"Does Islam Accept Dating?" - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini (Night 7)

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Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
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"Does Islam Accept Dating?" - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini (Night 7) at The Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo

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[0:00][Applause] [Music] smelling of rahmanir rahim' [Music] sha-la-la-la-la sha-la-la-la-la koala labonte can

[0:22]monoamine Salam alaikum o Abdullah Yasha hehe I'm of lumic arabela ya

[0:44]late an economic oh I'm sad that even a fools fo xand

[0:54]na Bhima illuminates your hearts and enlighten your modulus with a loud

[1:02]salawats allah muhammad wa ala muhammad respected brothers and sisters assalamu alaikum

[1:09]wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh throughout history marriage has always been a need

[1:17]a necessary part of the human beings life a young man when

[1:23]a young man and a young woman would they would reach a

[1:29]certain age that natural an important step was to get married and

[1:32]society expected that from them when they reached that age they should

[1:39]get married such that if they did not get married they'd be

[1:41]looked down upon as if they have a problem in their life

[1:43]nowadays marriage is no longer seen as a must nowadays marriage is

[1:49]a want it's a luxury people don't see marriage as being necessary

[1:54]in their lives it's not that important as it used to be

[1:58]and that's why there are many people that you know that never

[2:02]get married or they delay marriage to a very age old age

[2:05]they postpone marriage and that's why here in the US the average

[2:12]age of marriage is 28 while if you just go back sixty

[2:17]years ago studies mentioned that the average age of marriage was 21

[2:22]so in just 60 years we've delayed marriage up to seven years

[2:25]and it's getting worse and worse and what your witness is that

[2:31]we are going away from marriage but the question is why why

[2:35]are we going away from marriage because as you know marriage is

[2:38]a need the human being allah subhanaw taala has placed this need

[2:42]within him the need for the other person yeah of the other

[2:47]gender a man needs a woman and a woman needs a man

[2:51]they can only lift together allah says in the holy quran one

[2:54]le bassin alaikum wa antum li Barcelona so this is a need

[2:59]of the human being so how are we managing dispensing with this

[3:02]need dispensing with marriage how are we getting away with it well

[3:06]there are many reasons to this why marriages is delayed and sometimes

[3:10]we never even get married but one of the most important reasons

[3:16]to that is because we have found an alternative and that alternative

[3:21]is what dating many people now instead of getting married instead of

[3:27]thinking about marriage they opt for what they opted for dating and

[3:31]dating has become an alternative to marriage now why has that become

[3:34]an alternative to marriage there's two reasons the first reason is because

[3:38]in this free and permissive society that we live in the Western

[3:41]society being so free and permissive we are taught that anytime you

[3:49]feel love or lust love is more permanent and genuine lust is

[3:53]more temporary and it dies down very fast anytime you feel love

[3:59]and lust toward someone don't shy this feeling and emotion away don't

[4:03]be afraid to express it don't suppress it in fact express it

[4:07]instantly for example you're in fourth grade as early as fourth grade

[4:11]and there is a girl in your class where you think she

[4:16]is cute and you have a crush towards her where what are

[4:21]you taught in this society this is hype shy - I know

[4:23]tell her go and tell her I think you're cute go and

[4:27]invite her to buy her some ice cream tell her I want

[4:28]you to come to my so go and express this feeling don't

[4:32]suppress it now why what's the philosophy behind this as early as

[4:36]third fourth fifth grade express this feeling as soon as you feel

[4:42]it their philosophy is the feeling is there the emotion is there

[4:45]why suppress it why waits because the other opinion is wait until

[4:48]you're 20 and then once you get married only then you can

[4:54]explode and what and express this desire tell you why why waits

[4:57]all those years that's a desire it's there express it now and

[5:00]what you'll find is we human beings we always want to express

[5:06]our desires and we want to enjoy our desires instantly we don't

[5:10]like waiting when I have a desire when I have certain pleasures

[5:14]that I want to enjoy I don't like to hear wait later

[5:20]one year five years ten years no the pleasure is there the

[5:23]desire is there now I want to enjoy it now so that's

[5:27]why you find what many people they say dating is good because

[5:29]why wait so many years until I get married let me start

[5:33]to enjoy this desire from as early as the age of ten

[5:35]eleven twelve so this is one reason many people turn to dating

[5:40]because it comes very early that's number one number two the second

[5:44]reason why many people opt for dating instead of marriage is because

[5:47]too many this is how they see dating dating has all of

[5:53]the advantages of marriage without the responsibilities and know what the complications

[5:58]so many this is how they see dating dating has all the

[6:01]advantages of marriage meaning the desire is there the pleasures are there

[6:05]you enjoy it but at the same time the responsibilities and the

[6:09]complications of marriage are not there how with marriage there are lots

[6:16]of responsibilities there are commitments when you're a married you're committed to

[6:19]stay with this person correct when you're dating there's absolutely no commitment

[6:24]there's nothing to but to bind you to stay with this person

[6:29]so you're free you can leave anytime you want there's nothing that

[6:32]tell you never said till death do us part no it's a

[6:33]day-to-day relationship I can dump this person any day I want because

[6:40]I'm not married I'm dating this person so I feel free there's

[6:43]no commitment and likewise there is no financial obligations with marriage you

[6:48]have to save for the wedding you have to say for the

[6:52]honeymoon you have to have a car you have to have a

[6:55]house you have to have so many things education career blah blah

[6:58]blah with dating you don't need anything you could be a poor

[7:01]peasant on the street you can date someone correct there's absolutely no

[7:04]financial obligations you don't have to provide for anyone you just enjoy

[7:11]the pleasures of dating so there these responsibilities don't exist likewise the

[7:15]one the complications don't exist many people they think when I get

[7:19]married you know what what if there are problems with this person

[7:23]what if for example there's a child and this is what this

[7:26]is an obligation this is a problem for me and I have

[7:29]to raise this child other people they're afraid that one day I

[7:31]may get divorced I know I met a young man once it

[7:34]was probably thirty thirty one he hadn't gotten married I told him

[7:37]why don't you get married he says because I'm wealthy and every

[7:42]time I go to get married I put a condition to the

[7:44]family that if you want to do if the girl wants to

[7:48]divorce one day then she will not take half of my money

[7:51]this is the law in this country correct half of the money

[7:53]is automatically given to them I'm a wealthy person so when I

[7:57]want marry a girl I want to make sure she does not

[7:59]want she does not abuse she does not divorce after a few

[8:03]months a few years and takes obviously the families they don't accept

[8:06]they consider this what oh so you're thinking about divorce from now

[8:08]we don't want you to marry our daughter this is what this

[8:12]is a form of disrespect to the family so you find with

[8:14]marriage there are complications he knows that if he gets divorced half

[8:17]of his money will go there will be lawyers they'll be settlements

[8:19]all of these complications with marriage why go through that valley of

[8:26]all these obligations all these you know financial obligations and complications and

[8:29]commitment I have to stay with one person the better obviously the

[8:35]better choices to date it's free there's absolutely no obligations there's no

[8:38]responsibilities and that's why you find in this country marriage keeps on

[8:44]getting postponed and postponed and postponed and many people I read in

[8:50]one study it said that one in every five Americans over the

[8:54]age of 25 they never they're never married they never even get

[9:00]married so this shows what this shows that marriage to us is

[9:04]what it's something of the past we're slowly slowly moving towards that

[9:08]way that we don't need marriage anymore and that's why many of

[9:10]our youth they ask us what is Islam's point what is Islam's

[9:17]perspective stands when it comes to what when it comes to dating

[9:19]are we allowed from an Islamic point of view to date or

[9:25]not as a talent or is it Haram because you see for

[9:29]all the parents when we have children raising in this country we

[9:32]have to be concerned about this topic I probably was raised in

[9:35]the Middle East and India Pakistan and Saudi Arabia and Iraq and

[9:38]Lebanon wherever and those countries dating was never a problem because dating

[9:44]was what is looked as a taboo there it's difficult for someone

[9:49]to even date in many of those countries because it's you know

[9:51]you can't even reach the opposite gender the schools are separate you

[9:55]know there's strict laws in the house and so on and so

[9:59]forth and it's looked down upon so if they wanted to do

[10:00]what they'd have to secretly do it behind the back of their

[10:04]parents in a secret in this country that's not how it is

[10:07]dating in this country is perfectly normal and acceptable to the society

[10:13]so when my child is raised in this country he will be

[10:16]raised with this mentality what's wrong with dating everybody dates in this

[10:20]country it's perfectly normal as early as they're four or five years

[10:24]old they teach them dating is fine go and open disney channel

[10:27]nickelodeon channel look at their cartoons and their shows every cartoon and

[10:31]show has to have something about boyfriend/girlfriend dating kissing i see some

[10:36]some show is there for kids you find two six-year-old kids in

[10:42]the cartoon or in the show six years old the boy and

[10:44]the girl and they speak about love and they kiss each other

[10:49]this is how they teach our children in school as early as

[10:51]I don't know probably elementary school or middle school they teach them

[10:55]that you have that it's good to have a boyfriend growth when

[10:59]the prom day comes the prom day comes you should have a

[11:00]date to that day and if you and have a date you'll

[11:03]be looking down upon your loser you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend correct

[11:07]Valentine Day comes you should have someone that you gift to you

[11:10]should have a boyfriend so it's all about dating anyway you look

[11:12]it's acceptable there is nothing wrong with it and this is how

[11:18]they teach the children from very very early ages and that's why

[11:20]in one study I read it said that one in every three

[11:26]one in every three eleven year olds in America so over it

[11:30]sent over thirty thirty seven percent so one in every three eleven

[11:34]year old they said that we have been at least in one

[11:40]boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in our lives I'm living yours all their children they

[11:43]don't even know how to do it you know take care of

[11:47]themselves eleven year olds over one third of them they said that

[11:50]we have been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when my child is raised

[11:56]in this country of course these problems are problems that I have

[12:00]to worry about it's no longer like the Middle East and that's

[12:02]why these young ones they come and ask us does Islam accept

[12:06]dating or does it not accept dating now of course when we

[12:09]come to Islam Islam says dating is never the solution Islam discourages

[12:13]dating Aslam says that dating is unacceptable because the option the better

[12:20]option is marriage you have this desire yes and the solution is

[12:25]marriage and there are many hadith I speak about this for example

[12:29]the hadith of the Prophet that says and nikka from insanity feminine

[12:33]Allahabad and SunNet even a so many marriages from my Sunnah from

[12:39]my ways from my teachings and whoever doesn't want to get married

[12:44]then this person is not from my followers the other hadith of

[12:47]the Prophet says ma Boni FL Islam bina a hub in a

[12:51]la minute as weeds there is no institution that Allah loves more

[12:53]than marriage so we tell them marriages of the solution not dating

[12:58]but many of our you don't understand why they tell us why

[13:00]do you say dating is not acceptable I see everyone my friends

[13:02]in the school and on TV everyone's dating some of our youth

[13:08]they see Islam as just a restrictive religion Haram Haram how about

[13:12]correct this is hot this is hot on this is Haram it's

[13:16]all Haram and that's why it is the responsibility of us the

[13:19]parents to teach them the reason why it's happened don't just tell

[13:22]them it's how long show them the harms of they think and

[13:26]only then they will willfully stay away from dating you see we

[13:29]have to do two things when it comes to showing them explain

[13:32]to them why Islam says don't go near dating number one is

[13:35]because we tell them that marriage is the solution and sometimes unfortunately

[13:39]we the parents and the society we are intentionally and unknowingly we

[13:45]force our kids to go to dating do you know why because

[13:51]like I said marriage has become so difficult in this world today

[13:54]if you want to get married there are so many conditions and

[13:58]criterias that you have to meet and if you don't meet them

[14:01]no one will marry you we're making marriage more difficult day after

[14:06]day and that's why a child a young person growing up in

[14:11]this country sees this is available the door of dating is open

[14:14]while the door of marriage is closed do you blame if he

[14:18]goes and tries to find a boyfriend or girlfriend have we tried

[14:20]to facilitate marriage or is it the same and I spoke about

[14:25]marriage last time in Ramadan and how our understanding and what we

[14:29]do with marriage is all on Islamic I have to have what

[14:32]I have to have at least $30,000 for the wedding I mentioned

[14:36]this average American spends $30,000 on their wedding and in our Muslim

[14:40]communities it's not too much about go to the wedding's in Dearborn

[14:42]and see masha'Allah how much they spend now I see everyone needs

[14:45]30 at least thousand dollars for their wedding and then another 15

[14:48]20 thousand for them I have to be 30 years old until

[14:52]I Q my unless I'm lucky I'm wealthy before that so when

[14:55]I place all of these financial obligations of course our youth aren't

[14:58]gonna get married that's one thing another thing is what I have

[15:02]to have a house I have to have a car I have

[15:05]to have a PhD I have to have all these things before

[15:06]I could get married when we place all these criterias for marriage

[15:10]or you can't get married until they're 50 years old of course

[15:15]don't blame them when he goes to propose to a daughter of

[15:16]someone the father says how much money do you have what's your

[15:21]job do you have 30 thousand for the wedding trust me if

[15:23]he doesn't have that most parents will say no we don't want

[15:26]you we are the ones to blame when our children go to

[15:28]dating avoiding boys and boyfriend-girlfriend it's our fault because we haven't made

[15:33]marriage easy we postponed it so much that's why it's Lomb says

[15:36]marriage is so easy all it requires just three words the girl

[15:42]tells the man she has the consent of her father she tells

[15:44]him these three words the watch - cannot see Allah Muharram Allah

[15:47]and then he says I will - but most of our brothers

[15:51]they have a hard time saying they say camel - double -

[15:56]that's it it takes 10 seconds what lie that's it you don't

[15:58]need anything else you don't have to write it you don't need

[16:00]witnesses you don't need anything so watch to connect sialyl Maharal mangu

[16:04]and you decide what the dowry is and the man says /

[16:08]- that's it husband and wife you don't need all of that

[16:11]spending you don't need all of those prerequisites and the invitations and

[16:16]the honeymoons and the how no I mentioned my lecture they can

[16:18]start out simple that why don't they start in the basement of

[16:22]their parents let them start in one room why is it that

[16:23]what the day I get married I have to have my own

[16:26]house why who said that Allah said that who said that half

[16:28]of our marriages end up in divorce read the statistics about divorce

[16:34]why because we're doing everything wrong know if I want to do

[16:37]it this way I don't want to listen to what Islam's it's

[16:40]fine but then when you have problems later don't come back to

[16:43]this area to the Sheikh later why do I have them why

[16:45]do I have problems in my family my family in my marriage

[16:47]because we don't listen to the teachings of Islam don't place these

[16:50]obstacles don't place these hurdles and we the parents we have to

[16:55]try to facilitate and make it easier for our children don't postpone

[16:58]marriage Islam says get married at an early age do you know

[17:00]what age as early as seventeen eighteen ninety but when you hear

[17:04]it now what is this guy saying fine go do it your

[17:06]way and then 5060 percent of marriages end up in divorce do

[17:10]you have a better way you don't and every society go to

[17:12]the Middle East even the rates of divorce in the Middle East

[17:16]in some countries are worse than America because they do nothing Islamic

[17:19]they bring one singer to their wedding they give him $10,000 $20,000

[17:23]$30,000 and then when when a young guy comes and proposes to

[17:26]his daughter he's not that rich no I don't want you fine

[17:31]do it your way so number one if we want to teach

[17:37]our children why dating is not the solution first open the other

[17:41]door encourage them to get married early help them help them in

[17:44]finding the right spouse teach them what they have to do make

[17:48]it easier remove these obstacles that we have placed that Allah has

[17:53]discouraged and condemned these obstacles mostly financial remove them all they are

[17:58]doing is destroying our youth and society so of course they use

[18:01]those sedating so that's number one number two the second thing that

[18:04]we as parents have to do in order to teach our children

[18:08]why they should not date so that they willingly stay away from

[18:10]it we don't have to force them to do that is to

[18:14]show them the dangers of dating you see too many of us

[18:16]this is this is like I said this is how our children

[18:19]are brought up in this country they see dating as very beautiful

[18:23]it's very rosy imagine your child is seeing a beautiful garden and

[18:27]then you tell your child stay away from this gardens harmful they

[18:32]see a beautiful garden filled with flowers correct but what if you're

[18:37]able to change their what perspective and this garden a flower all

[18:41]the sudden it turns to them a pit of fire and snakes

[18:43]will they go in it No so all you have to do

[18:47]is change their lens so let them see dating and it's true

[18:52]form and it's real essence show them when you show them that

[18:56]this is harmful they will stay away from it this is the

[18:59]problem we don't show them and that's why brother and sisters tonight

[19:02]for the remaining minutes I want to speak about the harms of

[19:04]dating so there are young ones when they go to school when

[19:08]they say I don't want to date I don't need a boyfriend

[19:10]I don't need a girlfriend they know why they're saying this they

[19:13]know the harmful consequences especially for the young ones there are so

[19:19]many harms to dating and as they say after all how old

[19:21]was Julia when she started dating Romeo 13 correct and we all

[19:26]know how that ended up correct she died committed suicide so that

[19:29]was only a joke so when we teach them at this early

[19:35]age if you begin to date you think this will make you

[19:40]happy but it will not yes maybe the desire urges you but

[19:43]not everything that my desire tells me I do it because I

[19:48]have uncle until like I have to be wise there at that

[19:50]young age maybe they don't have the wisdom we have to guide

[19:53]them and that's why we'll speak about the harms of of dating

[19:56]so that we can willingly refrain from it and I'll mention four

[20:02]harms of dating the first negative consequence of dating brothers and sisters

[20:07]is that it has proven that dating has a negative effect on

[20:10]your education this is not my words there are studies that were

[20:14]performed they bring classrooms schools they divide the students based on their

[20:20]dating status not marital status not dating status if you have a

[20:25]boyfriend or a girlfriend you're in a relationship stay on this side

[20:28]stand on this side the other ones on this side and then

[20:32]they look at their grades what they have noticed is that they're

[20:35]individuals the students and this is in middle school as early as

[20:38]middle school what they have noticed is the students that have a

[20:41]boyfriend or a girlfriend they do much worse in school than those

[20:46]that don't than the single ones it's not a coincidence they it's

[20:50]a study so they do what they do it so many times

[20:54]until they know that the cause of this is what or one

[20:56]of the major causes is the fact that they are in a

[21:00]relationship and there was a study done by the University of Georgia

[21:02]this study said that what we noticed is the students that had

[21:09]a boyfriend or a girlfriend they did significantly worse in their school

[21:12]significantly worse not a little worse significantly worse and number two this

[21:16]is what the study says by the University of Georgia that what

[21:21]we noticed is those that used to date they were four times

[21:24]more likely to try a drop out of school four times more

[21:28]likely why only because they were dating so number one go Google

[21:33]it's if you don't believe me University of Georgia are dating so

[21:36]number one it has a bad effect on your education why and

[21:41]of course if it has a bad effect on your education the

[21:43]study said and what we known is that those individuals that start

[21:46]to date early at the end of their lives and after they

[21:51]grow up they don't get good jobs they don't get they get

[21:53]the low-level jobs because if you're not doing good in school you're

[21:56]not gonna go to a good college you won't get a good

[21:58]job so it will affect your career just because you are dating

[22:03]now why is this now they don't mention the reason of course

[22:06]but one possible reason is because what it because when you start

[22:09]dating at that young age of course this is time-consuming you're gonna

[22:13]now with all the you know with with what text messages you're

[22:16]gonna spend four hours a day text messaging your loved one i

[22:19]love you i love you more yes this whatever let me buy

[22:21]your gift you're gonna go out with your boyfriend girlfriend you're gonna

[22:24]spend so many hours with that person correct all at the cost

[22:28]of your study time you should be studying in those hours you're

[22:30]gonna spend it behind the computer or behind the iphone just texting

[22:33]and sending messages so this is one another reason is because don't

[22:37]think that always you know these love relationships are always gonna make

[22:42]us happy they're gonna have their bumps correct what if one day

[22:45]the girl or the boys dumped by the other this person is

[22:47]gonna have one week of he's gonna be heartbroken he can't function

[22:52]he can't concentrate he can't study he can't do any correct these

[22:56]11 12 13 year old kids they can't bear the responsibilities and

[23:00]the you know the complications of of these relationships so that's why

[23:09]many times the toll is taken by what by their studies because

[23:11]it's more than that it can handle of course he's not gonna

[23:16]be prepared for the test for the exam so this is number

[23:18]one number two the second according to the study the second harm

[23:22]of dating is what not only does it negatively affect your education

[23:29]but number two dating it negatively affects your behavior the same study

[23:33]done by the University of Georgia and I saw another study done

[23:36]by the University of Toronto in Canada they both said this that

[23:40]dating number one it they noticed that those children are those teenagers

[23:46]that were dating they were much more likely to lie and cheat

[23:51]they were much more likely to lie and cheat just because they

[23:57]were dating and number two what they noticed is that those teenagers

[24:01]that were dating they reported twice as much alcohol tobacco and marijuana

[24:09]use so those students that were dating they reported twice as much

[24:14]drug use alcohol use tobacco use brothers and sisters do you know

[24:18]how plagued our societies are with these problems with drugs every community

[24:22]I go so they tell me one of the biggest problems we

[24:25]have with our youth is drugs when they go into drugs this

[24:28]destroys your life it destroys your career you end up in gangs

[24:33]on the streets if you don't overdose and probably kill yourself if

[24:37]you don't commit suicide because of the depression that it causes every

[24:41]form and way in which my life could be destroyed it's through

[24:45]drugs the study of two universities is saying one of the major

[24:49]causes to drugs for these young ones at school is what is

[24:55]dating so if we want to eliminate these harms we have to

[24:59]go to the roots and one of the roots we're not saying

[25:01]though the only reason why people don't do drugs is dating and

[25:05]this is one of the reasons it helps there are twice more

[25:07]likely to what they require to report it twice as much alcohol

[25:12]tobacco and marijuana use so this is number two the harms of

[25:14]dating that's why we have to be careful our children and schools

[25:16]and what they teach them this is number two and then number

[25:21]three we go to the third negative and harmful consequence of dating

[25:24]and this is not just for the young ones but for everyone

[25:28]when they ask why Islam is against dating why Islam says dating

[25:31]is never a solution is because dating can lead to many complications

[25:37]in marriage later on you see many of us even the individuals

[25:40]that dates they say I'll get married one day dating has been

[25:43]proven to complicate your marriage later on do you know that why

[25:47]you see when we start young remember we said one-third of eleven

[25:51]year old are dating when we start today the first time you

[25:55]see or very sincere these young ones they're very sincere they are

[25:59]very innocent they're honest they trust everyone and when they start dating

[26:04]they express their true desires and their true feelings and now how

[26:09]does dating happen most of it happens online so the guy and

[26:12]he likes this girl in his class he doesn't go directly now

[26:16]it's there's a much easier way go to Facebook find her profile

[26:19]on Facebook and give her a like that's step one now when

[26:23]that girl she's 11 years old it's the first time she's gotten

[26:25]it like from a boy now what does she think oh this

[26:29]boy loves me he wants to get married to me there's no

[26:33]any better she thinks this boy is gonna be her happy husband

[26:35]for the rest her life because he gave her a light she's

[26:40]so happy for a week and then he sends her you know

[26:42]those emojis what the kissing emoji and now she's sure that this

[26:45]person should be her husband so now what does she do now

[26:50]she's food and to opening her heart now she sends him a

[26:52]message I like you too and then she tells him I love

[26:56]you so what does he do so he sends her back a

[27:00]message and he tells her I love you also I love you

[27:02]more now what this poor girl doesn't know eleven-year-old girl is that

[27:07]this guy is on the computer and he has five screens open

[27:09]he's doing copy-paste I love you I love you I love you

[27:14]but this girl doesn't know she's 11 years old or it could

[27:15]happen to the guy the guy could be speaking to her and

[27:20]she's doing copy-paste to him this poor girl thinks she's the only

[27:23]one and she truly thinks this person will marry her because she's

[27:25]innocent she knows better she doesn't know any better she has no

[27:30]person to guide her no person that told her be careful don't

[27:32]trust everyone they trust anyone and that's why I always say brothers

[27:36]and sisters social media is very very dangerous to our children I'll

[27:39]speak more about this the day after tomorrow when I'll speak more

[27:44]about raising children how dangerous social media is and how we have

[27:48]to restrict it I remember I read once on the internet that

[27:51]there was this guy who who had a two-year relationship with a

[27:56]woman this is the old guy like in probably in his 30s

[27:59]40s he had a two-year relationship with another woman but it was

[28:05]all online it was an online relationship after two years he realized

[28:11]that that woman was not a woman it was a man sending

[28:13]fake pictures fake messages and I don't know why that guy did

[28:19]it just to have a laugh for two years only after two

[28:21]years day now everything could be fake brothers or sisters the pictures

[28:24]you see the comments don't trust anything you see on the internet

[28:30]and I read once also a study that said one out of

[28:32]every seven married couple married individuals they thought of divorce because of

[28:38]social media because of the social media of their spouses I go

[28:43]on my Facebook and the Twitter and the Instagram and I don't

[28:45]know what all these new things that are coming out i check

[28:47]my husband's I see you know what he's giving an appropriate comments

[28:51]inappropriate like so on so forth I want a divorce or the

[28:55]husband goes on the wives accounts and he sees there are inappropriate

[28:58]things one in every seven married person has thought of divorced because

[29:02]of social media Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and all these other

[29:08]apps so we have to be careful so this girl once again

[29:10]so he tells her I love you but you know what he

[29:14]tells he sends it every day he tells a girl I love

[29:17]you but she does not know that or he does not know

[29:19]that because it's their first time so what happens to this individual

[29:25]this individual thinks that he's in a true relationship that she or

[29:27]he is in a true relationship until a few months after that

[29:30]or sometimes a few days after they find out that they weren't

[29:33]the only one do you know what happens to this child their

[29:35]heart is shattered their heart is broken they're devastated they become suicidal

[29:40]they don't want to eat for entire week oh because I thought

[29:44]I was the only one it appears I was not the only

[29:46]one there's ten there's 15 just like me it was playing me

[29:50]he was fooling me or she was fooling me and playing me

[29:51]they're devastated but what happens now they're scarred now that they're scarred

[29:57]they want to go back again and date because this is what

[30:00]you do in America you just date and date you have to

[30:03]have a date always now that they go a second time they're

[30:07]a little more what reserved they're a little more careful correct because

[30:10]they've been one bit and once they go a second time but

[30:13]the second time they also have some problems they're also fooled the

[30:19]guy dumps them whatever so now there's card a second time and

[30:22]then they go a third time and and the more they go

[30:26]the more careful they become because they've been won their heart has

[30:29]been broken so many times until the sixth seventh time or the

[30:32]tenth time they began to they begin to mistrust everyone any man

[30:37]that comes to the girl she begins to become suspicious of him

[30:42]why does he's why is he speaking to me is he one

[30:43]of those bad individuals that has ten girlfriend does he just want

[30:46]to abuse me does he want to miss you all these what

[30:48]all the suspicions that come likewise the man's thinks that or does

[30:51]she just for example want to benefit from me in a certain

[30:55]way from my money or whatever so we become what we become

[31:00]so suspicious and we begin to mistrust everyone now what is that

[31:04]eventually to eventually when I grow up and I want to get

[31:06]married I begin to develop a long list of conditions before I

[31:12]get married to anyone because I have been one because I've been

[31:15]hurt so much I want to make sure I'm no longer earth

[31:19]I have all these insecurities so I began to develop a long

[31:22]list of conditions I want my wife to have this this this

[31:26]this this this is 500 conditions I want my husband to have

[31:28]700 conditions 10 conditions why because I don't want to be hurt

[31:33]I don't want to be naive anymore I have to make sure

[31:36]he has all these qualities and brothers and sisters the more we

[31:39]add to the conditions the more difficult marriage will be sometimes I

[31:43]see in the communities certain brothers or sisters they want to get

[31:46]married but they have such a long list of qualities I tell

[31:50]them brother sister maybe this person doesn't even exist you'll have to

[31:53]search 10 20 years you won't find them that's why we're getting

[31:55]made we're getting married at such a late age and you ask

[31:59]some people why don't you get married I haven't found the right

[32:02]person you'll never find the right person with this attitude where you

[32:05]put 20 conditions why did he put 20 conditions because of his

[32:10]dark past he doesn't want to be her anymore you see what

[32:12]dating does to us it creates this insecurity within you I will

[32:16]not get married and then once this happens marriage will get postponed

[32:21]and postponed as well and once you get married what happens once

[32:24]you get married you tell the wife I have all these conditions

[32:26]every day you keep on adding a condition if you don't like

[32:30]it get out of the house problems rise they mentioned you know

[32:34]that there was a woman that went to a shop and they

[32:38]were selling men in that shop this is only a joke though

[32:40]no don't worry the store doesn't exist they were selling men in

[32:43]that shop and she wanted to go and buy a man so

[32:47]she sees there is a sign there is a rule in the

[32:51]store what's the rule there are six floors in the store and

[32:53]each floor you go up you'll find different qualities but however the

[32:57]golden rule is if you go up you can't go down she's

[33:00]okay she goes to the first floor she sees a sign it

[33:04]says that all the men here she sees lots of men on

[33:05]this play they have look this quality they're religious okay but that's

[33:11]not enough for me she goes to level 2 level 2 she

[33:12]sees a sign all the men here are religious and they're what

[33:17]and they're good-looking she's okay that's better but I want more she

[33:20]goes to the third level all the men here are religious they're

[33:24]good-looking and they're wealthy okay this is even better but I want

[33:26]more she goes to the fourth level they're religious they're good-looking they're

[33:29]wealthy and they're good with children okay this is even better but

[33:32]I want more she goes to the fifth level all that was

[33:36]built in the previous levels good-looking wealthy religious good with children and

[33:42]they're strong physically so now she's tempted to accept it by but

[33:45]then the greed once again we want more and more and more

[33:49]she says let me go up to the final level she goes

[33:49]to the final level she says there's absolutely no men it's empty

[33:54]and then there's a sign that says this level only exists to

[33:56]prove that you will never ever be satisfied you will keep on

[34:01]wanting more and more and more now this is probably a joke

[34:03]a story but this is true for many people they're never satisfied

[34:06]because they're hurt so much in their lives they keep on adding

[34:11]conditions conditions conditions so I'm losing time brothers sisters this is number

[34:15]three and finally number four what dating does to us is that

[34:19]it increases the chance of divorce later how you see like I

[34:23]said when you're dating you're not bound to any what you're not

[34:26]bound to any contract correct you could leave any time you want

[34:29]this is what dating is that's why we don't get married sometimes

[34:32]because we don't want to be in a permanent relationship I want

[34:36]to leave whenever I feel like it now since you are in

[34:39]this type of relationship where you're not bound by a contract there's

[34:43]nothing forcing you to stay with that person then you can leave

[34:47]whenever you want let's say one day you're dating a girl you

[34:50]see another girl who's more beautiful who's prettier what's gonna prevent you

[34:54]from just dumping your and going to the second one there's no

[34:57]divorce there's no con you never said I won't leave you you

[35:02]never said it because it's a it's just a dating relationship it's

[35:05]not marriage there's nothing to prevent you correct I don't want any

[35:08]I don't want you anymore too bad I want the other one

[35:11]it's so easy you know that you just leave her there's no

[35:13]divorce process or whatever since there's nothing to prevent you this is

[35:19]going to encourage you you're not gonna be afraid of leaving changing

[35:22]if you change once you're gonna say you know what this girl

[35:27]is more beautiful but then then again there's a third girl that

[35:29]girl maybe she's better and then you're gonna change a second time

[35:34]and a third time and if that's the nature of dating have

[35:35]you seen some person that just dates one person no you date

[35:39]you try out everyone you try out ten 20 people and that's

[35:41]why I read one statistic that said an average American dates before

[35:45]they get married anywhere from 7 to 15 people so we keep

[35:49]on changing now once you keep on changing 3 4 or 5

[35:51]times what happens eventually it becomes a habit you become addicted to

[35:56]changing now now that it's become a habit you think all of

[35:59]a sudden you could just settle on one woman and get married

[36:03]to her you think you could just settle in one man and

[36:06]get married to him your whole life you're used to changing changing

[36:09]changing this man to this man for this woman to this woman

[36:10]all the sudden you want to settle on one woman for the

[36:13]rest of your life I don't think they'll be too difficult because

[36:15]you're so used to changing and changing and changing and this leads

[36:21]to two problems what number one when you get married you'll feel

[36:23]like you're in a cage because before that you were so free

[36:26]I could change whenever I want and I changed someone now I'm

[36:30]stuck to this woman for the rest of eternity or else I

[36:32]have to divorce and if I divorce I have correct first of

[36:37]all you won't be too happy you'll be you'll be you'll feel

[36:39]like you're stuck and number two what will what will this do

[36:46]the second thing that this will do you'll begin comparing your wife

[36:50]to the other ones you see if you had 50 girlfriends before

[36:53]now you're married to this girl you're gonna say you know what

[36:58]number seven she looked a little better in the morning number 18

[37:01]her smile was nicer when I when I say jokes number 28

[37:08]she laughed more whether the sisters the more the selection the harder

[37:11]is it for you to be satisfied correct if you've had 10

[37:17]cars before and now you buy a car you're gonna start comparing

[37:19]it to the old cars oh the cushion was you know it

[37:22]was more comfortable in that one the pedal was softer that I

[37:25]don't know what was correct versus if they brought you a car

[37:28]for the first time of your life you have nothing to compare

[37:31]it to you're gonna love it it's a car it could take

[37:34]me from point A to point B correct the more the selection

[37:36]the harder it is for you to choose and be satisfied try

[37:40]it with anything go to a store the more this action the

[37:42]more you don't know what to mine this is what marriage done

[37:46]to it this is what dating the thus to us because I've

[37:48]had so much experience with this woman and this man and this

[37:54]woman and this man I'm gonna keep on comparing my wife to

[37:56]those individuals and the likeliness of me being happy with my wife

[37:59]wife or my husband will be less and less and less because

[38:03]I'll keep when I run into a problem well I try to

[38:07]solve it not necessarily because I say you know what the problem

[38:09]is in her because the other one didn't have this problem versus

[38:13]if you're a rookie the first time getting married without any dates

[38:15]when you see a problem for your wife what will you tell

[38:17]yourself you'll tell yourself you know all marriages have problems let's try

[38:22]to solve it the more you have to choose from to compare

[38:25]to the less likely that you will be happy with it and

[38:29]that's why many people they opt for divorce I'm just not happy

[38:31]with it because I have so much to compare to I'm running

[38:35]out of time brothers and sisters and that's why we have to

[38:38]teach our youth why it is very important that we don't go

[38:43]down this road this road this route it will bring nothing but

[38:47]what but sadness sorrow affect our education and behavior so if we

[38:52]understand that and teach that to the youth they will willfully refrain

[38:57]from going this way we tell them the stories of imam ali

[39:02]ali salaam and fatima the story of imam ali and O'Melveny Nadia

[39:05]Sarah um well Benny do you know how he got married to

[39:11]UM Albany and was the night of Ashura Apple fadhl al-abbas he

[39:13]was guarding the tents of imam hussain all the sudden in the

[39:16]middle of the night the woman should all be sleeping as saved

[39:19]as a nap honey Sam all the sudden she comes out of

[39:22]the tent up on fatherly advice thinks this is an enemy turn

[39:24]stories that person he ceases to Zainab's Amy why are you awake

[39:28]how can saying I'm sleep during the tenth night of Ashura tomorrow

[39:31]she knows all the men will be killed her saying our boss

[39:33]all of them they won't be there she says my dear brother

[39:37]Abbas I have something on my chest that's bothering me I have

[39:39]to tell you what is it I have to tell you the

[39:42]story of how you were born how was I born he tells

[39:47]her that after our my mother Fatima died years after that Imam

[39:50]Ali came to his brother appeal and he told him I want

[39:56]you to find me woman I want to marry her but I

[39:57]wanted to be a special woman I want her to be from

[40:01]a brave and courageous family I can't said why he said because

[40:05]I want her to give me a brave and courageous child why

[40:07]because I want that child to protect her saying on the day

[40:12]of ashura and this is one Akhil and he knew all the

[40:14]families and the lineages he went and found your mother um will

[40:18]Benny so I just want to let you know that the reason

[40:20]why you were born Abbas was to protect her saying Imam Ali

[40:25]he's 3040 years ago before Calabria he's planning let me have a

[40:27]child a strong child that will protect for say none in the

[40:29]abortion so tomorrow Abbas don't bring any shortcomings with her saying save

[40:36]Imam Husayn sacrifice your life for about the like I said I

[40:41]just had to tell you that I will the Abbas the hadith

[40:43]says you took out he put his hand on his sword and

[40:46]he put his feet on the stirrup of the horse and he

[40:47]told her Oh Xena you don't have to tell me this I

[40:51]know this don't worry he said to Allah Allah and I'm Anna

[40:55]Karenina he says I will make you proud tomorrow let anyone come

[40:58]near about Abdullah and I will take care of that person the

[41:02]day of ashura K mothers and sisters all the companions were killed

[41:04]all the men were killed except one a willful abbas remain an

[41:08]imam hussein abad for the Abbas came to mom Hussein he told

[41:12]him my dear brother give me permission to go and fight because

[41:14]I can no longer bear and hear the enemies and hear them

[41:20]and speak against us I can no longer bear seeing that all

[41:22]the companions were killed I can no longer bear hear the children

[41:27]cry out a lot I shall touch the third the thirst I

[41:29]can no longer hear that let me go and kill them Imam

[41:33]Hussain tells them my dear brother Abbas you're my last sword soldier

[41:39]left and to Honolulu ie you're the man that you're the warrior

[41:42]that holds my standard you're the strongest of my supporters how can

[41:45]I let you go and die just like that I can't let

[41:49]you go but then and I say I told him if you

[41:52]must go don't go and fight at least go bring some water

[41:54]for the children I would for the lobos's happy finally he can

[41:58]do something he mounts his horse he takes the bucket he goes

[42:01]towards the direction of the Euphrates history says that four thousand men

[42:05]were guarding the Euphrates this is I will Abbas he's a lion

[42:07]he's the son of Imam Ali he moves them just like that

[42:11]because they're afraid of him he reaches the Euphrates River he comes

[42:15]down from his horse he goes into the water he places his

[42:18]hand can you imagine his condition for three days he's not drank

[42:22]and water and that heat of the deserts of Karbala he's dying

[42:27]of thirst he wants to drink but look at the loyalty of

[42:29]a Lama just look at the iman of an Abbas instead of

[42:34]seeing his reflection in the water what does he see in the

[42:36]water he sees so Ganga he sees the children he sees the

[42:40]parched lips of about Abdullah so he wants to drink the water

[42:43]but then he remembers that his brother Hussein is thirsty he tells

[42:46]himself how can I drink while my brother Hussein is thirsty the

[42:53]Hadiya al-al'ama he threw the water away and he began to read

[42:56]this poem he began to say ya and Absalom a in a

[43:02]bottle Jose me horny the whole of kunti and Sigourney hahaha say

[43:17]no don't matter honey what am I being about Mary needs a

[43:22]namaha duty he begins to tell himself how can I drink while

[43:27]were saying my master is thirsty never will I do that he

[43:31]throws the water he fills the bucket with water while he never

[43:33]drank look at the altruism of a lab bass his loyalty to

[43:38]Imam Hussain he feels the baqia and he goes back on the

[43:40]horse all he cares about is Emma Imam Husayn all he wants

[43:45]is to take the water to the children he goes before he

[43:48]arrives to the tents one of the enemies he ambushes him from

[43:53]the behind and he takes out his sword and he had said

[43:55]Abbas on his right hand and Abbas loses his right right hand

[44:00]and he holds the bucket with his left hand while he says

[44:02]this well I am capital mu Yamini in neo army ever than

[44:08]Undine ii what life you if you suffer my right hand you

[44:14]will never ever stop me from going to a bar Abdullah I

[44:16]will always defend them Abdullah even if it's at the cost of

[44:21]my roughed hand right hand and then he goes continues with his

[44:23]left hand another one of the enemies he strikes and Abbas on

[44:25]his left hand now he loses both of his hands now he

[44:30]is carrying the bucket with his teeth he does not care about

[44:35]his hands all he cares about is for sane and the children

[44:36]and then all the sudden one of the enemies he throws a

[44:41]spear and it hits the party at the water spills this is

[44:44]when Abbas considers himself he's been defeated because now he does not

[44:48]know what to do the hadith says for what the family -

[44:52]hiya I was confused should he go to Imam Hussain but how

[44:56]he has no water should he go and fight but he has

[44:58]no hands what should he do all the sudden one of them

[45:03]he's he hurt a lot by as on his head with a

[45:08]metal rod al-abbas alehissalaam fell on the ground and he cried out

[45:12]are they coming listen ah farewell my brother Hussein Amun proceed when

[45:18]he heard that he came he rushed like a lion when he

[45:23]arrived at the signs of Allah Abbas he saw his hands are

[45:25]severed there is an arrow in his eye another nhj she sat

[45:31]down by the body of a hot bath he took the head

[45:36]of an apology but it's in his life but apart she could

[45:40]not see because one eye there was an arrow the other eye

[45:42]filled with blood he told him a person he did not know

[45:46]who was he thought it was an enemy who told him enemy

[45:47]please give me a few minutes before you kill me why because

[45:52]I want to see my master husain before I die just give

[45:55]me a few seconds with my brother Hussein memorize a dozen opposite

[45:58]it's me your brother Hussain abbas tells that my dear brother Hussain

[46:02]forgive me that I had to die so so so soon and

[46:06]I had to leave you between the enemies all alone and then

[46:09]he tells if I have to request as these two requests break

[46:12]our hearts what are they he tells a number one my dear

[46:18]brother after saying I asked you that after I die please don't

[46:20]take my body back to the tent why I passed Imam Hussein

[46:24]used to take all the bodies of this you had that in

[46:26]the tents after they were killed he tells me don't take my

[46:30]body back to the tent why he tells him because I promised

[46:32]to again I will bring her water I am embarrassed that's ok

[46:36]Anna sees me without the water please leave my body here and

[46:40]that's why you see I would the Abbas he was loved the

[46:43]only one that was left by the Euphrates he did not take

[46:45]him what they show had that he tells him what's your second

[46:49]wish he tells in my second wishes please don't place my head

[46:51]in your lap why isn't this an honor your head is in

[46:54]the lap of crusade he tells them because in a few minutes

[46:56]when you're all alone between the enemies and who's liable you place

[47:02]your head on Yahoo say you see the love of Abbas the

[47:05]altruism the devotion all he cares about is it for saying and

[47:10]then a lot of Aziza part in this world Imam Hussein RA

[47:16]he said I'm gana from the sight of Allah by the narrator

[47:22]say that he was placing his hand on his back and he

[47:26]says that line and again let's reality why Shamu should be yeah

[47:33]I do he said now my back has been broken now my

[47:36]enemies have defeated me because Abbas has been killed and then Imam

[47:40]Hussein RA I went to the turns who came to greet him

[47:45]Sakina came out of the tent she told him my dear father

[47:50]where is my uncle Abbas will he bring us any water he

[47:56]told her my dear daughter Shekinah in the hands of a long

[48:00]bars or Safari there is an arrow and as I another in

[48:04]his chest and I love stay by the Euphrates Roger was a

[48:14]young Latino male mullah Mohammed in a medical opinion pally born 1

[48:18]October two little tepee a local on monitor ok listen to kill

[48:24]a demon album and halogen Allah Crimea Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah

[48:28]Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Allah morning

[48:35]many Noel Menards Allah even home 1 am what excuse me Allah

[48:39]hey I mean whom Allah what Allah genuinely can feride watch on

[48:43]demand on sorry here one here one was - Adina been a

[48:47]day well are one more Manini one more Minaj Normandy so are

[48:49]Belfer to her Mahalo [Applause] [Music]

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