The Halal Way to Approach Someone for Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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Transcript

[0:06]Yeah.

[0:07]Cannot.

[0:18]Alhamdulillah.

[0:50]for your protection and for our to be accepted.

[1:02]One of the major milestones in a person's life is to get

[1:11]married and build a family.

[1:14]And through marriage, a person will be able to achieve many of

[1:20]the needs that they have.

[1:24]The psychological needs, the emotional needs, the spiritual needs, the physical needs,

[1:32]the social needs.

[1:35]All of these needs that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created us

[1:40]with, they are met through marriage.

[1:42]And this is why marriage is regarded as a sacred act in

[1:50]Islam.

[1:48]Marriage is not just something that people do just because they, you

[1:54]know, they've reached that point in their life.

[1:55]No, marriage is sacred in Islam.

[1:58]Marriage is holy in Islam.

[2:02]And this is why we see there are many hadith, many narrations

[2:06]from from the B that talk about the importance of completing your

[2:13]faith.

[2:12]that when you get married you have secured half of your faith

[2:18]or when a person gets married their prayers the reward of their

[2:22]prayers is multiplied 70 times more.

[2:25]So there are many benefits to marriage.

[2:30]Now when it comes to the topic of the marriage, this is

[2:36]for many of the youth, for many who are at the age

[2:40]of marriage, this is probably one of the most stressful topics that

[2:44]they could think about.

[2:48]It's a topic that you see, everyone has something to say.

[2:51]the family and the aunts and the grandmother and the parents and

[2:56]the friends and everyone around has an idea has an input to

[3:05]say and it is a very consequential decision.

[3:06]You're choosing to live with a person.

[3:10]You're making this huge decision in your life and it could become

[3:18]very stressful for a person and it is a very difficult decision

[3:21]that many people make because it determines this decision that you make

[3:26]will determine your happiness.

[3:29]Not just one year down the line, two years down the line,

[3:33]but we're talking about 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years.

[3:36]So this is the person that you're choosing to live with.

[3:40]This is the truth person that you're choosing to be with and

[3:43]this is why it is a topic that causes some stress.

[3:48]Now there are multiple angles to look at this topic.

[3:51]One is the importance of marriage and how important it is and

[3:56]how it's a form of protection.

[3:57]Another is who to get married to and another topic is for

[4:04]example how to prepare for marriage.

[4:08]I've discussed these topics in details in many other lectures.

[4:12]But one topic or one angle that I have not or I

[4:19]don't believe I've talked about uh recently is how to approach someone

[4:24]to get married.

[4:27]So what should the approach be?

[4:29]How should you initiate that conversation?

[4:32]How should you initiate that topic with people?

[4:37]And I know this probably sounds like a very common sense thing

[4:39]to do.

[4:41]You just approach someone and you ask for their hand in marriage

[4:44]or you show that you're interested in marrying this person.

[4:49]But in reality, this is a lot more tricky than you think.

[4:52]It's a lot more complicated than you think.

[4:55]A lot of people maybe they are ready to get married.

[4:57]Maybe they have their they have their their job, their career, everything

[5:03]is ready.

[5:04]But here's the big hurdle.

[5:06]There's a big roadblock is how do I come and approach someone

[5:11]to get married?

[5:11]How do I begin that conversation?

[5:13]How do I start this movement?

[5:16]It's not easy.

[5:18]Especially for the youth, especially for those who are probably younger, they

[5:25]don't have the experience.

[5:25]And it is a very difficult topic.

[5:30]And we live in an age of technology.

[5:33]We live in an age of communication.

[5:34]But in reality, many of us don't know how to communicate with

[5:37]one another because our form of communication is through social media.

[5:44]Our form of communication is through send sending a message, sending a

[5:48]text.

[5:48]This is all that we know how to communicate.

[5:52]We can't carry a real conversation.

[5:54]Why?

[5:53]Because of this technology, of the social media.

[5:56]It has deprived us of basic acts of communication.

[6:01]basic acts of holding a conversation.

[6:02]And you see this all the time.

[6:05]You see people are sitting in a room.

[6:06]Many times they're not even talking to one another.

[6:08]Everyone's on their phone because we don't know how to we lost

[6:13]we we forgot how to communicate with one another.

[6:16]We forgot how to have real conversations with one another because social

[6:22]media and technology has dictated even in in the way that we

[6:26]communicate with one another.

[6:25]So when it comes when it comes to finding someone and beginning

[6:35]that it's not as easy especially if you are a practicing Muslim

[6:37]you have to balance between your religion you don't want to cross

[6:41]the line where's haram where's halal where's haram you have also cultural

[6:45]norms there's a lot of cultures they're very powerful and they dictate

[6:50]this is something that you have to do this is it needs

[6:53]to be done in this particular way now The culture might not

[6:55]necessarily be in line with religion, might not go against religion, but

[7:02]in many societies, many communities, culture has to be respected.

[7:06]Otherwise, it's a taboo.

[7:07]Otherwise, you are doing something that is wrong.

[7:10]And you also have to manage between um family traditions, religious restrictions,

[7:16]cultural norms, all of these.

[7:17]So, it becomes a little bit difficult.

[7:19]Now, what is the approach?

[7:22]What are some different types of approaches that people have when it

[7:25]comes to marriage?

[7:28]There is right now we live in a society 2026 and the

[7:34]approach that is pushed on people is the liberal approach, the secular

[7:39]approach.

[7:40]the approach that keeps religion out of the way.

[7:44]And watch Hollywood, watch these movies, how they talk to one another,

[7:48]how he comes and he charms her and he gets her attention

[7:52]and he drives up to her house and he picks her up

[7:54]for prom and then he comes and he tells her, "Ya Allah,

[7:58]let's go." And and that's it.

[7:59]They live happily ever after.

[8:00]This is the approach that Hollywood shows you.

[8:04]This is the approach that movies show you.

[8:07]And especially now with the use of social media, a lot of

[8:11]people they say, "Yeah, this is probably what I'm going to do.

[8:16]I'm just going to um as they say, slide in her DMs

[8:18]and I'm going to send a nice message.

[8:21]I'm going to use a halal pickup line." You know, I was

[8:28]looking at some of these halal cheesy pickup lines.

[8:31]For example, one of them it says, "Are you fud?

[8:33]Because I miss you every day." or another one is I'd like

[8:38]to be more than just your brother in Islam.

[8:41]So these he comes and he says one of these lines and

[8:43]that's it.

[8:45]It's secured.

[8:46]This is how some people think it is.

[8:48]It's as easy as that.

[8:50]when in reality while social media is supposed to make our lives

[8:59]easier but this could be something that is very problematic if someone

[9:04]just relies on social media just relies on sending a message and

[9:09]talking to someone through only the use of social media without in-person

[9:14]contact without a real way to connect with a person you find

[9:20]that this will bring many problems s from amongst the problems.

[9:23]Number one is that on social media, the personalities are filtered.

[9:27]When you go and you create your account on these Facebook or

[9:33]Twitter or Instagram or all of these sites and there are some,

[9:40]you know, sites that are used to get to know and networking

[9:43]and socializing.

[9:44]Do people put everything on there?

[9:49]Do people put the bad and the ugly?

[9:52]No, people only put the image that they want everyone else to

[9:55]see.

[9:56]They're not going to put the ugly out there.

[9:59]And sometimes you might be talking to someone.

[10:02]You probably talk to this person every day.

[10:04]You probably talk to this person for a month, for two months,

[10:09]for a year.

[10:08]And you will not be able to know the real personality of

[10:11]this person because people could hide their personality.

[10:13]People could pick and choose what they want to make their identity

[10:18]seem on online and this is why this is something that is

[10:25]very dangerous.

[10:23]So the use of social media when you meet someone online you

[10:30]don't really know that that is exactly who this person is claiming

[10:33]to be.

[10:34]Maybe they could put a different picture maybe they could talk in

[10:37]a very charming way.

[10:38]You know some people now even with that they use chat GPT.

[10:42]They don't know how to how to carry a conversation.

[10:45]They copy, you know, this was what told what what they told

[10:47]me.

[10:48]How should I respond in a very romantic way?

[10:51]And then they and then they get a response.

[10:54]So, this is one.

[10:54]Number two, the use of social media, if it's used too much,

[11:01]it could ruin a person's reputation.

[11:03]There are some guys, they're, you know, every day they're going to,

[11:08]okay, I'm going to send a message to this girl.

[11:10]I'm going to send a message to that girl.

[11:12]I'm going to talk to this person here and there.

[11:13]Slowly your reputation is going to get ruined because when you keep

[11:18]messaging, they're not going to know.

[11:22]Maybe in initially your intention was pure.

[11:25]Maybe initially your intention was to get married, was to start a

[11:30]family.

[11:30]But after once, twice, three times you're talking to this person for

[11:33]a few weeks, this person for a few months, eventually you're going

[11:36]to be labeled as what?

[11:39]As a player, right?

[11:39]you're going to be labeled as someone who is just trying to

[11:43]take advantage of people.

[11:45]You're just trying to you just want to have a good time

[11:46]and you just want to talk to girls.

[11:48]And this is why this is something that is very dangerous.

[11:52]If it happens too much, your reputation is going to get ruined.

[11:55]And if a girl is too receptive, too accepting, anytime someone messages

[12:01]me, anytime someone reaches out to me, right away I oh I

[12:05]have to be nice and I have to respond.

[12:09]Eventually the reputation of the girl is also going to get ruined.

[12:12]And this is why social media could become very dangerous.

[12:16]It's a tool that is used to connect us with one another.

[12:18]But it could ruin reputations.

[12:19]It could ruin your life.

[12:21]And the third reason why it becomes very dangerous is that sometimes

[12:28]maybe you have in mind someone that you want to marry.

[12:31]You have in mind some qualities, some characteristics.

[12:34]But because you talk to someone and then of course you don't

[12:38]know people people they come and they bring their best online.

[12:43]You could get emotionally caught up with someone that you're not really

[12:48]interested in and then it becomes very damaging.

[12:52]Now you're wasting your time.

[12:54]You're wasting your life.

[12:54]Months, weeks, years have passed.

[12:56]You're talking to someone but deep in the back of your head

[13:00]you know that I'm not going to marry this person.

[13:00]You know that this person is not good for me.

[13:03]But you're still allowing this conversation to carry on.

[13:07]And this could be something that is very problematic and it could

[13:11]cause very problems and it could cause emotional abuse, emotional damage to

[13:17]many people.

[13:16]And this is why the approach of social media and the liberal

[13:24]approach that we see as very common in our communities and our

[13:27]societies, this is not a very healthy approach.

[13:31]And then you see that there is a second type of approach

[13:35]and that is the conservative approach.

[13:38]The conservative approach.

[13:39]This is the approach that says no you know this is the

[13:44]way it was done back home in many of our countries back

[13:46]home where the young man and the girl that are getting married

[13:50]they don't even know what's going on.

[13:52]The parents they they've made the deal.

[13:54]They've done the conversation.

[13:54]They shook hands and they come and say okay this is the

[14:01]marriage that you're going to marry this person.

[14:02]This it might work for some people but for many people it

[14:08]doesn't work.

[14:09]For many people it doesn't work because at the end of the

[14:12]day you're not marrying you're you're marrying a person because of their

[14:16]tribe.

[14:17]You know inat they have this thing they call it mashia they

[14:21]love walking in in the of Imam Hussein they call it Mashia

[14:25]you know we're going to walk to Imam Hussein and when someone

[14:30]is getting married the man he has to take his whole tribe

[14:32]and he has to take all of the big heads in the

[14:36]family and the tribe and the community members and they have to

[14:38]all walk to the bride's the bride's uh house so they call

[14:44]it Messiah as well.

[14:44]So this could be nice.

[14:48]In some cultures it works, but in some societies it might not

[14:51]work.

[14:51]Why?

[14:52]Because you're marrying the person.

[14:53]You're not marrying the tribe that they're living in.

[14:57]You're not marrying the you're not marrying the the head of the

[15:00]tribe.

[15:01]You're marrying the person.

[15:01]So it could be very problematic as well.

[15:07]So I say there should be a third type, a third model.

[15:10]You don't have the full liberal model where the parents are not

[15:15]involved, the father has no say, the parents have no say, and

[15:21]not for the full traditional model where it's just tribes and the

[15:26]fathers and the parents, they make this deal.

[15:29]There should be a hybrid model.

[15:31]We live in 2026 and we could manage a marriage where the

[15:36]family's involved and the husband and the wife, they get to talk

[15:43]to one another and they have a a communication with one another.

[15:46]But it needs to be and this is this is the very

[15:51]sensitive and very tricky part.

[15:52]It needs to be under the supervision of the parents especially initially

[15:57]in the conversation especially for the father of the girl to give

[16:01]the green light.

[16:02]This is something that is very important in Islam.

[16:06]We have a concept of alwi allay the belongs to the father.

[16:13]The father has the final say.

[16:15]This does not mean that the father dictates who his daughter marries.

[16:18]No, this does not mean that the father comes and tells his

[16:21]daughter you have to marry fan and you have to marry this

[16:26]person.

[16:27]No, the father has the right to veto if there are certain

[16:31]qualities, certain characteristics that the father because he's the protector.

[16:36]He's the he's the one who Allah subhana wa ta'ala has given

[16:39]him that responsibility that duty to protect the family.

[16:45]the father because he's the protector.

[16:48]If he sees any red flags, if he sees anything that goes

[16:51]against the faith, not goes against for example his culture or oh

[16:56]I just don't like this guy.

[16:57]You don't like this guy for what reason?

[16:59]You have to have a reason.

[17:00]You don't you can't just come and say I just I'm not

[17:04]comfortable with him.

[17:04]He's not from my village.

[17:07]He's not from my tribe.

[17:07]He's not no this is this is not a valid reason.

[17:11]But for example you he comes and he says no he doesn't

[17:13]pray he drinks he does not have a a solid foundation when

[17:20]it comes to his faith when it comes to his these are

[17:23]valid.

[17:24]So here the father has the right to veto and this is

[17:30]the hybrid model where once the father gives the green light then

[17:34]if it's in a controlled in a safe atmosphere they begin talking

[17:40]to one another they get to know one another of course marriage

[17:42]is a decision marriage is something that Islam encourages people to make

[17:48]quickly but Allah subhana wa ta'ala does not want you to decide

[17:52]very quickly Allah wants you to put yourself in the position to

[17:55]get married.

[17:56]So don't say, "Well, I don't want to get married right now.

[17:58]I'll wait till I'm I'm 40.

[18:02]I'll wait till I'm 45." No.

[18:02]Say, "I'm going to try to get married." But don't rush who

[18:07]you are marrying.

[18:07]Once you find someone, make sure that you are making a very

[18:10]wellthoughtout decision.

[18:11]Cuz also one of the problems that we have many people deal

[18:15]with today is that they say, "Oh, I fell in love." And

[18:19]because they fell in love, right away they want to get married.

[18:22]And then six months later, they come and they're like, "I don't

[18:26]love him anymore." You know, I hear this all the time.

[18:28]They come and they say, "I'm not I don't love her anymore."

[18:31]That's it.

[18:33]We don't feel connected anymore.

[18:33]And I and when they're telling me this, I'm shocked.

[18:36]How?

[18:36]Weren't you in love?

[18:37]Weren't you the love birds with one another?

[18:40]Weren't you talking and giggling and doing all of that?

[18:44]What happened all of a sudden?

[18:45]This is because the foundation was not correctly.

[18:48]This is because you did not spend enough time talking to one

[18:53]another about what's important.

[18:53]Maybe you talked about the bridesmaids and the dress and the shoes

[18:57]and all these things, but you did not talk about the real

[19:02]major decisions, real major factors when it comes to the when it

[19:06]comes to the success and the prosperity of the marriage.

[19:10]So here this is something that is very important.

[19:13]But while you're having these conversations, it's very important and this these

[19:18]conversations could begin in school.

[19:20]These conversations could begin at work.

[19:22]These conversations could begin when you know young people they're talking, unmarried

[19:27]people they're talking.

[19:27]It's very important to safeguard yourself.

[19:31]That's something that is very important to protect yourself because you don't

[19:35]want to enter into a relationship enter into a bond with someone

[19:41]which is sacred which Allah subhana wa ta'ala has blessed but you

[19:46]begin it in a non-sacred way you begin it in a way

[19:51]that might be haram that might be breaking the boundaries of Allah

[19:55]subhana wa ta'ala so this is why it's very important to safeguard

[19:59]yourself some people they come and they say, "Oh, well, I'm going

[20:03]to marry him, so it's okay if I show him my body,

[20:04]for example.

[20:05]It's okay if I show him my hair because I've already made

[20:07]the decision to marry him." Well, if you have not married him

[20:12]yet, nothing is halal.

[20:12]And same with the guy.

[20:15]If you say, "Oh, this is the girl I'm going to marry,

[20:17]then then it's okay if we say things.

[20:19]If it's okay if we cross the line as long as the

[20:23]as long as the the marriage has not been done, you are

[20:27]strangers to one another.

[20:30]You you cannot have a relationship that crosses the boundaries if the

[20:34]kbikab has not done and this is where we see a lot

[20:38]of people maybe sometimes religious people they say but we're going to

[20:41]get married we've already he's already asked for my hand in marriage

[20:43]he's asked for your hand in marriage if the kbikab has not

[20:47]been done you still have to be careful the rules of Islam

[20:50]still apply the rules of halal and haram interaction still apply and

[20:55]this is something that is very important to safeguard yourself because when

[21:03]you safeguard yourself, you are showing this person who might be your

[21:07]future partner, you're showing him that I am a person that does

[21:09]not cross the boundaries with God.

[21:10]I'm a person that I follow the rules of Allah subhana wa

[21:15]tala.

[21:15]Even if you are going to marry this person the next day,

[21:17]the day before, you are not halal upon one another.

[21:21]Look at Allah subhana wa ta'ala gives us a very beautiful story

[21:26]in the Quran of prophet Musam.

[21:29]Prophet Musa Alisam the Quran mentions him the most.

[21:34]He's mentioned by name many times in the Quran over 200 times

[21:37]he's mentioned and Allah subhana wa ta'ala describes his story from when

[21:43]he his mother places him in the cradle then he goes in

[21:45]the home of and many other stories.

[21:47]One of the stories of Musa Alisam is when he becomes a

[21:54]fugitive.

[21:53]Mus he was born in Egypt.

[21:56]They take him in the house of he's raised in the house

[21:57]of Once he grows older he starts waking up and seeing the

[22:03]injustice that's being done to his own people to BI is and

[22:07]he does not like that because he's a man of morality.

[22:08]He's a man of principles and he sees one of the guards,

[22:15]one of the police, one of the men.

[22:18]He is being oppressive to one of his people.

[22:21]So Musa Alisam he goes to defend one of his people and

[22:24]Musa was very brave and very strong.

[22:27]He pushed the man gently.

[22:30]The man fell and died.

[22:31]Now Musa has become a fugitive.

[22:36]Now the authorities are chasing him and he escapes from Egypt and

[22:40]he goes to Median.

[22:40]They want to kill him.

[22:43]They want to capture him.

[22:44]Now he was living in the palace.

[22:47]He now he's all alone.

[22:50]He has no family.

[22:50]He has no wife.

[22:53]He has no money.

[22:56]He has nothing.

[22:54]And he goes to Median and he sees there's a water well

[23:03]and there are people all they're trying to collect the water from

[23:06]the well and there are these two girls, these two ladies.

[23:08]They have their livestock, their sheep with them and they're trying to

[23:12]take the water but they can't.

[23:15]Every time they get near the well to take the water, there

[23:17]are men men over there.

[23:21]So Musa Alisam, he was a real man.

[23:23]You know the men today are they're not really acting like men.

[23:25]He sees a lady who's in need.

[23:27]He sees ladies who are in need.

[23:29]What does he do?

[23:32]He goes and he volunteers to help.

[23:35]He tells them, "What's the issue?

[23:44]They say, and they also were very modest.

[23:46]They say, "We're not going to get in the middle of all

[23:53]these men and our father is an old man." See, he shows

[23:55]the chivalry and he shows the true masculinity and he sees a

[24:01]lady that's in need of help, he offers.

[24:04]And they also show the true feminine, the true modesty and chastity.

[24:08]They say, "We're not going to go in between these men because

[24:13]it's not an environment that a lady is supposed to be in.

[24:16]It's not a safe environment." So they're waiting.

[24:19]So now Musam, he was strong.

[24:23]He goes in between the men and they say that this bucket

[24:28]of water, it needed many men to carry it.

[24:28]Musam with one hand he carries the water and he comes and

[24:34]he gives them the water.

[24:36]He gives them the water.

[24:40]Then he goes and he sits under the shade of a tree.

[24:51]He goes and he sits under a tree and he says, "Oh

[24:55]Allah, I have become I have become poor.

[24:59]I have become empty-handed.

[25:00]I have become I own nothing from all of the that you

[25:05]come to me and I need it from you." Look at Musam.

[25:15]He does dua to Allah subhana wa ta'ala.

[25:17]He could have, you know, he could have come and used one

[25:22]of those cheesy pickup lines.

[25:23]He could have come and said something inappropriate, something that was not

[25:29]right.

[25:30]But Mus Alisam, he knows the halal and the haram.

[25:35]Musam, he knows what is right.

[25:37]And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala here, this is the part that I

[25:41]want everyone to pay attention in.

[25:45]you know the approach of finding a lot of people sometimes people

[25:48]they message me they're like say I'm going through depression I'm going

[25:52]through anxiety I'm going through stress because I cannot find the right

[25:56]person because I'm struggling in finding the right person this is a

[26:00]this is a type of heavyheartedness that some people feel and Allah

[26:06]subhanaa tala describes that if you are going through that what do

[26:09]you do Allah subhanana wa ta'ala says Allah says in the Quran

[26:30]if you have that resort to Allah subhana wa ta'ala resort to

[26:33]God and if you resort to God Allah says just as we

[26:38]saved you we will save you the imam he says this is

[26:45]talking to us this is not a story of only the prophets

[26:47]are saved no this is a story that has to do with

[26:50]every single one of us if you're going through difficulties if you're

[26:53]going through challenges who do you resort to first resort to Allah

[27:00]subhana wa ta'ala and if you do resort to Allah then you

[27:02]will find a solution he does this dua he had just given

[27:07]them the water the the dua was answered right away what happened.

[27:13]One of them comes and she's walking.

[27:20]You know what that means?

[27:23]That means she's walking with modesty.

[27:25]That means she's walking with chastity.

[27:27]This is also something that's missing in our societies right now.

[27:33]This is also missing in this world that we live in where

[27:36]there's no hay anymore.

[27:40]There's no shame.

[27:39]There's no modesty.

[27:42]There's no chastity.

[27:42]She comes to him.

[27:44]It's not that she does not come to him and she's sitting

[27:46]in a room and she's all locked up.

[27:47]No, she comes to him.

[27:51]But meaning that full hijab is being practiced, full modesty and chastity

[27:57]is being practiced.

[27:59]My father is calling you.

[28:04]My father wants to talk to you.

[28:06]My father wants to give you a reward because you helped us.

[28:13]When he comes to is the father of these girls and he

[28:20]ends up becoming the father-in-law of prophet Musam.

[28:21]When MS comes to him and he tells him his whole story

[28:26]that I'm a fugitive, they're running after me.

[28:30]This and that, what does he tell him?

[28:34]He tells him, don't be afraid.

[28:38]Now you're safe.

[28:38]Now you have come.

[28:41]You are taking refuge with and he was powerful.

[28:43]He was strong.

[28:46]Maybe he had a a place where no one was able to

[28:50]come and hurt prophet Musam.

[28:53]So he took him under his refuge.

[28:59]Now the the story continues.

[29:05]One of the girls, she was interested in MS, but she goes,

[29:09]she says it in the right way.

[29:11]She tells her father, "Oh my father, hire him.

[29:14]He's he's kawi.

[29:17]He's brave and he's a mean.

[29:19]He's trustworthy.

[29:18]And these are the signs of a true masculine man.

[29:22]Today we're looking for masculinity.

[29:23]You don't need to hit up the gym to be a masculine

[29:28]man or look at what Andrew Tay is saying.

[29:32]No, being real masculine is being and being a mean being trustworthy.

[29:38]This is something that is very important.

[29:40]So he tells him He says, "I want you to work for

[29:57]me.

[29:58]I you marry my uh marry one.

[30:01]I'll give you one of my daughters to marry, but you I

[30:05]need you to work for me for eight years.

[30:07]And if you want to finish it and complete it into 10,

[30:09]then that is from you." And this is what prophet Musa Alisam

[30:15]did.

[30:16]He stayed for 10 years with prophet.

[30:19]Then on his way back, he sees the fire and he becomes

[30:20]a prophet.

[30:22]Allah subhana ta tells him, "Go to now that you've built a

[30:29]family.

[30:28]Now that you've gotten married, now you're able to go and withstand

[30:34]and stand in front of because you need to strengthen yourself before

[30:38]you go and stand in front of someone like and there are

[30:41]many lessons from this beautiful story.

[30:43]One of them regarding the hijab and the modesty.

[30:47]The hadith says that when she came to call him to call

[30:50]prophet MS and then Musa had to follow her to go to

[30:56]the home of Shah when Musa was following her there some wind

[31:02]began to blow and her figure began to show her body began

[31:10]to show.

[31:07]So, Musa Alisam, he was a very a man who was afraid

[31:14]of Allah subhanana wa ta'ala.

[31:14]He tells her, "I'm going to walk in front of you and

[31:20]you walk behind me and you signal to me which way I

[31:24]go." Look at the modesty and chastity of prophet Musa Alisam.

[31:27]And this shows you that modesty goes both ways.

[31:30]Today, when we talk about hijab, a lot of guys, they're very

[31:32]quick to judge women.

[31:33]They're like, "Oh, look at how she's wearing, look at this, and

[31:37]look at that." But before you judge, ask yourself, are you looking?

[31:41]Are you one who's looking?

[31:42]Are you one who is also breaking the rules of hijab?

[31:46]So this is something that is very important.

[31:48]And this is these are the signs of masculinity that we learn

[31:52]from prophet Musa Alisam.

[31:52]Something that society right now is in need of.

[31:55]Look at all the powerful figures.

[31:56]Look at this whole war that's going on.

[31:59]It's because they they've they've gotten people and they blackmailed people because

[32:05]of their in inability to control their desires.

[32:07]Look at the Epstein files.

[32:11]A whole cover up is going on because of top men in

[32:13]power that have no morality and no ethics and they're easily blackmailed

[32:19]because they cannot control their temptations.

[32:23]And this is why marriage is important because marriage it comes and

[32:29]it closes that need where you are not in not put in

[32:32]a situation where you go and you humiliate yourself and you cause

[32:37]all of this trouble in your community and in your society.

[32:40]So here we see that because prophet Musam followed the rules of

[32:46]God he did that which Allah subhana wa ta'ala ordered him to

[32:49]do.

[32:50]Allah answered him.

[32:51]Allah answered him.

[32:52]When you try to have loopholes and when you do things that

[32:54]are wrong, you're not going to get your dua answered.

[32:58]But if you do things in the correct way, if you do

[33:02]things in a way that protects you and does not put you

[33:05]in harm's way, then Allah subhana wa ta'ala will guide you and

[33:11]Allah subhana wa ta'ala will show you the way because Allah has

[33:15]promised.

[33:20]So this is something that is very important to not fall in

[33:26]the haram and sometimes temptations could come to you even if you're

[33:29]not going to the temptations they'll come to you but you have

[33:31]to protect yourself look at prophet Ysefam temptations Ysef was tested with

[33:40]a test that is very difficult imagine the test that prophet Ysefam

[33:44]was tested where all of the women were after him in the

[33:47]community this is a test that probably 99% of men would fail.

[33:54]But Ysef, he says, "I would rather be placed in prison than

[34:05]break the laws of God because that will land me in a

[34:11]much more difficult prison." We don't see that.

[34:14]We our our view, our perspective is very shortsighted.

[34:18]We all we look for a quick enjoyment, a quick lust.

[34:25]But MSI and Prophet Ysef and the prophets of God, they say

[34:29]if I break, if I do something haram right now, this will

[34:31]damage what I have and it could potentially land me in a

[34:37]much difficult more difficult situation in the so this is why I'm

[34:40]going to protect myself.

[34:44]And this is something that is very important to try to protect

[34:50]yourself.

[34:49]How do you protect yourself?

[34:52]Don't put yourself in an atmosphere in an environment that is not

[34:58]healthy.

[34:56]You see someone is in a in a community or in a

[35:01]society or in an environment that is totally not healthy.

[35:04]You find them there and then they come and they say I

[35:07]want to get married.

[35:08]You want to get married in this place.

[35:10]This is not a healthy place for you to get married in.

[35:15]This is why he tells the Muslims be very careful from the

[35:23]green what they tell what's he tells them it's the green that

[35:28]grows in a very toxic place.

[35:32]Have you seen sometimes you're you drive by the dump where they

[35:35]they throw the trash and you see you see greenery is growing

[35:38]right by the trash that does not have roots.

[35:41]that does not have a foundation that is very toxic.

[35:46]It might look beautiful.

[35:46]It might be very appealing to the eyes but it is not

[35:51]good for you.

[35:50]This is something that is damaging.

[35:54]So this is something that is very important.

[35:55]Now some people they come and they say okay so how can

[36:00]I find someone?

[36:00]It's you have to put yourself in a healthy environment help put

[36:05]yourself in a healthy place.

[36:06]Maybe you have family members, you have aunts, you have uncles, you

[36:10]have relatives, you have a community, you have a mosque, you have

[36:14]people that you could meet, a network you everyone has a social

[36:21]network.

[36:21]It's either a network that is in a healthy environment or an

[36:24]unhealthy environment.

[36:24]You have to go to the healthy environment.

[36:26]Try to find yourself a spouse in a healthy environment.

[36:32]And if you do that then you will find and there's nothing

[36:36]wrong with expressing yourself for a man or for a woman.

[36:40]When we when we study the life of Khadijah or when we

[36:42]study the lives of the the the wife of Musa Alisam it

[36:48]was the lady Khadijah she comes and she displays her her interest

[36:54]inas in a very modest way.

[36:57]There's nothing wrong with that.

[36:58]the wife of Musa Alisam she tells her father come and hire

[37:04]him so it's not always our cultures come and say no it's

[37:05]only the man that has to do this no sometimes if it's

[37:09]done in a halal way in a way that is not breaking

[37:11]the rules of modesty and chastity then there is nothing wrong with

[37:17]that and something that is very important and I will conclude with

[37:21]this it's very important to be very direct and very clear when

[37:26]you're approaching someone for marriage Don't play games.

[37:30]Don't play games with people's emotions.

[37:32]Don't come and beat around the bush.

[37:34]If you really are interested, show that you're interested.

[37:36]If you're not interested, show that you're not interested.

[37:40]Show your intentions when you approach someone from the first day.

[37:45]Why?

[37:46]Because that way they'll know what you're going after.

[37:47]And if they're and and if you are not interested in someone,

[37:52]also be very clear.

[37:53]Don't say, "Oh, I'm afraid I'm going to break this person's heart."

[37:58]You break this person's heart now after the first or second or

[38:01]third meeting is better than breaking this person's heart after six months

[38:05]of trying to talk to you.

[38:05]Right?

[38:06]So be very clear.

[38:09]Don't beat around the bush.

[38:11]If you are very clear in your approach, in your intentions, in

[38:14]your approval or in your rejection, then you move on.

[38:19]If it's not good, then I move on.

[38:21]Okay, that was not good.

[38:24]I didn't waste my time.

[38:24]I didn't waste my life.

[38:25]I'm moving on to someone else.

[38:28]And if it was good, then you also move on.

[38:29]But just talking and talking and talking and spending days and months

[38:35]and weeks talking to one another, that's not getting you anywhere.

[38:39]This is something that is not healthy.

[38:42]So this is how you approach someone.

[38:44]And then once there's an agreement, then you talk.

[38:49]Once you meet someone, then you have to have a very solid

[38:52]agreement.

[38:52]There's it's something that's very important and I always suggest this with

[38:58]people getting married to have pre-marital counseling.

[38:59]People spend thousands of dollars postmarital counseling.

[39:03]People spend so much trying to fix the problem after they've gotten

[39:07]married.

[39:08]Talk, have these important conversations before you get married.

[39:10]It's going to save you the headache.

[39:12]It's going to save you the money.

[39:13]It's going to save you all of that.

[39:15]Before the marriage, you say, "This is how I want my marriage

[39:19]to be.

[39:18]This is my objective.

[39:20]This is my perspective of a marriage.

[39:22]If you're on the same page, if you're not on the same

[39:24]page, you go, each one goes their own way.

[39:27]And if you are on the same page, at least you go

[39:31]into the marriage knowing this is what my wife expects and this

[39:35]is what the husband expects.

[39:36]So this is something that is also very important.

[39:39]And finally, the kbikab has to be done.

[39:42]Once the kbikab has done, then you finished one obstacle.

[39:46]Now you start another headache.

[39:48]No, just kidding.

[39:51]you start another uh another chapter in your life where you have

[39:55]to try to also keep that marriage.

[39:58]Now you got married, you you you went through that process, now

[40:02]you have to keep that marriage and sustain that marriage.

[40:08]That's for another night.

[40:09]Alhamdulillah.

[40:32]All speech.

[41:15]Ramadan.

[41:21]for Muslim.

[41:50]for the souls of all of our all of your all of

[42:16]those who have asked us for dua throughout these nights.

[42:19]All of the SH of all of the Muslims, the shahada that

[42:26]are being killed these days as we are as we are safely

[42:28]living Ramadan, they are under the storm.

[42:31]They are under the fire.

[42:32]They are under the missiles.

[42:35]Let's pray for them.

[42:35]There are many shuhada.

[42:36]There are many that are in need of dua.

[42:38]We cannot forget them.

[42:40]My dear brothers and sisters, we have to keep remembering them in

[42:44]our duas.

[42:47]Let us recite before it a loud salawat.

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