Family Values in Islam - Sayed Hossein Qazwini | Followed By Ali Fadhil | Night 9 Muharram 2020/1442

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Transcript

[0:14]foreign when we were born we were surrounded by family members our

[1:45]mother our father maybe some siblings were there to greet us when

[1:53]we were born when we die we'll be surrounded by family members

[1:59]children perhaps sons daughters grandchildren they'll be surrounding us at the time

[2:08]we depart to say goodbye to us you see my dear friends

[2:16]our family will always be there they were there to greet us

[2:19]in this life when we entered and they will be there for

[2:24]us to bid us farewell when we depart and when we leave

[2:28]no one else will do that no one else can replace our

[2:36]family not money not friends not business nothing material and no person

[2:44]no other institute or institution or group can replace our family our

[2:51]family members there are some that try to substitute family members with

[2:59]pets or with friends or with work or with hobbies it doesn't

[3:04]work your family will always be with you from the moment you

[3:11]enter this world till the moment that you leave and there's nothing

[3:15]that can replace your family you are irreplaceable it's like a a

[3:21]bodily limb can anything replace your hand absolutely not maybe technology is

[3:28]advancing and you could have a fake hand a electronic hand but

[3:34]will it be the same as your actual hand no there's not

[3:39]because nothing can replace your bodily organ and the same goes for

[3:47]family members family members cannot be replaced even if they're not perfect

[3:52]even if your family members have let you down have disappointed you

[3:58]have not always been there for you when you needed them perhaps

[4:02]they've embarrassed you at some point of your life they were not

[4:08]there for you they let you down but still family is family

[4:13]family is irreplaceable family cannot change there's nothing that should come before

[4:20]your family family first it's family first and family last and it's

[4:26]always about family family is a priority we should make our family

[4:32]a priority whether it's our parents or our children or our siblings

[4:36]and even cousins and distant relatives even uncles and aunts family's family

[4:47]your family is your first school what you learn the ethics that

[4:52]you learn the manners that you learn the language that you learn

[4:57]the religion that you learn it all comes from your family your

[5:00]family is your your backbone your support your support it's your family

[5:06]that supports you to go to school to get a an education

[5:13]to get a good job it's your family that stood by your

[5:17]side and encouraged you and made you have self-esteem and have self-worth

[5:23]it was your family members that stood by your side even when

[5:27]you failed telling you that you could succeed the other time around

[5:33]your family is your comfort zone it's who you go to at

[5:38]times of difficulties at times when you're depressed and you're sad you

[5:44]could be you with your family you don't have to pretend with

[5:49]family members you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not

[5:53]with family members your family know who you are and it's okay

[5:58]to be yourself with your family through your comfort zone it's where

[6:02]you go to be you you could say what you want to

[6:04]your family you could behave in whatever way you want with your

[6:08]family without feeling ashamed without feeling embarrassed you don't put on theatrics

[6:14]you don't put a performance in front of your family while we

[6:18]do with friends with society with people but we don't do that

[6:23]with family members your family is your happiness and it's your sadness

[6:29]your h your family brings you happiness any good that happens to

[6:34]them it happens to you anything that brings them happiness it brings

[6:38]you happiness because you are happy to see your family be happy

[6:42]and your family is also your sadness as well your sadness comes

[6:46]comes from family members if something evil if something bad happens to

[6:52]a family member you will be sad your family is your emotions

[6:56]whether your it's happiness or it's sadness your family is what stays

[7:03]when everything changes and go away your family doesn't change some friends

[7:09]might change from high school to college to work and then when

[7:13]you get married in the early years and then when you have

[7:15]children and then when you start a business friends change friends don't

[7:20]always stay the same there are some friends that stay the same

[7:23]and they don't change and they're friends of a lifetime but there

[7:28]are friends that come and go the family members are there to

[7:32]stay your families your family members will never change a sibling will

[7:37]never change unless death do you part your family will always be

[7:43]there they will always be there for you there are some people

[7:47]unfortunately they think that if they have money they don't need family

[7:50]if they have friends they don't need family if they own a

[7:56]nice house and a nice car and they have a vacation house

[8:00]and they go on vacations and they travel they don't need a

[8:05]family wanting a family needing a family is for the poor it's

[8:10]for the homeless those who don't own those who can't travel those

[8:15]who don't have friends those who don't have pets this is not

[8:19]true you could be the richest person on earth you have all

[8:24]the money in the world but you still need family you still

[8:27]need your parents you still need you need your children you need

[8:32]your siblings you could own 10 homes but if you don't have

[8:41]family you still feel un incomplete your family completes you your family

[8:45]makes you satisfied your ma your family makes you happy family's everything

[8:51]family is everything but do we realize this gift islam my dear

[9:02]friends because family is so important islam comes and emphasizes on family

[9:07]and family values islam comes and tells us that there is no

[9:13]better institution than the family institution then this than the institution a

[9:22]family islami on there is no institution built in islam better than

[9:30]marriage why because marriage is family it's the smallest component of a

[9:37]family a husband and a wife and then they have children and

[9:41]then they have grandchildren and that's how we family starts it's the

[9:44]basic block of a family it is the greatest institution in the

[9:51]eyes of islam that is why there is emphasis on getting married

[9:55]in islam islam is against celibacy islam is against saying that i

[9:59]will remain single all my life i don't need anyone in my

[10:02]life i don't need to i don't need to get married why

[10:06]should i have someone islam is against this islam is against celibacy

[10:16]foreign get married reproduce have children have a wife have a husband

[10:26]you ladies don't be celibate get married have a husband have children

[10:31]reproduce don't stay single don't stay without children there's an emphasis on

[10:40]harmony between spouses because islam wants a marriage to succeed there's emphasis

[10:49]on which spouse to choose what qualities to look for there's an

[10:52]emphasis on having children and how to raise children how to raise

[10:57]proper children all of this because islam cares about family all of

[11:01]this because islam knows that family comes first islam knows that family

[11:05]is your backbone it's your support it's your happiness it's your sadness

[11:09]islam emphasizes odd family because fam it's it's the family that greets

[11:16]you when you come into the world it's the family that says

[11:19]goodbye to you when you leave this world a hadith by one

[11:25]of the imams he says honor your your relatives honor your family

[11:31]honor your tribe because they are your wings that you fly with

[11:39]subhanallah it's like a bird that has wings can a bird fly

[11:46]without wings no similarly a person cannot fly without his family your

[11:49]your family gives you wings they allow you to to fly to

[11:57]be free it's your family that stan stays by and your family

[12:03]is your origin don't forget your origin and it is your hand

[12:10]that you use in this life this is family now there are

[12:20]parents who complain of having difficult children especially difficult teenagers there's some

[12:28]parents that say we have teenagers that we cannot deal with we're

[12:33]having a difficult time dealing with our teenagers they don't listen they

[12:41]don't take advice they don't take orders they don't follow rules they

[12:45]break the rules of the house they break the rules of the

[12:49]of the family so on and so forth so that there are

[12:55]some parents that complain of difficult teenagers who have bad friends they

[13:00]have friends that have bad influence on them there are parents that

[13:07]complain of their children who do drugs they've become drugged drug addicts

[13:11]there are some that complain of their kids who don't do good

[13:14]in school they say our kids don't do good in school they

[13:19]stay out they stay out late they go out with their friends

[13:22]and they come back almost in the morning they're out all night

[13:29]they talk back you you try to admonish them you try to

[13:32]advise them but they talk back they fight all the time some

[13:37]parents say my kids always fight with me they fight with their

[13:42]siblings they're always wreaking havoc our house is unstable because of the

[13:46]teenager that we have at home you see my dear friends sometimes

[13:54]you have to understand your children in order to deal with them

[14:00]before ordering them around before setting before setting rules and guidelines on

[14:06]laws you have to understand your children you have to see where

[14:11]they're coming from you have to understand the challenges in their lives

[14:15]before you judge them before you say that my teenager is a

[14:21]waste complete waste because of the reasons mentioned above no hold on

[14:26]a second do you understand your teenager do you know why they

[14:30]do what they do do you know why they're doing drugs why

[14:33]is it they're doing drugs is it for recreational purposes or maybe

[14:37]they have a problem maybe they're going through depression maybe there's a

[14:42]problem in their in their lives that you don't know about this

[14:48]is very important that we try to understand our children understand their

[14:54]fears understand their insecurities understand why they do the things they do

[14:58]why do they live in seclusion there's some parents they say that

[15:02]my kids they live in seclusion they're in their rooms all the

[15:05]time my teenage daughter or son is in the room all the

[15:09]time they don't come down for lunch they don't come down for

[15:12]dinner we never see them well why you have to try to

[15:17]understand be understanding maybe they have a problem maybe there's a problem

[15:20]in their life maybe they have insecurities maybe they have fear maybe

[15:25]it's the way they look maybe they're being bullied at school maybe

[15:28]someone's making fun of them at school in a class maybe they

[15:33]have a bad teacher who's mistreating them or is disrespecting them putting

[15:38]them down in front of everyone at school you know teenagers go

[15:42]through peer pressure especially during high school years it's a very difficult

[15:48]time because they have to look in a special way they have

[15:54]to dress in a special way they have to date they have

[15:57]to go out they have to listen to music they have to

[16:00]do sports it's expected of them socially so when they can't do

[16:06]these things or because they have a problem physically they're overweight maybe

[16:14]or you have to understand what is the problem in your child's

[16:18]life they're going out all day or they stay up all night

[16:20]with friends or they smoke cigarettes or they do drugs you have

[16:26]to try to discover what is the problem understand your children understand

[16:28]their challenges understand their insecurities and fears perhaps there's a there's a

[16:37]problem going on perhaps you're the problem sometimes we think that our

[16:42]kids are too difficult but in reality we're the ones that are

[16:45]difficult we're pressuring our kids we're pushing them to their boundaries we're

[16:53]expecting from them more than they could handle unfortunately there's many parents

[16:59]they're so busy because of work because of business because of what

[17:04]they do that they have no clue what's happening in their children's

[17:10]lives who are they friends who are their friends where do they

[17:15]go out they're going on a road trip where did they go

[17:18]who did they meet who are their friends are they good friends

[17:22]do they have good influence on our children or do they have

[17:27]bad influence on our children do they smoke do they do drugs

[17:29]what is it that they do when they're when they're alone we're

[17:35]clueless we have no idea what our kids are doing and then

[17:41]when they get in a mess we get upset and then we

[17:45]we expect the mawlana the sheikh the sayyid at the local mosque

[17:51]to come and fix our problems here say it fix my child

[17:53]how can i fix your child when you've ruined this child when

[17:58]you've neglected this child for many years because you're busy making money

[18:03]because you're busy in your business or you're busy on social media

[18:09]you're busy sharing videos on whatsapp you're on social media all the

[18:14]day all day or you're busy in politics that you've neglected your

[18:17]children and now you expect the sayyid or sheikh to come and

[18:22]perform miracles to transform this child into a a saint this is

[18:26]not possible this is this happened because of you because of the

[18:31]parents because of your neglect because you didn't put family first your

[18:34]family wasn't a priority for you you neglected your children and any

[18:40]child who has too much freedom who is not controlled who is

[18:44]not monitored whatsoever has unconditional freedom obviously they'll misuse that freedom into

[18:52]getting themselves into trouble this is expected that's kids being kids that's

[18:59]children being children that's teenagers being children teenagers being teenagers how many

[19:08]parents do we have that are friends with their children what they're

[19:12]teenagers how many are we friends with our kids or do we

[19:16]speak to them condescendingly we we boss them around we tell them

[19:20]what to do do this do that i will take this away

[19:24]from you i will we speak in the language of threats we

[19:27]threaten we punish but have we thought of speaking to them as

[19:34]friends treating them as friends having a one-on-one conversation with our children

[19:39]by going out with them by taking a walk or going on

[19:44]a vacation with our children or a road trip and you just

[19:47]talk you talk as a friend don't talk as a parent and

[19:52]see the results see how your children will open up to you

[19:55]when they see you not as a parent but as a friend

[19:59]someone that who they can confined in you someone they could come

[20:03]to you for advice not as a parent but as a friend's

[20:07]advice as a friend if we're friends with our children everything will

[20:10]change if we engage with them we embrace them and we engage

[20:15]with them softly not harshly kindly we'll see wonders you know sometimes

[20:23]we're very strict on our kids no that we don't need to

[20:27]be that strict nor should we be too soft there are some

[20:30]parents that are very strict that say no to everything to their

[20:34]children they can't even go out to the park nor are we

[20:38]so soft that we allow our children to to sleep at their

[20:41]friend's house all week long without even know who the friend is

[20:44]and what they do and where they are and without even calling

[20:49]them no this is this is two extremes we're not too strict

[20:52]we shouldn't be too strict nor too soft or be strict when

[20:57]necessary and be soft when necessary learn to be moderate learn to

[21:06]know what signs to show at times that you need to be

[21:08]strict you're strict at times that you need to show softness it

[21:11]shows softness that's moderation that's a good parent that's a parent that

[21:18]could raise good children also some say you know my children are

[21:25]are not like me when i was their age i would work

[21:27]i would study i would recite the quran i prayed on time

[21:32]my hijab by this maida you know we judge our children the

[21:36]way that according to how we were raised and how our parents

[21:41]treated us so if my father was strict on me i want

[21:43]to be strict on my kids if my mother forced me to

[21:47]wear hijab i'm going to force my kids to wear hijab if

[21:51]my if you can't do that you can't expect children to be

[21:55]treated the same way that your parents treated you it doesn't work

[22:00]that way many of us we were born and raised in the

[22:05]middle east iraq iran lebanon pakistan india our children are raised in

[22:12]the united states of america it's a different culture it doesn't mean

[22:15]that everything has to change it doesn't mean that we soften up

[22:17]but it means that we don't have to imitate our parents it

[22:23]means that we have to think logically and look at their circumstances

[22:28]don't judge your children based upon things 50 years ago you can't

[22:33]for example not allow your children to have for example social media

[22:38]because 50 years ago you didn't have social media of course you

[22:41]didn't have social media there were no computers 50 years ago there

[22:44]were no iphones 50 years ago things have changed the world has

[22:48]changed you have to keep yourself up to date again i emphasize

[22:52]this doesn't mean that we soften up with our children it doesn't

[22:55]mean that we let them have whatever they want no we have

[22:59]to be careful we have to monitor our children we have to

[23:03]speak to them we have to be their friends we have to

[23:08]see their challenges what they're going through but we don't repeat the

[23:12]mistakes of our parents or wanting to imitate our parents it doesn't

[23:16]work that way also there are some parents they expect from their

[23:20]children to do things that they weren't able to do for example

[23:25]i didn't get into harvard so i want my child to get

[23:28]into harvard it doesn't work that way you can't expect your children

[23:35]to to work on things that you failed at i couldn't be

[23:38]a doctor because i was poor my parents were poor so i

[23:42]had to do something else work at a library for example but

[23:46]my child has to become a doctor it doesn't work that way

[23:52]you can't coerce your children to work or achieve your own goals

[23:57]you want to become a doctor you want to study at harvard

[24:00]you wanted to do this you wanted to do that and so

[24:03]now your children have to do it and when they don't you

[24:07]say my my children are so difficult doesn't work that way just

[24:12]because you didn't become a doc you wanted to become a doctor

[24:14]but you failed doesn't mean you have to force your children to

[24:17]be a doctor you can't let your failures as a teen as

[24:22]a youth affect you as a parent in coercing your children to

[24:27]behave in a certain way or seek a certain path it doesn't

[24:31]work that we have to sometimes you have to let your children

[24:33]be you want your child to become a doctor but he wants

[24:38]to become a journalist let him become a journalist let them follow

[24:41]their passion don't enforce because when they fail it will come back

[24:46]to you they will say you forced me i didn't want to

[24:51]do this but you forced me don't let them say that they

[24:53]want to become a journalist let them become a journalist as long

[24:56]as they don't break any laws governmental laws no religious laws let

[25:00]them be he wants to become an athlete let him be an

[25:05]athlete encourage him to be the best that he could be as

[25:07]long as he doesn't break any religious laws or governmental laws encourage

[25:14]them to follow their passion it might not be your dream but

[25:18]you'll have to let it go he didn't become a doctor well

[25:22]you didn't become a doctor either you didn't make your parents proud

[25:28]we didn't make our parents proud why should we expect our children

[25:32]to do the same for us that's not normal that's you know

[25:38]that's not appropriate and it's not right times have changed our children

[25:45]come from a different generation with every generation there's a new culture

[25:49]there's new technology rules have changed everything has changed people have changed

[25:54]we can't expect to treat our children the way our parents treated

[25:59]us or we treat them according to the values of 50 years

[26:06]ago we treat them according to the values of islam but we

[26:11]don't pressure we don't drive them to to run away from us

[26:16]there's a hadith that say may god curse the parents that drive

[26:19]their children to become disobedient disobedience to parents is a very negative

[26:26]sin it's a very harsh sin it's a great sin but some

[26:32]parents they drive their children to become disobedient because they're harsh they're

[26:38]strict they make the lives of their children a nightmare you can't

[26:42]do that you can't do that also you have to remember that

[26:49]your difficult teenager will one day change no one stays a teenager

[26:53]for the rest of their lives they will mature they will grow

[26:58]they'll go off to college they'll gain knowledge they'll gain education their

[27:01]eyes will open up to the world and they'll change sooner or

[27:05]later the difficult the difficult teenager that was not taking orders that

[27:15]was disobedient has now become a mature person a mature adult that

[27:22]those the laws that knows the rules that knows the manners that

[27:26]knows the etiquette they change after a while no one stays the

[27:30]same so you do you don't have to worry so much don't

[27:33]drive them away don't have the attitude of it's my way or

[27:38]the highway you either follow my rules at home or that's the

[27:41]door you can see yourself to the door don't drive them out

[27:44]don't kick don't ever kick your your children out of the house

[27:48]no matter what they've done no matter what they've done they don't

[27:51]deserve to be kicked out because once you kick your child out

[27:54]of the house you've lost control and you've lost them they'll leave

[27:58]they'll leave you they'll easily leave they'll be embraced by a hundred

[28:02]institutions by a hundred friends they'll leave you don't leave your children

[28:09]don't drive them out of the house don't force them to leave

[28:12]you out of the house let's teach by example sometimes ordering around

[28:20]our children is you know doesn't bring results we need to live

[28:26]by lead by example let me give a present a good example

[28:29]for my children and they'll follow if i'm honest if i'm trustworthy

[28:36]if i don't you know fool people taking their money taking their

[28:41]if i live a straight life and i set an example for

[28:49]my children if i live a god-fearing life and i set that

[28:53]example for my children i pray i fast i recite quran and

[28:57]at the same time i implement religion in my life not just

[29:01]through salah this is required but this is not just religion religion

[29:05]is not just salah and so religion is also honesty trustworthiness being

[29:10]kind to people how to help people to volunteer to not be

[29:15]selfish if i set a good example my children will follow so

[29:19]it's about being a good parenting requires setting a good example have

[29:26]talks with your children how many of us sit and talk with

[29:30]our kids just sit and talk ask about school ask about their

[29:33]work ask about their friends and talk casually don't talk with a

[29:37]tone of why are you doing this why are you doing that

[29:43]no talk to them casually have regular trips and they will open

[29:45]up to you they will open up to you there you can

[29:49]take your chance to advise to admonish to educate to set a

[29:55]good example to tell them what is right and what is wrong

[29:59]and sometimes my dear friends sometimes you have to compromise it can

[30:05]be your way or the highway sometimes you have to give and

[30:07]take it's not all about taking even with kids even with kids

[30:13]you can't expect them to obey you in everything that you say

[30:16]there are some some things they'll have to compromise some minor things

[30:23]you'll have to compromise for the bigger things for example a haircut

[30:27]your son wants a haircut as long as it does not fall

[30:31]in haram it doesn't fall in anything very negative sometimes you have

[30:36]to compromise but in order to get your son to as long

[30:39]as he prays and fast doesn't drink doesn't do drugs but he

[30:44]wants to have a special haircut let them have his haircut sometimes

[30:48]you have to compromise in order to give and take you can't

[30:52]be strict in everything you can't lay down the law in everything

[30:55]we don't live in the wild wild west it doesn't work that

[31:00]way anymore you're not a cowboy it's you have to give and

[31:05]take there has to be compromise even with dealing with children now

[31:09]sometimes it's the other way around it's children that deal with difficult

[31:13]parents and yes there are difficult parents there are parents that are

[31:21]understanding there are parents that enforce their views there are parents that

[31:26]want to get invite want to get involved in every aspect of

[31:30]a child's life their school their work their business their marriage their

[31:33]children their clothing their car their house their finances their credit card

[31:39]bills there's parents like this they don't give you privacy or they're

[31:44]too needy there are some parents that are that need attention that

[31:50]want attention they want your attention all the time even when you're

[31:55]married they feel that your spouse has stolen their attention your wife

[32:01]has taken the attention from your mother and sometimes that's why there's

[32:06]tension between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law between your mother and your wife why

[32:13]is there attention because they're both fighting over your attention your wife

[32:17]wants your attention and your mother sometimes your mother feels that your

[32:21]wife has taken away all the attention i'm not saying all mothers

[32:24]no of course not but some there are some they feel that

[32:29]their daughter-in-law has taken all the attention away so they cause tension

[32:35]they get involved why did your wife do this why did your

[32:38]wife do that why did and and it can the fights continue

[32:43]and there's tension and there's and there's problems there's difficult parents we

[32:48]have to admit this we have to admit that there are some

[32:51]parents that are difficult they ruin their kids lives they're too needy

[32:57]they want attention there are some parents that favor one sibling over

[33:02]the other they differentiate between siblings they take sides they favor one

[33:10]sibling over the other and this creates division and tension between the

[33:13]siblings themselves so what do we do do we put them at

[33:21]a nursing home or a home for the elderly what do we

[33:24]do with our parents my dear friends we have to deal with

[33:28]it the quran tells us that our parents we have to deal

[33:35]with there's no getting by it's our parents at the end of

[33:37]the day it's my father it's my mother no matter how difficult

[33:41]they are no matter what they all the problems and difficulties they've

[33:46]created in my life but they're still it's my mother it's my

[33:50]father they brought me to this life they took care of me

[33:55]my mother had sleepless nights she cared for me my father cared

[34:01]for my my father went and worked out in the fields and

[34:03]from from his sweat and pain he made a living for me

[34:09]now i neglect them because i uh i'm annoyed by them this

[34:15]is wrong allah says in the quran that you don't worship anyone

[34:30]other than allah and kindness to parents see first worship none other

[34:34]than allah tawheed it's first or and then it's parents and then

[34:41]see allah knows that when parents become old they're no longer wanted

[34:48]why because they become naggy their akhlaq changes their manners change they

[34:55]become uh angry individuals they they yell they shout they lose patients

[34:59]so it comes with old age and this will happen to us

[35:03]we will also become old and we will all the things that

[35:07]we can complain about our parents now we will go through we

[35:12]will go through the quran knows this quran says when they become

[35:17]old don't yell at them don't shout at them no be kind

[35:20]to them if one of them becomes old or both of them

[35:30]become old don't say don't say this to them and don't shout

[35:37]at them don't don't scold them don't yell at them say to

[35:45]them a gentle word speak to them gently spend speak to them

[35:51]softly say something kind to them and lower your wings of mercy

[36:01]for them you know when a bird is showing humility unlike someone

[36:06]they lower their wings they don't raise when you raise your wings

[36:09]your your that means you're about to attack you're showing off right

[36:16]you're putting your guard up but when you lower your wings you're

[36:22]showing humility show them humility by lowering your guard lowering your wings

[36:33]and say my lord have mercy upon them for raising me when

[36:40]i was a child for raising me as a child when they

[36:45]had mercy upon me when i was a child my mother didn't

[36:47]sleep my father didn't sleep my mother would wake up every 30

[36:50]minutes every hour to breastfeed me to take care of me to

[36:55]watch over me i slept comfort comfortably when my mother had to

[37:00]stay awake have mercy upon them allah have mercy upon my mother

[37:05]and upon my mother and upon my father in another verse allah

[37:10]says and we reminded man or humans of their mothers of their

[37:17]parents his mother carried him it was his mother that carried him

[37:31]with weakness with pain and another verse when jahadaka allah and and

[37:46]be a companion of them live with them in a good way

[37:51]in a positive way the quran reminds us of our parents to

[37:59]take care of our parents the quran doesn't tell us to take

[38:03]care of our children but the quran tells us to take care

[38:06]of our parents why because we'll never neglect our children it's biological

[38:10]it's an our system no one needs to tell us to take

[38:14]care of our children but we need to be told to take

[38:18]care of our parents because we'll neglect them we'll forget them we

[38:21]need to appreciate our parents my dear friends because a day will

[38:26]come where they'll depart us they'll leave us here they're guests they're

[38:30]only here temporarily as as are we we are also guests but

[38:37]perhaps we'll outlive our appearance and we'll die after them so for

[38:41]us they are guests let's appreciate them while they are here because

[38:45]when they're gone we'll have regrets we'll regret why we treated them

[38:50]and even if they were bad to us even although i don't

[38:53]believe that our parents can be bad parents yes they could be

[38:58]sometimes negative sometimes it could harm us without knowing even if they

[39:05]were like that let's be kind to them otherwise one day will

[39:09]come and we'll regret it sometimes it's not the difficulty is not

[39:16]with parents and and children there's difficult children there's difficult parents there's

[39:23]difficult siblings sometimes sometimes your siblings are the ones that cause you

[39:29]a a headache and a problem why because sometimes there's jealousy and

[39:32]envy among siblings yes brothers who are envious of each other sisters

[39:40]that are envious of each other if one brother is smarter than

[39:45]the other if one brother is more handsome than the other if

[39:47]one sister is more beautiful than the other there could be envy

[39:52]there could be jealousy there could be grudges for many years amongst

[39:58]siblings sometimes one sibling can make the the life of another sibling

[40:04]a living hell this happens because of ambient jealousy didn't we read

[40:12]in surat yusuf that the brothers of yusuf were envious of their

[40:16]brother yusuf when he had his dream he saw the sun and

[40:21]the moon and the stars bowing to him what did his father

[40:27]say don't tell your dream to your brothers because they might plan

[40:37]an evil plan for you so there's envy and jealousy between siblings

[40:42]we all know this but still we have to be patient what

[40:47]do we do to siblings that make our lives hell a living

[40:53]hell do we cut off our ties with them do we return

[40:55]the favor do no we're we be patient we handle it we

[41:02]take it like a man we we handle it we show patience

[41:06]because these are our siblings it's my brother it's my sister how

[41:11]can i cut off my ties with with a family member this

[41:14]is wrong this is as we recited in the beginning of the

[41:21]lecture allah ordered us to strengthen our ties with family members not

[41:27]to cut our ties with family members even if it's a sibling

[41:31]be patient it's okay it's okay be patient no matter how evil

[41:37]they are or how envious they are or how jealous they are

[41:42]be patient and see who the winner is at the end of

[41:45]the day see who will win at the end of the day

[41:47]who will be successful at the end of the day who will

[41:50]win god's favor at the end of the day the one who

[41:54]is patient the good ending if you look for a good ending

[42:02]the good ending is with those who are pious those who are

[42:07]righteous those who don't cut their ties off with family members those

[42:12]who extend their hand even if their family members don't extend their

[42:15]hands if you have a sibling that doesn't want to talk to

[42:21]you you talk to them if you have a sibling that doesn't

[42:25]want to message you you message them who doesn't want to help

[42:28]you you help them who doesn't want to lend you money you

[42:30]lend them money and look at the results of your deeds look

[42:33]at what will happen you will see wonders elected it will prolong

[42:44]your life it will prolong your life and those who cut off

[42:48]their ties from their family members it shortens their life shortens their

[42:55]lives so i have a good relationship with your siblings even when

[43:01]you're older stay connected it's very important these are family values my

[43:07]dear friends a family is irreplaceable stay connected with your family members

[43:10]with your siblings with your brothers and sisters islam tells us that

[43:17]even if our family members are not muslim or they're not followers

[43:22]of connect with them show them kindness be good with them he

[43:33]says he cuts his eye ties off with family members that are

[43:39]not followers of that don't follow the truth he told them you

[43:43]should not have cut their ties off with his family members why

[43:47]just because your relative is a non-muslim or a non-follower on the

[43:52]contrary be good to them you will draw them to islam you

[43:55]will draw them to a little bit instead of cutting your ties

[44:02]be good to them to family members will draw them closer let's

[44:08]ask about our family members about our relatives not just siblings cousins

[44:13]uncles aunts distant relatives at the end of the day their family

[44:20]their their ask about them today it's become easy you don't need

[44:25]to spend money phone calls are are not just cheap they're free

[44:30]through social media you could call during gaeed during holidays during special

[44:37]events call them and don't don't send generic messages please don't send

[44:41]generic messages to friends it won't kill you to send a message

[44:45]to family members to relatives ask about them this will prolong your

[44:49]life this will increase your sustenance this will increase your your risk

[44:58]it has a major effect and we when we look at when

[45:06]we look at karbala we see that karbala is all about family

[45:09]values it's all about family values imam hussain ali salaam started with

[45:14]his family he started his movement with his family when he left

[45:20]medina and he came to karbala he came with his family he

[45:25]came with his brother al abbas and his brother jafar and uthman

[45:32]and abdullah the brothers of the father abbas and the brothers of

[45:37]imam hussein he brought his sons he brought his nephews he brought

[45:41]his daughters he brought his sisters he brought them all with him

[45:47]to kirby we see family values in karbala we see how family

[45:50]is important in karbala we see wahab who came with his mother

[45:53]and wife and who fought together in the cause of imam hussain

[45:59]ali we saw the little boy that lost his father and asked

[46:03]imam hussain for permission to to fight and whom his mother his

[46:09]mother encouraged him to fight for the sake of imam hussain these

[46:12]are family values family helping one another and the cause of allah

[46:15]and for the sake of imam hussain who entered the battlefield saying

[46:34]when his companions all died and their turn came to benihashim he

[46:41]started with his son his son his family member his eldest son

[46:46]came to his father and he asked for permission to fight imam

[46:55]hussain did not say no all others who asked for permission to

[46:59]fight imam hussain would say no except his son he didn't say

[47:05]no he started to cry and he said he raised his head

[47:10]to the sky he said oh allah bear witness at this group

[47:23]of people for a person who is most similar to rasulullah in

[47:28]his futures and his demeanor and his speech closest to rasulullah he

[47:38]is similar to rasool allah if we were to miss your prophet

[47:42]would look at the face of this young man and then he

[47:50]spoke he dire he addressed um he said of your family members

[48:02]the same way that you believed me of my family members and

[48:08]to the battlefield he fought bravely he killed scores of the enemies

[48:14]and then he came back asking his father for some water imam

[48:19]hussain made a gesture letting him know that i am more thirsty

[48:24]than you my son i am more thirsty than you before ali

[48:34]akbar came out came back to the camp his mother leila came

[48:39]out of the battlefield she would look at the face of imam

[48:41]hussein it turned pale he was he he was waiting he was

[48:49]anticipating what would happen she asked him my master has something happened

[48:53]has something befallen my son ali he said no but a champion

[48:59]has come out to face him i fear for my son go

[49:02]in your tent and pray for him laila came into her tent

[49:05]she faced and she started asking allah him that i do not

[49:30]have water i am thirstier than you go back to the battlefield

[49:34]my son and do not come back when when you're martyrdom akbar

[49:41]went and he fought until he was struck on his head he

[49:44]began to bleed the horse couldn't see his way instead of bringing

[49:48]him to the camp of imam hussein he took him to the

[49:51]enemy soldiers they surrounded ali al-aqbar from every direction and began cutting

[49:57]him into pieces he came and he saw the scattered body pieces

[50:14]of everywhere he started collecting his body pieces he sat next to

[50:21]his son he put his cheek on the cheeks of ali akbar

[50:24]but that did not calm his heart he put his chest on

[50:28]the chest of ali and then he said dunya life is not

[50:44]worth living after you as for you you have departed this ugly

[50:48]this dirty life and you've kept your father alone historians say that

[51:06]wherever he carried some pot pieces of the body other pieces of

[51:10]the body would fall finally he looked at towards his camp and

[51:15]he called benihashim and he said come and carry your brother ali

[51:22]back to the tent imam hussain came back his sister zainab was

[51:26]waiting for him my dear my dear brother where is ali akbar

[51:30]is there any news of ali akbar he said go and see

[51:35]his body parts laying on the battleground s foreign [Music] tears and

[52:52]the relationship between imam al-hussein losing his most beloved son but he

[52:58]never hesitated in sacrificing as the first of the hashemites the first

[53:04]of the bait to go towards martyrdom and the parliament says no

[53:13]son means no father [Music] i no sun means no father i

[54:05]choking from his tears seeping through his teeth's guts as if his

[54:15]heart exploded it also passed hearing his son cry farewell oh my

[54:22]father hearing the sun cry far well oh my father he cried

[54:33]where are you my son with this voice on highly like bob's

[54:40]blood flowed and blinded his horse it's ran to them and their

[54:50]swords with no rainbows broke apart the mirror of his great-grandfather broke

[55:00]apart the mirror of his great-grandfather i [Music] the angel of death

[55:36]to the lord it's prey it flew acrobatis no more so now

[55:43]i miss you [Music] the eldest [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] the moon

[56:27]soul left burnt by his own song crypto [Music] trying to not

[57:29]let it leave [Music] is [Music] [Music] lifeless body could move no

[58:09]further and my lifeless body could move no further no sun means

[58:16]no father my son no sun means [Music] not ali are you

[58:38]not mohammed i see a youth drowned in the blood that is

[58:46]sure to the edge of death of my bill of dinner because

[58:55]i'll see you again thereafter because i'll see you again thereafter [Music]

[59:07]hussain takes him to instant he's lost the boat and hussain takes

[59:16]him to his tent [Music] [Music] in her [Music] mother [Music] [Music]

[60:09][Applause] foreign [Music] foreign

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