Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Dignity - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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[0:00]Had no [Music] [Music] Junah.

[0:42][Music] [Music] Hi father.

[1:06]Hi Al.

[1:18][Music] [Music] Allahbarbah [Music] [Music] in Allah.

[1:50]Oh, alhamdulillah.

[2:14]Alhamdulillah.

[2:17]foreign Muhammad.

[2:50]Aliham.

[2:51]Mhammed.

[3:33]the most dignified and honored of God's creations is the human being.

[3:44]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala out of the billions of creation has given

[3:49]the human being the respect and the dignity and the resources and

[3:54]the power that makes the human being surpass all other creations and

[4:02]the tools to live a dignified life and from amongst the tools

[4:10]and resources that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given us to live

[4:14]a dignified life is the religion and the prophets and the messengers.

[4:19]One of the purposes of religion is for me to live a

[4:25]life of a life of dignity and honor.

[4:28]This is why Allah says in the Quran, we sent our prophets

[4:39]and our messengers and we gave them the books and everything so

[4:43]people do not oppress one another.

[4:45]So people live a dignified life.

[4:49]And a part of living a dignified life.

[4:54]How do I live a dignified life?

[4:58]There are some lifestyle choices that I have to have to live

[5:03]a dignified and honored life.

[5:03]And the Quran gives us several lifestyle choices that we should live

[5:09]by.

[5:10]One of those choices is to set boundaries.

[5:16]In Islam, it is something that is important for a person to

[5:24]set boundaries in life and live your life through these boundaries.

[5:29]Today one of the biggest problems that people have in relationships whether

[5:35]it's through marriage whether it's through parent child relationship whether it's relationships

[5:41]with your with your work with your co-workers with your employer with

[5:46]people around you is the lack of proper boundaries.

[5:52]People don't set true boundaries for themselves and as a result of

[5:56]not having boundaries they end up hurting themselves or they end up

[5:59]hurting other people.

[6:02]You see when it comes to relationships people are either too extreme.

[6:07]Either there's no relationship at all or if there is a relationship

[6:10]sometimes it goes it becomes pushy.

[6:14]it becomes more pushing the line and crossing the boundaries and this

[6:20]makes relationships unhealthy in Islam.

[6:22]When it comes to relationships with anything that you have, you are

[6:26]supposed to set boundaries because Islam wants you to live a balanced

[6:35]lifestyle.

[6:33]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gave us religion but Allah does not want

[6:38]religion to consume everything in my life.

[6:41]Allah wants me to live balanced lifestyle when it comes to religion,

[6:44]when it comes to finances, when it comes to family, when it

[6:49]comes to career.

[6:51]This is why Allah says in the Quran, you are a nation

[6:57]that is supposed to be living a moderate live with moderation.

[7:01]In anything that you do, you are supposed to live with moderation.

[7:09]This is why Islam tells me even when it comes to religion

[7:11]and when it comes to when it comes to the afterlife when

[7:16]it comes to this life and when it comes to afterlife have

[7:18]balance in your life.

[7:20]There are some people they say I want to be religious then

[7:22]therefore I'm going to disconnect with everyone around me.

[7:26]I'm not going to enjoy anything in this life.

[7:27]No, this is not what Allah wants you to do.

[7:30]Allah wants you to have a little bit of this life and

[7:35]focus on the afterlife.

[7:34]This is why Allah says work for the but don't forget the

[7:47]you also have to have a share in this dunya and this

[7:49]is how Islam teaches us to live a balanced life to set

[7:56]boundaries and this is something very important when it comes to people

[8:00]that we are interacting with when it comes to friends when it

[8:02]comes to uh work setting boundaries ries is something that is very

[8:11]important even when you're doing something good.

[8:12]You know sometimes someone wants to do something good but they might

[8:16]be crossing the boundary and doing something good.

[8:19]Allah this is narrated in in in the of one of the

[8:26]verses whereas one day a man came to the prophet and he

[8:29]asked him for clothing.

[8:31]So the prophet gave him another man came and asked himoolah gave

[8:36]his own shirt.

[8:36]Now maybe he had a over like a shirt on top and

[8:40]one on the bottom.

[8:42]He wanted to leave.

[8:42]Now the prophet he's he's put himself in a predicament in a

[8:48]in a difficult situation.

[8:48]So he because he gave some he gave too much.

[8:54]The Quran says don't put your hand meaning don't be stingy where

[8:59]your hands are close to your neck and don't stretch your hand

[9:07]out all the way.

[9:07]Live with moderation.

[9:09]Don't be someone who's so greedy you don't give anything.

[9:11]And don't be someone who gives everything.

[9:13]You have to keep a little bit for yourself.

[9:16]And this is the beauty of Islam.

[9:18]Islam says you want to be religious, be religious but also focus

[9:22]on your dunya.

[9:24]And in order to live a religious life, we have to have

[9:30]balance in our life.

[9:31]And in order to have balance, we have to have boundaries.

[9:34]You need to have boundaries.

[9:36]And there's nothing wrong with having boundaries in life.

[9:38]Boundaries in your marriage, boundaries in with your friends, boundaries with work,

[9:45]boundaries with people around you.

[9:49]Setting boundaries and this is something that is not wrong.

[9:51]And Islam teaches me as a mmin I should not cross my

[9:56]boundaries.

[9:57]Meaning I can't come and be abusive in my relationship.

[9:59]I can't come and take from someone.

[10:02]I can't come and say something that's wrong.

[10:03]That's crossing boundaries.

[10:06]And similarly, Islam tells me you have the right to preserve your

[10:11]own boundaries and you there are certain things that have to do

[10:16]with you and you should not allow people to cross those boundaries.

[10:20]And you see for example the Quran teaches us the Quran sets

[10:28]boundaries because there were people that were in their relationship with they

[10:32]would cross their boundaries with the prophet.

[10:35]Why?

[10:36]Because Allah was so kind.

[10:37]Allah was so compassionate.

[10:40]He was so merciful.

[10:40]Some of the Sahabah, they would cross the boundaries with the prophet.

[10:43]They would come, some of them, they would barge in the house

[10:48]of Allah sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

[10:49]He's a prophet of God.

[10:50]They would come and they would barge in his own house or

[10:55]they would stick their head inside the house of the prophet and

[10:58]they would call him Muhammad.

[10:58]Oh Muhammad, come out to us.

[11:01]First of all, they would be disrespectful by calling him Muhammad, not

[11:05]Yahool Allah.

[11:06]The ver the Quran comes down and says you call him Yahool

[11:08]Allah.

[11:10]And second, you cannot cross these boundaries.

[11:14]And the Quran brings down a whole chapter in the Quran.

[11:19]I believe chapter 33 in the Quran or not 33 uh um

[11:26]it brings down a whole a whole um a whole way of

[11:34]dealing with people and Allah says in the Quran those who call

[11:43]you behind the wall and come and call your name they cross

[11:47]their boundaries most of them do not understand if they're wait they

[12:00]wait a little until you come out to them this is much

[12:05]better for them and Allah is the all uh merciful so you

[12:08]see that Allah subhana wa ta'ala shows us that there's nothing wrong

[12:11]with setting boundaries and even the Quran sets boundaries for Allah because

[12:15]some of the Sahabah they would cross the boundaries when it comes

[12:20]comes to the holy prophet.

[12:21]Now some people they come and they say but if I set

[12:22]boundaries in my relationships meaning I set with with between even in

[12:31]a marriage with friends with family then that means people are going

[12:34]to see that I'm a bad person.

[12:35]It's they're going to take it as a bad thing.

[12:38]But in fact it is not a bad thing.

[12:40]In fact setting boundaries is something healthy.

[12:43]It's it's way a way to preserve the relationship and preserve your

[12:48]own dignity and foster a healthy relationship because a healthy relationship is

[12:52]one that is mutual, one that both sides respect one another, not

[12:56]when one side imposes on the other and this is something that

[13:02]is very important.

[13:02]So setting a boundary does not mean I'm fighting with people.

[13:07]It means I set the rules of the relationship.

[13:09]Sometimes for example you see in a marriage today some people they

[13:13]think that if I got married then that means one person totally

[13:18]dominates every decision that takes place in the relationship.

[13:20]This is crossing boundaries because at the end of the day two

[13:24]human beings they both got married.

[13:26]They both have emotions.

[13:28]They both have needs.

[13:28]They both have rights.

[13:30]They both have responsibilities and duties.

[13:32]If one person wants to dominate everything in the relationship then they

[13:36]are definitely crossing boundaries and this is wrong.

[13:38]And in Islam, you have the right even if you are in

[13:43]a relationship, even if it's a marriage, even if it's between parents

[13:47]and children, whatever it is, these relationships need to be respected and

[13:52]um the boundaries cannot be crossed.

[13:56]Similarly with a business today someone you might enter, you might have

[13:59]a business partner and one business partner comes and totally imposes every

[14:03]decision on the other.

[14:07]This is wrong.

[14:07]um when it comes to when it comes to kids today some

[14:12]people they say my kids I could decide everything 100% of their

[14:16]choices in life no Islam comes and says no you don't you

[14:20]have the right to make sure you you carry out their best

[14:22]interest but at the end of the day that's a human being

[14:27]that's a human being that has rights that has that has boundaries

[14:29]as well and you must respect it and this is why scholars

[14:34]say that the willlaya the authority of a father as soon as

[14:37]Your child go becomes Balik.

[14:40]The father does not have full authority.

[14:40]Yes, you have the authority to guide to admonish.

[14:44]You have the responsibility to guide and admonish.

[14:48]But you can't make decisions on behalf of your children.

[14:51]There was a man during the life of during the time of

[14:57]im he comes to the imam and he tells him my father

[15:00]and my mother they were telling me to marry such and such

[15:03]person but I want to marry such and such person.

[15:07]Who do I marry?

[15:07]Immad Alam he says you marry the one that you want to

[15:13]marry.

[15:14]And that's how Islam teaches you to to not cross boundaries and

[15:18]you have your own responsibilities and duties and your own rights.

[15:22]Inshallah in the next sermon we will give some examples of how

[15:27]sometimes boundaries are crossed in our communities and societies in different ways

[15:31]and different forms.

[15:44]What surah was it?

[15:45]>> What number surah was it?

[15:55]Alhamdulillah.

[15:57]Alhamdulillah.

[16:21]Aliham.

[16:23]Ali Muhammadu.

[16:53]Hussein Hussein Muhammad Aliham.

[17:20]My dear brothers and sisters, we are talking about the importance of

[17:26]living a life of moderation because this is what Islam calls for

[17:29]us to do.

[17:31]Live a balanced lifestyle.

[17:31]In order to live a balanced lifestyle, balance in your relationship, in

[17:42]your in your finances, in everything in life.

[17:43]You need to set boundaries in life.

[17:49]You need to set and a mmin a mmin is a person

[17:50]that lives by boundaries.

[17:52]This is what makes this is the difference between a mmin and

[17:56]someone who's not a mman because a non-believer will cross all boundaries.

[18:00]They don't care.

[18:02]They don't see any red lines.

[18:04]They don't see anything wrong.

[18:04]But a believer is the one that is very careful.

[18:11]Meaning that if I have a difference between someone, even though I

[18:15]might not like that person, but I'm not going to cross my

[18:17]boundary because I know that God is watching me.

[18:21]If I have a financial dispute with someone, I know I I

[18:27]am I have difference with this person, but because I know God

[18:31]is watching, there's boundaries in the relationship.

[18:34]And this is this is what a mu does.

[18:39]Amin meaning a m has a a m is someone that is

[18:39]is has a perimeter around their life and they they live their

[18:44]life by that perimeter and they don't allow uh boundaries to be

[18:48]crossed.

[18:49]They do not cross boundaries and it's very important to set boundaries

[18:53]and not allow boundaries to be crossed.

[18:55]Now sometimes I might say I'm a mman I'm not going to

[18:56]hurt someone.

[18:58]I'm not going to cross boundaries.

[18:59]But sometimes maybe someone who is very kind, they get stepped all

[19:05]over.

[19:06]They get walked all over.

[19:11]Their boundaries are crossed.

[19:10]And a mmin is also one who does not allow others to

[19:14]cross their boundaries.

[19:16]It's a two-way.

[19:17]You know, a lot of us, we think that, oh, I'm not

[19:20]going to hurt anyone.

[19:22]I'm not going to cross anyone's boundaries.

[19:22]But what defines my iman is that I have to be strong

[19:27]enough to defend myself to defend my honor to defend my dignity

[19:32]my because God has given me that and I should not allow

[19:34]anyone to take away my dignity and I should defend the honor

[19:40]and dignity of other people as well.

[19:41]Often times we see we live in a society we live in

[19:46]a time where boundaries are crossed and people don't know where to

[19:50]draw the line.

[19:52]One of the places and areas where boundaries are constantly crossed is

[19:57]at the work in your career.

[20:00]You know in the past couple maybe a decade ago before that

[20:05]people used to everyone used to go to work they used to

[20:07]go to the office you go you work 9 to5 and then

[20:12]you go home and that's it you don't have work you don't

[20:15]have career right now now what is it now they come and

[20:20]they say you don't need to go to work here's a phone

[20:24]here's a laptop and you do your work at home you do

[20:29]your you you take care of your work from home.

[20:32]And now you see a lot of people their boundaries are crossed.

[20:35]They're working 9 to5 but in fact they're working the whole day.

[20:37]In the middle of the night the phone rings and you have

[20:40]to take care of your work, you have to do this.

[20:41]Or sometimes people themselves because of their greed, because of their love

[20:44]for money, because of their bills and all of that, they start

[20:50]bringing their work life into their home life and the work starts

[20:54]taking over the home and then you find that the boundaries are

[20:58]crossed.

[20:58]And this is probably one of the biggest challenge to relationships and

[21:03]marriages is when people don't know where I have to stop working

[21:08]and where I have to start working for my family and where

[21:11]I have to focus on my children and focus on my family.

[21:15]So this is something that is very important.

[21:18]A lot of people because of their work they forget their family,

[21:21]they forget their religion, they forget everything.

[21:24]And that is where you see a line where boundaries are crossed.

[21:26]Now you're bringing your work into your the time for that you

[21:29]have to spend on your family the time that you have to

[21:34]spend on your religion and that is a problem.

[21:35]Another place where we see boundaries are crossed and this something especially

[21:41]you see it with the younger generation that is when social media

[21:48]is used improp it's not used properly.

[21:51]How today everyone has a social media account and sometimes people they

[21:58]post a little bit too much.

[22:01]They're crossing the boundaries.

[22:01]They give away too much of their personal life.

[22:05]Much of their personal life.

[22:06]I ate this.

[22:07]I drank this.

[22:07]I went on this vacation.

[22:09]I wore this dress.

[22:09]I did this.

[22:11]I did that.

[22:13]And the whole world sees everything that you do in your life.

[22:16]And you know what you're doing when you're doing that?

[22:19]When you post everything.

[22:19]There are some people they have an addiction.

[22:21]Today I had a for example a hamburger.

[22:25]I'm going to post it.

[22:24]Today I had um I went out over here.

[22:27]I'm going to post it.

[22:30]Anything that you do, you post it for the whole world to

[22:31]see.

[22:32]You know what you're doing when you're doing that?

[22:35]You're inviting everyone to criticize your life.

[22:38]You're inviting everyone to get involved and have a say and have

[22:41]an opinion on how you live your life and on what you

[22:44]do in your personal life.

[22:44]This is wrong.

[22:46]This is how boundaries are crossed.

[22:48]This is how privacy is taken away.

[22:49]This is how marriage is not intimate anymore.

[22:52]This is how marriage is not between a husband and a wife

[22:54]but it's between the whole world to come and see how these

[22:58]people are living their marriage and that becomes disastrous for a marriage.

[23:03]That becomes very destructive for any type of relationship.

[23:04]So we need to be very careful today.

[23:06]A lot of people they think oh I'm I'm going to be

[23:09]cool and I'm just going to post everything that I do in

[23:11]my personal life.

[23:12]When you do that you're inviting people to get involved and you're

[23:16]allowing people to cross boundaries.

[23:17]Now they're going to be in your home because they're seeing everything

[23:20]that's going on inside your home.

[23:22]They're seeing everything that's going on in the vacation.

[23:26]They're they're going to be involved in your life and that's how

[23:29]boundaries are crossed.

[23:29]And this is why my dear brothers and sisters, Islam talks about

[23:34]the concept of hijab.

[23:37]A lot of people they come and they say Islam is oppressive

[23:40]to women and Islam this and that.

[23:41]Hijab all it is is it's a way of creating boundaries.

[23:46]That's it.

[23:48]You are here.

[23:48]This is the private life.

[23:51]This is the public life.

[23:52]You are a stranger is not allowed to see that which they

[23:54]are not allowed to see.

[23:56]Because the moment they see it, then they're going to be able

[23:59]to criticize.

[24:00]And a lot of people they come and they say, "Oh, it's

[24:01]not my problem." You know, there are sick people out there.

[24:05]They look at you and I could dress whatever I want.

[24:07]You hear sometimes some people saying that.

[24:08]They say, "Let a lady dress however she wants and it's the

[24:12]problem of people.

[24:14]If they look at her in a bad way, it's their problem."

[24:15]Yeah, it is their problem if they're looking at her in a

[24:18]bad way.

[24:18]But if you're dressed in a very revealing way, that means you're

[24:21]inviting people to look at you.

[24:24]You're inviting people to cross the boundary.

[24:25]And you can't control what people think and what people say.

[24:30]Therefore, you're allowing boundaries to be crossed.

[24:34]Islam says, "Practice hijab.

[24:34]Practice um partition.

[24:35]Between a husband and wife, there's no hijab.

[24:38]Between family members, there's no hijab.

[24:41]But between strangers, there should be hijab.

[24:44]And dressing modestly is a way to set boundaries.

[24:45]When you are when you go to work, whether you're a man

[24:51]or woman, if you practice hijab, hijab is for both.

[24:53]If you let the world know, I'm practicing hijab, you're telling people,

[24:56]I have boundaries.

[24:58]You cannot cross these lines.

[24:59]I'm not going to allow you to cross this boundary.

[25:03]But if you're not, and you're revealing everything, then you're telling people,

[25:08]it's okay.

[25:07]You could comment on my body.

[25:10]You could see whatever you want, and you could say whatever you

[25:12]want.

[25:12]And this is a way to allow boundaries to be crossed.

[25:17]Another way where we see boundaries are crossed often is between friends.

[25:22]Between friends some people they think just because I'm we're friends with

[25:26]each other then that means I have the right to know everything

[25:28]in the life of that person and that means that person has

[25:30]the right to come or that person can come and ask me

[25:35]everything in my personal life.

[25:36]No friends, friendship has limits as well.

[25:39]You're not supposed to just because you're friends with someone, you're not

[25:43]supposed to go and be nosy and ask for everything.

[25:47]And because someone's your friend, they do not have the right to

[25:50]get involved in everything in your business.

[25:53]And this is why one of the narrations from the prophet and

[25:57]the B they talk about the importance of kitman, the importance of

[26:00]not saying everything.

[26:02]This is one way to create boundaries.

[26:04]when you don't come and say everything in your life to the

[26:07]whole world.

[26:09]Theith of Allah says he says use kitman meaning by not revealing

[26:23]everything in your life.

[26:25]That's how you could achieve your accomplishments and your goals in life.

[26:30]Because every person who has a is people are looking at you

[26:35]and there are some people not everyone wants the best for you.

[26:38]There are some people they might wish for the to be taken

[26:44]away from you.

[26:43]So you should not be s sitting and telling everything telling some

[26:49]people they're open book you know they tell everything in their life

[26:52]to everyone out there.

[26:52]This is not right.

[26:54]And there are narrations that say that a mmin a person should

[26:56]not do that especially if you have a secret.

[26:59]Now sometimes there's something it's okay if everyone knows about but sometimes

[27:03]there are certain things that they're not meant for everyone to know.

[27:06]They're not meant for everyone to be talking about.

[27:10]They're not meant to be gossiped in the community and other people

[27:14]talking about this is a the he says he says your secret

[27:25]is your prisoner.

[27:25]You have a secret it's your prisoner.

[27:27]But the moment you speak about it, what happens?

[27:30]But if you speak of it, you become its prisoner.

[27:34]You become the prisoner of that secret.

[27:36]Now, whoever talks about it, your life is in shambles.

[27:38]Your life is in is a mess.

[27:43]One recent example that is very relevant in the news right now

[27:47]is the old Trump issue with the uh Jeffrey Epstein uh case.

[27:51]Trump was talking about it as if it's a conspiracy.

[27:54]Now, his secret is there.

[27:57]Now, the whole world wants to know about it and he's so

[28:01]worried and he's trying to cover up for it.

[28:03]So, Islam comes and says, "Live with moderation.

[28:06]live a balanced life and set a perimeter around your around yourself

[28:10]and you don't need to tell everyone everything.

[28:13]Sometimes you have something in your heart.

[28:15]You don't need to go and tell the world world about it.

[28:17]Look at prophet Ysefam.

[28:18]Allah describes that prophet Ysef when he saw his brothers, he didn't

[28:22]immediately tell them I'm your brother because he had a greater goal

[28:28]in mind.

[28:27]He wanted to achieve his goal and then he tells them and

[28:32]when they did something bad in front of him he was able

[28:35]to control himself because they spoke about his brother and they said

[28:40]is a thief just like he had another brother Ysef he used

[28:42]to be a thief Allah says he kept it because he has

[28:50]a greater mission and sometimes you're not supposed to say everything set

[28:53]boundaries and not say anything that is on your When we set

[28:59]boundaries, my dear brothers and sisters, we will live a dignified life.

[29:01]Then we will be able to protect our marriages.

[29:04]We'll be able to protect our relationships.

[29:07]We'll be able to protect our business and our assets and our

[29:10]finances and everything that we have when we set boundaries.

[29:15]But when a person allows everyone to walk over them, when a

[29:18]person does not set boundaries, then they're going to be oppressed.

[29:21]And this is what we see going on in the Muslim world

[29:25]today.

[29:26]Today we see the suffering that's going on in Gaza.

[29:28]You know just uh yesterday the Israeli parliament they came and they

[29:34]they voted to to annex the West Bank as if they you

[29:40]know Gaza is not enough for them.

[29:41]Now they want to annex the West Bank.

[29:43]And of course you see the double standards and the lies and

[29:49]the bigotry in the world where no one is no one even

[29:50]says anything.

[29:52]It doesn't even make top news.

[29:53]But what is even more heartbreaking is the Muslim world.

[30:00]The Muslim world, the leaders of the Muslim world, they are the

[30:04]ones that have allowed the others to come and cross the boundaries

[30:07]of the Muslim world and and remove the dignity of the Muslim

[30:15]world.

[30:12]Yesterday I was reading that the the alazar the top university of

[30:22]the Muslim Sunni world al he put out a statement in the

[30:25]name of Alazhar University which is a very respected university in Egypt

[30:32]he put out a statement that what's going on in Gaza and

[30:35]the purposeful starvation of the people of Gaza this is something that

[30:39]is wrong and people should stand against Okay, everyone.

[30:43]You see you see human rights organizations that are non-Muslim human rights

[30:48]organizations.

[30:49]They're putting out statements.

[30:50]He put out a statement and then the the news article says

[30:55]that the news article says that the the president of Egypt, he

[31:00]goes to him and he tells him you have to delete that

[31:01]statement.

[31:03]And he ends up deleting the statement.

[31:05]And this shows that when there's no dignity, when there's no kama,

[31:10]when there's no boundaries, of course, Israel is going to come and

[31:13]take over more of the land because the Muslims themselves, the leaders

[31:16]of the Muslim world, they're they're running to normalize relations with Israel

[31:20]while Gaza is being while the people of Gaza are being genocided

[31:24]and being killed.

[31:27]Of course, you're going to have this.

[31:28]So, it's up to the leadership, the political leadership to set boundaries.

[31:32]And when you set boundaries, that's how you protect your rights and

[31:36]you protect yourself and you protect your dignity and your karma.

[31:41]We ask Allah subhanana wa ta'ala to give us a dignified life

[31:47]and help us deal with the challenges of our times by living

[31:51]a dignified and balanced life.

[32:22]For the souls of all of your and the from the Muslim

[32:28]world, we ask you all to recite surah before a loud salawat.

[32:36]Amen.

[32:41]They're going to say and

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