Imam Hassan Al-Askari [a] - Choices, Chances, Change - Dr. Noor Moussawi

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In Lectures

Recorded 12/18/2015 at the WISE Academy in Dearborn Heights, MI

Transcript

[0:00]once in a monochrome Jamie and what a muscle know him about

[0:06]a character so we shot a lot today I'd like to start

[0:13]with the following question how many people have lived in a prison

[0:17]for the last 10 years in our audience inshallah nobody how many

[0:21]people have lived in a present of prison for the last five

[0:28]years anybody two years one year at hamdulillah but how many people

[0:34]in our audience have lived in a mental prison of their own

[0:39]making for the last week how many people that have lived in

[0:48]that prison are seeking a way out so I'd like for a

[0:50]minute for us to imagine and I was thinking to myself kind

[0:55]of like those Looney Toon cartoons when they take Bugs Bunny or

[0:58]someone they stick them in a prison and they pull that door

[1:02]of cell bars and then that character can't come out and they're

[1:05]knocking and they're saying give me the key of Syracuse very similarly

[1:08]each of us has a mental prison that we have created ourselves

[1:17]either we've created it or we've imagined it or sadly we don't

[1:19]have the keys or the knowledge or the tool to get out

[1:24]of it Allah subhana Honda has not ever created a problem whether

[1:28]emotional mental or social without providing us with the keys to open

[1:33]that problem and get ourselves out our job our mission in life

[1:37]is to remember allah subhan allah ta'ala and to constantly seek those

[1:44]keys because he's made it you know provided us with them our

[1:50]jihad and our struggle is to find them so as we're speaking

[1:56]of Imam Hasan Askari ina his sanam something very important to remember

[2:02]of him is that he was not in a mental prison much

[2:04]that we have these days of ourselves he was in an actual

[2:11]physical prison but he lived a very peaceful happy inner life just

[2:16]to briefly give you something historically about imam hasan askari even though

[2:21]i'm not really a big fan of history myself but i think

[2:27]it's important to briefly look at history because a lot of the

[2:30]stories that happened in the past always repeat themselves if you've noticed

[2:35]it's the same kind of stories from long ago and the shape

[2:37]on tries to deviate the Muslims and the good followers of Allah

[2:41]and of the process of end of the Imams and then they

[2:45]try to work themselves out and if you notice our life today

[2:49]is really not that much different we have lots of conflict she

[2:51]finds always in our head we're trying to get out of these

[2:53]problems that are all within our minds these are prisons that we

[2:58]create or that exists within us and they have no real physical

[3:01]bars so during the time of just really briefly of an imam

[3:08]and hadi agile Allah alehissalaam who's the father of anomaly I scary

[3:12]he had the king of the time who was a metallic kid

[3:19]he was the ambassador King and he did his best to try

[3:23]to harm and hurt in an alacrity alehissalaam father even though i

[3:30]hada alayhi salam mullum a young hey I see he can a

[3:32]Mossad behind Allah Abaddon shockula he's that most of his days worshipping

[3:36]Allah thinking Allah you know doing good deeds for Allah and at

[3:40]the same time imam al hadi alehissalaam he had many sons and

[3:47]some of them were not very good Muslims there was one who

[3:49]was joyful kabab who was actually competing with amanda's cadiz and he

[3:54]wanted the imam and he wanted to be the leader and by

[3:58]the same token in Alaska alehissalaam had other siblings that were very

[4:03]supportive very kind and loving and believed in him there was a

[4:07]her sane of 90 alehissalaam there was hema delegates and they were

[4:13]all his brothers and supported him now really briefly even his mother

[4:17]who was the wife of Nagi Island sanam her name was saline

[4:21]and they if you translate saline into English it means be passed

[4:28]something taken away from something and what she has taken away from

[4:31]her saline an imam and Heidi was describing his wife and he

[4:34]said Dunedin missoula 20 min and alpha see what I had when

[4:40]Jesse went and just what the heck was I ya hable la

[4:45]jolla ha ha già to nana husband he said his the mother

[4:47]of a mammal Iscariot she was purified and cleaned and she had

[4:51]detached and taken away from her any filth and so she was

[5:01]a pure mother for for a mammal I scurry so one might

[5:08]ask themselves ok wow is that important what does that have to

[5:12]do with anything I think as Muslims that are living in nowadays

[5:15]in 2015 it's important to remember that you know and I'm do

[5:20]not you know if your mother is a good woman always remember

[5:22]her virtues what good qualities as a lost pond kinda put in

[5:25]her how can you thank her how can you be kind to

[5:28]her and inshallah when you grow up and get to the age

[5:32]of marriage I know a lot of the audience is a little

[5:35]bit younger than the Met age as your thinking and seeking and

[5:38]finishing up your education and looking for life partners to make sure

[5:41]you're looking for a husband or wife that are pure that have

[5:44]good qualities good livable qualities could end up so that the children

[5:49]will also be pure in sha Allah because many times as young

[5:53]people we get stuck or you guys get stuck on the thought

[5:55]of my happiness I want have to be happy now with this

[5:59]person is you have to think inshallah las pronta Anna will bless

[6:02]you and give you children how is this person going to be

[6:06]a mother or father to that child now something else that I

[6:09]wanted to share was a really quick story about imam and I

[6:14]Scotty ali hassan and when he was little he was playing with

[6:16]all these friends and one time a bad newest came and he

[6:21]saw all the little children playing and laughing and in Alaska he

[6:24]was crying so he told him why are you crying you know

[6:28]did they not give you a toy that would be a natural

[6:29]reaction any of us would have you know I'm a mother and

[6:33]if I thought one of my children cry I'd say okay who

[6:34]took your Legos a filter you know get it from them but

[6:38]II mom and I said he had a very powerful response as

[6:44]a child he said to him piranha yahoo back on and hopefully

[6:48]mother he told him is your toy missing so he said to

[6:54]him yeah aneela lachlan Melanie I be whole Akana he said o

[6:57]you who have little wisdom we were created to place for allah

[7:02]who ruined by who replied her another whole Akana then why the

[7:06]were we created solely mom and I Scotty replied to him nearly

[7:12]our enemy when you're a vada we were created to seek knowledge

[7:15]and to worship Allah seek knowledge and worship Allah these two points

[7:21]are extremely important because seeking knowledge means that we're not in a

[7:26]state of mentally being stagnant a lot of the times were in

[7:31]a mental ruts we're doing the same thing over and over and

[7:33]we're not really improving we're not really growing in anything as a

[7:39]Muslim you should be strong in all endeavors in all facets of

[7:42]your life it shouldn't just be one little area you should be

[7:44]the best Muslim the best brother the best sister the best mother

[7:51]the best child the best friend the best even professionally the best

[7:55]doctor the best dentist your knowledge that you gain should be the

[7:59]best and for the best for Allah Subhan Allah sahaja for his

[8:04]state he created you and he's going to hold you accountable so

[8:07]it's important to take that responsibility in everything you know there's nothing

[8:12]wrong with even being the cleanest the nicest of course everything with

[8:16]moderation but you're you're kind of putting a goal for yourself to

[8:19]do the best you can in all areas well Holly up an

[8:24]iba ibada we were created for worship so an imam followed it

[8:28]up with the aya from the aura and he said as a

[8:31]high serum and nima rajesh khanna abitha fun hahaha system an American

[8:38]elchim a button or any nakum Elena larger own Imam a scary

[8:42]alex and i wanted to show balloon through the eye and the

[8:47]whole arm he said do you think that we were created by

[8:49]chance just have hazard lee or as many of you guys that

[8:54]are in college courses Darwinism and how we just were amoebas and

[8:59]you know developed arms and develop this massive cardiovascular system and massive

[9:05]you know nervous system and just by coincidence this all came about

[9:11]and we're here to survive and the best fit survives and everyone

[9:14]else dies off no these complex highways and systems that live within

[9:19]us I'm not created it and he didn't create it just you

[9:22]know on a whim it wasn't like oh I think I'll create

[9:24]this no I look created it so that we can ponder and

[9:28]worship them because we're accountable and to do good to use your

[9:31]senses all of them for good and for bettering veteran life in

[9:39]every way which is not an easy task because shape on will

[9:43]be there unfortunately with us in every way trying to stop us

[9:48]and play with our minds and emotions so continuing with imam and

[9:51]I Scotty is denim he was very well known for his ipod

[9:53]a very well known for his father for his cut um in

[9:57]the middle of prison he would go and help people he would

[9:59]advise you know people and help them and guide them and no

[10:04]matter what the abbasid did they tried other Kings not to go

[10:09]into any more detail but all their kings tried I mean immensely

[10:15]to send yeah well guards and you know those people to the

[10:20]prison itself to try to get to hurt the Imam and to

[10:26]torture him and so they can feel fat and miserable so when

[10:28]I was reading this the thing that came to my mind was

[10:33]you know how many times have I been in a rut and

[10:36]I just feel really down I'm not feeling well and then I

[10:39]go help someone you know most of us what we do when

[10:42]we feel down is we just kind of most remote and most

[10:49]and mope and feel self-pity and why me and I don't deserve

[10:51]this and I deserve a better life I mean even if you

[10:55]see a gold or achievement that you want someone else got it

[10:58]if you're not in the right mood shape on will go right

[11:01]in and say so what do they have that I don't well

[11:03]why'd they get this what's the big deal yeah I could have

[11:07]gone it no and he'll try to play on your emotions and

[11:09]he knows your weaknesses the shape on is very very smart but

[11:14]he's not smarter than us but he knows your weakness he knows

[11:16]your emotional little you know how they say you're only as strong

[11:21]as your weakest link he knows your weakest link and he's going

[11:24]to go on it and harp on it and harping it harp

[11:28]on it until he tries to break you your job and your

[11:30]mission in life is to for Allah's sake know your weakness and

[11:35]work on it and stay strong stay strong to the last breath

[11:37]because at the last breath he's going to come and say you're

[11:41]dying you're on your deathbed who says there's almost he'll try to

[11:45]even get to you at that last second so inshaa allah you

[11:48]know we take many many lessons from his life so as i

[11:55]said amount escamilla histon am was in a physical prison but in

[11:58]our lives and how did he not none of us are in

[12:02]a physical prison we are all free to be in our homes

[12:05]to go to school to go to university to go shopping to

[12:09]go to the mall to hang out with our friends to eat

[12:12]sleep drink happily ever after but the problem is is that we

[12:18]are unable sometimes to reach mental freedom we're in a mental prison

[12:23]of our own so some of those things that um I wanted

[12:29]to talk about some of those prisons inshallah I will not take

[12:32]up too much of your time and cover as much as I

[12:36]can but before I actually get to those prisons there's a couple

[12:39]of things I'd like to emphasize one thing is that all these

[12:45]mental prisons that we have and these mental ailments please always keep

[12:50]in your mind that you always have the choice you have the

[12:54]choice to respond in the positive responding the negative or you nothing

[12:58]at all so it is a very tricky thing that the Shaitaan

[13:04]tries to play with our minds and say a lot of people

[13:07]will say that they'll do something cut on along and then they'll

[13:10]say although the shape on made me do it you know no

[13:15]the shape on did it make you do it he put the

[13:18]fire in the gasoline really close to each other but you're the

[13:20]one that lit that fire he's not the one making these choices

[13:24]we are and also allah subhan allah ta'ala always gives us chances

[13:31]he gives us many many opportunities during the days but we just

[13:34]have to kind of be very aware and look at things from

[13:39]a different perspective so for example if someone says to you you

[13:42]know there's a bake sale and we're going to raise money for

[13:44]you know this family are some things you want to come your

[13:48]mind will think oh I'm too tired i'm too lazy I don't

[13:52]feel like it I haven't slept well I don't want you and

[13:54]you'll come up with all these excuses but if you change your

[13:56]thoughts and take know this is an opportunity to get more has

[14:02]an ax to to help someone to have a la you know

[14:07]be you know happy with me and proud of me or for

[14:08]example if your mom cuz I see a lot of mothers in

[14:12]the audience and they tell their child can you please clean up

[14:14]your room I really cannot take this it's just it's just such

[14:18]a mess and the child will just roll their eyes give us

[14:22]I I don't want to why do I have to it's not

[14:23]like anyone's coming in I'm old enough I can do this on

[14:27]my own but it's again it's a missed chance it's a missed

[14:30]opportunity from good deeds and good imma never forget the two angels

[14:36]sitting on your shoulders a lot of times my children are younger

[14:38]so i'll remind them and i'll say remember there's a angel on

[14:40]the right side and he's writing also good and an angel on

[14:44]the left side and writing all your bad deeds but somehow we

[14:46]get to like 14 15 16 and forget these are here and

[14:49]we just kind of go about our life having a good time

[14:53]and forget that every moment every day they have thick volume books

[14:57]and they're going at it right in your every thought and every

[15:02]deed so keep that in mind and change your perspective on things

[15:05]so that messy room okay yeah I don't feel like it but

[15:09]I'm pretty sure a lot i got is going to give me

[15:12]double the good rewards if i get up because one I don't

[15:13]feel like it and secondly I'm going to make my mom happy

[15:17]make her happy how many times has she made you happy when

[15:19]you were little millions of times without even batting an eye so

[15:23]that's the chance part of my speech the third part is the

[15:28]change we must make a change in our own internal prisons change

[15:32]is not easy because sometimes half the battle is to know there's

[15:38]a problem the other half is how do you change it what's

[15:40]your tools what are your skill sets never be afraid to reach

[15:43]out to an older parents and older relative who's trustworthy a friend

[15:49]a good Muslim trusted friend and say this is my problem what's

[15:52]my what's my tool and what's my skill set that I can

[15:56]solve this no one is perfect we all make mistakes but the

[15:59]hydel cup doll mattel wombourne the best of those who make mistakes

[16:02]are the ones that ask forgiveness from Allah versus I made a

[16:06]mistake in self shenanigans for everybody else yeah I don't care because

[16:10]that attitude is very easy and it's very prevalent and especially our

[16:16]society here so jumping right in and sha Allah to the first

[16:20]bar that I feel is really really big in that mental prison

[16:26]that we would like to help ourselves get out of that first

[16:30]one is communication speaking talking listening a really big part of communication

[16:35]is being able to be a good listener and not many of

[16:39]us are taught how to listen listening is a skill where you

[16:41]don't judge and you listen to the other person and try to

[16:45]understand what they're telling you versus coming up with a quick rebuttal

[16:48]and kind of slamming them with something better or smarter or more

[16:52]witty to say now allah subhana allah says in the holy quran

[16:56]waconia a body ya Ullah t here awesome initial phone I Enzo

[17:03]banal in the shape honest canada in Danny I do one mabini

[17:09]he says say to my servants that there that they should only

[17:13]say those words that are the best because chiffon will surely show

[17:21]a state of conflict and disagreement between them and shape on to

[17:27]man is a plain enemy so a lot of us for example

[17:31]we have this great relationship with our sister or a friend or

[17:35]with our spouse or with our mom or dad or child and

[17:40]that all of a sudden it just dipped rattled they say something

[17:43]mean you slam them with something meaner and the next thing you

[17:46]know you're not talking to each other so some of the things

[17:53]that you we should all remember is that shape on love sister

[17:57]up conflict and disagreement he loves to twist things and make you

[18:04]see them from a really narrow tunnel vision selfish upset view and

[18:10]what happens is that if we start to use something called blame

[18:14]we get ourselves and the opposite person that we love in a

[18:20]lot of trouble so what is blame well blame is basically when

[18:23]you dump all responsibility on the other person you get into argument

[18:28]and you go well it's your fault anyway for example let's say

[18:31]someone walks by and the dishes have been sitting in the sinks

[18:34]so one friend tells the other or one sister or mother or

[18:39]whoever they say to the other person you know what's this the

[18:42]you know the dishes of this sitting here they're stinking up the

[18:46]whole house then the other person blames the first really well who

[18:49]ate those in those dishes do you think I ate in those

[18:52]thousand dishes I had one right here you ate and all the

[18:56]others what does the other person say oh really I'm the one

[18:58]they ate all this well you're the one that's not cooking very

[19:02]nicely oh really I'm the one not cooking you're not grocery shopping

[19:05]properly boom boom boom boom and just they're going at it or

[19:11]for example let's say two sisters or two brothers you know you

[19:14]know excuse me sister number one sir number two didn't I lend

[19:20]you my sweater with the matching her job is this how I

[19:22]lent it to you is this what it looks like this is

[19:25]why I never let my siblings I'd you think the total I

[19:29]feel so bad for them so the sisters are laughing they can

[19:32]recognize then the other sister goes oh yeah well it's in a

[19:34]better condition that when you let me the other thing and look

[19:37]what you know you did to my clothes damaged it double and

[19:39]then the first one goes oh yeah and the next thing they're

[19:43]not talking to each other for a week over what you know

[19:44]1299 from H&M like really young like really what's what's the value

[19:51]or brothers you know let's get into what you guys maybe talk

[19:54]about you know I don't know guys don't do so much conflict

[19:57]but you know something that it might may happen you know no

[20:02]bro i let you my shoes you know what's this you know

[20:04]there's a hole in this thing now or you know i gave

[20:07]you my basketball and now looks like a little tennis ball and

[20:09]what you do to it I mean there's tons of things and

[20:12]then you're going at it guys are all the kind of like

[20:15]no we don't talk like that but I'm sure there's conflicts that

[20:17]happens between the boys my boys I have three boys what are

[20:21]they usually excited about mine are still younger so it's more like

[20:24]where's my Legos you took it mommy took my leg or my

[20:25]yo-yo and then they start bickering and then they are angry or

[20:30]upset okay so that's just children but it gets worse as you

[20:33]go get older so the blame shape on we'll use that car

[20:39]and his advantage like no other one person blames the other person

[20:42]blames next thing you know you're both mad weeks go by and

[20:46]you don't remember why you were mad but you remember you should

[20:48]be mad and you have to say mad at that person this

[20:53]happens to everybody so the first level is lame the second level

[20:55]what happens is that both people are angry and they freeze they

[20:57]emotionally freeze up against each other and when they freeze next thing

[21:01]you know they're now their enemies and I want you guys to

[21:05]really pay attention to this because it happens in families all the

[21:07]time as Muslims we want strong strong strong family ties sisters brothers

[21:14]mom dad husband wife children cousins everyone needs to be a really

[21:18]strong knit fabric shape on we'll get in there like little worm

[21:23]and just eat up that fabric what does he do he goes

[21:28]okay instead of these two Muslims uniting and advising and helping and

[21:32]loving each other let me pin them against each other and now

[21:36]they hate each other I forget about me and let them you

[21:37]know do the dirty work and I'm sitting there just watching and

[21:40]indeed that's what he does so first thing not to do is

[21:47]definitely do not blame that gets nowhere if you wipe up you

[21:49]know as we say if you take the other person's face and

[21:52]wipe the floor with it and you think you're fabulous you really

[21:55]didn't win that conversation you just went up to them but you

[22:02]did it help them as your Muslim fellow human being so one

[22:05]thing that we can do and that we should do is to

[22:10]lighten the mood sometimes when two people are in comp like a

[22:16]one great tool and one great solution is to use sarcasm and

[22:18]to lighten the mood and just crack a joke or be a

[22:24]little funny to try to kind of lighten things up another really

[22:28]great tool that we can use is to touch each other especially

[22:33]if like the sisters with their sisters and their brothers are the

[22:37]brothers touch is very powerful and if you say to the person

[22:39]you know what I didn't need to say that and you put

[22:43]your hand on their elbow on their a forearm or their shoulder

[22:48]you know it takes that person from being an object that you

[22:51]despise and don't like into a real tangible flesh-and-blood human being it

[22:57]just uses your emotions so applying some of the autonics rules of

[23:01]communication I'm going to read you a really quick list of things

[23:07]that you should not say and I won't pick on anyone that

[23:09]said this or can identify with this because I'm sure we all

[23:15]can first thing somethin to not say when you're kind of going

[23:17]at it and angry with each other I've had enough of this

[23:20]okay you'd never listen to me keep talking to myself and I'm

[23:26]just you know blowing up to number three you always let me

[23:28]down I can't trust you for a thing how many times have

[23:32]we said that to each other you know how many times do

[23:34]I have to repeat go clean your room go do this go

[23:40]do that how many times didn't we agree on this before I

[23:42]want you guys to take a quick analysis of how you feel

[23:47]when I'm saying these so pretend it like I'm your older sister

[23:49]or mom or sibling and I'm saying this to you and how

[23:52]do you feel when I'm going at it and talking like space

[23:56]you guys I can't take it anymore I just can't take you

[23:59]enough is enough how many times are we going to go through

[24:06]this be quiet and mind your own business what's ever that whatever

[24:10]gets under my skin like no other I'm the boss around here

[24:14]who do you think you are or just flat-out who do you

[24:19]think you are oh ok we've all said this the feeling that

[24:24]it stirs within us is this really a key I'm worthless I'm

[24:26]worth noting feelings and that's not what you want to do to

[24:31]your fellow Muslim or fellow human being that's not what all the

[24:34]prophets were sent down do you think any of the prophets or

[24:36]our holy imams went to the people and said how many times

[24:41]we have to teach you how to pray really or you know

[24:43]imagine if they said this is not how you do although what

[24:47]are you doing what what a mess you know they missing stuff

[24:49]like that or if they said you don't listen to me why

[24:53]should I tell you what the five floors of the sem are

[24:58]oh my god or if they just said you know be quiet

[24:59]and they were all gentle and kind of supportive and helpful and

[25:06]uplifted that person our natural knee-jerk reaction is to knock that person

[25:09]down a show them who's boss but we have to fight against

[25:11]that you know tendency so what are some things that we can

[25:17]say and we can implement number one when you are hurting and

[25:20]something is bothering you or let's say for example you're on the

[25:23]receiving end and you messed up you can say what can I

[25:29]do to help or how can I help you have different that

[25:35]is or when is a good time to talk about this subject

[25:39]or okay I think we need to discuss this this is really

[25:45]upsetting me or I'm concerned about the way things are going this

[25:48]project or this whatever or I'm really upset right now I can't

[25:54]talk about this I need a break I need to think about

[25:56]this and lastly I really care about you but I really can't

[26:01]talk about this right now notice in this second list all the

[26:07]sentences started with I I feel I'm upset I'm angry I'm concerned

[26:10]I want to help I want to do something you're involving yourself

[26:13]you're not attacking the other person going you are terrible you don't

[26:19]know anything I'm the one that knows that God mom what is

[26:21]this it's none of that how can I help I feel bad

[26:25]what can I do you know I'm feeling upset get away it's

[26:27]using the eye so the person in front of you is it

[26:31]defensive anymore I should find us and have a chance to split

[26:33]between the conversation and then pin the two of you against each

[26:40]other to fight and bicker so some people express themselves very well

[26:44]in words unfortunately other people do not and one really quick thing

[26:48]that I wanted to mention if you are not very verbally you

[26:51]know communicative and you're slightly verbally challenged is something you can do

[26:56]is write on a piece of paper how you feel and give

[26:59]it to that person it could be a card it could be

[27:03]a text and nowadays you know I'm really sorry and I've done

[27:05]this before you know I'll be very honest about a week ago

[27:11]I was extremely overwhelmed you know Michelle I have four little children

[27:15]a tired sleepless exhausted at the end of the week I have

[27:18]you know an hour two hours of driving through school every day

[27:23]I mean I had had it so I was speaking with a

[27:24]friend and I I kid you not everything that was in my

[27:29]mind that I wanted to say came out the opposite I mean

[27:35]the opposite I would say something like oh thank you for calling

[27:39]but time and I wanted to say I'm so happy to hear

[27:44]your voice why did it come off that way you know it

[27:45]just like you're my brain was firing all these random negative thoughts

[27:49]in words and I wanted to say you know thank you for

[27:53]helping out and it came out is this all you can help

[27:58]out with no and I had this like I would say half

[27:59]an hour conversation and it was just nonsense and you know when

[28:03]it's nonsense you know because at the end of the conversation you're

[28:06]kicking yourself going you know if I was the other person I

[28:09]wouldn't want to listen to me I don't know why I was

[28:12]sounding like that so I kept thinking shape on is going to

[28:17]drag this out it's going to make me and my friend get

[28:19]really upset for another three days five days we want and I

[28:22]thought you know what for the first time in a long time

[28:26]maybe even in my life I said you know what I'm not

[28:30]going to let shape on beat me on this so within 10

[28:32]minutes I went back to my friend and I said and my

[28:35]friend was really hurt at this time when she's like you know

[28:38]I really don't talk to you right now rightfully so I was

[28:41]I mean in the wrong but I said to her I said

[28:45]I just want to tell you one thing I said I don't

[28:49]know why I said those things and I'm really sorry and if

[28:51]i could i take all of them back I just I'm not

[28:55]excusing my behavior but I really feel bad for what I said

[28:57]and it was and I said to her it was opposite of

[29:00]everything I was feeling but it was it was the end of

[29:03]the night it really was we were like communicating at like 10

[29:05]or 11 at night so I was wiped and tired and I

[29:09]explained that so sometimes you don't necessarily have to say I'm sorry

[29:12]because I know for some people I don't have a problem saying

[29:17]it you know if I'm sorry I'm the first one that said

[29:18]hey I mess up but I learned in life there are people

[29:22]that it's hard to say i'm sorry so if you're one of

[29:26]those people find a different way because talking and communicating is an

[29:31]art it's a very smart way of speaking and you can say

[29:33]sorry without saying it you know I didn't mean to or it

[29:36]came out this way I you know I don't want to do

[29:39]that again I won't do it again for your mom your sibling

[29:41]your friend your spouse anyone so I really want us to share

[29:49]those little tips and tricks one more bar that is a mental

[29:52]prison that we kind of put for ourselves is conflict resolution so

[29:56]how many people have been in a conflict in their life in

[30:01]the audience that should be everyone raising their hands right we've all

[30:05]gotten into some conflicts and misunderstandings are right so the thing with

[30:11]when you're trying to solve a problem with a person is to

[30:14]always remember you know the first thing that comes out of our

[30:18]mouth is that while you're not perfect you hurt me too but

[30:21]we often forget we're not perfect either you know who said that

[30:23]came out of our mouth was right or was even fair so

[30:29]a few quick tips about how to solve problem number one control

[30:36]your anger it's very very easy to explode everyone can do it

[30:41]two seconds and you're like just ready to you know go at

[30:44]it the harder part and the more rewarding part is to control

[30:50]yourself and just to say wait before my tongue and my thought

[30:53]go at lightning speed and I start blurting out things I can't

[30:59]take back let me turn around and walk the other way and

[31:01]believe it or not I told my five and a half year

[31:06]old that same thing about two weeks ago he kept butting heads

[31:09]with many of the boys in the class because in his mind

[31:13]he should have been the first in mind he wants to be

[31:15]the first in this and that he would get into conflicts and

[31:19]so me and the teacher came up with something really simple but

[31:23]even our beloved prophet solo I do i do send them he

[31:27]came up with this he said if you're angry and you're standing

[31:29]sit if you're seated get lower ground yourself because it's really hard

[31:35]to get angry at someone when you're sitting low the higher up

[31:41]you are physically the more mental signals are sense that you should

[31:45]be more aggressive and you know give it to him good show

[31:47]who's left so what we told him was exactly that if you

[31:51]just feel like if I open my mouth I'm going to stop

[31:56]this person in their face I really i'm going to do something

[31:58]that I'm going to lose my mind close your lips turn around

[32:01]and walk the other way you don't even have to say a

[32:04]word and then later explained you know what I couldn't control myself

[32:08]it's not that I couldn't control this conversation at that moment shape

[32:15]on knows that anger will blind you anger will so blind you

[32:19]and all our Imam were sent and all our prophets were sent

[32:24]so that we would have crystal clear thinking when we communicate and

[32:31]not be in a state of complete blindness because even one of

[32:36]the the wives of the guardsmen that was trying to torture in

[32:40]Ali Hasan Askari alehissalaam one of the wise she was a good

[32:45]moat Nina and she turned to her husband and she said why

[32:47]heck she said how how dare you do you know what will

[32:51]happen to you if you torture a man I Scotty you know

[32:55]a little of brass is going to come down on you how

[32:57]many times have we heard our moms or brothers or sis siblings

[33:02]or friends days man this is a bad idea all of going

[33:05]to get you for this you got to stay away from this

[33:07]situate no don't think like this and anger will just blind us

[33:11]and you'll be thinking no I'm in the right I need to

[33:13]do this I need to show them that they were wrong and

[33:16]that and you know drag it out a little and ruin the

[33:18]reputation slightly and you know get at them and shave on we'll

[33:23]just keep pushing keep pushing because he knows you're angry and that

[33:27]emotion will blind you so our prophets allah i do i do

[33:32]i send them said no change your physical body States to change

[33:35]your mental states and how it's thinking and they've even done research

[33:39]studies on this in the opposite there was a really good researcher

[33:44]who she said if you're feeling down and you're not feeling very

[33:47]happy look at how your body is most of the time your

[33:53]body's collapsed your knees are kind of folded in on each other

[33:55]and you're feeling gloomy so what they did was they said okay

[33:59]if you sit up really straight and your posture as well and

[34:02]if you do it for 60 seconds only two minutes they had

[34:07]some of the people actually put their hands on their hips and

[34:10]Superman style like I can do it all of a sudden their

[34:16]mind felt happier and more alive and more vibrant well the opposite

[34:19]is true if you're down and you're upset and you're you know

[34:24]doing this the way your body is is how you're my your

[34:26]mental thinking will be so that's the first thing for when you're

[34:29]having a problem control your anger number to avoid the blaming attitude

[34:35]as we spoke number three take initiative a lot of us when

[34:40]there's a problem Vogel well it's your fault they want to put

[34:43]the blame on someone else well you did it do this well

[34:47]you didn't do that but our holy prophets and our holy imam

[34:50]said no you take the initiative what's a tiara Lena genetic and

[34:54]although has somehow wats you want otherwise that's in with stuffing saw

[34:59]do you'll be the one you'd be the one to go fix

[35:01]their relationship solve the problem it doesn't mean that you're going to

[35:06]be the one to take the responsibility if you're not in the

[35:08]fault it means that you're going to be the first one to

[35:10]build the bridge to mend the relationship to heal the other person

[35:16]to help them grow with you versus blaming them and knocking them

[35:20]down so take the initiative and I was again I'll make it

[35:23]really simple because sometimes some of these words will get in the

[35:28]way I told again my children like a couple of days ago

[35:30]I said they were both trying to speak at the same time

[35:34]and I'm looking at them like okay this person wants to talk

[35:36]and that person wants to talk who do I listen to so

[35:40]I thought to myself okay so I looked at them and said

[35:44]which one of you wants more hath enough the one that wants

[35:46]more good deeds and once the angel to write more is the

[35:50]one that's going to let their sibling talk or let their sibling

[35:53]have a turn and so immediately they both okay you could just

[35:56]go no no go ahead and they were fighting out who to

[36:00]talk first so we're not really that much different we're a lot

[36:03]taller than children but sometimes it's the same situation and the same

[36:06]issues that keep coming up so you'll be the one that you

[36:11]want that angel to write more good deeds for you and go

[36:15]and do things even if it's within the family sometimes we want

[36:18]to you know guide everybody and personally I love myself Dawa I

[36:23]love spreading its them on a very grand scale I enjoy it

[36:27]but at the same time now that I have my own family

[36:31]I guess I'm starting to think you know what all the Imam

[36:34]started within the prophets within their own families their own mom and

[36:39]dad and children and brothers so even if you're having an issue

[36:42]with your sister with your brother or your dad with your mom

[36:44]you'll be the one to go say you know mom I'm sorry

[36:48]I don't know why we had that silly argument and we were

[36:52]both saying hurtful things to each other and even if you weren't

[36:54]wrong if you say sorry Allah knows you're going to get so

[36:58]much more half an axe and paradise is under your parents feet

[37:00]especially the mother so use be the initiator you know go ahead

[37:04]be the strong one bee the brave one start that conversation versus

[37:09]kind of waiting for it to happen number four forgive and forget

[37:16]forgive and forget so a lot of people that I've encountered recently

[37:24]in my adult life some reason these people didn't show up and

[37:29]I was a teenager in your ages they waited till I was

[37:31]nice and tired and had you know children but I really have

[37:36]encountered some people that will just say I'm not going to forgive

[37:38]her period yeah I can forget what I'm not going to forgive

[37:43]her or I'm not gonna forgive him for what he did to

[37:44]me you know i have i have a big ego and he

[37:47]stepped on it I want to show him his loss and I

[37:52]just keeps thinking to myself you know well almost hondata says in

[37:55]the quran i got a boy i yes it'll logical almost upon

[37:59]us Anna who created you from head to toe and you mess

[38:02]up every day in his right don't you want you don't you

[38:07]always sit there going yet Allah forgive me forgive me I'm sorry

[38:10]I'm not going to do it again like who are you in

[38:16]comparison to this person the fifth thing also is that you should

[38:20]be patient Alyssa's in Nemea fafa buena idea whom be later he

[38:27]said the people that have patience and sabra they're the ones that

[38:32]are going to have the more edges and they were other ones

[38:36]that are going to be very happy on the day of judgment

[38:41]one last thought I'd like to leave you with is visualization sometimes

[38:44]in the heat of the battle the heat of the moment and

[38:49]blinded by your feelings it's a good idea and I'm going to

[38:55]just make the suggestion that you imagine in front of you what

[38:58]you think Jenna would really look like what you want when you

[39:03]get there and you look at it and you say this is

[39:05]all the hard work I did in life it's right here in

[39:09]front of me and I also would like to recommend thinking about

[39:14]Hellfire and thinking what that really looks like when you get there

[39:20]and you look at the people there and you say it happened

[39:22]it in now I'm not one of those what did those people

[39:27]do to earn a seat in it and by the same way

[39:32]what did the people in Jenna do to earn their seats in

[39:35]it and please please refrain from saying I don't want my seat

[39:41]in gender or not or anywhere because sometimes life will throw things

[39:46]at you and the shape on will stir the pot and you'll

[39:49]get to a point where you say I don't want anything I'm

[39:52]so fed up at that moment just say I would have been

[39:55]up in a shape on other genes i will revisit this topic

[39:58]or this issue or whatever is bothering me or hurting me later

[40:01]but refrain from saying I don't want that see in general because

[40:05]sometimes we don't know what we're saying and we don't know the

[40:10]weight of it so there's a lot more things that I had

[40:12]planned on sharing but I have run out of time inshallah everyone

[40:19]has benefited and taken some of the tools that I wanted to

[40:23]share with you guys for achieving and maintaining a shallow mental freedom

[40:28]and helping ourselves out of this mental prison just as our beloved

[40:33]email nah man destiny I think he said I'm did even though

[40:38]he lived in a real and true prison for a good seven

[40:40]years of his life and he passed at the tender age of

[40:45]29 how mashallah all of you are in the prime of your

[40:50]youth and inshallah you can take away these little tools and thank

[40:53]you so much for listening we'll set our money from last month

[40:55]earlier detective Medina and if I'm doing that a fatality

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