How to Sign Up for Marriage? - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini | Night 3 - Muharram 2015

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Ashuraa 2015 - Night 3 Recorded 10/16/2015 at the Fordson High School Auditorium in Dearborn, MI Broadcast live at www.MYConline.org

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[0:00]audible a min ash-shaytani r-rajim smellin rahmanir rahim salam alayka ya la

[0:17]la sol la la la que amo la la yaa baa Abdullah

[0:36]yasha he ed algerie hiyama blue McCarron bella y la donna wanna

[0:57]go home sadity fana fo supposin Alima oh la la la la

[1:25]finca de bill cream smell I rahmani raheem wanker holy imam income

[1:36]masala rena me nobody come mama I come Hey econo for Cara

[1:49]I own a home on mom and family salaam Liliana leme and

[1:53]lighten your hearts and illuminate your modulus with a loud salawats Allah

[1:59]Muhammad Ali Mohammed respected brothers and sisters salam alikum allow me to

[2:08]la hear about a culture it's a day that many of us

[2:14]long for and it's an occasion that many of us fantasize about

[2:17]and they dream about for so many years and once this day

[2:24]arrives it may be the most memorable day of our life and

[2:26]that is our marriage day we all want to find our soulmates

[2:33]if we're not already married we all want to find our soulmates

[2:36]and we want to live happily ever after with them but unfortunately

[2:41]the bitter truth and the unfortunate fact is that sometimes our marriages

[2:51]are the beginning of our miseries and that's why you find if

[2:55]you go on the internet and you search for marriage jokes you

[2:58]will find that most of the jokes about marriage are negative you

[3:04]will find most of these jokes have a negative outlook towards marriage

[3:09]for example one joke says that if you want to get married

[3:16]if any man wants to get married he needs to prepare four

[3:19]rings the first is the wedding ring the second is the engagement

[3:24]ring the third is suffering and the fourth is enduring another joke

[3:30]says that a young boy asked his father one day father how

[3:34]much does it cost to get married and the father says I've

[3:38]been married for 10 years and I'm still paying for it and

[3:41]you'll find many other jokes like this they're all negative towards marriage

[3:45]you'll rarely find positive jokes about marriages and despite the fact that

[3:52]these are only jokes but as the saying goes behind every joke

[3:55]there is some truth and the problem isn't with marriage itself marriage

[4:01]as an institution isn't the problem marriage should lead us to happiness

[4:06]marriage should give us stability and happiness and we should raise children

[4:12]and live happily with each other but the problem is that we

[4:17]are doing something wrong in these marriages and that's why you find

[4:24]that most of the times marriages start off very very good and

[4:28]there is happiness in the beginning days the wedding day the honeymoon

[4:32]and months after that there is happiness but the problem is its

[4:37]short-term this happiness does not is not last does not last it's

[4:45]so short salala mohammed apartment everything's ok ok so this happiness does

[4:53]not last for a very long time and that's why you find

[4:56]all over the world and especially in this country the rate of

[5:01]divorce is increasing in this country that's around fifty percent so half

[5:06]of marriages they're completely destroyed and in the US a statistic states

[5:12]that every 36 seconds approximately there is a divorce somewhere in the

[5:17]United States so we find all of this leads to one point

[5:22]that there is a fundamental problem with our marriages why does not

[5:25]why doesn't the happiness last they say if you see a newlywed

[5:28]who is happy you know why but if you see someone who's

[5:32]been married for 10 years happy you begin to wonder why what's

[5:36]going on why is he still happy because it's not the norm

[5:39]so all of this whether the sisters highlights that there is a

[5:42]problem a fundamental problem with our marriages why are all these marriages

[5:47]failing the problem mothers and sisters like I said is it not

[5:53]with the marriage itself the problem is with how we engage ourselves

[5:56]before and after marriage and this shows us that we need guidance

[6:02]when it comes to marriage we need guidance and we need someone

[6:05]to show us how to lead a successful marriage and who is

[6:09]better to seek guidance from besides our lord allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala who

[6:14]created us who devised us who knows what's good for us and

[6:19]knows what's bad for us and that's why we should seek counseling

[6:22]and guidance from allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala nalasopara and what Allah has laid

[6:29]the practical steps to having a good successful long-lasting marriage and that's

[6:34]why tonight inshallah brothers and sisters I will go over and present

[6:39]the marriage the marriage guidebook as presented by a loss of hanowa

[6:44]to Allah and we find in the Quran and the teachings of

[6:49]a debate alehiwassallaam and these teachings about marriage in the Quran and

[6:53]the teachings of a debate they can be divided into two parts

[6:58]the first part is what comes before marriage and the second part

[7:04]is what comes after marriage so there's two parts what comes before

[7:08]marriage and the second parts is what comes after marriage and tonight

[7:14]I don't want to speak about the second part I just want

[7:16]to speak about the first part what are we supposed to do

[7:21]what are the requirements for a successful marriage but before marriage what

[7:25]do I have to do and this inshallah will be my topic

[7:28]tonight but before I begin I want a louse Allah Allah Muhammad

[7:33]Ali Mohammed before I mention the steps that are mentioned in the

[7:43]Quran and hadith of how to lead a successful marriage we first

[7:47]have to be aware of her of a very important point and

[7:55]that point is that many years ago 50 60 years ago marriage

[7:59]to most people was a must it wasn't necessary you will rarely

[8:05]find someone that either does not want to get married or does

[8:08]not get married and if you find someone that does not get

[8:13]married there's usually a problem he's either handicapped or he has some

[8:17]type of illness or disease or some other problem that prevented him

[8:21]or her from getting married but marriage was seen as a must

[8:24]before now it's no longer seen as a must it's optional you

[8:29]can get married or you can't get married it's up to you

[8:35]and that's why you find that right now it's it's statistic state

[8:39]that almost twenty percent of the youth of the of the adults

[8:43]of this country they don't even get married they never get married

[8:49]so twenty percent one-fifth of people in America they never get married

[8:52]and that's a big number and that's growing day after day and

[8:56]that's why you see many young men they tell you I don't

[8:58]necessarily need to get married because first of all I'll have to

[9:04]be stuck with one girl for the rest of my life and

[9:05]that's boring that's number one number two that girl that I have

[9:10]to be stuck with for the rest of my life she'll nag

[9:12]she'll complain from morning till daytime I want to go out with

[9:17]my friends I want to travel I want to go out with

[9:18]my parents and she's gonna nag and nag and complain I have

[9:22]to spend on her and it's just not worth it and then

[9:26]there's kids and they're a hassle they're annoying i have to spend

[9:28]on them they get sick and so on and so forth so

[9:31]why go through all of that stress to begin with and likewise

[9:33]you see many woman many sisters they tell you the same thing

[9:36]why should I get married I have a good job I can

[9:41]sustain myself and thus I don't need to get married and these

[9:43]sentiments are growing day after day brothers and sisters this ideology mentality

[9:48]more people are leaving in a day after day but when we

[9:52]come to islam allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala shows us that this is wrong

[9:58]as salam says that marriage is a must it's necessary to an

[10:01]extent that if someone does says I don't want to get married

[10:04]I'm against marriage then this person is going against the teachings of

[10:10]rasulallah the famous hadith of rasulullah sallallahu alehiwassallaam all of you probably

[10:17]have heard says and nikka from insanity marriage is from my son

[10:21]nets from the sinasu a lot FEMEN Rajab insanity Feliz M&E and

[10:26]if you do not like my son the sunnah of rasulullah then

[10:29]you are not one of my followers you cannot consider yourself as

[10:35]a follower of the holy prophet if i say i don't want

[10:37]to get married I hate marriage marriage is bad marriages evil Aslam

[10:40]says marriage is a must and that's why the other hadith of

[10:45]rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam says ma boonie FL Islam bina hibou a

[10:51]la minute as which there is no institution in Islam that is

[10:55]more sacred and more loved by Allah than marriage so first of

[11:01]all Islam says that you have to have this mindset we have

[11:03]to acknowledge this fact that marriage is a must it's necessary for

[11:07]us and the one reasoning behind that is that there are many

[11:12]benefits to marriage in this dunya and this world that we live

[11:15]in and in the next life for example in this dunya there

[11:20]are many statistics brothers and sisters that all state that marriage is

[11:24]good for the well-being of the human being for example there are

[11:27]some studies that I read in the New York Times that state

[11:29]that number one based on numerous studies and research married people are

[11:34]usually happier than single people that's number one number two they enjoy

[11:41]better health than single people number three they live longer lives than

[11:48]single people even though some say that yes they may live longer

[11:51]lives but they're more willing to die than single people but the

[11:55]point is they do live longer lives and number four when it

[11:59]comes to problematic times in their lives stressful times they cope much

[12:02]better with dress and one reason obviously behind that because they have

[12:07]a spouse to support them in those difficult times so all of

[12:10]these facts and studies show us that it's good for us to

[12:16]get married yes there is lots of there's lots of problems with

[12:19]some marriages there is a negative outlook that many have towards marriage

[12:23]but at the end of the day the statistics prove that it's

[12:28]better to get married than to stay stable this is for this

[12:30]dunya and for the next life it's much better to get married

[12:36]and the most famous hadith to show that is a hadith that

[12:39]many of you have heard rasulullah sallallahu alehiwassallaam says men Tazawa Jeff

[12:45]AHA rosano spadina whoever gets married then that person has secured fifty

[12:51]percent of his faith fifty percent of my faith is secured is

[12:56]complete just by getting married and then the Prophet says phelia telling

[13:00]laughs innisfil aha and the other fifty percent is tucked wha piety

[13:06]to fear Allah do what's right and stay away from what's wrong

[13:08]so fifty percent of my religion is incomplete if I'm not married

[13:12]and there's a high deeds from the Imams that says if a

[13:19]married person prays to Allah cos 2 rakaats for allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala

[13:22]this is greater in the eyes of Allah than a single person

[13:25]that spends the entire day fasting and the entire night in Nevada

[13:32]can you imagine that why does a lot do that he wants

[13:34]to encourage us to what to get married pray all night and

[13:39]fast the entire day and it only equals to like eyes of

[13:42]a person that's married and that's why in one story it's narrated

[13:48]a man comes to a mimosa doc alehissalaam r60 mom the Imam

[13:52]he asked him for for a specific reason the Imam as some

[13:56]are you married do you have a wife he says no listen

[13:58]to the answer of the Imam the Imam says in nima ahead

[14:05]and Ned duniya wama feeha what in knee Abby to Layla lately

[14:09]soldier he says of Allah were to give me the entire world

[14:14]with what it contains two possess but he doesn't give me a

[14:21]wife I wouldn't I be happy if I like is me the

[14:22]entire world but a wife I won't be happy but if Allah

[14:27]gives me a wife but he denies me the entire world then

[14:32]this is ok but obviously when the Imam says a wife is

[14:34]speaking about the good wife not just any wife this shows how

[14:38]important it is to get married in the eyes evaluates Elena mustela

[14:40]so this is the first thing that we have to keep in

[14:45]mind and then we begin with the prerequisites of marriage what are

[14:48]the requirements of a successful marriage according to the Quran evaluates alehiwassallaam

[14:55]number one the first requirement to having a successful marriage is that

[14:59]I have to educate myself about the responsibilities and the expectations of

[15:05]marriage you see many of us when we get married we do

[15:10]research but what do we do research on on the wedding how

[15:14]much do I have to spend how much do I have to

[15:18]save what dress will i buy which hall will I rent who

[15:20]will i invite which food will I bring so we spent countless

[15:26]hours planning the wedding we go to a wedding planner we spent

[15:30]thousands of dollars and we and it only takes one it only

[15:32]takes one day the wedding maximum 3-4 hours and it finishes ok

[15:38]what happens after the wedding now what do we do research on

[15:40]that how am I supposed to live a successful life with my

[15:45]spouse what does my spouse want from me and what I should

[15:47]give her and what I expect from her do we do research

[15:51]on that and many and most of the times with and sisters

[15:53]the responsibility I say is on the shoulders of the older generation

[15:57]the olders are parents they have to take this responsibility in their

[16:05]hands and they have to place counseling for these people you see

[16:08]I know there is marriage counselors but who usually goes to those

[16:10]there may be some marriage counselors in our audience after them did

[16:16]you ever see single people go to a marriage counselor no I'm

[16:19]still not married they go after they get married the problems rise

[16:23]now they go to the marriage counselor why did you not think

[16:26]of going to the marriage counselor before you got married and order

[16:30]to prevent these problems we forget about that many times and that's

[16:34]why these elderly individuals of the community they have to sit with

[16:41]this young man and the young girl and they have to educate

[16:43]them they have to tell them marriage may you may come across

[16:46]some difficult times in your marriage marriage requires sacrifice many times there's

[16:51]going to be test not everything is going to be easy so

[16:55]they have to let them know what to expect and they should

[16:57]post some very important questions what do you expect on your wedding

[17:03]day what do you expect after the wedding day how do you

[17:05]see yourself ten years from the line what's your duties do you

[17:08]know what your duties are towards the wife do you the life

[17:11]know what's your duties towards the husband do you know or not

[17:15]you you brothers and sisters you'd be amazed how many young men

[17:18]and women get married they have absolutely no idea what to expect

[17:21]and what they should do for the other when you tell them

[17:24]I had no clue so there has to be this counseling before

[17:27]the marriage they have to be asked if five years down the

[17:32]line that your husband is not doing so well financially well that

[17:35]matter to you or will it not matter to you they have

[17:40]to ask the husband if your wife in 10 years from now

[17:41]she's not as good looking as fit as she is now because

[17:45]she was pregnant a couple of times well that matter will that

[17:48]change her in your eyes or not so this is very important

[17:52]for the first process is that we have to educate ourselves and

[17:54]one of the best ways to do that is to tell them

[17:58]about your experiences for the elderly ones tell them about the experiences

[18:02]of ahlul bayt alamosa lon fatima to sahara alehissalaam an imam ali

[18:07]the most beautiful example for us of a Blessid successful marriage so

[18:11]this is the first step the first prerequisite and requirements of a

[18:18]successful marriage Allah Muhammad Ali Mohammed number two the second requirement of

[18:27]marriage and the second most important prerequisite of marriage now that I've

[18:32]done the research and I know what to expect and what I

[18:37]should what my responsibilities should be number two is choosing the spouse

[18:41]how do I choose the spouse I'm a young man I want

[18:46]to get married which girl should i search for to be my

[18:49]wife I'm a young girl I want to get married which man

[18:54]should i search for it to be my husband because you see

[18:57]the factors that we base our marriages on will have the greatest

[19:02]impact on the stability of our marriages in the long run look

[19:06]at any marriage that ended soon look at any marriage that continued

[19:11]for so many years and it was such a successful marriage you

[19:14]will find that the factors that each of the individuals based their

[19:18]marriages on is what made or broke the marriage and that's why

[19:25]Islam says when you want to choose your spouse they're not rush

[19:28]yes rush into considering marriage aslam says Mary at a young age

[19:32]don't wait do all you've all heard this before Islam says don't

[19:35]postpone marriage so consider marriage at an early age even as early

[19:41]as twenty years old if you can but however once you've decided

[19:43]to get married don't rush and choosing the spouse make sure you've

[19:46]chosen the right spouse or else if you rush you'll end up

[19:51]with the wrong spouse and you will suffer for the rest of

[19:54]your life you know they say a woman was sitting in a

[19:56]gathering one day and she was wearing her wedding ring and her

[19:59]thumb have you seen anyone that that where is their wedding ring

[20:04]of their thumb I mean even a few Cena it's very rare

[20:06]so another lady she comes and she sits next to her and

[20:11]she notices that she's wearing her wedding ring wedding ring in her

[20:14]thumb so she tells her excuse me why are you wearing your

[20:17]wedding ring on on the thumb that's the wrong finger where it's

[20:22]on another finger so she tells her yes I know I married

[20:24]the wrong man and that's why I'm wearing it on their own

[20:29]finger so brothers and sisters we should think ahead and plan ahead

[20:32]so that we do not end up put the wrong spouse whether

[20:38]it's the wrong man or the wrong lady and that's why you

[20:41]find brothers and sisters that when it comes to Islam Islam tells

[20:46]us that when you want to choose your spouse there are some

[20:49]very important things that you have to look for but the most

[20:52]important factors and criterias to choose in your spouse or Sulu la

[20:57]sallallahu alehiwassallaam he mentions in aura hadith you see brothers and sisters

[21:03]the problem with this many times we come to the Islamic centers

[21:07]we come to the lectures we read in the Quran we read

[21:09]and we just leave it there once we want to get married

[21:14]we don't follow these laws we don't follow these rules and then

[21:16]a couple of months after when there's a divorce we wonder why

[21:21]fifty percent of divorces every 36 seconds there's a divorce it's because

[21:24]we don't follow these are just some some some sayings in the

[21:27]books we come and we read them and we hear them just

[21:32]for a blessing for a gel out but when it comes to

[21:34]practically follow them many of us we fail in doing so so

[21:38]brothers and sisters when we hear these a hadith of a new

[21:40]debate and the rates alliums and will not benefit from any of

[21:44]this they want our own good when they give us this advice

[21:45]so what I've shown a las on a long isla one who

[21:49]said let me he says in the famous hadith if I ja

[21:53]a comment alone daddy now hold up f as a widow the

[21:54]two most important criterias and factors you should search for in your

[22:02]spouse number one deen religion the religion of that person and number

[22:07]two pull up the manners of that person now Islam says that

[22:11]these are the two most important things that doesn't mean you cannot

[22:17]look for other things you can look for other factors but don't

[22:20]complicate it don't make other factors in obstacle you want a happy

[22:24]marriage Islam says these two factors are the greatest factors that will

[22:27]contribute to your happiness in the long run a man comes one

[22:32]day to imam hassan ali has set up he tells him there

[22:34]are many men that are proposing to my daughter I don't know

[22:38]which one to choose a man with hassan ali salam he gives

[22:41]such a beautiful answer he says is a would jam in the

[22:45]red jewel in to be he says choose the one that is

[22:50]pi is the one that fears allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala he says why

[22:54]what's the reasoning behind that he says many of you may say

[22:57]you know its mooring to choose someone who was religious but the

[23:00]Imam tells us the reason it's for your own benefit the Imam

[23:04]says fair in noho and aha baha a Clemmie if he loved

[23:09]her obviously he'll protect her and respect her but what if he

[23:12]didn't love her what if there were problems between them what in

[23:16]a bahahaha the Imam says what in a ba ba ba ha

[23:19]let me a believer but if he did not love her then

[23:22]he will never apress her he will never abused her do you

[23:26]know why he doesn't love her so what prevents him from abusing

[23:29]her his faith his god-fearing nature and consciousness because he fears allah

[23:36]subhanahu wa'ta'ala he will never place a finger on that woman even

[23:38]if he hates her even if he cannot stand looking at her

[23:43]face he will never bother her because he fears allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala

[23:46]and if you fear allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala you become like a malleable

[23:51]olive alehissalaam where he says if Allah gives me the entire world

[23:54]or if the humanity gives me the entire world to own but

[23:57]in return i have to hurt an ant I have to take

[24:00]away the food of the ant I will never do that you

[24:04]can never achieve this state but through fearing allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala so

[24:09]that's why Islam says make your priority faith because if you have

[24:13]faith let's say you have nothing to fear you'll never fear being

[24:16]abused being a prize from the other spouse and like I said

[24:23]it's not wrong to look for the other factors in marriage there's

[24:26]nothing wrong with that in fact we have a hadith that tell

[24:31]us a man when he gets married he should look for beauty

[24:34]there's one hadith from missoula la sal allahu allahu allahu seldom it's

[24:38]beautiful what says da a la da hadouken and yet as a

[24:43]wedge fell es el inshallah ha kemah yes l and watch here

[24:45]for in nashua durga male the Prophet says that if you want

[24:52]to get married ask about for the guys asked about her hair

[24:55]ask about her face because beauty is important so as LOM is

[24:57]not saying you should not look for beauty it's fine but make

[25:01]beauty the only priority that's it she's beautiful I minded by how

[25:07]she looks I fall in love and that's it I go and

[25:08]marry her without knowing her faith without knowing Dracula and nowadays brothers

[25:12]and sisters you all know that beauty can be bought you just

[25:17]need some money and you need a good surgeon and you can

[25:19]have the most beautiful face and just a few years ago I'm

[25:22]sure all of you read in the news it was all over

[25:26]the social media they said that there was a man in China

[25:29]he got married to a woman she was very beautiful in his

[25:35]eyes and then he had a first child the first child the

[25:38]man himself he says my first child was real ugly wait a

[25:43]minute my wife is beautiful I'm good-looking wise our child ugly okay

[25:47]the second child is ugly the third child is ugly usually a

[25:49]father never admits this child is ugly no matter how ugly our

[25:54]children are in our eyes they're beautiful but look at how i'm

[25:56]in a black shoes and an ugly this child was that even

[26:00]the father was saying he's ugly so he goes in researches he

[26:02]finds out that his wife had done tons of you know surgeries

[26:06]cosmetic surgeries plastic surgeries and she was hideous before the plastic surgeries

[26:11]he divorces her and he filed a lawsuit for $100,000 I don't

[26:17]know what happened after that so anyway the point is if we

[26:19]just want beauty it could be bought so it's not that it's

[26:24]not that valuable that's why Islam says that if you want a

[26:27]happy life if you want a stable life with your spouse look

[26:33]beyond beauty look beyond wealth the hadith of imam musa alayhis salaam

[26:37]says that as a word you're a jew role model at Le

[26:43]Mario jamiah lemures automatic listen to the hadith evaluate the hadith says

[26:47]if you marry your spouse just because of their wealth or their

[26:51]beauty Allah says you will not enjoy that beauty Allah will take

[26:55]away the blessings from that marriage but then the hadith says Fantas

[27:00]awaji aha the Dean harvas up of Allah mala hoja mala but

[27:05]if you marry her for her faith Allah will make her beautiful

[27:08]neurons you'll enjoy her wealth you're you you're you will enjoy her

[27:14]beauty and she will enjoy his wealth even if it's limited allah

[27:17]subhanahu wa'ta'ala will make them enjoy each other so we have to

[27:20]be very very careful when it comes to these important points so

[27:26]faith is the most important factor and unfortunately you find some people

[27:31]in the community they come with a huge list of conditions that

[27:33]they want in their in their spouse I remember once I received

[27:36]an email from a brother and he said I'm you know I'm

[27:39]all alone here my parents are in the Middle East I want

[27:42]to get married and I want you to help me and then

[27:43]he had some qualities for his wife he had written them down

[27:47]do you know how many qualities he wanted in his wife 17

[27:49]I counted them so I wanted to email him that was wrong

[27:54]with you such a woman may not even exist so be practical

[27:59]don't be too high demanding he had such conditions that were you

[28:03]know that were not practical at all and they're not important at

[28:06]all in and giving you a successful happy marriage you know they

[28:10]say you know as a joke they say a woman one day

[28:14]she goes to a shop and she sees in the shop they're

[28:18]selling husband's it's only a joke there's no such place so she

[28:21]goes inside and she sees that there are rules written rule number

[28:29]one that there are six floors in this shop and you can

[28:32]only choose one man and each floor has different qualities of the

[28:39]men but however the most important rule is every stage every floor

[28:43]you go up you can never go down so be careful so

[28:48]the lady she goes to the first floor and she sees it

[28:50]says there's a sign there's many men there it says that all

[28:55]the men here they are religious that's it she says that's not

[28:58]enough for me she goes to the second floor the second floor

[29:01]she sees a sign all the men here are religious and handsome

[29:04]okay that's better still not enough she goes to the third floor

[29:09]the third floor all the men here are handsome their religious and

[29:13]they're wealthy okay that's much better but still not enough she goes

[29:16]to the fourth floor the fourth floor all the men here are

[29:18]religious there handsome they're wealthy and they're very good with children they

[29:22]love children that's very good she's about to choose but wait let

[29:26]me go to the fifth floor she goes to the fifth floor

[29:27]their hands on their religious they're wealthy they're good with children and

[29:31]everyone who's here is very very strong physically so she says wait

[29:35]a minute should I choose should I not choose should I choose

[29:38]should I not choose she says let me go through you see

[29:40]the green of the human being she says let me go to

[29:42]the final level the six double she arrives at the sixth level

[29:44]and she sees a sign it says you are visitor number 70

[29:49]million for example 70 million there are no men here and this

[29:52]floor only exists to prove that you can never be pleased so

[29:56]even though this is a joke but some human beings brothers and

[29:59]sisters and in our communities they have too many conditions that they

[30:03]want and that's why you see when you tell them why don't

[30:06]you get married what do they tell you I can't find the

[30:08]right one because you put too many conditions if they're a faith

[30:11]and a clock isn't that less that's fine but once the more

[30:16]qualities you add first of all it's not going to make you

[30:17]happier second of all it's just gonna postpone your marriage and what's

[30:23]interesting is that many times when I say young men that aren't

[30:29]married I always ask them why aren't you married I try to

[30:32]encourage them to get married and you know the most common answer

[30:36]that I get why young men did i get married early do

[30:38]you know what it is what's the most common excuse for not

[30:44]getting married for young men the most common excuse is money wealth

[30:48]they say i'm still not fully established financially i have to be

[30:55]established financially only then can i get married and likewise you'll see

[30:58]many fathers they will reject the proposals to their daughters why because

[31:01]he's not a good person no because he's not a for example

[31:06]respected person community no because he's not well established what did they

[31:10]mean long-established he has to have at least 50 to 100,000 in

[31:13]his account savings account he has to make seventy to eighty thousand

[31:16]dollars as a salary he has to have a house and so

[31:20]on and so forth and you find that this has become one

[31:24]of the leading factors to our youth postponing their marriages so many

[31:28]youth do not get married at an early age because of this

[31:32]fact two points here but the sisters aslam says about this number

[31:35]one a lot of hannah ha wa'ta'ala our master our Creator our

[31:40]sustainer he says in the holy quran any hakuna mutata i own

[31:44]a home on la home and fadhli do we understand what the

[31:48]quran says or we just read it for a Baraka for blessing

[31:50]the holy quran says if get married and if the young man

[31:56]is not well established yet yes he's going to college he's working

[32:00]i'll take time but he's still not well established Islam says don't

[32:04]worry about it the koran says allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala will take care

[32:09]of it a lot of hannah hawa to allah will make him

[32:11]one see allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala will add to his sustenance and that's

[32:16]why you see in Islam but they're sisters you find that there

[32:21]are many acts you'll see in the hadith you will see that

[32:29]they increase our sustenance and one of those things one of those

[32:33]acts that increase our sustenance and make us better off financially is

[32:37]getting married you see a man comes to rasoolullah sallallahu alehiwassallaam one

[32:42]day he tells them i'm not doing so good financially what do

[32:44]i do I soon Allah tells them get married he says what

[32:48]do you mean get married I can't support myself now you want

[32:50]me to have to support another human being or so Allah tells

[32:55]mes get married and I saw up to nine hadith brothers and

[32:57]sisters from the Rasul Allah and from the Imams all saying that

[33:03]if you want a lot to increase your sustenance be water be

[33:06]better off financially get married but how it doesn't make sense how

[33:13]does this lamb say get married let me share this piece of

[33:16]information with you I don't know how many of you have heard

[33:19]of something called the marriage wage premium three words marriage wage premium

[33:24]google it tonight see what it says labor economist state that men

[33:30]begin making higher wages when they get married so he's single he's

[33:37]making this much amount of money as soon as he gets married

[33:40]he begins making much more money how much money how much more

[33:43]statistics state that anywhere from 10 up to fifty percent more money

[33:49]just because he's married they bring resumes of two individual people they

[33:55]have the identical resumes same degree same age live in same areas

[33:59]they speak the same line same qualifications the only difference is one

[34:03]of them one of them is married the other single the one

[34:08]that's married makes up to fifty percent more money than the single

[34:11]one this is today in America it's called the marriage wage premium

[34:13]there's so many you know there's so many studies trying to analyze

[34:19]why this exists to begin with why do married men make more

[34:22]money than married woman the point is but there's a sister is

[34:24]this shows us that married men are more productive than single men

[34:30]they make more money you see subhanAllah 1400 years ago Allah says

[34:33]if they are not doing well I will help them our own

[34:35]Allah says do not make money and obstacle before marriage because if

[34:42]you get married a loss of Hannah home what's Allah will increase

[34:45]your sustenance we do not trust a lot unfortunately but when we

[34:49]see statistics from a university only then we begin to believe unfortunately

[34:52]and so panel are these statistics they state that these individuals when

[34:58]they're saying over making this amount of money as soon as they

[35:02]get married it rises and then when they get divorce and it

[35:06]goes back down soap and allah it's as if as long as

[35:10]I married there's a blessing there's a bottle kit that I will

[35:12]make more money and this is what I have eight are speaking

[35:14]out that's number one and number two brothers and sisters about this

[35:18]who said that I have to be rich and well established before

[35:22]I get married where did we get this from you see unfortunately

[35:25]we have so many misconceptions about marriage and that's why fifty percent

[35:30]of marriages end up in divorce who said that I have to

[35:34]buy a house before I get married who said that I have

[35:35]to have this much amount of money in my savings account why

[35:39]can we start out a simple life why can I rent in

[35:43]the beginning of the days why can I live in my family's

[35:44]in my parents basement why is there a verse that saying it's

[35:49]how long is there a study that says this will kill me

[35:51]this will make me make less money or die younger you see

[35:54]it's these misconceptions that we have that's destroying us so many of

[35:58]us have this mentality that I have to have a huge house

[36:02]I have to have a car a very nice car i have

[36:06]to have them start out simple five years after that rent a

[36:08]house five years after that buy a house what's the problem with

[36:12]that i know so many young people brothers and sisters they got

[36:15]married and they were living in their parents basement for a couple

[36:18]of years until they were better off or they were living in

[36:21]a corner of their families house they just had a room in

[36:23]a bathroom before I was married I had a single room a

[36:27]shared bathroom and she had a single room at a shared bathroom

[36:29]why is it now that we want to get married it has

[36:33]to be so extravagant why who's putting these ideas in our minds

[36:36]Allah Subhan Allah I'll never says these stuff start out simple and

[36:40]if you start out simple and there will be difficulties the marriage

[36:44]will last longer because the more difficulties the marriage faces the stronger

[36:49]it will become but if on the first day I want everything

[36:51]easy and comfortable the smallest difficulty everything collapses just look at the

[36:56]marriage of ali IBN ABI I believe alehissalaam and Fatima to Sahara

[37:00]hey salam what a beautiful marriage it's the most successful marriage i

[37:05]would say probably in history or one of the most successful marriages

[37:09]do you know how simple their marriage was your mom alia alehissalaam

[37:15]comes to rasoolullah and he proposes he proposes to father he does

[37:17]not even have a house he doesn't own anything in this world

[37:19]Osuna law tells them what's your dowry you want to give to

[37:24]fatima and this is fatima to zara no matter how great I

[37:30]am I will never be close to fought them into sahaja Sarah

[37:33]he doesn't I have three things my sword my ride which was

[37:36]a camel or sure or a a horse and number three my

[37:40]shield that's all I happy olive oil i own nothing else from

[37:44]this world he tells him you need your sword and right so

[37:46]Goins you need your sword and right go sell your shield he

[37:50]sells it for almost five hundred dimes almost five hundred dollars equivalent

[37:54]of today's money and this was the dowry apartamentos a la la

[37:57]Estella do you know how simple her wedding was do you know

[37:59]how simple their house was he did not even have a house

[38:03]one of the Companions by the name of halothane no not mine

[38:07]he gave him our Lea house rent or whatever he did not

[38:08]even have a house until a few years after what's up and

[38:10]they had the most successful life but we we have to have

[38:14]the most extravagant wedding the most extravagant houses them and then five

[38:19]months after it collapses you see it's narrated that the house of

[38:22]ali and fatima did not have more than 20 pieces of furniture

[38:28]and utensils all of it 20 pieces a mattress a couple of

[38:31]pillows a blanket and some some utensils for cooking that's only and

[38:36]they had such a beautiful life why is it brothers and sisters

[38:42]that our weddings have to be so extravagant an average American spends

[38:46]thirty thousand dollars on their wedding why why who's teaching us to

[38:50]do this why thirty thousand dollars spent on one wedding and then

[38:54]six months later we divorce and so many young people ask them

[38:57]what do you I don't you get married I can't afford to

[38:59]give thirty thousand dollars just for a wedding I have to wait

[39:02]until I'm 40 until I could save that much or some of

[39:04]these poor men poor young guys they have to go take a

[39:07]loan just for the wedding and then they'll be in debt for

[39:09]so many years is this my idea of a successful marriage I

[39:13]remember I heard a couple a couple of months ago in the

[39:15]news in Turkey there was a couple they got married they saved

[39:21]thousands of dollars for their marriage but instead of having a wedding

[39:25]do you know what they did sao paulo mwah what a beautiful

[39:27]lesson for us they took all that money and instead of having

[39:32]a wedding they gave all that money to the poor Syrian refugees

[39:35]in Turkey as food a food drive they were able to feed

[39:42]15,000 poor Syrian refugees instead of you know dancing a little and

[39:46]having music and disobeying Allah subhana Allah and feeding 300 people they

[39:50]were able to feed 15,000 poor people what's the problem if we

[39:53]learn from this lesson is there anything wrong as at the end

[39:56]of the world and subhanAllah brothers and sisters I read also a

[39:59]couple of months ago that a couple in one Arab country they

[40:02]got married and they spent 75 million dollars on their way you

[40:09]could feed an entire country with that money and then four months

[40:13]after that they got divorced and studies right now they prove this

[40:17]brothers and sisters not only the expensive weddings i'm not saying don't

[40:21]have weddings have simple weddings it's not that these weddings are just

[40:26]obstacles and some people can't get married because of that but they

[40:31]also ruin marriages and that's why i read a i read in

[40:34]a study conducted by emory university it said that it found that

[40:40]couples who spend less on their weddings tend to have longer lasting

[40:47]marriages than those who splurge the more you spend on your wedding

[40:51]the less it will last the less you spend on your wedding

[40:54]the more it will last number two they said we found the

[40:58]more that the couple spent on the wedding ring the more they

[41:01]spent the higher the divorce rate the lower they spent the lower

[41:07]the divorce rate so basically the idea have a simple wedding if

[41:11]you have extravagant wedding most likely you will not have a long-lasting

[41:15]happy marriage and this is exactly what Islam says make it simple

[41:19]brothers or sisters yes maybe having a nice wedding will make me

[41:25]happy a very extravagant wedding during the first days well la he

[41:28]will not bring you happiness in the wrong we just read the

[41:30]citizens it's not just this one universities and their studies they're mentioning

[41:35]all of this and that's why Islam says keep it simple and

[41:41]the most important factor is faith because only faith will guarantee that

[41:46]me as a spouse as a husband as a wife I will

[41:51]not be abused I will not be disrespected by the other one

[41:54]if that person has faith now there may be errors there may

[41:59]be problems but they should be mistakes a slip here and there

[42:02]the hadith of rasulullah sallallahu alehiwassallaam he teaches the men how to

[42:06]perceive and how to look at their wives he says when you

[42:08]get married this is how you should see your wives he says

[42:14]annamma ff2 more wanna be a mullet in LA your wife every

[42:16]young man who gets married should keep this in mind when you

[42:20]get married your wife is a trust from allah in your hands

[42:22]it's just like when you go to the bank and you take

[42:26]a loan can you have use that loan never you have to

[42:30]respect that loan and protect it and pay it on time likewise

[42:32]when i get married it's like a loan I have to respect

[42:38]that loan I have to respect that trust from Allah subhana Allah

[42:41]a minor I cannot abuse it I cannot disrespect you can never

[42:45]get this mother and sisters from money one lie all the money

[42:47]of their old and never buy this quality that I see my

[42:51]wife as a trust from allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala and likewise the woman

[42:55]sees her husband as a trust from allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala Mario Batali

[43:00]Valley his cellar he says about Fatima to sahara he says falala

[43:04]hema I loved to her well a collage to her I la

[43:10]em linha baja la he says one lie he my wife Fatima

[43:18]she never disobeyed me Anna and she never angered me until the

[43:21]day she died never and then he says the same thing about

[43:28]himself voila voila alphabet knee when I us at first he says

[43:31]that I never I never angered her and then he says and

[43:36]what why she never angered me it was reciprocal I never angered

[43:40]her and she never angered me I never obeyed her I never

[43:43]ordered her to do something but yet she would never disobey me

[43:48]when I used to politely request and then he says welcome to

[43:53]Humble alaihe protection onion human well as an Andrew nice to look

[43:57]at my wife I'd permit if I had stress problems all my

[44:01]stress would go away just by looking at the face of Fatima

[44:04]well I him money cannot buy you this brothers and sisters only

[44:09]faith only a flap can buy you this and that's why when

[44:12]fatima zahra ali has salaam was killed imam ali he went to

[44:16]the grave of rasool allah he visited the grave of rasulullah he

[44:20]buried father man and then he visited the grave of rasulullah and

[44:23]then he began to speak with Rasulullah he told me honest ooh

[44:29]la la your daughter Fatima has been buried and she has joined

[44:32]you in the eternal life and I need to tell you this

[44:35]yaris ooh la la he says this beautiful world it's heartbreaking he

[44:39]says like I distorted giotto idea he says the trust remember that

[44:43]every man when he gets married at the trust of Allah he

[44:47]says the trust that you and Allah entrusted with Fatima I am

[44:51]giving back this trust but in what condition what did they do

[44:53]to her it wasn't immune more minis fall it was the oppressors

[44:58]but look at how Imam Ali Ali Aslam speaks about Fatima and

[45:00]this high fashion and you find his son imam hussain ali has

[45:07]salaam he continued in the same footsteps imam hussain ali his salon

[45:12]before he went to Carabella in the city of al-madinah he likewise

[45:15]visited his grandfather Rasool Allah he went to the grave of rasulallah

[45:20]he had to farewell his fine father because he knew he will

[45:25]leave and he will never return he went to the grave of

[45:27]rasulullah so disturbed the price sad of because of the events that

[45:33]will take place and then while he sat on the grave of

[45:35]rasulullah he took a small nap on the grave of rasulullah while

[45:41]he took a nap he saw his grandfather rasoolullah sallallahu ala you

[45:45]re wuz and he began to speak to him my dear grandfather

[45:48]Rasool Allah I am saying your lovely grants and that you used

[45:53]to love and spoil so much yada sunol I'd use do you

[45:55]not see what they are doing to your family yata sudal i

[45:58]do you see the corruption I don't want to go back to

[46:01]this world take me with you we oughtta Sulaimon I never want

[46:05]to see this world again his grandfather Rasool Allah tells in my

[46:08]dear grandson for saying you must be patient my dear grandson Hussein

[46:13]in a few days you will be in Karbala it's as if

[46:15]I can see this enemy of Allah shamu sitting on your chest

[46:20]you are thirsty you ask my own nation for water they don't

[46:23]give you any water and they will kill you ya hussain while

[46:28]you are thirsty but you have to have patience in mind before

[46:30]saying are they as salaam he wakes up from his dream he

[46:34]knows that finally he has to leave medina and he has to

[46:37]go to Carabella Imam Hussein he gathers all the family members he

[46:41]gathers even the woman the children remember two nights ago I mentioned

[46:46]the famous quote of Charles Dickens a Christian or non-muslim and he

[46:51]says that if Hussein wanted to go to Karbala and qufu for

[46:54]his revolution for worldly matters then I don't understand why he took

[46:57]his wives with him I don't understand why he took the children

[47:02]the woman of us o Allah so it stands the reason that

[47:05]are saying sacrifice purely for a line for Islam he tells all

[47:07]the woman and the children to prepare we have a long journey

[47:12]what a difficult journey will be to Carabella he tells all the

[47:15]men all the children to prepare they were already they packed their

[47:19]bags they're about to mount their horses but imam hussain ali has

[47:22]salon before he could move he sees a young little girl by

[47:25]the name of Fatima she comes and she runs after Imam Hussain

[47:30]and the hadith says that she holds on the garments of Hussein

[47:33]and she says my dear father do not leave me here it

[47:37]is phantom la nena Imam Hussein had a young daughter by the

[47:39]name of Fatima and she was very sick Imam Hussein decided to

[47:44]leave her in Medina with umm salamah the wife of rasulullah she

[47:47]comes and she tells them yahoo say my father you're leaving me

[47:50]all alone and you're taking all the children and you're taking everyone

[47:53]please take me with you and I'm gonna saying he comes down

[47:58]from his horse he hugs his daughter he begins to cry my

[48:00]dear daughter Fatima it's a long difficult journey and you are very

[48:06]sick it's dangerous if you come with us so you have to

[48:08]stay in al-madinah this little girl Fatima who they say she resembled

[48:12]Fatima to Sahara the grandmother of Imam al-hussein she looked at imam

[48:17]hussain and she tells him my dear father her saying if you

[48:22]must go then I ask you please leave my little brother Abdullah

[48:26]Ali Aaron al-madinah with me so that he comforts me and I

[48:30]comfort him don't leave me alone in al-madinah my father her say

[48:35]you're my mother for saying are they is salami tones' let her

[48:41]daughter I cannot forgive me I cannot leave this little baby because

[48:46]his mother has to breastfeed him I must take him with me

[48:52]I tell him I'm gonna force a knee above the lonely if

[48:54]you would have loved this little baby with this young girl because

[48:58]we need to come together Malaya this young little baby got a

[49:05]three headed arrow that pierced is an egg yolk a waffle say

[49:08]now i'm on oh my i am i'm 14 saying alehissalaam farewell

[49:16]this little young girl and he went to towards Carabella the narration

[49:20]state that she went back home she was so depressed she would

[49:23]cry every day waiting one person will come back when will my

[49:28]father come back and take me and anytime someone would knock the

[49:31]door she would rush and she would say my father her saying

[49:37]has come back until the narration state that she saw that person

[49:40]is not coming back her father has taken such a long time

[49:43]so she heard that there is a traveler going to Allah going

[49:46]towards Carabella and koopa she writes a letter for her father are

[49:49]saying and she sends it with that messenger that messenger he takes

[49:55]that letter and he passes Carabella when he arrives Carabella he sees

[50:00]imam husain alayhis salaam is all alone between the enemies all of

[50:04]the companions and all of the relatives are killed only imam al-hussein

[50:08]alayhis salaam remains and he hears de mamon for same calling Allah

[50:13]element now Iranian sorrow knee alignment Maureen and you're in on it

[50:21]is there anyone that wants to protect the family of rasool allah

[50:28]and supports imam hussain he takes the message and he gives it

[50:31]to a magnificent imam husain opens the letter he sees it's from

[50:35]his young daughter it's from Fatima she's crying and she's pleading her

[50:39]father to come back he goes in the tent he calls saying

[50:41]that my dear sister Zainab come and see this letter it's from

[50:46]my young daughter Fatima what is she saying it she tells her

[50:48]she tells him my dear father who's saying I ask you about

[50:55]my uncle a la paz how was my uncle a bus doing

[50:56]its own Zeynep Zeynep what should I tell her should I tell

[51:02]her that they have several tons of a la paz she's asking

[51:04]about Holly unilag below should I tell her that they that they

[51:10]took a liliana lack bar and they pounced on his body and

[51:13]now it's into many pieces when should i tell my young daughter

[51:22]Fatima assalamualaikum Allah a barb de la la la la la la

[51:25]la la Befana egg in a la la la hehe larger uno

[51:32]hace una deen of allah allah mohammad in am on an opinion

[51:37]palaburn why lanta by through limits happy mothers and sisters let us

[51:42]all raise our hands and supplicate to allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala the email

[51:46]us and forgive us from our and forgive us from our sins

[51:50]and lesser ramón alcalá monedero chemical ali male allah everyone together ya

[52:02]allah allah allah allah allah allah allah allah allah allah ma film

[52:10]oh mini no Elmo ménage à la here mmm well I'm wat

[52:16]Tambor a llama bein an hour been humble Khairat a llama ideally

[52:19]when he can forage rajan hamid ansari here are one here one

[52:25]mustache edina been a day well our war helmet mini now Elmo

[52:29]menechino d so our benefit masala wat

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