Money and Marriage: When Wealth Comes Between Spouses - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

0 Bekeken· 26/03/07

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Transcript

[0:01]Please recite for all of our Alhamdulillah.

[0:51]Money is one of the most powerful forces in human nature.

[0:59]Everyone desires to have money because through wealth you can live a

[1:10]comfortable life.

[1:11]You can travel.

[1:13]You can buy all of the means of happiness.

[1:18]And therefore, everyone works to acquire wealth.

[1:26]However, we see that that very thing that we seek and we

[1:35]work for and we wish to have more of could contribute to

[1:41]our suffering.

[1:41]It contributes to our pain and it could potentially damage and destroy

[1:49]the beauty of life that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given us.

[1:56]You see for example many people they work and work and work

[2:04]for money and while they're working they end up missing out on

[2:10]very important things in life for example a healthy relationship with God

[2:15]coming to the masjid praying many people they say I cannot go

[2:21]to the masjid I cannot pray I cannot attend Friday prayer I

[2:24]cannot attend this and That's because I am working.

[2:27]Sometimes people miss out not only on that which brings them closer

[2:34]to religion but they miss out on their own family.

[2:35]You you see for example a father does not spend time with

[2:42]his children does not spend time with his wife with his family.

[2:46]Why?

[2:47]Because too busy working.

[2:47]So this is one way that the seeking of the wealth could

[2:55]be damaging.

[2:53]it could cause more damage than the happiness that it's supposed to

[3:01]bring.

[2:59]And then you see other people because they have acquired the wealth

[3:05]now they're stressed out.

[3:05]I have to invest.

[3:06]I have to make sure that there is growth.

[3:08]I have to make sure that I make more money.

[3:10]I have to make sure that I protect it.

[3:13]And it ends up causing pain and difficulties.

[3:18]And another way where people [clears throat] suffer because of their money,

[3:24]because of their wealth is on the day of judgment.

[3:25]This is something we don't really think about, but Allah subhanahu wa

[3:29]ta'ala holds us accountable.

[3:36]The hadith of Allah says, "No one will be allowed to move

[3:41]an inch on the day of judgment until they are interrogated.

[3:52]Allah will ask you about your life, about your youth, and about

[3:56]your wealth.

[3:56]How you acquired it?

[3:59]Did I acquire it in thealal way?

[4:00]And how did I spend it?

[4:02]And this is why Allah says in the Quran, know that you

[4:11]are going to be tested with two very dear things to you.

[4:17]One is your am your wealth and number two your children.

[4:20]This is the way Allah tests us.

[4:21]Allah does not test me with a difficult test.

[4:25]No, Allah test me with these simple things wealth and children.

[4:28]How do I deal with them?

[4:30]How do I raise them?

[4:30]How do I spend my money?

[4:32]How do I make my money?

[4:34]Does my life revolve around money or what?

[4:36]And we see that this is also one of the greatest challenges

[4:39]that many people deal with today.

[4:42]Today, when I do some marriage counseling sessions, when we talk to

[4:47]people that are going through problems and going through difficulties in their

[4:52]marriage, one of the top reasons that always comes up is what?

[5:00]Money.

[5:01]There's always some type of disagreement about money.

[5:03]Money has to always be brought up.

[5:05]Whenever there's a dispute, whenever there's a a marriage that's about to

[5:09]fall and reach divorce, always money is one of the top reasons.

[5:16]Either they come and they say money is the reason that we

[5:19]don't spend time with one another.

[5:21]The husband is working, the wife is working.

[5:22]We don't spend time with one another because we have to make

[5:28]money.

[5:29]Or this money is being spent in a way where there's no

[5:32]communication with one another.

[5:32]One person goes and spends all the money without having proper dialogue,

[5:37]without having a proper agreement and communication.

[5:41]Or someone comes and says for example the wife comes and says

[5:46]that my husband is not spending or we've also hear this case

[5:51]it always comes up where the husband says I need my wife

[5:54]to contribute towards the family as well.

[5:56]So you see money is a reason why there are many struggles

[6:02]when it comes to marriages and this is why it's very important

[6:05]for us to know the Islamic law today.

[6:08]A lot of people when they get married, they do all of

[6:13]the preparation and they spend so much time and they bring they

[6:17]hire someone to plan the wedding.

[6:19]They hire someone to decorate.

[6:21]They hire someone to bring the flowers and to do all of

[6:27]that stuff, but there is no time spent on knowing how to

[6:29]get married.

[6:30]They just plan the wedding, but they don't plan the marriage.

[6:35]They don't think far ahead.

[6:35]And this is why this is something it it creates problems.

[6:38]Many people they go into a marriage they don't even know what

[6:42]their responsibilities are.

[6:43]They don't know what their duties are.

[6:45]And there is a lot of finances that has to do with

[6:47]marriage.

[6:48]When you get married you have the mah and then you have

[6:52]the and then you have the rules of inheritance.

[6:55]You have the rules of spending within a marriage.

[6:56]Many people today you ask them who's whose responsibility is it to

[7:00]spend or what do you know about the mah?

[7:03]There's a lot of misconceptions.

[7:06]A lot of people don't know.

[7:07]Some people they think for example that the mahar is just in

[7:10]case there's a divorce then the husband has to come and give

[7:14]the mah.

[7:13]This is what some people think.

[7:17]Or some people they don't know how to spend and there's an

[7:20]expectation that for example if the wife is making money the husband

[7:24]says okay you have to contribute.

[7:27]If the husband has money today some people they come and they

[7:30]say you know you hear this all the time.

[7:32]I don't know they're trying to be cute or what is that

[7:36]my money is my money and his money is my money as

[7:38]well.

[7:39]You hear that sometimes is it sounds nice but is it right?

[7:44]Not necessarily.

[7:43]It goes against the rules of Islam.

[7:46]It goes against the rules of the Quran.

[7:48]So here it's very important to know the rules and the rights

[7:53]and the responsibilities.

[7:53]And this is something inshallah in this lecture we will try to

[7:57]discuss the financial aspect when it comes to marriage and when it

[8:05]comes to leading a family and dealing with the responsibilities in a

[8:10]family.

[8:11]Number one marriage begins with a contract and the contract this is

[8:16]probably the most important contract that you will sign in your life.

[8:20]This is more important than signing a contract for a job.

[8:23]More important than signing a contract for a big purchase because all

[8:27]of these things.

[8:29]You bought something, you don't want you don't like it a few

[8:31]days later, a few weeks later, what do you do?

[8:34]You go and you sell it.

[8:37]You got into a job, you don't like the job, you could

[8:38]walk away from the job.

[8:41]That's it.

[8:40]You could leave the job.

[8:43]But when it comes to a marriage, can you just simply walk

[8:46]away from the marriage?

[8:49]No.

[8:50]I know today we live in a society where it's okay.

[8:51]They come and they tell you, you know, do whatever you want

[8:54]to do.

[8:55]You want to walk away from the marriage, that's fine.

[8:57]But this is wrong.

[8:59]This is something that is unethical.

[9:01]This is something that is unislamic.

[9:03]And especially if there are children involved, it could become potentially haram

[9:07]because now because you're separating, because you're walking out on your family,

[9:14]this could end up hurting and misleading and misguiding the family and

[9:19]the children.

[9:21]So the marriage begins with a contract.

[9:24]And in Islam, there are default rules and laws, [snorts] default rights.

[9:28]There's rights for the husband, rights for the wife.

[9:32]in a default marriage meaning that you don't need to add anything.

[9:35]You don't need to stipulate anything.

[9:37]If you don't, it could be on the default rules of a

[9:40]marriage.

[9:41]However, today we live in a time where the family dynamics are

[9:45]changing.

[9:46]Today we live in a time where families are being tested.

[9:52]Families are being hit.

[9:52]50 years ago, 100 years ago, 20 years ago, there was not

[9:58]a big danger on families.

[9:59]marriages were not under risk as they are right now.

[10:05]So that means you have to tie the contract in a way

[10:07]that will protect the marriage as as strong as possible because if

[10:12]you just leave things today people they just want to get married.

[10:15]We were talking yesterday on how to find someone and how and

[10:17]the approach on the marriage.

[10:20]A lot of people that's their main focus.

[10:22]I have to struggle.

[10:22]I have to try.

[10:24]I have to make sure I secure the right person.

[10:25]And then after that they take it easy and they think that

[10:29]there, you know, no more responsibilities, no more duties.

[10:31]Well, actually the responsibilities and the duties begin AFTER YOU GOTTEN MARRIED.

[10:37]NOW YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE.

[10:40]Now you're ethically and morally and religiously responsible to take care of

[10:44]your marriage, to protect your marriage, to not lose your marriage because

[10:53]this is a divine contract that you have entered in.

[10:56]So this is why it's very important at the phase of signing

[11:03]the contract, it's very important to do whatever you can to seal

[11:09]the marriage and protect the marriage.

[11:11]Today in civil law they talk about a prenuptual agreement.

[11:15]What's a prenuptual agreement?

[11:17]Prenuptual agreement is an agreement, a contract that is signed before the

[11:22]marriage.

[11:22]Today some people, Muslims, they come and they say, "No, no, no.

[11:25]We're Muslim.

[11:26]We don't do any prenuptual agreement.

[11:28]Well, what is the katikab?

[11:29]The kathiktab itself is a prenuptual agreement.

[11:33]It's an agreement before you enter into the marriage and you have

[11:38]the right to add some stipulations.

[11:40]You have the right to add certain things when it comes to

[11:45]the marriage to protect yourself in the marriage.

[11:47]There's nothing wrong with that.

[11:50]For example, today some people they they um they think that um

[11:57]the when they do the marriage then that's it.

[12:00]They can't make any changes to it.

[12:01]No, you can make changes when it comes to for example the

[12:06]rules of divorce.

[12:05]And I tell people this when people come for when they people

[12:10]come and tell me I want to get married.

[12:11]I tell them this is the option that you have because the

[12:13]times that we're living in right now are much different from the

[12:15]times before and everyone needs to know their rights before they go

[12:22]into a marriage.

[12:21]A lady by default in Islam, a lady cannot demand divorce.

[12:29]Divorce is not in the hands of a lady.

[12:32]Divorce is in the hands of the man.

[12:34]And there's a divine wisdom in this.

[12:36]Why would Allah subhana wa ta'ala do that?

[12:39]Because Allah subhanana wa ta'ala makes marriage easy but divorce difficult.

[12:43]Not because Allah subhanana wa ta'ala wants the lady or wants people

[12:47]in the divorce to suffer but because Allah wants to protect the

[12:49]family and the integrity of the family.

[12:52]So here in some cases a lady is allowed to at the

[12:59]time of the contract not later not later at the time of

[13:05]the contract she is allowed to take power of attorney wala from

[13:08]the husband that he's giving her at the time of the marriage

[13:14]he's giving her power of attorney that she is allowed to carry

[13:16]out the divorce on his behalf.

[13:19]She does not have the independent right for divorce.

[13:20]But he gives her wakala.

[13:24]But this wala is irrevocable because it's done at the time of

[13:26]the marriage.

[13:27]It's called say for example a month into the marriage a year

[13:33]later he comes and he tells her I give you wala or

[13:34]he gives anyone wakala for the divorce he could take it back

[13:39]one hour later.

[13:38]But if it's done at the time of the marriage this is

[13:42]something that is irrevocable.

[13:42]It cannot be taken back.

[13:48]So here this in some cases it is positive in many cases

[13:51]it's not healthy because you don't want to make divorce easy but

[13:54]in some cases especially if there's abuse if there's neglect and it

[14:00]could be conditional for example if the husband is going to start

[14:04]drinking for example if the husband is going to start doing things

[14:07]that are haram then her rights will kick in and she will

[14:12]be able to carry out the divorce because she is she has

[14:14]the repres representation and she is representing him in that.

[14:20]So this is one another thing today many marriages the husband and

[14:25]the wife and by default who is the bread winner and who's

[14:29]the one who's supposed to provide for the family it's the husband

[14:33]right but today living in 2026 there are a lot of marriages

[14:36]they say no I cannot you know the the lifestyle that we're

[14:42]living right now and the way that we're living we need two

[14:45]incomes to survive and this is something that is very normal and

[14:50]this is also something that causes many problems.

[14:51]Today people they come and they say the husband is expecting the

[14:54]wife to pay towards the mortgage to pay towards the bills.

[14:59]So the husband has no right to ask the wife to contribute

[15:05]in the marriage unless it was stipulated at the time of the

[15:08]contract.

[15:09]If it was stipulated at the time of the contract where you're

[15:12]entering into a relationship, you say, "Okay, I will pay 50%, and

[15:16]you pay 50%, I will pay 70%, you contribute 30%." Is this

[15:23]something?

[15:22]I mean, it doesn't sound nice, but it's it's if it's going

[15:26]to protect the integrity of the marriage and it's going to keep

[15:29]your marriage alive, then what's wrong with it?

[15:32]You are reaching an agreement.

[15:32]Now of course this agreement could also take place after the marriage

[15:37]has has taken place where if a wife she says I want

[15:42]to contribute but a husband cannot expect the wife if she is

[15:48]giving then that's fine but today you see in many cases some

[15:50]husbands they just if the if the wife has money he thinks

[15:54]that this is his money he thinks that he has the right

[15:56]to come and take whenever he wants and however much he wants

[16:00]and that is not the case Allah subhanana wa ta'ala says in

[16:03]the Quran that you are not allowed to take unless she gives

[16:08]you permission, unless she allows you and she gives you permission then

[16:11]it's okay but today some husbands they think that it's by default

[16:13]they're right because he's the bread winner then he's allowed to come

[16:16]and take from the money of the wife so this is uh

[16:20]a very important point and this is all it could be done

[16:22]and arranged at the time of the kbiktab but today at the

[16:28]time of the kbikab they're more worried about the shoes and the

[16:30]flowers and the dress than they're worried about these type of things.

[16:34]So you know some of them they come and say yala yala

[16:35]just do the kikab really quick and let's get out of here.

[16:40]They don't even want to hear their rights.

[16:42]So this is uh something that is very important.

[16:43]Number two something that within a marriage that has to do with

[16:51]finances is the mah the mah the dowry.

[16:52]The dowry must be given by the husband to the wife.

[16:57]And this can all be given in one lump sum.

[17:03]It could all be given at once or in many cases they

[17:08]do meaning something that is be that is given at the day

[17:12]of the just something symbolic and then something else that is given

[17:19]later.

[17:17]Now here many many men and women they don't know what this

[17:27]is.

[17:27]They think that this mah is taken or it must be given

[17:30]only in case if there's a divorce.

[17:32]That's when the mah has to be given when that is not

[17:36]true.

[17:37]This is a debt.

[17:39]This is a debt that the husband is signing off on when

[17:42]he's getting married.

[17:45]So it's very important that this has to be given.

[17:47]If a man dies and he has not given his wife her

[17:52]mahar, as soon as he dies before they come and they take

[17:56]the inheritance, before they come and they divide up the assets, they

[17:58]have to come and take the mahar and give it to the

[18:00]wife because this is a debt.

[18:03]It needs to be given just as all of the debts are

[18:05]given.

[18:06]And here we have a hadith.

[18:11]We have narrations from the BAM that tell us that it's very

[18:15]important to not go very high, be very excessive when it comes

[18:19]to the mah.

[18:20]I know some people, they just really like to go overboard.

[18:22]Either they're showing off or there's some type of, you know, [snorts]

[18:29]deal arrangements that they have.

[18:30]They think it's an auction.

[18:31]For example, you know, at the time of the mahar yall, let's

[18:33]just I'm just going to keep raising.

[18:36]I'm going to keep raising raising.

[18:39]This is not healthy.

[18:39]Fatam is there a lady more honorable and greater than Fat Fatam.

[18:44]Her mah was 500 dhams or $450 dirhams.

[18:48]This was the mah of Fat something equivalent to around,500 to $2,000

[18:54]today.

[18:54]And with that it was divided into spending on the marriage and

[19:00]furnishing the home and all of that.

[19:02]This was the mah of Fatam.

[19:03]But today you see some they really go overboard and this makes

[19:09]marriages become impossible.

[19:10]It makes marriages you have to go and take a loan equity

[19:12]loan so that you could go and get married.

[19:16]This [snorts] is not right.

[19:19]I remember one time I was attending uh I was conducting a

[19:22]marriage and it was a guy it was his second marriage.

[19:26]So now he's gone through divorce.

[19:29]He's going through a midlife crisis and at the time of the

[19:32]at the time of the kbikab he just started giving very very

[19:39]high numbers throw in this house and throw in this all this

[19:42]here and there and I'm like uh are you sure this is

[19:47]this is this is something this is something that you're going to

[19:50]have to give.

[19:51]HE'S LIKE YEAH MH SAY GO AHEAD do it.

[19:53]I'm like, "Okay, I'm not going to get involved." But we did

[19:59]the tab.

[20:01]One week later, one week later, he calls me and he says,

[20:04]"Say it." She disrespected me.

[20:05]She did this.

[20:07]She did that.

[20:08]I don't want her anymore.

[20:08]I told her, he said, "I want to just break it." I

[20:12]told her, "You can't break it anymore.

[20:14]Now you have to give her all of that.

[20:16]You're putting a list.

[20:16]You're saying this and this and that.

[20:18]Now you have to come and give her all of that." HE

[20:21]SAID, "NO, I'M NOT.

[20:21]This is extortion.

[20:22]This is this and that." I told him this is what you

[20:24]signed off on.

[20:26]This is what you came and you started putting in all of

[20:31]these to impress her.

[20:31]But now you know it's a it's a loan.

[20:34]Now it's something that you have to come and give.

[20:37]So this is um when it comes to the mah when it

[20:42]comes to the finances of the mah.

[20:44]A third issue when it comes to the marriage and finances is

[20:49]the the financial support and this is due upon the husband.

[20:54]It is the obligation of the husband to provide for the family.

[21:01]Three memes, three words that begin with with the letter the place

[21:08]of living.

[21:09]This needs to be provided by the husband and the clothing.

[21:15]Clothing.

[21:15]You married a girl that likes to go to the mall and

[21:17]shop a lot.

[21:20]Tough luck.

[21:22]So, and the food.

[21:24]You married a foodie.

[21:28]Good luck.

[21:25]So, here these are these are um the obligations of the husband.

[21:33]Now, of course, there are some rules when it comes to this.

[21:37]There are some rules when it comes to this and this goes

[21:40]to the standard of living that you're living in.

[21:44]So for example, you're a middle class family.

[21:45]You live you have a middle class income.

[21:48]This is what you have to give.

[21:51]You cannot deprive your wife.

[21:52]This is what you have to provide.

[21:54]When it comes to the food, when it comes to the clothing,

[21:57]when it comes to the place of living, you have to provide

[22:01]according to that standard.

[22:02]You can't be living you're making this income, but you want to

[22:06]come and give her be very cheap.

[22:08]For example, this is u this is something that needs to be

[22:13]thought out and here it the the it has to be given.

[22:20]Now sometimes this is where problems come up where some of the

[22:23]husbands they come and they say let let her contribute.

[22:26]She wants to for example go to the restaurant, she wants to

[22:29]go to the mall, she wants to buy this and that she

[22:33]needs to contribute.

[22:32]No.

[22:32]If this is the standard of living, this is something that you

[22:37]have to contribute.

[22:38]Allah says, so if she is giving you, if she is giving

[22:50]on on her own, she says, I I I enjoy giving you.

[22:55]There are some wives, they like to give their husband, they say,

[22:58]I'm working, he's taking care, I want to give him.

[23:01]Then Allah says in the Quran, then take it.

[23:05]It's okay.

[23:07]But you cannot come and force her.

[23:08]You cannot come and pressure her on spending.

[23:11]Oh, I gave this bill then you have to give this bill.

[23:13]I spent here and you have to give there here.

[23:16]This is something that is not allowed.

[23:18]And some husbands they just because she makes money that doesn't mean

[23:22]that you do not need to provide the is still on you

[23:26]even if she's making money.

[23:26]This is one point.

[23:28]And then you have another extreme where there are some wives, they

[23:32]just want to drain the the account.

[23:33]If there's money, I have to spend.

[23:35]As long as there's money, I have to spend.

[23:38]And they walk around with their husband's credit card.

[23:41]Chuch-ching.

[23:42]And they say, "I'm going to spend.

[23:44]My money is my money and his money is my money." This

[23:49]is the motto that they live by.

[23:52]So here the um the husband has the responsibility to spend according

[23:57]to his status.

[23:57]boy, he's not required to spend more.

[23:59]You want to be someone who's at the mall every day and

[24:04]shopping every day and he's living, he's barely making the expenses.

[24:07]He's working every day.

[24:09]He's going to work and coming home and struggling to pay the

[24:12]bills and you want you just want to be going out.

[24:17]This also is not fair.

[24:17]So there it has to be an agreement.

[24:19]Now, of course, if there were some stipulations that were made at

[24:26]the time of the at the time of the kvikab, then you

[24:28]can't go around that.

[24:31]For example, she tells him, you're a you're a poor man.

[24:34]You're you're a middle class, but I have high standards.

[24:38]You have to spend on me.

[24:39]I'm telling you from now now that you're coming to get married,

[24:41]I'm telling you, if he agrees to that, then that's it.

[24:47]He agreed to that.

[24:46]So here this is um this is when it comes to the

[24:51]but the my dear brothers and sisters is the financial responsibility of

[24:56]the husband.

[24:58]But is it just always due?

[24:59]No.

[25:00]The nafaka has conditions.

[25:02]If the wife is not doing her part in the marriage in

[25:08]the relationship then she could lose out on her rights of the

[25:13]a lot of people don't know that.

[25:14]They come and they say the husband has to just give the

[25:17]but the has conditions because in the marriage there are there are

[25:22]rights for the husband and there are rights for the wife and

[25:28]scholars mention three conditions for the to be due three conditions that

[25:33]allow and make obligatory upon the husband to spend.

[25:37]Number one it must be a permanent marriage.

[25:40]If it's a temporary marriage, then the is not a responsibility unless

[25:46]it was stipulated at the time of the number two.

[25:52]This is the meaning that the wife must make herself available for

[25:58]the husband and not leave the home and make herself available for

[26:03]the husband.

[26:04]If she is not doing that part and there's no reason there's

[26:11]no justifiable reason then she will lose out on her right of

[26:14]the a lot of people don't know that a lot of people

[26:18]they come and they say my husband this and that and he's

[26:21]not providing but if she is not giving the tken and giving

[26:27]that hak that right which is the right of the husband then

[26:30]she loses out on her rights of the so this is something

[26:36]that is very important.

[26:37]Now my dear brothers and sisters when it comes to marriage and

[26:43]divorce we know that in this country the laws of Islam are

[26:48]not followed.

[26:47]The laws of the Quran are not followed.

[26:51]And sometimes you go to the judge here if there's a divorce.

[26:55]You go to the judge here and the judge is going to

[26:57]rule something that goes directly against the laws of the Quran and

[27:05]the laws of Islam.

[27:04]And there are some people they come and they say I'm going

[27:08]to take my Islamic right and I'm also going to take my

[27:10]civil rights.

[27:11]I'm going to take the right from whatever the judge comes and

[27:14]says.

[27:15]And in some cases the judges in most cases they come and

[27:21]they say half of the wealth not always not necessarily half the

[27:24]wealth of the man if the woman makes more money half of

[27:26]the wealth of the lady is going to be divided or half

[27:32]of the wealth of the man is going to be divided.

[27:35]So here this is haram.

[27:36]A lot of people don't realize that.

[27:38]A lot of people they come and they say well the judge

[27:41]came and he said you take this money.

[27:42]The judge came and said this is the this is how much

[27:48]you come and take.

[27:46]Allah says in the Quran if someone does not go by the

[27:55]rules of Allah then that means they are doing kufur that means

[27:59]they are not following the laws of Islam.

[28:02]So this is uh something that is very important.

[28:05]Another very important point and I say this because of experience.

[28:10]I say this because I hear all of these cases today.

[28:12]A lot of people they come and they say the husband and

[28:16]the wife, we have one shared account, one shared bank account.

[28:19]We have all our money together.

[28:25]Now, this is cute, but it could be problematic.

[28:27]Why?

[28:28]Because the husband, he has a responsibility to spend on the family.

[28:32]The wife does not have a responsibility to spend on the family.

[28:36]So maybe he needs to spend on the on the mess on

[28:41]the malbas on the mat.

[28:43]She does not need to spend at the end of the year.

[28:45]There's going to be rules of rules of zakat if she has

[28:49]not spent her money.

[28:49]She has not touched her money.

[28:53]She's not required to.

[28:52]She probably will have to pays and he the poor guy at

[28:56]the end of the year has nothing left in his account.

[28:58]So he might not need to pays.

[29:00]So here this are some cases where you see having a mixed

[29:08]account could become problematic.

[29:08]At the end of the day your money is your money.

[29:12]The man's money is his money and the lady's money is her

[29:14]money.

[29:14]He is not allowed to take one cent from her money and

[29:18]she is not allowed to take one cent from his money.

[29:20]And he has he has zakat ands that he needs to pay

[29:24]from his money and she also has that she needs to pay

[29:28]from her money.

[29:28]Maybe she does not have enough money.

[29:30]Hajj is not waj on her.

[29:33]So or maybe he does not have money.

[29:36]Hajj is not waj on him and Hajj becomes waj on her.

[29:37]So there are rules when it comes to having money.

[29:41]A lot of us we don't know these and we're just living

[29:47]our life without paying attention to these laws.

[29:48]Now my dear brothers and sisters the final message is that when

[29:55]it comes to when it comes to um the role of the

[29:57]spouses you have to be you cannot allow money to come in

[30:06]between the relationship.

[30:06]A lot of times you see people they come and they ruin

[30:12]a beautiful marriage because of money.

[30:13]Allah subhana wa ta'ala says you have to protect one another.

[30:21]You have to be there for one another.

[30:23]Yes, there are all of these rules and rights.

[30:23]But sometimes the husband says I give you with with all my

[30:28]heart or the wife comes and says I give you with all

[30:34]my heart.

[30:31]And many times you see when finances get in it, it becomes

[30:39]very dirty.

[30:37]It becomes very messy and it causes a lot of pain.

[30:42]and it causes a lot of difficulties.

[30:43]We should not allow that to happen.

[30:45]If Allah subhanana wa ta'ala has blessed you with a beautiful marriage,

[30:49]if Allah subhana wa ta'ala has blessed you with a family where

[30:54]you have someone that protects you, you have someone that guards you,

[30:59]guards your modesty and your chastity.

[31:02]It's not worth fighting over these silly things.

[31:04]Money, Allah subhana wa ta'ala gives you money and money goes and

[31:10]comes.

[31:11]But these bonds they stay forever.

[31:13]Do not allow these things to come in the way.

[31:14]And sometimes because of spending or buying or purchasing this or purchasing

[31:19]that, some families are destroyed.

[31:22]Some marriages they fight with one another because of something very silly.

[31:26]Now what's the big deal?

[31:27]if we didn't buy this right now or we ended up buying

[31:28]this or we ended up spending this way or that way that

[31:32]should not come in the way of a marriage because the is

[31:37]from Allah subhana wa ta'ala and if someone has that on God

[31:44]if someone truly spends on their family someone truly is generous with

[31:48]their family Allah subhana wa ta'ala will give them and there has

[31:52]to be there has to be that feeling of of being content

[31:59]with what you have.

[31:58]You know the son of Adam, the hadith says that the son

[32:03]of Adam keeps wanting more and more and more.

[32:05]I bought this, next year I want something else.

[32:06]I have this, next year I want something else.

[32:08]If I allow my life to function and my marriage to operate

[32:13]based on materialistic goods, then that means I'm I'm damaging this beautiful

[32:18]relationship that I have.

[32:21]I need to reach that point of and with money you could

[32:27]build your and you could build a very healthy marriage and because

[32:31]of money sometimes people ruin everything that they have.

[32:36]Allah subhana wa ta'ala speaks about the family of Zakaria.

[32:39]Allah says they used to Allah gave them money but they come

[32:44]and they spend it in the way of Allah instead of spending

[32:48]it over this dunya and fighting over it.

[32:51]They they they compete and they rush to do good with their

[32:54]wealth.

[32:55]Look at the im Aliat Hassan Hussein.

[32:58]They have a piece of bread and they come and they give

[33:01]it away.

[33:01]They did not fight over these materialistic things.

[33:04]And real happiness comes through finding nearness and getting closer to Allah

[33:10]subhana tala.

[33:10]I'll conclude with this hadith narrated from Imam.

[33:20]>> This hadith is narrated in Alfi.

[33:25]He says that there was a man perhaps from Benny is before

[33:31]Islam.

[33:29]This man, he was poor, but he sees in his dream someone

[33:36]speaking to him, a prophecy, and he hears someone telling him that

[33:43]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given you the option to live either

[33:49]a very wealthy life for the first half of your life and

[33:51]the second half you will be poor or you could live poor

[33:57]the first half of your life and the last half of your

[34:03]life you will live very wealthy.

[34:04]He received this prophecy and he wakes up and the Imam Alisam

[34:10]says this man what does he do?

[34:12]Who does he go tell his dream to?

[34:13]He goes and he tells his dream to his wise wife.

[34:17]His wife was very wise.

[34:18]He goes to her and he tells her this is the dream

[34:22]that I had.

[34:24]Either we live poor in the beginning and then we become rich

[34:27]or we live rich and then we become poor.

[34:30]His wife tells him let's pick the option to be rich.

[34:35]And when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gives us, we will give in

[34:41]the way of Allah.

[34:44]We will spend we will give in the and do good with

[34:45]that money that Allah subhana wa ta'ala has given us.

[34:49]And this is what he chose.

[34:52]So I don't know he goes back to the dream he has

[34:54]another dream or the prophecy and he chooses the first option to

[35:01]live wealthy and then the money started pouring in his his life

[35:05]became very wealthy.

[35:07]They started living very comfortable and with that wealth that he had

[35:11]instead of allowing the wealth to come in between his marriage and

[35:14]between his family and ruin what he has like many people do

[35:17]many people are tested with their wealth.

[35:20]This man instead of that he goes and he and his wife

[35:26]they become individuals that give philanthropists.

[35:28]They give and they help out their family.

[35:30]They help out relatives.

[35:32]They feed the poor.

[35:33]They sponsor orphans.

[35:33]They do all of these things.

[35:37]And then they reached the point, the midway point where now they're

[35:41]supposed to become rich.

[35:41]They're supposed to become poor.

[35:43]But the man did not become poor.

[35:48]Allah subhana wa ta'ala kept giving them and giving them and giving

[35:51]them.

[35:52]He hears the prophecy once again that that message comes to him

[35:56]that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala saw that you were thankful.

[35:59]So therefore Allah continued his blessings on you.

[36:03]Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Allah saw that you were thankful.

[36:10]You give in the way of Allah.

[36:12]Therefore Allah's promise is that if you give in the way of

[36:14]Allah, Allah will give you.

[36:14]And this is how families should be my dear brothers and sisters.

[36:18]A family that does not allow finances to come in the way.

[36:21]But in fact, a family that motivates one another.

[36:26]The husband reminds the wife, did you give yours?

[36:28]Did you give your zakat?

[36:30]Let's give charity.

[36:30]The wife reminds the husband, did you do this?

[36:33]Did you do that?

[36:34]If you do that, believe me, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will pour

[36:38]his blessings on your family and money will never be an issue

[36:41]because money is something that comes and goes.

[36:44]But happiness is something that could be [clears throat] taken away and

[36:48]if it's gone that's it.

[36:49]We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to help those who are struggling

[36:56]with this and give them the wisdom and the guidance that they're

[36:59]able to manage their wealth in a proper way that keeps their

[37:03]marriage alive and healthy.

[37:05]There you go to a wealth management fund, they'll teach you how

[37:08]to increase your money, but they don't teach you how to keep

[37:10]keep the happiness in the house.

[37:13]You might have a lot of money, but you're not happy.

[37:14]But when you go to the Quran, when you go to the

[37:18]teachings of the B and the prophets, they teach you how to

[37:20]live a happy life, even if you don't have very much.

[37:24]My dear brothers and sisters, let us raise our hands in dua.

[37:33]Ya.

[37:35]Ya Allah.

[37:45]For sure.

[38:15]for Ramadan.

[38:47]We ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to give victory to the m

[38:51]to those who are suffering in the Middle East right now in

[38:54]Iran and Lebanon and across the Muslim world.

[38:58]We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to defeat the injustice with his

[39:01]power and his strength and his wisdom and to give mercy to

[39:06]all of those who are in need of it.

[39:09]And we ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to have mercy on our

[39:11]our and all of your all of the of those who are

[39:17]sponsoring these programs and participating in these programs.

[39:21]We ask you all to recite before it was tomorrow we will

[39:32]begin the of we are going to be doing six nights of

[39:37]because some people started Wednesday some people started Thursday and my dear

[39:40]brothers and sisters there's nothing wrong with that you read dua these

[39:46]are the nights of Ramadan and we need that dua we benefit

[39:48]from this dua it's okay if you do three nights night or

[39:52]six nights you do more.

[39:53]There's nothing wrong with that.

[39:54]I encourage everyone to participate to come even if it's not your

[39:57]to come and to participate and read dua.

[40:00]We will read it inshallah and we will do the and inshallah

[40:06]we will have six nights of here.

[40:09]So come with come and we will have the Qurans ready and

[40:15]we will do the inshallah.

[40:16]Alhamdulillah.

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