The most important point to having a good family | Ali Reza Panahian

The most important point to having a good family

Politeness, the main principle for managing in a family

Dignity comes first in a family. Friends, do you know what this means? It means politeness is more necessary than love. In a family, politeness is prior to love. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will easily curse. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will show indifference and pout, which is such an ugly behavior. When you replace politeness with love, since love fluctuates, a person may like one member more and express this love leading to discrimination in the family.
Politeness means respect. Respect is the main part of self-esteem. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respecting shouldn’t be ignored. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness. Parents being displeased is not about not loving parents. One may not like his/her parents. He doesn’t like them. What can we do? Liking isn’t by force. He loves something else more, fine. But, he shouldn’t be impolite. Because, dignity and respect are the first principles, whoever is managing a situation.
When a mother gets angry at home, she should control what she says. What is the greatest virtue of a woman? Behaving well with her husband. Why? Because behaving well with husbands is hard for women. Why? I’m sorry but, because men are usually a little sloppy. They are a little unemotional too. Also, their taste isn’t very good, and they don’t show excitement. They exasperate women. Women must tolerate them. Therefore, “A woman’s struggle is to behave well with her husband.” [Nahj al-Balaghah, saying no. 133] You (women) don’t need to fight with “Saddam.” Your Saddam is your honourable husband whom you must show consideration for. What should you do? Behave well with your husband. If a woman is impolite, as soon as she sees a wrong behaviour, she will use the sword of frowning. She lifts her eyebrows and frowns like a sword! It’s as if she has stabbed her husband in the heart. The child sees what an angry mother he has! Then, this child can’t be corrected anymore.
Psychologists and the Imams have spoken about this. Psychologists say, “Women, when your husbands come home, don’t say anything negative, and don’t make any demands or criticize for the first 10 minutes.” What have the Imams said? They have said, “As soon as he comes in, express your love.” You’ll beguile him! I’m saying this in front of men. Respect uplifts your child. Wow! This woman is showing respect and being polite!
A man too. When he wants to manage a situation, he should respect his wife. A tradition says,«علَیکَ فَتُکرِمَها و تَرفُقَ بها ، و إن کانَ حَقُّکَ علَیها أوجَبَ» “You should respect your wife and be compassionate and tolerant with her, although your right on her is weightier.” But, you should respect her too. Don’t think since your right is weightier, you can do whatever you want. Whoever wants to manage others should know that politeness and respect are the first principles. No matter what, you must adhere to these. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness.
Politeness means respect. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respect shouldn’t be ignored.

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