Resolving Family Conflict Through Islam - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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[0:28]e e [Music] f [Music] [Music] allahar [Music] alhamdulillah ald muham k

[4:00]one of the defining features and characteristics and qualities of a human

[4:08]being is to have differences in opinion you don't find people that

[4:16]are all unanimous on one opinion and this is something that is

[4:21]very natural and this is something that is very okay just as

[4:28]we are different in features in the way that we look in

[4:34]our tongues in our languages in the way that we look Allah

[4:37]subhana wa tala did not create us all the same similarly our

[4:43]thinking and our our ideology could be different at times and differences

[4:50]are not a bad thing Allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala says in the Quran

[4:58]if your lord wanted he would have created everyone on one view

[5:04]on One Vision on One mission on one religion however Allah subhana

[5:09]gave us the intellect and gave us the ability to make decisions

[5:13]to reach conclusions in life and this is one of the signs

[5:19]of God's greatness and the creation of Allah Allah says and from

[5:33]amongst the signs of God is that he created the heavens and

[5:35]the earth and the differences in your color and the differences in

[5:45]your language this is one of the signs of God this is

[5:47]something beautiful that Allah subhana wa tala didn't just it's not a

[5:53]factory that just pushes out one one one vehicle one type of

[5:56]no Allah subhana wa tala created every single person unique every p

[5:59]single person in their own way and every single person has their

[6:06]own ideology their ideas their beliefs and sometimes differences in beliefs are

[6:10]not a bad thing in fact it's a better thing for the

[6:13]growth of a community sometimes differences in opinion differences in ideology could

[6:19]become problematic sometimes it could lead to conflict sometimes it could lead

[6:24]to Wars sometimes it could lead to Bloodshed as we are seeing

[6:30]right now there are two two Wars that are going on one

[6:32]of them is a genocide where a group of people are just

[6:36]being bombed it's unequal not balanced they're being bombed they're being killed

[6:41]it's as a result of differences in opinion and here you see

[6:48]that sometimes it could become dangerous if it's not dealt with correctly

[6:52]but if you learn if we teach ourselves that it's okay for

[6:56]people to have differences in opinion different thought process then it wouldn't

[7:01]be a problem now when is conflict very problematic perhaps more dangerous

[7:12]than Wars is when you have conflict within a family conflict within

[7:17]one family between a husband and wife between a son and a

[7:21]father between siblings between relatives that's when it becomes very problematic because

[7:27]if a family is is not held well together it's not strong

[7:33]it does not know how to resolve the differences in ideas differences

[7:38]and wants and desires then you will find that the family will

[7:42]collapse and if a family collapses then society's collapse then individuals will

[7:47]collapse so this is why it's very important for us to learn

[7:54]how to resolve our differences especially when the differences are in within

[8:00]the family we need to learn how to deal with conflict a

[8:03]lot of people don't know how to deal with conflict and one

[8:09]very important point is that we need to resort to Islam as

[8:12]a religion in resolving our conflicts and resorting our diff uh disputes

[8:18]sometimes you might see someone as a very religious person always at

[8:24]the Masjid always praying fasting going to Hajj giving zakat doing all

[8:28]that they're they're supposed to do but when it comes to conflict

[8:31]when it comes to I had a difference in opinion with my

[8:35]between a husband and wife or Between Brothers or even outside of

[8:39]the family who do they resort to to solve their dispute they

[8:43]resort to the court they resort to a non-muslim to come and

[8:52]try to try to um settle the dispute and sometimes there's nothing

[8:56]wrong with that but many times you find that the judgment and

[8:59]the verdict that is given is it goes directly against Islam and

[9:04]the beliefs of a Muslim so here am I supposed to go

[9:09]to a non-muslim to judge between me or am I supposed to

[9:14]go to a Muslim or am I you am I supposed to

[9:17]use the laws of Islam in settling my disputes even outside of

[9:21]the family sometimes you find two brothers or two community members that

[9:25]got in a business dispute who do I go to to resolve

[9:30]my issues we look when we look at the religion of Islam

[9:33]we see that Islam is not just um simplified to just oh

[9:39]the rules of fasting and prayer and Hajj no Islam gets involved

[9:41]in our lives Islam gets involved in our relationships Islam gets involved

[9:45]in our B business disputes how to deal with matters and this

[9:52]is why we need to learn to resort to Islam and see

[9:55]what Solutions Islam as a religion has to settle our disputes and

[10:00]if we don't do that then we have not reached the level

[10:03]of Iman I mentioned last night a story between two companions of

[10:08]one was Zu the companion the cousin of the prophet and another

[10:14]was one of the ANS they came and they they had a

[10:16]dispute they came to the prophet and once the prophet he gave

[10:23]the verdict one of the one of the parties the other one

[10:25]uh the Ansari he did not like the Judgment of s Al

[10:30]so what did he tell the prophet he tells him you ruled

[10:35]in zub's favor because Zu is your cousin told him you ruled

[10:37]in him because he's your cousin and the prophet became angry and

[10:41]this verse came down they will not reach the level of IM

[10:51]until you you judge between their disputes and after you judge what

[11:01]are they going to do and they will not find any they

[11:12]will not find any I'm not comfortable with the ruling of God

[11:14]and the ruling of the prophets and the ruling of the Quran

[11:18]and the ruling of the IM and they will fully submit to

[11:24]the religion of God and the Order of Allah subhana wa tala

[11:27]here we have to ask ourselves this question have we reached that

[11:31]level of Iman or sometimes some people they come to me when

[11:35]there's a marriage dispute and I come and I say for example

[11:37]Islam rules in her favor Islam rules in the man's favor and

[11:42]what did they come and they tell me they tell me you

[11:43]know what I'm going to go to the court and I'm going

[11:45]to get what I want through the court meaning I don't care

[11:50]about what Islam says I don't care about what God says I

[11:53]don't care about the Rel the the laws of religion I'm going

[11:57]to go and get whatever I want however I want on it

[12:03]but that is not Hal and Allah says in the Quran those

[12:07]who do not judge by what God has ruled the rules of

[12:11]God for example the rules of inheritance the rules of inheritance are

[12:14]very clear in Islam I don't need to go and find another

[12:19]law to set up to settle my inheritance disputes when the rules

[12:22]in the Quran are very clear and very precise or Rules of

[12:28]Marriage disputes and and all of that you see that Islam has

[12:31]given us so you see that Islam offers Solutions and whenever there's

[12:41]a conflict especially within the family especially within the family you have

[12:50]to reach a level of resolving that conflict I know some marriages

[12:54]probably 10 20 30 years they're always fighting with one another and

[12:57]they've never figured out what the problem what the of the problem

[13:00]where is this coming from where is this coming from and they

[13:04]just keep living their life miserably both of them the husband and

[13:06]the wife and the children living their lives miserably because they don't

[13:10]they refuse to come and find out what is the source of

[13:15]the problem where is this coming from sometimes resolving our problems maybe

[13:19]between two brothers maybe between two friends maybe between community members between

[13:23]husband and wife sometimes we have to sit and pause for a

[13:27]second and figure out where's this problem coming from what's the source

[13:31]of this problem maybe it's a minor dispute maybe it's something very

[13:34]small that I make a change in my life and it's going

[13:39]to cause all the problems to remove in the end people learn

[13:42]how to deal with their differences was very successful in that this

[13:47]is why Believers that fought him in the Battle of and the

[13:53]Battle of and the Battle of they waged Wars against him then

[13:56]a few years later they come and they pray behind him and

[14:01]everything was settled why because was a people person because knew how

[14:06]to come and address the problems head on and see what is

[14:11]the issue let us try to address the problem find out the

[14:13]root of the problem the root of the pain and we will

[14:18]deal with it so when we address the roots of the problem

[14:20]sometimes we see that the sources of the problem are very small

[14:24]small change I make in my life and this is something very

[14:28]beneficial for us not only with family but it comes with your

[14:31]work it comes with business it comes with anyone that you interact

[14:38]with one of the first reasons for most problems and most disputes

[14:41]whe whether they are within the family or outside the family have

[14:45]to do with miscommunication not knowing how to communicate one another sometimes

[14:53]you find yourself you're speaking to someone at this level they're speaking

[14:56]to you at this level everyone is really trying really hard to

[15:00]say what they want and express themselves but they're unable to I'm

[15:04]saying something is just passing that person and the other person is

[15:09]not being able to reach me in what they're saying and this

[15:12]is why we have to make an effort to communicate with people

[15:20]better and this is a it's an art it's a skill a

[15:21]life skill of being able to communicate with people some people they

[15:27]might be very religious might be very generous be a very good

[15:30]people but they don't know how to communicate between a husband and

[15:32]wife for example and you find there is always going to be

[15:37]dispute as a result of lack of communication and not knowing how

[15:41]to communicate properly this is why when Allah subhana wa tala sends

[15:45]prophets which language did the prophets speak to the people they speak

[15:50]to them in their own languages each Prophet spoke to their people

[15:55]in the language of their Community if a prophet is going to

[16:00]speak Arabic to a non-arabic speaking Community are is that Community going

[16:06]to understand no so this is something very important the art of

[16:11]communication and he says in a not just the language sometimes you

[16:19]see you see an example that the prophet would give it would

[16:24]apply to that Community it would apply to the people that are

[16:27]living at that time why because because this is their this is

[16:31]what they understand this is what they comprehend so this is how

[16:35]would speak to people and when we speak about communication I see

[16:42]this happening all the time when a in a marriage dispute or

[16:44]whenever there's a problem they come and they say no no no

[16:48]I do a very good job talking in fact I'm a public

[16:52]speaker I know how to talk I tell them listen communication is

[16:55]not just talking communication 90% of communication is listening are you willing

[17:00]to listen listen are you willing to listen to what issues what

[17:02]problems are in the minds of the other person some of us

[17:06]we just want to talk but we're not willing to listen and

[17:08]then we say why are we not communicating properly this happens a

[17:12]lot with between husband and wife and it happens between parents and

[17:18]their children parents they come and they say I communicate very well

[17:22]with my children why every time I sit I tell them do

[17:26]this go do that do this do that I communicate very well

[17:27]with them give me the salt pass this and but do I

[17:31]ever sit and listen to them do I ever see what's on

[17:35]their mind what are they going through how was your day today

[17:38]what are you experiencing today often times we find parents we find

[17:43]ourselves struggling listening to the par listening to the kids as soon

[17:49]as they're talking the phone comes out and we're start we start

[17:52]our minds go somewhere else and this is problematic this is a

[17:57]uh not proper communication so this is one one source of problems

[18:02]and we will explain how Islam teaches us how to communicate properly

[18:06]second reason for many disputes within the family or outside of the

[18:10]family has to do with the ego and pride you find some

[18:17]people that's it they have that sense of ego and pride where

[18:20]they are not willing to accept the fact that they were wrong

[18:25]they are not willing to accept the fact that sometimes opinions need

[18:29]to to be changed and this is very dangerous especially when you

[18:33]are within the family now say I have pride in my nationality

[18:39]against another country or against a group of people Outsiders you say

[18:43]so what but if it has to do with your family and

[18:49]every time as a father or as a husband every time in

[18:51]every dispute I have to make sure that I win the battle

[18:55]every dispute I have to make sure that I get get it

[18:56]the way I want okay say you got it the way you

[19:00]want one year passes two years 3 years four years pass and

[19:04]then what you're going to be living with your family forcing them

[19:08]every every decision to make the way that you want what kind

[19:11]of a family is that this is their comfort place this is

[19:16]their home if they cannot express themselves if they cannot get if

[19:19]they cannot win or if they cannot get what they want at

[19:23]least some of the time or at least 50% of the time

[19:26]then what kind of an environment are you creating for them where

[19:29]every time you have to get it the way that you want

[19:32]and this is something that becomes very dangerous where people they feel

[19:37]that their own home is not a safe zone for them anymore

[19:39]and this is really dangerous then who if my kids or if

[19:44]a wife or a husband or a family member feel like within

[19:46]their own home they're not comfortable anymore where are they going to

[19:49]go then they're going to go outside this is why sometimes it's

[19:56]not all about always about winning the argument it's not always about

[20:00]getting whatever I want especially when it comes to your family this

[20:03]is why we have to compromise this is why we have to

[20:08]sometimes let other people get what they want one day I get

[20:09]what I want one day you get what you want and it

[20:13]can't be the way where some people they want to control everything

[20:17]in a family a lady came to me and she said say

[20:21]my husband chooses where we go on vacation my husband chooses how

[20:28]we decorate our home my husband chooses what we eat my husband

[20:31]chooses everything the clothes that are everything he chooses he makes the

[20:34]decision he says you have to do this and you have to

[20:37]do that and she says I feel like I'm a prisoner in

[20:41]my own home I can't I can't express myself and this reminded

[20:45]me of a Hadith he says the M eats what their family

[21:01]family is craving and thef forces the family to eat what he

[21:05]is craving so this is something very important sometimes it's a small

[21:11]change a small shift in in thinking and removing that ego and

[21:15]it's not always about getting what we want especially within the family

[21:19]especially within the relationship then you will find that the family and

[21:22]the relationship will be a much happier and more prosperous place and

[21:26]a third reason for many conflicts and disputes we said the first

[21:33]was miscommunication the second is about the ego some people they never

[21:36]want to say we lost never always want what they want and

[21:39]third reason is external factors sometimes you might have a health scare

[21:45]sometimes you might have um Financial issues sometimes you might have other

[21:51]family members intervening in your relationship other people coming and saying oh

[21:56]you should do this and you should do that and this caus

[22:01]problem within the family and this is also a very serious issue

[22:05]and as within our families we have to learn how to sometimes

[22:10]silence all other and ignore all other opinions that are coming especially

[22:15]if they're having a negative impact on our family especially if they

[22:19]are ruining the relationship that we have and sometimes we have to

[22:25]take advice from other people as well so it's uh you have

[22:26]to see what is the best decision to make inallah in the

[22:31]next sermon we will talk about some Islamic tips on dealing with

[22:56]conflict alhamdulillah muham Muhammad muh muham muhammedi Muhammad Ali when we look

[24:36]at the rules of Islam we see that a huge portion of

[24:43]Islamic law has to do with it has to do with dealing

[24:45]with people dealing with disputes dealing with your neighbors dealing with your

[24:50]family between a husband and wife so much focus on relationship building

[24:56]and when we look at the prophets of God we see that

[25:01]they were excellent communicators you see that they were excellent in dealing

[25:05]with people dealing with the disputes and problems that people have and

[25:11]this is what defines whether I'm successful or not today you want

[25:15]to look at a successful person see how well this person is

[25:19]able to communicate with other people and someone who is not successful

[25:24]they do not know how to communicate with people and Allah subhana

[25:29]waa when he created the insan Allah taught you how to communicate

[25:36]with people this is one of the gifts from Allah subhana wa

[25:41]ta'ala so if you want to be successful in your life you

[25:43]want to be successful in your work you want to be successful

[25:47]in your family you want to be successful in your religion you

[25:49]have to learn how to communicate properly with people and here we

[25:54]look at the rules of Islam that teach us how to communicate

[25:59]how to deal with conflict as we mentioned having differences in belief

[26:04]different ideologies is not a bad thing in fact this is what

[26:07]makes humans stand out that this person has one belief this person

[26:09]has one idea this person has one idea different ideas are not

[26:13]a bad thing you should not expect everyone to have the same

[26:16]idea as you otherwise where's the diversity where's the where's the the

[26:21]the basically Allah subhana wa ta'ala created us all differently and this

[26:28]is how we complete one another so in dealing with conflict in

[26:31]dealing with differences in opinion whether it's at work whether it's in

[26:35]politics and within your family there are certain specific things that the

[26:39]religion of Islam has told us to do very important I'll mention

[26:42]a few of them one of them is that we have to

[26:48]always consult with one another you should not you should never make

[26:52]a decision on your own especially if it's a consequential decision especially

[26:57]if it's with with your family we're going for example we're living

[27:03]in a place we're buying a house we're doing something do not

[27:05]make the decision on your own because at the end of the

[27:08]day you have your family with you at the end of even

[27:10]if you might be an expert even if you might be the

[27:15]smart one but you have to consult with others in making decisions

[27:18]especially if they are consequential decisions especially if they are decisions that

[27:23]are going to impact the children they're going to impact the spouse

[27:26]they're going to impact other people and Allah subh wants us to

[27:30]consult with one another to the extent that Allah told to consult

[27:33]with the Muslims even though he is the most intelle he is

[27:42]the highest being in terms of intellect in terms of knowledge in

[27:46]terms of why should the Prophet come and consult with other people

[27:50]but Allah tells the prophet consult them now of course this m

[27:54]that has to do does not have to do with religion it's

[27:59]it's not like oh today should we make Salah four four or

[28:01]three no it's not that matters of religion are from God matters

[28:09]of are from God but matters of going out to war and

[28:11]this verse was revealed when before the Battle of tells the Muslims

[28:17]do you want to go outside and fight them in the open

[28:22]field or do you want us to be in our homes and

[28:22]and they come to us his his opinion was let's stay insulate

[28:28]ated and they come to us we will be better able to

[28:31]protect ourselves some of the Muslims they say no we're going to

[28:34]go out and we're going to fight them out in the desert

[28:37]and they went out and many of them were killed as a

[28:39]result of that but regardless Allah tells the prophet listen to them

[28:45]and matter because this has to do with them they're putting their

[28:48]lives on the line so here this is very important in another

[28:53]verse Allah says their matters are a matter of he says the

[29:06]one who is determined on their own view this person will eventually

[29:10]lose even if you might be the smartest person but if you

[29:14]always say no we're getting it the way I want one day

[29:18]your decision is going to be wrong but if you consult with

[29:20]others then that means you're bringing more Minds more brains to come

[29:25]and figure out a better solution and this is something very important

[29:28]that we have to apply in our lives and we have to

[29:35]apply within our families second is that we must avoid impulsive decisions

[29:42]sometimes you find some people they make a decision very quickly in

[29:47]their life especially if it has to do with their family it

[29:52]becomes very dangerous because now you're forcing your family you're forcing others

[29:57]in a decision that was not what well thought thought out you

[30:00]didn't even take the time to think about it you didn't even

[30:02]take the time to weigh the pros and the benefits and the

[30:06]cons of it so we should not make decisions quickly and second

[30:12]we have to be willing to forgive sometimes when do we when

[30:19]do people make quick decisions when they're angry when they're angry they

[30:22]make quick decisions and then they end up regretting it in Islam

[30:26]we're not supposed to make quick decisions and second we have to

[30:29]control our temper we have to control our anger we have to

[30:33]be willing to forgive Allah says a one of the features that

[30:46]defines you as a mmin is whether you're able to suppress and

[30:50]control your anger and second be willing to forgive other people do

[30:56]not hold grudges when you hold a grudge you're going to hurt

[31:03]yourself you're going to give yourself the high blood pressure and the

[31:05]diabetes and all of the pain because you're holding that all in

[31:08]do not hold grudges be forgiving Allah subhah wa ta'ala is forgiving

[31:13]Allah says in the Quran they should forgive and they should be

[31:22]willing to let go don't you want God to forgive you if

[31:26]I want God to forgive me then why am I not forgiving

[31:28]other people I have to be willing to let things pass and

[31:33]forgive other people and the third point and we will conclude with

[31:37]this is that a mmin in dealing with conflict and dealing with

[31:44]differences in opinion especially within the family and everywhere with everyone we

[31:49]have to treat them fairly we have to treat them with Equity

[31:54]Allah commands an Allah commands you to deal with people with Justice

[32:02]and fairness I cannot say oh this is my people I have

[32:05]to give them better privilege or this person is from my religion

[32:10]or this person is from my Comm no and Justice doesn't is

[32:15]beyond religion I have to treat with every treat everyone with Justice

[32:20]and fairness and this is one of the most important teachings of

[32:26]Islam so this is how we resolve conflict and especially within the

[32:33]family there has to be Justice there has to Bean and these

[32:36]are some ways that the religion of Islam teaches us how to

[32:41]deal with conflict my dear brothers and sisters just two points um

[32:46]yesterday or the day before the IC the international criminal court issued

[32:52]an arrest warrant against the biggest criminal of our time one a

[32:57]person who is responsible for the murder of thousands of people for

[33:02]the genocide of thousands of people and that is Netanyahu and his

[33:08]previous Secretary of Defense um Galant and you see that even though

[33:13]it was late even though it is over a year late they

[33:21]finally issued this um this arrest warrant and this brings us a

[33:25]little bit closer to Justice it relieves our pain a little bit

[33:30]even though it's very late but despite all of that you see

[33:32]the double standards you see right away who was the quickest to

[33:35]come and condemn the ICC who was the quickest to come and

[33:40]suggest that we sanction the ICC America the president and members of

[33:45]Congress and this shows us very clear that this war and this

[33:48]genocide is not just netanyahu's war and genocide this war and genocide

[33:56]is being pushed by members of the American uh government and the

[34:01]president at the top and members of Congress and this shows you

[34:05]that there are some that they look at there's two types of

[34:10]justice for them when it came to Putin right away they came

[34:13]and they said yes good job for issuing an arrest warrant but

[34:17]now for Netanyahu they come and they say no no no no

[34:18]this is wrong and we have to sanction them where is justice

[34:21]do you treat people in two different lenses where is the equality

[34:26]where is the justice that that we are speaking about and the

[34:32]second point I wanted to bring to our attention is that there

[34:36]was a law that was passed in Congress in the House of

[34:41]Representatives HR 9495 this law it has not become law yet because

[34:46]the Senate needs to vote for it and they're saying that this

[34:54]law will allow the treasury secretary to see any organization any non

[34:58]Prophet any group that by their definition they see that this is

[35:04]supporting terrorism then right away they will remove the nonprofit status from

[35:09]this organization and this is very dangerous and this law is actually

[35:13]targeting the Muslims especially the Muslims that are raising money to help

[35:18]the innocent people in Gazza or help people in Lebanon they will

[35:21]use this law to take away the nonprofit status and it goes

[35:26]back to their own jurisdiction they they apply the law and then

[35:30]they'll come and they'll Define whatever they want to Define oh you

[35:33]are you are breaking you're supporting terrorists whatever that meaning is and

[35:37]today if you go with Israel's definition of terrorist anyone who criticizes

[35:43]Israel is anti-Semitic and organizations like the unua the one that was

[35:48]by led by the United Nations they come and they labeled them

[35:52]as a terrorist organization so what do you think they're going to

[35:56]say about Muslim organizations and Muslim nonprofits that are supporting this is

[36:01]a very dangerous law and this law will take away all freedom

[36:04]from Americans and look how far Congress and how far members of

[36:10]Congress and members of American government are willing to go where they

[36:14]are willing to take away the freedom of American people to protect

[36:18]genocides to protect Netanyahu and to protect Israel and this is something

[36:22]that is very dangerous and As Americans as patriotic Americans our duty

[36:27]is to speak out against us our duty is to call our

[36:31]representatives to call members of government and let them know that this

[36:35]is dangerous and this is undemocratic may Allah subhah wa ta'ala bless

[36:39]you all we pray that this genocide and the suffering of innocent

[36:45]people comes to an end quickly and we ask you all to

[36:49]recite for The Souls of all of the and all of those

[36:56]that have lost their lives and and are suffering as a result

[36:59]of this unjust war that has been going on for over a

[37:05]year now for

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Resolving Family Conflict Through Islam - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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Resolving Family Conflict Through Islam - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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