Femininity In Islam - Weekly Series - Sister Sahar Jaber

28 المشاهدات· 24/07/12

Lebanese Youth Foundation
مشتركين

في محاضرات

Final session with Sister Sahar Jaber in the Sha'ban weekly series titled "Femininity in Islam"

Todays topic will focus on "The obligation of females in Islam".

Please make sure you are following our page and channel: @lebaneseyouthfoundation and share.

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Transcript

[0:59][Music] assalamualaikum everyone thank you for joining our live event today's event

[1:34]is titled womanhood an in-depth analysis of femininity in islam with sister

[1:39]unfortunately this is the last event of the series as shaban is

[1:42]now coming to a close and we welcome ramadan next week we

[1:47]also have the last event of the series with sheikh shah for

[1:51]hamud on thursday titled reconnecting with allah so please join us for

[1:57]that on thursday today's event is particularly important and relevant as we

[2:03]all know about the recent changes in the law in france that

[2:06]bans the hijab for anyone under the age of 18 and this

[2:11]strips muslim girls of their right to freedom and it's crucial that

[2:13]muslim women and girls know their rights in islam but equally that

[2:18]their brothers and their fathers and their friends and siblings all know

[2:23]about the female rights in islam also i'd like to mention that

[2:27]if you have any questions during the event please put them in

[2:30]the comments below and hopefully you'll get a chance at the end

[2:33]to answer the question i'm going to give a brief introduction to

[2:38]sister sahara before we go live with her so sister sahaja yoga

[2:42]was born and raised in ontario canada she completed a double honours

[2:48]in sociology and communications she resides in lebanon where she studied a

[2:52]few years of islamic studies with the pursuit to create an impact

[2:56]in muslim children's literature she started her own publications company known as

[3:02]figs and olives publication recently published her first book titled but why

[3:08]is the hijab so special this book aims to educate and inspire

[3:12]young females and males about the hijab the main goal of the

[3:18]publishing company is to provide reliable and educational resources for parents and

[3:23]children to build a strong islamic foundation her dreams and aspirations in

[3:29]life are to empower the muslim generation through literature and knowledge so

[3:33]i'd now like to invite sister saheb to start the live event

[3:40]thank you so much for joining us it's my pleasure as always

[3:44]thank you for having me in that thank you for the to

[3:47]you the background the work thank you for joining us and hopefully

[3:52]we'll get more opportunities to do um series like these in the

[3:57]future but unfortunately shaban is now coming to an end so yeah

[4:01]i'd like to hand it over to you now thank you so

[4:07]much for watching today of course is the last day of our

[4:19]presentation um but it's an honor um to be here with everyone

[4:26]i'm just gonna quickly um i'm just gonna quickly fix something with

[4:35]the sharing screen okay that's better so today is the third event

[4:52]um in which we discuss uh a lot about marriage their responsibilities

[4:58]each other's roles um today's uh main idea was the obligations of

[5:04]females in islam and i just wanted to bring it into better

[5:08]perspective so i decided to actually discuss it more as in summarizing

[5:19]most roles um and hopefully this way it can actually bring what

[5:30]we've learned in the first two sessions all together um and that's

[5:38]two points just as what the role of marriage is it would

[5:41]be that it's companionship and reproduction uh just the idea of having

[5:46]someone that you're with throughout your life and then you're also going

[5:49]to be able to have a kin and so you reproduce uh

[5:53]as a specie but if we were to discuss it in this

[5:56]manner then there's actually no difference between us and animals we wouldn't

[6:02]be able to contribute anything to the community or to society or

[6:06]even psychologically other than the thoughts of what really makes us different

[6:09]than animals at that point if this is how we view marriage

[6:13]so obviously the animal sole purpose on this earth is to actually

[6:19]eat drink or produce to serve human needs and perish and serve

[6:22]human needs as in provide us with meat some protein provide us

[6:26]with milk provide us with wool their bones are used for for

[6:35]our uh usage and practically um every single animal on earth can

[6:39]serve us a certain way through god's mercy um but in the

[6:45]end they're going to perish and so is that really the same

[6:50]purpose that we have and when it comes to define the man's

[6:54]status it's so much higher than just these deeds of course we

[6:59]eat and of course we drink it and we reproduce but we

[7:03]reproduce and we do and we eat under a certain intention if

[7:07]your intention is not that i'm going to be eating and drinking

[7:12]and growing and and build a family so that they can serve

[7:15]allah and so that they can be our presentation of islam on

[7:19]this earth then your intention for eating and drinking is incorrect and

[7:23]your intention for actually having a wife or a husband is incorrect

[7:26]and if it isn't in a higher degree that you see the

[7:32]importance of why a marriage of what marriage serves you then you

[7:37]have to reevaluate what you find as important and where you place

[7:44]your priority and hierarchy so man is a creature that is eternal

[7:50]our soul of course has a beginning and it has an end

[7:54]however this eternal being of our soul is what we take to

[8:00]heaven into earth ultimately our body its beginning in its end is

[8:04]on this earth and this body does not move to the other

[8:07]realm does not go to to uh to heaven or to earth

[8:11]it stays on this realm even on the day of judgement when

[8:15]we are we come out of our graves or if in sha

[8:17]allah if we are of the servants of imam and mahdi and

[8:21]we come out of our graves then we know soul has came

[8:26]back into our body on this earth however this body's role is

[8:33]merely that which stays on this earth and so ultimately you need

[8:36]to make sure your eternal soul has a greater purpose and that

[8:42]is to achieve nearness to allah to to consider allah as your

[8:48]your creator however to also see god in that mercy and in

[8:52]that light of forgiveness and kindness and so our human being our

[9:01]essence of being a human being is that we need to follow

[9:07]the implementations of the program set by the religion of islam the

[9:09]religion of islam is is a lifestyle we've heard this a lot

[9:14]that it encompasses everything that you need in your life and if

[9:19]you were to just reflect on this you'd see that islam provides

[9:24]you uh with an understanding of what to do with your money

[9:27]an understanding of what to do with your saved income of how

[9:31]to uh reproduce of how to actually uh get married of how

[9:37]to divorce of what to do in moments of grief and what

[9:40]to do of moments of pleasure and this idea that islam is

[9:47]is actually encompassing of everything and it's actually a legislation that you

[9:51]can live by provides you with a guidebook as to what to

[9:55]do in your life it tells you if you were to get

[9:59]married get married to this this type of person do not try

[10:02]and get married to this person see that you make sure that

[10:06]you provide her with a diary that you provide her with her

[10:09]due rights before you get married make sure that both of you

[10:11]guys are on the same page before you get married create a

[10:14]guideline a contract also create a guideline in contract in case you

[10:19]guys get divorced what if that person dies this is all encompassed

[10:22]under the idea of islam and that's why it's so beautiful is

[10:27]we are not lost muslims are never lost on this earth we

[10:30]know what to do with our uh certain trials and and in

[10:39]certain uh ceremonies we always reference books in this beauty of actually

[10:44]following a guideline provides a lot of relief for for a lost

[10:50]traveler on this journey on earth of course the main essence of

[10:56]what a human being has to do is actually gain knowledge is

[10:58]to be critical is to think is to actually pursue that idea

[11:02]that i am not sufficient with the amount of knowledge that i

[11:05]have right now and it is only until you gain knowledge you

[11:09]will realize how small you are and how much you actually know

[11:12]nothing of anything because when you learn you become thirsty for more

[11:20]you realize how big of a how small of an entity you

[11:25]are in comparison to how big a law is and it's such

[11:30]a beautiful feeling to feel that humble and to feel that small

[11:33]in comparison to your lord the human being is actually meant to

[11:37]behave in a good manner you are meant to be able to

[11:43]control your desires to control that which does not suit you but

[11:47]at the same time at the same time to use those desires

[11:50]in a manner to serve allah and to become closer to allah

[11:54]the human being is also supposed to find guidance in the prophets

[12:02]the prophets aren't are not uh like to go against contemporary belief

[12:05]that the prophets are perfect and we are unable to become perfect

[12:08]like the prophets that's incorrect the prophet's ability to reach perfection is

[12:13]something we can become inspired by and it is only through individuals

[12:19]such as shahid hadi that we see that it is possible for

[12:23]a human being ibrahim it is possible for an individual to actually

[12:28]become perfect in their own rights and through inspiring and following uh

[12:35]incredible people such as the prophets you are able to actually see

[12:41]the importance of them within your life of actually seeing the story

[12:46]of prophet yusuf or seeing the story of prophet ibrahim and see

[12:49]how you can apply certain attributes within your own life so the

[12:54]human being is also meant to commit good and forbid evil and

[12:58]this as well in reference to marriage is that your partner is

[13:03]your responsibility the wife has a responsibility to make sure that her

[13:06]husband does not have attributes of being stingy or of being rude

[13:10]or being aggressive and the husband also has the rights to on

[13:14]his wife to make sure that she is not being a pleaser

[13:17]for this world or to not be jealous or to not be

[13:21]envious he has that role and you have that role you also

[13:24]have the other role of actually making sure that you become closer

[13:27]to allah together to make your companionship that in which the presence

[13:32]of the angels is always at your house such as uh eating

[13:38]pomegranates on friday making sure that you know you did a grocery

[13:41]list and eating pride uh pomegranates uh hari uh before eating anything

[13:46]else on friday to also make sure that candles are lit on

[13:49]thursday nights and that thursday nights are for dua it's a family

[13:54]time to read my to make sure as well that you wake

[13:58]each other up this committing good and forbidding you for when you

[14:04]see that your marriage is actually under these forms of context your

[14:07]eternal being is is that the marriage is actually what uh determines

[14:13]if you go to heaven or hell everything changes the beauty of

[14:17]it is that you become more uh respectful and uh you actually

[14:22]appreciate uh what your marriage stands for so ultimately to secure happiness

[14:28]in this world and the hereafter is to strive in this world

[14:32]to achieve the next world our strife should be together it should

[14:38]truly be that idea that we are on this earth struggling together

[14:43]but when we reach to heaven when we reach the gates of

[14:48]paradise we can smile and move into a heaven together knowing that

[14:50]we we took each other into heaven we helped we helped support

[14:55]each other so the aim of marriage should be in the search

[14:59]of a spiritual context this search never ends if your first goal

[15:08]within the spiritual context of your marriage is that let's say my

[15:13]husband made it clear to me that i um have a lying

[15:16]problem i i say too many white lies i can't say the

[15:21]truth it's difficult i'm afraid i feel threatened if i were to

[15:25]say the truth this understanding now becomes the first goal that you

[15:28]have within your marriage i need to fix my relationship with my

[15:31]husband so that we can have a better understanding a better environment

[15:34]an environment that's safe that i feel comfortable in so that when

[15:38]i actually do something wrong i don't actually lie and actually i

[15:42]can actually contribute and say the truth to having a partner with

[15:49]the understanding of that you physically show your love and being that

[15:57]you're merciful will actually allow you to achieve your spiritual goal and

[16:01]once you achieve the spiritual goal well now you have at least

[16:07]a thousand in front of you to actually correct as well and

[16:10]so there's this constant idea of of moving forward of searching for

[16:14]the next thing that you need to accomplish the way your desires

[16:19]work is that once something becomes it's making it once you become

[16:24]uh fully capable in something as so for example if someone he

[16:29]has no issue he actually he detests music music does not um

[16:36]does not actually uh uh fulfill them the same way someone else

[16:42]does if they were to listen to music they become instantly in

[16:44]love with it and they can't stop listening to that rap song

[16:46]however someone else if they were to listen to rap music they

[16:50]just turn it off right away it means nothing to them but

[16:52]let's say something else comes in front of them such as a

[16:57]makeup product mascara or let's see uh something like contour or blush

[17:04]and they're so intrigued to actually use it this actually becomes a

[17:08]point of tribulation for them and so after this point they have

[17:14]to make sure that they are able to overcome that tribulation and

[17:19]once they overcome it it's not going to affect them anymore in

[17:22]the same manner that it did a few months ago but now

[17:28]however something else will affect them something else will impact them there's

[17:30]this one story of a man praying and the shaitaan is having

[17:35]a conversation with another thought in which he says i've been trying

[17:39]to make this man stop praying and to focus on something else

[17:43]and so i tried to tempt him with lust and it did

[17:48]not work i tried to tempt him with music with money uh

[17:52]with clothing and nothing worked the other shaitan then sent another human

[17:56]being to go and worship right beside him and this other human

[18:01]being started worshiping night and day more than the other uh one

[18:05]the shaitaan then said i'm going to tempt him with his religion

[18:09]and so this person worshipping beside him because he started worshiping in

[18:14]a very beautiful voice and he started acting very pious this man

[18:19]became started to feel inferior he started to feel as if his

[18:22]worship meant nothing and so the shaytan knew where his desires were

[18:24]it was unknown where his temptations were he he attacked that point

[18:30]it was his religion it was his ability to showcase to the

[18:33]world of how religious and pious he is and so this is

[18:37]the understanding that we have to meet even though you overcome a

[18:42]form of desire and temptation you should always be alert and aware

[18:46]that there is another form of desire and temptation that you might

[18:51]have your guards down in and so you need to marry to

[18:55]acquire nearness to god unfortunately in our society right now the reasons

[19:00]why you'd ask a girl why do you want to get married

[19:04]she might tell you i want to be in love i want

[19:05]a man to travel the world with i want someone to take

[19:09]care of me financially i don't feel like working anymore she'll tell

[19:13]you about worldly desires and monetary forms of pleasures but the true

[19:17]essence of why you want to get married is really because you

[19:20]want to become near to alone it's because you want that partner

[19:24]to drag you closer to allah with them to hold your hand

[19:30]and and to see only god in front of you guys and

[19:32]that's really when a lot of girls say that they want uh

[19:36]what's the terminology i want a cool muslim uh or i want

[19:44]uh uh you know like just uh a moderate muslim someone that

[19:48]prays and fast alhamdulillah he doesn't pray salt of soul but he

[19:51]prays and he gives to charity sometimes but he listens to music

[19:55]also uh he lets me wear whatever clothes i want he doesn't

[19:59]care about if i put makeup on he doesn't even care if

[20:01]i actually go to ashish etc some girls actually search for men

[20:06]like this it's so common i've heard it so much in front

[20:10]of me uh but it's it's really uh hysterical honestly because what

[20:14]are you searching for are you actually asking for characteristics in which

[20:18]uh displease god in that in which will not bring you closer

[20:22]to god um in an injury are you asking for an individual

[20:25]that openly says i do not mind going against god's wishes i

[20:32]do not mind to actually break god's laws if you are then

[20:36]you're ultimately asking for someone uh who yajara he's able to look

[20:41]out in the eye and say that you know what i don't

[20:44]care about your religion i want to do it the way i

[20:45]want to do i want to perform my islam the way i

[20:48]seek pleasure in and if this is truly the man that you

[20:52]are searching for within a marriage then no one day just as

[20:57]he displeases worshipping god and making god happy from him he will

[21:03]one day also turn to you and become displeased with actually making

[21:07]you happy and assert your rights because no one who actually does

[21:14]not fear god will fear everything else he'll because he does not

[21:20]fear god he will also not fear anything else in this world

[21:23]other than of course that which serves his ego and his self

[21:27]and so you have to make sure that as an individual that

[21:30]you take as a spouse for men and for a woman that

[21:34]individual that you take needs to be a source of encouragement for

[21:37]you to become better and closer to a allah went to the

[21:45]prophet such a beautiful story and he said that i have a

[21:48]wealth i have a wife who welcomes me when i come home

[21:51]and escorts me to the door when i leave when she finds

[21:55]me sad and unhappy she then by consoling these days if you

[21:58]are thinking of sustenance then do not despair because allah provides success

[22:04]and if you are thinking about the next life then may allah

[22:07]increase your intellect and efforts in other words she's saying may allah

[22:11]actually make you even more afraid of the hereafter because surely being

[22:17]afraid of the hereafter is actually extremely important the prophet then said

[22:25]that she functions this spouse of yours actually funk functions as an

[22:31]agent of ours on this world and your wife is a woman

[22:35]that will be rewarded half of as much as a martyr and

[22:40]so this can become a jihad for a woman she can become

[22:47]able to actually get the immense award of that in which is

[22:53]served on the battlefield or within the self another story uh is

[23:00]that on the night the wedding night of imam ali in say

[23:04]the father the prophet the next day came to imam ali and

[23:08]he asked him how did you find said imam ali then says

[23:15]he says is the best helper for obedience and service to god

[23:22]what incredible words to describe because he really summarized by the fatima

[23:30]here in two words he said that she is the best of

[23:35]helper for obedience and service to god he said that number one

[23:38]her role as my companion is that she will help me reach

[23:46]to god in an easier more efficient way and another thing about

[23:51]her is that she is of true service to god she is

[23:53]of true essence to god and this truly should be our motto

[23:57]within we within why we marry and how we get married so

[24:03]love is actually never love at first light um love as a

[24:10]concept in itself is not everlasting that's why a lot of people

[24:16]say you know we were married and when i first met him

[24:17]we had this connection and then all of a sudden after five

[24:20]years of marriage i don't love him anymore there's nothing that attracts

[24:24]me to him anymore it's because they're focusing too much on on

[24:27]something that does not exist on its own so you have your

[24:32]variables correct such as you need him to be caring you need

[24:38]him to have kindness you need him to have respect and when

[24:42]you put these all together you're able to actually achieve love is

[24:46]an outcome love is not a variable in it on its own

[24:51]you cannot take love and add it to kindness and then create

[24:54]love no love is actually something that is resulted from what you

[25:00]put together so his small forms of actually caring for you such

[25:05]as him just you know asking you if you need any help

[25:08]today uh sit down let me do the dishes tonight uh did

[25:12]you want to watch a movie together uh i wanna i want

[25:16]us to go uh to a restaurant together alone without the kids

[25:20]etc uh you look very beautiful today and you're just literally wearing

[25:24]a pj these forms of love is so important because this is

[25:30]actually what creates love this kindness this respect you honoring him in

[25:35]his presence such as you saying he's such a great husband to

[25:40]me in his presence and also you saying that he fought behind

[25:44]his back to your friends into your family honestly honoring and respect

[25:49]is what a lot of girls lack and sorry my apologies men

[25:52]and females lack in this day and age they do not respect

[25:56]their husband enough and the husband does not respect the female enough

[25:58]they do not respect each other's uh equal role his role as

[26:03]being the breadwinner and her role as being the home caregiver these

[26:07]roles are not ex are not respected and because the roles are

[26:11]not respected they then start doing each other's roles so that they

[26:15]can get the other person's attention the female starts going to the

[26:18]labor so that she can get the men's attention that you see

[26:21]what you know what you should respect me because i also have

[26:24]monetary value the man then also tells the female i'm not going

[26:27]to contribute in the household chores because this is not of my

[26:31]manly attributes therefore you should respect me they're not understanding the point

[26:36]the point is you perform your roles and she reforms her roles

[26:39]so that you guys can have a better and happier life if

[26:42]your life is not happier and better then you guys are doing

[26:45]something wrong with your roles um when the man contributes financially and

[26:53]let's say unfortunately in our day and age the female and the

[26:57]male has to work it's actually uh pretty impossible right now in

[27:01]in in canada let's just let's say i live in canada i

[27:05]don't know about uk but in canada if you were going to

[27:08]rent it's going to cost you at least 2k 2 000 to

[27:12]rent that's without water and uh and food which is at least

[27:16]1 500 then you have your child uh and then if you

[27:18]want to put them in a private school for islamic school you

[27:20]have another 5k in front of you it's pretty impossible for only

[27:26]the man to actually have a good income the female now needs

[27:30]to contribute as well most of the cases and so what actually

[27:35]starts to happen is the man might start to understand something incorrect

[27:40]the females role in working in the labor and actually providing an

[27:45]income from the family that's out of her greatness and her love

[27:47]that's out of her minimity and character she's doing an incredible job

[27:51]being there to support the man but that's not her role that's

[27:54]not her obligation you actually owe her and she can actually tell

[28:00]you i want this money back at a later time uh therefore

[28:04]if her role uh in the labor market actually jeopardizes her role

[28:10]in the household because that's actually where she should actually flourish as

[28:17]a mother and as a wife then the man also has to

[28:21]be understanding that she cannot perform each role equally that he actually

[28:25]now has to take some characteristics and and roles from hers so

[28:31]that they can become at equilibrium if he doesn't not want to

[28:37]actually support her and that him in the family at all then

[28:39]he has to understand that maybe he has to go get a

[28:43]second job or go find more income but it's not her role

[28:48]to actually provide an income whatsoever and so this understanding uh that

[28:51]there's shared real income uh based on necessity and that if a

[29:00]female actually attributes to your role and is taking a load off

[29:03]of your role then you should also support her and take a

[29:06]load off of her role now a caution a disclaimer for the

[29:10]females there's certain roles that should be done by a female that

[29:14]kind of removed from the manly hood of a man and so

[29:19]you just got to be cautious what role actually um allows him

[29:23]to be a man and still support the family um and i

[29:28]don't want this to be understood in any way the man is

[29:31]allowed to cook the man is allowed to help in cleaning um

[29:33]it just means that for example there's a story of imam ali

[29:40]who came outside of ultimately what do you want me to help

[29:44]with the kids need help the kids were very young at that

[29:47]time do you want me to help you with the kids or

[29:48]do you want me to do this kitchen roll so the fatima

[29:52]then told i will take care of the kids if you can

[29:54]please perform this kitchen roll in seoul imam haley then did that

[30:00]wrong so that understanding is that say the fatima felt like the

[30:05]kids needed her nurturing her support more than for imam ali to

[30:08]go and take care of the kids another story of seeing the

[30:13]importance of actually taking each other's role at a a time where

[30:15]prophet muhammad came into the house of sight of the sahara and

[30:20]he saw that say the fatima was was picking them hot the

[30:24]grains i believe it's called or wheat and imam ali was doing

[30:29]a different chore a prophet muhammad peace be upon him then told

[30:33]them who needs more help who is more tired so that i

[30:35]can support and help them imam haley told prophet muhammad say has

[30:38]been working from the morning if you can please take her role

[30:42]and so prophet muhammad peace be upon him then took said the

[30:48]father uh chore instead of rested or worshipped or just took a

[30:50]moment to take a break while men were working and so it's

[30:54]a story to actually learn from um of how shared responsibilities should

[30:59]be so again to emphasize there are rules however it's not black

[31:06]and white and each role must be respected of the obligations of

[31:14]a spouse is kindness and the reason why i say kindness is

[31:19]because every single human being flourishes in kindness we grow out of

[31:23]kindness if you do not actually provide the female with kindness she

[31:29]becomes very incapable to perform in action similarly for the men uh

[31:33]the revolutionary the revolutionary leader of iran he said that the woman's

[31:40]heart is actually like a glass once you say something mean or

[31:44]rude to her it gets scratched and it gets hard to actually

[31:47]fix because she holds that against you that you called me this

[31:50]name you said this to me and there's a certain part in

[31:54]her heart that actually gets hurt from and so it's very important

[31:59]that uh both spouses understand um the importance of kindness when you

[32:05]leave your parents's house if you lived in a let's say a

[32:09]perfect world your parents are we're supposed to provide you kindness throughout

[32:12]their life and now that you leave your parents's house your spouse

[32:17]is supposed to fill their role um it's for a lot of

[32:25]females that spouses like such a i know a lot of females

[32:30]who left uh in in hausa in lebanon a lot of men

[32:34]who actually go to study hausa and they bring their wives from

[32:38]outside their husband actually now becomes not only their husband but because

[32:41]they're in a foreign land most of them lived in america or

[32:46]germany or or australia all their whole life and now coming to

[32:49]lebanon into a small village where there's literally cows and sheeps walking

[32:52]in front of you and there's not enough electricity and not enough

[32:56]water and not enough anything um now this husband actually has to

[33:00]take the role of not only being a husband but a mother

[33:05]a father an aunt a sister a best friend he has to

[33:07]take that whole role similarly for the wife because they left their

[33:11]whole life to go and live with this person and so this

[33:14]person has to understand that this person now changed their whole life

[33:18]for me and i need to provide them with that kindness and

[33:23]that support and so the prophet peace be upon him says the

[33:26]best of you among women are those that possess love and affection

[33:30]in such a beautiful uh narration from our dear prophet and consort

[33:37]with them your wives and kindness discuss uh the topic with in

[33:43]in in gentleness and not to be double standard not to be

[33:48]this individual that's so easily um so easy to talk to outside

[33:53]but when it comes to actually um talking to like in the

[33:58]household the man is actually not that nice person in the family

[34:00]you know the kids actually feel like they can't talk to their

[34:02]father and of the rules of being a leader is that you

[34:08]know how to talk to your participants to your to the people

[34:11]in your that you are leaving you know how to actually discuss

[34:15]things with them the prophet of allah stated the more one becomes

[34:20]faithful the more one expresses kindness to his spouse so to be

[34:26]kind is truly to be religious and of the obligations of a

[34:31]spouse is also to respect so imagine when someone comes into your

[34:36]house and um you're just greeting them you stand up you wear

[34:43]the best clothing you look a very presentable manner you greet them

[34:46]you ask them how your day was you make them feel special

[34:49]you tell them how much you miss them um and and you

[34:55]greet them into your house and this is actually how the prophet

[34:58]wants us to greet our spouse he wants us to go through

[35:02]that extra effort so that we can actually make sure that they

[35:07]feel um comfortable and that they feel respected um sorry someone's coming

[35:17]to my door uh sorry they just left the package it's fine

[35:22]uh so it does not matter how much love you may proclaim

[35:26]uh to have so it does not matter that you actually tell

[35:28]them you know i have so much love for you i respect

[35:31]you so much but in reality you never even profess this love

[35:36]through household chores or through uh just the little things um you

[35:40]need to make sure that you're always in that understanding of physically

[35:44]uh professing this love um and so the prophet again here says

[35:48]the duty of a woman is to answer the call at the

[35:51]door it's welcome her husband because the there's this beauty in it

[35:56]that actually stays with the husband of respect and that's actually one

[36:00]of the key characteristics that a husband has to do that a

[36:04]wife has to do towards her husband is to respect him a

[36:06]lot at a very high degree of course the husband must respect

[36:11]the female but i'm talking about what's extremely important for the husband

[36:13]is that respect is that idea that my wife respects me that

[36:18]understanding that if a wife does not respect her husband leads to

[36:24]a lot of issues and problems in the community even though of

[36:29]course it's so important that the man also respects the female but

[36:32]there's a certain attribute to the husband how holding respect at a

[36:38]higher degree than everything else and so the prophet of islam here

[36:43]says that the prayer of a woman who teases her husband with

[36:46]her tongue are not accepted by allah even if she fasts every

[36:48]day gets up to act worship at night she sets a free

[36:53]a few slaves for free and donates her wealth a bad tongue

[36:58]woman who hurts her husband in this way is the first person

[37:01]who enters help so we have to be cautious as females to

[37:03]not be verbally abusing our husbands as well and again likewise the

[37:09]husband has to be conscious as well the prophet here states that

[37:15]no one would respect women except the magnus one and no one

[37:20]would insult them except the ignoble one and so also the prophet

[37:25]here says whoever insults his family would lose happiness in his life

[37:28]and so it really does take a real man to respect a

[37:33]woman so the role of a female in a marriage is the

[37:39]prosperity of the happiness as well as the misery is in her

[37:42]hands she needs to understand that if that when she is sad

[37:46]or when she is not in a feeling okay that that actually

[37:51]is going to affect the whole family environment and we can reflect

[37:55]on personal experiences that instantly when the mother is happy the whole

[38:00]world the whole house is just a beautiful enjoyable place but when

[38:03]the mother is angry and constantly nervous and worried then again the

[38:08]family is not and this is not entirely the female's fault the

[38:12]man has to make sure that he has provided enough ability for

[38:16]the female to actually not take on more than she can handle

[38:20]that she is actually in the position in which she can be

[38:24]comfortable and relaxed as well um so it's important that the husband

[38:29]sees the happiness of his wife also of his responsibility that maybe

[38:35]i need to make my wife's life easier some manner in some

[38:40]form maybe she does need paid support paid service maybe she needs

[38:42]a vacation from time to time that's his husband's responsibility to also

[38:45]make sure that the female does not get burnt out through stress

[38:51]of course and so of course the females obligation is that she

[38:55]provides intimacy and asking permission to leave those those are the two

[38:59]uh obligations that will never leave or or or stop being applied

[39:07]to the female but apart from these uh the mandatory role of

[39:11]the husband is the finest and the hers is the family household

[39:17]and we've discussed this thoroughly something very important is never to actually

[39:21]make your spouse god and the reason why i say this is

[39:26]because a lot of girls or men put the spouse at such

[39:29]a high degree that it's the spouse and then it's god's opinion

[39:31]so if my spouse likes me to wear makeup i'm going to

[39:34]be doing that in public so that i can attract his opinion

[39:36]or if he actually wants me to remove that ship then he

[39:40]told me i have to remove the house and i have to

[39:43]be obedient to my husband so i'm going to take off that

[39:47]it's not like that if your husband is actually telling you let's

[39:48]do something haram let's put some put some music for me please

[39:52]you're actually supposed to tell no i do not need to obey

[39:56]you i do not need to listen to your command um like

[40:00]opposed to common belief is that if the husband is selling you

[40:04]something that's haram then you have to tell him no i will

[40:10]not commit and i will not do it it's always a loss

[40:11]command and then it's your spouse's if your spouse is telling you

[40:16]you're not allowed to talk to your parents you're not allowed to

[40:19]visit them he's not allowed to do that it's they're your sulatra

[40:22]there's someone that you have to be in contact with within a

[40:26]certain period of time he's not allowed it's haram for him to

[40:30]actually tell you to do something like that and so it's important

[40:34]to always understand that although you put your spouse at a very

[40:40]high importance make sure it's god and i'll i would even in

[40:47]the prophets um and like islam ultimately islam and then i'll put

[40:51]the husband these that that's how your hierarchy has to be so

[40:57]now just to discuss some important figures in islam to inspire the

[41:02]females out there generally when we discuss important figures we always talk

[41:07]about their achievements of monetary support of what they how much wealth

[41:13]they had of what they were able to do to society but

[41:16]really what we should talk about is the role of a mother

[41:23]their role in sometimes not always but the role sometimes as a

[41:28]wife and when we see this quote by prophet muhammad which is

[41:31]the great woman of paradise are for if we were to just

[41:40]bring into perspective these four ladies let me just very very very

[41:43]briefly summarize each individual say that maria did not have a husband

[41:49]she was raised uh by her uncle the prophet in a temple

[41:56]in a synagogue she was raised between men in a synagogue that

[42:00]actually forced her to cook and clean and act as a slave

[42:04]yet she was taken care of by god and she knew who

[42:08]god was and what god actually asked her to do was to

[42:12]be a lady that will be known for her mother characteristics for

[42:16]her ability to actually give birth to jesus without being married without

[42:22]ever having lost uh through intimacy and so it's so important to

[42:28]actually see say the maryam as this mother figure that he allah

[42:34]created a prophethood through her lineage without a man with with his

[42:41]capability when we look at uh say the fatima we see that

[42:46]say the fatima is actually al muhammad when we say that because

[42:59]the kinship of prophet muhammad is saying prophet muhammad had no other

[43:05]children he had no other children that of course lived he his

[43:08]only child that actually gave him a lineage was say the fatima

[43:12]and so the lineage of prophet muhammad is through the fatima and

[43:15]this is a great honor for females and of course it's a

[43:19]great honor in the eyes of allah that we should see that

[43:21]this incredible lineage of the bet is through a female is through

[43:26]that that which came from prophet muhammad another important thing of say

[43:32]the khadijah is that we see one say the khadijah actually wanted

[43:37]to get married she rejected so many amazing men through that had

[43:42]money uh that had tribes that had armies they they were wealthy

[43:47]and they had history and this was something important back then she

[43:53]rejected them not knowing what was to come but all she knew

[43:57]is that she wanted a pious man that believed in one god

[44:00]again that idea of having sacredness attached to your merit upon working

[44:05]with prophet muhammad she saw how incredible of a man he was

[44:09]and so she actually asked her a male servant to go to

[44:11]prophet muhammad and two proposed to him so we see this idea

[44:15]of a female being conscious of who she wants to get married

[44:19]to if you see attributes in a man that um that actually

[44:25]serve your purpose then there's nothing wrong in actually seeing ways to

[44:29]reach out to this man of course in a very uh respectable

[44:34]manner but there's nothing wrong with a female actually taking things initiative

[44:38]into her hand so that she can secure as well a good

[44:41]spouse inside asia the wife of pharaoh faron was the most uh

[44:48]despisable man of his time and for a very long time he

[44:50]what he used to believe that he was ultimately god that he

[44:53]was the most powerful and that people you should obey and worship

[44:56]him and yet as his wife she rejected all his orders to

[45:05]obey him and this also stands as uh as inspiration for a

[45:08]lot of females who unfortunately have unfortunate husbands that's even if you

[45:13]have an unfortunate husband you have to seek patience in prayer and

[45:17]see ways to worship allah and ask allah for his help because

[45:22]allah of course is the one that knows of your trials and

[45:28]tribulations and he can ease your help so distasteful wives is also

[45:33]prominent we also see that there was the wife of prophet lut

[45:36]and the prophet wife of prophet noah who were terrible towards their

[45:40]husbands additionally imam hasan and mam hadi their wives literally poisoned and

[45:46]killed the imams and so just because you got married does not

[45:49]mean that you're safeguarded from all the evils in the world yes

[45:51]you safeguarded half of your religion but there's also the other half

[45:53]that you can be uh in desires and and uh fall into

[45:57]tribulations for so it's very important to also be cautious of that

[46:04]now i want to just talk about two key figures that were

[46:09]actually not married and so to the females that we're never that

[46:12]um struggle to actually find the right spouse uh scholars have written

[46:19]that she had a special gift of course we know that she

[46:22]was the daughter of uh uh of imam al-qaeda and imam golden

[46:28]was actually imprisoned when she was only two years old so she

[46:30]spent a lot of time away from her father yet through her

[46:35]dedication and prayer she was actually able to make herself infallible she

[46:39]was not born and infallible there's a difference between actually getting the

[46:45]infallibility by being born by such a say the fatimi in the

[46:48]other idea of actually attaining in family infallibility such as as well

[46:55]we know uh above best and the highest status of her is

[46:59]that whoever visits is as if they actually visited imam ali her

[47:07]brother and so it's important for these females that have not gotten

[47:13]married or have not actually gotten a spouse to be patient to

[47:18]know that insha allah god has greater plans for you and to

[47:21]never seek haram methods to attract a male's attention the way in

[47:26]which you attract that male's attention is important because that's the character

[47:30]characteristics that you will attract if you are looking for a pious

[47:35]men then be pious yourself and if you do not get married

[47:36]then insha'allah you serve other forms of importance to the world into

[47:42]allah remember that this world is only a test and so even

[47:45]marriage is not something that is is is beautiful because it's it's

[47:49]beautiful it's beautiful because you create it to be beautiful and for

[47:53]the females that are not married you can also create your life

[47:55]to be beautiful in its own right is the sister of uh

[48:03]uh inside moses other and she actually was not married as well

[48:09]it's because she served such an important role in the community and

[48:13]in society that she was not able to get married she did

[48:16]not have the time or the ability to actually stay at home

[48:19]and perform the female roles she played that much of a fundamental

[48:22]role to society um that it was actually obligatory on her to

[48:29]actually continue serving the community and serve society at the time in

[48:33]which the uh islamic movement in iran uh was occurring and my

[48:38]apologies in iraq she was the leader of the islamic movement when

[48:44]her brother was actually taken uh taken into prison and many of

[48:50]important maharaja were also taken into prison were arrested she went to

[48:54]the shrine of imam ali and she gave a very elegant speech

[48:57]and she told the people what are you doing we need to

[49:00]go and we need to stand and fight for our people these

[49:03]people were imprisoned we should unite and stand and once these people

[49:08]went on the streets and demanded for their release um amina and

[49:14]muhammad baker was actually executed three days later because of this because

[49:20]of the power that they saw that she actually did and so

[49:24]a lot of females misunderstand the importance of their role within society

[49:30]as well and that god has greater plans for you even if

[49:33]you are not married or even if you are not getting the

[49:38]right spouse god has greater plans for you inshallah just a quick

[49:41]story of say fatima was that at the time when some people

[49:44]came to meet him and called him he was not home and

[49:49]so they left a note with some questions on it say the

[49:51]father muslim actually answered all the questions and upon them reading these

[49:56]answers they were very satisfied with them and she was actually only

[49:59]six years old at that time upon their journey they met with

[50:04]imam called them on their way and the mama called them then

[50:07]told her may her father be sacrificed for her because he was

[50:12]very pleased and happy with the answers that she provided and so

[50:15]again it's this understanding that a female has such incredible attributes and

[50:22]roles to actually provide to society and so i will end off

[50:25]with this beautiful quote and the believer men and the believer woman

[50:28]they are the guardians to one another they enjoin good and forbid

[50:32]evil and they establish the regular prayer and they pay the poor

[50:35]it and obey god and his apostle prophet muhammad these god will

[50:41]bestow on them his mercy verily god is almighty all wise and

[50:49]so if anyone wanted to reach me please do so through this

[50:52]form of method and thank you again for uh continuous support these

[50:58]three weeks thank you so much for the lebanese youth foundation for

[51:01]this incredible opportunity um it it truly is my honor uh to

[51:05]be with you guys in shopping and i kindly kindly kindly asked

[51:10]you guys to remember me and your dogs my family and i

[51:13]and your dogs um and it was it was very much a

[51:20]pleasure so sorry hold up uh you uh muted we couldn't hear

[51:41]you sorry about that if you can go again yeah so thank

[51:45]you it's a pleasure to have you on um i was saying

[51:51]it i always feel like uh having events and talks on mondays

[51:56]is amazing because it gives such food for thought throughout the rest

[51:58]of the week and i know i'm going to be doing a

[52:01]lot of thinking now um two things i thought were really stood

[52:05]out for me firstly your emphasis on the importance of seeking knowledge

[52:14]and and how that allows us to get nearer to allah and

[52:16]especially now that we're coming nearer to ramadan i feel like that's

[52:21]a personal goal of mine yeah and seeking knowledge reading more discovering

[52:26]more and also i feel like that also um helps you get

[52:29]to know yourself more and where you lack and where you need

[52:32]to develop another thing is um self-development and self-improvement in order to

[52:38]have a harmonious relationship and i feel like self-development is a reoccurring

[52:44]theme throughout islam and i feel like that's one of the many

[52:49]beauties of islam so islam yeah no islam definitely asks that we

[52:57]don't stop at the sin that we have like just because you

[52:59]might have a sin with listening to music or actually a sin

[53:02]of envy or jealousy you need to let it go um you

[53:06]need to obviously solve that issue and then let it go so

[53:09]that you can continue on like never hold yourself at the point

[53:12]in which you always consider yourself to be envy even if you're

[53:14]actually working on it and actually trying to remove it from yourself

[53:17]so definitely like that idea of actually talking to yourself that you

[53:20]know what i even though i may have some attributes of energy

[53:23]i'm going to let it go and i'm actually going to start

[53:26]talking to myself in a manner that it's okay um to be

[53:30]something better than that it's okay to actually allow myself to be

[53:34]a good person for sure definitely and i think i think step

[53:39]number one in doing that is actually realizing our flaws yeah and

[53:43]that's that can be accomplished through reading and seeking knowledge so we

[53:48]have a question and that's what practical steps can a couple do

[53:52]to get closer to allah so you talked a lot about seeking

[53:55]nearness to allah through the marriage so what steps or actual things

[54:01]can do you think couples can do together um or do you

[54:06]separately to get naruto so it's what's really nice if if couples

[54:09]actually um seeking closeness to allah does not only have to be

[54:17]an understanding of prayer and and worship through dua we misunderstand sometimes

[54:22]when we say worship what that means worship does not only mean

[54:25]that you're sitting down and reading quran and you're only praying together

[54:28]yeah sure that's very important in order to actually uh become closer

[54:33]to allah you have to have that in your lifestyle but worship

[54:35]can actually be in your intimate moments together and in your ability

[54:41]to actually tell them that you know um we're going to uh

[54:45]i'm going to take you out for dinner for that for the

[54:49]birth of a memory i'm gonna take you that's actually worship when

[54:56]you when the wife is cooking and she says i'm going to

[54:59]cook this while only doing this behind the fatima again you're now

[55:05]taking this idea of you uh stirring the pot making soup instead

[55:09]of you saying like oh my god i'm such a slave in

[55:12]this house he always makes me cook and clean and now you're

[55:14]thinking i'm going to do this i'll do intestines so it can

[55:18]be me it's better it can have this essence to it it

[55:20]can feed the soul this becomes a form of worship and so

[55:25]it's actually the idea of actually doing your role as a form

[55:28]of worship so that you can become closer to each other if

[55:31]i were to just tell you wake up to solo together and

[55:35]uh read my guess those are important but first see the foundation

[55:41]is your foundation put in place that your conceptualization of marriage is

[55:48]in its right definition and it's it's practical ideas can be through

[55:57]everything everything can become a worship um like for example there's this

[56:04]uh i think uh the most thing i've ever enjoyed uh doing

[56:07]with with my husband is there's this uh tv show um it

[56:14]talks about manhattan and it's such an amazing uh tv show everyone

[56:18]should definitely watch it it's a bit difficult because it's in arabic

[56:22]so i found it difficult because i couldn't understand all the words

[56:27]um because it was like in it like very strong arabic but

[56:29]it was such a beautiful uh uh thing that me and my

[56:34]husband can do that can actually make us stronger and uh and

[56:37]see as a form of worship even though we're watching television but

[56:41]it's because you're you're gaining knowledge about and imam al-khati so again

[56:46]everything can become a worship practical tips is really anything that they

[56:52]do that can serve their relationship letter thank you that's so beautiful

[56:57]so it's more about the intention behind the actions yeah definitely thank

[57:03]you so much um thank you for joining us it's honestly been

[57:06]an honor and a pleasure to have you here i know many

[57:11]people um benefited i definitely benefited benefited myself learned a lot of

[57:16]new things i'm going to be doing a lot of reflections and

[57:19]so thank you for joining us and hopefully we can have you

[57:24]on soon inshallah and keep us thank you thank you foundation in

[57:28]your prayers and in your diets and throughout ramadan and thank you

[57:31]everyone for watching get home or wherever you are i know some

[57:36]people are watching from work um inshallah we're going weekly events throughout

[57:41]ramadan and if you'd like to stay updated with those events then

[57:46]please uh follow our social media accounts and yeah assalamu alaikum take

[57:58]thank you

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التالي

Femininity In Islam - Weekly Series - Sister Sahar Jaber

Transcript

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التالي

Femininity In Islam - Weekly Series - Sister Sahar Jaber

Transcript

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