Sayed Ahmed AlQazwini - Ramadan 2016 Night 27 (English)

8 Bekeken· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
abonnees

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Transcript

[0:00][Applause] respected brothers and sisters it's a day that many of us

[0:32]long for it's an occasion that we all think about daydream about

[0:36]eagerly wait anticipate and at times fantasize and once it comes it

[0:42]may be the most memorable and notable day of our life and

[0:46]that is the day of our marriage if we haven't already gotten

[0:51]married we look forward to that day in which we find our

[0:55]soulmate and we could live happily ever after with our soulmate and

[1:02]many of us have that Rosy image of marriage but the unfortunate

[1:12]fact and the bitter truth is that sometimes or many times marriage

[1:17]is only the beginning of our miseries you find that despite the

[1:26]fact that we want marriage to be so successful and to lead

[1:29]to happiness some sometimes it brings us nothing but sadness and miseries

[1:35]how many individuals do you know husband and wife that their marriages

[1:40]ended up in courts fighting over their the wealth splitting the wealth

[1:45]or fighting over the custody or fighting over something else and they

[1:49]have to spend so much time thousands of dollars on bringing lawyers

[1:56]trying to what trying to just put an end to these problems

[2:00]that results it's from the marriage and when you see the jokes

[2:08]the jokes that are mentioned about marriage if you just go on

[2:12]the internet and you just Google marriage jokes you'll find that most

[2:17]jokes they show marriage in a negative way they have such a

[2:23]Negative view of marriage probably 90% of the marriage jokes will have

[2:27]a negative outlook towards marriage you'll rarely find the positive ones and

[2:31]even though these are jokes but as they say there's always some

[2:34]truth behind the jokes that we always mention for example one joke

[2:40]says that anyone that wants any man that wants to get married

[2:43]he needs four rings number one the engagement ring number two the

[2:48]wedding ring number three suffering and number four enduring or for example

[2:55]another another joke says that a young boy asked his father one

[2:58]day father how how much does it cost to get married he

[3:03]told them son I'm not sure I've been married for 10 years

[3:05]now and I'm still paying for it or for example another joke

[3:11]says that marriage is not a word it's a sentence it's a

[3:14]death sentence and so on and so forth and even though that

[3:20]these are jokes but as I said this shows this is reflecting

[3:23]a fundamental problem in our societies that many marriages end up in

[3:29]disaster many marriages fail many marriages do not bring us success or

[3:35]happiness if you were happy you would you wouldn't end your marriage

[3:40]you wouldn't want to you wouldn't want a divorce and that's why

[3:44]you see many marriages end up in in divorce you see marriages

[3:46]they do bring happiness but most of the times for most people

[3:50]shortterm happiness the days before marriage the wedding day the honeymoon few

[3:57]months after the honeymoon and if maximum a few years but then

[4:03]after that many people struggle it's a downhill it's problems and fighting

[4:08]and absolutely no happiness and that's why you see divorce rates are

[4:12]so high read about the statistics of divorce rates for example in

[4:15]the US it's as high as 50% the average divorce rate so

[4:21]half of everyone basically gets divorced I read in some Muslim countries

[4:25]which you expect to be better in some Muslim countries it's as

[4:29]high as 60% 60% of marriages end up in divorce so this

[4:34]all comes to show you my friends that there is a fundamental

[4:38]problem in our marriages we're doing something wrong why isn't it giving

[4:43]us long-term H happiness you know they say if you see someone

[4:46]that's a newly W and he's happy that's typical you don't wonder

[4:51]why but when you see a man or a woman that's been

[4:53]married for 10 years or longer and they're still happy you begin

[4:57]to ask why how were they able to stay happy even 10

[4:59]years after so what's the problem the problem my friends isn't with

[5:07]marriage itself you see marriage itself as an institution as a relationship

[5:13]should bring us happiness if we follow the right guidelines the problem

[5:17]is we are not following the right guidelines we can't blame marriage

[5:21]oh since so many people get divorced so many people see so

[5:24]many miseries and courts and battles and cust I'm not going to

[5:28]get married this is the wrong mentality marriage it should give you

[5:33]success as long as you do it right just like any institution

[5:35]schools for example so many kids they fail schools the problem is

[5:41]is with them it's not with the school system so many hospitals

[5:44]for example you find they do make mistakes or people die in

[5:47]hospitals the problem isn't that this is uh you know a bad

[5:51]hospital or anything the problem maybe that the the management or the

[5:55]doctors or something's wrong with that so marriage as an institution you

[5:59]find is is an institution that is supposed to make us happy

[6:03]it should bring us happiness if you do it the right way

[6:08]and that's why Allah subhah waala he encourages us to get married

[6:12]the of says he says that marriage is from my customs and

[6:22]from my for my teachings whoever says I do not want to

[6:28]get married that person is not a follower of Muhammad if I

[6:30]say I don't want to get married I can't get married is

[6:34]different but I don't want to get married the prophet says you

[6:37]are not following me you're not a true Muslim theith also says

[6:47]the most sacred and beloved B foundation in Islam is What is

[6:54]marriage because it should bring us What happiness and prosperity but the

[6:58]problem like I said is we're doing doing something wrong with our

[7:03]marriages and Allah subhanahu wa taala has given us the guidance you

[7:07]see Allah knows that we will mess up we will end up

[7:12]in so much divorces Allah has laid out the steps in order

[7:14]for us to lead a successful marriage but unfortunately how many of

[7:18]us take the time to go and educate ourselves about that religion

[7:23]to many of us is just blessings and bar do we try

[7:25]to take religion and applying it in all our lives not just

[7:30]your Salah and your and your and your everything even your marriage

[7:34]why don't you take the teachings of and the teachings of the

[7:37]Quran and the teachings of the Prophet then when you neglect the

[7:42]teachings of you fall into a problem you ask why it's obvious

[7:44]so Allah subhana tala has laid for us the book of guidance

[7:51]a guidance book for marriage and this book is twofold the first

[7:55]chapter is the prerequisites of marriage you see if you want a

[7:59]successful marriage you have to begin before marriage planning and then the

[8:05]second chapter is what comes after marriage and this is what I

[8:08]want to speak about tonight but I only have time to speak

[8:11]about the first chapter and that is the prerequisites of marriage because

[8:14]most people fail in what in realizing that there are prerequisites that

[8:19]you need before you get married and I will speak about two

[8:23]main prerequisites that we need for those young ones listening I encourage

[8:27]you if you want to get married one day make sure you

[8:30]listen to these two things before you get married prerequisite number one

[8:35]before we get married we have to educate ourselves about marriage you'd

[8:40]be amazed how many people how many young men and women they

[8:46]get married and they are clueless about marriage What is marriage what

[8:49]am I supposed to do in marriage what's the expectations they don't

[8:52]do any research most of the research that they do is what

[8:58]on the wedding which Hall do I rent lots of research on

[9:01]that which tuxedo do I buy for the woman which dress do

[9:06]I buy tens of hours of of studies and uh research on

[9:09]the internet elsewhere spent so much time on who should I invite

[9:14]which food should I bring the decorations the honeymoon where do I

[9:19]go the airline the car rental the hotel the activities and then

[9:23]once the honeymoon finishes maximum buy a house and that's it what

[9:28]about after that what do I do with my wife what are

[9:31]the expectations what will my spouse expect from me what would I

[9:35]have to give to my spouse the responsibilities and the expectations you

[9:40]would be surprised how ignorant and confused and you know lost our

[9:48]young ones are about this issue they get married and then when

[9:54]a problem Rises they have absolutely no clue what to do because

[9:57]they did not educate themselves before you you knew you're getting married

[10:01]why did you not educate yourself and this my friends is the

[10:04]responsibility of the parents especially the elderly generation it is our responsibility

[10:09]that when a young man a young woman wants to get married

[10:13]we have to take them to the site and give them guidance

[10:15]give them counseling tell them you've heard of marriage counselors there are

[10:20]certain people they're marriage counselors that's their professional job they get paid

[10:24]to give marriage counseling I know some people that have that job

[10:28]now who usually goes to marriage counselor a man and woman that

[10:34]are having problems correct if a man and woman don't have problems

[10:37]they're not going to go to a marriage counselor have you ever

[10:41]witnessed a single person go to a marriage counselor he's single it

[10:44]doesn't make sense even the marriage counselor will be confused will be

[10:48]surprised what are you doing here you're not married this is the

[10:50]wrong mentality the individuals that need marriage counseling the most are the

[10:56]ones that aren't married which want to get married why wait until

[11:02]the problem Rises and maybe it's not preventable anymore and then go

[11:05]to a marriage counselor instead go to a marriage counselor first so

[11:09]that you can prevent future problems doesn't that make more sense this

[11:13]is common sense even with the sicknesses do you wait until you

[11:19]get sick and then you start thinking what should I do to

[11:22]prevent the sickness no you what you make sure you take the

[11:25]necessary actions to prevent sickness in the future because it's it's much

[11:32]easier to prevent it now than if you're sick maybe it's uncurable

[11:35]the same thing about marriage the Elder generation old elderly brothers and

[11:40]sisters they have to take these individuals to the site they have

[11:44]to tell them about marriage they have to tell them about the

[11:46]expectations of marriage many young ones if a problem Rises they don't

[11:52]know how to deal with it should they go and speak with

[11:53]their parents about it or should they keep it a secret should

[11:57]they go public with it ask their brothers and sisters and the

[12:00]community their friends go on the internet they don't know what to

[12:02]do if for example I want something and my wife wants the

[12:07]opposite what do we do who gets the priority how do we

[12:08]solve many young individuals that get married they are completely clueless about

[12:14]these issues the elderly they have much more experience they went through

[12:17]all that just a few words will be of so much help

[12:21]so this is number one they have to take these lessons be

[12:26]serious about it take lessons from the elderly marriage counsil and Order

[12:29]order to prevent problems we have to sit with them we tell

[12:33]them we tell the man 10 years down the line if for

[12:37]example your wife wasn't as beautiful will you still love her or

[12:43]will you still not or not love her we ask the woman

[12:44]if 10 15 15 years down the line your husband for example

[12:50]wasn't making so much money he went broke will you still stay

[12:53]with him or not what are your expectations some individuals they think

[12:56]marriage is what is is is you know you they have a

[13:00]utopian Rosy idea of marriage there won't be any problems we will

[13:03]live H happily happily ever after this is not true marriage sometimes

[13:09]what has so many problems sometimes there are hardships sometimes we have

[13:13]to sacrifice many young people they tell me I was never told

[13:15]about this that I have to sacrifice yes you have to sacrifice

[13:19]for the sake of the family for the sake of the other

[13:21]individual so if they know more about marriage this will prevent many

[13:25]of the problems that will come and one of the best ways

[13:28]is to tell them your story tell them about your experiences in

[13:31]order to help them prevent future problems so this is number one

[13:36]anyone that wants to get married they need to seek guidance and

[13:39]counseling don't say oh I know how to deal with it no

[13:43]50% of marriages end up in divorce you have a 50% chance

[13:48]of divorcing your wife because of your ignorance because you did not

[13:52]know what to do you did not take the wise action so

[13:54]what so in order to prevent the chance of leading to divorce

[13:59]go and seek some guidance before some counseling before so at least

[14:04]you know what to expect you know that if your wife came

[14:06]nagging what to do the wife knows that if the man was

[14:10]late or he did not care she knows how to what to

[14:14]do and she shouldn't make the you know the the case even

[14:16]worse because many times we do certain things and then we regret

[14:19]it I wish I would have done certain other things if we

[14:22]seek that guidance we can prevent all of that so this is

[14:26]number one this is very very important the second thing we have

[14:30]to do the second prerequisite before getting married this is all before

[14:35]getting married is how we choose our spouse you see I'm a

[14:40]young man I'm looking for a wife what factors am I looking

[14:43]for I'm a young woman I'm looking for a husband which factors

[14:50]am I looking for in that man these factors my friends that

[14:53]we base our marriages on will have the greatest effect on our

[14:56]marriage success in the long run look at those individuals that had

[15:03]a successful marriage for 30 40 50 years or until they died

[15:06]you find most of the times the most or one of the

[15:10]most important factors that led to their marriage stability in the long

[15:14]run was why they chose this individual to begin with why did

[15:19]you choose this person to begin with did you choose it because

[15:26]for example this person was uh if I'm a man you find

[15:28]most men why do they choose uh you know what's the most

[15:33]important thing to them mostly it's Beauty was it because she was

[15:37]beautiful and that's why you married her for the woman was it

[15:40]just because he had a good job high paying job money was

[15:45]it Love at First Sight oh I saw that person I fell

[15:51]in love with that person or not when I choose my spouse

[15:53]I have to make sure that this individual will be what will

[16:00]be the father of my child the mother of my child will

[16:02]he be a good role model so many people they never think

[16:06]about this yes he's good-looking yes she's pretty but is she a

[16:09]good role model for my son and daughter will she raise them

[16:13]in the right way will he raise them in the right way

[16:15]we never think about this when we run to the problems we

[16:19]come to the say and to the sheh help us so when

[16:23]you choose the wife the husband make sure that you're basing it

[16:26]on the right factors if you want to have a stable and

[16:28]successful marriage in the long run and theith ofam the famous Hadith

[16:36]says that the most important factors that you should look for are

[16:39]two number one is what he says if someone comes proposes to

[16:47]you woman or even if you're a man you're looking for a

[16:51]woman look for two things these are what will bring you happiness

[16:53]his religion his faith how much he fears Allah and when we

[16:58]say his faith not just just how much he prays in his

[17:00]beard how much he fears Allah does he do Haram does he

[17:05]drink does is his business a Halal business is it is this

[17:08]person a person that fears Allah or not this is number one

[17:13]and number two his his manners because unfortunately you have some people

[17:16]they pray all the time but they have the worst manners of

[17:19]course it's going to be difficult to have a successful marriage with

[17:23]that so his manners is he polite and number two is he

[17:26]what and number two does he have does he have Dean Faith

[17:31]he fears Allah subhanahu waala a man comes to one of the

[17:33]imams one day and he says many men are proposing to my

[17:39]daughter which one do you suggest I give the hands of my

[17:41]daughter to the Imam he tells him such a beautiful answer he

[17:46]tells him make sure that he is means he fears Allah he

[17:53]has why the IM he tells him the reason he tells him

[17:58]it's one of two it's one of two either he will love

[18:06]your daughter or he will hate her there's no third possibility he

[18:08]says if he loved her then he will obviously protect her and

[18:12]love her and respect her but he loves her but what if

[18:17]he didn't love her what if he hated her he just never

[18:21]loved her liked her the IM says the Imam says but if

[18:29]he hated your daughter he will never oppress her why why won't

[18:32]he oppress her even though he hates her because he fears Allah

[18:35]subhana wa tala so either his love for your daughter will prevent

[18:41]him from oppressing her from being unjust with her or if he

[18:44]doesn't love her he's fears Allah Allah is watching I will never

[18:49]lay my hands on that woman why because even though I don't

[18:52]love her Allah is watching you see there are so many uh

[18:55]women in the community that they what that they complain La that

[19:01]their husbands are unjust that they hit them they abuse them either

[19:04]physically or violently they just don't care about that woman now the

[19:09]problem with this you know usually if I'm told about such a

[19:11]problem the problem is that the man has no tawa no fear

[19:16]of Allah subhanahu waala if he truly feared Allah even if she's

[19:18]the worst woman in the world we have for example imass he

[19:23]was killed by his own wife he knew that this woman will

[19:27]kill him and she would give him a hard time every day

[19:29]but that would not justify the fact that he would oppress her

[19:34]Allah subhana will take care of that if I M I'm oppressed

[19:35]Allah will take care of that on the day of judgment so

[19:39]it doesn't matter how bad she is how evil or I just

[19:41]don't love her if I fear Allah I will never touch that

[19:44]I will never oppress her I will never be unjust with her

[19:45]the problem is there's no tawa no faith no fear of Allah

[19:50]subhana wa tala and likewise there are certain brothers that they're always

[19:55]what they're always doubting their wives where does she go who's she

[19:58]hanging out with he has to spy on her phone he has

[20:02]to you know make sure that she's not going certain places doing

[20:04]certain wrong actions what's the problem with this marriage usually I say

[20:09]when there's no trust when there's lack of trust if I mean

[20:14]the suspicion was uh was you know valid then the problem is

[20:20]that this woman has no fear of Allah since she has no

[20:23]fear of Allah I have to make sure that she does what's

[20:27]right but if she was ch a woman that feared Allah does

[20:30]she need anyone to chase after her and and you know spy

[20:34]over her no because Allah is watching 24/7 so even if she

[20:36]wanted to do Haram she wouldn't because she knows Allah is looking

[20:41]how would I dare disobey Allah while he's looking if my husband's

[20:44]looking I won't but Allah is looking I will doesn't make sense

[20:50]so as long as my wife has tawa I should never be

[20:52]suspicious because I know Allah is watching her Allah is the person

[20:57]that will make sure she will never do Haram and same thing

[21:00]for the man the woman knows that she's safe as long as

[21:04]he has tawa fear of Allah she has nothing to fear from

[21:06]you see how tawa keeps both the man and the woman in

[21:10]check even if they hate each other they want to kill each

[21:12]other but because they know there is Allah over them they will

[21:16]behave they will respect each other because of Allah subhana tala thus

[21:21]the IM says make sure that the first thing you look at

[21:24]is his tawa does he fear Allah or not and that's why

[21:28]I always say this my friends Islam says recommends get married at

[21:32]an early age don't wait until 2530 this is a different topic

[21:36]and Islam encourages that you get married early even if it's at

[21:41]the age of 20 yes there's nothing wrong with that when we

[21:43]have the the you know the belief that this is too early

[21:48]this is because we're taking these beliefs from the society which are

[21:51]wrong Islam says get married at an early age even at the

[21:55]age of 20 that's that's a good age to get married but

[21:57]however Islam says rush in considering marriage but when you want to

[22:01]choose your spouse don't rush oh some people you ask them how

[22:06]did you get married oh I saw you know a like on

[22:08]Facebook two text messages next day you they get married this marriage

[22:13]will lead in divorce a week after a month after a year

[22:15]after this is not how you choose your spouse on Facebook and

[22:19]on Twitter and all these things you have to investigate you have

[22:21]to make sure this is the right person this is the person

[22:24]that can raise my children this person has tawa and the only

[22:28]way you could know that if you investigate you ask other people

[22:30]don't be naive make sure this is the right one so rush

[22:35]in considering marriage don't say until I'm 30 no even as early

[22:38]as 20 if you can but when you want to choose the

[22:42]spouse take your time do some investigation do some research so that

[22:45]you don't find out things that you didn't know before and to

[22:50]make sure that this person truly has and these according to the

[22:54]this is what what will bring us success now as I mentioned

[23:01]you'll find that most you'll find that most um men or many

[23:06]men we won't say most but many men when it comes to

[23:10]getting married they will look for beauty I mean this isn't everywhere

[23:13]in the world and throughout history that the beauty of the woman

[23:20]is the most important thing to them but unfortunately my friends beauty

[23:24]doesn't always bring longlasting happiness yes maybe shortterm but longlasting not especially

[23:28]now you see Islam we say it's it's not against Beauty there's

[23:34]nothing wrong with looking for a beautiful wife that's perfect and even

[23:38]there's a Hadith there there's a Hadith from IM and from it

[23:44]speaks about the importance of be Beauty there's nothing wrong with looking

[23:48]for a beautiful wife the IM or the of says he says

[24:00]if you want to get married you can ask about her hair

[24:03]about her looks there's nothing wrong with that and that's why the

[24:06]they say if I want to marry a woman I'm considering married

[24:10]I can see her hair once to see if I like it

[24:11]or not there's nothing wrong with beauty but don't confine your conditions

[24:16]and your what your perspective to beauty and Beauty only as long

[24:21]as she's beautiful Kal no Beauty should be one of the things

[24:24]what about those they come before Beauty there's nothing wrong with beauty

[24:28]as long as and are with it and especially like I said

[24:33]my dear brother and sister especially now now in this day and

[24:36]age Beauty can be bought all you need is what some money

[24:41]couple of thousand dollars and a good plastic surgeon I don't know

[24:44]if we have any plastic surgeon here but he could definitely attest

[24:48]to this just go and you know a few surgeries and you

[24:54]know you could make a completely different being creation because of plastic

[24:57]surgeries so Beauty can be bought there isn't you know too much

[25:03]value to it especially nowadays and I remember a few years ago

[25:05]I read an article on the internet of a man in China

[25:11]that got married to a woman he was very beautiful and she

[25:17]she was also very pretty they showed pictures now they loved each

[25:21]other so on so forth until a while after the wife is

[25:26]pregnant she delivers her child the man the husband he says I

[25:30]noticed my child was hideous so ugly and you know you can

[25:34]imagine how obnoxious the child was if the father is saying he's

[25:36]ugly because you know no matter how ugly the child is at

[25:39]least the father and mother will still see them as beautiful that's

[25:42]why there's a saying in in Arabi that says a monkey is

[25:44]a deer in its mother's eyes so he says the first child

[25:51]was ugly but I swallowed it and you know I stayed quiet

[25:54]I didn't say anything the second child even uglier the Third child

[25:59]after the third child he says there's something definitely wrong where's the

[26:01]law of genetics we're both beautiful and our children are ugly one

[26:06]two not three so he says I knew there's something fishy about

[26:09]this he says I went I researched about the history of my

[26:15]wife before marriage I realized she had done tens of cosmetic surgeries

[26:19]plastic surgeries and then I was able to find a picture probably

[26:21]he went to her High School yearbook or something he found a

[26:25]picture of her before the um before the surgeries he says she

[26:31]was a monster before that she had spent money and she turned

[26:34]into so beautiful so he considered her you know ripping him off

[26:38]and he went he fired a lawsuit against her and he was

[26:46]demanding $100,000 this was in the news $100,000 in Damages because you

[26:49]fooled me and you're so ugly and he divorced her so if

[26:51]I just want beauty Beauty can be bought and the Hadith the

[26:56]Hadith of the IM there's a beautiful Hadith of the IM that

[27:05]says if you marry a woman or if you marry a man

[27:10]just because of their money or their wealth that's it I don't

[27:15]care about their deed if they're religious and he's wealthy and she's

[27:19]pretty that's okay but just because he's rich just because she's beautiful

[27:23]the Imam says you will not enjoy that beauty nor the wealth

[27:27]you won't enjoy it there will be so many problems in your

[27:30]marriage that will prevent you from enjoying the beauty and enjoying the

[27:33]wealth especially the beauty you know they say the beauty is in

[27:36]the eye of the beholder that's why the Imam says but if

[27:44]you marry a woman because of her Dean her religion her faith

[27:48]her the fact that she fears Allah Allah will make her beautiful

[27:51]in your eyes even if she's not beautiful like I said don't

[27:54]they say beauty is in the in the in the Eye of

[27:58]the Beholder isn't it some people his wife is the most beautiful

[28:02]woman in the world even though other people don't agree it doesn't

[28:05]matter let the whole world see my wife as being ugly as

[28:08]long as she's beautiful in my eyes that's enough and there's also

[28:10]a movie that they made about this years ago I remember I

[28:13]saw it once it's about some guy who uh some some guy

[28:17]puts a spell on another person and then he begins to see

[28:19]ugly people as very beautiful so he meets a woman who in

[28:25]reality she's like 500 lb but he sees her as so slim

[28:27]did it matter to him that everyone else was seeing her as

[28:30]I see her as can Allah do that Allah subhana can make

[28:34]the ugliest woman in the world or the ugliest man in the

[28:36]world as what as the most beautiful person in my eyes and

[28:41]that's all what matters so the Imam says if you marry a

[28:43]woman for her religion Allah will make her beautiful in your eyes

[28:48]if you marry her just for her beauty you will not enjoy

[28:50]her beauty even if she's the most beautiful woman in the world

[28:54]and that's why we have to be careful my dear brothers and

[28:59]sisters we have to make sure that we are choosing our spouses

[29:03]for the right factors it's not just love at first sight I

[29:07]just you know five minutes and then I decided to live with

[29:11]that person for the rest of my life so this is number

[29:12]one this is with the beauty with the wealth the same thing

[29:17]you see you'd be surprised how many young individuals any Community I

[29:21]go to I ask them why don't you get married he's 20

[29:26]21 22 23 and if I ask some some you know young

[29:28]ones here I bet I'll get the same answer why don't you

[29:32]get married you know what's the most common answer the most common

[29:35]answer every Community everywhere money wealth I'm not yet financially capable I'm

[29:43]not well financially established because he's not financially established yet financially capable

[29:49]capable he doesn't get married or sometimes they are willing to get

[29:53]married but the father or the woman reject because the first first

[29:58]question they ask is what's his degree how much money does he

[30:01]make um does he have a house does he have a nice

[30:04]car he has to be well established you know at least 50

[30:06]Grand in his uh in his account if he doesn't have that

[30:10]thank you we don't need you so they deny these young men

[30:13]the opportunity of marriage so one of the greatest obstacles that I

[30:18]have noticed to marriage to young people getting married is the money

[30:22]the wealth issue now when we come to the Quran my friends

[30:25]Allah subhana T makes it clear he says do not never make

[30:31]money an obstacle this is Allah clearly he says Allah says that

[30:37]I am the one that gives everyone their risk their sustenance correct

[30:41]he's the source of our sustenance he says never make money an

[30:47]obstacle if they are not doing so well Allah subhana Waal will

[30:52]make them much better Allah will help them Allah subhana will increase

[30:56]their risk now we're not saying go sleep in your house Allah

[30:59]will send you no do what you have to do go work

[31:02]go get an education and then leave the rest on Allah do

[31:06]what you can and leave the rest on Allah never make money

[31:09]an obstacle and Subhan Allah we have in our I spoke about

[31:15]RIS one day that there are certain things you can do that

[31:17]Allah will increase your risk your sustenance your wealth amongst the things

[31:21]you'd be surprised that increases your risk is what marriage you know

[31:27]how manyi I saw about that up to N hadiths I saw

[31:28]from and the IMs when people used to ask them what can

[31:33]we do to increase our R du the IM the the prophet

[31:36]used to tell them go and get married and there's a story

[31:38]of a young man he came tool Allah he told him Yol

[31:43]Allah I'm not doing well what do I do teach me a

[31:46]Dua told him go get married he said go get married I

[31:48]can't support myself now I have to support another person so he

[31:54]left disappointed he came the second day he asked the same question

[31:57]Sometimes some people they ask you the same question 50 times they

[31:59]want a different answer but they won't get a different answer the

[32:02]second time told them go get married the third time this man

[32:07]he came he said y Allah I am in need financially what

[32:11]do I do told him what's wrong with you from the first

[32:13]day I told you get married I knew that you're not doing

[32:17]well and I know what I'm telling you go get married and

[32:20]you'll see the Hadith says he want he got married and he

[32:24]came a while after he told aldah Allah increased my wealth so

[32:27]this is amongst the factors amongst the actions that increase our risk

[32:33]and sustenance get married and then Allah subh will increase your wealth

[32:36]now I know what some people are thinking this is what all

[32:39]in the textbooks this is the Quran doesn't make sense just get

[32:42]married Allah will increase my wealth correct doesn't make sense see this

[32:48]is the problem with many of us the Quran is just a

[32:50]book that we read of History do we apply it to our

[32:54]lives no because we don't trust the Quran if Bill Gates come

[32:57]comes and tells you get married and I'll make you and I'll

[33:01]take care of you will anyone hesitate will anyone hesitate but when

[33:04]Allah the Creator and the sustainer of Bill Gates says Get Married

[33:08]I'll take care of you we say oh you know what where

[33:10]how what we should ask 50 questions we trust each other more

[33:15]than we trust our creator and then we ask Ya Allah why

[33:16]are there so many problems why why are we this why are

[33:20]we that there's no trust we don't trust Allah and that's why

[33:22]I'll bring you some proof that economists they say they attest to

[33:27]this verse Economist today they say marriage makes you richer how go

[33:32]tonight write on the internet these three words marriage wage premium who's

[33:36]heard about that if you haven't go Google it what's marriage wage

[33:41]premium labor Economist this is an economy has nothing to do with

[33:47]Islam they say that we noticed that when a single man gets

[33:51]married all of a sudden his salary jumps up as soon as

[33:56]he gets married his salary jumps up how much more anywhere from

[34:00]10 to 50% more just because he got married so they tell

[34:07]you that nothing changed his degree didn't get better his job didn't

[34:11]change nothing changed no promotions the only thing that changes what his

[34:15]status instead of married instead of single it's now married and with

[34:20]that status change comes sometimes a 50% bonus in his salary now

[34:24]they tell you they bring you two individuals one is a bachelor

[34:30]the other is married and they will or one is divorced and

[34:34]the other is married they tell you their resumés are 100% identical

[34:39]same degrees same age same race so you can't say there's discrimination

[34:43]both white they are both for example Christian so there's no discrimination

[34:47]both men so you can't say one's a woman there may be

[34:49]gender discrimination everything is the same the only thing is different is

[34:55]this guy's married this guy's single the married guy makes 50 %

[34:58]more so if this guy makes 100 this guy makes 150,000 more

[35:00]150,000 50 Grand more why and you see there's so many theories

[35:06]if you read about the marriage why does this happen there's so

[35:09]many theories some economists they say it's because a married man is

[35:11]more motivated he has responsibility so he works better whatever because you

[35:16]know the bosses or companies they like married people more they think

[35:22]they're more you know predictable and stable and what the point is

[35:25]doesn't matter what's the reason the point is what Allah is saying

[35:28]we see it in our eyes tells the man go get married

[35:35]and Allah will increase your when the labor Economist tells me that

[35:37]I accept when Allah says I'm skeptical and then Subhan Allah they

[35:43]say we notice as soon as that married man divorces his salary

[35:47]goes back down go Google it tonight you'll see so what is

[35:52]this showing us my friends do not make wealth an obstacle you

[35:55]see how many individuals they have this wrong perception that if I

[36:00]want to get married I have to be financially capable I have

[36:05]to have a big house a nice car 50 100,000 my account

[36:08]why why can't we start simple who's teaching us these ideas and

[36:15]beliefs why can't I live in my parents' basement for the first

[36:17]year first two until I'm able why can't I rent let me

[36:21]rent to the first few months the first few what's the problem

[36:23]why can't I live in a corner of my parents house you

[36:26]see Subhan Allah it's so ironic when she was single she lived

[36:31]in one room in her parents house usually shared bathroom he lived

[36:34]in his parents house one room shared bathroom now that they want

[36:37]to get married it has to be such a big big you

[36:41]know promotion now I need a huge house for four rooms private

[36:45]kitchen two living why you have no kids the same you know

[36:51]the same room that used to sleep in why can't you continue

[36:53]in that same room what's the problem is that Haram is there

[36:58]something wrong with it all you need is what is a private

[36:59]bathroom if your parents house has a private bathroom a secluded area

[37:04]with a bedroom the first year share the kitchen with your parents

[37:06]what's the big deal I know so many young people either their

[37:08]basement or a corner in the house is for them until 2

[37:12]three years down the line they're able to get out and get

[37:17]their own place why are we making money this obstacle in front

[37:18]of us so this is one thing that we have to be

[37:22]careful my friends when we see 50% of marriages end up in

[37:24]divorce no why we're doing something wrong it's Islam is against all

[37:28]the things that we're doing it's telling us this way but we

[37:32]never listen no I have to wait until I'm 30 I have

[37:35]to wait until I have buy a house car this that fine

[37:36]but then don't come back after a year when you get divorced

[37:40]and telling me why did I get divorced this is one thing

[37:46]another thing which is UN Islamic is the weddings do you know

[37:49]in the US an average wedding how much they spend on an

[37:53]average wedding $30,000 $30,000 is spent on 3 hours 3 hours four

[38:00]hours we spent $30,000 with the food and the dress and uh

[38:05]renting the place and the decorations and what and whatnot why who

[38:11]told us that this is right who told me that this is

[38:13]right why can't my wedding cost 10,000 why can't my wedding cost

[38:19]5,000 yes it is must to hold a wedding and invite people

[38:21]give them food but why 30,000 you could you could invite 4

[38:26]500 people and spend 10,000 spend 5,000 you know how many brothers

[38:28]I asked them why don't you get married you know why he

[38:30]says I don't have 30,000 even if the the the girl accept

[38:35]you know a humble wedding but how will the people see it

[38:39]in the community do you see our faith and our ideas and

[38:45]beliefs are not of Islam if you hear some guy gets married

[38:48]spends 5,000 everything's so humble you're going to look at that as

[38:54]a bad way won't won't you because the ideas that we have

[38:57]developed are all un Islamic unfortunately instead of encouraging others no we

[39:01]begin to discourage them we may mock them or laugh at them

[39:04]and this has become a reason in which so many young people

[39:08]did not get married why do I have to spend 30,000 and

[39:10]Splurge so much and then the honeymoon we have to spend 50

[39:15]Grand on why have a simple honeymoon spend something something you know

[39:21]um humble have a Frugal honeymoon what's the big deal will will

[39:25]will that destroy your marriage it won't and in fact my friend

[39:27]statistics state that those people that spend more on their marriages their

[39:33]marriages last less I saw a study conducted by one university called

[39:38]Emory University Google it they what they did a study on to

[39:44]see does how much how much you spend on your wedding does

[39:45]that have an effect on your marriage or not they found out

[39:49]that the marriages that lasted the long the longest were the ones

[39:53]that spent the less on their the least on their weddings the

[39:56]more you spend on your wedding the less it will last this

[40:03]is not Quran this is not of this is a study by

[40:04]University the ones that lasted for 40 50 60 years are the

[40:10]ones that spent 2,000 3,000 5,000 on their wedd the ones that

[40:12]spend 30 50 100 one year two years maximum they end because

[40:18]when your marriage is all built on materialistic things don't think it

[40:22]will last don't think it will last materialism does not last it's

[40:25]a it's a what it's a mirage it fools you it only

[40:29]brings you shortterm happiness after a few months after a year after

[40:32]two years tell us you want something else and that's why I

[40:38]remember I read in the news last year a Turkish man and

[40:40]his wife they had saved $30,000 to get married in Turkey before

[40:45]the marriage you know what they do they cancel the marriage and

[40:48]they hold a food drive they take that 30 grand they hold

[40:51]a food drive and said they got married but no wedding and

[40:56]they were able to feed 20 ,000 Syrian refugees in Turkey instead

[41:00]of feeding 200 300 people and dancing a little and you know

[41:06]committing so much Haram that we do unfortunately in our in our

[41:09]weddings it's all music and dancing We Begin our marriage by disobeying

[41:11]Allah and then we want Allah to bless our marriage 20,000 Syrian

[41:19]refugees they were able to feed with the money of their what

[41:21]with the money of their of their wedding do you think this

[41:27]makes Allah happy more or spending 30,000 on your wedding which what

[41:29]which will destroy your marriage the more you spend remember the study

[41:33]says the more you spend the less so who are we serving

[41:37]I'm not helping myself by spending more on my weddings and I'm

[41:40]not helping other people of course we're just destroying our marriages so

[41:43]when we see that our marriages are faulty 50% of divorces of

[41:47]marriages end up in divorce that means we have to change the

[41:51]way that we do our marriages if we just want to continue

[41:54]like my father like my grandfather like my my friend nothing is

[41:59]going to get better so Islam tells us my friends that the

[42:02]two criterias that you look for is Faith and manners this is

[42:07]what will bring you happiness do it and if you fail then

[42:10]come and object but we don't we don't we don't trust the

[42:14]we don't trust Allah subhah waala and they've left us the best

[42:22]examples look at the best example is the marriage of IM Ali

[42:24]is it IM Ali my role model role model means you follow

[42:27]him you learn from him you don't just say it and that's

[42:28]it look at the marriage of IM Ali and Fa the most

[42:33]beautiful most successful marriage probably in history how beautiful was it do

[42:37]you know how it began you think it began with money and

[42:39]lavish extravagant spending IM Ali his dowy was what his dowy was

[42:46]his shield 500 Dirhams maybe in today's currency it's probably $1,500 $1,000

[42:51]that was the DOW of FAA no matter how great you are

[42:53]sister you're not greater than fa zah the DIY of Fatima was

[43:00]$1,000 to $1,500 so don't make the DI so high I I

[43:02]remember one wedding I attended the dowy was $1 million and then

[43:06]I heard three months after they got married when you begin with

[43:08]such a DI don't expect anything better it's all materialism materialism materialism

[43:13]and how many fights I have witnessed between the parents of the

[43:17]girl and the parents of the guy just because of the daring

[43:21]it's as if it's an auction he goes up he goes down

[43:22]it's as if they're selling the daughter and look at how humble

[43:29]her do was and how humble their life IM Ali didn't even

[43:32]have a house but say Ohi whenever you could buy a house

[43:37]come no they spoke to one of the sahab they rented his

[43:41]house a very simple simple house maybe a two one bedroom two-bedroom

[43:44]house they had 20 pieces of of furniture and and utensils like

[43:48]what a pillow a mattress a pot very simple things and they

[43:54]had the most successful marriage happiness isn't always in the materialistic things

[44:01]my friends if we change the way that we are doing and

[44:04]living by and we follow the stories of and the of and

[44:11]Quran this is where we find the true happiness try it my

[44:14]friends and you will see how Allah subhana tala when you begin

[44:20]to trust him how he will make you successful but you have

[44:22]to trust him you tell him yaah Allah I hold your hands

[44:26]I trust you do what's right for me Allah subhana wa tala

[44:29]will never let you down if you say that and you do

[44:32]that I ask Allah subhana wa taala to bless us all to

[44:36]give us that courage that courage and that strength that we can

[44:39]and be able to follow the teachings of ah and the teachings

[44:44]of the Quran I ask him to accept oural our fasting and

[44:46]our prayers during this blessed month of Ramadan [Music]

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