh the commander of

[30:49]the faithful if ha if i had any shortcomings towards you i

[30:52]ask you to forgive me this is my message this truly broke

[30:59]the heart of amir al-mu'min fatima you when did you ever bother

[31:03]me or disturb me for you to make such a wasabi for

[31:09]you to make such a request i swear by allah you were

[31:11]the best good companion for me but this shows you the fatima

[31:17]tazhara despite her pain suffering what she had to go through she

[31:21]says my dear husband forgive me i apologize if i had any

[31:29]shortcomings imagine his difficulty when he had to fare while fatima that

[31:35]is why oh believers the hadith narrates after imam ali buried lady

[31:43]fatima in that dark night he went to her grave lost patience

[31:47]who never loses patience the mountains cannot reduce his patience he he

[31:56]looks towards the grave of the prophet he says [Music] upon you

[32:06]o messenger of allah i give you my salam on behalf of

[32:14]myself and also your daughter fatima who has now joined you she

[32:21]has now joined you in the world of then you know what

[32:26]the imam says he says ya rasulullah my patience has weakened when

[32:44]it comes to fatima and what happened to her and the tragedies

[32:47]that befell her and the fact that she is leaving me now

[32:52]yes and then he tells him ya rasool allah ask her now

[32:57]what your ummah did to her how they conspired against her how

[33:00]they oppressed her because there were many things in her heart she

[33:05]did not know who to say them to where to go to

[33:11]when your ummah oppressed her yes this is the state of meningitis

[33:21][Music] [Music] we ask you to hasten the reappearance of our master

[33:49]my dear brothers and sisters let's recite sulat al-fattah for the souls

[33:55]of all of your march your loved ones who have passed away

[33:58]especially i ask you to recite surat al-fatiha on behalf of [Music]

[34:06]let's recite surat al-fatiha for his soul and for the souls of

[34:11]all of you allah

0 تعليقات

التالي

What Conditions Can I Put in Marriage? - Sayed Mohamed Baqir Qazwini

Transcript

التالي

استكشاف المزيد

يرجى ملاحظة أنه إذا كان عمرك أقل من 18 عامًا ، فلن تتمكن من الوصول إلى هذا الموقع.

التالي

What Conditions Can I Put in Marriage? - Sayed Mohamed Baqir Qazwini

Transcript

التالي

استكشاف المزيد

اختيار طريقة الدفع

لغة