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Muharram 1447 AH: Night 6 by Shaykh Dr. Usama Al-Atar | Al-Akbar Foundation 2025
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9 المشاهدات·
25/07/03
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أظهر المزيد
Transcript
[0:20][Music] Alhamdulillah.
[0:28][Music] Muhamad Muhammad.
[0:54]Ali Muhammad [Music] [Music] Assalam allay.
[1:36]Oh Lord.
[1:42]Yeah.
[1:46][Music] assal [Music] Oh, [Music] [Music] for [Music] [Music] All [Music] sent.
[4:09]Prophet Ibraim.
[4:10]As we mentioned on the second night, again, those of you who
[4:16]may not have been with us that night, you can go back
[4:18]to the lecture on the eve of the second night, which summarizes
[4:23]the life of prophet Ibraim.
[4:27]He was an old man and Allah did not give him children.
[4:34]So his wife Sara she gave him her maid and told him
[4:42]to marry her and indeed he married her and Allah blessed him
[4:48]with his son Isma the first son Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala was
[4:55]grateful to S for what she did it's not easy for a
[5:00]wife to present her husband with another wife so that he can
[5:05]have a son.
[5:04]But she realized the greatness of Ibraimis.
[5:08]So Allah blessed her.
[5:12]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala then sent four angels including who came to
[5:21]visit Ibraim.
[5:23]Salam and give him the good news that your wife Sarah is
[5:27]also going to have a child.
[5:30]She's going to be the mother of Is and not only this
[5:35]is going to have a son as well.
[5:38]There will be progeny descendants prophethood coming from your lineage.
[5:45]So she initially was surprised.
[5:49]She said how can I give birth when I am such an
[5:51]old woman?
[5:52]She was at the time approximately 98 years old.
[5:56]So she was an old lady and my husband is also very
[6:04]old.
[6:03]So Allah subhanana wa ta'ala or the angels responded back.
[6:08]Are you surprised of the command of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala?
[6:20]If Allah wills something, it happens.
[6:25]Tell us.
[6:27]So indeed she became pregnant with is and Allah blessed her.
[6:33]This is an example of a husband and a wife who understood
[6:43]each other, who respected one another, who developed an appreciation for one
[6:46]another.
[6:49]On the contrary, Allah gives us another example in the Quran.
[6:55]Those same angels who came to give the good news to Ibraimisam
[7:00]about having a son is they told him we are going to
[7:08]go to L prophet Lisam and we are going to destroy him
[7:13]not him sorry we're going to destroy his city his city and
[7:18]his wife is going to go with them as well the only
[7:26]people that will be saved will be Lisam and his children.
[7:28]Even his wife is going to be punished and the community of
[7:35]Prophet Lisam were engaged in homosexuality.
[7:40]So Allah subhana wa ta'ala said we're going to punish them for
[7:47]this.
[7:45]His wife also perished.
[7:48]So Allah gave us this example.
[7:49]If you remember brothers and sisters on the first night I said
[7:52]subhan Allah if we take a look at the Quran when it
[7:55]says we have given in the Quran of every example the Quran
[7:59]indeed when you look at it really examine it carefully it's really
[8:03]addresses the human nature and because the human nature has not changed
[8:08]people's personalities don't change in every society in every community in every
[8:14]era you'll have people who are good you'll have people who are
[8:16]bad you'll have people who are generous you'll have people who are
[8:19]stingy and so on so forth and the Quran addresses these different
[8:22]personalities and different characteristics.
[8:26]Therefore, tonight inshallah my dear brothers and sisters we would like to
[8:31]shed some light about the etiquette of marriage.
[8:41]One of the problems we're facing in this day and age brothers
[8:44]and sisters is people are getting married.
[8:46]Alhamdulillah.
[8:46]So that's a good thing.
[8:47]But then there is problems arising in the marriage.
[8:52]So it's important for us to have education.
[8:56]That's why actually many years ago I said this and I repeat
[9:01]this again here in London.
[9:02]I think you guys have the ability to establish marriage institutions marriage
[9:08]institutions.
[9:09]And by what I mean by marriage institutes is an institute that
[9:14]consists of a religious scholar or several religious scholars includes psychologists from
[9:26]the Shiri school of thought who can work on resolving problems provide
[9:34]therapy and counseling to people but from the shi perspective It's very
[9:39]important to have the same culture because if it's not someone from
[9:47]the sh perspective, it can create problems.
[9:48]Okay?
[9:49]They don't understand the the history, the culture.
[9:53]Imagine imagine for example, a husband and wife go to a counselor
[9:58]who does not understand muharam.
[9:59]And so the counselor asks the husband or the wife, "What's the
[10:06]matter?" She says, "My husband stays up late at night." So the
[10:08]the counselor says to the man like, "Why do you stay up
[10:12]late at night?
[10:11]It's like beating myself." Like what?
[10:13]You beat yourself?
[10:15]She saying, "This guy's crazy." You know why?
[10:17]How could you be married to a man who beats himself?
[10:20]He has no idea.
[10:22]What does that mean?
[10:22]In what context is is she talking about.
[10:25]Okay.
[10:25]So or I spend the time crying.
[10:29]Well, this guy is in depression.
[10:32]No.
[10:32]So maybe he needs therapy.
[10:34]Doesn't realize that he's crying for Imam Hussein.
[10:38]has no idea of the cultural background of the religious background whereas
[10:42]you go to a for example therapist completely understands what's going on
[10:46]so he can provide you with the right approach so it's important
[10:50]to inshallah establish such institutes a marriage institute which consists of scholars
[10:57]because not every scholar is also a psychologist I mean scholars try
[11:01]their best may Allah bless them the try their best may Allah
[11:04]bless and they try to give you the religious advice but some
[11:09]of them may not for example have a degree in psychology.
[11:11]They don't know how to really counsel and give a therapy.
[11:17]So it's good to have therapists, psychologists, uh even psychiatrists if necessary,
[11:24]religious scholars but all from the Shir school of thought.
[11:28]So this is something that inshallah you guys work towards establishing and
[11:31]this would hopefully inshallah reduce the problems that we are observing in
[11:36]marriage this day and age.
[11:37]Tonight if Allah gives us we will discuss few points about the
[11:45]etiquette of marriage so that inshallah inshallah people enhance their marital marital
[11:51]life and if there are some problems God forbid hopefully people will
[11:56]reflect upon these values and hopefully they will implement them in their
[12:00]lives.
[12:01]So inshallah there will be baraka in baraka in their lives inshallah.
[12:12]So the approach we will take is summarize in the acronym set
[12:22]goals.
[12:20]Set what?
[12:24]Goals.
[12:24]In a married life, the S stands for social media.
[12:29]One of the problems we have in marriage today is social media.
[12:34]Now you guys heard my thing about social media yesterday I think.
[12:39]What was the thing I gave?
[12:41]What was the acronym I gave to resolve social media?
[12:45]The the solution.
[12:45]What was it?
[12:47]Who remembers?
[12:46]Mahi.
[12:47]Mashallah.
[12:48]You guys are good.
[12:49]Well, what does Mahi stand for?
[12:52]Ah, now I got you.
[12:55]What does the M stand for?
[12:55]Mindful.
[12:56]Well, that's good.
[12:58]You got to be mindful.
[12:59]You got to determine that I'm not going to do this anymore.
[13:05]M.
[13:02]What?
[13:03]What does the A stand for?
[13:07]What?
[13:11]Arabic and mash.
[13:13]You guys are good.
[13:15]Hey, this is I'm impressed.
[13:16]M these guys are good.
[13:17]Hey, you know, I heard a lot about UK people.
[13:20]I was like, you know, UK, I don't know, but now you
[13:23]guys are impressive.
[13:23]That's good.
[13:24]That's good.
[13:24]All right.
[13:25]And what does what does the M stand for?
[13:29]Now I got you.
[13:31]or or sorry me.
[13:33]The h what does the H stand for?
[13:36]Sorry.
[13:34]Hobbies.
[13:35]Hobbies.
[13:36]That's right.
[13:38]Right.
[13:40]M A H D.
[13:39]What does the D stand for?
[13:44]Dua.
[13:41]That's right.
[13:43]Connecting to Imar.
[13:45]Connecting to And what does the I stand for?
[13:51]Investing time.
[13:50]Mashallah.
[13:51]You guys are good.
[13:54]M.
[13:55]I think you all deserve a very loved.
[13:58]That's awesome.
[13:59]You know one day they told Mlan, you know, it's okay.
[14:04]I think we'll just step away a little from the lecture and
[14:06]I'll come back to it.
[14:08]Okay.
[14:07]You know this guy, this like character who was like a very
[14:11]jolly character, a funny character.
[14:12]In Arabic they call him Ja and Farsy they call him you
[14:17]know whether this is true or not.
[14:18]Anyways they say he came one day to a city and people
[14:22]were like oh is here can you give us a lecture please?
[14:27]We really are we want to hear from you.
[14:28]and he comes up and says, "No problem." He gets on the
[14:30]pulpit.
[14:30]He's like, "Guys, do you know what I'm going to what I'm
[14:33]going to be talking about tonight?" They're like, "No, I have no
[14:35]idea." He's like, "So, what's the point of me talking to you
[14:37]guys if you have no clue what I'm going to be talking
[14:39]to you?" He gets down from the pulpit.
[14:41]So, they're like, "Oh my goodness." So, the next day they go
[14:44]come to him, they say, "Please come back.
[14:45]Come back, please, please.
[14:47]We want to hear a lecture from you." I like, "Okay." So,
[14:49]he gets on the pulpit.
[14:51]He says, "Guys, do you know what I'm going to what am
[14:53]I going to be talking about tonight?" And so, this time, what
[14:57]did they say?
[14:58]What do you think they said this time?
[15:00]The first night, what did they say?
[15:03]No.
[15:02]So, what did he say?
[15:04]Forget it, you guys.
[15:04]What's the point if you don't know what I'm talking about?
[15:07]So, what do you think they said now?
[15:09]Yeah, we know what you're talking about.
[15:10]He said, then what's the point of me talking about it?
[15:12]If you guys know what I'm talking about, he steps down from
[15:15]the pulpit.
[15:16]So, the third night, come on.
[15:19]Please, please, please go.
[15:19]We really want to hear a lecture from you.
[15:21]He's like, okay, no problem.
[15:22]And he gets up on the pulpit and he's like, "Oh guy,
[15:25]guys, do you know what I'm going to be talking about tonight?"
[15:27]So this time they were smart.
[15:28]Half of them said, "Yeah, yeah, we do." The other half said,
[15:31]"We don't know." It's like, "Well, the guys who know, let them
[15:34]tell the guys who don't know." And he steps down.
[15:37]So you guys, mashallah, you know, Mahd, Mahal, I think, how about
[15:40]we finish for the night, huh?
[15:41]Okay.
[15:42]All right.
[15:43]Okay.
[15:44]Well, setting goals, social media, social media, it's actually a problem.
[15:50]There was an article written by a professor by the name of
[15:58]Zack Carter at Taylor University.
[16:00]He's a professor of communication at Taylor University.
[16:03]And in it, he says the title of the article, your marriage
[16:09]and social media, the grass isn't greener.
[16:15]Okay, this is the title.
[16:18]Now this was written back in 2017.
[16:21]Okay, on Psychology Today.
[16:23]He adds on the title, social media comparison plus marriage equals relational
[16:32]detachment.
[16:34]Yeah.
[16:35]Social media and there's research on this guys.
[16:36]There is research.
[16:39]People sometimes what happens is when they look at social media, they
[16:43]start comparing themselves to the people on social media.
[16:47]For example, the wife or the husband start comparing.
[16:52]So the husband for example or the wife starts comparing.
[16:55]She says for example you know my friend is gone for a
[17:00]a vacation in so and so place.
[17:01]So how about you take me on a vacation to that place?
[17:03]Like well I can't afford it.
[17:07]Like but look you know every for example few months she's going
[17:11]out on a vacation.
[17:11]Why can't we go anywhere?
[17:12]And now there's a problem.
[17:14]If that social media was not there and that comparison effect was
[17:17]not there, things would be a little bit better.
[17:21]So that's a reality actually.
[17:23]That's a reality.
[17:22]The husband husband sometimes he looks at social media and he looks
[17:30]at some ladies and then he looks at his wife and says,
[17:31]"How come you're not as beautiful as this one here?" Can you
[17:36]imagine telling your wife something like this?
[17:37]You know, now this guy does not realize that there are something
[17:43]called filters and enhancements and there is like, you know, a whole
[17:47]bunch of makeup and stuff that people can put on to enhance
[17:49]themselves.
[17:50]He has no clue.
[17:52]He just looks at the picture.
[17:53]He's like, he looks at his wife and he's like, "How come
[17:55]you don't look as pretty as?" Now, he may not say it.
[17:59]He may start thinking thinking it.
[18:00]Why?
[18:01]The whole problem is looking at these profiles.
[18:03]Now that's why I tell brothers and sisters usually try please brothers
[18:09]and sisters if you have social media make sure that if you're
[18:12]a man you have only brothers only brothers on your profile if
[18:15]you're a lady only sisters on your profile and remember what I
[18:20]said yesterday about some sisters posting their pictures on social media even
[18:26]some of the have a problem with this even with the hijab
[18:29]because of this whole problem people start perusing through these profiles and
[18:34]they start looking at them.
[18:34]Then then research shows, boys and girls, brothers and sisters, listen to
[18:39]this.
[18:40]This guy, Zack Taylor, he or Carter, Zack Carter at Taylor University,
[18:45]he says when people start looking at these pictures, they start develop
[18:52]developing emotional connection to the picture to that person without them realizing
[19:00]it.
[19:01]He says it's very subtle.
[19:01]So then what happens?
[19:05]They start getting detached from their spouse and attached to this picture.
[19:09]Then comes in.
[19:09]Nowan is not sitting back doing nothing.
[19:12]Shaitan says, "Well, why don't you do a DM, a message?" And
[19:20]that's where the problem start to arise.
[19:21]All the problem is from social media.
[19:24]This in this particular case, now I'm not saying everything is from
[19:28]social media.
[19:27]I'm not saying social media is bad.
[19:29]But we got to be careful about the utilization of social media
[19:35]brothers and sisters.
[19:34]So that's why he suggests he himself suggests he says one of
[19:41]the suggestions I have in his article he says avoid social media
[19:45]friending slashfollowing other people.
[19:49]He's like that's what he suggests avoid it.
[19:53]Then he says, "Practice habitually abstaining from social media during your free
[20:01]time." So these are some professors and that's what the suggestions that
[20:05]they are making.
[20:04]I'm telling you guys, we need to be careful of social media.
[20:10]It is really affecting our lives.
[20:12]It's taking control of our lives.
[20:14]I really mean it.
[20:17]Brothers and sisters, try to cut down on your social media and
[20:19]then subhan Allah, you'll see how much more productive you'll become.
[20:23]If you want to if you like reading, you'll find that you'll
[20:28]have more time to read.
[20:28]Instead of watching the social media, watch a lecture about religion that
[20:33]benefits you.
[20:35]Uh you might start writing, you might start developing, spend more time
[20:39]with the wife or the husband as opposed to being on social
[20:42]media, you know.
[20:44]So social media is a problem brothers and sisters and therefore it
[20:48]is important for us to cut down on the usage of social
[20:56]media.
[20:53]So that's s one of the etiquets of marriage inshallah is cutting
[21:02]down social media avoiding social media to the best of your ability
[21:06]and when you are with the wife or the wife with the
[21:08]husband avoid it altogether don't even look at it spend time together
[21:15]talking to your wife and to your husband okay so that's the
[21:20]S E for set goals the E is for Expectations.
[21:25]One of the etiquets of marriage is expectations.
[21:29]In what sense?
[21:32]Let's not have any expectations.
[21:33]For example, the husband comes home and he expects that the food
[21:37]is ready.
[21:38]If the food is not ready, oh, how could you not have
[21:40]prepared the food?
[21:42]I've had a long day and the food is maybe she's sick.
[21:46]Maybe she was tired.
[21:47]Maybe she's been busy with the kids.
[21:49]It's okay.
[21:50]There is food.
[21:49]Alhamdulillah.
[21:51]There isn't.
[21:52]The wife has expectations.
[21:56]My sister's husband bought her this beautiful car.
[22:01]Why don't you buy me a beautiful car as well?
[22:04]That's a problem.
[22:07]Now, comparing when you start comparing, it's a problem in the marriage
[22:11]life, brothers and sisters.
[22:11]Always, always set your own standards that work for yourself.
[22:18]On this note, on this note of comparison, brothers and sisters, I'd
[22:21]like to bring the in-laws in here because sometimes the in-laws bring
[22:25]that comparison.
[22:26]The in-laws who start comparing two siblings together.
[22:28]For example, they tell one brother, you know, your brother here, for
[22:35]example, mashallah, he has four children or five kids.
[22:40]Why don't you have five kids?
[22:41]Why do you only have two?
[22:42]It's okay.
[22:44]Maybe their circumstances are different.
[22:46]Let's not compare the two together.
[22:49]So as in-laws, let's not fuel problems.
[22:51]Let's try it to he's happy.
[22:53]He's married to a she's married to a they're happy in their
[22:57]marriage.
[22:58]Let's not start fueling thoughts into the minds of people having expectations.
[23:03]This is a true story.
[23:08]A lady gave birth to a boy, a baby boy.
[23:11]So she was happy, excited.
[23:12]Her husband is excited.
[23:12]The family is all happy.
[23:16]She just gave birth to a baby boy.
[23:18]Her neighbor comes in.
[23:20]Now, whether deliberately or foolishly, either way, the neighbor comes in and
[23:25]says, "Oh, mashallah, you gave birth to a baby boy.
[23:26]Uh, did your husband buy you any jewelry, any diamonds, any gifts?
[23:32]I mean, you gave birth to a baby boy.
[23:35]Did he give you anything?" She's like, "No, he didn't." It's like,
[23:39]"Oh, you know, when my husband I gave birth to a boy,
[23:42]you know, he bought me, for example, this nice bracelet, blah, blah,
[23:44]blah." True story.
[23:48]The neighbor goes out, the husband comes in later, and the wife
[23:55]says, "Uh, you know, I gave birth to a boy.
[23:58]Why didn't you buy me jewelry and gold and all this stuff?"
[24:00]Unfortunately, Subhan Allah.
[24:02]The husband says, "What are you talking about?" She's like, "Yeah, my
[24:06]neighbor, she bought, you know, her husband bought her a nice bracelet,
[24:09]an expensive one.
[24:12]Why don't you buy me one?" He's like, "I can't afford it."
[24:14]It's like, "Why?" And they started getting into an argument until it
[24:19]resulted in divorce.
[24:20]It escalated escalated to a divorce because one lady said something.
[24:28]Don't set expectations.
[24:28]It's okay.
[24:30]It's okay.
[24:29]Be happy and content with your life, whatever you have.
[24:34]So E for expectations and don't set expectations brothers and sisters in
[24:39]a marriage relationship.
[24:40]It's about helping one another as we will come.
[24:44]It's not about competing against one another.
[24:47]We are together here.
[24:48]Okay.
[24:49]So the S is for social media.
[24:51]We need to cut down.
[24:53]The E is for the expectations.
[24:56]Don't have any expectations.
[24:56]Keep it down.
[25:00]The T thinking.
[25:01]What is thinking here?
[25:03]here.
[25:04]Just bear with me please.
[25:08]There was a professor by the name of Colberg.
[25:13]He was a professor of psychology at Harvard University.
[25:18]He is a very famous person in the school of psychology.
[25:22]He developed the six steps of moral development and how a person
[25:31]how a child grows and develops slowly from being a child until
[25:34]he or she becomes an adult.
[25:37]Okay.
[25:37]So he developed this moral theory.
[25:39]Interestingly Coberg only studied boys.
[25:42]He did not study girls.
[25:45]So he developed this theory.
[25:48]If you if you search it up, Colberg's sixstep moral theory, very
[25:53]famous as a psychologist.
[25:56]He had a student, Colberg's student was a lady, her name was
[26:05]Carol Gilligan.
[26:05]Carol Gilligan became a professor at New York University, NYU.
[26:11]She's now currently a professor there of psychology.
[26:15]Carol Gilligan however said you know Colberg my professor he did a
[26:20]great study but it's only about boys in Colberg's study in Colberg's
[26:28]study he found that the sixth level of moral development is not
[26:32]reached by all people the sixth one is really the tough tough
[26:35]what is that sixth level according to Colberg it's doing the right
[26:43]thing because it is right not because society says says it's right.
[26:47]He says that's the sixth level.
[26:48]For example, the example he uses is Martin Luther King Jr.
[26:54]You know the African-American who spoke for civil rights in the United
[26:59]States and he led civil rights movements.
[27:01]At that time it was illegal for African-Americans to for example go
[27:05]and call for their rights and whatever.
[27:07]They had different segregation and racist rules.
[27:11]So the laws were as such.
[27:14]However, he did not confine himself to the laws.
[27:18]He said, "No, these laws are wrong.
[27:18]We need to have rights like everyone else.
[27:21]We're human beings." So, he challenged the rules.
[27:25]He challenged the rules because he did what's right because it is
[27:30]right.
[27:30]Now, that's the sixth moral.
[27:31]That's the sixth level of moral development according to Colberg.
[27:35]Y doing what's right because it is right.
[27:38]Carol Gilligan came and said, "Well, that's fine.
[27:42]Great." But he only studied men.
[27:44]He did not study women.
[27:47]So she actually studied women.
[27:49]She studied female psychology.
[27:51]Interestingly, she found that there is a difference for women.
[27:57]For women, the highest level of moral development was to sacrifice to
[28:09]give for the sake of others.
[28:11]Subhan Allah.
[28:10]She gives for the sake of others.
[28:15]That's the highest level.
[28:15]For example, for example, let's say there is a lady who studies
[28:19]and becomes a doctor.
[28:23]Mashallah.
[28:21]That's a lot of studying.
[28:24]But she has children.
[28:25]She's willing.
[28:27]She's willing to sacrifice her degree and all the years that she
[28:31]spent studying for the sake of raising her children.
[28:34]To the women, the female psychology.
[28:36]According to Gilligan, this is the highest level of moral development, sacrificing
[28:42]for the sake of others.
[28:47]And she published it in a book called In a Different Voice.
[28:51]In a Different Voice by Carol Gilligan, published back in 1982.
[28:59]Harvard University said this book caused a revolution.
[29:04]That's what they said about this book because this is something completely
[29:07]different.
[29:08]Now interestingly now a lot of people started debating especially women they
[29:13]started saying no this is not right this is right so there
[29:16]was a lot of debates although cara Gilligan herself identifies herself as
[29:21]a feminist she says I'm a feminist but this is the reality
[29:25]the psychology of women is different from the psychology of men in
[29:30]certain aspects according to my research that she published in her book
[29:35]so if we were to recognize this that women sometimes think differently
[29:42]than in a marriage relationship.
[29:43]We can appreciate this.
[29:46]Now listen to this one brothers and sisters.
[29:50]I think this one is a good one.
[29:54]Okay, this is an article written by Dr.
[29:58]Steve Taylor back in 2014.
[29:59]Dr.
[30:00]Steve Taylor, he is a senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett
[30:03]University.
[30:04]Do you guys know that university?
[30:07]Leeds Beckett.
[30:06]Okay.
[30:07]I think like it's in the UK.
[30:10]Okay.
[30:09]So, the article, the title of the article, listen to this one.
[30:17]Are you ready?
[30:17]Why men don't like shopping and bracket most women do?
[30:23]You with me so far?
[30:28]Okay.
[30:29]In the article, he says, he writes a survey of 2,000 British
[30:33]people.
[30:34]you guys, may Allah bless you, okay?
[30:38]Conducted in 2013, and that's a long time ago now.
[30:44]It's a long time ago, 12 years ago, found that men become
[30:50]bored after only 26 minutes of shopping while it took women a
[30:57]full two hours.
[30:58]So, men after 26 minutes of shopping, they get bored according to
[31:05]the survey.
[31:04]women how long two hours.
[31:08]So then they were intrigued by these findings.
[31:12]The survey found that 80% of men didn't like shopping with their
[31:18]partners and 45% avoided doing so at all costs.
[31:24]Almost half of all spousal shopping trips, spouses go shopping.
[31:34]Almost half half of those spousal shopping trips ended in arguments.
[31:39]They end up in arguments cuz after 26 minutes, what happens to
[31:43]the man?
[31:45]He gets bored.
[31:47]The wife, she's just starting still and an hour and a half
[31:54]left according to the average.
[31:55]So they get an argument with men becoming frustrated because they bought
[32:01]what they needed straight away.
[32:04]Men when they go, "This is what I want.
[32:07]Pick it up and go." However, while their partners were still looking
[32:13]and taking too long to make decisions.
[32:15]Now those of you who are married, you might know what I'm
[32:20]talking about.
[32:22]Okay?
[32:20]Now if okay they're asking people to move forward because I think
[32:26]the men are starting to run away you know they're afraid the
[32:28]men are going to run away now because okay sohammed please move
[32:37]forward as much as you can for the fulfillment of the inshallah
[32:42]through the barak of Muhammad for the hastening of the reappearance of
[32:55]our imal for Sharif.
[33:00]A third salawat with the loudest of your voices.
[33:07]All right.
[33:09]So, so this is what they're saying.
[33:10]In addition, brothers and sisters, in 2009, in the same article, this
[33:16]was published in 2014, the same article, he quotes two anthropologists in
[33:25]2009.
[33:26]They published a paper, Krueger and Biker.
[33:29]Krueger, Ku G- E, and Biker by B Y Ker.
[33:35]So, they published an article in 2009.
[33:38]What do they say in the article?
[33:42]They found that women were more inclined to spend extended time browsing
[33:49]around shopping malls.
[33:50]Women want to spend more time.
[33:54]This is in an article.
[33:54]Research has been shown to do this.
[33:57]While men were more inclined to buy what they needed and then
[34:02]leave straight away.
[34:04]And what does the research show?
[34:09]The man goes, "This is what I want." It's like laser, you
[34:12]know.
[34:13]This is it.
[34:15]This is what I want.
[34:16]Finish.
[34:16]The woman comes.
[34:16]She says, "No, let's browse around.
[34:18]Let's let's see, you know, what what else is available?" You know
[34:23]what?
[34:23]Why are you rushing?
[34:24]26 minutes.
[34:25]We still have an hour and a half.
[34:27]You know, now sometimes, as they say, 50% of arguments, they start
[34:33]getting into an argument.
[34:35]You know it's like come on.
[34:36]But if we understand there is such a difference then we can
[34:41]come to an understanding.
[34:41]We can come to a compromise.
[34:43]You say listen okay we go to the shopping center for example.
[34:47]How much time would you like?
[34:49]Now she says like okay you know I want two hours.
[34:52]He says okay how about we make it like an hour you
[34:58]know.
[34:56]But he says okay fine.
[34:59]So let's go an hour.
[34:59]That's fine.
[35:01]Now if the time passes don't start going like this.
[35:06]uh an hour finish yah finish be patient be patient it's okay
[35:09]understand and it's not the end of the world just be patient
[35:11]a little bit you know this is like lecture you know they
[35:16]say an hour it comes an hour and a half you stay
[35:19]you know kalas so my dear sisters you can use that tell
[35:21]your husbands you stayed in she's lecture for an hour and a
[35:24]half you don't stay with me for an hour and a half
[35:25]you know so it's okay it's not the end of the world
[35:29]but at the same time at the same time there had to
[35:32]be this understanding Okay, an hour passes, an hour, 15 minutes, an
[35:36]hour and a half, let's get going here.
[35:39]Okay, so if we have that kind of understanding, then we realize,
[35:43]we realize, okay, we can work together.
[35:45]You see guys, that's what I mean by thinking the way sometimes
[35:50]the psychology of women might be different from the psychology of men
[35:54]in certain aspects.
[35:54]In certain aspects according to some research.
[35:57]Okay.
[35:57]Again, we're not here saying like for example what's right, what is
[36:01]wrong.
[36:02]We're not here to do this.
[36:03]We're quoting some scientific research that suggests there is some difference on
[36:08]the way people think.
[36:11]Men versus women.
[36:10]Okay?
[36:11]So therefore, if we have that kind of understanding, it will help
[36:15]us.
[36:15]That's between men and women.
[36:17]Now, between people, people, brothers and sisters, sometimes there's a difference.
[36:21]Some people, this is men and women now.
[36:24]Some people are introverts.
[36:26]Others are extroverts.
[36:29]Okay, this is men and women.
[36:31]You have you might have a man who's an extrovert or a
[36:33]man who's an introvert.
[36:35]A woman who's an extrovert, a woman who's an introvert.
[36:37]Okay, now what happens is extroverts extroverts brothers and sisters, according to
[36:44]Carl Jung, Carl Jung was a psychologist, he developed some theory and
[36:52]he did some research.
[36:52]He said extroverts like to spend time with people.
[36:57]They thrive when they spend time with people.
[36:59]They want to talk.
[37:00]They want to you know talk to people etc.
[37:03]Introverts however if preferred they they prefer not engaging with a lot
[37:08]of people.
[37:09]Introverts would like to talk to one or two people.
[37:12]So they come into the crowd for example they know one or
[37:14]two people.
[37:15]They'll hang out with these one or two people.
[37:15]Extroverts would like to go around everyone shaking their hands and talking
[37:19]to them.
[37:20]And you know, have you seen sometimes some guys when you're in
[37:25]a gathering, some guys gets up everybody and he comes and shakes
[37:28]the hand of each and every single person like you know half
[37:32]an hour just saying you know until he leaves.
[37:36]Where are those there are those who just say and they quietly
[37:39]disappear and they're like where is so and so like oh he
[37:43]left half an hour ago.
[37:44]Oh really?
[37:45]We didn't even notice.
[37:45]That is sometimes the action of an introvert.
[37:49]Introverts don't like to really engage with so many people if given
[37:52]the choice.
[37:54]They prefer, you know, to stay to themselves.
[37:58]That's one.
[37:57]Second, introverts.
[37:59]Introverts do not prefer to speak to a lot of people.
[38:04]When they speak to a lot of people, their energy is drained.
[38:07]Drained.
[38:08]So, what they need is they need to go back home and
[38:10]unwind.
[38:11]They need to just relax for like half an hour, 1 hour,
[38:16]read a book, just quiet.
[38:16]Why?
[38:17]Because talking to a lot of people drains their energy.
[38:20]Extroverts, however, what they thrive when they talk to people.
[38:24]So they're sitting down with people, they're thriving.
[38:26]You know, they're that's where they get their energy from.
[38:30]So imagine if a husband or a wife husband is introvert, the
[38:33]wife is an extrovert, for example, or vice versa.
[38:37]Vice versa.
[38:38]And by the way, just as a side note, there are some
[38:40]very successful people who are introverts.
[38:42]Do you guys know that former President Barack Obama is an introvert?
[38:46]He's an introvert.
[38:48]He's an excellent talk.
[38:49]Now, he's a president of the United States.
[38:51]He was the president of the United States.
[38:52]So, he meets a lot of people.
[38:53]But I read in an article one day at the end of
[38:58]every night, every night, Obama used to go into the library, shuts
[39:01]the door of the library, sits down and reads a book.
[39:05]He just spends he he wants to unwind.
[39:08]That energy is really draining him of talking to a lot of
[39:11]people.
[39:11]So, you see guys, so you may have some very successful people
[39:15]who are introverts.
[39:15]They don't appear like introverts.
[39:17]So sometimes what happens is I had a couple one day come
[39:22]to me and so the husband was complaining.
[39:25]He says likeh I go out with my wife we talk to
[39:29]people mashallah she's talking to everybody she's engaging with conversations etc etc.
[39:33]When we come back home I said let's talk to each other.
[39:36]She says you know what I I I need my time kalas.
[39:40]I'm going to go and read in a book uh in a
[39:44]library for for like half an hour.
[39:45]don't disturb me for 1 hour.
[39:46]It's like what's wrong with her?
[39:48]I tell her like you know for half an hour or like
[39:50]for a couple hours you were talking to people at the gathering.
[39:54]Why don't you want to talk to me?
[39:56]So I explained to him I said to him brother you know
[39:57]maybe she's an introvert.
[39:59]I don't know if she is.
[40:00]Now we don't know.
[40:02]There are some you know assessments but maybe she's an introvert.
[40:05]When actually she did the assessment it turned out she was an
[40:08]introvert.
[40:09]She actually was an introvert.
[40:10]He was an extrovert.
[40:13]So when they used to go out she is talking to the
[40:15]people but her energy is being drained.
[40:17]When they come back home she just wants that half an hour
[40:23]to unwind to relax one hour just to spend her time to
[40:25]herself.
[40:25]If he did not know this afterwards he came to me say
[40:30]alhamdulill now I understand why my wife behaves like this.
[40:32]Now I understand.
[40:35]Before there was a problem there was tension.
[40:35]He thought that you know you're talking to people but why don't
[40:40]you want to talk to me?
[40:40]He didn't understand.
[40:42]So you see thinking.
[40:43]So now once we understand people behave differently then we can develop
[40:48]some appreciation.
[40:49]Okay.
[40:50]So that's the thinking.
[40:51]So S for social media cutting down the social media.
[40:55]E is for the expectation.
[40:57]T for the thinking.
[40:57]That's set goals.
[41:01]G the G is for gratitude.
[41:03]My dear brothers and sisters honestly show gratitude to your spouse.
[41:07]Be grateful to Allah subhana wa ta'ala.
[41:10]Say, "Alhamdulillah, ya Allah, you gave me a wife.
[41:14]You gave me a husband.
[41:13]He's a M.
[41:15]She's a mu." That's something really it's a it's it's something that
[41:18]a lot of people don't have in this world.
[41:21]So be grateful for what you have.
[41:24]Don't start comparing her or him to other people and really making
[41:27]your life miserable.
[41:30]Show gratitude.
[41:30]Research shows those who have a gratitude journal, they are happier.
[41:37]and they appreciate what they have in life.
[41:38]Brothers and sisters, you look around us today in the world.
[41:42]Look at that area that's constantly being unfortunately attacked and attacked and
[41:48]attacked.
[41:46]People don't even have food.
[41:50]They start eating grass for God's sake.
[41:51]You probably read about them.
[41:55]Okay?
[41:54]Subhan Allah.
[41:55]And here we are, you know, complaining.
[41:56]I don't like this food.
[42:00]I don't like that food.
[42:00]I don't like this.
[42:00]Alhamdulillah.
[42:02]Alhamdulillah.
[42:03]Allah has given us some food to eat.
[42:06]People around the world literally are dying.
[42:08]Dying and no one is saying a word.
[42:11]Unfortunately, nobody is saying anything.
[42:13]And the sad part, Subhan Allah, you know, you read in the
[42:18]news, oh, 50,000 people have been killed.
[42:21]You know, 60,000 people have 60,000.
[42:23]Each one of these people is like a book.
[42:29]These 60,000 people are is a son who has a father, is
[42:35]a daughter who has a brother, is an aunt, is a father,
[42:40]is a mother, is a grandfather, a grand, this is a whole
[42:46]book with so much information, but they're taking this book and burning
[42:50]it into ashes and turning it into a statistic.
[42:51]You know, 50,000.
[42:53]What do you mean?
[42:54]Subhan Allah.
[42:55]And it's so painful.
[42:57]So painful.
[42:58]50,000 people have been killed.
[43:02]How many lives have been affected by?
[43:04]Each one of those is connected to how many people and you
[43:08]might 500,000 1 million people have been affected.
[43:12]Subhan Allah.
[43:14]So let us say alhamdulillah.
[43:17]Alhamdulillah.
[43:16]Show your gratitude to Allah.
[43:19]When you once you do this, you'll start seeing that okay, you
[43:22]know what?
[43:23]My partner is good.
[43:23]Okay, I'll work with him.
[43:26]I'll work with her.
[43:26]He's not perfect.
[43:29]She's not perfect, but let me work.
[43:30]So that's something we got to think about.
[43:31]Gratitude, brothers and sisters.
[43:34]Show gratitude.
[43:35]That's the G, the O oratory skills.
[43:38]Although that's usually talks about public speaking, but speak nicely to each
[43:43]other.
[43:44]Speak nicely to one another.
[43:45]There is a rea when a man says to his wife, I
[43:49]love you, she never forgets it.
[43:51]There is a rewire about this.
[43:55]Speak nicely, kindly to each other.
[43:56]How can I help you?
[43:57]What can I do for you?
[44:00]Thank you very much for all the work you've been doing.
[44:02]I appreciate it.
[44:04]It's it's amazing when the wife says this to her husband.
[44:06]When the husband said this to her wife to his wife and
[44:09]if the children grow up in such an environment, they'll learn to
[44:12]appreciate as well and speak kindly.
[44:14]They'll speak n.
[44:16]But if they see the father yelling at the wife, the wife
[44:19]is yelling at the father at the husband and they see what
[44:23]do you think?
[44:24]How are they going to grow up?
[44:26]They're going to grow up in such an environment of tension.
[44:28]They'll be stressed without even knowing why.
[44:34]I've seen this honestly brothers and sisters as a principle.
[44:38]Sometimes I experience sometimes people who unfortunately go through a divorce.
[44:43]We see the impact on the children.
[44:45]Subhan Allah.
[44:47]Subhan Allah.
[44:49]The child changes.
[44:49]The child changes.
[44:51]It's difficult.
[44:52]It's difficult.
[44:54]So that's why we try to tell now I understand sometimes it
[44:57]is inevitable you know it's difficult sometimes the husband is such a
[45:00]good person the wife is also a great lady but the chemistry
[45:03]does not work even the Quran Quran tells us about and who
[45:14]later married they zade is a good man zan is a good
[45:17]lady but subhan allah the chemistries didn't work out so they ended
[45:22]up divorcing each And then the the the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
[45:26]married Zan in it's mentioned there.
[45:28]So sometimes the man is good, the lady is good but unfortunately
[45:31]it just does not work out.
[45:34]Try to the best of ability to make it work but if
[45:36]it doesn't then that's why Allah put divorce but at least let's
[45:40]respect the boundaries of Allah subhana wa ta'ala when it come to
[45:44]the divorce and let's try to keep the children in attention in
[45:47]mind when we do this in case of a divorce but let's
[45:52]try to speak kindly.
[45:52]That's the oration oratory skills.
[45:54]Set goals.
[45:56]So, we're now at what letter?
[46:00]That's good.
[46:01]You guys impress me, man.
[46:02]It was like people are falling asleep.
[46:05]Oh, that's good.
[46:07]Mashallah.
[46:08]The A.
[46:10]A.
[46:11]A is aid each other.
[46:12]Aiding one another.
[46:12]Marriage is not a competition.
[46:17]Marriage is about helping one another.
[46:18]Let us understand this, brothers and sisters.
[46:20]Let's look at a husband who is the wife is a great
[46:38]example and role model for us.
[46:41]Today I was giving a talk to the sisters and they told
[46:45]them when I was in university brothers and sisters when I was
[46:48]in university they taught us Hamlet.
[46:51]Do you remember that guy Hamlet?
[46:54]The guy to be or not to be guy you know.
[46:58]Yeah that guy Shakespeareian Hamlet.
[46:58]So one day I was talking to the teacher who was teaching
[47:01]the class instructor and I told her she told me she said
[47:06]do you know that there are 3,000 research papers written about Hamlet?
[47:09]This was back in those days.
[47:11]Thou 3,000 research papers.
[47:12]3,000 I mean professors at universities are writing research about Hamlet.
[47:18]I looked at her and I said, "Are you serious?
[47:20]Hamlet is a fictional character.
[47:23]He's not even real.
[47:26]He's the creation of who?" Shakespeare.
[47:27]Shakespeare made him.
[47:29]Yeah.
[47:30]And if you tell me that there are 3,000 papers written about
[47:32]Shakespeare, okay, maybe I'll, you know, fine.
[47:35]At least he's a real person.
[47:36]He was a poet.
[47:39]But you're telling me 3,000 papers about Hamlet, fictional character.
[47:43]Are you serious?
[47:43]Why?
[47:44]She's like, don't say that.
[47:47]It's important for us to study Hamlet so then we can derive
[47:51]lessons that we can relate to our real world.
[47:54]Can you hear this?
[47:56]Yeah.
[47:56]And they study Hamlet, a fictional character, so that they can derive
[47:59]lessons into the real world.
[48:02]about Hamlet.
[48:03]3,000 papers.
[48:07]When did Shakespeare die, friends?
[48:11]Do you guys know that?
[48:13]Do you guys know that Shakespeare was British?
[48:16]Yeah.
[48:17]Okay.
[48:17]Alhamdulillah, you know that?
[48:18]Okay.
[48:19]He died about 400 years ago.
[48:20]Huh?
[48:20]You know, more than 400 years ago.
[48:22]So, more than 400 years ago, Shakespeare died.
[48:25]and they're still studying his novels, his plays, and they're doing like
[48:30]research about them, about his characters, the fictional characters that he created,
[48:34]and they're deriving lessons to the real world.
[48:36]Allah has given us loved, the best of his creation to be
[48:48]role models for us.
[48:48]And you hear people saying, "Oh, they lived 1400 years ago.
[48:51]Times are different now." Are you serious?
[48:54]400 years ago Shakespeare died and he had written these plays and
[48:58]they're still writing research about how to relate to those fictional characters
[49:02]from 400 years ago and us whom Allah has purified whom Allah
[49:10]has given us as role models we claim that they are from
[49:12]1400 years ago old life has changed times have changed are you
[49:15]serious so when you tell sometimes the sisters where the like they
[49:22]tell us times have changed No, the abaya is still there.
[49:26]And that's why you see our their daughters are wearing the abaya,
[49:29]their wives are wearing the abaya.
[49:30]So really our moto should be the this is our standard.
[49:37]We should wear the if not the headbay, at least the shoulder
[49:42]when we go to work, when we go to school.
[49:45]That is really what we should be wearing because that is even
[49:51]if it were from 1400 years ago, we still can relate to
[49:55]it until this day and age.
[49:57]When we say makeup is haram in public, this is how we
[50:05]should be.
[50:06]So these things we need to implement and therefore look at fat
[50:12]and imam how they dealt with each other with utmost respect.
[50:18]Look at look at now many of you mah memorize when imam
[50:22]comes what does he say?
[50:32]Look at the beautiful language.
[50:42]First he sends his salam in the utmost respect.
[50:45]or daughter of the prophet, oh father of Al Hassan and by
[50:52]the way this suggests to you that Im Ali was called even
[50:56]during the time of not after at the time of he was
[51:05]called.
[51:04]So he says I smell a beautiful fragrance.
[51:07]It smells like my cousin and my brother.
[51:10]Is he here?
[51:12]Yes, he's there.
[51:13]He's with your sons.
[51:13]Look at the beautiful language Hassan Hussein when they come to see
[51:17]their grandfather how they give their salam how he responds back he
[51:25]answer beautiful harmony beautiful relationship of this beautiful family that's what we
[51:29]need to engage with our wives and our husbands and our children
[51:37]brothers and sisters so aid help one another we're not here to
[51:41]compete against one another we're here to I am here to support
[51:45]you.
[51:44]You know what?
[51:46]If you are ill, if you're tired, I'm going to be there
[51:52]for you.
[51:50]I ali used to grind wheat to help his wife.
[51:55]Fat.
[51:56]He would not tell her, "This is your job.
[51:58]It's house work.
[52:00]You should do the house chores." No.
[52:02]The says if a man helps his h his wife in the
[52:06]house chores, he's among the that's a high status.
[52:10]So try to help the wife.
[52:11]Why not?
[52:12]What's wrong with that?
[52:13]Support her.
[52:14]And the h and the wife supports the husband.
[52:17]Sometimes he might go through some financial problems.
[52:19]Well, I'll support you.
[52:21]I'll help you.
[52:20]No problem.
[52:22]We can work around it.
[52:24]Let's help as long as we have each other.
[52:26]We have the love of Allah subhana wa ta'ala.
[52:27]Our children are healthy.
[52:28]Alhamdulillah.
[52:29]We can make it through.
[52:30]These motivating words really encourage propel as opposed to fighting and why
[52:35]don't you have money and this and this and this.
[52:39]Aid one another.
[52:40]L learn the value of marriage and family.
[52:46]I know this may sound you know obvious but honestly the other
[52:51]day brothers and sisters other day I saw a mmin in this
[52:54]majus he came here he told me alhamdulillah I've been blessed with
[53:02]a a boy a baby boy few months old so I said
[53:04]mashallah congratulations etc alhamdulillah that's good I told him uh and he
[53:09]said I brought my wife and my child I came here tonight
[53:12]actually alhamdulillah we came here together I said oh mashallah even though
[53:15]you have a little boy and sometimes having a little child is
[53:20]difficult.
[53:19]He said, "Yeah, but I made a condition to my wife." I
[53:23]said, "What's the condition?" I told her, "We're going to go to
[53:27]the majus.
[53:28]We're going to stay all the way to the end of So,
[53:32]she made a deal with me.
[53:35]I made a deal with her.
[53:36]I told him, listen, I respect that deal and I really respect
[53:39]it.
[53:40]But I told him even if in the middle of the majus
[53:44]if your wife sends you a message or you receive a phone
[53:49]call saying please let's get out because you have a baby you
[53:55]know baby sometimes they cry they they they need something they're they're
[54:00]in control of the time sometimes not you how many times you
[54:04]parents parents how many times you plan something and you make a
[54:08]plan maybe even travel plans maybe you booked your kiss everything and
[54:11]and subhan Allah like the day before or the night before the
[54:16]child becomes ill and you have to take him to the hospital
[54:17]everything changes you have to cancel everything hasn't that happened sometimes it's
[54:22]not in your control nor is it in the wife's control so
[54:28]I told him listen I appreciate what you just said that deal
[54:31]is a good deal but if the wife tells you it's time
[54:34]to leave kalas it's time to leave because you have a baby
[54:36]and subhan allah subhan allah He receives a message saying, "Can we
[54:42]please leave?" And he leaves.
[54:46]And it's this is good because this is showing appreciation to marriage.
[54:51]The value of marriage and the value of family.
[54:55]Brothers, sisters, I know sometimes you want to spend time with your
[55:01]friends, hang out, which is fine.
[55:02]I'm okay with it.
[55:02]But family is first.
[55:05]Spend time with your family.
[55:06]Family comes first.
[55:08]Spend time with your wives.
[55:10]Spend time with your husbands.
[55:11]Yes.
[55:11]Every now and then you go out, see your friends for like,
[55:14]you know, 15 minutes.
[55:17]No problem.
[55:17]Uh more more than 15.
[55:19]Okay.
[55:20]Half an hour.
[55:19]Okay.
[55:20]Half an hour.
[55:22]Half an hour.
[55:21]No problem.
[55:24]Especially when you have kids, invest time.
[55:26]These children, you know, mashallah.
[55:28]May Allah bless them.
[55:31]How old are you, brother?
[55:33]Yeah.
[55:33]Yeah.
[55:34]Yeah.
[55:35]How old are you?
[55:35]Eight.
[55:36]Mashallah.
[55:37]Eight.
[55:38]You know, the last time I came and lectured at the Foundation
[55:41]was in 2019.
[55:43]That's how many years ago, friends?
[55:45]Six years ago.
[55:47]If this kid was eight Six years ago, six, sorry, he's eight
[55:53]now.
[55:50]How old was he six years ago?
[55:54]He's eight now, brother.
[55:57]Six years ago.
[55:58]He was two years, not not three years.
[56:00]May Allah bless you.
[56:00]Inshallah.
[56:03]I think it's time for me to finish.
[56:05]I think guys are getting too tired.
[56:08]They can't even, you know, 8 - 6 is three now.
[56:11]So, may Allah bless you.
[56:15]I think he deserves a lot of salawat.
[56:16]This man, Allahham, I think this this kid also deserves a lot
[56:23]of salawat.
[56:25]Allah and I think you guys deserve a very loud salawat.
[56:30]Brothers and sisters, Allah But really they grow up quickly and think
[56:40]about it.
[56:41]Six years ago he was only two years old.
[56:44]Today he is eight.
[56:43]In six years time he's 14.
[56:46]And then all of a sudden before you know it like my
[56:49]son is like already 25 years old and he's already off to
[56:53]like you know he's college and marriage and kalas and things and
[56:56]spend time with them.
[56:57]Appreciate wallah.
[56:58]You you you will not regret this.
[57:00]If you have a child who's two years old, five years old
[57:05]spend time with them.
[57:04]Believe me, enjoy it because they're going to grow and one day
[57:09]you'll say like, "Oh man, I wish those days would come back.
[57:12]I wish I had spent time with my children." Honestly, so really
[57:16]learn the value of family and the children and the family values.
[57:26]Lastly, the S for what do I mean, brothers?
[57:30]Who do we follow?
[57:29]Who's our im Sharif.
[57:36]Our prophet is our guide is our guides are Muhammad Ali Muhammad.
[57:51]So let's act like them.
[57:56]Let's behave like them with our with our kindness, with our manner.
[58:01]We can inshallah embrace our problems.
[58:03]Now if all fails, if all fails, don't go out and start
[58:09]talking to people.
[58:10]Oh mom, do you know my husband did this this this and
[58:14]then the husband calls his mom and mom did you know my
[58:16]my wife did this this this this and now the the mothers
[58:20]call each other and now you have a family feud.
[58:23]To the best of your ability, try to keep your problems to
[58:25]yourselves.
[58:26]Try to resolve them amongst each other.
[58:27]However, if needed, Quran says send someone, some wise person from her
[58:36]family and a wise person from his family.
[58:39]Let them talk and when they talk, they should really aim at
[58:43]resolving the problem.
[58:45]Not saying, "Oh, Kala's divorce finished." No, no, no.
[58:48]Brothers, sisters, really, let's try to put in our effort.
[58:53]Inshallah, inshallah.
[58:53]If we follow this etiquette, we can inshallah, inshallah resolve some of
[59:01]the problems.
[58:59]Again, set goals.
[59:02]S for social media.
[59:02]Cut down the social media.
[59:06]E for expectations.
[59:07]T for thinking.
[59:10]Realize that sometimes the different way people think, men and women or
[59:15]introverts versus extroverts and so on so forth.
[59:19]The G is for gratitude.
[59:20]Show your gratitude to your spouse.
[59:23]All oratory skills and speak with kindness, with compassion, with motivation.
[59:29]Always be positive in your thinking and in your sayings.
[59:35]The aid each other.
[59:36]Help one another.
[59:39]Support one another.
[59:39]Oversee the problem.
[59:41]Sometimes you need to kind of It's okay.
[59:45]She said something.
[59:45]That's okay.
[59:46]She didn't mean it.
[59:46]She must be really tired.
[59:49]Let's move on.
[59:49]as opposed to oh you said this and this and this I'm
[59:53]going to say this and this and now the fire keeps on
[59:57]fueling and finally learn this the values of the family and finally
[60:01]is the let's be like the of really keeping our mind keeping
[60:10]our keeping our manners inshallah So brothers and sisters we can implement
[60:24]these values.
[60:28]Im Ali he wanted to get married to a lady who was
[60:37]brave known for her bravery.
[60:36]So he asks his brother says can you find me a lady
[60:42]who comes from a brave tribe.
[60:43]Now he knows about his bravery.
[60:45]He has a plan for the future.
[60:49]So he wants someone who comes from a brave tribe tells him
[60:54]yes who became known as she is your lady.
[60:58]She comes from an honorable tribe respected tribe and very brave.
[61:06]Some people ask me they say sheh what do you think about
[61:08]us marrying someone without a hijab not wearing the hijab?
[61:13]I say listen this is a decision you will need to make.
[61:15]How important is hijab for you?
[61:17]So sometimes they say it's very important for me.
[61:20]Say okay well then if this wife is not wearing the hijab
[61:23]what's what do you think?
[61:25]He says well but she promised me that she will wear the
[61:27]hijab after marriage.
[61:29]I said no get her to wear hijab now.
[61:32]Let her try putting on the hijab.
[61:33]If she wears it and she's comfortable with it and everything is
[61:36]good, then you can go ahead and marry.
[61:39]Because the last thing you would want is you marry her and
[61:44]then maybe she tries putting on the hijab, but she says, "I'm
[61:46]not comfortable." And she takes it off.
[61:48]Then what are you going to do?
[61:49]Marriage is not a joke.
[61:51]You know, you can't say, "Well, I'll divorce her." No, it doesn't
[61:54]work that way, brother.
[61:53]This is not a joke.
[61:56]You made the decision to marry her.
[61:59]Kalas, that's your choice.
[61:59]That's one.
[62:00]Second, do you want your daughters to wear the hijab?
[62:02]It's like yes.
[62:04]It's like you got to think about this.
[62:06]If the mother is not wearing the hijab, then maybe your daughters
[62:09]inshallah will wear the hijab.
[62:11]But there is also a chance.
[62:14]If the wife is wearing the hijab, then there is a good
[62:18]chance that the daughter will imitate the wife and she will also
[62:20]wear the hijab.
[62:21]But if the wife is not wearing the hijab, then there is
[62:24]also a good chance the daughter will imitate the wife and will
[62:28]not wear the hijab.
[62:28]So this is something we got to really think about.
[62:31]Don't just think about right now.
[62:33]Think about 20 years from now.
[62:34]What's going to happen, my brothers and sisters?
[62:37]So, Im Ali wants a lady, an honorable lady, a god-fearing some
[62:44]person.
[62:45]So, he says, and indeed he tells him go and ask for
[62:49]her hand in marriage.
[62:53]So goes to the tribe and he asks for the hand of
[62:57]in marriage to and she's married to Imam in the year 26
[63:08]after is born wraps him in a cloth and she presents him
[63:25]to Im Ali.
[63:28]She's just given birth to this beautiful boy.
[63:29]Im Ali takes the little boy.
[63:36]He unwraps that cloth and he takes out the little hands of
[63:40]this little boy.
[63:43]He looks at them and he kisses them and then he starts
[63:47]crying.
[63:51]says, "Is there a problem with the hands of my son?" He
[64:02]says, "No, but there will be a day when these hands will
[64:09]be sacrificed for the love of Hussein." [Music] Indeed, on the day
[64:22]of [Music] Im Hussein gives his banner to his brother Abd and
[64:34]Abdul Abbas holds on to the banner.
[64:37]He awaits until all the companions and family members have been martyed.
[64:46]He then turns to his siblings, his three brothers from his mother
[64:52]and says, "It is my mother's will and wish that I make
[64:59]sure that you die defending." [Music] So go ahead and make me
[65:11]proud.
[65:12]So the three brothers go Abdullahman fighting bravely until they are martyed.
[65:19]At that point now there is no one left with [Music] except
[65:31]Abdul Abbas.
[65:34]He approaches Im Hussein with utmost dignity, respect and humility.
[65:45]And he says, [Music] "Oh my master, give me permission to go
[66:04]and fight." He would never call his brother.
[66:06]He would call him Abdah.
[66:11]Im Hussein looks at Abdul F and said, [Music] in the [Music]
[66:42]brother.
[66:48]You are the carrier of my banner.
[66:55]You are the one who looks after my women and my children.
[66:58]If you go, my banner will fall on the grounds of Caravala.
[67:05]And who will there to look after my women and my children?
[67:11]He tells him brother, he tells him, my master say [Music] I
[67:23]have lost my patience with these enemies.
[67:27]seeing what they have done to our companions and family members.
[67:34]Now it is time for me to defend you.
[67:40]He says, "Brother Abbas, if you really have to go, then why
[67:45]don't you go fetch the water for my children and my women?"
[67:50]Abd first tries to go and talk to the army of he
[68:01]says this is the river of flowing and animals of the desert
[68:10]are drinking from it.
[68:14]Yet you have deprived Hussein and the children of Hussein from it.
[68:19]They are dying from thirst.
[68:21]Let them have some water.
[68:26]Answers back and says, "Oh son of Abu, if the whole face
[68:34]of earth is covered with water and it's under our control, we
[68:37]will not give you a drop of water to drink until Hussein
[68:43]pledges his allegiance to Yazid.
[68:45][Music] Abul Abbas returns back to Abdullah.
[68:53]Unable now to communicate with the enemies to get the water from
[69:02]them.
[69:03]He hugs his brother Abdah.
[69:04]As he does so, he hears the children crying.
[69:13][Music] We are thirsty.
[69:22]We're thirsty.
[69:24]We're thirsty.
[69:25]He hears this.
[69:27]He grabs the bag of water.
[69:29]The children of Hussein are thirsty and I'm alive.
[69:33]No.
[69:36]No.
[69:36]So he takes the bag of water and he heads to the
[69:42]river of whenever one of the companions of Imam al Hussein or
[69:47]a family member wanted to go to the battlefield including Imam al
[69:51]Hussein himself he would come and bid farewell to the family he
[69:58]would say goodbyes I'm going to go now I am leaving so
[70:05]the family.
[70:07]The women would await.
[70:08]The women would realize that he is going to go.
[70:13]But Abd never said his goodbyes to Zam because the plan was
[70:30]that he goes to the river of and he comes back with
[70:36]the water.
[70:39]So he heads to the river of with the bag of water
[70:45]determined to fill it and bring it back to the tents had
[70:52]kept 4,000 people on the river of to prevent Im Hussein and
[71:00]his camp from reaching the water.
[71:02]When those people see coming a lion like amongst them they started
[71:17]to fight him but they realized they could not face him.
[71:20]So they actually spread away running away from him opening the way
[71:25]for him to make it to the river of this is the
[71:32]son of Ali the son of a lion like his father came
[71:39]in so they all dispersed and he made it to the river
[71:43]of im narrates and says the heart of My uncle Al Abbas
[71:53]was burning like charcoal from thirst.
[71:56]Yet when he dipped his hands in the river of and he
[72:04]felt how cold the water is.
[72:06]Despite his thirst, he remembers the thirst of Im Hussein.
[72:14]the thirst of the children of he lets go of the water
[72:35]calling [Music] The moon.
[72:39][Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Music] Oh myself, how dare you wanting to drink
[73:17]the water when Hussein is all thirsty.
[73:21]This is not the teachings of my religion, nor this is how
[73:29]I was raised.
[73:28]He lets go of the water, remains thirsty with his heart like
[73:36]a charcoal, fills the bag of water.
[73:39]Now he needs to get this water back to the camp of
[73:44]Hussein.
[73:46]He rides his horse going back to the bat.
[73:51]going back to the camp.
[73:56]Omar screams and yells at his men, "Prevent him!
[73:58]Stop him!
[74:00]For wall, if the water reaches Hussein, then we will never be
[74:07]able to defeat him.
[74:08]So the enemies gather all around him.
[74:11]But who dares to come near Al Abbas when his sword is
[74:16]in his right hand?
[74:17][Music] Indeed, he fights like a lion.
[74:25]He fights so bravely no one dares coming near him.
[74:27]Every person coming in his path gets killed until one of the
[74:37]enemies of Allah hides behind a palm tree.
[74:39]As Abd passes him, he strikes him over his right hand, cutting
[74:54]it off.
[74:49][Music] He picks up the sword in his left hand, not even
[75:06]worrying about his right hand, and cries.
[75:10][Music] I swear by Allah, if you cut off my right hand,
[75:38]I will continue defending my im, the grandson of the holy prophet,
[75:43]picks up the sword in his left, continues to fight bravely until
[75:50]another enemy of Allah hides behind behind another palm tree.
[75:54]As Abul Abbas passes him, he strikes him over his left hand,
[76:00]cutting it off as well.
[76:04][Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh myself, don't be afraid of the enemies of
[76:34]Allah.
[76:35]Oh my Lord, they cut off my left hand, burned them in
[76:40]the hellfire.
[76:41]Now that Abul Abbas did not have his right nor his left,
[76:50]the bag of waters on his chest.
[76:56]The flag of Im Hussein on his back.
[76:59]Now the enemies surround him from all sides, shooting him with their
[77:07]arrows.
[77:05]So when arrow hits the bag of water, spilling all the water,
[77:13]that's when he stops.
[77:14]That's when he felt the pain.
[77:19]Now I cannot take the water to Hussein.
[77:20][Music] And another arrow hits his eye.
[77:27]Another man comes with an iron pillar, strikes him over his head.
[77:35]He falls onto the ground of crying for the first time.
[77:45][Music] [Music] Come to me.
[78:01]Brothers and sisters, when people fall, usually they stop their fall with
[78:10]their hands.
[78:07]But Abu Father did not have her.
[78:16]He fell right on his face.
[78:21]Im Hussein comes as he comes.
[78:36]He sees his right hand on one side, his left hand on
[78:47]another side, an arrow in the eye.
[78:59]He cries.
[78:50][Music] Now I feel all alone in Carabell.
[79:22]Im Hussein then picks up Abul on his chest and his soul
[79:40]departs his body on the chest of Hussein.
[79:46]He goes back to the tent with his eyes full of tears.
[79:56]comes.
[79:58][Music] Where is the son of my father?
[80:07]Where is [Music] [Applause] [Music] God?
[80:34]Abas is [Music] she cried.
[80:44][Music] But there was one thing remaining.
[80:54]One thing Abbas never said goodbye to Zab.
[81:02]So on the day of Ash night when everyone kept quiet, she
[81:12]calmed everyone down.
[81:11]Now she got up.
[81:14]Where are you going, Zab?
[81:16]I am going to say my goodbyes to [Music] [Music] [Music] Hallelujah.
[81:52]And I wait.
[81:56][Music] Abas [Music] My gentleman [Music] will [Music] above My children [Music]
[83:24][Laughter] are [Music] the Holy [Music] Spirit.
[83:52][Music] [Music] [Music] Yeah.
[84:26]Yeah.
[84:27]She [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Music] All for [Music] [Music] Go.
[85:54][Music] Vietname [Music] Yeah, the rem [Music] [Music] for [Music] [Music] speech.
[87:15]foreign [Music] [Music] Hallelujah.
[88:04][Music] body.
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