Principles of Parenting Part II: The Early Years - Sayed Mehdi Qazwini (Night 9 Muharram 2019)

17 Bekeken· 24/03/23

Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo
abonnees

Principles of Parenting Part II: The Early Years - Sayed Mehdi Qazwini (Night 9 Muharram 2019) at the Ahlul Bayt Center of Toledo

Laat meer zien

Transcript

[0:00]you know regime allahi arrahmani arraheem al hamdu lillahi rabbil aalameen o

[0:06]salat WA Salam o Allah ashraf olymbia even more saline habib allah

[0:13]allah ameen bill cozumel Mustafa Muhammad Allah elevator Toya Benatar in al-mu'minun

[0:24]Monterrey beans allah llahu assalamu alayka ya rasul allah sallallahu wasallam ah

[0:34]RA Kayaba abdullah yah rahmatullahi wa ba Baba New Jersey llama la

[0:43]da Cunha Malcolm CID vana for suppose an edema audhu billahi min

[0:51]ash-shaitani rajim bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim ladina yahoo lunar abana rabbul aalameen as

[1:00]Regina Vittoria Tina Kurata Ariane one Almudena ammama sadaqa allahu al azim

[1:04]assalam hamid wa ala muhammad in a number of verses the Holy

[1:20]Quran describes in very interesting ways the human life cycle and what

[1:26]happens in terms of growth and decay physically biologically emotionally mentally spiritually

[1:32]one of the more prominent verses is in Chapter number thirty smell

[1:38]aha rahman al rahim allahu l'idée halacha cumin laughs semaj adam in

[1:46]body laughing or some modular member do what in laughs my Sheba

[1:52]yeah loco my Yasha waha while animal pedir how were we created

[1:57]the Quran says that initially when we were created we were created

[2:04]out of weakness and commentators have said that this refers to the

[2:09]weakness of a child a baby that a baby is dependent upon

[2:13]his or her environment the parents to take care of it in

[2:21]every single aspect not a single aspect other than what the body

[2:25]does automatically such as breathing and sleeping and the other internal functions

[2:30]can the baby take care of itself so when it comes to

[2:33]feeding when it comes to being bathed and clothed that is weakness

[2:40]since it does not have power and authority over itself and then

[2:44]the second stage if you were to divide it in three stages

[2:47]obviously after weakness comes strength from a demand body laughing poor man

[2:55]becomes mankind becomes capable able to take care of himself or herself

[3:08]becomes independent detaches himself or herself from their parents and then after

[3:12]strength they begin to wane one more time back into weakness almost

[3:21]like a childlike weakness and so every one of these cycles every

[3:29]one of these stages in life is significant and it shows us

[3:35]how neither weakness is temporary within us nor neither weakness is permanent

[3:41]so it is temporary nor is strength permanent when you feel like

[3:45]you have Authority when you feel like you have independence when you

[3:52]feel like you have control physically that doesn't last until the rest

[3:57]of your life eventually there are some faculties bodily faculties that stop

[4:03]functioning and through that you are brought back to a stage of

[4:07]weakness showing that all true and permanent strength belongs only to the

[4:12]Creator to allah subhana wa tada so a few nights ago we

[4:18]spoke about what it means to be a parent and what I

[4:23]spoke about was number one we need to realize our own paradigm

[4:25]in our habits and where we come from and self awareness because

[4:28]whatever we project in terms of teaching in terms of coaching in

[4:37]terms of tabia upbringing is a result of habit it's a result

[4:41]of behavior that more or less has been passed down to us

[4:46]from our parents and passed down from our grandparents and our great-grandparents

[4:51]when it comes to sometimes disciplinary methods or disciplinary attitudes it's something

[4:57]which is normally passed down when it comes to for instance you

[5:07]know God forbid certain certain tendencies like alcoholism alcohol abuse or misuse

[5:14]it it can become so permeated that it becomes hereditary it becomes

[5:17]genetic and it's passed down from one generation to another and so

[5:21]it takes someone who is a transition person with a lot of

[5:26]courage with a great courage and great strength to be able to

[5:28]draw the line in the sand and say that this type of

[5:34]behavior stops with me the Quran also emphasizes the very early years

[5:37]from before a child is born the stages of conception as the

[5:45]child develops in the womb of the mother and then when the

[5:48]child is born and emerges into childhood and as adolescence and those

[5:54]are psychologists also tell us that those are very very significant years

[6:00]they're important years because it's during that time that a child begins

[6:08]to learn very critical life skills and they adopt certain traits and

[6:15]a certain view that carries on with them for the rest of

[6:18]their life for instance children at that age begin to learn trust

[6:27]and Trust is the glue that holds relationships together now Trust is

[6:34]not just being able to trust someone but but also being a

[6:39]trustworthy person that if someone keeps something safe with you such as

[6:43]a secret that it is to be trusted all of this comes

[6:46]through observation and the primary influencers in a family or who the

[6:51]parents the parents biologically they create the child but you're right towards

[7:02]your children is not just the biological right there is indeed a

[7:12]hack a right that the parent owes the child in the same

[7:15]way that the child owes the parents and the great example of

[7:23]that how we learn about haku one of the one of the

[7:25]great documents on that is Alice a little poke the imam zain

[7:31]al-abideen a laser on our 4th Imam in which he describes what

[7:33]is the right of a parent's upon a child a mother a

[7:41]father a teacher a brother so there are different rights and the

[7:44]child begins to observe they begin to learn how to be a

[7:47]friend they begin to learn self-esteem they begin to learn how to

[7:56]share they begin to learn creative imagination all of these are very

[8:03]critical components in the life of a human being that would remain

[8:09]with the human being for the rest of their life but they

[8:12]are created they are molded and they are fashioned during those early

[8:17]years so the attitude of a child when they look at their

[8:27]parents is also the attitude of you're the grown-up you're the grown-up

[8:33]you need to know I don't need to know you need to

[8:38]know and so that's why child psychologists they suggest that as as

[8:43]rebellious as children can be now whether they're young children or mid

[8:51]aged children or adolescents as as rebellious that they can be at

[8:56]the same time because they see that the world around them can

[9:02]be chaotic especially later in the years during their youth years and

[9:05]their adolescent years it's because of that fact that even though they

[9:10]act rebellious they still expect standards from their parents and a lot

[9:16]of parents they see their children's rebellious attitude the way that they

[9:21]interpret it is that my child simply does not want to follow

[9:24]the rules and that's not necessarily true even if a child exhibits

[9:30]that they do not want to follow the rules in reality they

[9:36]need standards they need guidelines it's during those very early ages you

[9:43]find during you know from age around three to six years old

[9:48]during the preschool kindergarten first grade that you see that children also

[9:54]become very creative in their imagination the way that they interpret and

[9:59]they imagine or the way that they sometimes misinterpret certain things the

[10:05]behaviors that they taught that they're taught there was an article that

[10:09]came out more than a decade ago and it was discussing the

[10:16]case maybe some of you are familiar with this but it it

[10:21]was discussing the case of a young girl who lived in a

[10:24]city in the Ukraine and her parents were you know poor and

[10:32]they could not provide fully for her so there were more there

[10:34]were more people in the house and there was room for people

[10:41]to sleep so at around the age of imagine at around the

[10:43]age of three years old she went outside to sleep with the

[10:49]dogs in the kennel and she spent years in that state so

[10:53]the documentary that they did on her or the you know piece

[11:00]in the documentary showed her behavior and she was acting exactly like

[11:05]a dog she would bark at the people who were filming her

[11:07]the way that she would you know stick her tongue out and

[11:13]pants the the way and breathed the way that a dog does

[11:17]she was obviously on all fours trying to run on her the

[11:20]palms of her hands and her knees you know when she'd get

[11:25]close to a water a faucet the way that a dog washes

[11:28]itself and sort of rinses itself off she would do the same

[11:34]thing and they had found her in this state she had slept

[11:37]around the dogs she even ate with them the way that she

[11:42]carried a bone in her mouth and even though many years later

[11:45]and and and and many years of treatment and and and you

[11:52]know psychoanalysts later she had completely changed and she had become a

[11:56]normal human being a function and human being she was saying that

[11:59]she can turn to that doglike state whenever she wanted because it's

[12:03]something that happened so early on in her life so it made

[12:09]an imprint so there are three areas that I want to discuss

[12:12]when it comes to helping your children guide guiding your children from

[12:20]that stage of what the Quran calls weakness love all the weights

[12:23]are for one to strength one of the most important areas is

[12:31]the area of understanding and managing fear now psychologists state that there

[12:38]are two fears that we are inherently born with the first is

[12:43]a fear of heights and the second is a fear of loud

[12:50]noises that's why you see sometimes if you turn on a vacuum

[12:52]around the baby or you shut a door or do something as

[12:59]small as crunch a bottle they turn around they're agitated or they're

[13:05]surprised but even though those are fears that children learn or children

[13:10]are born with they can unlearn them obviously people don't remain afraid

[13:15]of heights for the rest of their life some people do but

[13:20]not everyone and the fear of loud noises also goes away every

[13:25]other fear psychologists say is learned so when you talk about the

[13:30]six fears there are six fears that Napoleon Hill talks about the

[13:34]fear of poverty criticism ill health loss of love old age and

[13:41]death these are the six most prominent fears if you think about

[13:45]it children are not babies are not born with that I mean

[13:49]what baby is afraid afraid of poverty there is no understanding of

[13:53]wealth and poverty or the fear of loss of love of someone

[13:56]that's not a fear that develops until later a few years later

[14:04]so there are some fears that are acquired such as what fear

[14:09]of criticism when people say they are afraid of public speaking they

[14:13]say it's some people claim that it's the number one fear in

[14:19]the world the fear of public speaking well it goes away it's

[14:22]something that goes away that fear goes away with practice fear some

[14:28]people say is an acronym for false evidence appearing real so if

[14:33]somebody fears something that you do not fear what's the tendency what

[14:39]if your if you're able to walk them through when someone fears

[14:42]something that you don't fear what do you tell them you tell

[14:47]them don't fear but the reality is that they fear it in

[14:49]the same way that there are some things that you fear imagine

[14:52]someone says well what does don't fear that don't worry about that

[14:59]and sometimes when we say don't worry don't worry is one of

[15:02]the most ineffective phrases that we can say to someone because worry

[15:06]and fear can manifest itself in a very physical way in a

[15:11]physiological way there are some fears we know that are rational and

[15:20]some fears that are irrational irrational fears are the ones that are

[15:24]called phobia so anytime you see a phobia that's an irrational fear

[15:29]such as what when people say Islamophobia it's an irrational fear and

[15:35]fear is also based in ignorance so when people say Islamophobia or

[15:45]some people they have claustrophobia fear of tight spaces some people have

[15:52]fear of they they call it arachnophobia which is the fear of

[15:56]spiders there's a phobia and forgetting the name now but it's when

[16:01]people are afraid of clowns that's a phobia there's even a phobia

[16:07]if you look in the dictionary I'm not kidding this is real

[16:10]you can look it up it's the fear of having peanut butter

[16:12]stick to the roof of your mouth there's a name for that

[16:16]there's a specific name for that and if you've ever had it

[16:20]that if you've ever had that happen it could be a very

[16:22]fearful the frightening experience thinking that you're gonna choke and die lack

[16:26]of oxygen so these are phobias these are all irrational fears but

[16:32]sometimes there are rational fears such as the fear of death such

[16:38]as the fear of poverty such as the fear of old but

[16:40]even fears that are rational they can be remedied this is why

[16:46]you see people who have lived that they do not fear old

[16:49]age they embrace old age or they're not afraid of death there

[16:54]are courageous people that live in this world that they do not

[16:58]fear death they know that it's a reality they know that it's

[17:00]coming when it comes to your children though how do you walk

[17:05]them through so I'll give you an example this was an example

[17:07]that I read earlier so what does it look like to acknowledge

[17:10]someone's fear and then walk them through it so if a child

[17:16]for instance is afraid of a barking dog do you tell them

[17:18]not to worry or you tell them it's okay that you worry

[17:21]but I'm here with you and by the way this is this

[17:25]is not just walking a child through their fears sometimes you can

[17:29]walk through these practices you're able to walk an adult through their

[17:32]fears as well because sometimes there are adults that are afraid of

[17:37]dogs for instance that a dog is gonna come out and bite

[17:39]them it's okay to tell them that it's okay to fear sometimes

[17:46]it's okay as a parent to show your children that when I

[17:49]was your age I also used to fear certain things what psychologists

[17:53]say is that sometimes children during those early ages they can't tell

[17:59]the difference between the function of a human body and a machine

[18:05]or an inanimate object so when they see for instance a vacuum

[18:09]cleaner they think that it has the power to gobble them up

[18:15]and swallow them or if they see an action figure or a

[18:17]doll miss its arm and it becomes dislocated they think the same

[18:22]thing can come with them and can happen to them and this

[18:24]is something that they truly fear even though as an adult you

[18:30]may think that it is irrational I'll give you a personal example

[18:34]when I was younger one of the fears that I had for

[18:36]a number of years my family lived in London the United Kingdom

[18:41]so if you've been there hear the public mailboxes if you've seen

[18:45]they're the blue ones the blue public mailbox that you open the

[18:48]lid you throw the letter in and you close over there it's

[18:52]much taller it's about this tall and it's red and it has

[18:57]a mouth that opens and my fear as a child was that

[19:00]at nighttime when everybody goes to sleep these things they start roaming

[19:04]the streets and they can swallow people up because it had a

[19:07]mouth and it was much bigger than me and height now you're

[19:10]thinking now that this is an irrational fear but for a five-year-old

[19:15]or a six-year-old it was a rational fear but there's ways to

[19:21]help people move beyond those fears the second is when it comes

[19:27]to helping your children navigate through what's going on on TV and

[19:34]the media now TV has obviously changed over the past 10 15

[19:38]20 years but one thing that has been consistent if you look

[19:42]over the past you know 10 15 20 30 years is violence

[19:47]violence on TV it's very prevalent and sometimes when children watch TV

[19:53]and they see violence they can think that it's very normal for

[20:00]someone to behave in a very violent matter there was a study

[20:03]that was conducted in Stanford University a number of years ago by

[20:07]a professor of psychology and it was called the bandura's Bobo doll

[20:12]experiments now a Bobo doll if you don't know what it is

[20:18]is one of those dolls that if you hit it it comes

[20:22]back it's filled with air and if you hit it it comes

[20:24]back sort of like a punching bag it was a series of

[20:31]experience experiments that were conducted and basically what they would do is

[20:34]that they would take a child who was around the age of

[20:37]4 or 5 and they would have him or her observe the

[20:43]way that adults treated this doll so they had an adult and

[20:46]there's a video of it that you can watch it's picking up

[20:49]this doll throwing it up in the air smacking it left smacking

[20:51]it right throwing it on the floor kicking it being violent with

[20:56]it and then they would place the child in the room with

[20:58]the doll and you can guess how the child would react how

[21:04]the child would behave in the exact same way that the parent

[21:08]behaved they also conducted in terms of that experiment where another group

[21:13]of children would sit and they would witness a parent or an

[21:19]adult figure behave very peacefully with the doll and not punch it

[21:23]and not kick it what do you expect happen the same behavior

[21:28]it was mimicked everything that they saw from their parents they took

[21:35]it into their conscious so violence is one thing another thing with

[21:39]TV why most people have stopped watching TV is advertisements but no

[21:44]matter where you go the advertisements are gonna get you and they

[21:48]make you pay up if you don't want to watch advertisements anymore

[21:55]and if you haven't seen a charity sment on children's TV in

[21:58]a long time I recommend you go back because every every year

[22:01]they get better and better with the way that they they sell

[22:05]to children you know a 30-second commercial or a 20-second commercial everything's

[22:11]quick flashing lights everything's perfect and then they throw the price at

[22:17]you it's important to explain to children when they're watching TV what

[22:21]an advertisement is and the purpose behind an advertisement that it's a

[22:25]means to get you to buy and not just buy but you

[22:27]buy right now and hamdullah with the blessings of everything on demand

[22:33]and Amazon Prime and Amazon same-day delivery it becomes possible for everyone

[22:36]to get what they want there was another study that was conducted

[22:43]at Stanford University many years ago some of you are probably familiar

[22:48]with this it was called the marshmallow test and basically what the

[22:52]marshmallow test was they took a group of five and six-year-olds they

[22:56]placed them in a room and the person conducting the experiment would

[23:01]sit across the table from them and there was a marshmallow in

[23:05]front of them and they were told this person that was sitting

[23:08]across the adult that was sitting across the table they'd say that

[23:11]word again I'm gonna leave the room and I'm gonna come back

[23:16]15 20 minutes later a while later if that marshmallow is still

[23:23]there and you haven't touched it and you've resisted you get rewarded

[23:28]with a second one and if it's not there then nothing you've

[23:31]already enjoyed the one that we put in front of you so

[23:36]they would leave the room now about half of them would eat

[23:39]it right away there was it there was a way that they

[23:41]were able to witness all of this about half of them would

[23:45]eat it right away and another half would wait they were patient

[23:48]so they'd get rewarded with the second one now the interesting part

[23:55]is that they tracked these children for many decades later and when

[24:01]they tracked them down as adults and they recorded their habits and

[24:05]they recorded their behaviors and their reactions they found the ones that

[24:09]were patient they found the ones that delayed their gratification they found

[24:14]the ones that resisted their temptation in any which way possible they

[24:18]did better in life in many different areas when it came to

[24:25]their relationships they did better in life they made better choices they

[24:31]made better health choices when it came to mental illnesses when it

[24:34]came to for instance anxiety they had less percentage of anxiety because

[24:39]they had restraint because it wasn't about what I can get right

[24:43]now and the challenge with advertisements is that it's about what I

[24:47]can get right now at this moment think about it how many

[24:51]times have you seen an advertisement and sometimes it's an advertisement for

[24:55]something that you haven't even thought of you didn't even think about

[24:59]before but you saw the commercial and not only did you learn

[25:02]about this thing that it exists but you told yourself in your

[25:07]mind that I need it right now I need to get it

[25:11]right now so in the short term you may get what you

[25:13]want but in the long term that creates damage so it boils

[25:19]down to moderate monitoring what is seen on TV and today it's

[25:24]not just TV but it's you know it's iPads and iPhones and

[25:31]social media because that becomes their door the world and the Quran

[25:37]tells us that those that that age that that age group what

[25:40]they see it remains with them for the rest of their life

[25:45]what they witness remains with them for the rest of their life

[25:47]it says as an example in chapter 24 bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim yeah

[25:54]you holla Dena Amano Leah no c'mon Lavina Malik at a monochrome

[25:58]while ladina Lamia blowhole Hanuman income income salata Murat so oh you

[26:03]who believe those people that are working in your home and the

[26:07]children that you have that are under the age of puberty so

[26:13]it's talking about childhood early childhood if they are to enter your

[26:17]private quarters your private room let them ask permission during three times

[26:24]the first time and this is chapter 24 verse 58 let them

[26:29]ask for your permission three times men publish salat al-fajr before the

[26:34]federal time when you're still asleep the second Mahina tell our own

[26:42]Athiya becoming Abba Hira so during the midday when you come back

[26:45]home and and you remove your outer layer of clothing and the

[26:49]third woman by the salat elisha after the Asha prayer Salah for

[26:56]our art in Lacombe these three times the Quran says an hour

[27:00]is what an hour's is something that is private a private part

[27:03]these three times are private for you so that they don't witness

[27:11]what they should not witness it's the time of privacy between the

[27:14]husband and wife out of that if you look at the world

[27:21]of psychology it's because of that that psychologists such as Sigmund Freud

[27:25]and Carl Jung came up with the idea of the Oedipus complex

[27:27]and the Electra complex how children when it comes to their their

[27:34]desire and vying for the attention of their parents and jealousy towards

[27:38]their parents it comes from the private things that they witness at

[27:42]a young age that they should not witness now it's a pretty

[27:46]bizarre theory that they've come up with but there is a basis

[27:52]to it that children see certain things and then the young the

[27:55]young girl starts to get jealous of her mother because she wants

[27:59]her her father's attention and her father Simon the opposite the young

[28:04]boy becomes jealous of his father and resentful because he wants his

[28:08]mother's attention and mother's son because they see certain things that are

[28:13]private so they come to certain realizations the basis of that is

[28:17]true though that what they witness at a young age so when

[28:21]it comes to your words whether you choose to use profanity in

[28:24]front of your children or not some people choose to use profanity

[28:27]in front of their children with the idea that they don't speak

[28:34]they don't even talk yet they understand and they listen even before

[28:39]they are born when they are in their mother's womb there was

[28:43]a experiment that was conducted one time where they had children babies

[28:49]that were in their mother's womb they would play a certain song

[28:53]for them when the children when the child was born even at

[29:01]those early age early stages the infant stage they would attach and

[29:04]I don't know exactly how they did this but they would attach

[29:10]a feeding bottle with milk and the more the child would pull

[29:13]from the bottle the more it would play a certain song and

[29:18]they found that the song that was played that the baby was

[29:21]familiar with in his or her mother's womb was the one that

[29:26]they were more attracted to so they would drink more out of

[29:29]the bottle to hear the song even though the baby was in

[29:34]the womb of the mother so it starts even before that so

[29:38]exposure my friends is important sometimes I've been to some households where

[29:43]the TV is on 24 hours a day never turns off there's

[29:47]always white noise in the background there's always commercials in the background

[29:53]or nonsense in the background knowing when to turn off the TV

[29:57]if you've watched it knowing when to turn it off so this

[30:02]is one area the area of one one area was the area

[30:04]of managing fear one is television and and and what we see

[30:09]and and what some psychologists say is look when it when it

[30:12]comes to giving your children technology there are two ground rules that

[30:15]everyone should follow number one is delay it as much as possible

[30:18]children are gonna ask to have devices by age two or three

[30:23]delay it as much as possible this is number one and number

[30:26]two a rule that really helps in the household and I've seen

[30:32]people implement this and it works is no social media and no

[30:34]phones at night not in your bedroom there's nothing that's important that

[30:38]needs to ping you and wake you up in the middle of

[30:42]the night if you're 12 and 13 years old nothing at all

[30:45]there is no emergency that requires your attention at that age so

[30:49]the third is the area of possession and giving this is very

[30:54]important my friends learning how to give and what to give the

[30:59]Quran says the following when attached and the other come of low

[31:03]alert and allah Anoka one atop sutra : Bosley Fatah Adama lumen

[31:06]masuleh a very vivid description and this is a this is a

[31:17]general direction that says don't place your hand clamped to your neck

[31:21]what does that mean that's a sign of greediness have you seen

[31:26]children when they're holding the toy or they're holding the food item

[31:29]or the or they're holding something and you try to take it

[31:31]away from them where do they put it they put it to

[31:33]their chest it's instinctual for them to put it to their chest

[31:38]to their neck the Quran says well a touch on the other

[31:40]chemical Allah turned in Arabic so when you give give don't be

[31:47]the type of person who always has their hand up to their

[31:50]neck up to their chest when someone asks you to give when

[31:56]someone asks you to contribute when someone asks you to donate also

[32:01]while at subsidy : Bosley Fatah cardamom and masseur do not extend

[32:05]it completely meaning do not give away everything that you have some

[32:10]people they're irresponsibly generous generosity is to be in moderation so some

[32:22]people are irresponsibly generous they give away every single thing that they

[32:26]have and things that maybe they don't have that belongs to other

[32:29]people well at of succulent Bostaph attack are the madam and Monsieur

[32:33]ah if you give away everything and you find yourself in a

[32:37]state of poverty the quran says then you have no one to

[32:39]blame except for yourself and sometimes we when it comes to our

[32:43]children we need them to learn a sense of possession meaning to

[32:50]own before that before they can give before they can share because

[32:53]the mantra that we teach our children about sharing is what what

[32:56]do we tell our kids about sharing what's the phrase that everybody

[33:02]uses sharing is caring which is true but sometimes a child needs

[33:05]to learn how to possess and own before they can share and

[33:12]before they can give I'll give you an example Steven Covey talks

[33:15]about this he says that one day I came home the author

[33:19]he says and it was my daughter's third birthday and I saw

[33:23]her standing in the corner and she had all of her toys

[33:26]to herself and there were all these kids and they had their

[33:29]hands outstretched they wanted to share on the toys but she had

[33:31]it to herself she didn't want to share so he said I

[33:36]came to her he said and I asked her I said sweetie

[33:42]why don't you share your Shield share your toys with the children

[33:44]she said no so he said I I began to reason with

[33:49]her I said you know it's good sharing is caring if you

[33:53]share with people people are gonna share with you this is reasoning

[33:56]this is logic she said no I don't want to share he

[34:00]said okay now I have to change my tactic he said then

[34:02]I started to bribe her I told her you know if you

[34:06]do share I have a surprise for you I'll give you a

[34:09]piece of gum she said no I don't want a piece of

[34:10]gum I want my toys he said then he got really embarrassed

[34:15]he said then I started to threaten her I said if you

[34:18]don't give your toys and if you don't share your toys something

[34:21]really bad is gonna happen she said no I'm not gonna share

[34:26]so finally he said I was I was I was so embarrassed

[34:29]in front of the other parents so I grabbed some of the

[34:31]toys and I just gave it to the child and he said

[34:35]I realized two things later on when I reflected he said what

[34:41]I did was wrong number one I cared more about what the

[34:44]other parents thought than my relationship with my daughter sometimes we are

[34:48]as parents we care about how is this parent gonna judge me

[34:53]when I speak to my child in a certain way the behavior

[34:56]we include someone else triangulation in our relationship with our own children

[35:02]because of a fear of how somebody is going to judge us

[35:06]that this person is not a good enough parent or this person

[35:08]is not an effective parent he said that that should have been

[35:11]the last thing on my mind the relationship between me and my

[35:15]daughter was more important about what other people thought about me and

[35:20]that embarrassment and he said number two children need to learn possession

[35:26]before they can share before they can give there's a saying in

[35:30]Arabic faddish a lie hardly a person that doesn't have cannot give

[35:34]so when they don't have a sense of ownership and when they

[35:38]don't have a sense of possession they can never share they can

[35:41]never give and he says what what tends to happen is that

[35:47]if it's not addressed properly at a young age it carries with

[35:50]a person for the rest of their life that because they don't

[35:55]have a proper they don't own and they don't possess a true

[35:59]identity of themselves they've never owned their own identity they don't know

[36:03]how to give and take when it comes to a relationship that's

[36:06]why their relationships are messed up because at a young age they're

[36:11]never taught to share because they're never taught to own sometimes you

[36:16]need to own before you can share an amount personally salam was

[36:22]the greatest example of the person that was able to share and

[36:26]give and contribute he gave everything that he had everything that was

[36:31]dear to him everything that was meaningful to him everything that was

[36:34]significant to him including his own children and the way that an

[36:44]imam sadiq ali salam describes him he says wah bah da da

[36:48]mo Hodja Tahu fie Kelly astanga dari Baedeker min LJ hala maharaja

[36:56]bharata that he gave up his moja do you know what that

[36:59]is maha is the blood that's in the heart the blood of

[37:03]the heart is called maha when someone asks us to contribute earlier

[37:07]today there was a blood drive when someone asks you to contribute

[37:10]blood you don't stick the needle in the heart you stick it

[37:14]in the vein in the arm even though it's all the same

[37:18]blood it all gets circulated but the heart of the blood is

[37:21]something which is very dear imam hussain ali salam and imam sadiq

[37:24]describes him he said he gave up the heart of his blood

[37:29]because on that day blood was pouring out of his heart it

[37:32]was but it was pouring out of his chest when the arrows

[37:35]fell into his chest blood was coming from every part of his

[37:38]body when he was struck by the enemy in order to get

[37:44]what in order to save people from ignorance in order to save

[37:48]people from going astray that was the exchange I'll give you the

[37:54]blood of my heart in return give these people guidance what a

[37:59]heavy heavy price he paid and sometimes we don't realize the price

[38:04]that he paid so we remain ignorant and we remain lost intentionally

[38:11]when we can know when we can be knowledgable when we can

[38:14]be enlightened and so I just want to take a couple of

[38:19]minutes brothers and sisters to talk about donating and giving and contributing

[38:24]you know centers like these and modulus like these it doesn't happen

[38:27]just out of thin air everything that's put here together is very

[38:32]intentional and it would be very nice if we can build our

[38:37]centers by writing checks of salawats but unfortunately you can't put salawats

[38:40]on a check so imam hussain ali salam gave everything that he

[38:49]had everything that was most dear to him and we're also asked

[38:52]for a contribution in exchange we are also asked to share what

[38:57]is dear to us what is valuable to us and in reality

[38:59]the least valuable thing to us is what money it's the least

[39:03]valuable thing the most valuable thing is time but you still require

[39:07]that thing which is least valuable in order to support the modulus

[39:11]so I will I'll ask you and I'll encourage you to give

[39:15]and look at the example of imam hussain ali salaam that he

[39:18]gave for all of humanity wobba denominator who vehicle is done today

[39:25]i Baedeker mean LG hala o'hara to valhalla and one of the

[39:32]dearest people to the heart to imam for saying holly salam was

[39:37]his son Ali in Al Akbar a man who according to the

[39:41]description of his own father kana Ashkenazi Halpin Oaxacan mamantov and be

[39:47]Rasul Allah he was the most similar there was such a striking

[39:55]resemblance when you would see his face of Rasul Allah of his

[40:01]great-grandfather one narration says that a man a Christian man had come

[40:06]to Medina during the time of imam hussain ali salam and he

[40:13]entered the mess truth of the prophet and people saw him and

[40:15]they said what are you what are you doing here inside the

[40:19]message of the Prophet this is exclusive for the Muslim community and

[40:23]so he told them that I have accepted Islam and he described

[40:27]to them a dream that he had that he saw essa aleihsalaam

[40:35]and essa aleihsalaam told him he pointed next to him and in

[40:39]that dream was also the prophet muhammad sallallahoalyhiwasallam and so I saw

[40:51]Lisa Ron told him to accept he said this is the messenger

[40:58]after me so he accepted Islam but he came to Medina in

[41:01]order to repeat his Shahada his testimony of faith so they pointed

[41:06]him to the home of imam hussain ali salaam so he went

[41:11]to the home and he explained to the imam his dream and

[41:17]then he repeated his Shahada and since he had seen the prophet

[41:20]in in his dream he knew what the prophet looked like it

[41:24]was the dream was still fresh in his mind the appearance of

[41:27]the Prophet so imam hussain ali salam says do you want to

[41:30]see someone who has the most striking resemblance to the Prophet do

[41:34]you want to see the Prophet again he says yes he brought

[41:38]to him his son Ali in Aliquippa he says this is him

[41:41]this is the one that when we long for the Prophet we

[41:44]look at his face because he reminds us of the Prophet in

[41:50]his physical appearance in his character in his demeanor in the way

[41:53]that he walked in the way that he spoke everything about him

[41:57]resembled the Prophet was similar to the Prophet and any man and

[42:01]an alien Allah Akbar was a man of great conviction narration says

[42:06]that on the way to Karbala of course imam hussain ali salam

[42:13]was struggling during those days he knew that death was imminent and

[42:19]the end was imminent so a narration says that ali akbar saw

[42:24]his father in that state that he would sort of doze off

[42:28]he would fall asleep and wake up and he kept repeating in

[42:30]nod allahu and night later our own in allah wa inna ilayhi

[42:34]about your own so it and in like a bar turned to

[42:38]his father he said father what is it that is grieving you

[42:41]what is it that is bothering you he said to him our

[42:47]last night al haq are we not on the path of truth

[42:50]imam hussain said to him benaiah buna yes surely we are on

[42:55]the path of truth so Ali Al Akbar responds then land nobody

[43:02]waka Elmo to Elena and Wakana idle modes it doesn't make a

[43:05]difference then if we know we're doing the right thing it doesn't

[43:09]make a difference whether we fall upon death or death falls upon

[43:11]us doesn't make a difference his mother was Laila been a beam

[43:20]or lithography a lady a noble lady from a noble tribe and

[43:27]known for their bravery and on that day the day of ashura

[43:36]imam hussain ali salam after his companions went out into the battlefield

[43:40]the first of the Ben Hashem was a Lena like para and

[43:43]imagine how tough it was how hard it was for the heart

[43:48]of a father to send his son out into the battlefield but

[43:53]he knew that it was inevitable he knew it was something that

[43:55]would happen so when he prepared him he recited the verses in

[43:58]lava Adam oh no Ibrahim Rana Allah Allah mean the riittää no

[44:07]harm in bar wa llahu Semyon Adam he said o Allah bear

[44:10]witness upon these people Allah Masha Allah him that knocketh Barraza alayhim

[44:15]wala moon ashkenazi Halcon Oaxacan want o Canberra Sulak oh Allah I

[44:21]bear witness upon these people bear witness that the person who was

[44:28]going out into the battlefield he is the most in his resemblance

[44:31]to rasoolallah in every way alina akbar went out into the battlefield

[44:36]introducing himself Anna Anna you've known for say nope no Ali nah

[44:40]no our ability Allah been a be a very become be safe

[44:47]haughty Anthony VAR ba gua min Hashemi and Anna we - la

[44:53]la Akuma FINA blue dye that I am Ali the son of

[44:55]Hussein the son of Ali and I will defend the household of

[45:00]my father and by God the one whose father is not known

[45:02]shall not rule above us meaning Yazeed and he went out into

[45:10]the battlefield narration some narrations suggest that his MA Leila was inside

[45:14]of the tent and she was looking outside to the face of

[45:21]hussain ali salam to see his facial expressions and all of a

[45:24]sudden as ali akbar was out into the battlefield his facial expressions

[45:30]the facial expressions of the father began to change so she turned

[45:34]to him she said ced about abdullah hello.c but when I D

[45:39]be shaded something happened to my son that you are now frowning

[45:42]he told her nothing has happened to him but a warrior has

[45:48]come out into the battlefield and I fear for his life because

[45:50]this warrior was known for his bravery he told her to stay

[45:56]in the tent and to pray for the return of her son

[45:58]he said I heard Rasul Allah say that when a mother does

[46:03]a dua for her son it is accepted so she went inside

[46:05]the tent she turned to Allah subhana WA Ta'ala she began with

[46:10]her Dora the arad they used to for Alaia KU o he

[46:15]who brought use of back back to the father yeah although the

[46:18]awliya whether they bring for me back my son and within a

[46:21]few moments alina akbar came back but when he came back he

[46:28]was tired physically he was exhausted he was thirsty he turned to

[46:31]his father he said a betta a la pêche capital Ani was

[46:37]sipping all had ideas had any he says that the thirst is

[46:40]killing me and the heaviness of the armor it is weighing down

[46:45]on me is there anything for me to drink not even one

[46:48]sip of water imam hussain ali salam assured him he said my

[46:53]dear son if there was anything I am more thirsty than you

[46:56]there was nothing that he can do to help him at this

[47:00]time he said but go out into the battlefield in a few

[47:01]moments you'll be reunited with your grandfather he will give you a

[47:07]drink of water from which you shall never experienced any thirst again

[47:12]so he went out into the battlefield on top of his on

[47:15]top of his horse fighting valiantly until finally one of the enemy

[47:23]soldiers threw a spear in his way and it landed in his

[47:26]chest that struck in his chest the blood began to gush forth

[47:29]from his chest covering the eyes of the horse the narration says

[47:35]that the horse instead of bringing him back to the camp of

[47:38]imam husain it went directly towards the camp of armor of Mossad

[47:43]and at that moment the enemy army began to surround him they

[47:45]began to rain down upon him with their swords and their daggers

[47:48]finally Ali in an echo bar he fell off of his horse

[47:52]he fell onto the floor he called out for his father his

[47:59]father ran out to him he found him in that state during

[48:01]those last few moments how has a father supposed to react with

[48:07]his son when he sees him in this state he began to

[48:08]remove the dust and the dirt from his beard and his face

[48:13]he placed his own cheek on his son streak he said Barnea

[48:15]alle alle dunya bad acalypha my dear son Ali this life is

[48:22]no longer worth living after you now that I have lost you

[48:27]I have lost everything in allah wa inna ilayhi write your own

[48:30]was a Alamelu deen of allah more am uncle opinion palaburn while

[48:34]our paper to limit subpoena rahim allah al mumineen a while -

[48:40]well Muslim inna one Muslim at Allah he Muhammad Ahmad Taha been

[48:44]on our banner humble Fiat in nakamori buddha wat in naka coddle

[48:48]heart in Makaha coalition pedir gramatica are homogeneous allahu wa sallim ala

[48:55]sayyidina muhammad wada elevated to be not Pauline

0 Comments

Volgende

Principles of Parenting Part II: The Early Years - Sayed Mehdi Qazwini (Night 9 Muharram 2019)

Transcript

Volgende

Ontdek meer

Houd er rekening mee dat als u jonger bent dan 18 jaar, u geen toegang kunt krijgen tot deze site.

Volgende

Principles of Parenting Part II: The Early Years - Sayed Mehdi Qazwini (Night 9 Muharram 2019)

Transcript

Volgende

Ontdek meer

Kies een betaal methode

Taal