Night 6 | The PATHOLOGY OF DIVORCE | Sheikh Mohammed Al-Hilli | Muharram 2015

5 Bekeken· 24/05/31

Sheikh Mohammed Al-Hilli
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Night 6 | The PATHOLOGY OF DIVORCE | Sheikh Mohammed Al-Hilli | Muharram 2015 #yahussain #muharram #subscribe 🌙 In the solemn nights of Muharram, delve into the profound significance of Imam Hussain's dreams with Sheikh Mohammed Al-Hilli. 🔔 Subscribe to this channel for more regular content Visit our website for updates and subscribe for notifications! 🔗 Website: https://alhilli.org/ 📱 Follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook for daily inspiration and updates! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/m.alhilli/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/malhilli Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sheikhhilli night 6, pathology of divorce, sheikh mohammed al-hilli, muharram 2015, islamic teachings, islamic lecture, islamic scholar, divorce in islam, marital issues, family in islam, islamic guidance, religious teachings, islamic community, islamic education, muslim lecture, islamic wisdom

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Transcript

[0:15]alhamdulillah ald [Music] [Music] muhad for [Laughter] [Music] husin h for the

[2:43]purification of the souls and the enlightenment of the hearts and for

[2:46]the hastening of the reappearance of the awaited en laen your souls

[2:53]and the atmosphere with the recitation ofat upon Muhammad Muhammad respected Elders

[3:04]brothers and sisters it's a dreaded dword that many married and non-married

[3:17]individuals fear it brings about much stress much anxiety much suffering and

[3:28]pain it is experienced by millions of people across the world divorce

[3:35]or the termination of marriage is a phenomena that affects many individuals

[3:42]irrespective of their background of their denomination or their ethnicity we find

[3:50]that in many countries there are processes that facilitate divorce it's an

[3:56]option when marriages do not work you find that many times it's

[4:03]a very costly process legally it may take a long time at

[4:07]the same time those who go through divorce will undoubtedly suffer in

[4:13]many shapes and forms they will also suffer psychologically socially many people

[4:19]involved will not never be the same at the same time we

[4:26]find there are people who have come forward and divorced in the

[4:31]most unusual of circumstances because we know today when a divorce takes

[4:36]place there is normally a legal process sometimes courts are involved in

[4:40]other occasions it is what a religious procedure yet in some environment

[4:46]in the most bizarre of cases divorces happened like whom Like A

[4:54]Man by the name of Ahmed his he is from the area

[4:56]of West Bengal in 2006 this individual he was asleep next to

[5:04]his wife it happens sometimes that people speak during their sleep so

[5:09]during his sleep he said three times you are divorced in Arabic

[5:13]and three times in his sleep his wife woke up she heard

[5:17]that he had said this ignored it later they went to a

[5:22]scholar in that particular area and said this is what happened the

[5:25]scholar said that you are now divorced you cannot be what together

[5:29]anymore you are now what single people at the same time I

[5:37]recall reading that a Saudi man once saw his wife flirt with

[5:40]whom with an individual in the shopping mall a shopkeeper he was

[5:47]so angry what did he do he went and said to an

[5:49]individual who is in charge of the public speaker system I want

[5:54]to speak so he took the public speaker system and said I

[5:57]am divorcing my wife three times before every one else these and

[6:03]many others constitute interesting areas in which people develop what develop divorce

[6:07]of course statistically many are of the opinion that the rates of

[6:14]divorce are increasing in many communities and Societies in the United States

[6:20]rates are estimated to be around 45% of marriages ending in divorce

[6:29]in the United Kingdom they're about 42% in 2011 official statistics state

[6:34]in the United Kingdom there were 235,000 divorce cases it is not

[6:41]something to be taken for granted it indeed affects so many individuals

[6:48]when we look at the religion of Islam this is not a

[6:50]subject that Allah subhana wa ta'ala has ignored indeed the teachings of

[6:54]the religion espouse a strong relationship between the husband and wife that

[6:59]the institution of marriage is the most beloved institution in the eyes

[7:03]of Allah subhah wa taala this is something that is emphasized in

[7:10]the teachings of the Holy Quran and the you find that this

[7:14]notion of the husband and the wife coming together in this unit

[7:18]known as a family is emphasized to be holy emphasized to be

[7:22]sacred you and I as individuals as as a Servants of God

[7:28]must do our utmost to preserve the sanctity of this unit this

[7:31]unit that today is under attack in many parts around the world

[7:38]even the definition of a family today is ambiguous many people aren't

[7:43]able to Define what a family means is it two men living

[7:45]together is it two women living together is it a a woman

[7:50]living with a children is it a man or a woman there

[7:51]are many interpretations of what a family in reality is yes yet

[7:57]at the same time we find Islam coming forward and saying that

[8:01]marriage and keeping a marriage healthy is that which indeed brings the

[8:07]blessings and the Baraka and the mercy and the happiness of Allah

[8:11]subhanahu wa ta'ala and there are so many examples in history of

[8:18]successful marriages marriages that set the role model marriages that are exemplary

[8:24]for people to look at and take lessons and apply in their

[8:27]lives marriages such as the marriage of Khadijah to the holy prophet

[8:34][Music] Muhammad examples like the marriage of the commander of the faithful

[8:43]and the Lady of Light and many others yet Islam also recognizes

[8:58]that sometimes marriages don't work how that when it comes to breakdown

[9:04]in marital relationship much effort has been put there has been an

[9:11]an an an effort to reconcile people have tried to resolve their

[9:16]their differences but they've come to a stumbling block therefore divorce is

[9:21]presented as an option an option that is disliked by Allah subhah

[9:25]wa taala as the narrations from the mention the most detested element

[9:37]or thing which is permissible in the eyes of God is actually

[9:42]divorce in fact the narrations tell us that theit point that divorce

[9:46]shakes the AR of Allah subhanahu wa taala in other words it

[9:55]is a cause for what disruption and a cause for disjoining of

[9:59]the family unit today we are told in statistics as well as

[10:03]studies the impact of divorce upon many people they say there are

[10:10]three main elements that impact human beings when they go through divorce

[10:14]the first is psychological how people go through depression sadness unhappiness anxiety

[10:21]many may go through stages where they lose their work many May

[10:27]what seclude themselves from society there are psychological impacts when they go

[10:31]through divorce the second element is what social that you'll find people

[10:37]labeling a divorce sometimes there is a taboo yes especially when our

[10:45]sisters divorce in other words their impression the impression that certain individuals

[10:56]give to the divorce is what is is that they may never

[11:03]marry again why because they have a negative picture of what marriage

[11:07]is all about they've gone through marriage and they are now in

[11:11]the position to speak about marriage to people and of course their

[11:16]experience leaves a lot to be desired there are social impacts which

[11:19]involve a taboo on those who divorce but arguably one of the

[11:23]most devastating impacts of divorce is what is the impact on children

[11:31]that today people speak about s studies indicate how children suffer when

[11:37]their mother and their father separate and go through the stages of

[11:41]divorce we are told not only is the impact psychological there's a

[11:46]lot of anxiety there's a lot of sadness but at the same

[11:48]time Studies have shown that the children of divorcees are more likely

[11:57]to go through marital problems and divorce themselves so so it has

[12:02]a long-term impact it is also shown in studies today that they

[12:06]will underachieve in their education they will also go through what substance

[12:11]misuse they will what barricade themselves away from society all this and

[12:19]more is found when it comes to what when it comes to

[12:27]the impact and the way divorce T has upon individual in society

[12:32]the religion of Islam discusses T in shw we find the subject

[12:36]of T taught where in the seminaries it is found in the

[12:42]books of jurisprudence in under the Bob of talak why because the

[12:47]Quran mentions T and discusses T namely in three areas in three

[12:51]places Bak chapter 2A chapter 4 and of course chapter 65 in

[13:00]these three chapters Allah subhana wa tala discusses tal but interestingly for

[13:06]the individual who studies the Quran objectively and as the Quran invites

[13:13]us to reflect and contemplate one realization emerges with regards to T

[13:19]in the Holy Quran and that is many of the verses are

[13:22]concerning the laws of T the laws of divorce in other words

[13:29]you'll find in chapter 65 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala talks about how

[13:34]an individual should approach this particular process that as we mention is

[13:39]disliked by the almighty but when they reach a particular stumbling block

[13:43]then it is an option despite the fact that it's not encouraged

[13:47]what should they be thinking about we should understand that as far

[13:52]as sh law and specifically the teachings of the school of has

[14:00]been made according to sharw something difficult in order to discourage people

[14:06]from doing it yes because I remember I took part in a

[14:10]television program a few months ago with a respected scholar who have

[14:16]I have a lot of admiration and respect for from our brothers

[14:19]theah we did a joint program in a British television channel we

[14:24]did a program about some of the rules pertaining to Islamic Sharia

[14:29]law when there was a question about divorce I came forward and

[14:33]I explained the position of the school of ah B that the

[14:35]school of a bit States in order for a divorce to be

[14:39]what valid one of the sh one of the conditions is that

[14:44]there must be two just male Witnesses they must be present there

[14:48]that particular scholar was very much astonished he said really is that

[14:53]what it needs in your teachings in your school I said yes

[14:58]he admittedly said this makes a lot of sense sense he said

[15:00]this would prevent T being taken for granted and performed very easily

[15:06]because we are told one day and this is a true story

[15:09]a man was told at the time of haruni I say this

[15:15]nearly every I am uncomfortable with calling Haron Rashid because Ben AB

[15:21]they wanted to give names to their to praise them they would

[15:28]say that for instance a man is yes Al har Rashid means

[15:34]Haron the upright harun was not upright harun was the man who

[15:37]who who what who killed the seventh holy Imam Haron was a

[15:44]wretched individual therefore a better title for him is harun Abbasi we

[15:48]are told at the time of harun Abbasi a man came before

[15:50]him and said I in one particular setting divorced five women people

[15:59]said how five women you're only supposed to marry four how is

[16:04]it that you divorced five he said I went home I had

[16:10]just recently got married therefore I looked at this first wife of

[16:14]mine that I recently got married to and I saw that she

[16:19]hadn't prepared any meals I was angry with her I said you

[16:21]are divorced at that moment there was my second wife next door

[16:28]in the room adjacent she came out she said this wife of

[16:31]yours has just got married to you it's really unfair that you

[16:36]treat her this way I looked at her and says you're also

[16:38]divorced the third person came out and said I have never seen

[16:44]someone who deals with their wives in such a way you have

[16:46]just divorced two of your wives within a minute he looked at

[16:50]her and says guess what you're also divorced the fourth one came

[16:53]out and said you know what although I disagree with all that

[16:56]you have said I'm not going to criticize you he looked at

[17:00]her and said you're also divorced but at the moment there was

[17:03]a lady a servant who had married someone who is what next

[17:09]door she shouted you are the most unjust person divorcing four of

[17:13]your wives all together at the same time he said you are

[17:16]also divorced if your husband agrees the husband was there he said

[17:22]I agree therefore the fifth one was divorced in other words what

[17:25]anger at that moment causes what causes people to act in unsensible

[17:29]ways not rational not logical the school of says and comes forward

[17:36]and says that when it comes to T there must be there

[17:38]must be rules that must be fulfilled like what for instance like

[17:41]there must be the that they must have reached what the age

[17:49]in which there is there must be what intention they must have

[17:54]the what they must be sane they must want the T not

[18:01]by accident they must not have been coerced likewise the school of

[18:05]a bit says what it comes forward and says that the woman

[18:10]as an example should not be in her menstrual cycle the husband

[18:14]must not have had a physical relationship in that particular cycle it

[18:19]talks about the different ways that you and I should understand T

[18:26]how that the Quran in chapter 65 how many of us know

[18:27]this we need to know this why so that we are appreciating

[18:32]Islamic law and what the Quran says because the Quran says there

[18:36]is a type of T known as what means what majority of

[18:42]TS fall under this category in which if the marriage has been

[18:47]consumated then when the t is recited and of course Shar says

[18:50]there is what a particular pronunciation of talak the word talak must

[18:56]be said in the presence of two just uh adults who are

[18:59]male yes but the of is what the Quran says when a

[19:06]man divorces his wife she should stay with him in the house

[19:09]during the During the period of time yes in which it has

[19:17]been specified as what as three Cycles in the life of the

[19:22]of the female three of her menstrual cycles if their marriage has

[19:26]been consumated we are told that this means what the wife should

[19:29]stay in the house the have said when she stays in the

[19:34]house despite the fact that has happened the husband should see her

[19:39]beautifying herself she should always be in the in the state that

[19:42]she is what attracting her husband and the moment her the husband

[19:48]touches her just touches her out of compassion the t is gone

[19:51]it's revoked they're back married again can you imagine all to encourage

[19:56]marriage and the strengthening of the family unit that is there is

[20:03]of course which is that's another category which involves women who is

[20:08]what who they have not consumated the marriage and there is a

[20:12]a form within this particular category which is what the which gives

[20:19]the woman the opportunity to ask for T from her husband provided

[20:23]she forsakes her doy all this Falls and much more this is

[20:29]a summary and much more under the category of the description of

[20:32]T when it comes to what when it comes to the Quran

[20:36]and the teachings of the Glorious family of the holy prophet Muhammad

[20:40]s alai this is all well and good for us to know

[20:48]but what we wish to discuss and analyze in detail is the

[20:55]pathology of divorce why does divorce happen because when you and I

[21:00]why if we are married or even if we're not if we

[21:04]understand the most common reasons why divorce happen we can work and

[21:09]seek to make sure that we prevent and what put measures in

[21:13]order for the divorce not to be fulfilled in order for the

[21:18]divorce God forbid not to occur because what are we told we

[21:21]are told that today when it comes to the causes the pathology

[21:27]of divorce there are all kinds of causes being put out up

[21:30]there yes some of them are strange some of them are weird

[21:35]yes today if you research you'll find that the metro newspaper in

[21:38]the United Kingdom it's delivered it's given free to people on the

[21:43]Underground it reported that a Japanese women filed for divorce for from

[21:48]her husband why because her husband does not like the Disney movie

[21:53]Frozen it's true she said to her him what kind of a

[22:00]human being are you that you don't like frozen therefore what happened

[22:04]she let him go masallah many have watched this particular movie Yes

[22:09]likewise what do we find we find another example that a Saudi

[22:14]woman filed for divorce where she filed for divorce in that country

[22:18]because she called her husband what happened she found that her his

[22:23]phone was at home she was looking until she found she picked

[22:28]up his phone and she saw that he had saved her number

[22:29]as Guantanamo she then went and filed and said why are you

[22:37]calling me or name saving my number as Guantanamo you argued that

[22:40]it's so that people do not know that you are calling me

[22:45]but of course it was a lame excuse the divorce happened yet

[22:48]irrespective of that what do we find we find today studies after

[22:51]study have presented uh the reasons and the causes of talak why

[22:59]does talak happen in society I would like to ask for your

[23:03]patience as I go through 10 reasons and some we discuss more

[23:11]in detail than others but these tens my 10 reasons or the

[23:14]pathology of divorce I would like to humbly ask those who are

[23:16]married especially as well as those who are not married at the

[23:23]second level to make note of these 10 to try and understand

[23:26]because the religion of Islam is a religion that focuses on prevention

[23:32]not the Cure yes prevention more The Cure yes the Cure is

[23:37]there but Allah subhana wa tala says don't even think about fornication

[23:43]in other words when you and I seek to protect our family

[23:48]unit when we look at why divorce is happening in sociey such

[23:52]as this and in the Middle East and in India Pakistan and

[23:57]other countries we begin to develop what we begin to develop an

[24:01]understanding of what is it that you and I should stay away

[24:06]from the number one cause for divorce in certain areas around the

[24:11]world and number two in other parts is domestic violence the use

[24:15]of force and physical injury by both the husband and the wife

[24:22]yes it is not confined it only to one particular gender because

[24:27]I remember one particular man said that he came to the mosque

[24:31]someone looked at him and said what's happened to your face your

[24:37]face is bruised he said my wife gave me a flower why

[24:39]how could she give you a flower and this causes he said

[24:42]she did not only give me the flower she gave me the

[24:46]Voss that's in it yes the flower that's in it in other

[24:48]words she threw it at me sometimes there is what it happens

[24:55]on both sides the idea of physical abuse domestic violence is the

[25:00]cause that we are told that brings many into what the decision

[25:05]the reason that many come to the decision of divorce 40% we

[25:11]are told approximately of divorce cases in many parts of the world

[25:14]are due to what due to domestic violence now let me ask

[25:19]you a question as a Muslim Community as the followers of many

[25:22]ask the question why do men hit their wives primarily and other

[25:26]way around to a lesser extent why does it happen number one

[25:32]sometimes it's to do with the culture number two it's to do

[25:35]with what with the tendency that people have developed after noticing that

[25:40]this happens where in other households or they have seen it occur

[25:45]in their within their own parental setup in other words when they

[25:51]were young they saw their father abuse their mother physically there was

[25:56]domestic abuse fulfilled during their childhood so they understood or learned that

[26:01]it's normal for people to strike or to hit their wives number

[26:05]three the Sometimes some of our brothers have memorized certain verses of

[26:09]the Quran and some of our brothers have memorized perhaps one of

[26:13]the verses which isaha verse number 34 they come forward and they

[26:19]say this particular verse gives us the green light to strike our

[26:23]wives let's look at this particular verse in detail of course it's

[26:27]not only this verse because some of our brothers from other schools

[26:30]they cite a Hadith such as the one that is narrated in

[26:34]imari in which the wife of the Prophet AA says the prophet

[26:39]used to hit me by squeezing my chest in other words some

[26:42]people utilize some of these particular narrations yes likewise inat of whom

[26:51]in the ofb we are told that one day in this famous

[26:57]book that is followed by many Muslims today we are told that

[27:02]the companions were outside the house of the holy prophet they waited

[27:06]for to emerge to come out but he didn't come out so

[27:08]what did they do they left the only person who stayed was

[27:13]the second Khalifa he went inside he saw the prophet upset he

[27:15]said to him Yol Allah why are you upset he said well

[27:19]it's Affairs to do with my wives they are asking me things

[27:21]that I am unable to fulfill he said y Allah let me

[27:26]tell you with what I do with my wife my wife suff

[27:31]I slapped her so strong on her cheeks to the extent that

[27:36]she fell onto the ground beat them strike them so what happens

[27:39]these and many of similar are used to justify domestic violence when

[27:47]it comes to the household how do we respond what is this

[27:50]verse that Allah subhana wa taala has mentioned this verse is in

[27:57]reference to the concept of it requires your attention slightly technical but

[28:02]we need to have knowledge of the Holy Quran because we as

[28:06]the followers of baate should be should be the most versed well-versed

[28:09]individuals when it comes to the Holy Quran why because we have

[28:15]the Glorious family of the Prophet who interpret the Quran and are

[28:19]the only ones who have the knowledge of the Quran we should

[28:22]be in that position yes so the Quran comes forward and says

[28:28]what's nushu nushu is in reference to the Disobedience of a wife

[28:35]to fulfill her responsibilities to her husband namely sexual responsibilities the intimacy

[28:41]yes some of the say also if she leaves the house without

[28:46]the permission of the husband because that's his right in other words

[28:49]the wife cannot leave the house without the permission of the husband

[28:53]unless he's given her normally the permission and in some instances he

[28:56]asks her not to but mostly n is when she refuses to

[29:05]take part in the intimacy between the husband and the wife Allah

[29:11]subhana wa ta'ala says there are three stages to deal with this

[29:14]when people find that their wives are not responding not because of

[29:18]a what medical reason or a religious reason just simply they just

[29:22]don't want to have this particular relationship Allah says speak to them

[29:30]kindly advise them one of the says this means what put happiness

[29:40]in their hearts change the mood yes the prophet of Islam [Music]

[29:47]muh he says I am surprised by a man who strikes and

[29:52]beats his wife yet wants to what wants to sleep with her

[29:58]at night it's very diff difficult not to what to understand the

[30:02]psychology that goes by it we are told in the Quran speak

[30:07]to them words kindness yes the second level is turn the other

[30:16]side in bed which shows your displeasure or some of the have

[30:23]said separate go from one bed to another bed don't necessarily sleep

[30:27]in one bed that that's the second stage if these two don't

[30:32]work then the Quran says now number one people have used this

[30:37]verse those who are islamophobes those who wish to distort the message

[30:42]of the religion of Islam they' have said this is the wife

[30:46]beating verse wrong yes this is not the wife beating verse why

[30:50]because beating denotes something which is continuous as we will see now

[30:54]there are interpretations that have been presented from the school of as

[31:00]to what means the first thing that we have to understand is

[31:04]the narration from the holy fifth IM IM Muhammed that is with

[31:15]reference to the fact that if you are to display this particular

[31:18]sentiment and it is what it is to show that the husband

[31:25]is unhappy you should use a miswak what's a miswak it's the

[31:27]small piece of stick that they used to use for cleaning of

[31:32]the teeth tell me when you pick up a miswak and you

[31:34]hit someone with it does it hurt but it's more symbolic to

[31:39]say that what you not happy number one say number two it

[31:42]must not injure the wife must not leave a mark must not

[31:47]cause any bleeding or bruises otherwise what there is a p penalty

[31:50]to pay number three some of the have said it is only

[31:56]permissible this light striking light only permissible if the wife's n leads

[32:04]to adultery or the wife God forbid is committing adultery number four

[32:09]come forward and say what they say that this particular action what

[32:16]sometimes it is better according to some of the I saw this

[32:22]ruling it is better to divorce than to use any Force whatsoever

[32:26]against the wife yes some of say yet other interpreters other commentators

[32:31]from the school of have come forward and said this does not

[32:37]involve any physical use of force at all it's not even the

[32:44]miswak this small tapping it is what it is what the Quran

[32:47]says that when it comes to it is what leaving a place

[32:53]and going to another because the Quran says uses the word in

[32:57]reference to travel in therefore they say this is in reference to

[33:02]the idea and this is one interpretation of course that is not

[33:06]necessarily adopted by many of our but some have come forward recently

[33:11]that the Quran says when you travel on the earth uses the

[33:16]word it means that you leave her in other words go somewhere

[33:22]else in other words separate as the last measure if there is

[33:25]what no response and of course there should be no striking on

[33:32]the face or on the vulnerable areas we are told that there

[33:37]are strong narrations and what direction from the B to those who

[33:41]use force and at the same time injure and at the same

[33:47]time practice domestic violence against their wives the prophet of Islam says

[33:52]he who slaps his wife Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala on the day

[33:55]of judgment commands the one of the angels of hell to slap

[34:01]him 70 times in Janam yes that's definitely found there at the

[34:05]same time what do we told we are told of the need

[34:11]to display kindness to display Mercy to inculcate in our hearts love

[34:16]and compassion in a marital relationship in which way that the prophet

[34:20]of Islam would sit on the member and would say the best

[34:29]amongst you is the one who is the best with his family

[34:33]yes and I am the best when it comes to their family

[34:39]we are told this companion of the holy prophet most of us

[34:43]have heard of his story in which the prophet of Islam would

[34:47]say to the companions there are rows of Mala taking part in

[34:51]the funeral of s his mother would say oh s you are

[34:56]indeed blessed that the prophet has praised you in this way definitely

[35:00]you are in J in the prophet said no he is being

[35:06]punished because what he was unfair and what at the same time

[35:10]disrespectful to his family that has a role that is an element

[35:15]that we as followers of the must understand tell me the hands

[35:23]that strike the chest in the love of abdah Hussein should not

[35:28]ever strike the wife yes the feat that comes to the maal

[35:33]ofd should never be what used to inflict injury pain or suffering

[35:41]against anyone let alone whom the wife this is of the greatest

[35:44]of importance in ensuring that what that these problems do not occur

[35:52]in society the second cause that has been discussed is not necessarily

[35:58]physical abuse but psychological abuse how do we understand this psychologists today

[36:05]they say there are different types of psychological abuse that both the

[36:11]husband and the wife practice or perform when it comes to marital

[36:15]relationships they say there is one type which involves the inability to

[36:21]deal with conflicts inability to solve problems and when the human being

[36:30]is unable to see the solutions their stress levels Rises therefore they

[36:36]react by what intimidation by mockery by abuse which is most of

[36:44]the time verbal yes it happens both from the husband and the

[36:48]wife they say this is one type the other is when it

[36:54]comes from the urgency and the need to show Power and what

[36:58]domination in the family setup and it's practiced more by men than

[37:02]women this are type of psychological abuse they say there are signs

[37:09]to note if an individual wants to see that they are at

[37:12]the receiving end of psychological abuse like what like for instance humiliation

[37:18]like the threat to beat like for instance belittling of the action

[37:24]like for instance the threat to not show intimacy or affection like

[37:34]for example criticism especially before others shouting using language which brings sadness

[37:45]all this is what is part of this cycle that sometimes certain

[37:50]individuals get away with in the household the school of has denounced

[37:55]this categorically in which way in many narrations we find the respect

[38:09]that must be given to the wife remember this says treat your

[38:15]wife like a flower notice what do you do with a flower

[38:19]normally yes do you grab the flower and tear it apart do

[38:25]you use Force against the flower it means treat it with gentle

[38:28]approach our fifth IM IM muh speaks about the need to respect

[38:42]the wife and said the wife is a source of happiness for

[38:45]you do not disrespect her but note the prophet of Islam says

[38:53]the more an individual has an Iman the more he values and

[38:58]respects his wife now notice this if you forget everything else that

[39:03]has been mentioned understand what that's why understand this Hadith that's why

[39:08]in our narrations the prophet of Islam never used any force or

[39:15]used any violence against his wives in fact in the Sunan of

[39:17]IB ma it is mentioned in one of the books of Hadith

[39:21]of our brothers it is mentioned that the prophet never Beed or

[39:26]never used Force against whom any of his wives or what the

[39:30]slaves and in fact he dealt with them despite all the problems

[39:35]and the jealousy with the best wisdom with the with the best

[39:39]what kindness we are told the third reason why divorce cases is

[39:45]is on the rise in many communities is due to what lack

[39:48]of compatibility and please focus on this point what do we mean

[39:53]when people are not compatible we don't necessarily mean that they love

[39:57]the same color or they like the same car or they love

[39:58]the same type of movies no in the religion of Islam compatibility

[40:04]is in reference to what is in reference to the principles and

[40:07]the values that shape up a marriage what is that let me

[40:12]give you an example from the life the illustrious life of that

[40:23]what do we find we find that a man comes to the

[40:27]holy prophet and says I'm hungry there's no food the prophet sends

[40:30]a message to his wives do you have any food they say

[40:33]no stands and says Yol Allah I will take him home I

[40:38]will feed him he takes this man a note when he enters

[40:42]he says to say that I have bought a poor person and

[40:47]I wish that we feed him say knows that they do not

[40:49]have enough food for this person they only have food for whom

[40:54]for Hassan and Hussein that's it and Hassan and Hussein have not

[40:57]eaten so when is there is compatibility for the sake of Allah

[41:00]everything fits together and they both work together to please Allah subhanahu

[41:05]tala so what happen say says I will make Hassan and Hussein

[41:11]sleep and they're hungry IM says I will bring the food I

[41:13]will switch off the candle because it's only sufficient for one person

[41:17]to eat he would not see that I'm not eating with him

[41:21]because I want him to eat it all by himself this man

[41:25]eats the food in darkness does not see that am is sitting

[41:28]there not eating anything the family of sleep hungry that morning next

[41:34]morning the prophet saidah Ali Allah has revealed a verse in your

[41:41]Merit chapter 59 verse number n it says that they prefer others

[41:49]over themselves even though they needed it more can you imagine when

[41:54]there is compatibility that when both the husband and the wife say

[41:59]that our goal is to please Allah our goal is to attain

[42:02]Paradise let's work together to make sure that we as well as

[42:10]our children are those that attain J on the day of judgment

[42:13]yes if that is the goal then what they both work together

[42:19]because one of the scholars one of the he himself mentions he

[42:23]says one day I said let the husband and the wife work

[42:25]together so that Allah ra raises them both in Jenna in Paradise

[42:31]together he said when I said this one of the congregation an

[42:34]elderly man stood up looked unhappy and left the hole he went

[42:38]out so I continued my Magus when I finished I saw him

[42:43]sitting outside I went to him I said yah ha is everything

[42:45]okay did I say something wrong he said he looked at me

[42:50]and says yah she how could you say this he said why

[42:53]he said all my life I'm trying to get rid of my

[42:54]wife you want her to come to Jenna with me can you

[42:59]imagine that that type of thinking exists whereas Islam says no Islam

[43:03]says that as far as marriage is concern the goal is the

[43:08]pleasure of Allah subhana wa ta'ala the compatibility is with regards to

[43:12]the principles and what and values number four is in reference to

[43:18]communication so many days so many times today Scholars counselors therapists lawyers

[43:24]attorneys they get this particular request for divorce because there is a

[43:29]breakdown in communication between the husband and the wife what do we

[43:33]mean we mean that the male and the female have been created

[43:36]different by Allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala that each of them have their what

[43:40]have their strengths and have their weaknesses each of them have their

[43:46]needs and have their wants the way a male thinks is not

[43:49]the same as the way the female thinks and vice versa yes

[43:54]females require attention require compassion require love males require respect and require

[43:59]obedience if there is no understanding of the different setups as far

[44:04]as the gender on the creation of Allah subhana wa tala is

[44:09]concerned if there is no concerted effort to listen if there is

[44:12]no concerted effort to be careful not to use certain words when

[44:18]it comes to what heated exchanges between the husband and wife that

[44:22]causes the individual to be upset you know one of the words

[44:25]that should not be used between the husband and the wife is

[44:29]what divorce burn this word from the household do not allow it

[44:34]because sometimes what people do they use it as a tools you

[44:36]know what if you don't listen to me I I can divorce

[44:40]you yes the idea exists is what the idea is that communication

[44:43]plays such a vital role in ensuring a healthy marital setup when

[44:49]the husband and the wife understand each other's needs when they understand

[44:56]what makes each other upset what each other respects and wants that's

[45:00]why the prophet of Islam says when you say to your wife

[45:04]I love you this will never leave her heart but it doesn't

[45:09]mean you say to her once only in your life huh because

[45:11]one person said I said to my wife I love you 20

[45:15]years ago why should I repeat yes the idea is not it's

[45:20]that you should continuously Express the love and the Affinity how exchange

[45:25]the gifts not only on birthdays or necess early anniversaries or other

[45:30]times surprise each other with gifts Show Your Love towards each other

[45:35]do not treat each other as enemies or adversaries treat each other

[45:40]the way you treat your best friend and that has to be

[45:46]the psyche yes reminding ourselves as to what the purpose should be

[45:50]that we keep a strong family unit for the sake of Allah

[45:54]subhanahu wa taala and for our own success isn't it we are

[46:01]told the other important element that causes divorce is the lack of

[46:06]patience the lack of forgiveness I recall that Prophet had what a

[46:15]wife who the Quran condemns in chapter 66 no one can say

[46:19]that the wives of the prophets all have to be righteous because

[46:24]the Quran says Allah gives a parable a similitude to the disbelievers

[46:34]when it comes to the wife of N and the wife of

[46:38]L they came to n in narrations they said to him Allah

[46:41]why is it that you are tolerant with your wife why don't

[46:47]you divorce her listen to his response he says if I can't

[46:51]be patient with my wife at my house how can I be

[46:56]patient outside when dealing with all the other people I have to

[46:59]display patience I know that sometimes people go through hardship people have

[47:04]Peaks and troughs in their relationships but an key element for a

[47:08]healthy relationship and avoiding divorce is the ability to withstand the the

[47:16]challenges and exercise sa and at the same time forgive for the

[47:22]sake of Allah subhanahu wa taala that is of great importance we

[47:26]today unfortunately let me be honest with you sometimes today in the

[47:30]west the idea of divorce is sold as something very you know

[47:36]normal over the simplest of things sometimes the wife leaves the house

[47:41]over the simplest of matters sometimes the husband wants to leave his

[47:46]wife yes perseverance endurance patience for the sake of Allah sometimes is

[47:52]missing from our marital setups yes there is so much emphasis that

[47:56]you and and I need to look at this particular area and

[48:01]ensure that we fulfill it number six of great importance or number

[48:06]five is what is high expectation Allah abbar this is where what

[48:11]the famous subject and the area of social media as we mentioned

[48:14]comes into play that people often compare their situation with others they

[48:20]look at what others have and therefore they have these high demands

[48:26]as far as husband or wife is concern they place this burden

[48:29]upon the other look at the example of we are told one

[48:35]day he came home and he saw pale he saw IM Hassan

[48:42]and Hussein pale yes it is likely that he was not there

[48:44]for the last few days because either he was somewhere fighting for

[48:50]the sake of Allah or fulfilling a responsibility he said to them

[48:55]what has happened yes they say we have not eaten for 3

[48:57]days he says why is it that you did not tell me

[49:01]or sent me a message or informed me look at the response

[49:04]of we are followers of it's not for you and I for

[49:11]me just to listen to a story say magnificent beautiful but not

[49:15]apply it to our lives says what my father taught me never

[49:19]to burden my husband with anything that I know he cannot provide

[49:25]she knew that am was not able to provide the food yet

[49:31]she would not place this expectation upon the commander of the faithful

[49:35]today as husband and wife is concerned we have to show loyalty

[49:42]we have to show strength in character as far as resisting The

[49:47]Temptations today we have the iPhone and the iPad and the iMac

[49:50]and everyone wants the I want yes everyone wants everything we live

[49:59]in a materialistic driven Society people are obsessed with what having and

[50:04]accumulating let's be careful not to fall into the traps because these

[50:13]are indeed vital to keep a marital relationship healthy and indeed quite

[50:17]strong what do we find the other reason why sometimes people end

[50:24]their marital relationship is when they do not understand sh law as

[50:29]far as what is wag for the husband and the wife to

[50:34]do in other words the roles and the responsibilities are not clear

[50:40]in the minds of many people for instance we are told it

[50:43]is the right of the wife upon her husband that he provides

[50:49]for her that he fulfills what the need for an accommodation the

[50:52]need for food the need for shelter and clothing these must be

[50:56]provided Ed it is surprising and saddening today that I hear yes

[51:02]here in the United States stories in which the husbands come and

[51:05]say to their wives you know what you should be working I'm

[51:09]not bothered or they give excuses so that they stay at home

[51:11]and they send their wives in the workplace because they do not

[51:14]want to provide for the family providing for the family is W

[51:19]is one of the responsibilities of the husband they cannot forsake this

[51:24]particular responsibility if the wife is the richest woman on this Earth

[51:28]she is not obliged in Islam to give a single scent when

[51:31]it comes to this particular setup yes it's highly recommended to help

[51:36]the husband but if she doesn't then it's not necessary for what

[51:40]for her to do so likewise what do we find we find

[51:46]it is a responsibility as far as the husband is concerned not

[51:50]to mistreat his wife to be able to provide her with this

[51:57]love with this environment of warmth and at the same time for

[52:01]the woman for the wives to understand the responsibility that we entail

[52:04]we discussed earlier as far as the sexual rights of the husband

[52:10]that whenever the husband wants to have sexual intimacy the wife must

[52:15]say yes yes it is not an option out there except that

[52:18]if she's going through a medical reason or a religious reason other

[52:23]than that what it is the right of the husband as stipulated

[52:25]in the teachings of Shar likewise with regards to what with regards

[52:29]to her leaving but when I say this it doesn't mean people

[52:34]should stick to this word by word and letter by letter let

[52:37]me explain this very quickly it doesn't mean that what that if

[52:43]the husband does not allow the wife to leave then the wife

[52:46]would say and come and demand from the husband payment for the

[52:48]breastfeeding or for the cooking because she doesn't have to cook she

[52:54]doesn't have to clean these are what they are there for what

[52:56]for their to be a barometer but for a marriage to last

[53:02]it should be much more involving ethical respect and conduct between the

[53:07]husband and wife it should not be TI for that if you

[53:09]don't give me this I don't give you that because some of

[53:13]the people have memorize this part of M of the book of

[53:15]theas of they say you know my right is this if you

[53:20]don't do this then I don't do this this marriage is bound

[53:25]to fail it's bound to fail whereas we should do what we

[53:27]should know that this is something that we should not transgress but

[53:30]more than that work hard to ensure that what we keep as

[53:37]much as possible the ethical standards alive another factor for the divorce

[53:44]rates Rises is infidelity meaning what meaning that the husbands in their

[53:50]marital setups they choose to go have a relationship either sometimes legal

[53:53]islamically legal for instance like a second marriage either permanent or temporary

[53:59]or sometimes God forbid illegal now sometimes our sisters they come forward

[54:04]and say how do we make sure that this doesn't necessarily happen

[54:08]well there is one option as far as those who are not

[54:13]married are concerned they can have a prenuptual they can stipulate that

[54:17]what for they must make sure that the particular stipulation is worded

[54:22]that they do not want their husbands to marry when they're alive

[54:27]as soon as long as they are alive for their marriage husbands

[54:30]not to marry another wife and if they do then they have

[54:36]the to perform the in order to ask for the and to

[54:40]get it from the from the jurist from the ruler or from

[54:43]the Islamic uh uh uh Islamic jurist we are told that this

[54:46]particular element is causing problems and I say this what based on

[54:54]the cases that we receive out there that it is so difficult

[54:56]and I know there are exceptional cases sometimes but we are talking

[55:00]generally it is very difficult for the female to accept this especially

[55:04]in the west that what that the husband seek what another wife

[55:09]or has another relationship because the way Allah subhana has created the

[55:15]female she wants the husband just for herself another reason that we

[55:19]are told is cited is family interference some of our brothers they

[55:24]complain they say you know our wives the first thing that she

[55:29]does every morning is gives a full report to the mother what

[55:32]exactly happened in the house yes every day all the all the

[55:40]secrets are given away this is hugely problematic that we are told

[55:44]and you know I give you this in a gathering with private

[55:51]Gathering we were sitting with him and I heard this from him

[55:54]directly he said he said one of the reasons why divorces are

[56:01]happening especially in the west he said get this message across it's

[56:05]because too many times secrets are being told to others which causes

[56:10]jealousy which causes hatred fragmentation separation the husband and wife looking at

[56:18]others imagining other things When what when people disclose matters which are

[56:23]only supposed to be kept within the four walls of the house

[56:26]this is very very important that when it comes to the husband

[56:30]and wife they have to have an agreement these issues must not

[56:33]be disclosed only by the permission of the husband when it comes

[56:38]to the family they have an important role yes they can mediate

[56:41]but only when the husband and wife are not able to resolve

[56:43]their differences the differences should be resolved first and foremost by themselves

[56:48]today we have too much interference sometimes from both sides because what

[56:54]happens when they complain to them they not naturally sometimes take sides

[56:58]they take one side over the other and that's why we told

[57:03]that when it comes to families yes they have an important role

[57:06]but they must act with Justice and adala if there is a

[57:12]problem irrespective if this problem is from the man or from the

[57:16]woman they should take the side of the H but not to

[57:20]fuel and place more hatred but with the intention to bring them

[57:24]closer together can you imagine if their wife complain to the mother

[57:27]you know my husband he stays up late you know he does

[57:31]not come back the the mother should say what to the to

[57:36]her daughter the wrong answer is I can't believe you're standing this

[57:39]how could you be tolerating this that's the wrong answer that's fueling

[57:42]her more the right answer is my daughter don't worry be patient

[57:46]treat him nicely in a nice conversation mention this ask him yes

[57:51]provide this love and compassion to him because the objective should be

[57:56]for the parents for the marriage to what for the marriage to

[57:59]last and to be strong and to be a model in society

[58:03]as the wanted it not that because oh you know what my

[58:07]son or my daughter's complaining how dare their husband or their wife

[58:11]treat them in this way the husband the father and the mother

[58:13]from both sides should be the champions of keeping the marriage strong

[58:17]and healthy very important role they play and finally the 10th reason

[58:25]why today we are told divorce is happen is because of financial

[58:28]burdens burdens that sometimes people go through they are unable to for

[58:32]instance work they are unable to provide for their family and that's

[58:38]why loyalty at difficult times is one of the most important characteristics

[58:42]for both the husband and the wife because not all of us

[58:45]go through Rosy times all the time we go through difficult times

[58:50]sometimes we go through hardship sometimes we go through situations in which

[58:54]we would like to avoid but we cannot help it that's where

[58:57]the husband and wife stand to support each other to ensure that

[59:01]they both are able to leave this difficult life or time in

[59:07]their lives and built together in order for this family unit to

[59:11]be sacred in order for the family unit to look at examples

[59:16]of families that were there on the 10th of muharam because truly

[59:19]when you and I analyze the Epic of carala and the tragedy

[59:23]of ashur there are so many dimensions and one of them is

[59:30]with regards to Family Life how ensured that this university has so

[59:35]many areas for people to learn and apply and indeed by ensuring

[59:42]a family life is protected and preserved we make sure that the

[59:47]children rise in the healthiest of ways both spiritually and physically looking

[59:52]at examples of the children that stood with AB Abdullah to sacrifice

[59:57]their lives on the 10th of muharam and one of those was

[60:04]the son of alassa by the name of Kim yes this wonderful

[60:08]young manim who according to the narrations which 12 or 13 years

[60:16]of age this particular young man who would accompany abdah Hussein who

[60:21]would stand on the night of ashur would listen to the sermon

[60:25]and the direction of ab abdah would then come and speak to

[60:32]his uncle his uncle would say to him ohim how is death

[60:34]in your eyes Kim would respond would say oh my master AB

[60:42]abdah it's sweeter than honey yes that Kim saw in IM Hussein

[60:46]a man who is truly saving the religion of Islam therefore even

[60:53]though he was young even though he never had a chance to

[60:55]enjoy his life he would want to sacrifice himself for the sake

[61:01]of the religion of Islam that's why on the 10th of muharam

[61:04]when he heard his uncle cry out is there anyone who will

[61:19]help us is there anyone who will assist us and the narrations

[61:21]tell us that kasim came to IM Hussein saying to him oh

[61:27]my Uncle allow me to go to the battlefield allow me to

[61:30]fight I cannot bear hearing you calling for assistance and no one

[61:38]supporting you IM Hussein would look at him he would say Hassan

[61:42]you are the son of my brother Hassan I cannot see you

[61:48]go to the battlefield and killed in this way go back notice

[61:52]Kim was so upset his heart was pumping in anticipation to fight

[61:59]but now he returns back to the tent he looks at his

[62:02]mother oh mother I do not have permission to fight in the

[62:08]battlefield his mother rla would come out she would say take this

[62:13]letter show it to abah takes the letter yes she he goes

[62:20]to IM Hussein IM takes the letter opens it it's the letter

[62:27]from IM it say says my brother AB abdah I am not

[62:29]there on the 10th of muharam to help you I am unable

[62:35]to assist you in person but please accept my son Kim as

[62:42]a sacrifice on my behalf allow him to fight in the battlefield

[62:46]Imam Al Hussein weeps and cries they hug he hugs Alim he

[62:53]says if you are about to go then go and get ready

[62:55]and bid farewell to the women of the bit kasim returns back

[63:03]to the tent he goes to a box that was preserved it

[63:05]has the ABA of his father it has the the tabin of

[63:11]his father it has the sword of his father he puts all

[63:17]this on he stands to bit FW to say Z to his

[63:22]mother when he looks at them they all weep and cry they

[63:25]say it is as if we see H before us this is

[63:30]so difficult for the mothers when they bid forw to a young

[63:37]man who is only 12 or 13 the narration tells us that

[63:42]he charged towards the battlefield HED Muslim says a young man whose

[63:48]face was like an Illuminating Moon he came towards us so courageous

[63:53]so brave wanting to fight on his right hand and he what

[63:57]he had the sword and he was walking towards us he was

[64:04]fighting in the way that he wanted to until what happened all

[64:07]of a sudden one of his sandals H says especially the one

[64:15]on the left the straps were broken bends down he wants to

[64:23]fix his sandals a man comes and says I will make make

[64:26]his father and his mother mourn for him H says is it

[64:32]not enough that he's surrounded by so many this man says no

[64:35]he picks up a sword he strikes it on the head of

[64:40]Kim the narration says the sword was so heavy the head of

[64:46]Kim splits Kim Falls onto the ground Hussein he says oh my

[64:57]uncle Hussein come towards me help me oh Hussein IM Hussein hears

[65:05]this cries of Alim rushes towards him allahar sits next to him

[65:13]he says my nephew it is so difficult for your uncle to

[65:18]hear your cries but not able to assist you but come next

[65:25]to you and not able to save you allahar the narration tell

[65:32]us that the soul of leaves this world IM Hussein wants to

[65:39]carry the body of Kim he picks up the body someone who

[65:42]saw him saw that he was dragging the body his back was

[65:48]nailed down that the feet were dragging why he was under so

[65:51]much pain to see this young man being treated in this way

[66:00]he brings the body of Kim places him next to the body

[66:08]of Ali on one side he looks at Ali's body Tor into

[66:14]pieces on the other he looks at Kim and his head split

[66:21]into two at that moment say Z what dides she do she

[66:24]says oh my brother Hussein the mother of Kim wants to mourn

[66:31]him the mother of Kim wants to cry for him I tell

[66:33]you what was the mother of Kim thinking to see when she

[66:40]entered the tent Imam said let the women come let them mourn

[66:44]they entered the tent and saw the bodies of Al and in

[66:52]such a way they threw themselves on the bodies they began to

[67:06][Music] cry my dear de brothers and sisters

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