Built Different: How to Stop Being Emotionally Fragile - Sayed Mohammed Hassan Alseheraa

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[0:39]How about ready?

[0:52]Muhammad [clears throat] Muhammad Muhammad Amen.

[1:32]Muhamad.

[1:50]Fore!

[2:03]Foreign!

[2:04]Foreign!

[2:11]for Allah.

[2:40]for foreign.

[3:11][singing] [singing] Alhamdulillah.

[4:06]Alhamdulillah.

[4:38]Alhamdulillah.

[4:51]for Allah.

[5:34]>> [singing] >> All them >> [singing] >> What's Fore!

[6:21]Foreign!

[6:22]Foreign!

[6:23][singing] for Take foreign.

[7:44][singing] What the >> [singing] [singing] >> Alhamdulillah.

[8:47]Alhamdulillah.

[8:54]Alhamdulillah.

[9:14]Alhamdulillah.

[9:16]Foreign Shore.

[10:14]Alhamdulillah.

[10:22][singing] forchech.

[10:55][singing] Alhamdulillah.

[11:24]foreign.

[12:16]Alhamdulillah.

[12:39]Alhamdulillah.

[12:47][singing] Alhamdulillah.

[13:23]>> [singing] >> Allah foreign.

[14:10]What?

[14:29]All What?

[15:17]>> [singing] >> Saychech.

[15:26][singing] Ali [singing] Allah.

[16:35]Allchech.

[16:40]Arabic.

[17:10]Allah of All Islam What?

[18:33]Allah for Latana.

[19:04]foreign.

[19:27][singing] for [singing] Wow.

[20:32]We Yeah.

[20:34]What are What should for [singing] [singing] Brothers and sisters, today is

[22:39]the eighth day of this Ramadan program for this year and um

[22:45]I hope you are enjoying it.

[22:48]uh you know a few minutes ago I was talking what to

[22:53]one of the brothers here and I told him one of my

[22:58]goals before the Ramadan was to read more Quran and um unfortunately

[23:03]it's been what seven seven days now and I feel like I'm

[23:06]not meeting that goal yet and I'm sure a lot of you

[23:12]is is probably in the same situation but I told him what

[23:17]what what compensate Um my shortcoming regarding this is that I am

[23:22]able to attend this program every night.

[23:26]Alhamdulillah.

[23:25]And I think attending this program is not only about uh um

[23:31]meeting the brothers and sisters from the community and socializing and getting

[23:36]coffee and uh desserts and donuts.

[23:40]Sometimes when Haj Ysef brings some donuts, um it's more when you

[23:44]come here and listen to the dua, the recitation from from the

[23:48]beautiful voices of our youth and uh the beautiful lectures from and

[23:55]inshallah we have two more night with Muhammad Hass and then we'll

[24:01]get back our beloved for 10 days and then inshallah Ali after

[24:07]that Um I have no doubt that those scholars spend a lot

[24:13]of time and effort and research to bring us the best of

[24:15]the topics.

[24:16]Um they bring ayat from the Quran, they dissect these ayats, they

[24:20]link it to a hadith from um so that we don't have

[24:26]to do that ourselves.

[24:26]So long story short, I think coming to these uh nights and

[24:32]programs in itself is a form of and a form of worship.

[24:34]So uh we ask you inshallah to continue doing that.

[24:39]if you are not meeting your goals like uh I do.

[24:46]Um and when we meet every year before the month of Ramadan

[24:48]to uh plan for these programs, we always strive to bring the

[24:51]best speakers and to get the place ready for you every night.

[24:55]And this is why every night we come back here and ask

[24:57]you to support us because this is for you.

[25:01]Without you, we can't do this.

[25:06]And this is why um I know it's repetitive.

[25:06]We do this every night, but it's so important.

[25:09]We can't do this without you.

[25:10]When I ask you again to support this, continue to support this

[25:17]through uh sponsoring nights every night.

[25:18]And um as you know now, we have a campaign going on

[25:21]to sponsor a spot in the gym.

[25:26]U few days ago, I brought up this and um say, as

[25:28]you remember, was the first one to raise his hand and uh

[25:32]be the first to to sponsor a spot.

[25:35]I'm going to challenge you again tonight.

[25:38]I need um at least um one of you inshallah to sponsor

[25:45]a spot in the uh in the gym to be the second

[25:49]or the first after the say you still mashallah we already got

[25:53]one here um uh I said at least one so it's still

[25:58]open if anyone want to invest in the future of their kids

[26:01]and the future of u their uh if anyone would like to

[26:07]sponsor a spot for $3,000.

[26:07]You can make it in payments.

[26:09]Two, three, four, five payments, whatever works for you.

[26:15]That would be helpful.

[26:15]Um, anyone else before I start calling some names maybe from last

[26:21]row.

[26:22]Okay, we'll save it inshallah for next time.

[26:24]Think about it.

[26:25]Do your math.

[26:27]Uh, I'm going to come back probably in a couple days.

[26:28]I'm going to bring this back up for your sponsor and um

[26:36]I would like to thank all the sponsors for tonight as well.

[26:40]We have Khalifi and anonymous donor for the sponsors.

[26:54]Let's recite surah and and your let's recite after.

[27:16]And now please help me um welcome Hassan Sh with a loud

[27:24]salah Muhammad Ali Muhammad.

[28:10]I think we're already over 10% of the way through Ramadan.

[28:15]Subhan Allah.

[28:17]It was like yesterday we started and time flies by very very

[28:20]fast.

[28:21]We ask Allah not to make this time fly except that we

[28:23]have invested in it inshallah.

[28:26]May Allah give us all the in that regard.

[28:33]Alhamdulillah.

[28:48]said Ahmed.

[29:36]Allahh says, in the Holy Quran.

[29:53]Please illuminate your hearts and bless this gathering and bring joy to

[30:02]the heavens with a very loud salawat.

[30:07]I once read a hadith that said that Allah has placed an

[30:14]angel to count all the and you do.

[30:20]However, Allahawel whenever a m or does a salat upon the prophet

[30:24]and his family, that angel cannot enumerate nor count the amount of

[30:30]they receive when they do that salat except Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[30:40]>> Let's give this angel another headache.

[30:45]Respected scholars, my dear, my brothers and sisters, at the end of

[31:02]the day, you are a human being.

[31:02]You are built with faculties of emotions, senses.

[31:06]You have emotions.

[31:09]You have a heart.

[31:10]You're not made of metal.

[31:10]Words hurt you.

[31:13]No matter how stoic you can be, no matter how brute you

[31:18]are, no matter how strong you think you can be or come

[31:20]across, if a bad comment is made towards your direction, it does

[31:27]rub off on you a bit.

[31:28]You're an insan.

[31:30]You have, as we say, you have feelings.

[31:32]You have a heart.

[31:32]And no person in the world likes to see their good name

[31:38]be harmed.

[31:40]In fact, this is such a sensitive area in any human being's

[31:43]life that when the prophet of Islam himself was the subject and

[31:47]victim to character assassination, Allah highlighted it in the Holy Quran.

[31:51]It's not that they were persecuting him through swords.

[31:54]It's not that they were hurting him directly physically.

[31:57]It's as they were just calling him bad names.

[31:58]Yes, I know sticks and stones, right, may break my bones.

[32:03]Words can never hurt me.

[32:03]But a Muslim cares about their good name, especially if they're doing

[32:09]God's work on earth.

[32:10]That's why Allah says and records in the Holy Quran, they called

[32:14]the allegations reached the point where they called him magician.

[32:20]They reached the point where they called him means a monk.

[32:23]You're just some weird monk that came from somewhere with some ancient

[32:26]scripture and you just have these interesting teachings.

[32:29]That's all you are.

[32:31]The Quran records the term for goodness sake.

[32:35]Mad man like forget it.

[32:41]You are just a very qualified poet in what you do.

[32:45]Oh, these are insults.

[32:46]These are accusations hurtling the prophet of Islam.

[32:51]Indeed, his temperament is much higher than to be affected or slowed

[32:54]down by this.

[32:56]But Allah still records in the Holy Quran that the result of

[33:00]these allegations causes your chest to become constrained.

[33:02]Yasool Allah, I know it.

[33:04]But do you know why it hurts?

[33:06]Who cares if a comet hits you, a comment in some website,

[33:10]a YouTube section comment, you know, if you see some of the

[33:15]terms that are used against us, you this, you see that, you

[33:17]sh this, you one, two, three, some of the funniest accusations come

[33:22]at us.

[33:23]By the way, you this and that.

[33:25]You haven't fully evolved.

[33:25]Now the guy believes in evolution all of a sudden.

[33:29]You haven't fully evolved.

[33:29]Okay.

[33:29]Are you done?

[33:31]Is that is that your best argument?

[33:33]Is that what you want to say?

[33:34]At the end of the day, what really hurt were these comments

[33:36]coming from his own family.

[33:38]That's what bothers him.

[33:40]Some of them they would come forth from cousins.

[33:43]Some of them were family from a distant Abu Sufyan.

[33:47]Some of them were relatives that have abandoned him.

[33:51]and he sees that what was once a loving group has now

[33:54]turned its backs against me.

[33:56]And not just that, don't support me.

[33:57]Why harm me?

[33:59]We have a statement.

[34:02]If you're not going to aid, then at least don't harm.

[34:06]No, we're going to make sure it's difficult.

[34:10]Abuab's wife, she would bury thorns under the sand, knowing these are

[34:14]the areas he usually walks barefoot.

[34:16]Just literally making the man's life a living hell.

[34:20]Let me make sure where he steps he's in pain.

[34:22]I don't want him to see any joy in this life.

[34:23]That's what hurts the holy prophet of Islam such that God Almighty

[34:29]reveals verses in the holy Quran as such.

[34:32]But God also gives the remedy.

[34:33]If you find yourself, by the way, the subject of public defamation,

[34:36]which by the way, you will.

[34:38]If you are a lover of Im Alib, you will because no

[34:42]lover of the H will be exempt from the lovers of the

[34:49]B and their animosity animosity, their hatred, their their barbaric words.

[34:55]If you love the truth, as I imm says, prepare to have

[34:59]few friends because very few are on the path of the truth.

[35:04]The remedy to this, God gives.

[35:06]But observe the following description of what happens.

[35:11]And surely we know already the language is in the plural.

[35:16]It's like to emphasize if you feel like you're outnumbered, we Allah

[35:20]is using the term we.

[35:23]We got your back.

[35:22]Wah.

[35:23]If you got if you have if Allah's on your back on

[35:27]your side then you should be good even if the whole world

[35:29]turns against you we that your chest becomes constrained over what they

[35:40]say a chest becomes constrained over words indeed especially if the words

[35:45]come from those who initially said I love you from words that

[35:48]only aim to cause as much pain as possible and words that

[35:53]that are not directly aimed at you, but they're aimed at the

[35:56]message of Islam.

[35:58]Some of the worst things that can happen to a person is

[36:00]they get made fun of because of their love to allahel.

[36:03]A good friend might make fun of the way you do.

[36:07]That's what really hurts.

[36:07]A good friend might make fun of you, but they're not really

[36:12]a good friend.

[36:11]But for praying on time, have you had a friend like that

[36:16]before?

[36:14]Who cares?

[36:15]There's still some time in between.

[36:17]That really is painful because to you it shows that the true

[36:22]colors of what I thought was a friend has now emerged.

[36:24]I only become friends with those that I have common interests that

[36:27]you have common denominators.

[36:30]If you have a friend, why do you have them as your

[36:32]friend?

[36:32]It's because you share things in common.

[36:34]What are the most important things I need to look out for

[36:36]to share things in common with?

[36:40]Is it not the relationship between me, them, and Allah?

[36:42]If it's different, if the priority is gone, I can't sync realize

[36:46]on anything else.

[36:48]What do we link on?

[36:48]Soccer, do we link on sports?

[36:51]What about the main priorities?

[36:52]That doesn't mean if I don't link with someone on a religious,

[36:54]theological level that I can't be friends with them.

[36:58]But at least have their best interest in mind that you want

[37:00]to inspire them.

[37:01]If they're truly your friend, you would inspire them.

[37:03]If they're truly your friend, you would give from them that which

[37:07]Allah has blessed you with.

[37:10]And what is the biggest?

[37:09]What is the biggest you have?

[37:13]The the biggest is the if you truly care for someone you

[37:20]would share them that I often times advise this for those who

[37:23]are going into sushi marriages.

[37:24]The issue is is that it's not like it's haram but it's

[37:29]why is it because you synchronized on a theological level?

[37:33]Not really.

[37:35]On a Jewish spudential level, not really.

[37:37]Your Ramadan begins different.

[37:41]Your salah time begins different.

[37:42]Yourar might be different.

[37:44]There are certain foods halal to them that are haram to us.

[37:46]There are differences.

[37:48]What did you synchronize in?

[37:50]Well, just looks.

[37:52]Is that enough?

[37:52]When they clock 50, those looks are going to go away.

[37:55]Is the relationship going to crumble at that point?

[37:56]What is it then?

[37:58]Furthermore, if you genuinely care about them, say and impress them with,

[38:02]listen, you admire a person because of their personality and the traits

[38:06]that built them, the principles they reflect, your principles today, you are

[38:10]a Shia lover of Im Alib, you have high standard.

[38:15]If that's truly what is the makeup and framework of a believer

[38:18]today, then you ought to share that with your significant other.

[38:23]Why deprive them of it?

[38:24]Then if they reject it, then why did they reject it?

[38:27]Do they not want to get closer to the These are conversations

[38:29]that need to be have because people often times prioritize impulsive emotions.

[38:34]They get emotionally swayed.

[38:36]They're quickly emotionally fatigued and fragile that a quick oneliner can sweep

[38:42]someone off their feet.

[38:43]A quick Instagram post is enough to convince someone that's it.

[38:47]I found the love of my life.

[38:48]That's it.

[38:49]I'm done.

[38:48]I'm sold.

[38:49]Yeah, but there's deeper things to consider about.

[38:51]How about the kids?

[38:51]How are you going to raise them?

[38:52]Is this haram or is this allowed?

[38:56]prayer timear.

[38:55]Do we eat octopus or what are we gonna do?

[38:58]Because in your methab there are things in our methab there are

[39:00]things you might find it a bit bizarre but life is going

[39:04]to be a bit weird to navigate that doesn't mean there are

[39:06]success stories by the way there are decent with respect furthermore how

[39:12]are you so sure the other side is not going to superimpose

[39:14]their narrative on your side all that was skipped because of emotional

[39:18]fragility you have to be more stern with your emotions more stoic

[39:23]understand that this my red line is my dean my Whether it's

[39:30]a significant other nor friend nor whatever, if they come at me,

[39:33]whether it's an intention to win me over or to bring me

[39:38]down, my principles have to remain firm.

[39:40]But it still hurts.

[39:41]You're not a robot.

[39:43]You have a heart.

[39:43]How do you navigate that?

[39:47]And the chest becomes constrained over what?

[39:51]In any other case, words would never bother us.

[39:54]But when the words are going at that which is the most

[40:00]sanctified which is by the way a reflection for us today.

[40:01]There are jokes that go too far.

[40:04]If the joke is about block that person if they joke about

[40:10]Allah which is common unfortunately and I bring so much area of

[40:15]criticism with all due love to our Christian friends.

[40:20]How often have you seen Jesus be made fun of and no

[40:26]one bats an eye?

[40:26]Jesus in sitcoms, Jesus in cartoons that Christ is played out as

[40:33]a funny character and it's as if like you can take the

[40:35]muck out of a prophet of God.

[40:36]That's your prophet.

[40:38]Throw a scene, make it a big deal.

[40:41]That's the guy who died for my sins supposedly speaking.

[40:43]Then how are you taking a mick out of it?

[40:45]A cartoon, an adult-rated cartoon makes fun of Jesus Christ.

[40:49]That's isn't that you're supposed to be your god.

[40:50]You're supposed to like go outrageous.

[40:52]Well, the Muslims leave it to them.

[40:53]They'll freak out.

[40:55]If you draw the holy prophet of God that there are extremists,

[40:58]they'll take it further, which we condemn.

[40:59]We were the first to condemn.

[41:00]But at the same day, you should have a red line where

[41:05]if you've removed the red lines and everything becomes merged.

[41:07]And if the holy and most sanctified is subject to ridicule, then

[41:11]nothing has any value in life anymore.

[41:14]when that which is meant to be the most valuable is also

[41:18]a victim of ridicule.

[41:19]Sometimes we need to remind our youth this the we can joke

[41:23]around in a group chat it's fine have games have fun but

[41:25]don't make fun of don't make fun of the mo don't make

[41:31]fun of stories are red lines in fact these are so serious

[41:37]to us that if someone in so much as makes a false

[41:40]claim about their is from the 10 acts that invalidate your fast

[41:46]one of them Allah puts this as a red line.

[41:56]You can't even touch the name of without it's not just the

[41:58]Quran.

[41:59]By the way, this is between even all the that the names

[42:04]of Allah is holy that if you want to even touch that,

[42:06]treat it like you're going to treat the holy Quran.

[42:08]Touch it if it's the name of the prophet as if it's

[42:09]your name Muhammad or Ali in reference to you is a different

[42:15]deal.

[42:15]But these names are out of precaution.

[42:17]Avoid dealing with them like you would deal with.

[42:19]That's how serious it is.

[42:22]Some people make take the muck out of this banter about the

[42:25]head.

[42:25]No, this is serious.

[42:25]Have some red lines.

[42:28]Allah says these words come at you, your chest becomes constrained.

[42:31]What do you do in that case?

[42:35]The remedy do in thanking your Lord and be among those that

[42:50]do sujud.

[42:52]Why?

[42:50]If someone makes fun of you, would it be your first reflex

[42:55]to say thank you?

[42:59]Not at all.

[42:58]If someone attacks you and your name and your reputation, what would

[43:02]your first inclination be?

[43:05]To retaliate.

[43:06]Allah says, "No, the first thing you should do is say thank

[43:10]you.

[43:11]How come?" Not just say thank you.

[43:14]Say, "Glorify Allah in format." Meaning, alhamdulillah, how come?

[43:20]Because people are making fun of me.

[43:21]Yeah.

[43:22]Why?

[43:23]It's as if like they envy you for something and they cannot

[43:28]become bigger unless they bring you down.

[43:31]So they found something in you that they are envious of.

[43:37]So alhamdulillah at least I have something others want.

[43:39]At least others are jealous.

[43:41]So I don't want that jealousy.

[43:42]But if I am going to be a subject to other people's

[43:47]interests such that they become jealous that means I'm making progress.

[43:50]And for a lack of better words, they hate us because they

[43:57]ain't us.

[43:55]Well, that's literally it.

[43:58]They hate us because they ain't us, mate.

[44:01]They found something in you.

[44:02]You succeeded business-wise, socialwise, communally.

[44:06]You mashallah kept your record clean.

[44:10]You graduated well.

[44:12]There are going to be people who are envious.

[44:13]It's normal.

[44:14]So if that comes out, say alhamdulillah.

[44:15]That means I am doing something right.

[44:18]That mean a m will never have negative envy.

[44:21]never.

[44:22]And so that means there are haters out there and the haters

[44:25]gonna hate.

[44:26]It's okay.

[44:26]Let them hate.

[44:27]Why does that bother me?

[44:28]So first thing you do is say, "Alhamdulillah." No one becomes high

[44:43]horsed think they are bigger than others except due to an insecurity

[44:51]they found in themselves.

[44:52]What a quote honestly what a line.

[44:55]They can only look down on you by bringing you down not

[45:00]by bringing themselves up.

[45:00]So they have to the only time you should be looking down

[45:05]at someone is to be helping them up not to make yourself

[45:07]bigger to make others look smaller.

[45:08]If that's the case you only become bigger and arrogant and high

[45:12]horsed because of an insecurity you found in yourself.

[45:16]Why does she have and I don't?

[45:17]Let me ruin her name.

[45:20]Let me tarnish his name and reputation.

[45:23]Why were they blessed and I wasn't?

[45:24]You know what?

[45:24]You know they're liars.

[45:27]I remember and just make up lies.

[45:28]I hear this news.

[45:29]Alhamdulillah that means I'm doing something okay such that I have people

[45:32]that are envious do from how grateful you should be but then

[45:39]you still have that hurt you still have that at you still

[45:44]have that weight on your chest to get rid of it pour

[45:48]it out in sujud if you are the victim of public reputation

[45:51]tarnation do sujud at night put your head down it's not even

[45:58]a salah just go drop happens to Jude.

[46:01]I think about how else does someone like survive for 34 years.

[46:08]34 years after im how if unless you are someone who became

[46:18]known as became the master of those who does you when you

[46:22]do sag there's a study about the position of sujud in that

[46:27]it is one which concentrates all the focus on your frontal lobe

[46:31]the study shows that the cerebral fluid gathers right in the frontal

[46:37]lobe in that position for as long as you can hold it.

[46:42]And it does in a manner kind of release a type of

[46:45]tension from the forehead region.

[46:49]The longer you hold it, it's actually a popular position in meditation

[46:53]or in yoga and in prayer for goodness sake for a specific

[46:56]reason that this as if all your troubles just come out from

[47:03]your head and just leave you be thankful and why cuz people

[47:07]are hurting me are speaking ill about me.

[47:08]Yeah, is but listen you if the prophet needed a remedy, you're

[47:14]not going to of course we're going to need one.

[47:18]The thing you should always do is make this dua.

[47:19]If the chest becomes constrained, you need it to be expanded.

[47:25]The dua you make is oh Allah.

[47:35]The first line is indicative of what the chest has been and

[47:40]what it needs to become.

[47:41]It needs to be expanded.

[47:42]An expanded chest in that symbolic expression means to say that you

[47:48]have expanded and broadened your capability to resist allegation.

[47:54]It's not going to hurt you.

[47:55]Why?

[47:56]Because you're no longer constrained.

[47:58]Think of it in this terminology.

[48:00]If you throw a baseballsiz rock in a bathtub that's full of

[48:05]water, you throw it inside.

[48:09]That water will spill over.

[48:09]It will cause a change into the surface and the amount and

[48:13]the volume because the surface is not much.

[48:16]But if you expand the surface and you throw a baseball-sized rock

[48:22]in the ocean, will it change?

[48:24]Will anything happen to it?

[48:26]Nothing.

[48:27]Why?

[48:27]When you broaden the subject and you expand it, no matter what

[48:31]arrows from society are thrown at you, you can resist them because

[48:36]you are now broadened.

[48:39]In what we say, have we not expanded your chest?

[48:48]This is to say, while the words hurt, we're going to give

[48:52]you the cure.

[48:54]The method to do so I have found is in a general

[48:55]collection of three points.

[48:59]The first is to always be in control of your emotions.

[49:03]Do not let your impulsive reaction be the response to public defamation

[49:09]or to someone's anger.

[49:13]Don't be emotional.

[49:14]Postpone your reaction later.

[49:15]Many a hadith emphasize that if you are angry, the first thing

[49:20]you should do if you're standing, sit down.

[49:21]Why?

[49:22]Change your mode.

[49:24]Change your position.

[49:24]Because in this moment, it could be a reflex, an impulsive decision.

[49:29]There's a hadith by the holy prophet Muhammad.

[49:42]The greatest and strongest of people are those who are the most

[49:49]in control of their emotions, of their state, of their nefs.

[49:52]That if you can control your emotion, an animal does not know

[49:57]how to control its emotion.

[49:58]When it's hungry, it does what it needs to do.

[50:00]After it's hungry, it doesn't care where where it is.

[50:02]It just nature calls.

[50:04]If it's feeling a certain mood, if it's not, it acts on

[50:08]emotion.

[50:09]The distinguishing factor between insan andwan is that you have wisdom.

[50:13]You control that.

[50:15]That's why many say there's a difference between insan and sometimes the

[50:21]can be viewed in a general sense as humans.

[50:25]But the first insan that graced the world with intellect was Adam.

[50:29]Why?

[50:29]Because he's no longer strictly animal now in a humanoid figure.

[50:32]He now has an intellect calling him from among the in Allah

[50:38]made us subject to his on earth.

[50:41]Why?

[50:41]Because we have hik the angels when they contested Allah with regards

[50:50]to Adam being the he just said this that then the next

[50:53]ayah that that Allah taught Adam all names meaning Adam became the

[51:01]first to represent God in this because he is capable to receive

[51:05]he is like a source that can contain Allah's because Adam is

[51:12]intellectual ually literate.

[51:12]He became the khalifa of God and not the angels.

[51:17]And the angels contested.

[51:16]Why him when we praise you?

[51:18]Why him when we've seen the other humanoids?

[51:21]They slaughter and they spill blood.

[51:24]Because I can teach him.

[51:27]He is teachable.

[51:27]And being teachable means that even if you are sad, you're not

[51:30]going to strike back.

[51:33]Even if you're angry and you can hit and you can harm

[51:36]and no one will probably even blame you if you're ridiculed in

[51:40]front of everyone.

[51:40]If you are the subject to mockery, you know that means to

[51:46]not lash out, to be calm.

[51:47]And this hits people when they're with their families a lot and

[51:50]with their elderly because sometimes you lose your patience.

[51:55]It's normal that teenagers or maybe even stubborn parents or stubborn grandparents.

[52:00]At one point you lose your temper.

[52:03]Then if they lose their temper, do you lose your temper?

[52:05]They say it takes two to tango.

[52:06]If they're angry, if once you're angry, then it's going to become

[52:12]a clash.

[52:10]You have to be the anchor.

[52:14]You have to be in control of your emotions.

[52:14]The prophet said, "The strongest of you are the ones who are

[52:20]in control of their emotions." That's why Im Ali Abdam you know

[52:24]the story very well in the battle of Kandak.

[52:28]You know the story.

[52:32]He fights that colossus bear of a man.

[52:38]He fights this big guy.

[52:42]I I spared myself.

[52:42]He fights him and then there's that moment, you know, clearly where

[52:48]he pauses and then he strikes him and then they inquired, "What's

[52:50]the deal?

[52:51]Why did you hold off before finishing him off?

[52:52]You have to calm down." Says, "Yeah, because he insulted me." And

[52:57]the hadith says he had spat imm.

[52:59]And there's another hadith that says he insulted him verbally.

[53:01]And so imam said I was angry and I did not wish

[53:05]to strike him when I am angry because I would have struck

[53:08]him because I was angry.

[53:09]So I needed to calm down and remember the mission was to

[53:11]strike him because he angered allahel not because of a personal vendetta.

[53:17]I needed to calm down and control myself.

[53:18]And that's why when he had went out to face him he

[53:25]said that the one who is in control of their emotions turns

[53:32]into all of it appears to be the case that all of

[53:38]faith is the one who has control of all of emotion.

[53:40]They're stoic.

[53:42]An insult is who cares?

[53:43]It's an insult.

[53:44]Be stoic.

[53:46]Live a life of stoicism to the degree where you're angry for

[53:50]the right reasons.

[53:52]You're not angry for personal reasons.

[53:56]You're happy for right reasons and the best reasons set the barometer.

[54:01]The second point to be more broadened to be more expanded such

[54:05]that one hurdle doesn't bother you anymore.

[54:08]You can handle these verbal arrows that come at you is to

[54:14]be angry and happy in moments that coincide with.

[54:16]Haven't you heard the beautiful hadith of them to which they say

[54:23]that our representatives that they are happy whenever we are happy and

[54:30]they're sad whenever we are sad and you coincide their happiness with

[54:35]yours.

[54:35]That's the best way to be emotional.

[54:37]But what does that mean?

[54:40]It means that when you're justified to be angry anger is not

[54:44]a bad trait.

[54:46]It's commonly seen as a negative trait.

[54:47]But if you're angry for the sake of Allah, that's totally acceptable.

[54:50]You are have to be angry when you see injustice, when you

[54:53]see oppression, when you see robbery and cheating and and vilifying.

[54:59]You you have to be angry otherwise something is off.

[55:02]But be angry in the right moments, not in those impulsive moments.

[55:06]There is not a single hadith that tells us about the merits

[55:09]of being impulsive.

[55:12]meaning right now reply right now your emotions fired up right now

[55:15]give a response there is not a single hadith that says that

[55:16]brothers and sisters whereas all the traditions say calm down take a

[55:22]chill pill give it 10 minutes then respond everything needs to some

[55:26]time give it 10 minutes then think think be strong and not

[55:29]let your emotion decide because if that slip of a tongue happens

[55:34]it could ruin family relations for years you've I've sat with families

[55:38]I'm sure say has others have as well where it's like What

[55:40]caused this feud that you're not talking to your uncle anymore?

[55:45]Years.

[55:46]And then if you go back and dig, he said that one

[55:47]thing about me, that's it.

[55:50]It's just a comment.

[55:50]But comments, they linger.

[55:56]Be careful of the words you say.

[55:56]Immab says that I'd rather you strike me with the sword before

[56:01]you strike me with the tongue.

[56:03]Because those words, they linger.

[56:05]They raise a generation about falseeness, about the fake world, about something

[56:11]that's untrue and people believe.

[56:13]I'd rather if you had struck the guy, that would have been

[56:18]more merciful because it would heal.

[56:20]But what could heal a generation raised on the condemnation of Im

[56:26]Ali?

[56:25]Um raised a generation slandering the name of Im.

[56:30]This is not a tactic us Muslims use.

[56:32]We don't slander others.

[56:34]We don't make up false claims.

[56:36]But yes, one comment comes out.

[56:37]See, one of the say, "See your teeth and your mouth as

[56:44]a prison and the prisoner is the tongue.

[56:45]Never let the prisoner escape.

[56:49]Keep that prisoner in solitary confinement as much as you can.

[56:53]The teeth, see them as the jail cell bars.

[56:57]The moment you open the door, that prisoner reres havoc.

[57:03]if they're loose, if they have no control.

[57:04]There was a beautiful hik by non prophet but an upright figure

[57:10]mashallah surah named after him always advises his son.

[57:14]Some of those beautiful advice comes from him by the way.

[57:19]Very beautiful advice.

[57:18]He says that if speech is of silver then silence is of

[57:32]gold.

[57:31]Don't speak your mind right now.

[57:35]Don't talk.

[57:34]If it's not better than the silence, then keep it down.

[57:38]Because if you haven't evaluated what you're about to say three, four,

[57:42]five times, don't let it out because it could be the reasons

[57:44]go by and people have this impression.

[57:47]If it's not verified, if it's fake news, if you The best

[57:55]answer, Immab says the best answer to a question you don't have

[58:00]100% with meaning 100% is I don't know.

[58:05]I don't know.

[58:07]I'm not willing to make people raised on an impression that happened

[58:11]to be false because I didn't get my facts straight.

[58:13]That's why the onus is on the god help these guys because

[58:18]they're guiding and they're giving answers and the problem is if you're

[58:23]speaking during Ramadan and you reference a hadith and it's not the

[58:25]exact hadith.

[58:27]What have you just done?

[58:28]So the best thing to do is to say what it is

[58:31]reported in the book.

[58:34]Theith can be found in if the hadith was wrong it's not

[58:37]on me it's on the right now because no work of literature

[58:42]is 100% except the holy Quran that's why us today the thing

[58:45]we should always be careful and wary about and conscientious is to

[58:52]always make sure that we are not impulsive in our response to

[58:55]make sure you're emotionally in control to coincide your emotions with the

[58:59]as well and to be disciplinary to discipline the nef.

[59:05]One day a man asked in his who passed away in 1960s

[59:15]previous to he was the grand merger of his era.

[59:20]The famous incident was known that there was always a student who

[59:23]would do iskal he would always refute the teacher.

[59:27]You know when you teach and or when you're teaching someone and

[59:30]the little guy who studied maybe a here here and there things

[59:34]they know everything and they start to talk back and they start

[59:39]to question you.

[59:39]It's like but I've been in this for a while man.

[59:42]Who do you think you are?

[59:42]But the role of a scholar is to hear out every one

[59:46]of their students.

[59:46]There's this one student who would always ask a question but a

[59:51]question in the form of critical questioning.

[59:53]Hey you said this point.

[59:53]I don't think it's true.

[59:54]Sometimes the way you ask a question also takes a toll as

[59:59]well.

[59:59]If it's done nicely, it's good.

[60:01]But he would always ask the sade a criticism.

[60:02]He's like, "But say now you said this.

[60:05]I don't think that's true." Until the s would sweep him off

[60:07]his feet by giving him the reference with the detail with the

[60:12]page was unique.

[60:12]He was like Chad GBT.

[60:14]He would give you the volume, page, reference line and the various

[60:23]varieties of that same narration.

[60:24]He had the which he would look at every narrator.

[60:27]Just look at the Colossus.

[60:29]Just a quick detour.

[60:29]Every narrator that ever existed in hadith history and he would level

[60:33]them in an encyclopedia.

[60:37]And that would be his metric to study a hadith authenticity.

[60:40]He had his own methodology.

[60:42]Incredible.

[60:44]That's about 600,000 men and women in the plethora sea of hadith.

[60:48]And he studied each biography.

[60:48]And he said if he's found in a chain versus if he's

[60:53]found in a chain incredible he would get a bit frustrated that

[60:57]would get a bit frustrated.

[61:01]The frustration bothered because he felt that listen every time he asks

[61:06]this this annoying student every time he asks I get a bit

[61:11]mad.

[61:11]Let me discipline my naps.

[61:13]The next time he asks is he's going to ask let me

[61:19]control myself.

[61:17]If I fail and I get mad, I'm going to discipline my

[61:23]naps.

[61:24]How?

[61:24]I will fast for an entire year.

[61:26]Some of us can barely handle a month.

[61:29]A year.

[61:30]Yes, a year.

[61:30]I have to control this naps.

[61:34]The next day class came, say is teaching.

[61:35]After the class finishes, he's like, "Who has a question?" Dreading that

[61:40]one student.

[61:40]And guess who asked the question?

[61:42]That one student.

[61:45]And he's like, "Take it easy.

[61:46]Take it." Oh no, I got frustrated.

[61:48]He got mad because the question can sometimes be a bit direct,

[61:52]bit piercing.

[61:53]You said this and it's not right.

[61:54]I mean, chill, chill.

[61:57]He got mad and now he has to do what?

[62:00]He made a promise.

[62:00]If I get frustrated, I will discipline myself.

[62:03]The sayy then actually spent in his like years like past his

[62:08]70s, a whole year fasting, one whole year until he disciplined himself.

[62:13]When that student asked again, he did not become frustrated.

[62:18]Look at the attention to control over their emotions that the scholars

[62:25]have.

[62:24]They don't become overwhelmed.

[62:28]They find a solution.

[62:28]And sometimes it may not be that dramatic, but discipline yourself.

[62:32]not harm yourself but take away some luxuries that you have for

[62:40]the purpose of making sure that if I ever do myself dirty

[62:42]if I have a shortcoming then I have to make sure that

[62:47]I train myself in a way one of the was his name

[62:54]is from Iraq about 800 years ago he's walking through and he's

[62:59]a locksmith and as he's selling his locks through the town of

[63:03]Baghdad.

[63:04]The king orders him of that time, the Khalifa, to make him

[63:09]a lock.

[63:08]And of course, he's a king.

[63:11]So, he needs his lock to look nice and fancy and intricate.

[63:13]So, he makes him the lock.

[63:14]That's what his job was, a locksmith.

[63:16]As he builds the lock and presents it to the king, the

[63:21]king became extremely happy.

[63:21]And his advisor was walking besides.

[63:24]And then the adviser said, "Oh, Khalifa, who's this?" And because of

[63:29]how happy he was, he overpraised and he said, there's a big

[63:37]grand scholar.

[63:38]Rajin liked that.

[63:38]It's like, oh me, scholar, I like that.

[63:40]Sounds good.

[63:42]You know what?

[63:43]Let me give this thing a try.

[63:45]By the way, he was in his 50s and he wants to

[63:48]start house.

[63:48]It's never too late.

[63:51]Why would you put an age range on?

[63:53]Try it.

[63:54]There's doesn't know gender, doesn't know age, doesn't know time, doesn't know

[63:57]place.

[63:56]is give it a shot.

[63:59]Don't think it's too late.

[63:58]He's in his 50s.

[64:01]Let me try it.

[64:04]So he goes to the closest class available.

[64:04]There was a sheh who was by the m of Ahmed the

[64:10]Hanfi school of thought um Abu Hanifh rather Abu Hanifh Abu Hanifh.

[64:17]So as he attends class he gets a bit overwhelmed.

[64:19]The students are all 15 16 18 and he's 50.

[64:24]He goes and he sits with them.

[64:25]And when he sits down, the teacher begins to teach the following.

[64:30]And he says that in the of Abuhanifh, oh students, I will

[64:34]be testing you about this tomorrow.

[64:35]When you tan dog hide, apparently in their not in ours, by

[64:42]the way, this is not true in our if you tan dog

[64:44]leather, what is neg turns because of and transformation.

[64:52]So we will test you guys tomorrow.

[64:55]I tell you that Abu Hanifh says if you tan dog leather

[64:58]the hide becomes no longer so tomorrow come I'll test you Saki

[65:05]is remembering this okay I got to remember this he's going to

[65:09]test us the next day he goes to class and he says

[65:12]I will now quiz you on yesterday's course oh students of mine

[65:14]who wants to go first you know what because yas rajin you're

[65:17]the eldest let's put the elder to go first what was last

[65:22]night's course about He tried his best to remember.

[65:24]Sometimes your memor is not so sharp, especially if you put on

[65:29]the spot.

[65:30]It can happen.

[65:29]He was like, "You said that if you tan uh leather, Abu

[65:35]Hanifh's skin becomes he flipped it.

[65:40]The students laughed.

[65:43]He wanted to cry.

[65:43]He left the class.

[65:46]He kicked a can.

[65:46]He's like, "You know what?

[65:46]This stuff is not for me.

[65:49]What am I even bothering with?" He goes, he goes, he gives

[65:51]up.

[65:52]one mistake, one overwhelming feeling, the pressure on his chest kicked in.

[65:57]He makes him give up.

[65:57]Impulsive reaction until he walks by, the tradition says a lake and

[66:03]he sees that there was a rock in the middle of the

[66:05]river.

[66:06]The water would go over the rock and he noticed that the

[66:13]rock had grooved such that the water would go through it.

[66:17]Apparently after many years the water from hitting it, it basically moved

[66:22]and shaped the rock such that it has a groove in the

[66:26]middle.

[66:26]So it goes straight through it.

[66:27]So just looked at that and he had an epiphany.

[66:30]He's like, "Subhan Allah, I wonder how many years it took for

[66:32]this water to change rock.

[66:34]Can it be the case that if in just a few years

[66:36]that can change me, can change my surface, can change my navs,

[66:43]if it's just a couple years, I can do this?

[66:46]Why not?" So he went back to the seminary and he mustered

[66:48]some courage and he actually became a scholar, an upright one.

[66:51]He wrote a book called it's a very good book about of

[66:56]the holy Quran and that just shows that the impulsive reaction if

[66:59]it took precedent then he would have not reached a position where

[67:03]now he attained his dreams and hopes.

[67:05]But the best among us here is to always sideline those impulsive

[67:10]moments to act on emotion.

[67:14]you miss out on opportunities.

[67:16]Brothers and sisters, the best way to approach this is to expand

[67:20]our chests to make sure that we don't let the hurdles of

[67:26]society impact us.

[67:26]To never respond emotionally, impulsively to remain silent.

[67:31]Let your action in retaliation.

[67:33]The best revenge is to improve yourself.

[67:37]And inshallah, Allah will help us in that regard in the remaining

[67:39]nights and days of the holy month of Ramadan.

[67:42]The best of I conclude with this line is to gain of

[67:49]Allah.

[67:48]You can do you can do you can do the best of

[67:53]the is to gain of Allah whatever that looks like and may

[68:01]Allah give us that in the and in the Ramadan.

[68:33]Alhamdulillah.

[68:47]Allah.

[68:49]>> Amen.

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