Islam's Take On Dating - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini | Muslim Youth Connection

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[0:01][Music] and welcome to our virtual lecture of our friday night program

[0:30]at the nyuc there are certain practices that are ingrained in the

[0:37]western culture it is an intrinsic part of the culture here in

[0:49]america amongst these practices is dating dating has become a natural part

[0:54]of everyone's life in america everyone dates you find dating has become

[0:59]so pervasive that even kids are starting to do it middle school

[1:05]kids they date and the school sponsors their date every couple of

[1:13]weeks or months there's a program where they need to find a

[1:16]date you have the prom you have the homecoming you have the

[1:19]valentine you have the graduation center every couple of weeks or months

[1:24]there is a celebration there's a party uh a gathering to attend

[1:28]and you are expected to bring along a girlfriend or a boyfriend

[1:33]this is a part of life everyone dates and in fact the

[1:38]person that does not date is seen as a loser there is

[1:42]a stigma tied to the person that stays away from dating negatively

[1:48]looked upon and it has become so pervasive as i said that

[1:53]it's becoming an alternative to marriage dating is becoming an alternative to

[2:01]dating why should i get married when i can easily date and

[2:05]there are two reasons why many people prefer dating over marriage number

[2:10]one when they look at dating they see dating as having all

[2:17]of the advantages of marriage of having a partner obviously there are

[2:22]advantages to marriage of having a partner living with a partner right

[2:26]you have someone with you through thick and thin you spend time

[2:30]with you go out with you share your feelings your secrets obviously

[2:35]the intimacy that is a part of marriage so all these benefits

[2:39]that are tied to marriage they see that dating has all these

[2:47]benefits but at the same time it doesn't have the responsibilities or

[2:49]the burdens of marriage because marriage is not just about me benefiting

[2:55]i also have to give and sacrifice there's a lot of responsibilities

[2:59]and burdens dating doesn't have these burdens why first of all because

[3:04]you can save right you can save so much money weddings right

[3:09]now are costing tens of thousands of dollars you need a house

[3:14]you need to spend you need this you need that you need

[3:18]so much money just to get married and then there's divorce remember

[3:21]there's a divorce and then if there is a divorce if there's

[3:25]a prospect of divorce it also is very costly here in america

[3:28]there's a commitment you know you can't leave whenever you want so

[3:32]there's a lot of things that make marriage difficult while dating comes

[3:38]without these difficulties so that's number one people are saying let's date

[3:44]why get married and number two marriage is a long-term commitment many

[3:48]times people haven't made up their minds yet i can't get in

[3:53]a re you know 50 60 uh your year relationship with with

[3:57]this individual because i don't know what will happen next month i

[3:59]don't know will happen next year so because it's such a long-term

[4:04]commitment people hesitate versus they look at dating dating makes sense why

[4:09]because dating is what you're just trying this person and that person

[4:15]until you finally find the one the true soulmate of yours so

[4:20]you try and try through a process of trial and error until

[4:24]you finally find your desired spouse because that's okay the other person

[4:29]when you date a person they don't expect that you're going to

[4:32]live with them forever that's only when you tie the knot that's

[4:36]only when you decide to get married so it's logical for you

[4:40]to try marriage to try dating before marriage since marriage is such

[4:45]a long term commitment while dating is what it's only a trial

[4:48]so it makes sense to try it before you get married and

[4:52]that's why to many people dating is a no-brainer all these benefits

[4:57]that come without the disadvantages of marriage so why not date what's

[5:02]the problem with dating however brothers and sisters when we come to

[5:07]the religion of islam islam is a practical religion that looks at

[5:10]all the angles of a situation yes there are certain benefits no

[5:16]one denies that even islam doesn't deny that there are benefits to

[5:19]dating but at the same time there are harms yes there are

[5:23]harms that many times we don't see that we are not aware

[5:28]of dangers embedded in dating and the holy quran gives us a

[5:32]principle anytime you have something that has good and bad you have

[5:37]to see which one outweighs the other for example allah tells us

[5:41]this about alcohol and gambling yes they asked the prophet about alcohol

[5:49]drinking alcohol and gambling the quran says there are benefits in both

[6:00]of them there's a lot of financial benefits in gambling there's financial

[6:05]benefits and alcohol selling alcohol even the person that drinks alcohol they

[6:09]feel good about themselves they can forget about their problems so there

[6:14]is good in it but the quran says but however the harm

[6:21]that results from gambling and from drinking alcohol outweighs the good anytime

[6:26]the harm outweighs the good of anything you don't do it anymore

[6:30]because you're going to get hurt here it's not worth it the

[6:35]same principle we can apply it to dating so no one is

[6:39]saying dating is a hundred percent bad there are benefits of course

[6:41]we human beings we need to live with the opposite gender we

[6:45]need a partner in our lives the human being needs intimacy we

[6:48]have the desires and obviously dating does meet some of these desires

[6:53]some of these needs but it also does more damage than it

[6:56]does good so what are the harms of dating with alcohol i

[7:02]mentioned i gave entire lecture about the harms of alcohol and why

[7:05]islam says that you have to stay away from it likewise gambling

[7:09]i think many of us know but with dating unfortunately many of

[7:13]our youth don't see the harms they just see the beauty they

[7:17]just see the bright side they don't see the dark side which

[7:20]is greater and especially for our youth for the younger ones the

[7:25]teenagers there are many risks associated with dating i mean juliet was

[7:33]only 13 when she started dating romeo right and we all know

[7:40]how that ended how that turned out but anyway on a more

[7:45]serious note one might ask what are the harms of dating because

[7:49]when we understand for ourselves when we see we realize the harms

[7:56]of dating only then we can willfully refrain versus we just consider

[7:59]it as an order from allah subhana wa to allah and islam

[8:03]is a boring religion god's just wants to restrict us no brothers

[8:08]and sisters an ignorant person says that the quran doesn't want to

[8:11]just restrict you allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wants what what's good for

[8:14]you when he tells you stay away from something it's because it's

[8:18]bad so let's take a look at the different harms of dating

[8:21]so that we understand why islam says be careful of dating stay

[8:24]away from dating before marriage number one one of the harms of

[8:31]dating is that it negatively affects your education and i'm specifically speaking

[8:35]to the younger ones middle school high school students at negatively negatively

[8:40]affects your education and there was a study done by the university

[8:44]of georgia that found this students who date in middle school listen

[8:50]carefully had significantly worse study skills than those that didn't and their

[8:58]grades were significantly worse than those that didn't date and they were

[9:03]this is what the study said and they were four times more

[9:05]likely to drop out of school than their single classmates and then

[9:12]usually they had they ended up with you know there was a

[9:17]higher chance of them ending up with a low level job and

[9:19]one reason brothers and sisters it's obvious why one reason is because

[9:23]when you're in middle school and you're you have this relationship you're

[9:28]dating this is time consuming you're sitting all night just chatting and

[9:32]texting and talking uh you know with your partner and you have

[9:36]to take her on a day you have to go out food

[9:38]theaters buy your gift so this takes a toll obviously psychologically it

[9:43]takes from your time from your focus and attention on your studies

[9:48]and that's why subhanallah you notice that usually the brightest kids in

[9:53]school are the ones that you know unfortunately but the ones that

[9:59]are considered as the nerds usually they don't date right the one

[10:02]that has a 4.5 in middle school or high school usually they

[10:06]don't date the ones that date are the ones that are is

[10:09]messy they're not on time they're they're missing class they're not doing

[10:12]so good they cheat on their tests usually of course we're not

[10:18]generalizing so number one dating while you're you're in school will negatively

[10:22]impact your studies and your grades that's number one so be careful

[10:26]don't think that it's just you know a a rosy road to

[10:32]happiness no there are dangers there are harms that's number one number

[10:38]two studies have found that dating leads to behavioral problems yes studies

[10:42]have found that students who date in middle school reported twice as

[10:49]much alcohol use tobacco use marijuana use drug use they were more

[10:54]likely to lie and cheat this was found by the university of

[10:56]georgia and the university of toronto and studies they did and the

[11:01]reason obviously once again is obvious it's because when you date you're

[11:08]more inclined to lie and cheat because many times we like to

[11:13]keep our dates and our our relationship secret especially when you're in

[11:18]middle school the parents aren't going to be okay with it so

[11:20]you're going to lie you're going to cheat just to what just

[11:24]to justify going out so that you can find time to go

[11:27]out and talk to that person that you are dating now why

[11:32]did they report more alcohol tobacco marijuana use the study didn't say

[11:36]but i think i know why there's a reason and i'll mention

[11:40]it when i mention harm number three so this is a second

[11:44]harm of dating brothers and sisters it leads to behavioral problems and

[11:48]we know in our communities you know the how plagued our communities

[11:53]are with drugs just a few days ago i saw a video

[11:58]of a guy you know lecturing all these youth about i think

[12:01]there was a uh someone in the community who had overdosed and

[12:05]died and he was just yelling at everyone until when are we

[12:07]gonna put up with this i want the parents to sit with

[12:10]their kids and put an end to this your kids are doing

[12:12]this drugs are devastating and destroying our communities and unfortunately studies are

[12:18]showing that younger kids now are doing drugs and we know how

[12:24]harmful drugs are so this is number two the second harm of

[12:27]dating number three a third harm of dating is that you see

[12:34]many times the date doesn't continue forever there is gonna be most

[12:40]likely especially for kids in school there is gonna be a day

[12:43]where one of the two decides to break up and what that

[12:48]leads to is broken heart syndrome one of the two one of

[12:53]the two parties was not ready to break up you've seen this

[12:56]in the movies you've i'm sure you've heard so many stories all

[12:59]of a sudden the other one the girl says you know i

[13:02]want to try someone else i don't want to date anymore but

[13:05]he's in love with her his heart is broken he's depressed and

[13:08]sometimes that depression of being left and dumped by the other party

[13:14]can lead to suicidal thoughts you know my grandfather said mortal kazowini

[13:20]may allah lengthen his life he says when i came to america

[13:24]in the 80s in los angeles he said they told me to

[13:27]go and attend the funeral of a young man 16 17 year

[13:32]old man muslim man he said i went i attended to do

[13:37]the janazah to pray on his on his uh on his body

[13:43]and he said when i arrived i asked the people what happened

[13:46]he's young why did he die so someone he pointed to me

[13:48]is like say don't ask now please you're gonna cause you know

[13:53]uh discomfort for the family by asking this question i said okay

[13:57]fine they'll tell me later he said after the guy that after

[14:01]i finished everything that the guy that invited me he told me

[14:04]this guy was dating a girl in school in high school all

[14:08]of a sudden he was in love with her all of a

[14:11]sudden one day she tells him i don't want to put up

[14:15]with you anymore i need a break and she dumped him he

[14:17]says that that had such a toll on him psychologically he was

[14:24]so depressed he decided to commit suicide one day his sister goes

[14:27]and opens the room she sees that he hung himself he hung

[14:30]himself why because a girl and you know that's what i mentioned

[14:35]the story of romeo and juliet this is not just a fictional

[14:38]story it happens so much brother sisters even in muslim communities because

[14:42]they're young they're kids they don't know how to deal with it

[14:44]so their first time that their heart is being broken it will

[14:48]lead to depression they don't know what to do with it it

[14:52]may lead to suicide and that's why the claim that many people

[14:56]make that you know dating helps you in getting married later right

[15:01]if it facilitates it's like you're trying and trying until you understand

[15:04]what you want and then you get married because sometimes you haven't

[15:08]discovered yourself sometimes if you just blindly enter a marriage for the

[15:11]first time later on you're going to discover many things you did

[15:15]not know so the claim that some people make that dating helps

[15:18]in the process of marriage later on is wrong brothers and sisters

[15:21]in fact nothing could be further than the truth dating not only

[15:26]does it help but it makes marriage later on more difficult why

[15:30]because when a teenager starts dating and he's innocent and then he

[15:35]expects this is going to last forever because he's in love and

[15:37]then all of a sudden he or she is dumped what happens

[15:43]is there is a scar this teenager this individual suffers from a

[15:48]scar he's scarred and he starts becoming defensive next time he starts

[15:54]what he starts reacting differently he starts being suspicious with everyone else

[15:58]second time he's dumped he becomes more suspicious fourth time fifth time

[16:03]that's why in order to secure himself in order to make sure

[16:06]that he is or she is safe they start putting so many

[16:08]conditions i want this i want why because they've been through so

[16:12]many problems because they have been betrayed before now they have become

[16:19]so insecure and defensive and that's why they throw at you so

[16:22]many conditions you see some people in in in in marriage they

[16:25]just can't settle because they're not sure is this the right person

[16:29]or will it be like the other person that betrayed me that

[16:32]i thought i loved but it turned out i didn't love so

[16:38]unfortunately unfortunately dating makes marriage more difficult and then because you have

[16:41]all of these grievances from the past that you are applying to

[16:45]this lady that you want to get married or to this man

[16:46]that you want to get married versus someone that starts fresh and

[16:51]has no expectations so this is number three the third harm of

[16:55]of of dating is that it can lead to depression suicide and

[16:58]make marriage more difficult later on number four a fourth problem of

[17:03]dating is that it increases dating increases the chance of a divorce

[17:10]after marriage why because remember like we said when you date someone

[17:14]there's no contract right there's nothing binding you never signed somewhere saying

[17:21]you know what i'll never leave and if i leave we have

[17:24]to do a divorce and split money no it's just a casual

[17:28]friendship dating relationship that i can leave and she can live whenever

[17:33]we want to when there is no binding contract and i find

[17:39]someone else that i love more that is more beautiful that is

[17:45]funnier that is nicer right or i get bored with the girl

[17:47]that i'm dating or she gets bored with me what's gonna prevent

[17:51]me from changing from dumping nothing right why should i you know

[17:55]in a marriage you're gonna say i'm married i have kids i'm

[17:59]stuck in this relationship let me try to fix it but when

[18:01]you're dating you're not stuck because there was no contract nothing forcing

[18:04]you to stay right so you're gonna easily change you're gonna easily

[18:08]dump your partner you don't like her anymore just change because this

[18:12]is a day this is not a you know there is no

[18:15]contract i can cancel any time right there's nothing going to prevent

[18:18]you from that so you're going to do it because why shouldn't

[18:22]you remember it's not haram you're going to say because you're dating

[18:24]you don't care about religion and you it's not illegal there are

[18:30]no ramifications to it so there's nothing to prevent you from doing

[18:33]it if you do it once you're gonna do it twice you're

[18:35]gonna do it three times four times 10 times 20 times until

[18:39]it becomes a habit changing your partner is going to become a

[18:42]habit because that's how we human beings are we easily get addicted

[18:47]when you teach yourself i want to change something all the time

[18:49]every year i have to get the new iphone it becomes an

[18:52]addiction even if your iphone is 100 good and working condition you

[18:57]still want to get want to get the new one when we

[18:59]teach ourselves to change it becomes an addiction dating brothers and sisters

[19:06]because of the nature of it it's not a contract it's not

[19:09]biting you're not going to force yourself to stay with that person

[19:11]the smallest problem you're going to want to leave right you're going

[19:15]to do that twice three times five times every time you date

[19:17]until it becomes what until it becomes a habit so when you

[19:23]get married it's gonna be very very difficult for you to all

[19:28]of a sudden stick to this girl or stick to this guy

[19:32]forever when you're so used to bailing out the smallest problem arises

[19:35]it's a habit it's gonna become an addiction you can't help yourself

[19:40]you can say well i'll try but you can because it's become

[19:42]a second nature you know i read a statistic that's that an

[19:45]average person in america dates at least seven times before marriage so

[19:49]six times that creates a you know a second nature habit changing

[19:54]how can he expect all the sudden that he can settle on

[19:57]one girl and she can settle on one guy for 40 50

[20:01]60 years come on brothers and sisters and that's why because because

[20:05]he or she cannot settle on this person they easily resort to

[20:10]divorce or cheating why is divorce rates so high brothers and sisters

[20:14]because dating we used to date and dump day and dump day

[20:18]and now all of a sudden stay in this marriage forever i

[20:20]can't so divorce is on the rise dating is on the rise

[20:22]divorce is on the rise or if he can't divorce for any

[20:25]social problems that there are then in that situation he'll resort to

[20:31]cheating on his wife she'll resort to cheating on him because she

[20:33]feels like she's stuck in this relationship contrary to all the years

[20:37]that she was dating he feels like he's stuck in this relationship

[20:39]so the point is brothers and sisters dating teaches as a habit

[20:43]and i've seen it in people that date it's a habit that

[20:47]they can't stick to a person they constantly want to change and

[20:50]once that habit becomes second nature they cannot stop themselves and prevent

[20:55]themselves from this habit even when they get married so they easily

[20:59]resort to divorce or to cheating this is number four number five

[21:05]the fifth harm of dating is that dating teaches you to compare

[21:10]between the different partners that you were with so for example i've

[21:16]dated 15 girls throughout my life now finally i want to marry

[21:19]this girl zainab i want to settle on zainab right and i

[21:21]want to marry her what's going to happen because you have so

[21:25]many girls that you were with and you you know experience every

[21:30]sort of of girl possible or the girl experience every type of

[21:36]personality every type of you know equalities that there are in guys

[21:38]this is gonna teach you to compare your spouse to others so

[21:42]after a couple of months you're to say you know what yeah

[21:44]number one was funnier than my wife and when we compare brothers

[21:49]and sisters we're less happy you're not going to be as happy

[21:53]with your wife because number one made you happier because number one

[21:56]was funnier you know number 12 was better looking yeah i thought

[22:00]this one's better but no number you know 39 made me feel

[22:06]better number 46 uh you know she she was smarter you're gonna

[22:11]have so many people to compare with and any time we have

[22:14]a big selection or you can compare between many different examples it's

[22:18]going to be difficult for you to be content and we also

[22:21]mentioned this about contentment how to be content do not compare your

[22:25]life to others because when you compare your marriage life to others

[22:29]your friends and your cousins and your neighbors marriage life you're going

[22:33]to be discontent you're going to you're not going to be happy

[22:35]because you're going to see what they have and what you're missing

[22:37]and that's just going to lead you to being unhappy likewise in

[22:41]your financial life don't compare your job to others that's just going

[22:44]to make me make you less happy when you have been with

[22:47]so many women you've dated or she's been with so many men

[22:51]this is obviously going to teach you this is going to compel

[22:55]you to compare your wife to all the other girls that you

[22:57]dated and when there's a wide selection to compare to the chances

[23:00]are you're not going to be too happy with your wife because

[23:04]you're not going to find a perfect girl each girl is going

[23:06]to have you know certain good things in certain negative points and

[23:11]likewise you won't find a perfect guy so you have to accept

[23:13]brothers and sisters the idea of marriage that it's a sacrifice you

[23:18]know it's it's uh it's a journey it's a difficult journey that

[23:22]we go together but you know what we we were patient together

[23:26]and we will strive to work out our problems together and that's

[23:31]why you find a rookie someone that gets married without ever dating

[23:34]and he sees a problem in his wife you know what he

[23:36]tells himself he can't compare he says you know what i bet

[23:40]this is how all marriages are you know what there is no

[23:43]one that's perfect because you assume that everyone's like that even though

[23:45]everyone is not like that but the point is it will make

[23:49]it easier for you to accept to work with your spouse and

[23:53]to be more happy with your your spouse so this is a

[23:59]problem brothers and sisters that rises from dating is that we tend

[24:01]to compare and when you compare you become less happy and like

[24:08]i said this area dating unfortunately is is an area that many

[24:12]of our youth feel they come here to america the western culture

[24:14]they see it they wanna all of a sudden be on the

[24:19]bandwagon no brothers and sisters not everything you see in the western

[24:21]culture is good this is very very destructive the idea of dating

[24:25]before marriage don't just because you live here and people do it

[24:28]just blindly go with the flow understand the harms understand the advantages

[24:33]if the advantages are more yes but here the harms are much

[24:36]more or less when our youth start seeing these dangers and understanding

[24:40]them like i said they will willfully stay away hopefully stay away

[24:43]no one has to tell you to stay away from poison you

[24:45]understand the dangers associated with it right but when someone brings to

[24:51]your attention the dangers associated to something then obviously only then you

[24:57]willfully stay away from it and finally before i end someone may

[24:59]say well if islam is against dating then how do i get

[25:05]to know the other girl right because like we said why do

[25:10]people they to try other people i date him or her for

[25:11]a couple of months if they're the right person i know that

[25:14]i fallen you know i fall in love with that person then

[25:17]i get married so if i can't date then how can i

[25:21]just blindly get married to someone you know i have to try

[25:24]them first so how can we get to know the other individual

[25:28]the partner if there is no dating acceptable in islam well brothers

[25:34]and sisters there is a way to understand you know if the

[25:37]other person is right for you first of all you don't have

[25:40]to have a first-hand experience many time brothers and sisters we're young

[25:43]we don't even know what's good for us you can ask other

[25:48]people ask wise people in the community that know that individual that

[25:50]know that family to tell you more information about the family about

[25:53]that specific girl about that specific guy people that you trust in

[25:56]the community maybe their expertise will be better than yours because sometimes

[26:02]the other person can be acting they can have history that you

[26:06]don't know right so even if you dated it doesn't necessarily mean

[26:09]and guarantee that later on you will not discover things so you

[26:12]have to investigate islam says don't blindly marry first investigate how do

[26:16]you investigate go on their social media read their social media because

[26:21]many times you know we post things on social media that reveals

[26:24]our true character our true nature and i've heard that even employers

[26:29]when they want to hire certain people they go on their facebook

[26:32]on their twitter on their instagram on their snapchat to see what

[26:36]this person is posting so that when they come they're not pretending

[26:40]to be so professional but in reality they're a goofball so this

[26:44]is something you can do investigate number two even firsthand experience is

[26:49]okay under parent you know parental supervision the guy can meet the

[26:54]girl get to know her as long as their conduct is modest

[26:56]because remember they are not mahram they cannot touch each other they

[27:02]cannot flirt he cannot see the girl without hijab despite these uh

[27:06]restrictions it is possible for me to get to know another person

[27:09]we can go out have lunch keep it professional i understand who

[27:13]this person is i ask them some questions they ask me i

[27:16]can look at them and even say listen carefully say it is

[27:19]halal for you the guy if you want to get married there's

[27:22]a prospect you can see her hair you can see her without

[27:27]hijab basically she can take off her hijab her scarf and you

[27:29]can see her her hair you can see how she looks without

[27:33]it her neck so that is even uh you know acceptable in

[27:37]islam so i don't have to date that person you know in

[27:40]that way but i can go out you know respectfully in a

[27:46]decent way under parental supervision while i of course abide by the

[27:52]laws of hijab by the laws of modesty and at the same

[27:56]time i can understand who that person is but a very important

[27:59]note brothers is that we have to understand as many people think

[28:02]that i have to fall in love with the person and then

[28:05]i get married how can i fall in love with someone if

[28:07]islam says you're not allowed today islam the quran says this is

[28:12]wrong brothers and sisters islam doesn't look at it this way islam

[28:15]says love comes after marriage it's godly given to you because they

[28:20]say love isn't always you know there isn't a formula for love

[28:24]oh how to love someone how to fall in love no sometimes

[28:26]it happens for random reasons you see two people they don't even

[28:30]match you know in our eyes but they are in love with

[28:33]each other so love brothers and sisters is you know comes in

[28:37]mysterious ways it comes from allah subhanahu ta'ala as well so the

[28:41]quran tells us that love doesn't come before marriage let me day

[28:44]i fall in love then get married no get married investigate of

[28:48]course get married and then allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will naturally give

[28:52]you the love place the love in the hearts of the guy

[28:57]and the girl that he created the two genders and he instituted

[29:15]and he legislated marriage and then allah says and he gave allah

[29:30]and mercy in the hearts of the two spouses so after marriage

[29:34]allah places places love places respect places mercy how does that come

[29:42]allah subhanahu ta'ala mysteriously can make me fall in love with someone

[29:49]as long as you do what's right you choose the right factors

[29:54]right remember the hadith of rasulullah that the two most important factors

[29:57]in marriage are what are faith faith which is what which is

[30:01]iman and i spoke about this in the lecture regarding alcohol why

[30:05]is faith important in in a marriage you may say i don't

[30:09]care if the person prays or not how's that going to help

[30:12]me and in my marriage no it helps you because when someone

[30:14]has faith they fear allah and if they fear allah they will

[30:16]not oppress the other person when a guy beats his wife he

[30:22]doesn't fear allah because this is haram when a girl disrespects her

[30:25]husband or one of or when either one of them they cheat

[30:29]on each other it's because they don't fear allah when there is

[30:32]fear of allah this fear keeps both of them behaving it's a

[30:34]deterrent from infringing on the rights of the other and oppressing the

[30:42]other so the prophet said number one piety which means fear of

[30:45]allah it doesn't mean how many times you pray sometimes it's just

[30:49]a show it means if they truly genuinely fear allah subhanahu wa

[30:52]ta'ala and number two he said manners are they courteous are they

[30:56]respectful are they nice you know that sometimes you have someone who's

[31:01]religious faithful but they're back-tempered right they have no patience they're angry

[31:06]they're stingy they're greedy no are these virtuous individuals or people that

[31:12]are filled with vice so number one look at the number one

[31:15]look at the iman which is the fear of allah and number

[31:20]two the virtues that truly make the human being a pious servant

[31:25]of allah if you look at these two at these two factors

[31:30]and you make them the most important things everything else is secondary

[31:34]you can add other things beauty wealth personality humor whatever that's also

[31:40]you know something you can keep in mind but it's only secondary

[31:43]to these two this the quran says is the formula and the

[31:48]recipe to a successful marriage and based on experience it has shown

[31:53]that the individuals that fear allah those individuals that have the most

[31:57]successful happy marriages i ask allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to bless us

[32:02]and to give us the toffee and the ability that we can

[32:07]truly understand the harms of dating and not just go with the

[32:10]flow and accept it and do it just because the western culture

[32:14]just because other people do it here in america doesn't mean it's

[32:16]right brothers and sisters we're muslims we believe in god we believe

[32:19]in the quran we believe allah is more wise than us allah

[32:22]has the all-wise and whatever he tells us definitely there is benefit

[32:28]for us and interest for us in the dunya in this life

[32:31]and it is better for our next life of course ask allah

[32:35]to forgive us all of our deeds i ask allah to protect

[32:37]you all throughout this pandemic ask allah subhanahu [Music] foreign

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