5 Things That Destroy a Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini - Lecture 7- Muharram 1440/ 2018

8 Bekeken· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
abonnees

"5 Things That Destroy a Marriage" - Sayed Saleh Qazwini - Muharram 1440/2018- Lecture 7

Laat meer zien

Transcript

[0:00]smella rahmanir rahim [Music] al-hamdu lillahi rabbil alameen wa sallahu frothing and

[0:12]bi even more saline Habibi hell I mean most of a debate

[0:52]to help ie being a pioneer in la la la la la

[0:58]la Halle Berry chicken mother No me in la la [Music] Abbadon

[1:20]yeah rahmatullahi Barbra Jean [Music] Layton Kanna Markham's oddity vana 4000 Alima

[1:45]miss Molloy rahmanir rahim woman yeah he and kala kala common for

[2:03]cecum azwaj only Toscano la la jolla become what the trauma in

[2:10]Fei nickel-iron [Music] little woman yet effect Solana madhu Ali Mohammed no

[2:31]religion sanctifies the family the way the religion of Islam does all

[2:41]religions sanctify families however the religion of Islam treats the family in

[2:46]a very different way marriage is treated in a very different way

[2:51]raising children and upbringing is something that is stressed about in the

[2:56]Quran and we find that one of the major themes in Islam

[3:03]and one of the major themes of the Quran is the family

[3:07]according to the hadith of rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa ala he says

[3:15]mbuna offend Islam ebin are on a habbo illa llah he ministers

[3:20]we'd know Foundation and institution has been built in the religion of

[3:25]Islam more beloved to Allah than the institution of marriage than the

[3:29]institution of the family and we see that the Quran stresses on

[3:37]the importance of the family sometimes Allah Subhanahu WA Ta'ala orders people

[3:43]to show respect to the parents what about a book and latamuda

[3:47]el dia wobbled wiley Dania sana there are several verses that insist

[3:55]on respecting the parents and dealing with the parents kindly there are

[4:01]verses that talk about marriage women I had to he and from

[4:04]amongst the signs of Allah women IATA he and kalapana common and

[4:09]fussy come as wagon lettuce Kanu alaihe from the signs of Allah

[4:17]that he created for you from amongst yourselves spouses and pairs he

[4:24]created you in pairs why lettuce Kanu alaihe so that you may

[4:28]find tranquility and love with one another lettuce Kuno alaihe wa ja'a

[4:36]bein accommodation wa rahma and allah places the love and the compassion

[4:41]within the relationship and another verse Allah says in the Quran when

[4:46]Karen I am I'm income was Salah hain I mean I body

[4:52]come ye may I come in your corner for Cara I of

[4:53]Muhammad Muhammad father lay and Mary helped those who are not able

[5:00]to get married help them get married support them in their marriage

[5:04]if they're poor Allah will support them you see that there are

[5:07]several verses that talk about the importance of raising children properly having

[5:13]sound children not only physically healthy but also spiritually healthy this is

[5:20]what the Quran stress is about Allah subhana WA Ta'ala describes the

[5:24]door that there are of several prophets and this is one of

[5:30]them is the DAF rasulallah salallahu alaihe well edenia pone una RAB

[5:35]bana hab lana min as Regina was early a Tina for Raja

[5:39]yong hwa journal in muta tina a mama and those who say

[5:46]RAB bana haplin I'm in a sewage inna away the retina oh

[5:49]allah grant us from our spouses and from our children joy for

[5:55]our eyes was all nod and would subpoena ammama so you see

[6:02]that there is this insistence on having a family having a healthy

[6:07]family dealing with the family in a proper way and the family

[6:14]is a major theme in the quran why the first reason is

[6:18]because humans are naturally in need of a family humans naturally need

[6:22]to socialize you need to speak with someone you need to talk

[6:28]with someone Allah subhana Allah created us with desires we have social

[6:32]desires we have physical desires we have spiritual desires we have psychological

[6:40]desires all of these desires will be satisfied then the family this

[6:44]is one reason because we are naturally in need of having a

[6:49]family and another reason is because through the family you will be

[6:53]able to reach your highest potential as a human being as one

[7:00]person you are limited you could only do so much but once

[7:03]you're married you will be able to achieve higher goals you will

[7:09]be able to reach higher potentials stronger you will become stronger your

[7:14]voice will be heard you will be able to achieve much more

[7:17]and this is why allah subhanaw taala describes in the quran how

[7:24]the prophets of allah they used to always do the art to

[7:27]have a family now why would a prophet of God do the

[7:31]are to have family why would a prophet of God do to

[7:35]are to have children because the Prophet understands that in order to

[7:39]fulfill their mission properly they have to start with the family because

[7:42]the Prophet understands that it's through the family that their voice is

[7:47]going to be multiplied and the voice is going to be heard

[7:53]as why prophet ibrahim alaih-is-salaam at an old age Allah subhana WA

[7:59]Ta'ala gave him his two sons s ma real and ha al

[8:02]hamdulillah Halevy waha belly a little curious Marie Louis hark he says

[8:08]all praise is due to Allah who granted me my children at

[8:14]an old age a little kebab and nabila Samia adore my Lord

[8:18]answers all of my daughters My Lord listens to what I ask

[8:24]and then he doesn't stop there he wasn't just satisfied and content

[8:28]that Allah gave him children he says or Abedini movie muscle at

[8:33]women the Raiatea bennewitz a cappella when he asks allah subhana wa

[8:38]ta'ala to give him the privilege and the opportunity to pray he

[8:44]says o allah give that to me and give it to my

[8:49]family as well in another verse Allah talks about Prophet Zechariah a

[8:53]salam prophet zechariah also reached an the age and he didn't have

[8:58]children and this is in the beginning of surat maryam chapter 19

[9:01]cough ha yeah I ain't sod the croa matira beach ahaab de

[9:09]who's a Korea allah subhanaw taala begins by speaking about the mercy

[9:14]that Allah subhana WA Ta'ala bestowed upon Prophet Zechariah alehissalaam if na

[9:19]da ba who need ah and keffiyeh he goes in the mihrab

[9:27]and he asks his Lord a silent prayer na da and graffia

[9:30]no one knew what was in the heart of the Korea other

[9:34]than Allah subhana WA Ta'ala if na da da ba who need

[9:40]ah and keffiyeh cholera beanie huahin olavo many was Tyler what sushi

[9:46]bar Wellum a combi da acara be Sofia where in the pistol

[9:51]mahalia men were our Eve Aconitum Raji Arthur on Philemon ladunka waliyan

[9:59]yur a Sunni why are you so mean Ali are hoob was

[10:04]all horrible the he says o Allah give me I'm an old

[10:10]man and my wife she cannot have children we've been married for

[10:13]such a long time and she hasn't been getting pregnant but oh

[10:16]Allah give me give me a child happily min ladunka waliyan Yasuni

[10:25]to inherit me why are assumed in a Jakub and he inherits

[10:29]from Jakub and then he said what what he says what Julia

[10:33]make him be someone who you are satisfied with this is a

[10:38]very important da the prophets they don't just ask a lot to

[10:41]have children to have a progeny they ask a lot to have

[10:46]healthy sound children in physical health and in spiritual health this is

[10:51]the most important thing because the prophets understand that the only way

[10:56]they could deliver their message is through a family through having children

[11:02]through their offspring and this is why a brahim Ali said I'm

[11:05]you see Ibrahim he's always doing the art for the ryokan the

[11:10]women Allah gives him the position of Imam he says what about

[11:13]my children he's always worried about his family because he knows that

[11:17]it's through his family that he's going to spread to hate and

[11:21]this is the same thing with rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa rasuluh ma

[11:26]spread the religion of Islam through his family through his wife Khadijah

[11:30]through his daughter Fatima through his son-in-law Amir and Minnie and through

[11:34]his grandchildren Imam and Hassan and demand Hussein and this is why

[11:37]it was sort of like he tells mom and her saying he

[11:41]says about imam hussain for saying on mini when I'm in Hussain

[11:46]habala home and Hasina her saying is from me that's not enough

[11:50]and I am from her saying my religion and my mission and

[11:56]my legacy will be complete through a sane and then he says

[11:59]may Allah love the one who loves her saying so we see

[12:04]that the Quran insists on the family and the prophets of Allah

[12:07]they insisted on the family but today how our families today amongst

[12:13]us what is the situation with families today today you see many

[12:20]families falling apart the divorce rate is high many families are crumbling

[12:25]many individuals cannot get along with one another and when a family

[12:30]falls apart when two people they split with one another that means

[12:33]society begins to crumble that means society begins to fall apart the

[12:40]fabric of society is destroyed today how many houses in the United

[12:45]States are raised by one parent are led by one parent when

[12:48]a house is led by one parent now yes maybe the mother

[12:54]she could do she could do more than 110 percent you could

[12:56]do more than what she what she's supposed to do maybe the

[13:00]father could do more than what he's supposed to do however Allah

[13:04]subhana Allah created us and a child in the house is supposed

[13:09]to be with the father and with a mother a child is

[13:11]in need of a father and a mother now someone might say

[13:16]yes I could fill in that position yes no one's saying you

[13:18]can't fill that position but the child is in seed of something

[13:22]that you will not be able to provide because no one could

[13:25]fill the shoes of another person a mother cannot fill the shoes

[13:30]of the father and the father cannot fill the shoes of the

[13:34]mother this is why in Islam divorce and separation allah subhanaw taala

[13:40]makes it very difficult it's so easy to get married in Islam

[13:46]especially in the Shia school of thoughts witnesses are recommended it's much

[13:49]to have to have witnesses when you get married however would divorce

[13:54]witnesses are required and they're a condition for the divorce to be

[13:59]complete to be valid and they have to be true added witnesses

[14:02]they have to be true just witnesses meaning you have to find

[14:06]two individuals that are added that are just that they're the the

[14:10]qualifications of adalah applied to them and they have to hear the

[14:13]divorce in front of them that's when the divorce will take place

[14:18]allah subhanaw taala makes divorce difficult not to make the lives of

[14:24]individuals difficult but to preserve the fabric of society to preserve the

[14:29]family this is why allah subhanaw taala gives solutions whenever there is

[14:35]disagreements within the family when in fifth on shikaka and Baena Homa

[14:39]vibrato ha commandant Ali wah ha command min Allah ha if you

[14:44]are afraid that they're fighting in their disagreement disagreeing with one another

[14:47]bring jihad come bring the judge from his family and bring the

[14:52]judge from her family you see this is how far the religion

[14:54]of Islam goes to preserve family because when a family is preserved

[14:59]then society will be preserved then everyone will feel safe everyone and

[15:04]everything will be preserved and it's highly recommended and highly rewarding to

[15:11]bring two people together if you see two people they are at

[15:17]the edge of divorce they're not doing well with one another try

[15:20]to get involved try to bring them together according to the hadith

[15:23]a sloth that'll bein higher on Manama to salat-u-salam if you bring

[15:30]two people that are in disagreement you bring them together this is

[15:34]better than fasting and if you're able to unite two people that

[15:38]are not doing well with one another but today we find some

[15:45]in some communities if that we hear of a divorce or a

[15:48]fight going on between a husband and a wife there are some

[15:50]people they come and they fuel the fight they come and they

[15:54]add to it they go to the girl they tell her yeah

[15:55]go ahead divorce him do this and do that they go to

[15:59]the guy and they tell him things to make it worse instead

[16:04]of trying to reconcile instead of trying to bring them together this

[16:07]is what our religion expects from us and as a religious institution

[16:12]as mosques as places of worship we have a duty to teach

[16:15]people what it means to be married what are the rights what

[16:21]are the regulations when it comes to getting married you know I

[16:24]have many people they come to me they say say it we

[16:26]want to do the cosmic table we want to get married and

[16:27]they want they're on a rush they just want to fill it

[16:32]they want they want to do it and leave I tell them

[16:35]wait do you want to hear about what are the responsibilities of

[16:37]a husband to the wife do you want to hear about what

[16:41]are the responsibilities and duties of a wife towards the husband some

[16:45]people they say they listen and other people they say say it

[16:48]we have to go we have to get ready for the party

[16:52]and then sooner or later you hear that there's a fight that

[16:55]has broken out why because they did not know what they were

[17:01]getting themselves into they just want to check something on their bucket

[17:04]list I got married do you even know what you're getting yourself

[17:08]into do you even know what are the rules what are the

[17:11]responsibilities of the husband towards the wife what are the responsibilities of

[17:15]the wife to the husband what are the duties when you get

[17:17]married because marriage is a contract it's a it's a relationship it's

[17:25]a contract and who's making you halal with one another allah subhanaw

[17:29]taala when you are bringing allah as the third party allah is

[17:33]making your hollande with one another and when allah makes your halal

[17:36]with one another allah has restrictions Allah has rules Allah says this

[17:41]is expected from the husband and this is expected from the wife

[17:45]this is expected from you as a parent this is expected from

[17:47]you as a son or as a to your parents there are

[17:51]rules there are regulations but a lot of people don't know that

[17:55]and when they don't know that then you see families and marriages

[17:58]they begin to fall apart now what are the major reasons what

[18:06]are some reasons the major reasons why families are falling apart in

[18:10]this era and this time in this contemporary time that we're living

[18:13]in I summarized them to five major points solana muhammad wa ala

[18:18]muhammad the first major reason why marriages and families begin to fall

[18:31]apart is selfishness if someone is going to be selfish in a

[18:40]relationship then the whole family is going to suffer the whole family

[18:43]is going to suffer because one person decides on being selfish and

[18:48]a family when we say family we mean you enjoy life with

[18:53]one another you eat with one another you go through difficulties with

[18:56]one another you go through challenges with one another but there are

[19:00]some people there willing to be on a vacation there willing to

[19:04]have fun but as soon as things get difficult right away they

[19:08]back though they back out right away they say I don't want

[19:12]to be involved this is selfishness this is being selfish and a

[19:16]selfish person is not only going to destroy their own family they're

[19:20]going to destroy society a selfish person is someone who doesn't care

[19:25]you see for example a father he goes and he gets his

[19:31]wife pregnant and he doesn't care he goes he travels he does

[19:33]whatever he wants to do she's pregnant she has to take care

[19:36]of the kids she has to take care of the family while

[19:38]he's doing whatever he wants to do this is selfish this is

[19:44]not taking his share in the relationship there are some guys every

[19:47]night they want to go out and smoke shisha every night they

[19:51]want to go out they want a party they want to smoke

[19:53]shisha but then they also want to get married you either choose

[19:57]the marriage life or you choose the single life you can't have

[19:59]both if you want to have both you want to make your

[20:04]marriage a nightmare and you're going to make your wife's marriage a

[20:07]nightmare her life a nightmare or sometimes you see it's the other

[20:11]way around it's not always the man sometimes you see and this

[20:16]I hear about this many times the husband he's gone to work

[20:19]from morning until night the moment he comes home she tells him

[20:24]do this and do that do this and do that thinking only

[20:27]about herself not considering what he's going through not considering the challenges

[20:31]not considering all that he's putting into the marriage into the relationship

[20:36]right away she tells him do this and do that being very

[20:43]selfish expecting from your partner what they cannot tolerate one day mom

[20:49]olly olly salaam he comes to the home he comes to the

[20:51]home and he sees fatima az-zahra alehissalaam she's home with the children

[20:57]but there's no food so he asks her Oh Fatima there's no

[21:03]food she tells him o Amir al-mumineen there was nothing in the

[21:09]house there was nothing in the house for me to cook food

[21:11]he tells her Oh Fatima why didn't you tell me she tells

[21:16]him Oh Amir al-mumineen oh my husband when we first got married

[21:20]and I sort of why he came and he told me logically

[21:23]fie man IOT you don't come and expect something from your husband

[21:30]that he cannot do and I know that you if you are

[21:32]able to you're going to bring food to the house but if

[21:36]you can't bring I'm not going to make your life miserable and

[21:38]expect something from you that you cannot do I know you always

[21:42]bring but when you don't bring it doesn't mean that you chose

[21:45]not to bring it means that that day you couldn't bring anything

[21:47]and I'm not going to make your life miserable so the hadith

[21:52]says that Amir al-mumineen he left the house he left the house

[21:57]in the middle of day and he went and he borrowed a

[22:00]Dharan he borrowed a Derham to buy food for the family he

[22:04]borrowed it as he was walking back home I mean he saw

[22:11]one of his companions and one of his friends by the name

[22:14]of Dallas he saw him dad outside as well so he tells

[22:19]my dad Olmec dad what are you doing outside right now it

[22:24]was probably at a time during the day where no one is

[22:25]out during that time it's hot no one is out everyone's resting

[22:30]my dad tells him oh I mean I mean don't you know

[22:35]I don't want to have to answer you I mean I mean

[22:36]he tells him what's wrong tell me why are you out during

[22:40]this day and look dad says I left my home and my

[22:44]children were crying so I came out to find something for them

[22:47]to eat I came out to find something to take home to

[22:51]the family I'm your own minion right away he takes that dirt

[22:54]hem that he had borrowed and he gives it to UNMIK dad

[22:58]because I mean he knows that fatima az-zahra is not going to

[23:01]cause a fuss she's not going to cause a problem if I

[23:05]mean minion goes home empty-handed that day because she knows he tried

[23:09]his best and Allah speaks about this family where you're thorough now

[23:13]I'm pushing him 100 can I be him Kasasa what does this

[23:20]mean Allah describes the believers those who compromise those who take away

[23:24]from themselves from their own pleasure for other people this is what

[23:28]makes a sound Society and this is what makes a healthy family

[23:33]someone who's not selfish someone who's willing to give for the sake

[23:37]of others someone who doesn't care only about their own interest and

[23:40]this is what we're learning from imam hussain ali salaam a man

[23:46]who sacrificed his life and his family and his children and everything

[23:49]he has for the sake of faith for the sake of the

[23:52]greater good of the community so here's the difference some people are

[24:00]self selfish and other people are selfless and everyone loves the one

[24:05]who's selfless the one who is not selfish the one who doesn't

[24:11]only focus on their own pleasure and satisfaction this is the first

[24:17]point being selfish it destroys marriages it destroys families the second is

[24:24]when there is an error in communication there's communication problems you find

[24:28]some families you find some marriages as soon as they fight with

[24:33]one another as soon as there is an agreement they don't talk

[24:35]to one another sometimes days weeks months pass and they're not talking

[24:42]to one another if you're not talking to one another how do

[24:44]you expect to reconcile how do you expect to fix things if

[24:48]you're not going to talk to on another this is one and

[24:50]second some people try to talk but they can't talk every time

[24:56]they go and they talk five minutes later what does it become

[24:59]a fight it becomes a fight they go and they start talking

[25:03]to one another but then five minutes later they start yelling at

[25:07]each other and it turns into a fight now communication is key

[25:13]to any relationship to any healthy relationship at your work if you

[25:17]want to have a healthy time you want to keep your job

[25:19]you have to communicate yeah in the family and school wherever you

[25:24]are you have to communicate and this is why a loss of

[25:26]I know Tyler gave us the Bayon he gave us the ability

[25:31]to communicate ulema holy Bayon allah subhanaw taala gave us the ability

[25:36]to interact to communicate to speak but communication it's an art by

[25:41]itself there are some people that don't know how to communicate there

[25:45]are some people that they think communicating means just talking right some

[25:51]people they go and they say yeah I talked to my family

[25:57]all the time but the own the whole time he's talking he's

[26:00]never listening communication it means listening and speaking as well it doesn't

[26:06]only mean talking for some people communicating means just talking going and

[26:11]saying do this do that do this do that and I communicated

[26:13]with my family Imam Ali Ali sallam he describes a friend and

[26:20]one hadith he says Connolly FEMA maava a fun fella and he

[26:24]describes some of the qualities of his friend one of the qualities

[26:28]he says Wakana EDA vonabell Kalam Lemieux glabella sue Koontz my friend

[26:35]some say this was of manna bin my own one of the

[26:41]Friends of he says if he in a wooly banal column Lemieux

[26:44]cannibal soukous if he was a person if other people were better

[26:50]than him and talking no one was better than him and listening

[26:54]and Amir al-mumineen describes that as a very good quality to have

[26:57]what kind I am i yes MA AHA Rosman who Allah and

[27:03]Goethe column he was always careful to listen before speaking this is

[27:09]a very important trait to have this is a very important a

[27:15]good quality to have in every field that you are whether it's

[27:17]your family whether it's your work whether it's your business whether anything

[27:21]that you're doing be a person who is listening who wants to

[27:28]see listening and the famous saying says that if speaking a silver

[27:35]then silence is golden silence is golden listen when you listen this

[27:39]brings the hikmah this brings the wisdom of course communicating is an

[27:45]art it's a challenge because every person communicates in a different way

[27:51]and in a relationship it's always the man that has a difficult

[27:58]task communicating for the man communicating is very difficult you know sometimes

[28:04]a man he goes to his wife and he tells her this

[28:05]dress makes you look good she'll tell him so does that mean

[28:11]my other dress doesn't make me look good or today you are

[28:13]very beautiful she tells him does that mean yesterday I was not

[28:15]beautiful this dress makes you look skinny are you calling me fat

[28:23]this is a challenge and a lot of people go through this

[28:26]challenge this is why communicating it's an art it's a skill to

[28:32]have some people are very good at it and some people are

[28:34]not good at it there's an author by the name of Gary

[28:40]Chapman he wrote a book by the name of the five love

[28:42]languages the five languages of love the five love languages and in

[28:50]that book he talks about how everyone needs their own type of

[28:56]communication maybe my what the love that I want is different from

[28:58]the love that my wife wants but I come and I treat

[29:01]my wife the same way that I like to be treated everyone

[29:04]has something different everyone in a relationship they have a different type

[29:09]of communication there are different ways of communicating your love communicating what

[29:15]this person needs and a marriage is an institute where everyone should

[29:20]feel satisfied everyone should feel pleased so he mentions that there are

[29:26]five languages of love the first as words of affirmation what does

[29:32]this mean this means you tell this person you know this dress

[29:35]looks very good on you this suit looks very nice on you

[29:40]thank you very much for what you did you look very you

[29:44]know saying something that this person is going to be pleased with

[29:47]I appreciate what you're doing some people this is what makes them

[29:53]happy after working after doing whatever they do they just need someone

[29:56]to come and tell them thank you I appreciate what you're doing

[29:58]and this is what islam teaches us this is what the Quran

[30:01]teaches us Mel mu L math Luke let me ask your uncle

[30:06]if you have to always appreciate you have to always thank the

[30:09]one who's doing anything good and if you don't appreciate you don't

[30:15]show thanks to the creation it means you have not showed thanks

[30:18]to the Creator this is one a second is to spend quality

[30:25]time with your family some people all they want is someone to

[30:28]sit with them eat with them have lunch have dinner spend time

[30:33]with them sometimes this is all it takes to keep the relationship

[30:36]going to keep the relationship healthy to spend time with them to

[30:40]talk with them to spend quality time with them we're not just

[30:45]talking about spending just time just sitting with a person sit have

[30:50]dinner have lunch you know in the United States very few people

[30:54]I read that around 40% eat and sit and have lunch and

[31:01]dinner with one another everyone else they're standing while they're having dinner

[31:05]they're walking while they're on their way to work they're eating at

[31:09]at work at school never sitting as a family and gathering with

[31:12]one another and studies show that families that eat with one another

[31:18]that sit with one another their chances of staying together are going

[31:21]to be much stronger they're going to be with one another spending

[31:24]quality time with one another sitting and talking talk about current events

[31:29]talk about some things that that are going on this is considered

[31:33]spending time with one another and this is something that is recommended

[31:38]also in Islam but sort of la semilla Holly who Alan he

[31:45]tells his companions Lee Baca yaha Duke Amanda F Val min Alexa

[31:48]cough fema's Judy ha de he says for someone to spend quality

[31:54]time with their family this is better than EPSA cough three days

[31:58]of worship three days of fasting and the masjid of rasulullah salallahu

[32:02]alaihe wa for someone to spend one hour with their family so

[32:06]this is quality time third receiving gifts there are some people there

[32:13]what they call today is gold diggers right they want to receive

[32:17]gifts that's what keeps them happy that's what keeps their relationship going

[32:21]if the gifts are stopped then that means something's going to be

[32:28]very wrong in the relationship very soon the gifts have to keep

[32:31]coming every few months you know you come it's your birthday it's

[32:33]our anniversary it's you know this and that the gifts have to

[32:38]keep coming sometimes the man they want the gifts sometimes the woman

[32:41]they want the gifts and there's nothing wrong with giving gifts if

[32:47]a person realizes that their partner what keeps them happy is to

[32:51]give them gifts what's wrong with that you give a gift it's

[32:55]not going to it's not going to make your life miserable especially

[32:57]for a husband he has to spend on his wife whether he

[33:02]likes it or not so he could consider it as a gift

[33:05]it's a part of the naka and according to the hadith of

[33:08]imam sadiq ali has said i'm he says aha do two habu

[33:12]once you give a gift this will strengthen the relationship not only

[33:17]with you know a husband and a wife with friends with family

[33:21]members extended family giving a gift is a good thing it will

[33:25]bring the love in the relationship it is narrated that one day

[33:29]a group of people they came to Imam Ali Ali Salaam and

[33:34]they brought him a gift Oh Tia aaliyan alayhis-salam be Hadi attend

[33:40]a ruse it was the event of Nowruz narrows the new year

[33:46]so the the beginning of the spring so they came and they

[33:49]brought him an ally a gift vittala alayhis-salam maja de he says

[33:53]what is this they tell him yeah Amir al-mumineen Ali ohm and

[33:58]Nehru om Iran meaning today is no rules today's news it's the

[34:04]beginning of the new year so Amir al-mumineen jokingly he said yes

[34:08]now Elena could lay almond arrows like every day being a rose

[34:11]for us let every day be no ruse for us and meaning

[34:14]that what the gifts keep coming and of course no ruse means

[34:20]a beginning of a new day and where he's saying this true

[34:22]every day is a new day every day that allah subhanaw taala

[34:25]gives you the ability to wake up this is a new day

[34:28]by Imam Ali once he saw that a gift came jokingly he

[34:33]said let every day be on a new day let every day

[34:37]be no rose so this is one of the love languages when

[34:39]you give a gift this is going to strengthen the relationship forth

[34:47]for some they don't care about the gift they don't care about

[34:51]the quality time they want acts of service acts of service meaning

[34:55]one day the husband in order to make his wife happy let

[35:01]him go and you know for example clean the whole garage let

[35:03]him go and clean the basement let him do something as a

[35:08]service in the house of course this doesn't mean that this is

[35:10]the job of the wife you know a lot of people especially

[35:14]in our cultures they think that the chores in the house the

[35:17]cleaning the cooking these are automatically that this is automatically the task

[35:22]of the wife no no one said that it needs to be

[35:26]shared and sometimes an acts of service for example the wife she

[35:29]helps her husband and something that is in his field she comes

[35:34]and she helps him this is going to make the relationship stronger

[35:37]sometimes the husband he comes and he helps the wife and something

[35:45]that is in her field as well and finally physical touch some

[35:48]people they need you know a hug every once in a while

[35:53]to hold their hands this is also a language of love this

[35:55]is a way of communicating and this is how to keep the

[36:02]relationship healthy so we spoke about certain things that destroy the marriage

[36:05]the first is being selfish the second is lack of proper communication

[36:10]and these were five ways to communicate properly now there's a third

[36:15]thing that also destroys relationships in this current era a contemporary challenge

[36:22]that many marriages and many relationships are dealing with and that is

[36:29]the existence of social media the existence of the iPhone the phones

[36:35]Facebook whatsapp these social media apps are meant to bring us to

[36:41]communicate with one another meant to bring us to socialize with one

[36:43]another it's meant to bring us all closer to one another but

[36:47]you see that it's bringing the people who are supposed to be

[36:51]close with one another very far from one another because of Facebook

[36:54]because of whatsapp because of Twitter because of Instagram because of what's

[37:00]the name of the other one snapchat because of snapchat so you

[37:08]see that it's making relationships be destroyed it's destroying relationships and this

[37:14]is a problem I read a study that people on average spend

[37:21]at least 50 minutes a day on Facebook 50 minutes are gone

[37:25]just by scrolling scrolling okay this person did this in their life

[37:30]this person said this this person that that you go to Instagram

[37:32]after Facebook and then you go and you see okay this is

[37:34]what they had for lunch this is what they had for dinner

[37:37]this is the new dress she was wearing this is this in

[37:39]the wasting time sitting and wasting time after you put the phone

[37:46]down you come and you see what did I right now during

[37:49]this hour during this hour and a half I didn't achieve anything

[37:52]another way that social media is destroying families is because there's no

[37:59]privacy anymore everything in their life from what they ate where they

[38:03]went out on their vacation what did they do today what did

[38:08]they have for breakfast lunch dinner everything is meant for the whole

[38:12]world to see it takes away anything special what's unique let left

[38:16]for the family if I'm going to post everything for the whole

[38:19]world to see then what have I left for the family what's

[38:24]going to remain private so this is also challenge also another thing

[38:29]you know the selfie you bring to your phone and you hold

[38:33]it in front of your face and you take a picture I

[38:35]was reading the study about this it says that this is unhealthy

[38:43]why because when you take a selfie who action who gets to

[38:46]see you this close you know when you put the phone right

[38:48]here who gets to see you this close usually strangers or your

[38:54]friends outside when they're saying Salam to you when they're talking to

[38:57]you they're standing at least three feet away from you but when

[38:59]you come and you have a your picture from this angle very

[39:06]close this is an intimate picture that only people who are close

[39:08]to you have the right to see but when you come and

[39:10]you're showing the whole world from that angle and from that very

[39:16]closeness this could be a problem potentially I'm not saying every selfie

[39:19]is haram we're not selling for use to say selfie is Haram

[39:22]but selfie it might cause problems and this is generally social media

[39:31]as a whole it is something that you need to be aware

[39:34]of we're not saying it's haram to have social media not have

[39:37]it use it in the proper way use it in the halal

[39:38]way make sure it's monitored especially if you have children today a

[39:44]lot of people you know their children they have access to everything

[39:47]they could talk to people 5,000 miles away and they don't even

[39:50]know it this destroys families this destroys relationships so this is the

[39:55]third challenge a fourth challenge to relationships and marriage and family as

[40:02]when someone is lying lying there's a disease it destroys any relationship

[40:10]and also destroys the relationship of the family it destroys marriages nmif

[40:15]tauriel Kathy Bell Idina na minha bi Attila the ones who lie

[40:22]there are the ones who do not believe in Allah subhana WA

[40:24]Ta'ala this is what the Quran says wha a camel can be

[40:30]born when you are lying you're taking away the trust from people

[40:33]no one is going to be able to trust you no one

[40:37]is going to be able to listen to you no one's going

[40:40]to be able to accept what you say now if a stranger

[40:44]does not trust me this is not a big deal but if

[40:45]your family does not trust you anymore then this is a major

[40:51]problem when the wife does not trust her husband when the husband

[40:53]cannot trust his wife this is a major problem and it destroys

[40:58]relationships it destroys relationships when you are lying it's going to sooner

[41:06]or later you're going to get caught that's one a lot of

[41:08]people that lied they think that they're never going to get caught

[41:12]know sooner or later you're going to get caught and second be

[41:16]truthful and you will find the Allah will be there for you

[41:18]be truthful even if it's something that goes against you be truthful

[41:25]and you will find a solution fifth and finally anger being angry

[41:30]this destroys the relationships someone who's a short-tempered person someone who no

[41:37]one could talk to this person as soon as they say anything

[41:39]to them right away they begin yelling right away they begin yelling

[41:42]and they become angry and this is a problem this is a

[41:50]problem for everyone and it makes you someone who no one could

[41:52]tolerate you not only does it make people not want to be

[41:57]around this person who's angry it's going to destroy your health someone

[42:00]who's angry you see the doctor will tell them you have stress

[42:03]you have diabetes you have blood pressure you have this and that

[42:08]because you're always angry you're ruining your own life according to a

[42:12]hadith from a solid line says Allah Bob you've said only me

[42:15]c'mon you fiddle can Alison he says anger destroys your face just

[42:23]like vinegar destroys honey and another hadith wannabe Abdullah alayhi Salam he

[42:31]tells him Mack tube Fatah at FEMA Naja azzawajal be he Musa

[42:34]Allah tells Musa and a hadith Qudsi he tells him ya Musa

[42:41]am sick rava become man malakut alayka a coup for ankitha Bobby

[42:45]he says o Musa control your anger from someone who do you

[42:52]have the ability to be angry with this person I will control

[42:55]my anger with you I'm not going to be angry with you

[43:00]and of course some people they they can't control it but there

[43:03]are ways to deal with anger you know you could go and

[43:08]take an anger management class you could go it's recommended to do

[43:12]with loo when you're angry go wash your face go take a

[43:16]walk do something go and pray do something that will take your

[43:19]mind off of what you're thinking about because it's our thoughts that

[43:23]control our mood which controls our actions so from the beginning control

[43:28]your thoughts control what's in your mind don't put yourself in a

[43:32]position where you're going to be angry so that the anger will

[43:38]not destroy you and destroy other people around you now is anger

[43:44]always a bad thing no sometimes anger is good being angry for

[43:49]the sake of Allah is a good thing a goblin la standing

[43:54]and going against people for the sake of God for the sake

[43:57]of higher values for the sake of principles there is nothing wrong

[44:03]with that and this is what Imam Hussain on his Salam did

[44:05]ma'am and Hussain some people they tell him what's wrong with you

[44:08]just give bear why do you have to be so you know

[44:11]stubborn why do you have to stand against your seed come and

[44:15]give bear I'm here and I'm in her saying he says no

[44:17]here I'm not going to compromise my faith I'm willing to spill

[44:23]my own blood I'm willing to harm my own family and my

[44:25]children and put them in harm's way but I'm not going to

[44:29]sacrifice my faith I'm not going to compromise my relationship with my

[44:33]lord and this is why Imam Husayn stood against his heed and

[44:37]this is why a handful of individuals were with imam hussain alehissalaam

[44:42]and one of them was Al Qasimi neelima min Hasan alehissalaam awesome

[44:47]the son of imam al hassan ali sanam a mammal hassan passed

[44:53]away he was poisoned ten years before Ashura awesome was a young

[45:00]child three years old perhaps he came in the custody of him

[45:03]a meal per se analysis on imam hussain raised them Imam Hussain

[45:07]help them and I'm insane was there for him and on the

[45:14]nights of Ashura Imam Hussain he tells everyone tomorrow if everyone who

[45:19]remains will be killed and cause him he doesn't know whether he's

[45:23]going to be included with the man or he's with the children

[45:26]because he was at an age where he was in between either

[45:30]with the children or with the men he was 13 years old

[45:33]so I'm Qasim he raises his hands and he asks a mammal

[45:38]Husein he tells him o my dear uncle will I also be

[45:42]killed tomorrow a mammal for saying he asked Samia Qasim k Fatah

[45:50]remote oh gosh how do you perceive death and Qasim he replies

[45:56]to imam and for saying he tells him fino surah tikka lamb

[46:02]in an awesome in aiding you death is sweeter than honey than

[46:06]a mammal hussain tells him yes o Qasim you will be killed

[46:13]tomorrow and do you know who else will be killed tomorrow even

[46:16]my son Abdullah Ravi he will also be a martyr tomorrow and

[46:25]Qasim alehissalaam on the day of our Shore he came to ask

[46:30]for permission from him I'm insane to go out into the borrow

[46:36]a mammoth Jose Nadia Salam he tells him okaasan and turn wadiya

[46:41]to manake Oh Carson you are the Sun you are the light

[46:44]you are the remaining son of my brother a mammoth Hassan when

[46:49]I look at you I remember my brother Hassan and Qasim kept

[46:53]insisting until a mammal saying gave him permission to go out and

[47:03]fight and possum II said his farewell to mammoth Hussein a mammoth

[47:08]Hussein he tells him all my dear pass him go and enter

[47:11]into the tent and ask your mother for permission go and say

[47:18]your final farewell to your mother to the woman to your aunt

[47:21]he goes in he says his permission he says his farewell his

[47:29]mother gives him permission they begin to cry they tell the Hemi

[47:34]I am Arahama Roberta ha oh god Sam who will remain after

[47:41]you and Qasimi was determined he goes out into the middle of

[47:45]the battle and he begins to announce who he is he begins

[47:51]reciting the epic intone tyranny fana nodular Hassan safe then a BL

[47:58]Mustafa one more item and had a force a non Kenda Cyril

[48:06]Morton bein honest and a circle so abandon was on he goes

[48:13]out like the moon like a full moon he goes out and

[48:15]he begins to fight them courageously as he is fighting and cause

[48:21]him his sandal strap breaks he goes down to fix his sandal

[48:29]a wicked man he approaches him and he strikes him on his

[48:33]head and glass him falls to the ground and as he is

[48:40]falling he calls out yeah my uncle come to my aid a

[48:48]mammal Hussein he rushes to pass him he sees that al-qasim has

[48:52]passed away and he begins to cry and he begins to say

[49:02]yeah Azula and I am a canted or wolf Liu ji book

[49:08]o ug book carefully or a knock more than little men that's

[49:12]a nuke cosmo ha meow man the Amity jugde care WA a

[49:19]book ha ha ha human Kathuria watcher Oh what Kyle and a

[49:23]solo a mammal saying he carries and Qasim and they noticed that

[49:30]the feet of Kasim are dragging on the ground what does this

[49:34]mean my dear brothers and sisters this mean that the back of

[49:40]imam al-hussein was broken with the loss of cos and he came

[49:44]and he placed them in the tents next rally in akbar he

[49:50]begins to cry for a lien act but on one side and

[49:52]on another side he cries fur Qasim Ramla the mother of Qasim

[50:00]she was waiting outside the tent she was embarrassed to enter and

[50:04]cry in front of him a man who say Nadia Salah so

[50:09]a mammal for shame he knew that his mother was waiting outside

[50:12]so he left and she came she not she saw over the

[50:18]head of her beloved son and she begins to cry foreign Qasim

[50:22]everyone recite with me what the mother of a gosh and she

[50:35]began to tell her son al-qasim I am oh gosh my dear

[50:39]son Fossum my dear son Carson Sam Oh Sam my dear son

[50:57]fashion my dear son fashion my dear son Qasim everyone who site

[51:08]with me and let your voice reached the bethey on the grave

[51:11]of imam al hasan alehissalaam so he hears that you are mourning

[51:15]his son al-qasim gosh Sam oh uh Sam my dear son Bassam

[51:29]my dear son fast and my dear son Carson you are my

[51:38]flowers you are the joy my you are my flower you are

[51:53]the joy of my [Music] my heart is heavy but the time

[52:13]has come to answer the calls of your lonely uncle who has

[52:20]been left all [Music] Onan Caribana bust em Oh awesome my dear

[52:40]son faster my dear son fast and bust-a-move awesome my dear son

[52:56]fashion my dear son father when you fell and were slain my

[53:03]heartfelt Arts great when you fell and were slain my heart fell

[53:17]such great band you honored your father there and brought pride to

[53:31]your mother possum Oh awesome my dear son fashion I am oh

[53:46]gosh and my dear son fashion when you see the profit tell

[54:00]him I left my mother all alone when you see the profit

[54:07]tell him I left my mother all alone with my and they

[54:21]woman and children and I say mocassin dear son oh I said

[54:38]you are my flower you are the joy of my you are

[54:47]the shining star that did not Raymond I say mo Isom my

[55:00]dear son father bust em Oh awesome my dear son Casas [Music]

[55:15]assalamo you can about abdullah assalamu alayka wa ala lara and letting

[55:27]let's be finish one of such be raffling a lady coming nice

[55:32]and I'm a better mother paid to about the LA ha ha

[55:40]well I don't want MA so I like him in need Lizzie

[55:46]are watching come as Salaam oh la la I lived insane oh

[56:01]well I love insane well in our what Menino and me not

[56:08]know Hadid so I've been fat your hammer also the words

0 Comments

Volgende

5 Things That Destroy a Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini - Lecture 7- Muharram 1440/ 2018

Transcript

Volgende

Ontdek meer

Houd er rekening mee dat als u jonger bent dan 18 jaar, u geen toegang kunt krijgen tot deze site.

Volgende

5 Things That Destroy a Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini - Lecture 7- Muharram 1440/ 2018

Transcript

Volgende

Ontdek meer

Kies een betaal methode

Taal