The Ethics of Complaining & Venting - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini | Night 3 - 2026 MYC Ramadan Program

5 المشاهدات· 26/02/21

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Topic: The Ethics of Complaining & Venting Speaker: Sayed Ahmed Qazwini Program: Night 3 of the 2026 MYC Ramadan Program Location: Islamic Institute of America - Dearborn Heights, MI, USA #islam #shia #muslim #sunni #ramadan #ramadankareem #ramadanmubarak #hijab #lecture #shahrramadan #eid #qazwini #prophetmuhammad #devil #sins #deeds #quarantine #myc #mycmedia #levels #shiavssunni #islamicfigure #hijab #porphetmuhammad #muhammad #fast #fasting #ethics #venting #complaining #mentalhealth

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Transcript

[0:02]Alhamdulillah.

[0:26]Good one.

[0:48]Oh, respected brothers and sisters, respected scholars, complaining and venting is a

[1:09]very interesting act that we human beings engage in.

[1:13]Whenever something bothers us, when we're upset, when we're distressed, when we're

[1:23]angry and mad, we look for someone to vent to, to complain

[1:26]to.

[1:27]Now, why do we do this?

[1:29]We do this because, simply said, it feels satisfying when you vent.

[1:37]It feels good to vent.

[1:38]Sometimes it's the best feeling that you can experience when you have

[1:43]someone that's lending their ear and you just vent to them.

[1:50]It's as if your grievances are burdening your chest and once you

[1:57]complain and vent you are releasing removing that burden off your chest.

[2:08]So the feeling of relief is exceptional when we vent and complain

[2:13]to others.

[2:13]When we're young, we begin venting at our mothers.

[2:19]Mothers, they bear the brunt of most of the kids venting.

[2:28]Obviously, if you're from a Arab family, you don't vent to your

[2:35]dad because you'll probably see a slipper come your way.

[2:36]So, you go to vent to your mom.

[2:41]You don't want to go to school.

[2:42]You don't like food, you complain to your mom.

[2:45]You don't like the medicine when you're sick, when you're tired, whatever

[2:49]it is that you are not happy with, you go to your

[2:54]mom and you complain and complain and complain.

[2:57]On the day of judgment, brothers and sisters, some of us we

[3:02]will see volumes that Allah has recorded just our venting and complains

[3:07]towards our mothers.

[3:08]That's why we really have to appreciate because it is really annoying

[3:15]when someone comes and vents and complains to you.

[3:16]But our mothers are so patient with us.

[3:19]We complain about everything.

[3:23]We're never happy.

[3:22]And yet they're so patient with us.

[3:25]And when they're older, they ask us to take the trash out.

[3:30]We complain.

[3:29]We don't want to do that.

[3:32]And they've been so patient with us.

[3:34]So when we're young, we take it out on our parents.

[3:35]When we get a little older, we still continue to vent.

[3:40]But now it's no longer towards our parents.

[3:44]When you become a teenager, now you're more likely to vent and

[3:49]complain to your friends.

[3:49]When you sit down with your friends, this is when you complain

[3:55]to them.

[3:54]You start complaining about your parents to your friends.

[3:59]Some people they learn how to use social media.

[4:01]They'll go on social media and they will complain and vent on

[4:07]social media.

[4:09]Why vent to six or seven friends when I have a thousand

[4:11]friends on Tik Tok, 5,000 friends on Instagram and I can vent

[4:18]to the whole world?

[4:18]That seems like a much better idea.

[4:21]There are individuals that pay that pay others so they listen to

[4:26]their venting.

[4:28]What is that called?

[4:29]Therapy, right?

[4:31]So you're willing to pay just so someone listens to you venting.

[4:35]That's how important it is.

[4:38]Once you get married, you're older, you start transitioning to venting and

[4:45]complaining to your spouse.

[4:45]You don't like your job.

[4:47]You don't like how someone treated you.

[4:49]It's a bad day.

[4:51]the weather is terrible.

[4:51]Like if you live in Michigan the last two months, then you

[4:55]complain to your wife.

[4:56]You complain to your husband.

[5:01]You vent and vent and vent.

[5:01]Now what happens when your marriage starts faltering?

[5:05]Who do you complain to?

[5:06]This is when you call the IIA.

[5:09]You call me or you call my respected father.

[5:12]And this is when you ask for an appointment.

[5:14]And I usually get many of these appointments.

[5:18]And when I see on my schedule it says someone is seeking

[5:23]advice for marital help.

[5:26]When they come in we tell them you have 30 minutes 29

[5:29]minutes they just talk.

[5:31]When I try to give that advice after one minute time is

[5:33]up and they're happy.

[5:36]Why?

[5:36]Because what I notice is many of them they don't really come

[5:38]for advice.

[5:39]They just want to vent.

[5:40]They just want to come and talk and talk and talk.

[5:44]They have to give me 23 examples of how the husband has

[5:50]anger issues right now.

[5:50]What does that serve?

[5:51]They're offloading and releasing all of that tension from their husband and

[5:55]they're throwing it on my head.

[6:00]So this is a part of life, brothers and sisters, that we

[6:03]love complaining and we love venting to others.

[6:07]Now, Islamically, is venting and complaining something acceptable or not?

[6:14]Because you will hear some individuals, they will tell you a true

[6:19]Muhamm submits to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[6:25]And if he or she complains, that means there's a problem in

[6:31]their dean, in their faith in Allahawel.

[6:33]That means they are objecting to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[6:39]A believer, if I'm a male, I have to man up.

[6:43]I have to suck it in.

[6:43]Do not complain.

[6:45]Some individuals will tell you this.

[6:47]But then again, there are others that will highlight we have hadiths

[6:52]where and the imams of Bates would complain.

[6:57]There are verses in the Quran that Allah shows us that some

[7:03]of his prophets would complain.

[7:03]So what is Islam's perspective on complaining?

[7:07]Is it okay for us to complain when we are hurt?

[7:13]Can we vent to other people when we are distressed, when we

[7:16]are angry, when we're upset, or is this haram?

[7:20]It's something that we have to stay away from.

[7:23]This is what I'd like to discuss tonight as I vent to

[7:27]you inshallah through my different notes inshallah tala.

[7:29]Now Islam brothers and sisters does not ban venting.

[7:36]There's nothing in Islam that says venting and complaining is categorically haram

[7:41]and you have to stay away from it.

[7:44]Islam tells us that you have to learn how to channel your

[7:46]venting.

[7:47]You have to learn how to channel and direct your complaints.

[7:52]You see the imams of they tell us that complaining to Allah

[8:00]subhanahu wa ta'ala is okay.

[8:05]There's nothing wrong with that.

[8:06]As long as, listen carefully.

[8:08]This is a big as long as or a big if.

[8:13]as long as you complain to Allah and not about Allah.

[8:18]Now what's the difference between these two?

[8:20]The differences in words is very basic.

[8:24]It's very small.

[8:27]Complain to Allah versus complain about Allah.

[8:31]It's only two words to about.

[8:33]But the difference in meaning is huge.

[8:35]The imams ofam tell us you can complain to Allah but make

[8:40]sure that it does not turn into complaining about Allah.

[8:45]What is complaining to Allah?

[8:47]Complaining to Allah is what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala describes in the

[8:53]Quran what prophet did.

[8:54]Prophet was the father of prophet Ysef.

[8:58]He loved his son Ysef more than anything.

[9:01]But at a young age, he lost his son.

[9:05]His brothers took him.

[9:08]They threw him in the well.

[9:10]They came to the father.

[9:10]They said, "The wolf ate our brother.

[9:14]And he was separated from Yousef, the son that he loved so

[9:23]much for how many years?" For 40 years.

[9:27]The Quran tells us that he cried and cried and cried until

[9:32]he lost his vision.

[9:34]He drove everyone crazy around him until one day his sons came

[9:42]to him.

[9:44]The people of the village, they came to himsef.

[9:48]When are you going to stop complaining about Ysef?

[9:53]Yousef.

[9:53]That's all you complain about the whole day.

[9:56]I want my son Yousef.

[9:57]I lost my son Yousef.

[10:00]Are you ever going to get over your son Yousef?

[10:01]You're going to die.

[10:04]So quit complaining.

[10:05]Look at how prophet replied.

[10:10]He didn't tell them, "I'm not complaining." No.

[10:15]He said, "I am complaining." Yes, but I am complaining to Allah.

[10:22]not complaining to you and I'm not complaining about Allah.

[10:32]In Arabic means what?

[10:35]Means complain.

[10:37]So prophet tells his sons, "Yes, I am complaining.

[10:42]I'm complaining my grief and my sorrow, but to Allah subhanahu wa

[10:48]ta'ala." Complaining to Allah is okay.

[10:50]And Imm Ali Alisam in one hadith he encourages he encourages us

[10:57]he says if you're suffering if you have distress in your life

[11:00]agony turn to Allah and complain to Allah subhanana wa ta'ala but

[11:04]what does complain to Allah really mean complain to Allah subhanahu wa

[11:10]ta'ala means tell him about the pain that you're going through.

[11:17]Tell him about how you feel.

[11:20]Ya Allah, I'm in pain.

[11:20]Ya Allah, I'm weak.

[11:24]Ya Allah, I'm vulnerable.

[11:24]And then tell him how much you need him.

[11:28]Ya Allah, I need you in my life.

[11:30]Ya Allah, without you, I can't live.

[11:33]And then ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[11:36]Tell him, "Ya Allah, please help me." This is still whining and

[11:40]complaining.

[11:41]But this is good complaining.

[11:44]This is complaining to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that prophet did and

[11:50]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala praises him for that.

[11:54]What you have to be careful of is to make sure that

[12:00]you don't complain about Allah.

[12:01]This is what we have to be careful of.

[12:04]When does my complaining and venting turn into complaining about Allah?

[12:10]Two examples that the imams tell us, two ways where your complaint

[12:17]turns negative, it turns into complaining about Allah.

[12:20]Number one, the first way that your complaint will turn against Allah

[12:26]about Allah is if you complain while you question the authority and

[12:33]the planning of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[12:36]You see prophet when he cried to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala he

[12:42]expressed his vulnerability he expressed to him how much he misses you

[12:47]but something he never said why me ya Allah why did you

[12:54]have to take you I have 11 kids how many of our

[12:59]parents tell us that how many I hope no one says me

[13:05]our parents should not be telling us that but if had said

[13:08]that ya Allah I have so many kids why yousef or why

[13:13]me there's so many people ya Allah life is not fair this

[13:18]would have turned into complaining about Allah and this is something that

[13:22]prophet never did because he's a prophet of Allah subhana wa ta'ala

[13:29]what's the problem with saying why me the problem is you're assuming

[13:34]or you're implying that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is unjust.

[13:39]It's as if Allah has nothing to do but he comes and

[13:43]he picks on you out of everybody.

[13:45]Why me?

[13:44]Ya Allah, the guy sitting next to me.

[13:46]Why me?

[13:47]Allah says, "No, no, no, Anna.

[13:51]I have a personal issue with you.

[13:53]Why?

[13:51]That's injustice.

[13:53]That doesn't make sense.

[13:55]If you think that Allah is singling you out out of everybody

[14:01]and he has a problem with you specifically, that means you believe

[14:06]Allah is unjust.

[14:06]You see how now it's part of a bigger problem.

[14:09]Now there's a problem in your belief.

[14:11]Now there's a problem in your and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[14:18]You're accusing Allah of being unjust.

[14:19]This is number one.

[14:20]That's the first problem when we say why me.

[14:25]The second problem with why me is what?

[14:27]The second problem is it shows that you are discontent with what

[14:34]Allah has planned for you.

[14:35]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala had written for prophet that he loses his

[14:43]son Ysef for 40 years.

[14:43]And Allah had decided that this was best for Ysef and for

[14:47]Yakub.

[14:48]If Yakob would say, "No, ya Allah, why me?

[14:52]That means I'm not happy with your plan.

[14:55]That means, yeah, Allah, I want to change your plan because I

[14:58]know more than you.

[15:00]You're basically telling Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that I understand more than

[15:07]you.

[15:08]I know this is what you think is best, but no, ya

[15:10]Allah, I think something else is better.

[15:13]So now it would turn into an objection to Allah subhanahu wa

[15:19]ta'ala.

[15:20]A believer, a believer is one who submits to Allah subhanahu wa

[15:27]ta'ala says Islam means what?

[15:32]When you say I'm Muslim that means you submit to Allah subhanaa

[15:35]tala.

[15:36]Why do I submit to Allah?

[15:37]Because Allah loves making everybody submit to him?

[15:42]No.

[15:42]Because Allah is the wisest.

[15:43]Because Allah is the most knowledgeable.

[15:46]Because when Allah plans something for you, it's best for you.

[15:50]Even if you don't understand how but we trust Allah's judgment and

[15:57]we trust Allah's plans and thus we submit to Allah subhanahu wa

[16:01]ta'ala.

[16:02]So if for example I don't like how I look and I

[16:07]say, "Ya Allah, why did you give me this big nose while

[16:11]I'm looking at it on the mirror?

[16:14]Why is my nose so flat?

[16:17]Why are my my lips so wide?

[16:20]Why is my eye this way or that way?

[16:25]Why is my forehead so big?

[16:27]Whatever it is, when you say why, you're challenging Allah.

[16:30]You're telling him, "Ya Allah, I know you made that judgment that

[16:37]this is the best for me, but I disagree with you, ya

[16:40]Allah.

[16:42]That looks really bad brothers and sisters on the believer.

[16:45]I mean what am I in front of Allah subhana wa t'ala

[16:47]that I want to teach him that this is not good.

[16:52]Maybe if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala had given me better looks maybe

[16:56]that would have misled me and that would have led me to

[17:02]commit haram.

[17:04]You never know brothers and sisters when I complain to Allah subhanahu

[17:08]wa ta'ala.

[17:08]Ya Allah why Do I live in such a house?

[17:14]Why do I have such a job?

[17:15]Why am I not rich?

[17:17]Why am I not wealthy?

[17:17]This means that I don't like Allah subhana wa ta'ala's plan for

[17:20]me.

[17:21]That means I know better than Allah.

[17:24]A family member dies.

[17:27]Why Allah?

[17:29]Why my family member?

[17:30]So this is the second problem with saying why?

[17:36]Because it means that you're not submitting to Allah subhana wa tala.

[17:38]That means you don't understand that when Allah plans something for you,

[17:44]it's always in your best interest.

[17:46]And this is the promise of Allah.

[17:48]And the imams mention in so many hadiths that whatever Allah plans

[17:53]for you, even if it's painful, even if it's bitter, it is

[17:56]better for you.

[17:57]It will work in your best interest.

[18:00]But you just don't see the greater picture.

[18:03]Imagine someone's reading the story of Prophet and Ysef.

[18:05]You'd say, "Why?

[18:07]Why?

[18:08]Why?" But you don't see how it will end.

[18:12]Yousef becomes like a king such that his father, such that his

[18:16]siblings all come to him and they do sjud in front of

[18:20]him.

[18:19]Sometimes through difficulty comes what?

[18:21]Comes ease.

[18:23]Through difficulty comes relief.

[18:25]Through difficulty is how Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us the good

[18:30]things in life.

[18:32]This is number two.

[18:33]And number three, the third problem with complaining to Allah saying why

[18:37]me?

[18:38]You know what the problem with this is?

[18:41]It's not true.

[18:42]When you say why me, that means you think it's only you.

[18:48]Well, it's not.

[18:51]So if Allah subhana t would reply to someone saying, "Ya Allah,

[18:55]why do I have such a body?

[18:56]Why do I have such a job?

[18:58]Why do I have such parents?

[19:02]Why do I have such kids?

[19:03]Why?

[19:04]Why?

[19:05]You know what Allah will tell you?

[19:07]Who told you it's only you?

[19:09]Why do you assume it's only you?

[19:12]Everybody is tested like you.

[19:13]So why me?

[19:15]Does it make sense?

[19:16]Because it's everybody.

[19:18]Allah says, "No, it's not just you.

[19:20]It's you and your neighbor and your cousin and your father and

[19:23]your brother and everybody on earth." The difference is that we don't

[19:27]see how other people are being tested.

[19:33]I see how I am being tested and I don't see how

[19:35]other people are being tested.

[19:36]And that leads me to assume that it's only me.

[19:40]No brothers and sisters, even people in the society that you think

[19:45]live the best life.

[19:48]Allah has given them wealth.

[19:49]Allah has given them beauty.

[19:51]Allah has given them connections, power.

[19:54]Even these individuals, Allah makes them suffer in ways that maybe you

[20:02]don't see.

[20:01]Maybe they try to hide it.

[20:04]Because in this dunya, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will try everybody.

[20:11]You know there was a man I im Ali he saw him

[20:14]he was doing dua.

[20:15]The imam noticed that he is making the wrong dua.

[20:19]What was he saying?

[20:23]He was saying ya Allah Allah Ya Allah, I seek refuge in

[20:31]you from fitna.

[20:30]Fitna means trials, means tests.

[20:33]So, ya Allah, I don't want to be tested.

[20:35]I ali the hadith says came to me and told him what

[20:39]type of dua is this means you'll be tested.

[20:42]Don't say I don't want to be tested because what that means

[20:46]is ya Allah take my life.

[20:47]Are you asking Allah to take your life?

[20:49]You want to die?

[20:52]Because dunya equals being tested.

[20:53]Ask Allah to protect your dean.

[20:56]Don't test me in a way in which it will lead to

[21:01]my dean and my faith being affected.

[21:04]Make this dua.

[21:06]So those individuals that say why me?

[21:09]What they don't understand is yes the grass always looks greener on

[21:12]the other side but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will test everyone in

[21:16]different ways.

[21:19]So complaining to Allah subhanana wa ta'ala brothers and sisters is different

[21:23]than complaining about Allah.

[21:24]Complaining about Allah we said number one is when you question Allah's

[21:29]judgment and Allah's authority.

[21:30]Why me?

[21:33]Life isn't fair.

[21:32]That's number one.

[21:35]Number two, a second way that the imams tell us would make

[21:40]your complain complain about Allah that is very dangerous is anytime you

[21:46]exaggerate your situation.

[21:49]You say my life is the worst life that anybody has.

[21:54]I have the most bare boring parents on earth.

[21:59]My parents are so strict more strict than anybody else.

[22:06]My life is terrible.

[22:06]My husband is the worst husband on earth.

[22:10]My wife is the laziest wife on earth.

[22:13]All of these are exaggerations.

[22:15]That's a lie.

[22:18]That's not true.

[22:19]He highlights this in one hadith.

[22:23]He says when you're sick, there's a right way to complain and

[22:26]there's a wrong way.

[22:27]Let's say you had a fever and you couldn't sleep.

[22:30]If you wake up the next day and you say, "I had

[22:34]a fever last night.

[22:34]I couldn't sleep.

[22:36]I was in pain." He says, "This is fine." This is not

[22:39]complaining about Allah.

[22:42]He says, "Complaining about Allah is when you exaggerate.

[22:45]When you say, I had the worst pain anyone ever had.

[22:50]I have the worst disease, the most miserable life that any human

[22:56]being has." Als says, "This is not true.

[22:59]This is exaggerating because there's many good things in life.

[23:01]Don't just amplify the evil.

[23:05]And this is something brothers and sisters that we human beings have

[23:09]this tendency.

[23:08]When there's a problem in something, we forget everything that's good.

[23:15]There's so many good qualities in my friend.

[23:17]But because there's one bad quality, I say there's nothing good in

[23:20]you.

[23:21]I have the worst husband.

[23:22]What about all the good things?

[23:23]Don't ignore and forget the good things.

[23:26]I have the worst wife.

[23:30]Okay, maybe there are some deficiencies, some weaknesses, but what about the

[23:35]good things?

[23:33]So when you take things out of proportion and when you exaggerate,

[23:41]this is when you've crossed the red line or else as long

[23:44]as you stay away from these two.

[23:46]Don't question Allah and don't exaggerate.

[23:50]Imm Ali Alisam says you can complain all you want and in

[23:57]fact complaining to Allah would be something good because this teaches you

[24:02]to always reach out to Allah.

[24:04]It teaches you to always speak to Allah.

[24:08]It strengthens your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala.

[24:15]Every time that you have something in your life that's bothering you,

[24:19]Allah says, "Talk to me.

[24:20]Tell me.

[24:21]You don't need to go to social media.

[24:23]Tell me I'm in pain.

[24:24]Tell me that I have this problem.

[24:29]Tell me I'm afraid.

[24:28]Tell me, ya Allah, I'm depressed.

[24:30]Tell me, ya Allah, I don't have this.

[24:33]I don't have that.

[24:36]So that teaches you to talk to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[24:40]And talking to Allah, speaking to Allah is called what?

[24:46]Dua.

[24:44]Now your complaint turns into worship.

[24:47]Now Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives you simply because you complained to

[24:54]him but you didn't question him.

[24:56]I submit to you ya Allah I understand that there is good

[24:58]but at the end of the day I'm human and I am

[25:03]suffering so please ya Allah give me strength.

[25:07]This now turns into because you are complaining to Allah not about

[25:12]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[25:16]Let me give you some examples of how theam used to complain.

[25:22]The first example is the example of it's narrated that when his

[25:33]uncle Abu Talib died and his wife Khadijah died, he was left

[25:38]vulnerable.

[25:38]They were his two greatest protectors alongside Imm Ali Alisam.

[25:43]So when they died, Allah had to flee Mecca.

[25:48]Where did he go?

[25:48]He went to it's a city close to Mecca.

[25:51]When he went to the city of even the people of abused

[25:58]him, they came out and instead of greeting Allah and welcoming him

[26:05]to their city, they threw rocks at him.

[26:05]They cursed him.

[26:08]They said the worst nastiest things about Rasool Allah.

[26:13]Rasool Allah had to flee once again all alone.

[26:15]He was injured.

[26:18]He had no supporters.

[26:18]He had no one.

[26:21]Allah turned to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala when he saw how weak

[26:24]he is.

[26:25]And he started to complain to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[26:28]I'll read you the complaint.

[26:31]It's a beautiful dua, but in reality, it's a complaint.

[26:36]He's venting to Allah.

[26:38]And this is the greatest creation of Allah.

[26:41]He said, "Ya Allah, I complain.

[26:51]I complain to you.

[26:52]Ya Allah, look at my situation.

[26:56]I lost Abu Talib.

[26:56]I'm all alone.

[26:58]I have no supporters.

[26:58]I have no resources.

[27:02]Look at how people have humiliated me." And then the prophet continued,

[27:11]"You are the most merciful.

[27:15]You're my Lord.

[27:14]You're the Lord of those that are weak and oppressed." But after

[27:21]he expressed his need, his weakness to Allah, he asked Allah subhanahu

[27:26]wa ta'ala for help.

[27:29]He says, He says, "Ya Allah, as long as you're not upset

[27:38]at me, that's fine.

[27:42]I submit to whatever you have written for me.

[27:46]But if you ease my situation, then it will be much easier

[27:52]for me to cope." So tell Allah subhanana wa ta'ala, he tells

[27:55]him, "Ya Allah, I'll accept whatever you write for me, whatever you

[27:59]throw at me.

[28:01]But ya Allah, if you write good things for me, peace, if

[28:04]you write for me that I will receive supporters and become stronger,

[28:11]that will be much easier for me to cope with.

[28:13]This is a beautiful dua ofasam.

[28:17]It's a dua, but at the same time, it's a complaint.

[28:20]Thus, if I have a sickness, brothers and sisters, I'm in pain,

[28:27]I'm frustrated with the medication, with the doctor visits, raise your hands

[28:34]and tell him, "Allah, ya Allah, I complain to you the pain,

[28:38]the sickness, all the medication, I can't sleep, I can't eat." Tell

[28:45]him this.

[28:44]Even if you tell him in a whining style, that's fine.

[28:48]Allah wants to hear from you.

[28:51]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wants you to speak to him, but make

[28:58]sure you do not object.

[28:58]Don't tell him why.

[28:59]Ya Allah, I can't take this anymore.

[29:03]Ya Allah, when is this going to end?

[29:06]This is the worst sickness.

[29:06]Allah never did that.

[29:08]He complained to Allah, but not about Allah.

[29:12]And then asked Allah subhana wa ta'ala for help.

[29:16]Ya Allah, you are the one that can heal me.

[29:20]bring down the shifa and heal my heart.

[29:23]Now your complaint turns into what?

[29:26]Into worship.

[29:25]If I am someone who has an abusive spouse, I have a

[29:31]bad husband.

[29:32]Tell Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[29:34]Ya Allah, you've given, don't say you've given me, say it in

[29:37]this way.

[29:38]We have to be careful of the wording.

[29:40]Ya Allah, my husband doesn't appreciate me.

[29:44]My husband disrespects me.

[29:45]My husband complains all the time.

[29:48]My husband is very harsh and mean with me.

[29:51]But ya Allah, if he doesn't appreciate me, I know you appreciate

[29:54]me.

[29:55]Ya Allah, I ask you to give me patience.

[29:58]Ya Allah, I ask you to soften his heart.

[30:01]And if his heart doesn't soften, I ask you to send a

[30:03]heart attack and take him away from me.

[30:08]So don't go that that far.

[30:11]But see, you're not complaining about Allah.

[30:14]That's one way to do it.

[30:18]another way.

[30:16]Why me?

[30:17]I wish I would have never gotten married.

[30:20]Ya Allah, to this person, ya Allah, I pray, ya Allah, I

[30:22]give my zakat and I went to this.

[30:27]Why does my husband treat me like this?

[30:29]Why?

[30:27]Take it easy, sister.

[30:31]Take it easy, brother.

[30:31]Allah test everybody in different ways.

[30:35]Allah, I always tell, you know, women that come and complain about

[30:40]abusive husbands.

[30:42]May Allah subhana ta give them protection and relief to these women

[30:46]because many women do really suffer.

[30:47]But what I usually tell them so that I can console them

[30:52]is that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tests everybody through different ways.

[30:57]The people of Gaza, Allah test them with Netanyahu.

[31:01]Allah has testing you with your husband.

[31:02]Is he worse than Netanyahu?

[31:05]Alhamdulillah.

[31:06]I've never heard someone say yes up to now.

[31:11]But the point is Allah tests everybody.

[31:13]If Allah doesn't give you a bad husband, he'll give you a

[31:15]bad neighbor.

[31:16]If not a bad neighbor, Allah subhanana wa ta'ala will give you

[31:19]a disease.

[31:20]If not a disease, Allah subhana wa ta'ala will give you a

[31:22]psychological.

[31:23]The the point is Allah tests everybody.

[31:27]So complain to him, but don't question him.

[31:32]Don't exaggerate and ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to help you to

[31:35]give you ease.

[31:37]So this is one example.

[31:38]Another example that I'd like to share is dua of dua of

[31:43]is the dua that we recite every night in the month of

[31:46]Ramadan.

[31:47]It's the dua that Abu D recited before I came up to

[31:55]the podium.

[31:57]It's the beautiful dua that is narrated from Shar.

[32:00]It begins through praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala glorifying Allah.

[32:09]It's all about praising and glorifying Allah.

[32:12]Then you transition to paying your respects and salams to and then

[32:20]to the 12th imd.

[32:21]In the end there's a beautiful passage Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in

[32:30]dua.

[32:28]He shows us complain to Allah.

[32:32]It's a beautiful passage.

[32:32]It's towards the end of dua.

[32:35]The Imam says this means what?

[32:43]We as believers, ya Allah, we complain to you, not about you.

[32:50]We complain to you.

[32:50]What do we complain?

[32:53]We complain number one, the beacon of mercy is gone.

[32:58]You took him away.

[32:58]We've been denied the privilege of seeing the holy face of Allah

[33:03]sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

[33:07]Andoolah's representative Shar he's in a state of ya Allah I complain

[33:15]to you that immedi is in a state of because if he

[33:20]wasn't in a state of I know he would not tolerate all

[33:25]this injustice when we see all the injustice today brothers and sisters

[33:28]doesn't it break your heart ali says turn to Allah and complain

[33:34]to him tell him ya Allah look at the situation of the

[33:39]believers todayool Allah is not with us.

[33:41]You took him from us in a is in a state of

[33:48]and thus these these oppressors they can wreck so much havoc everywhere

[33:52]in the world.

[33:56]And then the imam continues.

[33:56]He says after that, "And our enemies are so many.

[34:04]It seems like everybody is against us.

[34:06]There's so many Muslims, but it's as if the true believers are

[34:13]so few.

[34:14]Most Muslims don't care.

[34:18]Most Muslims gave up, unfortunately, on the people of Gaza." Doesn't that

[34:22]break your heart?

[34:22]1.5 billion Muslims.

[34:25]What have they done for the people of doesn't mean that there's

[34:31]a small portion, a small number of Muslims?

[34:32]There's a small number of Muslims that actually care, that are willing

[34:39]to resist, that are willing to help, that are willing to make

[34:42]a difference.

[34:44]Or else, when you look at the believers that are actually willing

[34:47]to stand up against injustice, they're surrounded by an ocean of injustice,

[34:52]by an ocean of people that don't care.

[34:55]So, ya Allah, I complain to you.

[34:59]We're outnumbered.

[34:58]Everybody is against us.

[35:02]Nobody cares.

[35:01]And these evil tyrants, they're just committing more and more injustice.

[35:08]And every day it's getting worse.

[35:10]Ya Allah.

[35:09]Now they speak about striking Iran.

[35:11]complain to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[35:13]This is what the Imam is teaching us.

[35:23]Ya Allah, the fna means the trials and the tests are so

[35:28]difficult.

[35:29]Yes, it's a difficult time to live in.

[35:31]The last two years have been very difficult.

[35:35]Complain to Allah.

[35:35]It's as if everything it's as if the whole world is against

[35:40]us.

[35:40]>> [snorts] >> But after Almahi recites this dua, this complaint, he

[35:46]doesn't say why us.

[35:49]Ya Allah, only if I wish.

[35:51]Never say only if.

[35:51]There's a hadith that says Allah would never say I wish this

[35:56]would have never happened.

[35:57]Because this means you're not submitting to Allah's plan.

[36:01]The imam then what?

[36:03]What does he do?

[36:05]He asks Allah for help.

[36:07]And this is a beautiful beautiful part of dua.

[36:10]The Imam says, "So ya Allah, yes, I am complaining to you

[36:24]that we're all alone.

[36:26]We're outnumbered.

[36:26]There's so many enemies.

[36:27]There's so much injustice.

[36:30]Almi is nowhere to be found.

[36:32]But ya Allah, I ask you to give us that victory.

[36:36]I ask you to make us strong.

[36:37]I ask you to make the the truth prevail.

[36:40]I ask you, ya Allah, to give us our dignity and our

[36:46]might and glory back.

[36:46]So ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to help you.

[36:51]Because even if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala doesn't change your affairs, the

[36:55]least thing that you got is because you did dua to Allah

[36:58]subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[37:00]Now you're closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[37:04]So bring down your p mer mercy upon us.

[37:08]This is another beautiful example of how we complain to Allah as

[37:13]teach us.

[37:14]The third example I have to go through it quickly because I'm

[37:17]running out of time.

[37:19]Is one of the most beautiful duas of you know imb has

[37:25]the 15at the 15 duas.

[37:28]One of his is called a shim.

[37:32]Theat the supplication of those that complain of the complainers.

[37:39]Are you a complainer?

[37:39]Z says come with me and let's complain together.

[37:43]But complain like and the im briefly he complains about three things

[37:48]in his dua.

[37:51]He complains number one about the naps and how it misguides me.

[37:55]He complains number two about the shaitan and how it the shaitan

[37:59]whispers and collaborates with my navs to fool me and misguide me

[38:07]further.

[38:07]And number three the imam he complains about having a hard heart.

[38:12]You see the imam really briefly he says ya Allah I complain

[38:19]to you but he doesn't complain about pain about money.

[38:21]He complains about what really matters.

[38:23]What shapes your thes ya Allah I do complain.

[38:27]I have a problem.

[38:30]It's my nephs.

[38:29]It won't sit down.

[38:32]It keeps on giving me orders to do haram.

[38:35]It fools me.

[38:35]Number two, I complain ya Allah because of the shaitan and how

[38:42]much he whispers.

[38:41]He constantly inserting thoughts in my mind and he collaborates with my

[38:48]navs and he's constantly what?

[38:50]He's constantly making me delay.

[38:55]The Imam says this.

[38:55]He says, [clears throat] he says, "Every time I say let me

[39:03]repent to Allah subhana wa tala, my navs and the shaitan, they

[39:06]collude together and they tell me why you don't you don't have

[39:12]to rush.

[39:13]You're still young.

[39:13]next year when you're 40, when you're 50, when you're 60, ya

[39:16]Allah, I complain to you because they're very strong.

[39:20]And number three, ya Allah, my heart, my heart is hard because

[39:26]of how many sins I have done.

[39:27]When I sit to read dua, dua is boring.

[39:29]When I try to shed a tear, when I speak to Allah,

[39:33]I can't shed tears.

[39:33]When I can't shed tears, that means my heart my heart is

[39:36]hard.

[39:37]That means the shaitan can easily penetrate my heart.

[39:42]That means it's difficult for me to change and reform because when

[39:46]your heart your is hard then unfortunately even if you see the

[39:52]imam of your time he will not change you just like all

[39:56]those people that saw IM Hussein and they decided to kill him.

[40:00]So he complains to Allah have these three things but then he

[40:04]asks Allah for help.

[40:04]He says but ya Allah I know you can help me.

[40:07]I know as long as you hold my hand, the shaitan is

[40:12]nothing.

[40:13]The shaitan doesn't pose a risk to me.

[40:16]I know as long as you give me power and strength, I

[40:19]can overcome my ns that will turn into it will be the

[40:27]what the confident ns the ns that I control.

[40:32]It doesn't control me.

[40:31]So seek Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala's help.

[40:36]This is how im asks us to vent and complain to him.

[40:44]And finally, brothers and sisters, can we vent to human beings or

[40:48]no?

[40:49]All of this was about venting to Allah.

[40:52]How about my wife?

[40:52]How about my friends, the sheh, whoever it is, is this a

[40:58]good idea to vent to another human being?

[41:00]Listen carefully.

[41:02]The imams ofam they tell us it is okay to vent to

[41:06]another human being complain as long as number one you complain to

[41:13]a believer.

[41:15]Almad says if you complain to a believer you are complaining to

[41:18]Allah but if you complain to a disbeliever then you are complaining

[41:24]about Allah.

[41:25]So number one the dean of that individual.

[41:26]Why?

[41:26]Because when you complain to someone that has no dean, then that

[41:29]person isn't going to tell you Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the

[41:33]one that plans everything, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the best of

[41:37]planners and so on so forth.

[41:38]Versus a believer will what?

[41:39]He will give you that patience.

[41:42]It's okay.

[41:41]Life is a test.

[41:43]It's short.

[41:44]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala is the best of planners.

[41:46]This is number one.

[41:50]Number two, they say when you choose someone to vent to, make

[41:53]sure that that individual is trustworthy.

[41:55]They will keep your secrets and make sure that they are wise

[41:59]so they don't give you advice that is misleading.

[42:02]That's incorrect.

[42:04]And you know this is a problem today when you see this

[42:08]trend of people that are going to social media and they're venting

[42:13]on social media.

[42:14]Sometimes I check the status of people on WhatsApp and you see

[42:17]someone says no matter how many now no matter how much you

[42:22]are, you know, are kind to some people, they'll always betray you.

[42:26]What is he talking about?

[42:27]Right?

[42:28]It just leaves you guessing.

[42:32]Does he mean me?

[42:31]Does he mean the Who is he talking about?

[42:34]You see another Instagram story.

[42:36]Someone says that you know what?

[42:38]No one in this life is loyal.

[42:43]They're venting.

[42:42]But who are they venting to?

[42:46]To 5,000 people, 10,000 people.

[42:48]This, brothers and sisters, is not a good idea.

[42:50]You know why?

[42:51]And even research proves this.

[42:55]I'm almost done inshallah.

[42:56]You know, psychologists, they used to believe in something that they called

[43:02]the catharsis theory.

[43:05]Has anyone heard of the catharsis theory?

[43:06]Basically what they used to believe in the past was that the

[43:12]more you release anger, the more you release it, the more you

[43:15]will what?

[43:17]You will lessen it.

[43:19]So release anger so you reduce it.

[43:20]But then they did a bunch of tests and they noticed that's

[43:23]not true.

[43:25]When you release anger temporarily it makes you feel good, but in

[43:28]the long term it hurts you.

[43:29]So what did they do?

[43:31]They brought all these people that you know that had grievances.

[43:32]They gave them a punching bag.

[43:35]They told them, "Think about the person that up upsetting you or

[43:40]making you angry and punch and punch." Almost everyone said, "We felt

[43:44]so much better." Remember removing that burden off the chest.

[43:48]But later on in the long term, the aggression became worse.

[43:54]Our mental state became worse.

[43:57]And that's why psychologists say the more people you vet to brothers

[44:02]and sisters, the the the higher the chances of you getting worse.

[44:06]Meaning you'll get more anxious.

[44:10]You'll get more depressed because not everyone wants the best for you.

[44:13]You know, when you vent on social media, you're allowing some people

[44:18]to gloat at you.

[44:19]Why give them the opportunity?

[44:23]You're allowing some people to give you advice that's completely nonsense.

[44:27]What if you have an issue with your spouse and they tell

[44:31]you they tell you, you know, the wrong information?

[44:33]Some people, they'll dismiss what you're saying, right?

[44:36]They'll just say, you know what, this is not a big deal.

[44:40]And you'll feel even more hurt.

[44:41]So, when you vent and complain, don't just choose anybody random and

[44:47]go and vent to them because this can negatively affect you.

[44:50]Choose someone that you trust, someone that you can confide in, and

[44:54]someone that you know will always put you right back on the

[45:01]track of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

[45:02]I ask Allahel to bless us all to give us the im

[45:08]to give us the patience that we are able to follow these

[45:11]guidelines of Oh.

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The Ethics of Complaining & Venting - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini | Night 3 - 2026 MYC Ramadan Program

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التالي

The Ethics of Complaining & Venting - Sayed Ahmed Qazwini | Night 3 - 2026 MYC Ramadan Program

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