Sayed Saleh AlQazwini - Preserving The Family

10 Bekeken· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
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Transcript

[0:00][Applause] [Music] ald muham k one of the most honored and Sanctified

[1:25]institutions in the religion of Islam is The Institute of the family

[1:35]more sacred than a place of worship more sacred than anything that

[1:43]you can think of according to he says to build a foundation

[1:53]to build an Institute it is rewarding however the holiest and the

[2:01]most Sanctified institutes in the religion of Islam is the Institute of

[2:10]family no foundation and Institute has been built in the religion of

[2:18]Islam more beloved to Allah than marriage and because marriage is starting

[2:23]a family so today we want to speak about the family and

[2:28]the role of the family and how does the religion of Islam

[2:36]look at the family and what are our duties as members of

[2:39]families as a father what is my duty as a mother what

[2:44]is my duty as a son or daughter what is my duty

[2:49]towards my parents towards my siblings towards everyone in the family this

[2:53]is perhaps one of the most important issues and moral teachings that

[3:01]the religion of Islam brought down religions they came and they told

[3:05]people to worship Allah to not sin to not oppress to not

[3:10]cheat this is very important but you see that the religion of

[3:14]Islam also insists on another aspect of having a religious life and

[3:23]that is respecting others around us especially our family members Allah mentions

[3:29]in the Quran Allah has decreed that you do not worship anyone

[3:39]other than him and then immediately after he does not say and

[3:43]that you pray and you fast and you go to Haj and

[3:46]you give zakat and all these things he says and you show

[3:53]towards the towards the two parents and inshallah we will mention what

[4:01]is what does Allah require from me when it comes to my

[4:04]family we see that the Quran speaks about the family in many

[4:10]ways sometimes you read the Quran you would be confused is this

[4:16]a book of family or is this a book that is teaching

[4:18]me to get closer to Allah but we see that in the

[4:25]religion of Islam being kind with your family and fulfilling your responsibilities

[4:29]with your family this is a part of getting closer to Allah

[4:32]subhana wa tala they are one the religion of Islam came with

[4:38]a package you see in other religions they'll tell you on Sunday

[4:42]on whatever day out of the week I go to church I

[4:46]go to the synagogue I go to the temple that is where

[4:47]God stays I leave God in the temple in the church in

[4:52]the place of worship when I leave God has nothing to do

[4:54]with my life in Islam it's not that way in Islam Allah

[5:00]subhana and religion is with us wherever we go and these rules

[5:04]the rules regarding the family they are one of the main rules

[5:09]in the religion of Islam and we see that there are many

[5:12]stories in the Quran many examples in the Quran in fact Allah

[5:16]subhah wa ta'ala starts off by telling us the story of the

[5:22]first creation the first beings and humans on Earth who are they

[5:26]Adam and haah and Eve doesn't Allah subhana wa tala mention to

[5:33]us a struggle that took place between the children of Adam and

[5:37]haah and then you see Allah subhah wa tala speaks about Prophet

[5:42]n Prophet n was a prophet of Allah subhah wa tala he

[5:48]was calling on people to worship Allah he had a mission he

[5:54]was one of the prophets one of the five main prophets who

[5:57]were sent to Nations and to pre reache to Nations but Allah

[6:03]subhah wa ta'ala shows us that even the greatest of the prophets

[6:08]even a prophet who he has family struggles Allah subhah wa ta'ala

[6:15]through this he shows us that no one is immune I cannot

[6:17]say yes I'm an educated person that means I'm never going to

[6:22]have family problems or I'm a religious person I'm not going to

[6:26]have family problems Allah shows us that even the prophets of Allah

[6:30]that Allah subhana tala says we have given an example we have

[6:48]given an example to the kuf to the people that have not

[6:55]not believed in Allah subhah tala who the wife of prophet Noah

[7:02]Prophet no and Prophet L Prophet l l lot they were prophets

[7:12]of Allah subhah wa ta'ala but you see that their wives they

[7:16]were on a completely different lifestyle they betrayed them they did not

[7:22]believe in the same message that their husbands were bringing now I

[7:27]see many times some people they come and they say say I

[7:31]have this kind of struggle with my family I have this and

[7:34]this with my family yes this is very normal every single one

[7:40]of us has struggles but the important thing is how we deal

[7:44]with these struggles everyone is tested every single one of us even

[7:50]the prophets of Allah and the wives of these two prophets they

[7:54]ended up dying in the punishment in the wrath of Allah the

[7:57]wife of no she drowned and the wife of prophet Lu she

[8:01]also when the punishment came down upon the people of prophet Lu

[8:04]she was also a part of them another side Allah speaks about

[8:12]the son of prophet n this is the son of a prophet

[8:14]Prophet no he's in the ark has started to flood no he

[8:21]tells his son oh my dear son believe in Allah come you

[8:26]will be saved come come ride the ark with us he said

[8:29]no I'm going to go on top of a mountain this is

[8:33]what the Quran says the Quran says his own son he tells

[8:37]him I will go on top of a mountain and I will

[8:43]be saved he was also one wave that came and you've seen

[8:45]before probably people would not believe when they hear waves that are

[8:50]200t and 300t high but today we know that there are tsunamis

[8:56]and hundreds of thousands of people are wiped out are they drown

[9:00]within moments we see we've seen it in the news this is

[9:07]exactly what happened the the son of a prophet so Allah subhana

[9:11]tala mentions numerous struggles one struggle is the struggle of prophet ibraim

[9:17]prophet ibraim he cannot have children this is the main struggle that

[9:20]many families go through prophet Zakaria he can't have children he asked

[9:27]Allah subhah wa tala he says oh Allah I have become old

[9:41]and I do not have a children my wife she is she

[9:52]cannot have children and I want someone to inherit from me oh

[9:55]Allah subhana wa tala this is a struggle that the prophets of

[10:02]Allah waala went through and Allah chose that the prophets they would

[10:05]always do Dua this is the Dua he used to say this

[10:26]according to the Hadith the Imam say here the in this verse

[10:31]refers to the wife [Music] of in this verse is give us

[10:47]from our joy for our eyes the of this verse the joy

[10:54]for the eyes of imass and IM Hussein is so we see

[11:08]that even the prophets of Allah they do Dua however this is

[11:14]what the Quran is talking about now let's move to here 20

[11:20]to 2016 how is the family today and how should the family

[11:24]be we see the just like people before us they had struggles

[11:30]right now there are many families that are falling apart there are

[11:35]many families that are struggling probably before many years 20 30 years

[11:44]ago 10 years ago it used to be abnormal to see a

[11:52]divorce it wasn't taboo to see families falling apart but today it's

[11:57]abnormal to see a family to together today it's the other way

[12:03]around when you see a family that's together that have been together

[12:06]and they're happy with one another you say Subhan Allah what is

[12:10]this because it's become so such a normal thing in society to

[12:16]see families falling apart to see struggles within the family and the

[12:20]problem with this is that it's not just a disagreement that you

[12:24]have with your job with your coworker because that's a disagreement that

[12:28]you had to disagreement with your coworker okay you go and you

[12:32]find another coworker and you go and you move on with your

[12:37]life but the problem when you see families deteriorating when you see

[12:41]families falling apart this has implications this means that future Generations are

[12:46]going to be raised without the admonishment of a father without the

[12:52]love and the compassion of a mother without a family being together

[12:56]and this has a moral influence moral impact on a person's life

[13:01]a psychological impact a social impact today right now when you see

[13:08]a lot of these shooters they go and they shoot they go

[13:10]in a room filled with people of course if he was a

[13:15]white person they'll say he has psychological problems he he his parents

[13:19]they got into a divorce he was depressed he had psychological problems

[13:22]and the irony is it's only used when a white person does

[13:25]it if it was a black person or if it was a

[13:28]Arab Arab person or a Mexican or anyone else right away there

[13:33]are other excuses that are used but this does have some truth

[13:40]to it the the what we do in our lives and what

[13:42]happens in our lives it influences the way we view our family

[13:50]and our actions today studies show that many people are delaying marriage

[13:56]many people they are they continue to delay marriage and some people

[14:04]they go they have a relationship they have relations because marriage what

[14:09]is it there is a physical side to it and there's an

[14:13]emotional side to it you have your body at one point in

[14:18]your life it tells you I need to get married I need

[14:21]to get married and there are signs that the body sends when

[14:25]we ignore these signs and then many people they go and they

[14:30]try to resolve their needs through other ways sometimes illegitimate ways sometimes

[14:36]Haram ways you see problems start to emerge in society you see

[14:42]many problems start to emerge so we see studies show that many

[14:45]people are delaying marriage and every 10 years you see that it's

[14:52]being it's being delayed a few years further but the problem is

[14:55]there are many people here in the United States studies show that

[14:59]that many people they choose to cohabitate with one another they live

[15:02]with one another you see a man and a woman they go

[15:06]and they live in an apartment in a house they have children

[15:10]they live a lifestyle of someone that's married but what is it

[15:16]they don't want to consider themselves married and this is an increasing

[15:20]phenomenon that's going on in the United States right now it's called

[15:25]cohabitation where they say we're not going to consider ourselves married but

[15:29]we're going to live with one another and even sometimes have children

[15:36]with one another of course studies show that these types of relationships

[15:40]if they do get married they are most likely going to end

[15:43]up in a divorce why because they got used to a lifestyle

[15:49]of no commitment they got used to a lifestyle of no responsibilities

[15:55]because marriage and family building what does it mean when I build

[15:59]a family when I get married when I declare myself married that

[16:03]means that I'm saying I have responsibilities I have duties whoever is

[16:09]in a relationship with me I have they have rights and I

[16:15]have rights and there are rights and duties towards one another but

[16:19]we see that many people they choose to not get married because

[16:26]they want to run away from the commitments or because they see

[16:30]many families falling apart so many people say you know what I

[16:33]don't want to deal with it if I see that my mom

[16:36]and dad are fighting every day why am I going to get

[16:37]married they're fighting my grandparents were fighting every day what's the value

[16:42]of marriage where's the happiness in the marriage however when we look

[16:49]at the religion of Islam we see that marriage is supposed to

[16:53]be successful but it has conditions Allah says in the Quran it's

[16:58]it's from the signs of Allah subhanahu waala from the signs of

[17:13]Allah subhah wa tala that he created for you pairs a spouse

[17:17]from the opposite gender why Allah subhah waala created everything in a

[17:25]male or female you go to the smallest smallest uh life smallest

[17:32]being that you have to see with a microscope you go to

[17:34]the you go to the proton and the neutron you see that

[17:40]there there's a oppos there's one there's opposites you go you look

[17:45]at the cell you see there's opposites you come you see all

[17:50]of the animals they're created in two different this is one of

[17:53]the signs of Allah subhana out of elves pairs why so that

[18:06]you may find what does sukun mean you know sukun it means

[18:16]Tranquility it means Comfort it means peace and he placed ma love

[18:27]and mercy in that relationship this is a successful relationship one that

[18:33]has sukon ones that one that has love and compassion and we're

[18:37]not just talking about marriage right now we're talking about every single

[18:42]the the role of every single person in the family however today

[18:47]we see that many marriages many families are falling apart there's no

[18:53]sukon you see many times many people they learn how to fight

[19:01]in the family sometimes they might even learn how to kickbox in

[19:06]the family and we see that many times there is abuse and

[19:16]there is lack of respect within a place a within a Zone

[19:19]that's supposed to be a place of love and compassion and we

[19:26]see families falling apart now how are we supposed to preserve the

[19:32]family what makes a family successful we hear many stories of families

[19:40]that are successful the story of however what do I have to

[19:48]do because as I mentioned earlier in order to keep the marriage

[19:57]alive in order to keep the family happy you have to do

[20:00]something maybe before maybe a few years ago many year 10 20

[20:06]30 years ago it was it was wrong for a family to

[20:08]break apart it was wrong for a wife to go and ask

[20:12]for divorce it was not accepted in society so maybe they were

[20:15]unhappy with one another but there was no divorce there was it

[20:22]was taboo to speak about this agreement but today no today it's

[20:26]become very easy so in in order to keep the family together

[20:32]every single person in the family they need to strive they need

[20:35]to struggle you have to actually be doing something to keep the

[20:38]family together now I will mention a few points that must be

[20:44]done in order to keep the family together one of the main

[20:50]reasons that families fall apart and we're not just talking about marriage

[20:54]we're talking about every single the role of every single person within

[20:58]the family is that members of the family they are in a

[21:02]state of in a state of absent mindedness and this happens many

[21:12]times you see a couple they get married the first year two

[21:16]years there's some romance there's some love there's some respect and then

[21:21]a few years pass you see no one cares for one another

[21:25]everyone is in a state of ga everyone is in a state

[21:32]of absent-mindedness I don't know what this person my wife my son

[21:37]my daughter my husband what these people in the family what they

[21:41]require of me what do I have to come and fulfill what

[21:46]what are my duties towards them we become in a state of

[21:48]absent-mindedness because we're busy with our work we're busy paying the mortgage

[21:53]we're busy with other projects in our lives that we tend to

[21:59]forget the close closest people to us the ones that we will

[22:01]need the most when we die who's going to be the one

[22:06]who's going to come and recite Quran over our grave who's going

[22:09]to be the one that's going to remember me in fact who

[22:13]is going who am I going to be remembered through through my

[22:16]children I'm not going to be remembered through the strangers that I

[22:20]wasted my time with so we see many times families fall apart

[22:27]because we are in a state of in a state of absent-mindedness

[22:33]I don't realize suddenly you see that the problem explodes and it

[22:39]becomes so big that you cannot solve it when you are able

[22:45]to solve it many of us we were busy Allah subhah waala

[22:47]reminds us in the [Music] Quran oh you people who believe if

[23:03]you consider yourself a Believer then strengthen yourself and your family protect

[23:14]yourself from the fire that is fueled by people and rocks and

[23:20]stones but Allah subhana says you want to go to heaven that's

[23:25]very good but take a few people with you take your family

[23:28]with with you take your family with you to Paradise don't be

[23:35]selfish when you get up to pray wake up your children wake

[23:40]up your family members to pray don't do not be in a

[23:45]state of do enjoin the good and forbid the evil when it

[23:49]comes to your family members but unfortunately we see that many times

[23:54]we're in a state of absent-mindedness where we do not realize what

[24:00]are the rights of every single individual within the family you see

[24:07]many marriages they're falling apart why because the husband is used to

[24:11]coming home and he sees that his wife she is doing whatever

[24:17]she used to do for him for the past 10 20 30

[24:20]years he says I don't need to do anything and sometimes the

[24:24]wife she sees that the husband he's working he's struggling he's doing

[24:29]whatever he could and the relationship it's taken for granted there's no

[24:36]appreciation of one another and that it leads to bringing the couple

[24:41]bringing family members away from one another when I look at my

[24:47]children I have to see what do they need the children they

[24:50]need to see what their parents are are in need of many

[24:54]times when it comes to the rights of the parents many of

[24:57]us were in a state of of because we believe we grew

[25:02]up our our parents taking care of us our parents paying for

[25:06]our bills our parents doing everything everything exhausting themselves for us and

[25:12]then once I have my life figured out once everything is set

[25:15]I see my parents they start getting weaker and weaker and weaker

[25:20]they have to go to the doctor more often they start struggling

[25:26]it becomes difficult for them to carry out their normal duties but

[25:31]many you see them this person he's in a state of he's

[25:36]making millions of dollars he's making so much money that he's forgotten

[25:40]his own parents he's forgotten the closest people around him Allah subhah

[25:47]waala speaks about this in the Quran when they become old Allah

[26:08]says that's the time that you have to you are you have

[26:10]to struggle for your parents yes of course you you have to

[26:17]respect your parents at all times however Allah says when they become

[26:23]old that's the time that it will be difficult for them maybe

[26:26]just to get a cup of water maybe just to do the

[26:32]simplest of things it will be difficult for them and then Allah

[26:37]says you know sometimes when someone asks us to do something what

[26:44]do we do if we don't want to do it we start

[26:47]huffing and puffing why do I have to do this this is

[26:51]O he says this is the Quran this is the religion of

[26:57]this this is the religion of Mercy when a religion tells you

[27:03]to not say this o to your parents you will know that

[27:05]this is the right religion a religion that goes into the relationship

[27:09]so much and is so precise in the relationships and even what

[27:18]to say im he says if there was something less than the

[27:22]if there was something that someone could do that's less than the

[27:26]O it would have been mentioned in the Quran now of course

[27:31]today we see people they go much further than the they start

[27:33]talking back to their parents they start cursing at their parents this

[27:41]is breaking the duties of the religion of Islam and of course

[27:45]there are rights of the children as well there are rights of

[27:51]the children you see many times some parents they neglect the rights

[27:54]of their children however when it comes to the rights of the

[27:59]parent par Allah subhanahu waala says you have to treat them withan

[28:04]with what does it mean to treat your parents with other people

[28:18]with my neighbors with my brothers with family other family members we

[28:23]are ordered to deal with people with Justice with adal so that

[28:27]means that if this person did something wrong to me I have

[28:31]the right to go and talk back I have the right to

[28:33]defend myself but when Allah says you treat your parents withan what

[28:37]does that mean that means that even if they did something to

[28:43]me do I have the right to talk back no because it

[28:47]means that I have to be the one that is always doing

[28:49]a favor I have to be the one that always struggles and

[28:53]works hard to keep my parents satisfied now some people say what

[28:56]if my parents have passed away we all have parents and we

[29:01]all have duties towards our parents I see many times when I

[29:04]go to a mjus the parents they say tell tell talk to

[29:08]my children about the rights of the parents you have parents as

[29:11]well too for the adults but many times a man he came

[29:18]to IM sad and he tells him my parents have passed away

[29:21]how should I what should I do IM tells him sometimes someone

[29:28]he was he didn't have a relationship with his parents during his

[29:32]life but after his parents died he became and sometimes someone was

[29:39]he was good with his parents they loved him and they respected

[29:42]him but the day they died he completely forgot about his parents

[29:46]he becomes how because many some the one that was bad and

[29:55]he became good the Imam says after his parents passed away he

[30:03]began to do things that bring people to say may Allah have

[30:06]mercy on you and on your parents you know sometimes they especially

[30:10]within the Arabs and our custom they say may Allah have mercy

[30:16]on your parents and sometimes you see someone does something and people

[30:20]curse him and they curse his parents and his grandparents and his

[30:23]whole generation so it's all upon our actions sometimes someone was good

[30:31]with his parents but the day his parents passed away he goes

[30:35]to the cemetery he buries his parents he doesn't remember them he

[30:40]doesn't do read Quran for them she doesn't do anything for his

[30:45]parents this is also a type of we have to constantly keep

[30:52]this relationship alive there's a beautiful story from Prophet m Prophet m

[30:58]one day he asked Allah M was Kim he used to speak

[31:03]to Allah so he asked Allah oh Allah let me see my

[31:05]neighbor in Paradise so Allah told him yes you go this person

[31:12]the GPS at that time Prophet Musa he had his own internal

[31:16]GPS he tells him you go here and you will find this

[31:21]person this is your neighbor in Paradise Prophet mam he wanted to

[31:28]go and see hisb Neighbor In Paradise he went he saw a

[31:32]man so he wanted to see what's so special about this person

[31:38]that he has become the neighbor of prophet Musa in Paradise Prophet

[31:42]Mussa has struggled so much he's done so much to become a

[31:46]prophet now this person is going to be on the same level

[31:50]in Paradise with Prophet Musa so Prophet MSA he came he told

[31:56]this person he didn't tell him I'm Prophet mus he told him

[31:59]let me be with you so he wanted to monitor this person's

[32:02]life he saw that during the day this person is not fasting

[32:09]is he supposed to be fasting no he's not fasting at nighttime

[32:14]he's not spending his whole night worshiping and praying to Allah he

[32:18]goes and he sleeps and he rests but then before this man

[32:25]he leaves his house he sees Prophet Musa sees that this man

[32:28]he goes into a room in the house and then he comes

[32:32]out about 30 minutes later so he tells him what did you

[32:39]do you have something special in your life something special that you

[32:44]do what is it he tells him in that room is my

[32:48]mother my mother she's gotten too old she cannot walk and at

[32:55]that time they didn't have wheelchairs so I Carri her on my

[32:58]back wherever she needs to go I carry her on my back

[33:02]and my mother she cannot eat she doesn't have teeth at that

[33:09]time they didn't have dentists like today and if you don't have

[33:11]teeth what are you going to do at that time so he

[33:15]says I sit and I chew the food for my mother and

[33:20]then I feed it to her this is the only way that

[33:26]she could eat and then I sit with my mother I talk

[33:27]to her I see what she needs and then I tell her

[33:31]oh mother do you have anything that you need from me she

[33:35]tells him no you could go to work now then Prophet mam

[33:39]he tells him what does your mother say after you do all

[33:46]of this he says after I do all of this my mother

[33:47]she says inshallah you will become the neighbor of prophet Musa in

[33:52]Paradise may you be resurrected and you be with m in Paradise

[33:59]M tells him your Dua has been answered because I am so

[34:06]you see and this is aith from he says that the paradise

[34:12]Paradise is under the feet of your mothers so do not be

[34:19]in a state of do not be in a state of absent-mindedness

[34:23]when it comes to the closest people to you do not neglect

[34:31]the rights and not show love to the closest people to you

[34:36]this was one second the second main reason that families are falling

[34:43]apart is that many of us we don't know what our purpose

[34:48]is when it comes to our family a state of it means

[34:52]the first one that we were talking about it means that you're

[34:59]driving but you're driving while your eyes are closed any second you

[35:03]can get in an accident but the second problem is that I

[35:07]don't know what my purpose is I'm driving for hours and hours

[35:11]but I don't know where my destination is and we see that

[35:14]many of us we do this I don't know where I'm lead

[35:18]leading my family I'm a father I don't know what I'm doing

[35:22]with my family there are some that they plan and they lead

[35:27]or a mother she plans or she leads or even youth they

[35:31]know what their responsibilities are towards their family so they have a

[35:36]they have a plan they have a purpose and whatever you do

[35:39]towards your family do it do it to satisfy Allah subhanahu wa

[35:44]ta'ala when you are when you are driving your family because now

[35:51]that you've become a mother or a father or a person of

[35:54]a family you make decisions you can leave Le a family to

[35:58]the right path or you could lead your family astray today you

[36:03]my dear brothers and sisters you decided on a Friday night to

[36:09]bring your family and come with your families to a Masjid to

[36:13]pray to listen to a lecture this is having a purpose because

[36:16]just coming to the Masjid it's not for entertainment you're coming because

[36:20]you're planning for the future but there are others who on a

[36:25]Friday night on a Saturday night night they allow their family to

[36:33]go do an act of entertainment yes what today it's for fun

[36:37]tomorrow it's for fun the day after it's for fun eventually when

[36:40]the family has fallen apart when there's no values within the family

[36:45]that is the day that many people will realize that they LED

[36:49]their family to this decision they LED this their they LED their

[36:53]family to the state that they're in today now of course as

[36:59]we mentioned earlier sometimes no someone could be making the best decisions

[37:03]like Prophet n and Prophet Lu there are some circumstances that happen

[37:09]in the family but we also have to lead our family on

[37:12]the right path and we have to make sure that we make

[37:19]the best decisions when it comes to our for our family and

[37:22]of course why did why do we see the prophets of Allah

[37:28]they always ask for they do Dua and they ask for because

[37:30]when you have a family the prophets of Allah when they prayed

[37:36]to have children and have family it wasn't just for the entertainment

[37:39]and the emotions that was one aspect of it but there's a

[37:42]very important aspect and that is well you will have someone that

[37:48]will lead your legacy someone that will do Dua for you you

[37:51]know there's a Hadith that says that when we die we leave

[37:53]behind us a few things and we are disconnected from this life

[37:59]one of the things that we leave behind us is a child

[38:03]a son or a daughter that is that is good and they

[38:08]do good deeds whenever they do good deeds Allah subhana tala rewards

[38:13]the parents Prophet isaam one day he was passing by a grave

[38:17]and he saw that the person in the grave was being tortured

[38:23]was being punished then a year later he passed by the same

[38:27]grave he saw that that person was happy and that person was

[38:32]not being tortured or punished so he asked Allah what has happened

[38:37]now I don't know if this is Prophet Isa or Musa maybe

[38:42]it was Musa the mistake is on me the prophet he asked

[38:49]Allah what has happened Allah tells him this person who died they

[38:54]had a son their son just became he became he reached the

[39:00]state of puberty adulthood and now he's a good person and people

[39:03]every time they see that this one he does something good people

[39:07]they send blessings and Salam and prayers to the family and to

[39:13]the parents of this person so now the father who is deceased

[39:15]he is in a much better shape than he was before the

[39:20]third and there's only four and I will finish inshallah quickly the

[39:25]Third problem that many families fall apart is the lack of communication

[39:34]you see many times families fall apart because there's no talking to

[39:39]one another I don't know what this person needs they don't know

[39:43]what I need there's no communication and when there's no communication how

[39:48]is someone supposed to know what are the problems when there is

[39:53]a lack of communication you see that the most the strongest of

[39:56]institutions they will fall apart you see governments and communities and organizations

[40:01]and companies if they don't talk to one another if the top

[40:05]does not talk to the bottom if the organizers do not talk

[40:09]to one another it will fall apart everyone will be doing their

[40:12]own thing you see that many families there's no communication they live

[40:17]with one another they eat with one another they wake up with

[40:22]one another they sleep with one another but there's no communication no

[40:28]communication doesn't mean that there's no talking to one another sometimes there's

[40:33]talking but it's not real communication that will solve the problems within

[40:38]a family whenever there's a struggle you have to go and talk

[40:41]to one another you have to go and find out what are

[40:44]the roots of the struggle where does this where did this start

[40:47]from how can we resolve this yes there are some parents they

[40:53]say no no no I go home and I talk to my

[40:54]children I talk to my wife I talk to my my family

[40:58]that's not that's not communication communication does not just mean talking to

[41:04]begin with communication you have to start off with listening listening seeing

[41:08]what every single individual in the family requires and needs that is

[41:13]communication listening with empathy meaning that you listen and you place yourself

[41:18]in the person's shoes to see what this person is really going

[41:22]through second you talk but you have to talk by expressing yourself

[41:29]the right way many times people they have difficulties expressing themselves especially

[41:35]with children you find this you see many times the parents there's

[41:40]a lack of communication with their children they don't know how to

[41:43]talk to one another when a CH when a child is in

[41:47]need their parents they cannot talk to them they cannot talk to

[41:53]their parents so who do they go talk to they go and

[41:55]talk to stranger they go and talk to people and other kids

[42:03]or others who may have a bad influence on on the children's

[42:07]lives why because the parents refused to make some time to listen

[42:14]to their sons or their daughters and the fourth and final problem

[42:18]that I will mention today is that one of the main reasons

[42:24]that families fall apart is because we're constantly looking at what other

[42:30]families have I'm always saying you see this family you see they

[42:33]just bought this new car we have to have this you see

[42:37]this they just bought this new anything whatever uh couch they bought

[42:43]this we have to have this as well they have this I

[42:47]have to have this as well and we see that this is

[42:50]one of the major reasons why there's disagreements within the family the

[42:54]children they want something from the parents why because they saw someone

[42:58]else they have something it's the peer pressure they see the pressure

[43:01]from the people that are with them and then they come and

[43:07]they say I also want this thing but peer pressure when we

[43:09]talk about peer pressure we always talk about it when it comes

[43:13]to children but sometimes peer pressure exists with adults as well you

[43:18]see a husband he comes and he tells his wife I saw

[43:19]my cooworker he has this I want you to do this as

[43:23]well this is being pressured by people people around you or a

[43:28]wife she sees that her friends they got something and she comes

[43:31]and she says I also want this as well and it starts

[43:35]a fight over something that is very silly something very silly it

[43:39]starts off a fight and there's commotion and there's chaos within the

[43:44]family because of some materialistic item Allah subhah waala says in the

[43:55]Quran Allah says do not stretch your eyes and look at what

[44:09]other people have because when you do this when you look at

[44:16]what other people have you're doomed to be unsatisfied because if I'm

[44:22]always comparing myself with others I'm never going to be happy every

[44:26]year there's a a new iPhone that's out if I want the

[44:28]newest iPhone every time it comes out I'm never going to be

[44:33]happy with what I have every year something new comes out does

[44:36]that mean that I have to have everything if I live that

[44:40]type of Lifestyle where I want the newest thing as soon as

[44:44]it comes out then I'm going to be this is a recipe

[44:48]for disaster when it comes to family building and when you're building

[44:51]a family you're not just spending on yourself when you're building a

[44:56]family family the father he needs to spend he needs to calculate

[45:00]for issues that may arise for kids clothes for schools Islamic school

[45:08]for supporting a Masjid for all of these things I have to

[45:11]keep some money for for these things I cannot just come and

[45:13]spend everything for myself and the wife she wants everything for herself

[45:18]and the children they want everything for themselves because if we live

[45:21]that type of Lifestyle we're never going to be satisfied we're always

[45:24]going to want what what we do not have and Allah tells

[45:27]this to the to to the people this is all a everything

[45:40]that we want to buy everything that we buy every single dollar

[45:44]that we have this is a FNA FNA what does it mean

[45:48]it means a test I'm either going to spend it on the

[45:54]right way or on the wrong way and then Allah says The

[45:56]RK is from Allah [Music] subhah

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