3 Tips for Successful Parenting | Sr Isra Altayar

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Noor Islamic Education
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Parenting is a wonderful journey, but all parents need help. Sr Isra Altayar presents 3 Islamic tips supported by current studies. #parenting

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[0:02][Applause] [Music] what is the framework of parenting when we consider it

[0:28]from a psychological and Islamic perspective before I start this I want

[0:33]to ask you a few questions to consider when you embarked on

[0:36]the Journey of parenting did you promise yourself that you will not

[0:40]make some of the mistakes that your parents made did you say

[0:46]to yourself that I will not be a shouty parent and do

[0:48]you find yourself now maybe repeating some of the behaviors your parents

[0:55]made or even find yourself shouting more than you ever thought you

[0:59]would or want to just to get your chance to listen to

[1:03]you if that's the case then inshallah this will be of benefit

[1:05]I can't even begin to show you or explain what impact parenting

[1:14]has on children I've seen the impact of negative parenting Styles and

[1:21]what it leads to from anger resentment mental health struggles and even

[1:25]the loss of Faith or identity struggle in the child our busy

[1:30]lives are are impacting our children more than ever before but we

[1:33]must take back our sense of responsibility as parents no teachers nannies

[1:40]grandparents therapists or mentors will ever replace the place of a parent

[1:45]for sure these are amazing supporting roles but they're not parenting roles

[1:52]and what I'm saying today isn't to instill fear in people children

[1:59]are one of the biggest most beautiful blessing that Allah gives to

[2:03]us and the joy that he gives to us as parents and

[2:07]you will truly appreciate these words if you've ever encountered someone who

[2:11]has not been able to have children and so when Allah gives

[2:17]us such a beautiful blessing let us be mindful to treasure and

[2:20]nurture them in the best way possible there are three key Frameworks

[2:25]that I wanted to discuss today that we must work on when

[2:30]it comes to parent ing in a mindful way number one that's

[2:33]knowing yourself and healing the biggest most challenging journey of parenting is

[2:42]actually looking at our own selves in the mirror our children will

[2:48]unveil to us our wounds our pains they will show us our

[2:52]triggers and of course while this is hard for us as parents

[2:58]it is also the biggest opportunity for for us to grow in

[3:01]ourselves and through that we are able to help our children grow

[3:06]parenting can sometimes be termed as parenting rather than childing because it's

[3:12]to do it mindfully we must start by observing our ownselves sometimes

[3:20]even reparenting ourselves overcoming traumas healing so that we don't pass baggages

[3:28]from our own upbringing to our children or allow intergenerational traumas to

[3:35]continue so yes parenting must start with ourselves Allah subh says in

[3:40]the Quran oh you who believe Ward or guard yourself yourselves and

[3:50]your families against fire notice here how Allah started with the focus

[3:56]on us before our children or our families you can never give

[4:00]from an empty Cup in a genuine way so investing in your

[4:07]own healing and growth is absolutely the best form and best way

[4:13]to parent mindfully inshallah number two and that is understanding and accepting

[4:19]your child's unique temperament or personality when we seek to understand our

[4:26]children we stop imposing our own desire desires onto them but rather

[4:31]encouraging them to thrive in their own unique way and skills We

[4:37]No Doubt as parents want the best for our children and we

[4:42]want them to be happier healthier more successful than us but we

[4:47]must ask ourself are we doing this based on on our own

[4:54]desires and understanding and are we doing it through control be it

[4:58]aggressively or through um guilt trapping or are we nurturing them inside

[5:04]out by connecting them with their inner F and unique skills that

[5:11]Allah subh has given to them it is usually our fears for

[5:18]our kids Faith success and happiness that leads us to controlling them

[5:22]rather than nurturing their own growth but we must learn lessons from

[5:27]our prophet and our imams in how they ra the umah and

[5:32]begin to implement those strategies in how we parent our children our

[5:36]Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was the to the world and

[5:43]he guided people to Faith through and of course his High character

[5:48]not through aggression or Force aggression or controlling parenting may lead of

[5:56]course to an obedient child when they are young in some cases

[6:00]but more often than not it leads to a defiant adult rebellious

[6:07]adult who holds so much resentment not only to the parent but

[6:12]even everything that the parent has taught them your child is unique

[6:20]and your child is special in their own temperament their own personalities

[6:26]their skills abilities their limitations and disabilities this is what makes your

[6:30]child beautiful and when we as parents begin to rid ourselves of

[6:39]our own limiting expectation of our children we begin to allow our

[6:44]children to flourish in their own unique way so that they give

[6:46]to the world in their own special way inshallah that was the

[6:53]second um important thing to consider the third part of the framework

[6:58]that we must consider is the way to nurture growth and parent

[7:02]mindfully while we can see so many beautiful joyous moments in our

[7:10]kids life from the first smile to the first words Awards achievements

[7:14]we will all face many hurdles along the way and that is

[7:18]okay over the last three years I have run a mindful mom's

[7:24]parenting membership PR program and one of the most common statements that

[7:28]I get is that it's reassuring to know I'm not alone I

[7:31]thought it was only me what I wanted to share here is

[7:38]that we all face similar challenges but when we choose to begin

[7:42]to face parenting in the correct Manner and be intentional and mindful

[7:47]in our actions and upbringing understand the psychological and Islamic framework of

[7:55]parenting then inshallah we are on a good journey to parent and

[7:57]give our children the best of what they need mindful parenting is

[8:03]knowing how to manage the good times as well as the challenges

[8:08]the best parenting strategy is when we begin to focus on connection

[8:13]with our children before trying to teach them textbooks or trying to

[8:19]control them or seeking even Perfection what I mean by connection is

[8:24]that you feed your child the love that they need that's where

[8:30]it all starts they love they need the love through physical connection

[8:34]mental connection spiritual connection the other thing that we also need to

[8:40]do is connect with them by seeking to understand through effective listening

[8:46]rather than just jumping into changing them instead we need to work

[8:54]on Guiding them to make the right decisions in their life connections

[8:57]means having a healthy balance between holding boundaries compassionately and giving autonomy

[9:06]and Independence to a child who naturally seeks it when we begin

[9:12]to understand and practice this art of parenting inshallah we are set

[9:18]to raise strong independent Faith connected and confident children that are ready

[9:26]for the future mindful parenting means our kids will grow up wanting

[9:32]us as adults rather than needing us and when we have done

[9:38]that inshallah we have succeeded in our parenting responsibility once we understand

[9:45]this framework of parenting through a healed parent perspective accepting and nurturing

[9:50]your child's unique nature and implementing mindful parenting strategies we can feel

[9:58]confident inshallah that we have done our part and we pray to

[10:01]Allah to guide them for the rest inshallah through this we have

[10:05]taken on our true responsibility as parents and inshallah if we do

[10:13]this we enjoy we actually begin to enjoy the parenting Journey seeing

[10:18]our children grow as healthy confident resilient faithful adults of the future

[10:24]that inshallah are ready to be amongst the companions of the Imam

[10:28]of our times something finally that we must remember throughout this three-step

[10:31]framework is the power of Dua we have so many quranic duas

[10:37]that we can learn and recite in our Salah not forgetting im's

[10:42]Dua for his sons and so many more and to always remember

[10:48]to rely on Allah throughout our own personal growth and in parenting

[10:54]our children and just remember what Allah says when he when he

[10:58]says in the Quran he is our guardian and he is the

[11:08]best of helpers inshallah [Applause] [Music]

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