The Hard Questions Before Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini - Thursday Night Program

2 Bekeken· 23/12/15

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Transcript

[0:28]muham these past few days and in the coming week is the

[0:47]anniversary of the martyrdom of the Lady of Light and of course

[0:56]there was one narration which we commemorated last week and that is

[1:01]that she passed away 75 days after the prophet and inshallah next

[1:06]week next Thursday even though it will be a few days before

[1:12]the martyrdom of Lady Fatima according to the narration that she passed

[1:17]away 90 days after so there are many lessons that we learn

[1:24]from the life of there's the lesson of jihad speaking out against

[1:32]Injustice she was not limited she was not confined she spoke out

[1:38]against the Injustice of her time this is one lesson another is

[1:47]the spirituality and the of and a third and a perhaps very

[1:54]important lesson from the life of and from the lives of many

[1:59]of those who are me mentioned in the Quran from the prophets

[2:03]from the imams from the um aah is family relationships the Quran

[2:13]focuses on family and there are certain families that are chosen by

[2:19]Allah they're purified by God and they're purified by God one reason

[2:23]why they are chosen is because of how they were with one

[2:26]another what kind of a husband was he what kind of a

[2:31]wife she was what kind of a daughter was she what kind

[2:35]of a person in a family were they and Allah talks about

[2:39]certain families Allah subhana T says these are certain families that were

[2:56]chosen and when we look at the life of fat Z am

[3:00]we see that she was unique she was special in the roles

[3:08]that she took which were not really extraordinary today some people they

[3:13]say I could become very special I could become someone who's very

[3:17]special everyone will know me make me president and everyone will recognize

[3:20]me give me this much money and people will recognize me I

[3:27]will give charity I will do good I will do all of

[3:31]this f z am she became special with the ordinary role that

[3:34]she had she was a daughter but she became the best daughter

[3:39]she was a wife she became the best wife she was a

[3:41]mother she became the best mother so this is a lesson for

[3:48]us that we should not expect to have unusual circumstances so that

[3:52]we can maybe do something good in our life no do good

[3:55]in your life where where in the circumstances that Allah subhana wa

[3:58]tala has put you some people say if I have money I

[4:03]will do this do the good with whatever you have if you're

[4:06]in a relationship you're in a difficult relationship your marriage is tested

[4:11]whatever it is try to be the best person you could be

[4:16]in the circumstances that Allah subhah wa ta'ala has put you in

[4:19]now when it comes to family of course to build a family

[4:24]you have to get married and marriage is an issue and it's

[4:31]a issue that is on the mind of many people the those

[4:37]who are married marriage is on their mind because their anniversary is

[4:41]coming up maybe they forgot about it maybe they're afraid they might

[4:44]forget about it what will happen if they forget or maybe they

[4:49]want to get their kids married that's on their mind and the

[4:56]major issue is for those who are not married marriage is on

[5:02]their mind a lot of Youth they're thinking when should I get

[5:07]married can I afford marriage how could I stick to one person

[5:10]how do I know which qualities to pick which qualities to choose

[5:15]in a in a spouse these are all questions that people have

[5:19]in mind and these are valid questions these are very valid very

[5:25]okay questions to ask no one should come and say this is

[5:27]a wrong question because at the end of the day going into

[5:31]the marriage this is one of the most important and perhaps the

[5:37]most important decision you will make in your life if it goes

[5:41]well if it's successful then you will have happiness and you'll have

[5:45]satisfaction and you'll be okay for the rest of your life and

[5:49]if it does not go well then you will live with the

[5:51]regret with the pain with the anxiety and perhaps the marriage might

[6:00]fall apart so these are very serious issues that need to be

[6:04]addressed and need to be asked and while we are remembering f

[6:08]z let us try to be inspired from her life let us

[6:12]try to be inspired from the decisions that she made or the

[6:16]circumstances that she was in and we could see how we could

[6:23]make better decisions in our lives so one question that a lot

[6:29]of the youth a lot lot of people have in mind is

[6:31]when is the best time to get married when should I get

[6:37]married some people right now especially they come and they say let

[6:40]me build my career let me get a job let me get

[6:44]the house let me get the car let me put everything first

[6:48]and then once I'm done then I will get married I'll check

[6:51]it off of the bucket list of things to do in my

[6:55]life before I die this is one one group this is one

[6:58]ideology this is one perspective that I see a lot of people

[7:03]have when it comes to marriage career comes before career building comes

[7:08]before family building um getting the education comes before and then there's

[7:16]another perspective that regards marriage not as a goal that I'm going

[7:20]to just check it off but it regards marriage as a necessary

[7:25]tool as a necessary pathway that will will help protect me in

[7:32]my later on decisions in life and this is the Islamic perspective

[7:36]Islam doesn't say get married because that's the goal of every person

[7:43]Islam says go and protect yourself Islam says give yourself that immunity

[7:48]that you need because when you get married that's exactly what it

[7:52]will do so there is no specific timeline as to when you

[7:58]get married it's not wag on you to get married at a

[8:00]specific age at a specific time but from an Islamic perspective marriage

[8:04]is encouraged why it's encouraged because it's a form of protection it's

[8:11]the immunity shot helps protect the person so this is why it

[8:18]is considered to be something that is recommended from an Islamic perspective

[8:22]and this is for both men and women both men and women

[8:28]marriage is recommended there's aithi means this is aith from Allah subhah

[8:36]wa tala aithi the the Hadith says that a person who's unmarried

[8:42]and this is of course talking about a female but this applies

[8:45]to men and women a person who's not married is like a

[8:50]fruit that is ripe on the tree a fruit that is ripe

[8:57]on the tree if this fruit stays on the tree and it's

[9:01]not picked what's going to happen to that fruit over time the

[9:08]elements the Sun the wind and the elements are going to impact

[9:13]that fruit and the fruit is going to go bad that fruit

[9:17]was that was perfectly okay that fruit that was perfectly fine there

[9:21]was nothing wrong with it that fruit remains on the tree and

[9:25]it ends up going bad this is exactly what thei says it

[9:28]says that when a person who's at the age and the circumstances

[9:33]of marriage are ready now some people might say the circumstances are

[9:36]not ready for me then this is no pressure but if the

[9:42]time is right meaning you're physically ready you're economically you're socially ready

[9:46]you're mentally ready then you should not delay it and it should

[9:53]not be delayed and this is why we see that when he

[9:56]would see people he would right away if he sees a young

[10:03]person he would ask this person do you have a job and

[10:06]second are you married he would ask them this question why and

[10:11]if this person wasn't married would support this person and getting married

[10:18]because it's a form of immunity it's a form of protection and

[10:24]it is something that will help you get closer to Allah subhana

[10:29]wa tala it will be something that will help you concentrate it

[10:32]will be something that will help you reach your Highest Potential in

[10:36]life now some people they'll come and they'll say say you're talking

[10:40]about marriage but right now I'm not at the age of marriage

[10:45]right now the circumstances don't allow it financially I'm in the middle

[10:48]of school I'm going to jeopardize my life I'm going to jeopardize

[10:51]my career I'm going to I'm going to throw everything away if

[10:55]I do get married this is perfectly okay a lot of people

[10:59]have this these circumstances in their lives so what should a person

[11:07]do in this eight Allah says in the Quran the same verse

[11:22]the verse ordering people to get married and then it says those

[11:28]who cannot they should put themselves on the pathway to marriage pathway

[11:32]in terms of modesty in terms of Chastity this is a struggle

[11:36]that a lot of people have maybe they might fall in the

[11:39]Haram so in order to stop yourself that means you have to

[11:44]put a perimeter around the Haram so that you do not ignite

[11:47]that desire that Allah subhana wa tala has created every single person

[11:54]with and put yourself on the mindset of someone who's about to

[12:00]get married or ready to get married and this is very important

[12:03]maybe say you can't get married for a year for two years

[12:11]okay live your life as if you're preparing and you're planning to

[12:16]get married now you're going to notice that your life is very

[12:19]different when you don't have that in mind now when you're spending

[12:22]your money you're going to be much more careful in how you

[12:29]spend your money and in where you spend your money because now

[12:32]you're planning to get married rather than someone who marriage is not

[12:35]even on their mind now when you're associating with friends you're going

[12:40]to be much more careful who you associate with who you spend

[12:43]time with now when you are getting to know someone there's a

[12:48]lot of people they're getting to know boys and getting boys getting

[12:51]to know girls girls getting to know boys when Mar when they're

[12:55]not taking marriage seriously they're going to be playing around they're going

[13:00]to be be just wanting to have fun but when you are

[13:03]seriously thinking and considering marriage now your relationship and your perspective is

[13:09]going to be very different now you're going to be asking real

[13:12]hard questions you're going to ask yourself is this person suitable for

[13:18]me or is this person not suitable for me these are all

[13:21]questions that a person who has the mindset of marriage they would

[13:25]ask as opposed to someone who's not even thinking about it someone's

[13:29]going to say oh in 10 years I'm going to get married

[13:31]I'm going to think about it in 10 years then they're going

[13:35]to be playing around then they're going to be wasting their time

[13:38]and wasting their money and wasting everything that they have and Allah

[13:45]subhana says in the Quran Allah tells people if there's someone who

[13:58]you are able to financially support maybe you have a servant maybe

[14:03]you have someone who is under your under your watch Allah says

[14:10]help them get married support them in getting married and then Allah

[14:17]says if they're poor Allah is going to make them Rich Allah

[14:22]is going to make them wealthy now someone might ask how do

[14:25]you get wealthy suddenly you go and you say I do and

[14:29]then you got you get wealthy you see your bank account it

[14:33]has money in it is that how things work perhaps Allah says

[14:37]in the Quran get married and I will give you risk but

[14:40]there's another way to explain this and this is there's the the

[14:49]Quran says I've heard some Scholars they give this interpretation of this

[14:56]verse and this is what we said when you put yourself in

[14:59]the mindset of marriage mindset of building a family you're prioritizing family

[15:06]you're prioritizing establishing yourself now you're going to be much more careful

[15:12]in the way you spend your money and when you're more careful

[15:13]in the way you spend your money what's going to happen to

[15:15]your money it's going to be more it's going to increase this

[15:22]is how it works when you put yourself in the mindset of

[15:27]saving your money your money is going to be saved and now

[15:31]you're going to be building a family so this is one issue

[15:35]another question that a lot of people have which continuing what we

[15:40]were saying is what if I'm not financially ready of course this

[15:44]is a question that a lot of the brothers they they uh

[15:47]mention and they bring up right away even though right now we

[15:51]see in many of the marriages that we're seeing right now the

[15:54]wife is giving just as much and the wife is contributing just

[15:58]as much or maybe a little bit more a little bit less

[16:01]for the family so this is a question that both men and

[16:06]women are asking right now where am I going to get the

[16:08]money how am I going to get married right now marriage is

[16:13]very expensive and this is true marriage is is very expensive and

[16:18]this is because society and our Norms we have raised the expectations

[16:21]to please the guests to please those those guests that you don't

[16:25]even see the whole year but they come in one day out

[16:29]of the one day in your life they come and they show

[16:32]up in the wedding and you have to have all these flowers

[16:34]and all of these dresses and all of these things that probably

[16:39]if you really ask the husband and the wife is this really

[16:42]going to make your life much different not so much but it's

[16:47]done to please other people and this is this is one of

[16:49]the you know how society and the way when we're when we're

[16:56]always concerned with pleasing Society we end up ignoring ourselves and we

[17:00]end up maybe falling in the Haram where we are going against

[17:03]the laws of Allah subhah wa ta'ala but I want to bring

[17:09]us to the house of the House of perhaps one of the

[17:19]most beautiful lessons that we learn from is the Simplicity in their

[17:25]life that they had was the daughter of is marrying F but

[17:33]you go and you look at a snapshot view of the House

[17:39]of FAA the furniture of Fatima the how they furnish the home

[17:42]of faat zah and you see that it was a very simple

[17:47]very simple home very simple Furniture however it was that home that

[17:54]brought happiness to that brought happiness to it was was the home

[18:01]of love because a lot of people today we fool ourselves we

[18:03]think that we could buy love we think that we could spend

[18:09]our way into making our relationship look healthier look nicer this is

[18:14]why a lot of people you see their Instagram marriages on the

[18:19]picture it looks very nice I'm on I'm on the beach with

[18:25]my wife and let the whole world see see me how how

[18:27]happy we look with the family with the kids and then you

[18:31]go and you look inside the house you see everything is falling

[18:34]apart you see there is no love there's no compassion there is

[18:39]no respect because we're more concerned with what other people think about

[18:44]our marriage rather than what we are supposed to be contributing towards

[18:49]the family and they put God first and then they put their

[18:57]family and then others so what was the of what was the

[19:07]dowy today one of the biggest obstacles when it comes to marriage

[19:10]is this Mahar Mahar is supposed to be something symbolic that the

[19:14]husband is giving for the wife as a gesture that the husband

[19:20]is the breadwinner and the caretaker of the family but today this

[19:25]has become a tool to delay the marriage or to show Prestige

[19:29]I'm from this family therefore I ask this much or I'm going

[19:34]to give this much and this becomes something that ends up becoming

[19:39]an obstacle towards building a healthy relationship the Mah of the Mah

[19:46]of was the armor the armor comes to of course many other

[19:54]men many other wealthy men they had come and they had proposed

[19:56]to marry FAA would tell them no of course he would ask

[20:01]he would let her know and then he would tell her he

[20:03]would let her know and he would see that she was not

[20:06]happy and then he would tell them no then comes and then

[20:12]tells him what do you have Ali what do you have to

[20:18]give as the Mah says I own three things had migrated he

[20:21]left Mecca he left everything that he had he came with Al

[20:26]he says I have a sword and I have a was a

[20:33]a mule or an animal that would be that he would use

[20:38]to pull water used to work he used to go and work

[20:43]and he used to dig Wells and he used to plant trees

[20:44]and he used to carry that heavy water out of the well

[20:49]so he used to he he was a hard worker he says

[20:53]I have a and third I have an armor a an armor

[20:59]Al tells him as for your you need it because you have

[21:06]to work and as for your sword the religion of Islam is

[21:11]in need of your sword oh Ali as for the armor sell

[21:14]it Allah will protect you sold his armor and F became his

[21:23]Defender when his when Thea was taken away from him f z

[21:29]became the defender of ALB this is why she her life was

[21:33]taken away from her he goes and he sells the armor for

[21:37]480 or 500 Dirhams and that was used that was divided part

[21:44]parts of it was divided on the wedding on Furnishing the home

[21:48]and spending on the needs and the necessities of the marriage of

[21:56]IM Ali and FAA look at the mindset that they had didn't

[21:59]say oh this is I I need more what is this you're

[22:04]asking me to sell he went and he listened to because he

[22:07]has faith in Allah subhana tala and similarly F on the day

[22:12]of her wedding she gives her own dress away she gives it

[22:16]away in the way of Allah subhana wa tala and this shows

[22:22]you that when you are when you have a simple marriage when

[22:26]you don't fall in the material istic trap the Trap of this

[22:30]material lifestyle then you can reach that love and that compassion that

[22:39]everyone dreams of having another very important question a hard question that

[22:46]a lot of people have we answered when and we answered what

[22:51]if I don't have the money another very important question and perhaps

[22:55]this is the most difficult one is who should I marry who

[22:59]should I marry what qualities should I prioritize of course you have

[23:08]different cultures they have different views on who makes this choice you

[23:12]have for example some cultures they the parents they come and they

[23:16]tell their daughter you're marrying fan that's it it's written in the

[23:19]book it's written in pen you can't change it at all they

[23:24]tell the husband you you're marry they tell the boy the guy

[23:26]you're marrying such and such and and he has no say in

[23:32]that and then you have another extreme where some they go and

[23:36]they make the decision on their own without advice without having their

[23:41]parents be involved without going and doing some hard thinking oh I

[23:47]fell in love I fell in love they fall in love and

[23:48]they think they fell in love and they go and they make

[23:53]this decision and then you see a few weeks later this whole

[23:57]thing falls apart when it comes to marriage first of all who

[24:02]makes the choice of course the person the people getting married the

[24:06]boy and the girl the young man and the lady they are

[24:10]the ones who make this choice no one could come and make

[24:16]this choice on your behalf a man comes to IM he tells

[24:20]him my parents they want me to marry such and such girl

[24:26]the neighbor's daughter you know they want me to marry her and

[24:30]I want to marry someone else who should I marry he tells

[24:40]him marry the one you want to marry and leave the one

[24:46]that your parents are telling you to marry now this means that

[24:49]the ultimate decision should be upon the P the ones who are

[24:55]getting married this is a this is the person you're going to

[24:56]be living with not the but does this mean that we should

[25:03]ignore the advice and the suggestion and the admonishment of wiser more

[25:09]intelligent more experienced parents no of course we have to go and

[25:13]seek advice we have to go and turn to those who have

[25:18]more knowledge more experience and those who love us and truly care

[25:22]for us and you're not going to find someone that loves you

[25:24]and cares for you more than your parents so this is why

[25:28]listen to them listen to their advice yes there sometimes there are

[25:34]some parents they're stubborn you know they just have something in mind

[25:37]which is not logical which is not religious which is which goes

[25:41]against reason this is a special case sometimes yes you're not required

[25:45]to follow what they're saying as long as you're not angering them

[25:50]in a way where it's you're going to become because it's Haram

[25:54]to anger the parents in a way where they become truly angry

[25:57]where this becomes but sometimes they might say you know what I

[26:02]was giving you advice you go and do whatever you want I'm

[26:04]not going to be angry at you then that's not Haram in

[26:10]that case so here marriage is a personal choice but what should

[26:14]a person look for this is a very important issue today a

[26:19]lot of people you know we live in a we live in

[26:21]a world where Beauty and appearances they outweigh the inside the internal

[26:29]beauty the real Beauty a lot of people fall for the external

[26:36]appearance say a girl for example she's a model she is very

[26:38]beautiful and this is the first thing that a lot of guys

[26:42]look at this is the first thing that a lot of guys

[26:46]think of or for example a guy has certain qualities that stand

[26:49]out that is what many people in society focus on the appearances

[26:56]now appearances are important no one is telling you to marry someone

[27:00]who for example when you wake up you're going to get scared

[27:05]or something but and this goes for both ways boy boys and

[27:07]girls men and women um but the thing is we have to

[27:13]this is a decision that you're going to be making that you

[27:17]have to really consider what are the qualities what are the things

[27:22]that I want to truly look for of course it's a free

[27:27]choice you could marry whoever you want however when if you want

[27:31]the Islamic advice there are two very important qualities to look for

[27:35]and that is Faith and faith and good manners we see multiple

[27:45]multiple narrations that focus on these two qualities it doesn't say the

[27:49]one who drives the nicest car the one who is the most

[27:51]beautiful girl in town um you know the one who is born

[27:56]from this family or born from that that family or the one

[27:58]who has this job or that job no no what to look

[28:08]for if someone comes and proposes to a girl and you see

[28:15]that this person has Dean has Faith what does that mean that

[28:18]means this person is afraid of God that means that this person

[28:24]knows Halal from Haram that means that this person even if he

[28:27]had a problem with you he's not going to oppress you because

[28:32]he knows God Is Watching and this is what Dean does the

[28:34]dean religion it creates a perimeter around your life it tells you

[28:38]eat This Not That wear this not that go here not there

[28:43]say this don't say that this is what religion does but it

[28:49]gives you a healthy lifestyle I know some people say religion I

[28:52]don't like it because it limits me well when it limits you

[28:54]it's doing you a favor it's making your life better it's making

[28:58]your life more productive it's making you more respectable in the community

[29:02]when you don't do theam you're going to be more liked you're

[29:05]going to be a person who is more respected in your own

[29:10]community so find yourself a person who's afraid of God find yourself

[29:14]a person who has that Dean that faith in Allah subhah wa

[29:17]ta'ala the person that is not willing to break the boundaries of

[29:23]God who cares about other boundaries maybe people are going to get

[29:27]upset maybe say breaking societal Norms who cares about societal Norms as

[29:31]long as you don't break the laws of Allah subhah wa ta'ala

[29:39]can I in order to make other people happy disobey Allah subhana

[29:47]wa ta'ala no you cannot obey anyone even if it's your parents

[29:51]whoever it is if they're telling you to do Haram you don't

[29:56]do Haram at the expense of disobeying Allah subhana tala because the

[30:00]person who has Faith they believe in Janam they believe in they

[30:03]believe in theab they believe in accountability the person who doesn't have

[30:08]faith they don't care so this is one someone who has faith

[30:13]and second someone who has maybe this person prays every night but

[30:20]if the food has too much salt in it he's going to

[30:23]throw a fit in the house he's going to start yelling and

[30:28]shouting and breaking things and throwing things this is also a problem

[30:33]can you live with someone who has no can you truly have

[30:35]a happy marriage with someone who is going to fight over everything

[30:41]in the house someone who wants to control everything in the house

[30:46]you can't this is why it's very important to have and this

[30:49]is why it's very important for us to build our AK maybe

[30:52]I want my wife to have the best but I don't have

[30:54]good there's also a problem there's a problem we have to work

[31:00]on our akl the same way we work on our faith we

[31:04]we strengthen our faith we have to work on our anger we

[31:07]have to work on our kindness on our words whether we get

[31:09]triggered or not and this is something very important and when we

[31:16]look at the Hadith we see that this is what is mentioned

[31:19]and then of course my advice the Hadith doesn't doesn't say that

[31:25]but if we look at the general summary of what the narrations

[31:29]say they say focus on someone who you're compatible with maybe for

[31:38]example someone has very good AK and this person is a very

[31:42]good person very faithful but this person lives all the way in

[31:47]for example in carala is this person going to be good for

[31:51]you who's living here in some cases it might work I don't

[31:55]want to I don't want to say it doesn't work some some

[31:57]marriages they've made it work very well but the more compatibility you

[32:05]have the more likely this is going to be a successful marriage

[32:09]because the thought process the thinking the level of intellectuality the discussions

[32:14]all of these are going to be at the same level versus

[32:16]you're marrying someone who has a completely different passion he likes to

[32:20]watch football and she likes to sit and you know do something

[32:28]else so these are all um very important things that you have

[32:32]to make sure that there is compatibility in and in a from

[32:39]he tells the Muslims he says be very careful from what is

[32:51]it is the green grass that grows on the trash there's a

[33:00]trash area dump and then you see grass growing in that area

[33:03]meaning don't be fooled by appearances you might look at someone you

[33:08]might look at a girl or a guy and you might see

[33:11]that their appearances are very appealing but in reality this person is

[33:16]trash in reality this person is not good a suit not a

[33:24]good suitable partner and this is why you have to ask questions

[33:28]S A lot of people they sit once twice and then that's

[33:30]it they do the no ask questions you know in Islam is

[33:35]backbiting is Haram but can you if someone comes and asks me

[33:42]for example this guy came and proposed and is asking for my

[33:44]daughter's hand in marriage can I come and say no no no

[33:49]I don't it's not my job to to talk about this person

[33:54]no now it becomes wag upon me to go and tell because

[33:57]now the the benefit is greater now the risk of building a

[34:02]family with someone who for example maybe this person was not an

[34:07]honest person maybe this person was not what they appear to be

[34:10]now it becomes my duty to go and inform because I'm protecting

[34:13]because family is at risk now it becomes my duty so it's

[34:19]very important to ask questions do some research don't just fall for

[34:23]a person right away look for someone who is compatible and the

[34:30]Hadith says the Hadith of IM he says if not for no

[34:33]one would have been a compatible partner for a last question hard

[34:46]question that a lot of people deal with and this is how

[34:52]can I commit and stick to one person this is a very

[34:56]you know a lot lot of people they have sleepless nights maybe

[34:59]their wedding is coming up in a few days and they're worried

[35:04]is this going to be the right person can I stay with

[35:06]this person can I really be happy with this person and this

[35:11]is what they call the Paradox of choices a lot of people

[35:16]they say when it comes to marriage oh there's plenty of fish

[35:19]in the sea meaning oh there's so many people I could marry

[35:22]that means I shouldn't be worried so much and this it it

[35:30]creates a problem because you think you have a lot of options

[35:36]but in reality how many options do you really have you look

[35:40]at everyone out there is everyone suitable for you to marry no

[35:43]maybe either their faith their language their culture there's so many things

[35:48]when it you come you limit it you bring it down down

[35:51]until you see there's only one or two people that are that

[35:58]are compatible with you so so this idea of let me delay

[36:01]the marriage this opportunity came it's okay let me delay it another

[36:04]opportunity came let me delay it another opportunity comes let me delay

[36:07]it because there's so many options eventually you're going to run out

[36:14]of options eventually there's going to be no good options and this

[36:18]is why if the good option comes Islam says take the option

[36:22]and says the we mentioned earlier if someone comes and proposes to

[36:33]you you see this person has Dean and this person has accept

[36:36]this person then the Hadith of the Prophet continues if you don't

[36:46]there's going to be FNA there's going to be facade in the

[36:49]land why because this person who's good who's worthy of marriage got

[36:57]rejected got rejected got got rejected this person is going to go

[37:01]do the Haram and you're going to remain without a partner so

[37:05]here we have to we have to have some faith I know

[37:12]it's a very difficult choice because you say I'm afraid to commit

[37:16]to this person because I'm going to have to be with this

[37:21]person for the rest of my life but at the end of

[37:22]the day if you find someone who's godc conscious if you find

[37:27]someone who's a believer who's M who has good then you deal

[37:30]with problems together no one said life and marriage has zero problems

[37:36]no one said you start off your marriage with everything being fine

[37:42]you have that you know how white house on the hill and

[37:46]you're you're totally comfortable no you start small and you slowly get

[37:50]better bigger you have problems in life you have challenges in life

[37:54]you deal with them together you deal with them and you grow

[38:00]together you think the marriage of IM Ali and did not face

[38:02]hurdles did not face challenges not from each other from each other

[38:10]they were the strongest the most loving but there were those from

[38:14]the outside that created obstacles and turbulence in the life of Amir

[38:23]and every day IM Ali every few months every few weeks has

[38:26]to go and put his life on the line to defend and

[38:30]to defend the religion of Islam she did not have that comfortable

[38:37]life of a princess the daughter of the Prophet no he himself

[38:43]he says she used to sweep the house where her her clothes

[38:49]became Dusty she used to light the fire under the pot her

[38:53]her clothes were filled with holes this is the daughter of s

[38:59]Al she used to carry the water until that impacted her chest

[39:04]and her and her shoulder and she used to grind the wheat

[39:08]until her hands became rough this is FAA the daughter of you

[39:18]think their marriage was perfectly fine no he was also tested he

[39:27]also every day was a test for them but they survived their

[39:31]love and their relationship let me conclude with this story from the

[39:37]life of one day I probably mentioned this before one day he

[39:43]comes to the home and he sees that there's no food in

[39:51]the house so he tells fa oh fat there's nothing she tells

[39:53]him no he tells her why didn't you tell me so that

[39:58]I could bring something for you to cook for something so that

[40:01]we could eat something she tells him when we first got married

[40:05]tells me he told me don't burden your husband with something that

[40:14]he can't do if he's and then she says I didn't tell

[40:20]you because I know you when you have you bring he's not

[40:21]is not the type of person that is going to be stingy

[40:26]with his family she says you have you bring I saw that

[40:29]you didn't have so I didn't want to burden you and look

[40:31]at the key to this the beautiful dynamic in that relationship where

[40:35]she doesn't even tell him so then left the house at noon

[40:44]time everyone is resting at noon time he leaves the house he

[40:48]goes and he borrows one Durham he borrows one Durham and he's

[40:52]going back to the market so that he could buy something he

[40:59]SE sees one of the companions of and a friend of he

[41:05]sees mad he tells him oh mikdad what are you doing out

[41:09]in the street at this time mcdad he says I left my

[41:14]home while my kids were crying from Hunger I came out to

[41:17]look for food for them he takes that Durham that he borrows

[41:22]and he gives it to mcdad because he knows his family they're

[41:29]not going to make a problem for him he knows his family

[41:36]he goes back to the home and he's ready to go and

[41:40]tell FAA you know I was not able to find anything he

[41:44]goes and the Hadith says he saw in her she's praying and

[41:52]next to her there's a dish of food and standing next to

[41:59]F and he tells her oh where is this from and she

[42:12]replies she tells him this is from God and Allah gives the

[42:18]risk to whoever he wishes looks at he smiles and he tells

[42:25]him oh fa is no less than this is what happened with

[42:51]Zakaria and tells Ali is no less than maram my dear brothers

[42:55]and sisters inshallah next week next Thursday we will have a mjus

[43:00]for according to the narration of the 90day um 90day Hadith of

[43:10]the Shah of and we ask you all to join us may

[43:12]Allah bless you all and grant you all the Z and the

[43:19]of Lady fa Allah oh Allah we ask Allah subhah wa ta'ala

[44:01]to send his mercy upon the souls of the muah upon the

[44:04]souls of the sh those who are they're losing their lives day

[44:11]after day in Palestine and Lebanon all over the Muslim world muham

[44:24]muhamad

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