Everything at the right time! | Ali Reza Panahian

Everything at the right time!

I told half of a story in a gathering. Because, that half of the story was suited to that gathering. Now, I’ll tell you the whole story.
[Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 26, p. 237; Mustadrak al-Wasa’il, vol. 12, p. 335]
A scorpion had stung two people. They were dying from the pain. They were the friends of the Commander of the Faithful, Ali (‘a). They were brought to the Imam. The Imam said, “You’ll get well; don’t be afraid. You’ll be in pain for a while, and then, your body will get rid of it.” After a while, the Imam went to visit them. The Imam asked, “Would you like me to tell you what the reason behind these stings was?” What was the hidden reason for these stings? They said, “Yes, please.”
The Imam told one of them, “The scorpion stung you because you were sitting in a meeting where they said bad things about Salman since he is my friend. You could have defended him, but you didn’t. If you had defended him, they wouldn’t have killed you, taken away your money or beaten you. You were shy to say anything. This sting is because of that. From now on, wherever they say bad things about my friend, defend him.”
I have told this story up to this point a few times to say we should defend the truth. Now the rest. The Imam asked the other person, “Do you know why the scorpion stung you?” He said, “Why? I defend you well.” The Imam replied, “Once, you were sitting next to a brutal person who really hates us. My servant Qanbar came to you. Due to your affection for me, you got up in front of him and respected him very much. That man asked, ‘Who is this that you respect him this much?’ You praised Qanbar a great deal. That man had a hatred towards us, so he hit Qanbar very much. Was it right to praise him there for him to be beaten like this?!”
“Pious people have superior virtues. Their words are proper.” [Imam Ali (‘a), The Muttaqin Sermon] At the top of the list of moral virtues, which Imam Ali (‘a) lists for pious people, are controlling one’s tongue and using it correctly. “The pious people’s words are proper.” They’re not only honest. Honesty is one of their features. Such a person should have some other features too.
One of the aspects of “being proper” is knowing what to say and to whom. One of the aspects of “being proper” is knowing when and what to say. Much consideration is needed! Should I say this to that person, or not? God! Is it time for this, or not? If I say it when it’s unfitting, or if I don’t say it when it’s necessary, it’ll get worse. “Their words are proper.” See what points it is referring to.
For example, a man has come home and he is very tired. The woman thinks, “I’m tired too, and I’m upset at him.” So, she says a few negative things as soon as he comes in. They argue and get tired. Then the woman says, “I’m sorry. I really become very happy when you get home. I was so upset with you because of that matter.” She starts expressing her love.
It has been said in the traditions to first express your love when a man comes home. If you want to nag, do it 10 minutes later. When you change the timing, everything is ruined. It is the same person. Say both things. But, say this one first, then the other one. Arguments will stop.
Men should do the same concerning women. Sometimes they don’t pay attention what they should say and when. When your child is born, you shouldn’t ask first, “Is the baby alright?” You should say, “Are you alright?! God willing, the baby is well too.” When they bring the baby forward, pay a little attention to him/her. But, focus on your wife. “Darling, you should be healthy. You’ll always be dear to me. This baby put you through so much trouble.” It is very important what you say and when.
One of the aspects of “being proper” is knowing what to say and to whom. One of the aspects of “being proper” is knowing when and what to say.
“Pious people have superior virtues. Their words are proper.”