Night 7 - Raising Teens & Tweens | Shaykh Azhar Nasser, Muharram 2023

11 Bekeken· 23/07/25

Wessex Jamaat
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Muharram Majalis 1445/2023 Wessex Jamaat Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this program are those of the speakers and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views or position of Wessex Jamaat & Al Mahdi Centre, its affiliates, members, office bearers or Trustees. Donate now & support the majalis at: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=WZCEZ9L6DKBZ2 Guest Speaker: Shaykh Azhar Nasser, Tasneem Institute Venue: Al Mahdi Centre, Wessex Jamaat

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Transcript

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[1:09]afford to help us uphold the azadari of Abu Abdullah may your

[1:12]donations be a source of blessings for you your families and your

[1:15]motherhome inshallah this evening will be continuing his series on the topic

[1:25]of fortifying our families the topic for tonight will be raising teens

[1:30]and tweens can I ask all them what we need to join

[1:35]me in welcoming Sheikh with the recitation of three loud salawats [Music]

[1:48][Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] ready because uh um [Music]

[3:41]foreign foreign [Music] [Music] Muhammad [Music] respected Elders brothers and sisters one

[4:41]of the greatest blessings that Allah can bestow upon a person is

[4:48]to Grant him righteous children to Grant him progeny we have many

[5:01]a Hadith many Traditions from the that speak about the worldly benefits

[5:09]of having good children God-fearing children as well as the spiritual benefits

[5:15]of having righteous children we have a beautiful statement from our fourth

[5:22]Imam foreign it is from the prosperity of a person who it

[5:43]is from the prosperity and the Good Fortune of a person to

[5:49]have a progeny to have children that he can rely upon that

[5:56]he can rely upon in terms of his Dunya and his you

[6:01]see when you look at the Quran for instance he mentions that

[6:11]there are two things in this life that are considered the most

[6:17]precious to the human being the two main adornments of this life

[6:21]Allah says [Music] well and children are the adornment of the world

[6:36]of this life and this applies to both meaning you see even

[6:43]someone who doesn't have faith Allah put this desire this love in

[6:50]their hearts you see a person might not even believe in God

[6:55]they might be the wealthiest of the wealthy if their child God

[7:02]forbid has cancer they will spend all of their wealth to save

[7:06]their children in fact the ultimate joy in life is to spend

[7:14]time with your family to spend time with your children if you

[7:18]ask anyone on their Deathbed what do you wish you did more

[7:23]of you're not going to find anyone that's going to say I

[7:25]wish I worked more you're always going to find that the answer

[7:28]is what I wish I spent more time with my children because

[7:33]they're the ultimate source of joy in this life in fact there

[7:39]was a study that was done recently in Sweden that looked at

[7:46]differences in life expectancy between parents and childless people and they found

[7:54]that those who have children live longer especially when a person reaches

[8:03]80 years and older because having children gives your life a sense

[8:11]of purpose it adds value to your life you feel like your

[8:15]life has meaning they bring joy they keep you company you are

[8:21]able in some ways to actually live vicariously through your your children

[8:26]you might you might have missed many opportunities in your own life

[8:30]and you feel like you almost get a second chance to actualize

[8:36]those dreams through your children maybe you never went to college but

[8:42]you invest and you work hard so your child can get a

[8:47]good education why because it almost feels like you are actualizing that

[8:51]dream for yourself so to have children is a great blessing it

[8:58]has benefits in terms of our mental our emotional health but even

[9:03]more than that perhaps the greatest value that is found in a

[9:09]righteous child is the fact that they continue to benefit us even

[9:14]after we die the famous narration from the prophet sallallahu alaihi he

[9:27]says when the person dies all of their actions cease everything stops

[9:41]the book of your Arman is closed finished except for three things

[9:45]there are three things that a person can leave behind that act

[9:51]as a sort of residual fawab for them a continuous source of

[10:00]reward rasulullah says number one is a charitable endowment you know there

[10:07]may there might be people in this community that contributed to the

[10:11]building of this Masjid they gave time they gave resources they gave

[10:18]money every time this Masjid is used what we need to come

[10:22]together that fawab is sent to them they enjoy this is the

[10:26]ultimate investment is there any investment better than this the one who

[10:31]donated this member every medulus that is held that person will continually

[10:36]receive thou up for it even after they die you might establish

[10:42]a school and you pass away and that school is around for

[10:46]decades hundreds of years and you are just collecting the co-op you

[10:56]give a lecture you write a book you leave a legacy of

[11:02]knowledge you know when I think about people like the 20 years

[11:06]that he spent compiling the ahadith in every time you and I

[11:13]read a Hadith from al-khafi Allah raises the rank of Sheikh al-kulini

[11:17]imagine that over a thousand years later keeps on going higher and

[11:22]higher and higher the third is what the third thing that continues

[11:34]to benefit you after your death is what a righteous child that

[11:38]makes Dua for you it's a great gift for this for there

[11:46]to be someone after your death who remembers you because the reality

[11:52]is no matter who you are when you die people will mourn

[11:57]you for one day two days maximum three days and then people

[12:01]get tired they move on with their lives after a few moments

[12:06]of crying They're laughing and they're enjoying it they move on that's

[12:10]the reality the only one who will remember you is that righteous

[12:15]child that you nurtured they'll recite for you and whatever that child

[12:23]becomes whatever good that that child does in their lives Allah will

[12:27]make you a partner in the thawat because you raised that child

[12:32]you didn't just give birth you weren't just a biological father you

[12:38]were a spiritual father you were a guide you were a teacher

[12:42]you were a mentor and this is why you find in the

[12:48]Quran even the prophets now you would think even and Beyond should

[12:51]be okay they should not have anything to worry about you see

[12:54]even someone like Ibrahim who's masum has not committed a single sin

[12:59]he understood the value of having a righteous child because Ibrahim is

[13:06]not satisfied with just any level of Iman he wants to keep

[13:12]on going higher and higher and ascending so what does he says

[13:16]oh Allah grant me a righteous child Ibrahim is making this Dua

[13:22]and even as an as an elderly man he doesn't give up

[13:27]on this Dua Zakaria makes this Dua have to ask Allah for

[13:33]this you don't only ask Allah Allah give me more money give

[13:35]me a better job ask Allah for a righteous child a God-fearing

[13:39]daughter a God-fearing son this is what's going to benefit you now

[13:45]now the question is okay we understand the value of we know

[13:50]the value of having a God-fearing child but the question is how

[13:56]do you raise a God-fearing child especially in this day and age

[14:03]how do you raise a child who is now I have to

[14:08]begin with the bad news right you know how they say you

[14:12]want the good news first or the bad we'll give you the

[14:15]bad news first the bad news is unfortunately we don't have a

[14:22]Hadith that is going to tell you with details meticulously what to

[14:27]do exactly to have a righteous child meaning that if you look

[14:30]at our Hadith you're not going to find the Hadith where the

[14:34]Imam says step one do this if that doesn't work do this

[14:39]if this doesn't work do that step two step three it's not

[14:42]like Salah where you have a Hadith it's a detailed step-by-step guide

[14:47]first parenting is not a foolproof science this is what we have

[15:02]to understand it's not a foolproof science we don't have any manual

[15:05]that says if you follow this you'll have a righteous child if

[15:10]you do step one two and three you'll have a child it's

[15:15]not mathematics where one plus one equals two it's not like cooking

[15:19]where if you put these ingredients together you'll have sale and the

[15:26]reason why we know this is that if parenting was a foolproof

[15:31]science no profit should have had any corrupt children so you see

[15:39]even Prophets you can do everything right and the outcome is unfavorable

[15:44]and we don't have to wait very long in the history of

[15:49]humanity you look at the first family the family of Adam Adam

[15:55]a prophet of God obviously he's a good father excellent mother they

[16:05]have what they have and Habib is righteous abil is not righteous

[16:13]he's evil he's corrupt same parents same terbia different outcome what does

[16:23]that mean that there's no guarantee you know sometimes parents come to

[16:29]me Sheikh I don't know what I did wrong I say neither

[16:31]did Adam and Eve I did everything we taught our children we

[16:37]guided them I'm like have you ever heard of a prophet named

[16:41]yahub and he also had 11 sons who tried to kill Yusuf

[16:48]you think you have family problems even even Prophets had problems in

[16:55]their families even MBA they did not have utopic families so the

[17:00]bad news is there's no foolproof system the good news is is

[17:07]that Allah does not hold you accountable for the outcome if you

[17:11]do your best Allah is not going to punish you for the

[17:19]result but he'll hold you accountable if you did not raise them

[17:23]if you did not guide them if you don't did not teach

[17:27]them Allah is not going to hold new on the day of

[17:28]judgment nor why did your son deviate you know Jose I did

[17:33]my best at the end of the day this child has to

[17:36]make their own decisions they have free will they're not robots when

[17:41]you look at the Hadith you see that they give us General

[17:49]instructions General guidelines General tips why are they General because every child

[17:59]is different and parents can attest to this especially those who have

[18:03]more than one child you had your first son your first child

[18:07]you're like okay this is easy I got this we did a

[18:11]b and c alhamdulillah and then the second one comes and you

[18:16]said oh a b and c doesn't work with the second they're

[18:18]different totally different and then you get the third you're like Okay

[18:23]the third one is either going to be like the first or

[18:26]the second and the third one is a wild card totally different

[18:31]so this means what that parenting is an art parenting is something

[18:37]we have to just admit that it's something that you learn as

[18:41]you go we have some general guidelines but it's something that is

[18:48]necessarily going to require some trial and error you're going to make

[18:53]mistakes we're not infallible some things are not going to work some

[18:56]things are going to work you have to be able to adapt

[18:58]this is number one this is just the introduction now in terms

[19:05]of practical tips I want to share 10 General tips that we

[19:13]can apply and inshallah with Allah's help we have this hope that

[19:18]if we apply these things we have a better chance of raising

[19:21]children who grow up to be righteous people and this applies to

[19:27]children in general but specifically teens and tweens now for those of

[19:33]you who don't want don't know what a tween is so teenager

[19:36]13 to 19.

[19:36]now of course I don't mean that this doesn't apply when they

[19:41]hit 20.

[19:40]teenagers in general young adults and then the tweens are they're the

[19:46]ones who are not children but they're not adults they're not young

[19:49]they're eight to twelve so some of what I'm going to share

[19:54]is going to apply to children in general some of the tips

[19:56]that I'm going to share is going to apply more with those

[19:59]who are a little bit older and inshallah I'll mention uh what's

[20:04]applicable to what as we go number one instill the love of

[20:10]Allah in your child at a young age instill the love of

[20:18]God in the heart of your child at a young age you

[20:20]know there are some parents the way they teach religion they don't

[20:24]teach their child to love God they teach their child without realizing

[20:29]it to hate Allah you know one time I heard of a

[20:37]father who was trying to motivate his daughter to wear hijab a

[20:41]young girl do you know what he said to her he said

[20:44]if you don't wear the hijab in jahannam they'll hang you by

[20:51]your hair this happens we laugh we think this is Extreme this

[20:56]happens every day where we use these fear tactics now of course

[21:00]I'm not saying a person should not fear God and not take

[21:04]their life seriously and or feel immune from God's punishment but at

[21:08]the same time this is not how you introduce Allah to a

[21:15]child instill the love in their hearts and do it from a

[21:17]young age you don't need to be an expert in to do

[21:22]this very simple for example your five-year-old is eating ice cream and

[21:26]they're enjoying the ice cream and you know five-year-olds when they eat

[21:29]ice cream it's all over their face and they're really they're really

[21:33]having a good time what you do as a parent you take

[21:38]a moment and you say are you enjoying this and they say

[21:40]yes it's very good they say you know why you know why

[21:44]you can taste it is because Allah created these little circles on

[21:48]your tongue called taste buds put those there for you so you

[21:55]can enjoy the ice cream what did you do there from a

[22:01]young age the child understands that the things that I enjoy are

[22:04]from him that's what you have to do in fact Allah he

[22:11]says the great prophet of God love me fall in love with

[22:23]me and make me beloved to my servants he says o my

[22:31]Lord yes I love you but how can I make people love

[22:36]you I don't have control over people's hearts how can I make

[22:40]them love you Allah what does he say s it's very easy

[22:48]to make people fall in love with God you don't have to

[22:52]do a lot of persuading just remind them of what I have

[22:55]given them remind them of my blessings you don't need to be

[23:07]God's lawyer all you have to do is draw their attention to

[23:10]what is in front of them make them realize what Allah has

[23:14]given them the love of God instilling that in the child number

[23:22]two lead by example lead by example sometimes as parents we spend

[23:29]too much time lecturing and verbally admonishing you want your son to

[23:37]pray they have to see you pray Sheikh my kids don't respect

[23:43]me do you respect your parents did they see you call your

[23:50]parents did they see you kiss the hand of your mother and

[23:52]your father where are they supposed to learn respect for parents they

[23:56]have to learn from you oh Sheikh my parents passed away do

[23:59]you recite Quran for your parents do you take your kids to

[24:04]the cemetery to visit their grandparents they have to see you respect

[24:07]your parents for them to respect you my kids don't listen to

[24:14]me do you listen to them maybe they learned how to be

[24:19]dismissive from you they talk you don't listen to them they have

[24:22]issues you ignore them and you want them to be attentive they

[24:28]learn from you if you don't want them to lie you you

[24:30]can't lie you want them to pray on time the time of

[24:36]Salah everything stops at the house Salat time you want them to

[24:42]be respectful and decent in interactions with the opposite gender you have

[24:47]to lead by example you have to lead by example foreign why

[25:02]do you say what you don't do Allah detests the one who

[25:09]does not practice what they preach if you lead by example you

[25:13]don't need to lecture them believe me if you pray in front

[25:17]of your kids you're not going to have to remind them to

[25:20]pray they see it you don't need to tell your kids that

[25:23]they have to respect you because they see how you act with

[25:27]your parents if you want them to love each other and to

[25:32]be kind to each other how are you with your siblings if

[25:37]you never stay in touch with your sister and your brother and

[25:42]you're living in your own world how do you expect them to

[25:44]show kindness and concern for their siblings they learn from you you

[25:48]have to lead by example and then we have number three beware

[25:59]of Parental favoritism and this happens in a lot of cultures and

[26:06]sometimes it's very subtle we don't even realize we're doing good you

[26:10]might for example have one child whenever they tell a joke you

[26:18]laugh and when another child tells a joke something as subtle as

[26:22]that it hurts the child they feel like they're not the favorites

[26:26]you might have a child that excels at school and some parents

[26:32]do that your brother got an A plus and you got a

[26:36]C your sister is doing great in school and you're failing don't

[26:39]do that because you think that's motivating them but all that is

[26:43]doing is sowing the seeds of envy if you look at the

[26:48]story of Yusuf alaihissalam what is the first thing that Yahoo says

[26:52]to Yusuf after he shares his mystical dream foreign don't share this

[27:01]dream with your brothers because it's going to make them jealous it's

[27:07]going to make them jealous don't play favorites there are some of

[27:13]us we allow some of our children to get away with murder

[27:15]especially the boys that's true the boy can date this person and

[27:23]that person he could come in two o'clock in the morning and

[27:25]no one says anything to him he's free he can travel around

[27:30]the world with his friends now I'm not saying this is the

[27:32]your daughter needs to do that I'm saying that your daughter sees

[27:38]that preferential treatment you have to be fair if it's Haram it's

[27:41]Haram for your son and it's Haram for your daughter especially and

[27:46]there are many account that apply to both of them if it's

[27:50]Haram to date for your son and for your daughter not just

[27:58]for your daughter but for our sons we say no it's okay

[28:01]let them enjoy he's still young you have to hold your kids

[28:09]accountable don't let some of them get away with sins while the

[28:12]others you hold them to you hold their feet to the fire

[28:16]so paying attention this to this preference this parental favoritism in fact

[28:22]we have a narration from the prophet sallallahu alaihi the narration is

[28:33]from where he says he's reporting an incident that took place in

[28:37]the lifetime of the prophet rasulullah the prophet saw a man who

[28:50]had two kids the prophet saw a father a parent kissing and

[29:01]showing affection to one child and ignoring the other now even something

[29:08]like this the prophet didn't ignore it he said come he says

[29:13]to the man why are you not fair in the way that

[29:21]you treat your kids the Prophet rebuked this man he didn't rebuke

[29:27]him because he was Abu hitting his other kid he was just

[29:33]neglecting him showing more affection to one than the other number four

[29:39]and this is especially important when your kids start to get a

[29:44]little bit older give your kids room to breathe what do I

[29:52]mean by this there are some parents their parenting style is the

[30:00]same when the kid's a toddler same parenting Style when it's a

[30:04]tween same parenting style when they're teenager same parent their approach to

[30:09]their children is the same and that's why you see some parents

[30:14]they treat their teenagers like they're toddlers even in the way they

[30:17]punish them even in the way that they speak to them give

[30:20]them a little bit of room don't micromanage them don't micromanage them

[30:28]they're your child they're not your slave there are some parents that

[30:32]do not give any autonomy to their kids even their room even

[30:39]their room has to be decorated exactly the way that the mother

[30:43]wants the kid might want to paint a wall nope you can't

[30:47]do that the kid wants to change his duvet his bed covered

[30:50]oh you can't do that the kid wants to put the chair

[30:55]on the side of the room no no you can't do that

[30:56]if you suffocate your kids if you treat them like robots with

[31:04]no autonomy you're going to lose your kids the moment that they

[31:07]get a car they're not going to come back because they feel

[31:09]like they've been living in a prison so you have to give

[31:12]them a little bit of freedom you can't treat them like slaves

[31:19]like they just don't know better give them a little bit of

[31:22]autonomy I'm not saying give them complete Freedom it needs to be

[31:26]gradual allow them to make some choices we have a Hadith from

[31:31]rasulullah [Music] you know we speak a lot about kindness to parents

[31:43]and yes there's no doubt that we have to be respectful and

[31:48]dutiful to our parents but there are some parents through their own

[31:55]parenting style they cause their children to Rebel meaning they created the

[32:01]monster without realizing it rasulullah says may Allah have mercy upon that

[32:17]parent who AIDS his child in being good to him you have

[32:19]a role to play in how your kids treat you so the

[32:26]narrator asks how does a parent help the child to be good

[32:32]to him to be good to the parents the prophet says what

[32:37]Surah that you accept and you celebrate their little successes this is

[32:47]so important Allah there are some parents it's only grades that's it

[32:53]you have to get a plus if you get a B plus

[32:57]you sleep in the garage you lose all of your privileges the

[33:03]prophet says if you want to Aid your child in them being

[33:09]good to you acknowledge their successes even the small successes the small

[33:15]things that they do it doesn't mean that some parents act as

[33:20]though the kid has to do something incredible just to get some

[33:25]recognition maybe they were struggling with a homework assignment and they just

[33:30]finished it forget about what they got on the grid they just

[33:32]finished it and it was a big deal to them acknowledge that

[33:36]small success maybe you have a daughter who has been struggling with

[33:46]hijab and her hijab is not perfect but she's trying maybe she

[33:51]stopped wearing makeup she's not fully covered but she's trying the prophecies

[33:56]acknowledge that success that's a success that's progress you might have a

[34:02]son who doesn't pray and he's he started to do Salah for

[34:07]example is too hard right so maybe foreign there are some parents

[34:18]they say no no they don't see they see you didn't pray

[34:26]Lord now I'm not saying don't pray I'm not saying it's not

[34:30]important to pray what I'm saying is acknowledge the little progress it's

[34:33]better to have a son who praises than to have a son

[34:36]who doesn't pray anything acknowledge encourage him we need that encouragement you

[34:43]know brothers and sisters I remember when I was 10 years old

[34:50]my grandfather who was like a second father to me when I

[34:55]was 10 years old I started I was starting to become interested

[35:01]in religion I was starting to read Hadi Quran and one day

[35:07]and my grandfather started to notice that instead of just spending time

[35:11]playing video games and you know playing basketball for hours and hanging

[35:16]out with my friends he saw that there's a little bit of

[35:22]Interest here in Quran and Hadith and I'll never forget the day

[35:24]I was 10 years old and I was sitting and I remember

[35:29]I was sitting on the dining room table and I was eating

[35:37]cereal and I had a copy of natural balach was new to

[35:40]me you know though for those of you who are born in

[35:44]the 80s maybe early 90s you remember that you know we didn't

[35:45]have iPad or any we used to read the back of the

[35:48]cereal box we used to put it and as we're eating we're

[35:52]just reading the back of the cereal box so on this morning

[35:54]I decided to just read sermon number one of Imam where he

[36:00]speaks about God so I was reading and my grandfather he came

[36:09]into the room and he saw me reading and do you know

[36:13]what he said to me he could have said that oh this

[36:16]book is too advanced why are you reading it reads something more

[36:20]simple he said to me Azhar one day you're going to become

[36:25]a scholar no I'm not claiming to be a scholar that's not

[36:27]the point of the story the point of the story is I'll

[36:31]be happy if Allah accepts me the point is that word of

[36:38]encouragement ignite it's something inside of me that continues to burn until

[36:47]today that comment motivated me many years later to go to housing

[36:54]we don't realize how important these words of encouragement are maybe one

[37:01]word of encouragement is going to change the trajectory of a child's

[37:05]life you have a daughter who's a very good writer acknowledge her

[37:11]skill tell her that when you grow up if you study hard

[37:17]you're going to be a phenomenal writer you're going to change people's

[37:22]lives motivate them you see a young boy reciting if you work

[37:27]hard young man if you work hard you will be the next

[37:33]boss for example you give them these words of encouragement it means

[37:37]a lot brothers and sisters when say this sistani's son used to

[37:43]attend his class he was young he said to him said about

[37:49]him and this is you know mentioned by some of the senior

[37:52]scholars in the hausa who are classmates they say say that about

[37:59]one of the sons of say the sistani that this one one

[38:04]day will become one of the great of the Shia you think

[38:09]that doesn't have an effect it's a huge impact so the Hadith

[38:14]going back to the Hadith if you want to Aid your child

[38:19]in them being good to you acknowledge celebrate their small successes Overlook

[38:28]their their failures they're not perfect breaking news your kid's not an

[38:35]angel your kid's not infallible because you also weren't infallible sometimes we

[38:40]forget how we were when we were young you get so frustrated

[38:44]my son doesn't come to the Masjid my son doesn't do this

[38:47]he doesn't do that how were you when you were his age

[38:50]you know in the 70s and the 80s and by the way

[38:54]70s and 80s there was no social media it's a lot more

[38:58]difficult these days you have to at least have the humility to

[39:01]acknowledge that it's hard it's difficult it's difficult to be an adult

[39:05]in these days in this era let alone a child who's trying

[39:11]to navigate a world that's changing so rapidly so the prophet says

[39:20]don't overburden your kids there are some parents they overburden their kids

[39:26]the kid has to go to school then when he comes back

[39:29]home from school he has to go shopping and then he has

[39:32]to come and he has to clean his room and he has

[39:33]to do this and drop this and pick up this and do

[39:36]that the kid becomes exhausted tired you rob the kid of his

[39:39]childhood you gave him so many duties that you didn't even allow

[39:44]the the boy to be a boy give them room to enjoy

[39:49]their childhood believe me they're going to have a lot of problems

[39:51]when they grow up the world is very complicated at least give

[39:55]them seven years of peace give them seven years that's why the

[39:58]prophet says any let kids play let kids enjoy for seven years

[40:06]there are some parents the kid is three we've got to teach

[40:10]them mathematics Baba just leave the kid alone shooting mathematics leave it

[40:16]seven and Beyond allow them to play and enjoy because if people

[40:19]don't play and get it out of their system they play later

[40:25]they play later and they become very abnormal they don't get it

[40:30]out of their system they become immature adults let them get it

[40:34]out of their system and a parent who AIDS their child so

[40:44]that they do good to them is a parent that does not

[40:47]insult the intelligence of their child don't call your child a fool

[40:52]if your child messes up don't say you're stupid you're not smart

[40:57]you're dumb you're foolish just like words of encouragement are downloaded into

[41:05]their conscience hurtful words they get buried very deep in there they

[41:12]don't leave it's a deep wound that you leave so if your

[41:16]kids are misbehaving sometimes you have to ask did I contribute to

[41:21]the problem number five stop constantly reprimanding your kids you have to

[41:33]think how much of my communication with my child is just yelling

[41:36]and putting them down you didn't do this you didn't do that

[41:40]you failed here you messed up there if that's the only type

[41:48]of communication that takes place you're not going to have a relationship

[41:51]with your kids they're going to run away maybe they're going to

[41:55]hide things from you they're going to escape because the home is

[41:59]no longer a peaceful place for them they're going to escape to

[42:01]the clubs they're going to go to the bars they're going to

[42:05]seek Refuge with boyfriends and girlfriends because of the home you turned

[42:09]it into hell for them so what do you do if there's

[42:17]tension you have to be wise speak about issues that are not

[42:23]sensitive speak about things that are not going to result in a

[42:26]confrontation speak about the weather speak about Hobbies speak about neutral subjects

[42:32]as an invitation for a healthy conversation find out what your kid

[42:39]likes to talk about what they enjoy do a little bit of

[42:40]research and ask them questions get to know your kids get to

[42:49]know your kids some of us we know our friends better than

[42:54]we know our kids we know more about celebrities than we know

[42:58]about the kids that are living in our homes because we don't

[43:02]talk to them we don't know how to talk to them it

[43:05]requires some effort you'll figure it out we figure everything else out

[43:09]so it doesn't always need to be fighting and shouting build that

[43:14]trust build that relationship number six ask for their opinion ask for

[43:22]their opinion it doesn't mean that you have to follow their opinion

[43:24]but at least allow them to express their opinion you know look

[43:29]at what Ibrahim does in the Quran he sees a dream that

[43:33]he's slaughtering his son by the way if you see a dream

[43:37]where you're slaughtering your son don't Slaughter your son this is for

[43:42]Ibrahim it's not for you don't take your dreams too seriously he

[43:47]sees this vision the vision is revelation it's a command from Allah

[43:52]and yet what does Ibrahim do does he just impose it on

[43:57]his son oh my dear son I had a vision that I

[44:07]was slaughtering you Tara what's your opinion what do you think have

[44:15]we asked our kids our daughters our sons what do you think

[44:19]what's your opinion even if you want to punish them let's say

[44:23]that they really angered you your son was supposed to be home

[44:27]at 9 00 pm he comes back at 1am now you have

[44:31]an option you can sit on the chair wait for him to

[44:33]open the door and you grab the nearest object and you throw

[44:37]it at him you that's one way that's the old school way

[44:39]or you can try something different you can sit them down 16

[44:45]17 they're not toddlers right you can't just you know ground them

[44:49]and say sit them down and ask them I told you to

[44:51]be home at nine you came at home at 1am so here's

[44:57]a violation what would you do if you were me pretend you're

[45:01]the parent now pretend that you're sitting in the chair and your

[45:05]son came home four hours late how would you punish me so

[45:12]let them have a conversation let them tell you what is an

[45:16]appropriate and then you start a little bit of a negotiation you

[45:19]know maybe I should you know take away my iPad no I'm

[45:23]gonna take away your car but good try the point is you

[45:27]have a conversation you talk to them what's your opinion that makes

[45:31]them feel that you see them as an independent human being that

[45:38]they have a sense of self-worth number seven are you guys keeping

[45:42]track this guy's writing alhamdulillah number seven encourage them to be part

[45:48]of the wider community this is very important brothers and sisters you

[45:53]know the saying it takes a village to raise a child it's

[45:59]very true some of us we think that it's only the role

[46:03]of the mother and the father to raise the children you can't

[46:06]do it by yourself you need an entire ecosystem of individuals who

[46:11]are going to contribute to the upbringing of your child bring them

[46:15]to the Masjid I know they're gonna they don't want to come

[46:18]you have to be incentivize them incentivize them to come reward them

[46:23]if they come because we live in a time in an era

[46:26]where everyone lives in a bubble we are raising a generation of

[46:31]little frowns everyone thinks that they're the center of the universe that

[46:37]everything revolves around them narcissistic tendencies when they go to the community

[46:44]when they come to Salah when they come to community functions they

[46:48]re it teaches them how to interact with people how to build

[46:55]relationships it makes them realize that wow the world is actually a

[46:58]big place I'm not the center of the world I'm not the

[47:00]center of the universe introducing them into community life allows them to

[47:10]mature it allows them to realize that there's more to life there's

[47:14]a lot for me there's a lot for me to learn I'm

[47:18]part of something bigger than myself it's important for us and obviously

[47:24]there's going to be some resistance in the beginning but we have

[47:28]to encourage them to be part of the community number eight find

[47:32]a mentor for your child you know sometimes kids don't listen to

[47:37]their parents they're not going to listen to you but if they

[47:43]hear that same message from someone else they're listen you have a

[47:47]daughter a son for example they want to become a physician find

[47:49]someone in the Muslim Community who is pious who's an honorable person

[47:56]who's a physician who can act as a mentor for them that

[48:00]they can shadow and they can play a role in the terbia

[48:03]of the child and this is what teach us you know brothers

[48:08]and sisters I am [Music] he hired a Quran teacher for his

[48:19]children he's the master of the Quran the teacher of the Quran

[48:29]he hires someone to teach Quran to his children why to establish

[48:35]this precedent to set this example that sometimes your kids need role

[48:41]models who are not the parents they need mentors they need guides

[48:46]and I've seen this on many occasions that the child is not

[48:51]receptive to the advice from their parents because kids think that their

[48:54]parents don't know anything oh you're old-fashioned times have changed you don't

[48:57]know what you're talking about the same advice they hear it from

[49:01]a 25 year old yeah 100 that's what I thought too right

[49:06]number nine make an effort to enjoy recreational activities with your kids

[49:17]try to make your life a little bit fun just a little

[49:21]bit it doesn't need to be all boring and dry and lifeless

[49:24]tell yourself that you know my child when they come my son

[49:28]when he comes to the Masjid I can tell that I'm taking

[49:30]him out of his comfort zone he came to a place that

[49:37]was out of his comfort zone to reciprocate you as the father

[49:43]say you know what I'm also going to take myself out of

[49:45]my comfort zone I'm gonna go and play football with you and

[49:49]it's going to be definitely out of your comfort zone if you're

[49:53]not good at football but it's worth the sacrifice play tennis go

[49:57]hiking do things with your kids because the bonding that happens you

[50:03]know on a hiking trip during a tennis match in a soccer

[50:10]game it cannot be replicated anywhere else they need to see that

[50:13]you have a passion for life because that will strengthen the relationship

[50:19]between you and your child and then finally the last piece of

[50:27]advice eat together and pray together at least one time a day

[50:35]we have five prayers I'm not saying that you have to pray

[50:38]Jamaica all all of the prayers at least one if you cannot

[50:43]pray Jamal we have different schedules we barely cross paths at least

[50:48]if you can't pray together at least as a family for five

[50:52]minutes a day open up and as a family recite a Dua

[51:01]together I guarantee you if you do this you will see wonders

[51:04]in your life few minutes where the family comes together and turns

[51:09]to Allah we have Dua 25 and this is a recommendation I

[51:18]have for parents go to Imam sajjad IA [Music] 25 in size

[51:32]for his children you were never meant to raise your kids on

[51:41]your own you thought that raising children is just me and my

[51:46]wife mother and father he says no you need Allah Allah is

[51:56]with you you have to invite Allah to be a part of

[51:59]the process so read this Dua tonight if you can and then

[52:04]eating together I know at work school we have busy lives but

[52:10]at least one meal together come and sit and put the cell

[52:15]phones to the sides right maybe have a little Bowl right gather

[52:18]all the cell phones put it in the bowl and then take

[52:22]the bowl and put it in the sink and then turn on

[52:26]the water and then flood it the point is have at least

[52:32]one meal together so you can talk to each other so you

[52:36]can ask each other how was your day what did you do

[52:39]today what did you learn today did you face any difficulty today

[52:42]we need to have time where we come together as a family

[52:46]and sit and eat have a meal together the prophet he says

[52:51]there are four qualities he says a meal that has four characteristics

[53:07]is considered a perfect meal the prophet says what number one if

[53:14]the food is halal that's one number two a meal that has

[53:21]a lot of hands stretched over it don't eat by yourself there's

[53:27]more Baraka if you share your meal if there are multiple hands

[53:35]the mother the Father the Son the siblings in the beginning and

[53:43]alhamdulillah when you finish this is a meal that is and if

[53:45]you can't come together for a meal at least at the end

[53:48]of the night have tea together have some fruits together talk Converse

[53:54]if you do this again it's not a guarantee but at least

[54:01]if you make this effort you can stand before Allah and say

[54:06]I did my best I did my best I fulfilled my duty

[54:11]and you can judge my children because ultimately they have free will

[54:16]but I fulfilled my duty on a night like this we remember

[54:26]one of the bright stars of the ayurved someone who was raised

[54:32]by Imam and Hussain he was the son of Imam he was

[54:45]the son of Imam al-hasan Allah he was only three years old

[54:54]when his father was poisoned three years old became an orphan at

[55:02]the age of three he entered into the custody of Imam and

[55:06]Hussain he joined the family of Imam and Hussein he was about

[55:14]13 years old on the day of Ashura just beginning his teenage

[55:20]years a young boy Imam and Hussein look at how he treats

[55:29]this boy on the eve of Ashura Imam and Hussein alaihi salaam

[55:36]was having some very private intimate conversations with some of his companions

[55:42]with some members of his one of the conversations that Imam and

[55:47]Hussain had was with his nephew he called his nephew he called

[55:57]them this beautiful child 13 year old boy who when you look

[56:03]at him you remember Imam Hassan he comes to his uncle I

[56:11]want to talk to you I want to have a conversation with

[56:18]you he comes and he sits besides his uncle Imam Hussain it's

[56:22]a dark night it's the eve of the battle um Tomorrow there's

[56:32]going to be a battle there's going to be a military confrontation

[56:38]and none of us will be spared we're all going to be

[56:48]killed what lies ahead what is waiting for us tomorrow is death

[56:53]I have a question for you he says what a deep conversation

[57:08]what a question he says what is your opinion about death imagine

[57:12]asking that question to a 13 year old what is more amazing

[57:19]than the question is the answer he looks with loving eyes that

[57:30]his uncle Imam and Hussain he says he says oh my uncle

[57:41]Hussain death with you fighting with you alongside You Is Sweeter to

[57:48]me than honey this is the tarubia of Imam Al Hussain this

[57:52]is the tarbia of on the day of Ashura after all of

[58:02]the asab were martyred after the adult males of were martyred after

[58:09]Abbas was martyred there were no men left Imam and Hussein was

[58:18]now standing by himself Habib is gone is gone Akbar Imam and

[58:29]Hussein is now standing by himself in front of an army of

[58:34]thirty thousand and the narrations say that he stood there and he

[58:40]cried out Allah is there anyone out there to help me is

[58:56]there anyone to come to the defense of the women made that

[59:08]call that cry for help there were no men left the children

[59:17]came out of the tents and said Allah among the children that

[59:22]came out was he comes to his uncle Abba Abdullah he says

[59:36]oh my uncle Hussein everyone has gone Abbas is gone is gone

[59:45]your companions have been martyred I don't want to stay behind I

[59:50]want to go and fight give me permission to fight Imam and

[59:58]Hussein turned him down Imam was reluctant to give him permission he

[60:08]had anticipated that his uncle would not allow him to go to

[60:13]the battlefield so what does he do he goes to his tent

[60:18]he goes inside of his tent and he Retreats a letter he

[60:23]Retreats Allah that his father Imam had written he goes and he

[60:31]brings the letter to his uncle Hussein the boy imagine this 13

[60:37]year old boy standing in front of his uncle Imam Hussain and

[60:41]he hands him the letter and he says this is the letter

[60:48]this is the wasi of my father Imam Al Hussain he opens

[60:55]the letter can you imagine the heart of Imam Al Hussain when

[60:59]he saw the handwriting of his brother Imam al-assan he reads the

[61:04]letter what does the letter say the letter is addressing al-qasim Imam

[61:09]al-hasan in the letter what does he say he says [Music] o

[61:20]my beloved qasim o my son cause him if you see your

[61:30]uncle Hussein standing in a land called karbala is the letter says

[61:50]o my son Hassan if you see your uncle Hussein standing by

[61:53]himself in karbala do not fall short in helping him the narration

[62:04]say that Imam Hussain begins to cry when he reads the letter

[62:10]the narration say that he hugs Imam he hugs and imagine that

[62:17]moment imagine you were standing there and you were looking at Imam

[62:20]Al hersaid hugging embracing his nephew some narrations say that Imam was

[62:30]so emotional that he fainted as he was has to prepare al-qasim

[62:39]for battle but now there's a problem the helmets are too big

[62:46]for his head the armor is too big for his body so

[62:54]what does Imam and Hussein do he takes a turban and he

[63:01]cuts it in half and then he takes the half and he

[63:06]cuts it into another half and he wraps a small turban around

[63:09]the head of a gossip and then he takes the rest of

[63:15]the cloth and he wraps it around the chest of a costume

[63:18]as some armor but I say Abdullah this is all that qasim

[63:27]has look at what happened to Abbas and he had full armor

[63:30]look at what happened and he had full armor what's going to

[63:35]happen the narration say that he took his sword and he sprinted

[63:48]into the battlefield the enemies of ABBA Abdullah they were asking I

[63:52]thought we killed all of the sons of crusade who is this

[64:00]child as they were shouting who is this child he recited those

[64:05]famous lines of poetry Hassan [Music] if you don't know me know

[64:18]that I am the son of el muchtama [Music] [Music] he goes

[64:48]into the battlefield he fights courageously he fights valiantly as he is

[64:56]fighting against the enemies the narrations snapped as he was fighting in

[65:13]the battlefield one of the enemies of Allah approached the young boy

[65:18]as he was trying to repair his sandals he is they start

[65:32]to stab his body they start to strike him and he cries

[65:38]out as he's being stabbed he cries out oh my uncle Hussein

[65:47]he rushes into the battlefield Imam and Mercedes he comes to the

[65:53]mutilated body of El Casa is suffocating this is in his last

[66:00]moments Imam and her said he sits beside his nephew what does

[66:06]he say yes it pains your uncle that you call him and

[66:16]he cannot rescue you oh you ain't okay [Music] the narration say

[66:50]that Imam Hussain he takes the body of Al qasim back to

[66:54]the camp that body that was limp that body that was dripping

[67:02]blood that body that was mortally wounded that he takes the body

[67:07]and look at where Imam Hussain takes him he takes him and

[67:12]he puts him right beside the body of Ali unit he places

[67:18]him in the tent with Ali unit at this moment foreign wants

[67:33]to go inside of the tent Imam Al Hussain is trying to

[67:39]stop her but she goes into the tent and what is she

[67:41]seeing the tent she sees the body of Ali and she sees

[67:47]the body of qasim she sees the son of Hussein is killed

[67:51]and the son of Gossip is killed and she cries out foreign

[67:59][Music] okay

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