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The Halal Way to Approach Someone for Marriage - Sayed Saleh Qazwini
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26/03/06
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Transcript
[0:06]Yeah.
[0:07]Cannot.
[0:18]Alhamdulillah.
[0:50]for your protection and for our to be accepted.
[1:02]One of the major milestones in a person's life is to get
[1:11]married and build a family.
[1:14]And through marriage, a person will be able to achieve many of
[1:20]the needs that they have.
[1:24]The psychological needs, the emotional needs, the spiritual needs, the physical needs,
[1:32]the social needs.
[1:35]All of these needs that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created us
[1:40]with, they are met through marriage.
[1:42]And this is why marriage is regarded as a sacred act in
[1:50]Islam.
[1:48]Marriage is not just something that people do just because they, you
[1:54]know, they've reached that point in their life.
[1:55]No, marriage is sacred in Islam.
[1:58]Marriage is holy in Islam.
[2:02]And this is why we see there are many hadith, many narrations
[2:06]from from the B that talk about the importance of completing your
[2:13]faith.
[2:12]that when you get married you have secured half of your faith
[2:18]or when a person gets married their prayers the reward of their
[2:22]prayers is multiplied 70 times more.
[2:25]So there are many benefits to marriage.
[2:30]Now when it comes to the topic of the marriage, this is
[2:36]for many of the youth, for many who are at the age
[2:40]of marriage, this is probably one of the most stressful topics that
[2:44]they could think about.
[2:48]It's a topic that you see, everyone has something to say.
[2:51]the family and the aunts and the grandmother and the parents and
[2:56]the friends and everyone around has an idea has an input to
[3:05]say and it is a very consequential decision.
[3:06]You're choosing to live with a person.
[3:10]You're making this huge decision in your life and it could become
[3:18]very stressful for a person and it is a very difficult decision
[3:21]that many people make because it determines this decision that you make
[3:26]will determine your happiness.
[3:29]Not just one year down the line, two years down the line,
[3:33]but we're talking about 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years.
[3:36]So this is the person that you're choosing to live with.
[3:40]This is the truth person that you're choosing to be with and
[3:43]this is why it is a topic that causes some stress.
[3:48]Now there are multiple angles to look at this topic.
[3:51]One is the importance of marriage and how important it is and
[3:56]how it's a form of protection.
[3:57]Another is who to get married to and another topic is for
[4:04]example how to prepare for marriage.
[4:08]I've discussed these topics in details in many other lectures.
[4:12]But one topic or one angle that I have not or I
[4:19]don't believe I've talked about uh recently is how to approach someone
[4:24]to get married.
[4:27]So what should the approach be?
[4:29]How should you initiate that conversation?
[4:32]How should you initiate that topic with people?
[4:37]And I know this probably sounds like a very common sense thing
[4:39]to do.
[4:41]You just approach someone and you ask for their hand in marriage
[4:44]or you show that you're interested in marrying this person.
[4:49]But in reality, this is a lot more tricky than you think.
[4:52]It's a lot more complicated than you think.
[4:55]A lot of people maybe they are ready to get married.
[4:57]Maybe they have their they have their their job, their career, everything
[5:03]is ready.
[5:04]But here's the big hurdle.
[5:06]There's a big roadblock is how do I come and approach someone
[5:11]to get married?
[5:11]How do I begin that conversation?
[5:13]How do I start this movement?
[5:16]It's not easy.
[5:18]Especially for the youth, especially for those who are probably younger, they
[5:25]don't have the experience.
[5:25]And it is a very difficult topic.
[5:30]And we live in an age of technology.
[5:33]We live in an age of communication.
[5:34]But in reality, many of us don't know how to communicate with
[5:37]one another because our form of communication is through social media.
[5:44]Our form of communication is through send sending a message, sending a
[5:48]text.
[5:48]This is all that we know how to communicate.
[5:52]We can't carry a real conversation.
[5:54]Why?
[5:53]Because of this technology, of the social media.
[5:56]It has deprived us of basic acts of communication.
[6:01]basic acts of holding a conversation.
[6:02]And you see this all the time.
[6:05]You see people are sitting in a room.
[6:06]Many times they're not even talking to one another.
[6:08]Everyone's on their phone because we don't know how to we lost
[6:13]we we forgot how to communicate with one another.
[6:16]We forgot how to have real conversations with one another because social
[6:22]media and technology has dictated even in in the way that we
[6:26]communicate with one another.
[6:25]So when it comes when it comes to finding someone and beginning
[6:35]that it's not as easy especially if you are a practicing Muslim
[6:37]you have to balance between your religion you don't want to cross
[6:41]the line where's haram where's halal where's haram you have also cultural
[6:45]norms there's a lot of cultures they're very powerful and they dictate
[6:50]this is something that you have to do this is it needs
[6:53]to be done in this particular way now The culture might not
[6:55]necessarily be in line with religion, might not go against religion, but
[7:02]in many societies, many communities, culture has to be respected.
[7:06]Otherwise, it's a taboo.
[7:07]Otherwise, you are doing something that is wrong.
[7:10]And you also have to manage between um family traditions, religious restrictions,
[7:16]cultural norms, all of these.
[7:17]So, it becomes a little bit difficult.
[7:19]Now, what is the approach?
[7:22]What are some different types of approaches that people have when it
[7:25]comes to marriage?
[7:28]There is right now we live in a society 2026 and the
[7:34]approach that is pushed on people is the liberal approach, the secular
[7:39]approach.
[7:40]the approach that keeps religion out of the way.
[7:44]And watch Hollywood, watch these movies, how they talk to one another,
[7:48]how he comes and he charms her and he gets her attention
[7:52]and he drives up to her house and he picks her up
[7:54]for prom and then he comes and he tells her, "Ya Allah,
[7:58]let's go." And and that's it.
[7:59]They live happily ever after.
[8:00]This is the approach that Hollywood shows you.
[8:04]This is the approach that movies show you.
[8:07]And especially now with the use of social media, a lot of
[8:11]people they say, "Yeah, this is probably what I'm going to do.
[8:16]I'm just going to um as they say, slide in her DMs
[8:18]and I'm going to send a nice message.
[8:21]I'm going to use a halal pickup line." You know, I was
[8:28]looking at some of these halal cheesy pickup lines.
[8:31]For example, one of them it says, "Are you fud?
[8:33]Because I miss you every day." or another one is I'd like
[8:38]to be more than just your brother in Islam.
[8:41]So these he comes and he says one of these lines and
[8:43]that's it.
[8:45]It's secured.
[8:46]This is how some people think it is.
[8:48]It's as easy as that.
[8:50]when in reality while social media is supposed to make our lives
[8:59]easier but this could be something that is very problematic if someone
[9:04]just relies on social media just relies on sending a message and
[9:09]talking to someone through only the use of social media without in-person
[9:14]contact without a real way to connect with a person you find
[9:20]that this will bring many problems s from amongst the problems.
[9:23]Number one is that on social media, the personalities are filtered.
[9:27]When you go and you create your account on these Facebook or
[9:33]Twitter or Instagram or all of these sites and there are some,
[9:40]you know, sites that are used to get to know and networking
[9:43]and socializing.
[9:44]Do people put everything on there?
[9:49]Do people put the bad and the ugly?
[9:52]No, people only put the image that they want everyone else to
[9:55]see.
[9:56]They're not going to put the ugly out there.
[9:59]And sometimes you might be talking to someone.
[10:02]You probably talk to this person every day.
[10:04]You probably talk to this person for a month, for two months,
[10:09]for a year.
[10:08]And you will not be able to know the real personality of
[10:11]this person because people could hide their personality.
[10:13]People could pick and choose what they want to make their identity
[10:18]seem on online and this is why this is something that is
[10:25]very dangerous.
[10:23]So the use of social media when you meet someone online you
[10:30]don't really know that that is exactly who this person is claiming
[10:33]to be.
[10:34]Maybe they could put a different picture maybe they could talk in
[10:37]a very charming way.
[10:38]You know some people now even with that they use chat GPT.
[10:42]They don't know how to how to carry a conversation.
[10:45]They copy, you know, this was what told what what they told
[10:47]me.
[10:48]How should I respond in a very romantic way?
[10:51]And then they and then they get a response.
[10:54]So, this is one.
[10:54]Number two, the use of social media, if it's used too much,
[11:01]it could ruin a person's reputation.
[11:03]There are some guys, they're, you know, every day they're going to,
[11:08]okay, I'm going to send a message to this girl.
[11:10]I'm going to send a message to that girl.
[11:12]I'm going to talk to this person here and there.
[11:13]Slowly your reputation is going to get ruined because when you keep
[11:18]messaging, they're not going to know.
[11:22]Maybe in initially your intention was pure.
[11:25]Maybe initially your intention was to get married, was to start a
[11:30]family.
[11:30]But after once, twice, three times you're talking to this person for
[11:33]a few weeks, this person for a few months, eventually you're going
[11:36]to be labeled as what?
[11:39]As a player, right?
[11:39]you're going to be labeled as someone who is just trying to
[11:43]take advantage of people.
[11:45]You're just trying to you just want to have a good time
[11:46]and you just want to talk to girls.
[11:48]And this is why this is something that is very dangerous.
[11:52]If it happens too much, your reputation is going to get ruined.
[11:55]And if a girl is too receptive, too accepting, anytime someone messages
[12:01]me, anytime someone reaches out to me, right away I oh I
[12:05]have to be nice and I have to respond.
[12:09]Eventually the reputation of the girl is also going to get ruined.
[12:12]And this is why social media could become very dangerous.
[12:16]It's a tool that is used to connect us with one another.
[12:18]But it could ruin reputations.
[12:19]It could ruin your life.
[12:21]And the third reason why it becomes very dangerous is that sometimes
[12:28]maybe you have in mind someone that you want to marry.
[12:31]You have in mind some qualities, some characteristics.
[12:34]But because you talk to someone and then of course you don't
[12:38]know people people they come and they bring their best online.
[12:43]You could get emotionally caught up with someone that you're not really
[12:48]interested in and then it becomes very damaging.
[12:52]Now you're wasting your time.
[12:54]You're wasting your life.
[12:54]Months, weeks, years have passed.
[12:56]You're talking to someone but deep in the back of your head
[13:00]you know that I'm not going to marry this person.
[13:00]You know that this person is not good for me.
[13:03]But you're still allowing this conversation to carry on.
[13:07]And this could be something that is very problematic and it could
[13:11]cause very problems and it could cause emotional abuse, emotional damage to
[13:17]many people.
[13:16]And this is why the approach of social media and the liberal
[13:24]approach that we see as very common in our communities and our
[13:27]societies, this is not a very healthy approach.
[13:31]And then you see that there is a second type of approach
[13:35]and that is the conservative approach.
[13:38]The conservative approach.
[13:39]This is the approach that says no you know this is the
[13:44]way it was done back home in many of our countries back
[13:46]home where the young man and the girl that are getting married
[13:50]they don't even know what's going on.
[13:52]The parents they they've made the deal.
[13:54]They've done the conversation.
[13:54]They shook hands and they come and say okay this is the
[14:01]marriage that you're going to marry this person.
[14:02]This it might work for some people but for many people it
[14:08]doesn't work.
[14:09]For many people it doesn't work because at the end of the
[14:12]day you're not marrying you're you're marrying a person because of their
[14:16]tribe.
[14:17]You know inat they have this thing they call it mashia they
[14:21]love walking in in the of Imam Hussein they call it Mashia
[14:25]you know we're going to walk to Imam Hussein and when someone
[14:30]is getting married the man he has to take his whole tribe
[14:32]and he has to take all of the big heads in the
[14:36]family and the tribe and the community members and they have to
[14:38]all walk to the bride's the bride's uh house so they call
[14:44]it Messiah as well.
[14:44]So this could be nice.
[14:48]In some cultures it works, but in some societies it might not
[14:51]work.
[14:51]Why?
[14:52]Because you're marrying the person.
[14:53]You're not marrying the tribe that they're living in.
[14:57]You're not marrying the you're not marrying the the head of the
[15:00]tribe.
[15:01]You're marrying the person.
[15:01]So it could be very problematic as well.
[15:07]So I say there should be a third type, a third model.
[15:10]You don't have the full liberal model where the parents are not
[15:15]involved, the father has no say, the parents have no say, and
[15:21]not for the full traditional model where it's just tribes and the
[15:26]fathers and the parents, they make this deal.
[15:29]There should be a hybrid model.
[15:31]We live in 2026 and we could manage a marriage where the
[15:36]family's involved and the husband and the wife, they get to talk
[15:43]to one another and they have a a communication with one another.
[15:46]But it needs to be and this is this is the very
[15:51]sensitive and very tricky part.
[15:52]It needs to be under the supervision of the parents especially initially
[15:57]in the conversation especially for the father of the girl to give
[16:01]the green light.
[16:02]This is something that is very important in Islam.
[16:06]We have a concept of alwi allay the belongs to the father.
[16:13]The father has the final say.
[16:15]This does not mean that the father dictates who his daughter marries.
[16:18]No, this does not mean that the father comes and tells his
[16:21]daughter you have to marry fan and you have to marry this
[16:26]person.
[16:27]No, the father has the right to veto if there are certain
[16:31]qualities, certain characteristics that the father because he's the protector.
[16:36]He's the he's the one who Allah subhana wa ta'ala has given
[16:39]him that responsibility that duty to protect the family.
[16:45]the father because he's the protector.
[16:48]If he sees any red flags, if he sees anything that goes
[16:51]against the faith, not goes against for example his culture or oh
[16:56]I just don't like this guy.
[16:57]You don't like this guy for what reason?
[16:59]You have to have a reason.
[17:00]You don't you can't just come and say I just I'm not
[17:04]comfortable with him.
[17:04]He's not from my village.
[17:07]He's not from my tribe.
[17:07]He's not no this is this is not a valid reason.
[17:11]But for example you he comes and he says no he doesn't
[17:13]pray he drinks he does not have a a solid foundation when
[17:20]it comes to his faith when it comes to his these are
[17:23]valid.
[17:24]So here the father has the right to veto and this is
[17:30]the hybrid model where once the father gives the green light then
[17:34]if it's in a controlled in a safe atmosphere they begin talking
[17:40]to one another they get to know one another of course marriage
[17:42]is a decision marriage is something that Islam encourages people to make
[17:48]quickly but Allah subhana wa ta'ala does not want you to decide
[17:52]very quickly Allah wants you to put yourself in the position to
[17:55]get married.
[17:56]So don't say, "Well, I don't want to get married right now.
[17:58]I'll wait till I'm I'm 40.
[18:02]I'll wait till I'm 45." No.
[18:02]Say, "I'm going to try to get married." But don't rush who
[18:07]you are marrying.
[18:07]Once you find someone, make sure that you are making a very
[18:10]wellthoughtout decision.
[18:11]Cuz also one of the problems that we have many people deal
[18:15]with today is that they say, "Oh, I fell in love." And
[18:19]because they fell in love, right away they want to get married.
[18:22]And then six months later, they come and they're like, "I don't
[18:26]love him anymore." You know, I hear this all the time.
[18:28]They come and they say, "I'm not I don't love her anymore."
[18:31]That's it.
[18:33]We don't feel connected anymore.
[18:33]And I and when they're telling me this, I'm shocked.
[18:36]How?
[18:36]Weren't you in love?
[18:37]Weren't you the love birds with one another?
[18:40]Weren't you talking and giggling and doing all of that?
[18:44]What happened all of a sudden?
[18:45]This is because the foundation was not correctly.
[18:48]This is because you did not spend enough time talking to one
[18:53]another about what's important.
[18:53]Maybe you talked about the bridesmaids and the dress and the shoes
[18:57]and all these things, but you did not talk about the real
[19:02]major decisions, real major factors when it comes to the when it
[19:06]comes to the success and the prosperity of the marriage.
[19:10]So here this is something that is very important.
[19:13]But while you're having these conversations, it's very important and this these
[19:18]conversations could begin in school.
[19:20]These conversations could begin at work.
[19:22]These conversations could begin when you know young people they're talking, unmarried
[19:27]people they're talking.
[19:27]It's very important to safeguard yourself.
[19:31]That's something that is very important to protect yourself because you don't
[19:35]want to enter into a relationship enter into a bond with someone
[19:41]which is sacred which Allah subhana wa ta'ala has blessed but you
[19:46]begin it in a non-sacred way you begin it in a way
[19:51]that might be haram that might be breaking the boundaries of Allah
[19:55]subhana wa ta'ala so this is why it's very important to safeguard
[19:59]yourself some people they come and they say, "Oh, well, I'm going
[20:03]to marry him, so it's okay if I show him my body,
[20:04]for example.
[20:05]It's okay if I show him my hair because I've already made
[20:07]the decision to marry him." Well, if you have not married him
[20:12]yet, nothing is halal.
[20:12]And same with the guy.
[20:15]If you say, "Oh, this is the girl I'm going to marry,
[20:17]then then it's okay if we say things.
[20:19]If it's okay if we cross the line as long as the
[20:23]as long as the the marriage has not been done, you are
[20:27]strangers to one another.
[20:30]You you cannot have a relationship that crosses the boundaries if the
[20:34]kbikab has not done and this is where we see a lot
[20:38]of people maybe sometimes religious people they say but we're going to
[20:41]get married we've already he's already asked for my hand in marriage
[20:43]he's asked for your hand in marriage if the kbikab has not
[20:47]been done you still have to be careful the rules of Islam
[20:50]still apply the rules of halal and haram interaction still apply and
[20:55]this is something that is very important to safeguard yourself because when
[21:03]you safeguard yourself, you are showing this person who might be your
[21:07]future partner, you're showing him that I am a person that does
[21:09]not cross the boundaries with God.
[21:10]I'm a person that I follow the rules of Allah subhana wa
[21:15]tala.
[21:15]Even if you are going to marry this person the next day,
[21:17]the day before, you are not halal upon one another.
[21:21]Look at Allah subhana wa ta'ala gives us a very beautiful story
[21:26]in the Quran of prophet Musam.
[21:29]Prophet Musa Alisam the Quran mentions him the most.
[21:34]He's mentioned by name many times in the Quran over 200 times
[21:37]he's mentioned and Allah subhana wa ta'ala describes his story from when
[21:43]he his mother places him in the cradle then he goes in
[21:45]the home of and many other stories.
[21:47]One of the stories of Musa Alisam is when he becomes a
[21:54]fugitive.
[21:53]Mus he was born in Egypt.
[21:56]They take him in the house of he's raised in the house
[21:57]of Once he grows older he starts waking up and seeing the
[22:03]injustice that's being done to his own people to BI is and
[22:07]he does not like that because he's a man of morality.
[22:08]He's a man of principles and he sees one of the guards,
[22:15]one of the police, one of the men.
[22:18]He is being oppressive to one of his people.
[22:21]So Musa Alisam he goes to defend one of his people and
[22:24]Musa was very brave and very strong.
[22:27]He pushed the man gently.
[22:30]The man fell and died.
[22:31]Now Musa has become a fugitive.
[22:36]Now the authorities are chasing him and he escapes from Egypt and
[22:40]he goes to Median.
[22:40]They want to kill him.
[22:43]They want to capture him.
[22:44]Now he was living in the palace.
[22:47]He now he's all alone.
[22:50]He has no family.
[22:50]He has no wife.
[22:53]He has no money.
[22:56]He has nothing.
[22:54]And he goes to Median and he sees there's a water well
[23:03]and there are people all they're trying to collect the water from
[23:06]the well and there are these two girls, these two ladies.
[23:08]They have their livestock, their sheep with them and they're trying to
[23:12]take the water but they can't.
[23:15]Every time they get near the well to take the water, there
[23:17]are men men over there.
[23:21]So Musa Alisam, he was a real man.
[23:23]You know the men today are they're not really acting like men.
[23:25]He sees a lady who's in need.
[23:27]He sees ladies who are in need.
[23:29]What does he do?
[23:32]He goes and he volunteers to help.
[23:35]He tells them, "What's the issue?
[23:44]They say, and they also were very modest.
[23:46]They say, "We're not going to get in the middle of all
[23:53]these men and our father is an old man." See, he shows
[23:55]the chivalry and he shows the true masculinity and he sees a
[24:01]lady that's in need of help, he offers.
[24:04]And they also show the true feminine, the true modesty and chastity.
[24:08]They say, "We're not going to go in between these men because
[24:13]it's not an environment that a lady is supposed to be in.
[24:16]It's not a safe environment." So they're waiting.
[24:19]So now Musam, he was strong.
[24:23]He goes in between the men and they say that this bucket
[24:28]of water, it needed many men to carry it.
[24:28]Musam with one hand he carries the water and he comes and
[24:34]he gives them the water.
[24:36]He gives them the water.
[24:40]Then he goes and he sits under the shade of a tree.
[24:51]He goes and he sits under a tree and he says, "Oh
[24:55]Allah, I have become I have become poor.
[24:59]I have become empty-handed.
[25:00]I have become I own nothing from all of the that you
[25:05]come to me and I need it from you." Look at Musam.
[25:15]He does dua to Allah subhana wa ta'ala.
[25:17]He could have, you know, he could have come and used one
[25:22]of those cheesy pickup lines.
[25:23]He could have come and said something inappropriate, something that was not
[25:29]right.
[25:30]But Mus Alisam, he knows the halal and the haram.
[25:35]Musam, he knows what is right.
[25:37]And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala here, this is the part that I
[25:41]want everyone to pay attention in.
[25:45]you know the approach of finding a lot of people sometimes people
[25:48]they message me they're like say I'm going through depression I'm going
[25:52]through anxiety I'm going through stress because I cannot find the right
[25:56]person because I'm struggling in finding the right person this is a
[26:00]this is a type of heavyheartedness that some people feel and Allah
[26:06]subhanaa tala describes that if you are going through that what do
[26:09]you do Allah subhanana wa ta'ala says Allah says in the Quran
[26:30]if you have that resort to Allah subhana wa ta'ala resort to
[26:33]God and if you resort to God Allah says just as we
[26:38]saved you we will save you the imam he says this is
[26:45]talking to us this is not a story of only the prophets
[26:47]are saved no this is a story that has to do with
[26:50]every single one of us if you're going through difficulties if you're
[26:53]going through challenges who do you resort to first resort to Allah
[27:00]subhana wa ta'ala and if you do resort to Allah then you
[27:02]will find a solution he does this dua he had just given
[27:07]them the water the the dua was answered right away what happened.
[27:13]One of them comes and she's walking.
[27:20]You know what that means?
[27:23]That means she's walking with modesty.
[27:25]That means she's walking with chastity.
[27:27]This is also something that's missing in our societies right now.
[27:33]This is also missing in this world that we live in where
[27:36]there's no hay anymore.
[27:40]There's no shame.
[27:39]There's no modesty.
[27:42]There's no chastity.
[27:42]She comes to him.
[27:44]It's not that she does not come to him and she's sitting
[27:46]in a room and she's all locked up.
[27:47]No, she comes to him.
[27:51]But meaning that full hijab is being practiced, full modesty and chastity
[27:57]is being practiced.
[27:59]My father is calling you.
[28:04]My father wants to talk to you.
[28:06]My father wants to give you a reward because you helped us.
[28:13]When he comes to is the father of these girls and he
[28:20]ends up becoming the father-in-law of prophet Musam.
[28:21]When MS comes to him and he tells him his whole story
[28:26]that I'm a fugitive, they're running after me.
[28:30]This and that, what does he tell him?
[28:34]He tells him, don't be afraid.
[28:38]Now you're safe.
[28:38]Now you have come.
[28:41]You are taking refuge with and he was powerful.
[28:43]He was strong.
[28:46]Maybe he had a a place where no one was able to
[28:50]come and hurt prophet Musam.
[28:53]So he took him under his refuge.
[28:59]Now the the story continues.
[29:05]One of the girls, she was interested in MS, but she goes,
[29:09]she says it in the right way.
[29:11]She tells her father, "Oh my father, hire him.
[29:14]He's he's kawi.
[29:17]He's brave and he's a mean.
[29:19]He's trustworthy.
[29:18]And these are the signs of a true masculine man.
[29:22]Today we're looking for masculinity.
[29:23]You don't need to hit up the gym to be a masculine
[29:28]man or look at what Andrew Tay is saying.
[29:32]No, being real masculine is being and being a mean being trustworthy.
[29:38]This is something that is very important.
[29:40]So he tells him He says, "I want you to work for
[29:57]me.
[29:58]I you marry my uh marry one.
[30:01]I'll give you one of my daughters to marry, but you I
[30:05]need you to work for me for eight years.
[30:07]And if you want to finish it and complete it into 10,
[30:09]then that is from you." And this is what prophet Musa Alisam
[30:15]did.
[30:16]He stayed for 10 years with prophet.
[30:19]Then on his way back, he sees the fire and he becomes
[30:20]a prophet.
[30:22]Allah subhana ta tells him, "Go to now that you've built a
[30:29]family.
[30:28]Now that you've gotten married, now you're able to go and withstand
[30:34]and stand in front of because you need to strengthen yourself before
[30:38]you go and stand in front of someone like and there are
[30:41]many lessons from this beautiful story.
[30:43]One of them regarding the hijab and the modesty.
[30:47]The hadith says that when she came to call him to call
[30:50]prophet MS and then Musa had to follow her to go to
[30:56]the home of Shah when Musa was following her there some wind
[31:02]began to blow and her figure began to show her body began
[31:10]to show.
[31:07]So, Musa Alisam, he was a very a man who was afraid
[31:14]of Allah subhanana wa ta'ala.
[31:14]He tells her, "I'm going to walk in front of you and
[31:20]you walk behind me and you signal to me which way I
[31:24]go." Look at the modesty and chastity of prophet Musa Alisam.
[31:27]And this shows you that modesty goes both ways.
[31:30]Today, when we talk about hijab, a lot of guys, they're very
[31:32]quick to judge women.
[31:33]They're like, "Oh, look at how she's wearing, look at this, and
[31:37]look at that." But before you judge, ask yourself, are you looking?
[31:41]Are you one who's looking?
[31:42]Are you one who is also breaking the rules of hijab?
[31:46]So this is something that is very important.
[31:48]And this is these are the signs of masculinity that we learn
[31:52]from prophet Musa Alisam.
[31:52]Something that society right now is in need of.
[31:55]Look at all the powerful figures.
[31:56]Look at this whole war that's going on.
[31:59]It's because they they've they've gotten people and they blackmailed people because
[32:05]of their in inability to control their desires.
[32:07]Look at the Epstein files.
[32:11]A whole cover up is going on because of top men in
[32:13]power that have no morality and no ethics and they're easily blackmailed
[32:19]because they cannot control their temptations.
[32:23]And this is why marriage is important because marriage it comes and
[32:29]it closes that need where you are not in not put in
[32:32]a situation where you go and you humiliate yourself and you cause
[32:37]all of this trouble in your community and in your society.
[32:40]So here we see that because prophet Musam followed the rules of
[32:46]God he did that which Allah subhana wa ta'ala ordered him to
[32:49]do.
[32:50]Allah answered him.
[32:51]Allah answered him.
[32:52]When you try to have loopholes and when you do things that
[32:54]are wrong, you're not going to get your dua answered.
[32:58]But if you do things in the correct way, if you do
[33:02]things in a way that protects you and does not put you
[33:05]in harm's way, then Allah subhana wa ta'ala will guide you and
[33:11]Allah subhana wa ta'ala will show you the way because Allah has
[33:15]promised.
[33:20]So this is something that is very important to not fall in
[33:26]the haram and sometimes temptations could come to you even if you're
[33:29]not going to the temptations they'll come to you but you have
[33:31]to protect yourself look at prophet Ysefam temptations Ysef was tested with
[33:40]a test that is very difficult imagine the test that prophet Ysefam
[33:44]was tested where all of the women were after him in the
[33:47]community this is a test that probably 99% of men would fail.
[33:54]But Ysef, he says, "I would rather be placed in prison than
[34:05]break the laws of God because that will land me in a
[34:11]much more difficult prison." We don't see that.
[34:14]We our our view, our perspective is very shortsighted.
[34:18]We all we look for a quick enjoyment, a quick lust.
[34:25]But MSI and Prophet Ysef and the prophets of God, they say
[34:29]if I break, if I do something haram right now, this will
[34:31]damage what I have and it could potentially land me in a
[34:37]much difficult more difficult situation in the so this is why I'm
[34:40]going to protect myself.
[34:44]And this is something that is very important to try to protect
[34:50]yourself.
[34:49]How do you protect yourself?
[34:52]Don't put yourself in an atmosphere in an environment that is not
[34:58]healthy.
[34:56]You see someone is in a in a community or in a
[35:01]society or in an environment that is totally not healthy.
[35:04]You find them there and then they come and they say I
[35:07]want to get married.
[35:08]You want to get married in this place.
[35:10]This is not a healthy place for you to get married in.
[35:15]This is why he tells the Muslims be very careful from the
[35:23]green what they tell what's he tells them it's the green that
[35:28]grows in a very toxic place.
[35:32]Have you seen sometimes you're you drive by the dump where they
[35:35]they throw the trash and you see you see greenery is growing
[35:38]right by the trash that does not have roots.
[35:41]that does not have a foundation that is very toxic.
[35:46]It might look beautiful.
[35:46]It might be very appealing to the eyes but it is not
[35:51]good for you.
[35:50]This is something that is damaging.
[35:54]So this is something that is very important.
[35:55]Now some people they come and they say okay so how can
[36:00]I find someone?
[36:00]It's you have to put yourself in a healthy environment help put
[36:05]yourself in a healthy place.
[36:06]Maybe you have family members, you have aunts, you have uncles, you
[36:10]have relatives, you have a community, you have a mosque, you have
[36:14]people that you could meet, a network you everyone has a social
[36:21]network.
[36:21]It's either a network that is in a healthy environment or an
[36:24]unhealthy environment.
[36:24]You have to go to the healthy environment.
[36:26]Try to find yourself a spouse in a healthy environment.
[36:32]And if you do that then you will find and there's nothing
[36:36]wrong with expressing yourself for a man or for a woman.
[36:40]When we when we study the life of Khadijah or when we
[36:42]study the lives of the the the wife of Musa Alisam it
[36:48]was the lady Khadijah she comes and she displays her her interest
[36:54]inas in a very modest way.
[36:57]There's nothing wrong with that.
[36:58]the wife of Musa Alisam she tells her father come and hire
[37:04]him so it's not always our cultures come and say no it's
[37:05]only the man that has to do this no sometimes if it's
[37:09]done in a halal way in a way that is not breaking
[37:11]the rules of modesty and chastity then there is nothing wrong with
[37:17]that and something that is very important and I will conclude with
[37:21]this it's very important to be very direct and very clear when
[37:26]you're approaching someone for marriage Don't play games.
[37:30]Don't play games with people's emotions.
[37:32]Don't come and beat around the bush.
[37:34]If you really are interested, show that you're interested.
[37:36]If you're not interested, show that you're not interested.
[37:40]Show your intentions when you approach someone from the first day.
[37:45]Why?
[37:46]Because that way they'll know what you're going after.
[37:47]And if they're and and if you are not interested in someone,
[37:52]also be very clear.
[37:53]Don't say, "Oh, I'm afraid I'm going to break this person's heart."
[37:58]You break this person's heart now after the first or second or
[38:01]third meeting is better than breaking this person's heart after six months
[38:05]of trying to talk to you.
[38:05]Right?
[38:06]So be very clear.
[38:09]Don't beat around the bush.
[38:11]If you are very clear in your approach, in your intentions, in
[38:14]your approval or in your rejection, then you move on.
[38:19]If it's not good, then I move on.
[38:21]Okay, that was not good.
[38:24]I didn't waste my time.
[38:24]I didn't waste my life.
[38:25]I'm moving on to someone else.
[38:28]And if it was good, then you also move on.
[38:29]But just talking and talking and talking and spending days and months
[38:35]and weeks talking to one another, that's not getting you anywhere.
[38:39]This is something that is not healthy.
[38:42]So this is how you approach someone.
[38:44]And then once there's an agreement, then you talk.
[38:49]Once you meet someone, then you have to have a very solid
[38:52]agreement.
[38:52]There's it's something that's very important and I always suggest this with
[38:58]people getting married to have pre-marital counseling.
[38:59]People spend thousands of dollars postmarital counseling.
[39:03]People spend so much trying to fix the problem after they've gotten
[39:07]married.
[39:08]Talk, have these important conversations before you get married.
[39:10]It's going to save you the headache.
[39:12]It's going to save you the money.
[39:13]It's going to save you all of that.
[39:15]Before the marriage, you say, "This is how I want my marriage
[39:19]to be.
[39:18]This is my objective.
[39:20]This is my perspective of a marriage.
[39:22]If you're on the same page, if you're not on the same
[39:24]page, you go, each one goes their own way.
[39:27]And if you are on the same page, at least you go
[39:31]into the marriage knowing this is what my wife expects and this
[39:35]is what the husband expects.
[39:36]So this is something that is also very important.
[39:39]And finally, the kbikab has to be done.
[39:42]Once the kbikab has done, then you finished one obstacle.
[39:46]Now you start another headache.
[39:48]No, just kidding.
[39:51]you start another uh another chapter in your life where you have
[39:55]to try to also keep that marriage.
[39:58]Now you got married, you you you went through that process, now
[40:02]you have to keep that marriage and sustain that marriage.
[40:08]That's for another night.
[40:09]Alhamdulillah.
[40:32]All speech.
[41:15]Ramadan.
[41:21]for Muslim.
[41:50]for the souls of all of our all of your all of
[42:16]those who have asked us for dua throughout these nights.
[42:19]All of the SH of all of the Muslims, the shahada that
[42:26]are being killed these days as we are as we are safely
[42:28]living Ramadan, they are under the storm.
[42:31]They are under the fire.
[42:32]They are under the missiles.
[42:35]Let's pray for them.
[42:35]There are many shuhada.
[42:36]There are many that are in need of dua.
[42:38]We cannot forget them.
[42:40]My dear brothers and sisters, we have to keep remembering them in
[42:44]our duas.
[42:47]Let us recite before it a loud salawat.
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