Hitting Women In the Quran (Tafsir) - Dr. Sayed Ammar Nakshawani - Night 3

33 المشاهدات· 24/03/24

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[0:03]the holy month of ramadan is upon us once again and inshaallah

[0:07]allah will be accepted and relief foundation once again are running the

[0:12]ramadan food basket campaign each food washing contains food essentials such as

[0:21]flour rice oil meats vegetables tea lemons and not forgetting dates each

[0:28]food waste is only 20 pounds or 25 us dollars and can

[0:33]feed a family of four for up to 10 days [Music] foreign

[1:02][Music] i'm [Music] yes [Music] [Music] is hitting woman allowed in the

[1:56]quran i must admit that one of the most troubling verses in

[2:01]the holy quran which i always get asked about by muslims and

[2:07]non-muslims alike is the verse that discusses hitting woman it's troubling for

[2:13]a number of reasons because on the first level i'm someone who's

[2:17]devoted to my faith devoted to my literature devoted to my scripture

[2:23]and in being devoted to that scripture living a thousand four hundred

[2:30]years away from when this scripture was being revealed means that i

[2:36]don't have access to the prophet peace be upon him and his

[2:40]family to ask him what is the exact context of the verse

[2:45]that discusses hitting a female in my world view they surely is

[2:54]no situation no context where a female should be hit by anyone

[2:59]and yeah i look at the book that i value the most

[3:02]and the book that i see is the most sacred and i

[3:07]come to surah 4 34 of the holy quran which i hope

[3:11]all the viewers are looking at at this moment and i see

[3:15]the word in the english language when i read the translation i

[3:18]see hit them some say beat them some say strike them and

[3:27]you cannot deny that at this moment you are disturbed and i

[3:32]know people in the muslim community who either want to ask the

[3:37]question about this ayah this particular verse or are troubled by it

[3:43]but are scared that if they ask a question concerning it the

[3:46]community may condemn them that's how could you question what's in the

[3:50]holy quran the reality is that my lord subhana wa ta'ala asks

[3:55]me to reflect on the verses of the holy quran my lord

[3:59]asks me to reflect to unlock to delve deep into the secrets

[4:03]of the verses and the majority of the verses of the quran

[4:08]about marriage seem quite normal to me if i look for example

[4:13]at a verse like in surah 30 21 of the holy quran

[4:17]i'll find a verse which i think every muslim and non-muslim will

[4:22]agree with me is a pretty pleasant verse surah 30 verse 21

[4:26]of the holy quran you'll find for example a verse that many

[4:30]people will recite when it comes to their wedding ceremonies it's a

[4:34]verse which is easy is a verse which is pleasant it's not

[4:39]a verse which causes you much difficulty when you reflect upon it

[4:43]in surah 30 verse number 21 of the holy quran allah mentions

[4:48]to us his signs and he tells us and from his signs

[5:00]is that he has created for you mates pairs so that you

[5:08]may dwell with one another live amongst one another has made between

[5:19]us a reciprocal love and mercy that verse when i show it

[5:24]to people they're like wow masha allah marriage and islam is very

[5:29]pleasant now one of the signs of allah is that there is

[5:31]a partner for me somewhere in this world and that partner for

[5:36]me is someone who we're going to enjoy reciprocity when it comes

[5:40]to love and mercy maybe at the beginning it's complete love later

[5:44]on we're merciful to each other as we grow older for example

[5:48]then you look at another verse of the holy quran again marriage

[5:51]seems to be pleasant again in other verses in the quran where

[5:56]allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says marry the single ones from amongst you

[5:59]if they are poor god will make them rich or if you

[6:03]remember yesterday when i discussed they are a clothing for you and

[6:06]you are a clothing for them they are a clothing for you

[6:13]you are a clothing for them generally the verses in the quran

[6:17]that are discussing marriage are discussing happy family arguably the verse which

[6:27]is always seen as being troublesome for muslims and for non-muslims is

[6:32]verse 34 of surah 4 of the holy quran now there are

[6:36]majes that i and others give about such verses but i don't

[6:40]think many people have actually opened surat in this and looked at

[6:43]the verse itself but you may have had someone at university or

[6:46]someone like college say bro does your religion allow wife beating the

[6:51]sad thing is that in the muslim world i could say in

[6:54]the human population sadly in general because there are non-muslims in the

[6:58]world who sometimes the effect of alcohol has led them to leave

[7:02]more than battering and bruising on their wives and more than battering

[7:07]on bruising on women in their society but in the muslim world

[7:11]we find that there are an unbelievable number of cases where men

[7:16]use physical violence not just emotional abuse which can be worse sometimes

[7:21]but use physical violence against someone who they may devour and a

[7:26]commitment that they would look after and that they would protect they

[7:32]asked their in-laws one day for that girl's hand and they said

[7:37]we'll protect her and you found that even though these people may

[7:42]be named after prophets even though these people praise salah even though

[7:46]these people may be at jummah even though these people may claim

[7:52]to love muhammad al muhammad sallallahu alaihi will still find situations where

[7:57]they have hit their wife when you sit with these people some

[8:02]of them will admit that they've made a grievous error they've made

[8:05]a huge mistake and they feel guilty because of what they've done

[8:09]they've recognized that was a foolish thing that they've done when you

[8:14]sit with others they actually in some cases have used the quran

[8:18]as a backup for why it's okay to hit your wife someone

[8:24]when they hear them say that the quran allows me many muslims

[8:29]have not memorized this verse of the quran if you go to

[8:33]many muslims in the world and you say to them that the

[8:38]i and the quran have you memorized that many have not so

[8:43]when someone says to them that i found an ayah in the

[8:46]quran for many muslims they'll be like there's no way the quran

[8:49]allows hitting woman there's no way the quran allows for a person

[8:53]to hit their wife but then we see this ayah and when

[8:56]we see this ayah we encounter a couple of difficulties in what

[9:02]normally comes regarding an ayah you know the moral unease that many

[9:07]people feel at the moment when it comes to the verse concerning

[9:13]hitting woman i don't think there was that much moral unease 500

[9:17]years ago in the middle east and certain patriarchal societies where some

[9:24]male chauvinists were living there was a misogynistic tendency in some cases

[9:30]to say well what's wrong what's wrong you disobey me i'm the

[9:35]leader of this house i'm the man of this house you disobey

[9:39]me i'll i'll hit you i'll smack you there are some people

[9:42]because the cooking is late the food is late because she didn't

[9:46]answer the phone who don't just smack they'll scratch the face and

[9:51]they'll scratch the body of the person we've had to deal with

[9:54]cases in the muslim community where ladies have been bruised and battered

[10:00]and men because of their world view where they've seen their father

[10:05]say listen you're the man act like a man acting like a

[10:10]man does not mean you beat somebody's daughter or you hit somebody's

[10:16]sister but they can sometimes back it up by going to this

[10:19]verse of the quran when they go to this verse this is

[10:23]not the only thing they back it up with because what they'll

[10:26]also do they'll go to samaraja if you go for example on

[10:33]the website of a merger when you go to the section of

[10:36]nikah and under that the subsection of and disobedience you'll find that

[10:44]even the margin says that one of the steps is that you

[10:48]hit her now we have an issue because we're going to look

[10:54]at the quran we're going to try and explain it but can

[10:56]we deflect ourselves from the fact that in certain leading jurists they

[11:03]still mention that hitting is one of the cures one of the

[11:09]remedies one of the things which is permissible according to the holy

[11:13]quran if your merger and probably the most famous merger in the

[11:17]shire world has on their website and the section of nikah under

[11:20]the section of the car there is a section of under that

[11:26]section he discusses the disobedience of the wife and he discusses the

[11:35]disobedience of the husband most of you watching at home can see

[11:39]that this verse is saying man their caretakers a woman as men

[11:43]have been provided by allah over women and tasked with supporting them

[11:45]financially and righteous women are devoutly obedient and when alone protective of

[11:50]what allah has entrusted with them with and if you sense ill

[11:55]conduct from your woman advise them first if they persist do not

[11:59]share the bids but if they still persist then discipline them interesting

[12:05]in that translation for the viewers on the screen what's interesting is

[12:10]that the word gently was included there is no word gently in

[12:14]the quran the word gently a person had to refer to tafsir

[12:20]but for many they will not go to tradition they will stick

[12:24]with the quran therefore when a person looks at this verse there

[12:29]is no mentioning of gently i see that in this verse of

[12:36]the quran it says and hit them and strike them and beat

[12:40]them and there is definitely an unease in the muslim community because

[12:44]there are many in the muslim community at the moment who look

[12:46]at this verse and they're thinking you know what i would never

[12:49]do it but i see it in the quran but what context

[12:53]is it being revealed in the quran what's happening why is god

[12:56]mentioning such a thing because you know what our biggest problem is

[13:00]what if someone takes it out of context and abuses it at

[13:03]the end of the day if we say the quran is a

[13:05]book for mankind until the day of judgment why wasn't there for

[13:11]example a chapter or a verse that abrogated this verse couldn't a

[13:14]muslim come 500 years later and say if my lord allowed it

[13:17]so what's your problem i want to hit your mom some of

[13:22]us have been in houses where we've seen our fathers hit our

[13:26]mothers what if our father comes to this ayah therefore tonight my

[13:30]dear brother sisters wherever you may be pick up the quran surah

[13:32]4 verse number 34 let's try and explore and break down this

[13:37]particular chapter we begin that the chapter itself what's it named after

[13:44]sora in english what's this said women so we have a chapter

[13:51]of the holy quran which is discussing issues concerning women this chapter

[13:56]of the quran chapter 4 looks at issues where women are leading

[14:01]normal lives or where some women may be leading abnormal lives women

[14:07]who are living in a pleasant life woman who may be living

[14:12]in difficult lives women who are facing trials with their marriages where

[14:16]they are at fault trials with their marriages where others are at

[14:19]fault women who for example are living in a world where they

[14:25]have to share their marital life with other women surat nisa literally

[14:28]tries to open up every single situation that women who are living

[14:33]in arabia at the time are facing sword in this was not

[14:38]revealed to say by the way we're only going to talk about

[14:41]the good situations that every woman will go through and we're not

[14:43]going to talk about difficult moments in the life of the female

[14:47]no when a chapter of a revealed text is named after this

[14:55]particular gender it wants to open up on the many normal situations

[14:57]that many of us are used to as well as abnormalities there

[15:03]are some women who live in happy marriages there are some women

[15:06]who live in sad marriages there are some women who live in

[15:09]abusive marriages there are some women who are not to blame for

[15:11]anything that happens in the house sadly they were forced into some

[15:15]marriages in arabia at the time there are women who are forced

[15:19]to marry their stepsons islam came and discussed it what is this

[15:23]that you arabs force the lady to marry her stepson imagine for

[15:28]example my father was married to my mom my mom died so

[15:32]my father married another lady when my father passed away that lady

[15:35]became my inheritance so it would be what else would be discussed

[15:41]those ladies you can marry temporarily those ladies you can marry permanently

[15:45]what else was discussed those ladies who are widows what else was

[15:50]discussed those ladies who you cannot marry can you marry your mother

[15:54]no can you marry your sister no so surat nisa is not

[15:58]a chapter for the faint-hearted surat nisa seeks to explore the many

[16:04]different situations that women may find themselves in and that not all

[16:11]marriages are the same allah of course wants the muslim living at

[16:18]that time to make sure that they recognize that they live with

[16:22]their wives with their partners honorably because about 15 verses before verse

[16:29]34 in surah 4 verse number 19 you've got allah subhanahu wa

[16:34]ta'ala saying bismillah you live with them and that which is honorable

[16:42]so 15 verses before this verse nobody of course mentions what's come

[16:47]before this verse they go straight to the verse but 15 verses

[16:50]before this verse allah is telling us that you live with them

[16:56]with that which is honorable there are other translations as well in

[17:00]this verse therefore god is speaking right at the beginning about a

[17:05]very normal family structure islamically let's see what it says if you

[17:17]look at the meaning of kawamun the problem is sometimes the translations

[17:21]we have can be translations written by someone who sees that he's

[17:25]in charge of his marriage that lady is literally a slave for

[17:30]him then you could see know that there are others who recognize

[17:33]that my societal influence is not going to affect the way i

[17:40]look at the tafsir rather for me i recognize kawamuna is there

[17:44]an i in the quran where allah uses scarf and allah uses

[17:52]for example yah meme to talk about how he is the caretaker

[17:56]for everything in the heavens and the earth and he protects everything

[17:58]in the heavens and the earth and i tell corsi how does

[18:03]idol corsi begin allah read it for me said muhammad i tell

[18:09]corsi how does it begin means the one who is the caretaker

[18:20]of everything the one because there are many who recite it but

[18:24]they don't know what the meaning of what they're reciting the one

[18:35]who oversees everything he is the one who protects everything caretaker of

[18:41]everything men are the protectors of woman men are not the bosses

[19:06]of woman men are not in charge of women men are the

[19:12]protectors the maintainers is sometimes the translation that you see here is

[19:20]defining for us masculinity in which way not in the sense of

[19:25]what muscles you have or which car you drive but in your

[19:29]readiness to protect that lady who you've taken into your life you

[19:33]know how a caretaker looks after a school he looks after every

[19:38]single aspect of that school he doesn't leave an area untouched and

[19:42]that relationship is a trivial relationship my lord if he's the caretaker

[19:47]of the heavens and the earth he has not left an area

[19:49]untouched every single thing is guided every single thing is protected likewise

[19:57]men are the protectors of women why be has caused some men

[20:15]to excel in some things over some woman doesn't mean men are

[20:21]the protectors of woman because men are better than women that's not

[20:25]what it says men are the protectors of woman why because he

[20:41]has caused men to excel in some areas above some woman that

[20:48]is not a negative rather on the one hand if i say

[20:52]for example there are two doctors and i say that this doctor

[20:58]is better suited for this job because he excels in some areas

[21:04]above that doctor doesn't mean that he's a better doctor but maybe

[21:08]for that ward maybe for that department maybe for that institution that

[21:13]doctor suits this more than the other doctor here many unfortunately when

[21:19]they translate to say men are in charge of woman because men

[21:23]are better than women god has made men better than women no

[21:26]men are the protectors of woman allah subhanahu wa ta'ala when he

[21:35]says he's reminding you i am the king likewise there's a which

[21:38]is given to you allah maybe socially speaking at the time and

[21:48]maybe in many parts of the world until today men may have

[21:53]certain things within them some men which has caused them to excel

[21:58]above some woman and which allows them therefore to maintain the woman

[22:03]for example if i was just to give one example you see

[22:07]sometimes that there are certain countries where the only way you're going

[22:12]to be able to work and maintain your household is by working

[22:15]late at night late shifts as much as we've lived in a

[22:20]society which has kept on stressing that there is nothing wrong with

[22:23]a lady taking on a late shift at work and we agree

[22:27]there are many doctors we would not be around if it wasn't

[22:29]for their late shift where they helped us in the hospital but

[22:32]there is still a danger involved which sadly we saw in london

[22:36]only a few weeks ago where a lady was butchered in a

[22:42]certain part of london because that lady coming back home darkness of

[22:46]the night and so on that lady was better than the person

[22:50]who killed her was better than probably most of the people in

[22:53]that area but in terms of maintaining that house in terms of

[23:00]protection the man may be given certain things where they excel above

[23:03]what above the lady and the house yes some might say to

[23:08]me say no there are some ladies who are bread winners now

[23:10]there are some ladies who are earning more than their husbands i

[23:13]don't deny that that there are ladies who earn more but generally

[23:17]speaking generally you'll find that in the majority of the continents in

[23:22]the world men are the breadwinners men go out of their houses

[23:23]men sometimes come back late alone they can walk through anywhere at

[23:27]any time they don't face any situation where they find a particular

[23:31]difficulty so here you see that the beginning of the verse is

[23:37]trying to establish a particular family structure that men are the protectors

[23:43]of woman and even today there are some people who aren't muslim

[23:47]but they still will agree with this there are some people we

[23:52]know that they'll attack they'll say look at muslims saying men are

[23:54]higher than women so no there are some who still say that

[23:58]there is nothing more beloved to me than walking hand in hand

[24:01]with my husband who acts as a shield for me a protector

[24:02]for me i feel so comfortable when i'm walking with my husband

[24:06]in the middle of the park i feel so comfortable when i'm

[24:10]away on holiday with my husband he acts as somebody who i

[24:13]know is a pillar of strength for me so here this beginning

[24:16]of this verse and they are the ones who have to maintain

[24:32]the woman by what by nafaka they are the ones who must

[24:40]make sure that the payments that everything that our expenses for that

[24:46]marriage the man is the one who it is obligatory on them

[24:49]to maintain their wife and to maintain the household a muslim woman

[24:54]can work no problem no problem at all but does she have

[24:58]to pay for what's in the house no is she obliged to

[25:05]no who is maintenance on husband the husband it is obligatory on

[25:17]them to maintain their wife here allah says they protect their wife

[25:27]and in the protection of their wife they are to maintain her

[25:32]even if that wife came from a certain type of living before

[25:35]say you marry a girl and that girl lived a particular luxury

[25:39]life before can she demand from you that you ma make her

[25:43]live that life until today yes you can in islam she can

[25:48]so here the husband unfortunately you have some who are under the

[25:52]assumption that when you get married both of you are the ones

[25:56]have to pay no nafaka dictates that the husband the right of

[25:59]the wife over the husband is what is that he maintains her

[26:06]if the husband stops maintaining then the husband falls into the category

[26:10]of disobedience that's of course not to say that the wife cannot

[26:25]help the husband there are many who for example today in the

[26:29]muslim community when they want to come together for example to pay

[26:33]the tuition fees of a school that wife may work the husband

[26:36]may work and the wife may contribute but is that contribution something

[26:41]obligatory on her not at all does she even have to contribute

[26:47]a penny not at all then the quran continues in terms of

[26:53]those righteous wives they are wives who are obedient to allah subhanahu

[26:59]wa'ta'ala some say no it's obedient to me i'm the husband that

[27:03]wife is obedient to me obedience to allah will bring obedience to

[27:07]you don't worry as someone who is obedient to their lord is

[27:10]going to be somebody who's going to make sure that's on their

[27:13]areas where it's the right of the husband they're going to be

[27:17]there and they're going to be obedient to what their lord has

[27:22]commanded in many cases refers to obedience righteous wives who are they

[27:34]they are the ones who are obedient to their lord they guard

[27:41]that which their lord has dictated that they god i god for

[27:46]example the secrets of the house i guard with dignity when i

[27:53]go out i god with modesty i god with respect so here

[27:56]the righteous wives are the ones who there is an obedience to

[28:04]allah and the guarding of that dignity which allah ordained for them

[28:09]to god the opposite of this would be disobedience do you agree

[28:13]the opposite of this criteria would be someone who is the opposite

[28:20]of righteous the righteous are those who are obedient to allah so

[28:23]someone who's opposite would be what disobedient to allah the righteous are

[28:28]those who guard their dignity the opposite would be someone who completely

[28:33]breaks their dignity we move here from a family structure that is

[28:39]seen as happy family and normal to a case where in nisa

[28:46]god is referring to a particular disobedience that may affect some woman

[28:51]in their lives what does the quran say and those women those

[29:04]who you continue to be afraid of them and their disobedience sometimes

[29:28]nashes those who suddenly they're rising to a level which is outside

[29:38]the boundary of what's expected in terms of a wife in islamic

[29:42]thought means you continue to fear a disobedience from them those wives

[29:55]those ladies you're married to you continue to fear a particular disobedience

[30:07]which is now part of their life those wives who you fear

[30:22]a continuing form of disobedience that doesn't seem to stop you've noticed

[30:29]that there's a particular form of disobedience that you've seen in front

[30:34]of you opposite to what god had wanted god had wanted obedience

[30:39]now this person is performing an act which is in disobedience to

[30:45]god what they were guarding in terms of dignity now they're doing

[30:49]something which is not dignified example i fear that i've noticed my

[31:03]missus is for example hanging out with somebody quite regularly even though

[31:13]they're just supposedly friends there are people who face such situations and

[31:19]i don't want to say that adultery is something that only affects

[31:22]the female affects the male obviously but there are some crazy stories

[31:29]about adultery and anyone who reads the tabloids or other newspapers or

[31:33]watches certain tv shows you always are in disbelief how this person

[31:36]they found out that they were in affair with so and so

[31:39]and that they had been happily married to so-and-so there are some

[31:44]famous hollywood actors and actresses who have been involved in affairs where

[31:49]you could be married to somebody from one of the most famous

[31:53]shows in the world and you end up marrying the lady who

[31:55]you worked on a film with both of them are the two

[31:57]most beautiful ladies in the world but because you worked with one

[32:00]particular lady on a particular film you completely forgot the friends the

[32:04]friend that you had the wife that you had and you moved

[32:08]on to another lady completely sometimes that meaning of the shoes at

[32:14]the most extreme is that you've noticed that this person's hanging with

[32:23]so and so they're going out with them everywhere they're spending late

[32:28]nights with them let's not talk about today today in terms of

[32:34]many men it'll be like bro he's just a just a friend

[32:36]to her honestly it's just a friend they just go uni together

[32:40]arabs are now being spoken to who in those days if they

[32:46]found out that their misses was for example in a relationship with

[32:53]somebody else you think the arab would come and sit with the

[32:56]misses and be like listen you know there's something i want to

[32:58]talk with you about but can we like go for a coffee

[33:00]and talk about it arab would be like where's my sword bring

[33:04]me a knife i'm going to kill and it weren't just the

[33:08]arabs there were many empires that had that there were many empires

[33:12]if they found out that their missiles was with somebody else there

[33:14]was no such thing as discussion when i'm reading this chapter of

[33:19]the holy quran my dear brothers and sisters i'm going back 14

[33:22]centuries i'm going back to people who wouldn't allow a baby girl

[33:28]to grow up because they were worried she might fall in love

[33:33]with the son of a tribal leader who they hated so instead

[33:37]of letting the girl grow up they would actually batter the girl

[33:41]and bury her alive the female baby will ask on the day

[33:49]of judgment for what reason was i buried alive when this quran

[33:55]is speaking to them it knows that listen um we're trying to

[33:58]structure an understanding in all your minds that a woman in your

[34:02]life is to be protected is to be honored you have to

[34:06]look after her financially in absolutely everything but we also appreciate that

[34:15]these relationships can go wrong if they do go wrong and you

[34:23]feel that there's a a continuing disobedience you feel that there's a

[34:28]continuing you fear that there's a continuing disobedience don't pick up a

[34:35]sword and kill her don't get up and say that you know

[34:45]what tribal death honor death that might not be the only meaning

[34:54]of however another meaning of disobedient is when you blatantly notice that

[35:04]every time you want to come near her for physical relations she

[35:09]blatantly just bows you off she just says no i'm maintaining this

[35:15]house and i'm gonna protect you i won't let a human touch

[35:20]you i won't let anyone near you i'll build the best house

[35:26]as i can i have a right i have a right a

[35:30]physical desire as a human being no i'm busy no you know

[35:35]what sofa sofa sofa later next time i'm tired i'm busy i

[35:38]will come to that discussion by the way because that can be

[35:42]looked at negatively and positively there are some will do it purposely

[35:46]maybe they're not attracted to the guy anymore maybe they've got feelings

[35:50]for another guy and you've noticed that your missus who used to

[35:53]be really close to you doesn't even stand you when you come

[35:57]to the bedroom anymore what's going on what's going on i used

[36:01]to be the best and most good looking things in sliced bread

[36:05]and now when i come near you what's going on i'm not

[36:09]understanding why you're not talking to me is there someone else what's

[36:14]happening tell me they say another example of no shoes is to

[36:24]continuously for example i see her leave the house and nothing's being

[36:29]discussed with me now again it can be looked at positively negatively

[36:32]you know this discussion there is a no-win situation because there'll always

[36:36]be someone who'll say but wait i understand i understand completely that's

[36:40]why we find sometimes an unease with discussing this because we can

[36:43]never imagine putting ourselves in this situation but the aim of surat

[36:48]and nisa is to try and look at every situation that could

[36:51]come about in this is trying to show that listen this could

[36:55]happen as well where you've got somebody who instead of being obedient

[36:59]to allah completely disobedient even the laws of fick doesn't make a

[37:02]difference to me now and not only that the dignity that they

[37:06]had is gone they don't mind you know what i'm going out

[37:09]with my friends you could do nothing about it okay going out

[37:12]with your friends can be something which is pleasurable for the guy

[37:15]you know sometimes there are guys who joke that you know what

[37:20]i don't mind her going out because sometimes it gives me a

[37:22]break from the lectures that i'm receiving at home one of my

[37:25]friends said to me you know what i miss so much about

[37:28]majesty hussein and kovid he goes not just the medullas he goes

[37:30]i can take a break from the missus for a few hours

[37:32]now i'm just saying that in jest by the way i don't

[37:34]mean that in disrespect to any lady out there but there'll be

[37:37]some who'll say that you know what i don't mind my misses

[37:40]going out for a certain period of time but then it could

[37:43]reach a situation it could you're no one to tell me when

[37:45]i could go out i'll come back whenever i want to come

[37:47]back i'll go to whoever's house i want to go okay but

[37:50]why are you coming back at those hours what's happened to our

[37:53]marriage what's happened to the relationship so you have no shoes being

[37:59]defined in different ways either fear for example that somebody is having

[38:04]an extra marital affair because i'm noticing that you're very close to

[38:10]this person and you're not with me anymore or that this person

[38:14]when i'm even going near them for physical relations they're not interested

[38:18]and they make excuse after excuse or that they're just leaving the

[38:25]house and they come back and even when they come back at

[38:27]whatever time they want to if i dare say something the arab

[38:30]in the 7th century what do you think his reaction would have

[38:33]been if the mrs comes home at 4 00 am what's the

[38:37]arab doing arab that says sword do you agree that there are

[38:42]some arabs will still take the sword out today do you think

[38:47]that jayahilya ended jahli has not ended there are still tribes in

[38:52]the arabian peninsula if his daughter comes home at a certain hour

[38:56]he's not sitting talking to her the quran wanted to change that

[39:00]the quran said you now as a man you've got this certain

[39:06]feeling that you know i don't know what's going on i go

[39:09]near her not interested i see her chatting to others i don't

[39:12]know who they are they're all hanging out with each other i

[39:14]don't know which one she's attracted to i don't know which one

[39:16]she chills with i don't know if there's actually a relationship there

[39:19]isn't a relationship i don't know what to say i don't know

[39:22]what to do this is getting to me the quran people said

[39:25]was a book only of history what is happening here in the

[39:27]quran happens exactly in london today happens in new york happens in

[39:34]toronto happens in many places the moral unease that i find with

[39:40]the hitting woman verse normally stems from my perception that allah is

[39:44]giving a free ride can't blanch to anyone to go and hit

[39:48]the context that's being discussed is that allah is talking to a

[39:54]community that when they had a bit of doubt they would just

[39:58]kill here it says number one you think the mrs is having

[40:05]an affair with someone you think that you when you approach the

[40:09]mrs to fulfill your desire she's not interested must mean that she's

[40:15]with someone else you think for example that you're misses going out

[40:18]late she's not even caring whether you accept whether you don't accept

[40:22]i've got my life i'm independent first thing that means what talk

[40:29]to them sit and talk to them advice but make sure you're

[40:35]in a prac in a position to advise if i'm going out

[40:39]till 4am 5am every night and then i want to come and

[40:44]advise the business when she's going out practice what you preach why

[40:54]do you say that which you don't do when the quran said

[40:59]if i fear a continuing form of a continuing form of disobedience

[41:05]with my misses i'm telling my mrs for example why is it

[41:10]that you're so and so you're talking to this guy and you're

[41:13]talking to that guy i fear something's happening here and i'm an

[41:16]arab i'm living in the 7th century i want to do something

[41:19]the quran said first talk to her but make sure you're not

[41:22]the type of guy who's with everybody while your missus is at

[41:25]home people forget to mention someone says no no but you know

[41:30]man it's different for men and so on okay they'll bring you

[41:35]all the traditions that the man has a particular right and that

[41:38]he has the right to be jealous but a lady cannot be

[41:42]jealous but the world that we live in today you can't be

[41:44]coming and telling something to your message which you yourself are not

[41:49]practicing what the quran wanted was for you to sit with each

[41:52]other listen you know what why you and that guy hanging around

[41:57]with each other so much you come home you don't chat to

[42:00]me but with him you chat for hours you enjoy going for

[42:03]a meal with that person but with me there's nothing what's wrong

[42:06]tell me and if at that moment the two of you feel

[42:10]the relationship is dying there's a couple of things either on the

[42:16]one hand see counselling sits with somebody who can advise you maybe

[42:22]the relationship does need working on the other hand not something we

[42:26]want to encourage but if the relationship has died don't force it

[42:29]because of your parents or because of your tribe if you can

[42:34]tell that this person when you're advising them the quran says the

[42:37]first thing you should do is advise never ever do you go

[42:42]near hitting your wife because of this you sit with her you've

[42:47]been given a task to protect her in good times and bad

[42:52]sit and talk had the quran said foreign [Applause] invite towards the

[43:20]way of allah with what with a kind exaltation and wisdom and

[43:28]say to them that which is better my dear if i've neglected

[43:34]my duty towards you tell me i love you i miss you

[43:39]i am willing to come back maybe i've neglected you my dear

[43:44]i'm sorry because sometimes when your partner you see an issues from

[43:49]them sometimes it was all your fault nobody else's you neglected the

[43:53]misses where was your love note to the missus where was your

[43:57]text messaging where was the moments of saying so you look beautiful

[44:00]do you know how many men cause hurt to their wives because

[44:06]all they do is make fun of her day and night and

[44:07]then later where does that lady end up when she ends up

[44:11]not wanting you to come near her physically or she ends up

[44:15]wanting to leave the house she leaves the house because the energy

[44:18]in the house is negative the energy in the house is an

[44:25]energy which is destructive you look fat today oh you've got fatter

[44:28]oh you don't look nice than that oh you don't look nice

[44:30]at this oh you're cooking is this oh you're this is this

[44:36]moava should come from a pure heart where a person reflects why

[44:44]has this happened and i believe that when a person does reflect

[44:49]and they're sincere there are ways of reconciling there's no need to

[44:52]move on to stage two or to stage three at all straight

[44:56]away when you're like listen you know what i've neglected you or

[45:01]if you want to go out let's have dinner let's talk about

[45:04]it let's change atmosphere maybe maybe we go on holiday sometimes there

[45:09]are people who have kids as soon as they have kids they

[45:11]never go on holiday alone with each other why because one side

[45:13]or the other saying i can't leave the kids but you know

[45:17]my husband is a big problem okay but you make your mind

[45:19]up as in like yo he's telling you let's go on holiday

[45:22]you're saying i will only go on holiday if the kids come

[45:24]probably there are grandparents there who could look after those shows go

[45:30]for a few days rekindle the relationship and believe you me when

[45:33]the quran was saying this you think an arab was understanding this

[45:35]easily arabs like what she doesn't come near my bed and you

[45:42]are telling me that i go and sit with her and rekindle

[45:44]over a candlelight camel honestly there were some arabs who were baffled

[45:50]by this because there were some arabs who were like i've seen

[45:55]my girl be quite rude on some things i'm not going to

[46:04]be the one who's who's to blame you know what's all her

[46:07]no the quran said you clearly have a fear of them continuing

[46:14]this sit with them talk it's not the end of the world

[46:21]say in the question what if i sat with i took her

[46:22]out for dinner we had a great munch i bought dessert i

[46:25]bought things i never buy i took her to a restaurant a

[46:28]week later still back to normal back to the same unfortunately there's

[46:33]been no change there's been no change talk to her again the

[46:40]aim of this verse was saying what she's not my summer she

[46:45]may make a mistake make a hundred excuses for her mistake talk

[46:49]to her say it now i said to her you know what

[46:52]next week let's go out and watch a film together so we

[46:56]went out and watched the film we came back a few days

[47:00]later i go near her not interested she went out and said

[47:02]to me listen you like it you don't like it i'm going

[47:04]out and i'm not coming back of course she came back saying

[47:12]but what do i do the quran said the second stage because

[47:14]most people have the impression that as soon as you're unhappy hit

[47:18]the wife and there are unfortunate muslims who do that there are

[47:21]muslims who batter their wives why was she late i'm gonna batter

[47:25]her baba wait talk to the talk discuss after that what did

[47:32]the quran say was some say separate the beds normally it will

[47:41]be on the on the couch and the mrs will stay on

[47:46]the bed or for example turn your backs to one another when

[47:50]you're sleeping although they say it's never advisable for a couple to

[47:54]sleep on a fight sort out your issue then go to sleep

[47:57]but in this situation listen bro i took her up for lunch

[48:00]i bought her flowers i bought her chocolates i said to her

[48:04]i love you i said to her let things change she's still

[48:06]doing what she's doing bro come on 20 years ago we used

[48:11]to bury these girls alive and now you're telling me i have

[48:12]to follow a step-by-step process that was the aim of nisa it

[48:17]was telling you that the nisa are to be treated in a

[48:18]certain way and that isn't you burying them alive nor you battering

[48:24]them if you don't follow these ways then it's a sin on

[48:26]you so if you claim to be a muslim who's submitting to

[48:30]the path of god then you follow these steps what's the second

[48:36]step i've advised i've told her let things change nothing's changed now

[48:39]when we go up to bed i put my back to her

[48:43]i don't even want to look at her you'd think at this

[48:47]stage the heart might soften do you agree that at this stage

[48:50]she might turn around and say you know what i miss you

[48:54]and there are some situations where you know the the guy might

[48:58]just touch touch the lady and just be like you know i

[49:02]miss you or crack a joke for example with one another which

[49:06]brings back a certain memory you know there are ways never should

[49:14]it reach a stage where you hit your wife there are ways

[49:16]in which you talk with the person change the atmosphere listen to

[49:20]them sometimes love is not about what you buy it's about how

[49:24]much you listen how much you empathize how much you appreciate saying

[49:30]you know what happened i tried it didn't work i said what

[49:35]do you mean i said bree said bro i took her out

[49:38]for dinner nothing happened i went out whether to watch a film

[49:40]nothing happened i even sat down and listened to my father-in-law's stories

[49:44]just for her for three hours and nothing happened sayidna again she's

[49:48]still when i for example have certain needs she's not interested not

[49:53]just she's not interested in her she's made it a point that

[49:56]even she's tried to make herself in a certain way where i

[49:59]don't even wanna come near her and she's now going out as

[50:03]she pleases and i fear that when i tell her that you're

[50:06]talking to somebody look at how many situations we're talking about we're

[50:10]not talking about why is the food late it's disgusting for a

[50:16]person to lose their temper with somebody allah has enjoined on them

[50:19]to be their maintainer over why is the food late or why

[50:24]is this give this or why is that this we're talking here

[50:28]some of the most serious issues that can affect any human being's

[50:33]relationship any human being's relationship can be affected with these issues i

[50:39]now have tried number one not working i try number two not

[50:44]work if i try number two and it's not working could this

[50:46]be possibly a moment in which i call someone to come in

[50:50]why not just because this ayah has three stages does not mean

[50:56]that because it has three stages it does not mean that i

[51:00]have to go to the third which is known as what what

[51:04]does it say well foreign only those ladies who you fear a

[51:19]disobedience that you see that is still continuing not happen once if

[51:25]you fear it's still continuing talk to them politely they'll change still

[51:31]no change second one still not that then the third one is

[51:35]what the third one according to many of the scholars is hitting

[51:40]there have been some scholars who've said that the word baraba can

[51:45]also mean to travel the word baraba they use different examples in

[51:50]the quran where they say that the word could mean to separate

[51:53]maybe that you guys go for a separation period one of the

[51:56]best things that may remedy a marriage is to separate and they

[51:59]show verses where a person the world nora is used to show

[52:03]someone traveling far away or someone separating but if i go to

[52:08]ayatollah's website today and i go to the section on the shows

[52:12]he makes it clear that the quran has prescribed three cases the

[52:15]first one is that you talk with each other it should be

[52:18]resolved second one separate the best but it should be resolved third

[52:20]one is to hit but they're hitting you see notice what in

[52:27]this situation you don't see the word you don't see a saf

[52:33]you don't see workers you don't see rakhal for example these are

[52:35]different forms of hating will you see people who beat their chest

[52:40]lotum but the word lotum is not here what is saf for

[52:46]example stuff for example is that you may have someone who may

[52:49]strike you may have for example workers all of these are different

[52:54]ways in which a strike is spoken about in terms of that

[52:56]which is hard in terms of that which leaves a bruise so

[52:59]you have ulama who say that it can never leave a bruise

[53:02]or a redness but the problem is you then go into the

[53:03]territory of those hadiths that talk about a miswak now you tell

[53:08]me i've never understood this by the way the reality is that

[53:11]we took notes in the classes of our teachers and they said

[53:14]that there are hadiths that say that number one when your wife

[53:18]you fear a blatant disobedience from her number one you advise her

[53:22]number two separate words number three you get a miswak with my

[53:26]friend in umrah is continuously playing with his teeth in front of

[53:30]us by janitor he's moving the miswak moving the miswak now you

[53:32]tell me if i'm going to get a mistwork and i'm going

[53:34]to go to the misses you know what you've you've done this

[53:44]so honestly what's the mystery going to do in all honesty someone

[53:49]might say well the miswak is symbolic someone else tried to give

[53:53]an interpretation and what was their interpretation their interpretation was that no

[54:01]it means that you don't hit them you hate them by making

[54:04]sure food and drink doesn't come to them what is the prison

[54:09]the reality is it should never reach this level either it goes

[54:15]good or you separate or you divorce but for a group of

[54:20]arabs who hitting was number one it now became number three as

[54:26]much as i find unease defending this position in 2021 i cannot

[54:34]but deny that the prophet came to some pretty primitive people and

[54:38]to some pretty ignorant people and you know sometimes when you advise

[54:43]some people how do you advise them they're like no i won't

[54:45]do this stuff say listen listen do this then this then we'll

[54:48]look at that don't you do that they're like no i want

[54:51]this organized right now you say listen let's do this first one

[54:53]see if that doesn't work we'll do the second i promise we'll

[54:56]think about the third one later on people have every right to

[55:00]say that this could be abused i cannot deny and nor am

[55:03]i going to be someone who's going to push this and say

[55:10]that it has been used by scholars to lower the position of

[55:14]the female by not explaining it with the debt that deserves but

[55:17]when i look at it i look at surat in this a

[55:20]chapter that talks about incest and woman adultery and woman polygamy and

[55:24]woman surah nisa sought to open every single possible situation that arabia

[55:28]was facing and somehow try to reform the mindset of the person

[55:33]today in the year 2021 of course somebody who looks at this

[55:38]it will be troublesome but if i'm looking at it back then

[55:41]someone says well how about the men it's just women who are

[55:45]disobedient all right allah says men are also subject to this question

[55:51]men are also in a position where they can be disobedient and

[55:55]females also may be in a position where they fear the disobedience

[55:59]of their men go a hundred verses or so later surah 4

[56:02]verse 128 my brothers and sisters because many people say why do

[56:06]you say that the women are disobedient how about the men who

[56:10]are disobedient in surah 4 verse 128 the same sort of allah

[56:19]there are women who want and if there is a woman who

[56:23]fears disobedience from her husband in the quran surah 4 verse 128

[56:31]of the quran allah subhan is saying it's not just men who

[56:36]fear disobedience from their wives how about those wives who could blatantly

[56:39]see that their husbands are the ones who are disobedient then what

[56:44]they can either reach a position of compromise of peace between the

[56:49]two amicably or she can take it to the judge and say

[56:52]this person is in the same way i could be called nashes

[56:56]you call them nashes as well someone asks how could the man

[57:01]be in a situation of disobedience the woman we said for example

[57:07]the man comes near her physically doesn't want it can happen exactly

[57:10]the same for the female where she wants to go near the

[57:13]husband and he constantly boils her off constantly is not there for

[57:18]her or constantly you'll find that when she wants to have him

[57:23]sleep next to her not interested in being there or suddenly travels

[57:26]and goes away there are some men you'll find who'll suddenly travel

[57:30]and they'll just go away that is also on the shores all

[57:34]right allah mentions all of these a person who just leaves their

[57:39]house a person who just leaves their bed a person who has

[57:41]no interest in any physical desires each and every one of these

[57:46]men can fall into the category of nashes and most importantly the

[57:50]man who doesn't maintain the misses anymore at that moment she can

[57:54]take it straight to the islamic judge my right was for him

[57:57]to maintain me now he's bringing all sorts of excuses i can't

[57:59]i don't have money i have my money stored elsewhere i cannot

[58:03]give you money i cannot do this that is form of disobedience

[58:07]and that goes straight to hakamashara as i said a troublesome verse

[58:11]and a verse which a person has to look at this context

[58:13]but we can't shy away from the fact that many have abused

[58:16]it we'll continue with discussing such verses insha'allah in the quran [Music]

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التالي

Hitting Women In the Quran (Tafsir) - Dr. Sayed Ammar Nakshawani - Night 3

Transcript

التالي

استكشاف المزيد

يرجى ملاحظة أنه إذا كان عمرك أقل من 18 عامًا ، فلن تتمكن من الوصول إلى هذا الموقع.

التالي

Hitting Women In the Quran (Tafsir) - Dr. Sayed Ammar Nakshawani - Night 3

Transcript

التالي

استكشاف المزيد

اختيار طريقة الدفع

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