27 - Responsibilities Within A Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

20 المشاهدات· 24/03/21

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[8:27][Music] foreign foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] alhamdulillah [Music] yes [Music] [Applause] I'm

[11:01]happy because [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]

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[19:33][Music] foreign foreign foreign has created the human being in the best

[21:42]form and Allah has placed everything at the disposal of the human

[21:53]being the environment is perfect for the human being the food the

[21:59]everything that you have around you Allah has made it for you

[22:06]the warmth the coolness the food that you eat the water that

[22:10]you drink all of that Allah has made it for you and

[22:15]from amongst the signs of God things that Allah has made for

[22:21]the well-being of the human being and for the reproduction of the

[22:27]human being and for the happiness of the human being is marriage

[22:31]having a family Allah has created two genders the male and the

[22:40]female and Allah says from amongst the signs of God he created

[22:48]out of you pairs so that you may find sukun tranquility now

[22:56]some people they say I'm married or I see other people that

[23:03]are married they're in a relationship but they don't have peace of

[23:07]mind in their relationship they don't have that succun they don't have

[23:10]that feeling of comfort the Allah talks about in a relationship and

[23:23]here there's a reason behind this and perhaps the most important reason

[23:30]is that many people who get married they don't know what marriage

[23:33]is all about they don't know what their responsibilities and duties and

[23:37]obligations are within a relationship many people when they want to get

[23:43]married they want the Instagram wedding they want a wedding a marriage

[23:49]so that they could just post pictures of and tell people this

[23:52]is my wedding this was my marriage they want to have a

[23:58]family that looks nice in the picture but in reality it's not

[24:02]very nice in reality it's not very peaceful in reality it's not

[24:09]very respectful within the relationship and one of the biggest problems we

[24:15]have right now is that many people their model marriage the marriage

[24:20]that they aspire to have the model wedding that they aspire to

[24:27]have this is a marriage that is fake this is a marriage

[24:30]in Hollywood this is a marriage that is done by actors and

[24:33]actresses and even the actors and the actresses they know this is

[24:39]fake but people they try to follow Hollywood thinking that that is

[24:43]what's going to bring them real happiness and real pleasure in life

[24:47]and then they end up not fulfilling the rights and the duties

[24:51]and the responsibilities of each other within the relationship so we see

[25:01]that today although Islam in the eyes of Islam marriage is very

[25:06]sacred but today marriage has lost its sanctity today there is no

[25:12]respect there is no love today you see many their marriages falling

[25:15]apart many of their marriage is crumbling and here what does Islam

[25:23]say when we look at the religion of Islam Allah does not

[25:27]just encourage people to get married yes there's an order Allah says

[25:40]that marriage is something that is recommended something that is from the

[25:46]Sunnah of rasulallah so marriage is recommended and it could also become

[25:56]worship it could become obligatory upon a person if someone is falling

[26:00]in the Haram because they're not married then the ruling changes from

[26:04]mustahab it becomes into wajib it becomes obligatory so this is one

[26:13]order however there's a second order and that is Allah doesn't just

[26:17]say go and get married Allah also wants you to have a

[26:23]happy marriage Allah wants you to have a successful marriage Allah wants

[26:28]you to be a happy person today some people they have the

[26:31]idea that Allah wants us to abide by certain laws even if

[26:36]that doesn't make me happy no you are entitled and you have

[26:39]the right to be happy in your life this is the whole

[26:43]purpose of religion this is the whole purpose of Islam as a

[26:45]religion is for you to be a happy person for you to

[26:50]live a good life and a good afterlife as well so this

[26:56]is why we see we have certain rules certain laws and the

[27:02]religion of Islam we have laws of interaction laws when it comes

[27:05]to ibadah laws when it comes to dealing with people and there

[27:10]are laws and rules when it comes to marriage there are responsibilities

[27:15]and duties because the moment you do the moment you do the

[27:20]akkad what does that mean that means you're entering into a contract

[27:24]you're entering into a contract and Allah is the third party that

[27:31]is bringing you making you Halal upon one another and also giving

[27:36]rights and responsibilities to every person and their relationship now some people

[27:44]they don't always like the laws of God some people object to

[27:47]the laws of Allah they say oh look at this Islam is

[27:51]a religion that is for example against women Islam is a religion

[27:54]that gives laws that are unfair to some people some people don't

[28:00]like the laws of Allah they would rather have their own laws

[28:04]and their own their own systems their own ways however we see

[28:10]that the laws of Allah they are the constant societies they're always

[28:18]changing a hundred years ago the perception of marriage was in one

[28:22]way right now the perception of marriage is another way right now

[28:25]with regards to gender with regards to so many things Society is

[28:28]changing fluctuating in the way they think but when it comes to

[28:35]the laws of Allah we see it's constant the day of judgment

[28:52]because Allah subhanahu ta'ala is the one who created us and Allah

[28:56]knows exactly what I need Allah knows my weakness Allah knows my

[29:00]strength Allah knows what is best for me and what is best

[29:06]for society as a whole right now you see many movements you

[29:11]see a movement that comes and says we want to give a

[29:13]feminist movement we want to give rights to a woman okay you

[29:17]came and you gave rights to women but then at the expense

[29:18]of the rights of men or at the expense of other members

[29:22]in society or some they come and they say no don't give

[29:25]women their rights it's only the rights of men they come and

[29:29]they do that at the expense of someone else has brought forth

[29:34]a system where everyone in society should feel respected and honored and

[29:40]yes there are rules There Are Rules today one of the biggest

[29:44]reasons why many marriages are struggling Sometimes some people one one year

[29:52]less than one year into getting married they call say it I'm

[29:56]having problems why because one of the biggest reasons for problems in

[30:02]a marriage in a relationship is that they did not know what

[30:06]they were signing up for a lot of people they think marriage

[30:11]is just you know I went to a wedding it was really

[30:15]nice and the the dress was really nice and the bouquet of

[30:17]flowers and the suits and the friends they come that that's what

[30:22]they have in mind of what marriage is they don't realize that

[30:26]marriage comes with responsibilities with duties with limitations now your life changes

[30:32]before you were living as one person but now whatever you do

[30:36]you impact someone else so therefore you have to islamically you have

[30:41]to respect the rights the hack of the other person and you

[30:46]have responsibilities and duties so the religion of Islam has given us

[30:50]duties and responsibilities and we will talk about them but before we

[30:54]talk about them Allah any law that God gives Allah gives the

[31:03]slav because God is just God is Adil Allah does not want

[31:09]anyone to be oppressed today some people if they if something goes

[31:14]doesn't go the way they want if they don't like with the

[31:16]outcome of something what do they come and say Islam is not

[31:21]fair God is not fair I'm not treated correctly because it didn't

[31:25]go the way that they want but then if it goes the

[31:27]way that they want they don't say anything so Allah is commands

[31:36]us to be just and Allah his laws are just as well

[31:42]we can't we have to acknowledge and accept that God is the

[31:45]most knowledgeable God knows what's best and therefore the laws of God

[31:52]are just this is one point another very important point is that

[31:56]Allah in any family or any anything that is operational right now

[32:03]in a in a government in a company in an organization there

[32:08]has to be a hierarchy there has to be a system it

[32:13]can't be chaos you can't please everyone right now can you say

[32:17]in a government let everyone be the president is that acceptable it's

[32:21]not acceptable can you say in a corporation how about we all

[32:26]become the CEOs and then no one does anything else no in

[32:30]order for the corporation in order for the organization for the company

[32:37]for the government to function there are duties certain tasks are delegated

[32:41]to certain individuals that doesn't mean one is better than the other

[32:47]that doesn't mean one is treated differently by Allah in the eyes

[32:51]of Allah men and women are all the same verily in the

[32:57]eyes of Allah the one who's closer in the eyes of Allah

[33:01]is the one who has the most taqwa however we see that

[33:05]when it comes to a family when it comes to marriage when

[33:09]it comes to a household there are certain tasks certain duties certain

[33:17]responsibilities that are given to certain individuals not because God is favoring

[33:21]one over the other but because there has to be a system

[33:24]right now in a car for example can you have two people

[33:29]driving the car at the same time you can't if you do

[33:33]there's going to be an accident one person has to drive yes

[33:38]there could be a person and the passenger seat as the Navigator

[33:41]there could be someone who is showing the way there could be

[33:48]someone who is directing which way to go but one person has

[33:50]to be the one who's driving and here when we look at

[33:55]a family structure we also see that there are some some rules

[33:59]there are some structures so when it comes to marriage there are

[34:03]some do some duties and responsibilities now typically speaking when it comes

[34:11]to matters outside the house Allah says this matter this obligation is

[34:18]delegated to the husband matters outside the house and issues and matters

[34:22]that concern the house inside the house these are matters that the

[34:29]religion of Islam has given the wife the authority to do so

[34:33]and here there's a Hadith that says told them he tells them

[34:45]oh Ali you are responsible for what is outside the house meaning

[34:48]you have to be the breadwinner you make the major decisions that

[34:53]concern the whole household but other issues that are in the house

[34:57]that is the job of the wife that is the job he

[35:00]tells he tells that is the job of the wife but here

[35:05]you see today some people they've mixed that things outside the house

[35:10]inside the house it's all mixed up so this is why there

[35:12]has to be a set of rules and laws and the religion

[35:16]of Islam has provided that now some people they say I don't

[35:18]need these rules and laws because we live in a life where

[35:24]there's mutual respect there's mutual agreement we both respect one another honor

[35:28]one another and we listen to one another and we try to

[35:30]do what's best that's fine these laws they're there at a as

[35:35]a last resort for example or when there's confusion when someone doesn't

[35:39]know what the duties and responsibilities are you have to refer to

[35:43]these laws and these duties so we will begin with what are

[35:50]the responsibilities of the husband and the rights of the wife and

[35:54]then we will switch so if you're excited I don't think the

[35:59]men are excited so the first responsibility the first responsibility of the

[36:13]husband is what is called the nafaka nafaka these are three memes

[36:22]meaning the place of living the clothing and the food these are

[36:31]the responsibilities of the husband and the religion of Islam maybe the

[36:35]wife has a lot of money maybe the life is working she

[36:39]can provide for the family she's working but she is not required

[36:46]to spend on the family and even on herself in these issues

[36:50]the place of living the husband it's the job of the husband

[36:55]to provide these matters the place of living the food and the

[37:02]clothing and here Scholars say that it is the duty of the

[37:04]husband to provide that which is according to their standard of living

[37:09]so when they got married his standard of living and her standard

[37:14]of living was one way she can't come and expect him to

[37:20]for example every time they go out get her a Louis Vuitton

[37:22]purse or something like that no if his stat if his status

[37:27]of living was for example driving a Toyota then he has to

[37:30]drive a Toyota that's the standard that he's going to be held

[37:35]for she can't come and expect him higher and he cannot come

[37:38]and give less maybe when he got married his standard the agreement

[37:42]she saw that she was signing up into a relationship of someone

[37:46]who is for example he's driving a BMW when they got married

[37:51]she agreed to him marrying him according to that lifestyle he can't

[37:56]come and say oh your family don't have anything so I'm going

[37:59]to treat you like the like what your family no he has

[38:01]there has to be an agreement on how they entered into the

[38:04]relationship what was the relationship like what did they what did they

[38:11]go into the marriage like that becomes his duties and his responsibilities

[38:15]now if the wife says I want to give towards the family

[38:18]I want to give towards the house I want to give this

[38:22]is all up to her but she cannot be forced into giving

[38:26]she could keep her money and save her money and do whatever

[38:29]she wants with her money she cannot be forced into giving I

[38:33]know right now it seems most houses they run on two incomes

[38:40]probably so the there's an expectation from the husband that the wife

[38:44]has to also give towards the family but she is not required

[38:49]to do so if she does that is that means she's doing

[38:51]a favor she's doing the family a favor and he needs to

[38:56]thank her for that so this is and it is this very

[39:04]matter that makes the husband the driver puts the husband in the

[39:09]driving seat foreign because it's the duty of the husband to do

[39:23]in fact it's the duty of the husband to spend therefore he's

[39:28]in the driver's seat now this doesn't mean that he goes exact

[39:31]he makes decisions all on his own without consultation without talking without

[39:36]without making decisions together but this because it's his job to spend

[39:42]it's his job to provide for the family therefore these major family

[39:46]decisions Allah has put them on the shoulders of the man the

[39:54]shoulders of the husband and it becomes his duty to make these

[40:01]big decisions when it comes to the family another Duty and right

[40:07]of the wife is what is called farash and this is the

[40:13]right of the physical intimacy and Allah a lot of people they

[40:17]say that this is the rights only of the of the husband

[40:23]but no this goes both ways Allah says in the Quran the

[40:27]same way a husband the same way a wife has duties and

[40:36]responsibilities to the husband the husband also has a duty and responsibility

[40:41]towards the wife so this is one and Allah when describing marriage

[40:46]Allah says meaning you have to protect one another you have to

[40:55]be there for one another you have to provide the the needs

[41:01]fulfill the needs of your partner and there are many needs the

[41:05]wife has needs physical needs emotional needs psychological needs social needs spiritual

[41:10]needs all of these needs they need to be met and here's

[41:15]a big problem why do you have a lot of relationships and

[41:20]marriages and struggling and ending in divorce it's because one person is

[41:25]not fulfilling their duties and responsibilities when one person has a shortcoming

[41:31]then you find the whole the whole structure collapses so this is

[41:35]one of the farage third is what is called meaning that even

[41:45]if there was no intimacy there is a duty and responsibility of

[41:50]the husband to spend time in the house and sharing a bed

[41:55]and this is a duty and responsibility and here it says once

[42:03]out of every four four nights one in every four nights there

[42:08]needs to be a that relationship where meaning spending time together today

[42:16]there are some couple they're married but they don't spend time with

[42:20]one another one person is sleeping on the couch one person is

[42:24]sleeping in the other room there's no love there's no attachment Allah

[42:29]wants there to be that feeling of intimacy and that feeling of

[42:37]being with one another so let's say in a relationship some people

[42:41]they say no I'm he's traveling or she's traveling or there's consent

[42:45]on both sides that this is the arrangement that they have done

[42:48]that would be okay but if there is no consent if the

[42:52]husband for example wants to leave or the wife wants to leave

[42:57]then it becomes a problem fourth Allah one of the duties of

[43:07]the husband is to treat the wife with maroof Allah says in

[43:10]the Quran and treat them with that which is that which is

[43:18]customary that which is accepted that which is good foreign Allah says

[43:34]treat them with my roof treat them with that compassion with that

[43:38]kindness and here what does this mean this means that when you

[43:44]sign up to get married treat the wife and the husband should

[43:48]treat the wife and the wife to treat the husband as a

[43:50]partner as a loving partner don't be an enemy with one another

[43:54]there are some they have good relationships with everyone except with the

[43:58]the one they're married to they do not have a healthy relationship

[44:02]with one another that means treat them with love treat them with

[44:08]compassion this is what where we learn from the religion of Islam

[44:15]as a great example rasulullah he says to the Muslims the best

[44:26]out of you is the one who is the best towards their

[44:29]family he doesn't say the best out of you is the one

[44:33]who prays Salah he doesn't say the best out of you is

[44:36]the one who goes to Hajj of rear he doesn't say the

[44:38]best out of you is the one who gives charity he says

[44:42]the best out of you is the one who is the best

[44:46]to the family and I am the best and this is why

[44:51]rasulullah was a role model not only in ibadah not only in

[44:56]worship today some people they think rasulullah they're only Role Models when

[45:02]it comes to worshiping no they are Role Models when it comes

[45:06]to family as well being a father being a husband being a

[45:11]son being a member of the family these are all duties and

[45:16]responsibilities within the family sometimes you find one of the reasons some

[45:24]families Fall Apart maybe the person is spending on one another maybe

[45:29]the the access to the credit card or whatever they're spending they're

[45:34]they're doing everything but there's bad in the household there's bad ill

[45:40]manners towards one another yelling at one another talking back to one

[45:44]another not respecting one another this is a reflection of who you

[45:49]are as a person if this is how you're going to be

[45:53]treating the person who's the closest to you that that's a reflection

[45:58]of your identity and not only will it bring suffering and it

[46:05]could risk bringing divorce and it could risk bringing ill comfort and

[46:09]remove the happiness and bring the stress and the anxiety and the

[46:15]blood pressure and the heart and diabetes and all of these things

[46:17]that are caused by stress but it could also ruin the afterlife

[46:23]someone who is rude someone who yells back someone who is not

[46:31]respectful there is a consequence in the afterlife as well it's not

[46:33]just in this life today some people they think oh I'm just

[46:38]an angry person and I'm I'm I'm dealing with the stress no

[46:40]it's in the afterlife as well there was a companion of rasulullah

[46:48]was one of the best Companions of rasulullah in the Battle of

[46:55]he was injured they brought him back to Medina and he died

[47:01]a while later participated in his funeral and rasulullah was walking on

[47:08]his tiptoes he was walking on his tiptoes in his janaza they

[47:11]tell rasulullah what is going on he tells them there are seventy

[47:19]Thousand Angels that are in the Tashia and the janaza of this

[47:22]man the Salah and they Place him in his grave they poured

[47:29]the soil over the grave then his mother she comes his mother

[47:33]comes over the grave and she says congratulations you're going straight to

[47:42]paradise rasulullah looked at her and he tells her ya um don't

[47:59]give off Paradise on behalf of Allah because the grave has crushed

[48:06]him in a way where his ribs have come together foreign was

[48:24]ill-tempered with his family and this is the consequence there are consequences

[48:36]volume is oppression Allah has made Paradise in a way where there's

[48:42]no single bit of Oppression will enter into Paradise if I have

[48:46]oppressed I will either face the consequences in the Hellfire if it's

[48:54]big or in the grave or in this life in some way

[48:57]or another I have to be filtered I have to be cleansed

[49:01]so that I could enter into paradise and even if I was

[49:03]a person who was praying and fasting and going to Hajj and

[49:08]doing everything if I have a Bad Manners with someone and I

[49:10]have hurt someone's feeling now someone could be angry but angry in

[49:16]the Huck sometimes angry is in the bottle anger is for nothing

[49:21]hurting someone's feeling saying something to someone for no reason so these

[49:26]are some of the rights some of the duties and responsibilities of

[49:33]the husband and the biggest one is if you treat them with

[49:38]then all the others will be met the the nathaka the farage

[49:40]the mabits all of those will be met if you're a fair

[49:45]person be a fair person and everything else will come in line

[49:48]now that we scared the men now we have to go to

[49:51]the woman Muhammad the first right of the females and this is

[50:03]also the right in a marriage we mentioned this for the man

[50:08]and it also applies for the woman and this is the rights

[50:12]of intimacy and here when we look at the religion of Islam

[50:16]we see that Allah has made it in a way where we

[50:22]have needs and desires but these needs they have to be met

[50:28]in a in the household in a safe environment in the private

[50:32]life the problem today is when people they go out in public

[50:36]in the public life and then this is where you see sexual

[50:41]assault this is where you see the rise of pornography this is

[50:44]where you see the rise of um all of these problems these

[50:48]these toxic issues that have become Norms in society why because the

[50:54]needs in the house many times they're not met so they go

[51:00]outside the house to try to meet the needs and then this

[51:03]becomes a problem so one of the greatest acts of jihad acts

[51:07]of struggle for women is to be there for the husband's needs

[51:15]and of course we mentioned earlier that the husband has to be

[51:18]there for the needs of the wife after one of the battles

[51:23]the woman they came to rasulullah and they were complaining they tell

[51:29]him we also want to go out to battle we want to

[51:30]carry the sword and we want to defend you this is not

[51:36]the going into battle has not become obligatory upon the woman and

[51:41]then he says the responsibility of the wife is an example of

[51:59]modesty it means when you're when you're walking be walk and live

[52:03]and go outside in a modest way where your clothes are dragging

[52:06]on the ground where no one could see you that means you're

[52:10]dragging it and this is this is a symbol of modesty and

[52:18]Chastity because when modesty and Chastity is taken away from society then

[52:22]you find problems will start Rising there has to be modesty there

[52:25]has to be AFA this is one the Jihad of the lady

[52:34]is meaning being a good wife to the husband meaning taking care

[52:38]of the needs of the husband these are responsibilities the Allah has

[52:46]made obligatory upon the husband and the wife now another another responsibility

[52:57]here Scholars say that one of the duties is that it is

[53:03]Haram for a lady to leave the house without the permission of

[53:07]the husband this doesn't mean that I didn't I have to call

[53:10]the husband she has to call the husband every time she wants

[53:14]to go grocery shopping or no he could give her a general

[53:18]permission but if he does not allow that he does not want

[53:21]that then it becomes a problem and someone might say why this

[53:26]is so extreme well Scholars they say that it is the duty

[53:31]and the responsibility of the husband to be the protector and the

[53:36]breadwinner and the one who has to bring security to the family

[53:41]it's his job to make sure the family is safe so how

[53:43]is he going to make sure that the family is safe and

[53:47]protect the family if he doesn't know where his wife is so

[53:49]this is why these are attached to another because he's the job

[53:55]it's the job of the husband to bring security and safety to

[53:59]the family then therefore he needs to know where his wife is

[54:06]and here some Scholars like for example he says that this rule

[54:11]the right that the the the lady cannot leave the house except

[54:14]with the permission and the knowledge of the husband he says this

[54:19]only applies if her leaving the house is going to contradict his

[54:26]rights of intimacy his hack of intimacy if it does not contradict

[54:29]that rights of intimacy then it's not up to him to dictate

[54:36]where she goes and when she goes only if his heart is

[54:38]taken away from him so this means that if a lady were

[54:44]to leave the house if a lady were to go somewhere she

[54:49]would need to at least let the husband know at least let

[54:52]him have knowledge and let him be in agreement with that and

[54:56]if they want the marriage to separate if they want the marriage

[54:59]to break apart then let them both disrespect one another and do

[55:03]everything in their own way here these rules are there so that

[55:07]there's mutual respect and love within a relationship now someone might come

[55:11]and say what if a lady has to go to for example

[55:16]the doctor no in this case she could go there's no need

[55:19]to ask or for example she's going to do something that is

[55:25]wajib something that is obligatory like what like Hajj she became meaning

[55:31]everything she has all of the conditions and it became upon her

[55:35]here the husband cannot stop her Hajj has become obligatory upon her

[55:40]she has to go but then if there's something that is recommended

[55:45]like ziara every every month every year every few weeks she wants

[55:49]to go somewhere or she wants to go and visit her family

[55:52]every day here it might be problematic now yes the husband should

[55:57]not and cannot stop her from seeing her family but she also

[56:02]should not take advantage of that maybe sometimes it doesn't go along

[56:07]with the marriage with the survival of the marriage how about work

[56:11]what if she's leaving for work here also Scholars say it goes

[56:16]on the agreement that they had when they first got married when

[56:19]they got married did they agree that she's going to be working

[56:23]and he's going they're both going to be working if that was

[56:26]an agreement that was made at the time of the at the

[56:30]time of the tab then therefore he cannot object but if it

[56:33]was not an agreement the agreement was that he was the breadwinner

[56:37]and he's providing and what he's making is enough then here he

[56:42]can object and he could tell her no I don't want you

[56:46]to go out so it all depends on the agreements and by

[56:47]the way when we talk about the agreement in the tab when

[56:51]you're doing the marriage a lot of people don't know this you

[56:55]could stipulate conditions that you want you could put many of the

[57:01]conditions many of the sharut you could put that at the time

[57:02]of the marriage at the time of the time so this is

[57:08]one another point is that the lady should not bring anyone into

[57:13]the house without the permission of the husband and this obviously makes

[57:17]sense if he has given her General permission then it would be

[57:20]okay and another is that she cannot take anything out of the

[57:23]house without the permission of the husband at the end of the

[57:27]day if it was his if if this was something that belonged

[57:30]to him he purchased this he put this in the house she

[57:34]cannot come and take it out without his permission but if it

[57:37]was something that belonged to her she bought it with her own

[57:41]money then people are free to do what they want with their

[57:43]money now my dear brothers and sisters these are the rules four

[57:49]for the men and four for women but if people want to

[57:52]really live a fat a a marriage with sukoon with Tranquility with

[57:58]love then there needs to be sometimes these rules you don't even

[58:02]need them sometimes you just need to have that common sense that

[58:05]that love and that would be enough for a successful relationship and

[58:13]for a successful marriage we ask Allah to make the marriages of

[58:19]all of the meaning and the manat a blessed marriage and we

[58:25]ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to bless all of the let us

[58:29]raise our hands Allah foreign foreign

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27 - Responsibilities Within A Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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التالي

27 - Responsibilities Within A Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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