How to Speak to the Opposite Gender | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

29 المشاهدات· 24/03/22

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How to Speak to the Opposite Gender | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

Getting Ready for Marriage, Part 1 | Muslim Youth Connection

Program held by the Muslim Youth Connection at the Islamic Institute of America in Dearborn Heights, MI

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Transcript

[0:06]i begin in the name of the almighty god the compassionate the

[0:14]merciful the one who has created everything in utmost perfection and may

[0:19]the peace and blessings of the almighty god be upon his pure

[0:23]and beloved messenger the peak of his creation the symbol of humanity

[0:29]the holy prophet muhammad and his immaculate progeny of the bait peace

[0:42]be upon them especially the leader of our time the awaited savior

[0:51]may allah hasten his reappearance and make us all amongst the sincere

[0:59]and dedicated servants respected brothers and sisters i sincerely welcome you to

[1:10]our program this evening as we discuss a very important dimension in

[1:20]our lives and that is how do we speak to the opposite

[1:25]gender in the first half of our presentation we'll examine how to

[1:32]speak to the opposite gender in general and then in the second

[1:38]half we'll examine how we speak to the opposite gender whom we're

[1:43]interested in marriage you're getting to know someone before the engagement before

[1:50]the qatar tab what are the guidelines that we have to observe

[1:57]to make sure that we are walking a proper moral path and

[2:01]that we are respecting the laws of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so

[2:06]let's begin with the first half in general what are the islamic

[2:10]guidelines when it comes to speaking to the opposite gender we live

[2:17]in a society that makes it very difficult for us to observe

[2:21]the proper moral islamic guidelines when it comes to interacting with the

[2:29]opposite gender allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has created us with different dimensions

[2:36]and desires one of the strongest desires that allah subhanahu ta'ala has

[2:42]created in us is the desire for the opposite gender allah is

[2:47]the one who created this desire some people think this desire is

[2:52]from shaitaan if you were to ask random muslims where does this

[2:58]desire for the opposite gender come from i will guarantee you at

[3:03]least half of them will tell you it's from shaytan it's satanic

[3:07]allah is the one who created us he created our tendencies dispositions

[3:12]our qualities and all of our desires allah is the one who

[3:18]created us with those desires shaytan does not create a desire in

[3:24]you shaytaan instigates you to misuse a desire but he does not

[3:28]create that desire allah is the creator and the originator of these

[3:33]desires but he has created us with different desires in order to

[3:40]give us the opportunity to be trained in this world have you

[3:44]seen people who are seeking a new job position that's very competitive

[3:51]that's very hard but it's rewarding you get a lot of money

[3:57]from it you go through training that training makes you fit for

[4:03]the job allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in this world in dunya he's

[4:08]training us to elevate spiritually so we can better experience life after

[4:16]death so we can better experience the blessings he's given us in

[4:21]heaven in paradise life is a beautiful training and allah is your

[4:26]personal coach he's your personal trainer now you will have to go

[4:31]through difficulty no doubt about that but that difficulty is part of

[4:36]the training without that difficulty you don't really have a proper training

[4:42]that's like someone who goes and pays a top dollar for a

[4:48]personal trainer at the gym they charge a lot right how much

[4:51]do they charge does anyone know they charge a lot of money

[4:55]now imagine one day you're excited to go to the gym you've

[4:57]got a goal you want to keep fit you meet your personal

[5:03]trainer and your personal trainer tells you look i am such a

[5:07]good loving merciful personal trainer today i won't put you through any

[5:13]difficulty here i got you a pizza today and a nice movie

[5:16]let's watch would you accept that why not maybe some of you

[5:25]would why why would you not accept that you're like listen maybe

[5:28]i appreciate your good intention but that's not why i'm here i'm

[5:33]here so you make me suffer that's why i'm here because i

[5:36]have a goal i'm here for a five hour good workout i

[5:40]don't want a pizza here a pizza here defeats the purpose but

[5:46]you know my dear brothers and sisters every single day that's what

[5:50]we expect from allah allah give me that pizza a nice movie

[5:52]i don't want to go through difficulty i don't want to be

[5:54]trained that's our philosophy with allah subhanahu ta'ala allah says but i

[6:00]care about you i'm your coach i'm your personal trainer maybe you

[6:03]don't know but i do know and i want the best for

[6:09]you so part of the difficulties that we experience is to have

[6:13]these desires but these desires are not there to make us suffer

[6:16]they are there to train us and elevate us so these desires

[6:21]come from allah subhana wa and the greatest challenge in this life

[6:25]is to manage these desires properly how do i channel them how

[6:30]do i how do i manage them and allah gives us beautiful

[6:36]examples in the holy quran to teach us how do you manage

[6:41]these desires when it comes to the desire for the opposite gender

[6:45]allah subhanahu ta'ala gives us this beautiful story of prophet yusuf alayhi

[6:50]why is this so story so beautiful why does it always resonate

[6:57]with us why does it captivate our hearts because it speaks our

[7:03]reality it reflects our challenges here you had the servant of god

[7:08]whom allah had given vision allah had given him knowledge but allah

[7:14]put him to the he was very handsome very beautiful probably the

[7:18]most handsome man allah had created in that era and he ends

[7:23]up in the house of a woman who was also very beautiful

[7:27]and when he became a young man ibn abbas narrates this very

[7:33]interesting hadith he says for seven years zulekha would look at yusuf

[7:39]and he'd lower his eyes he would not look at her in

[7:47]the eye after seven years she got frustrated and by the way

[7:51]she had bought him as a slave so she felt she owned

[7:54]him he has to listen to her because his brothers sold him

[7:59]as a slave to that caravan that was going to egypt she

[8:03]told him yusuf for seven years i speak to you and you

[8:09]lower your eyes look at me let me see your beautiful eyes

[8:14]he says if you were to see my eyes three days after

[8:21]i die and i'm put in the grave you would not want

[8:27]to see them he's reminding her of the consequences he's reminding her

[8:32]of death yes in this moment you're consumed with desires but just

[8:37]think about that don't be too materialistic don't fall in love with

[8:40]a body that body will decompose one day she tells him yusuf

[8:44]but you smell so good he tells her oh if you would

[8:50]smell my corpse three day three days after i die you would

[8:52]run away from me he's describing that fate that awaits us all

[8:59]and then another interesting aspect of that predicament that he had with

[9:03]zuleika which shows you how a believer resorts to allah in these

[9:11]moments so if you're familiar with the story of prophet yusuf ali

[9:14]salam she tries to lock him in her room and she invites

[9:19]him to immorality there is one report that mentions something interesting she

[9:24]locked all the doors seven doors she locked them so he could

[9:27]not escape one report mentions something very interesting the report states that

[9:34]she was an idol worshiper so there was an idol in her

[9:37]bedroom in her room so before she invited him to immorality and

[9:42]tried to force him she took a piece of cloth like a

[9:49]she and she covered the idol prophet yusuf ali salaam asked her

[9:52]what are you doing why are you covering the idol she's like

[9:56]well you know i'm kind of ashamed embarrassed to do what i

[10:01]want to do now what i'm about to do and the idol

[10:06]is here watching so i wanted to cover the idol prophet yusuf

[10:09]said subhanallah your miserable idol you can cover it when you want

[10:16]but there is nothing that can cover my lord from seeing and

[10:18]witnessing what we do and then he runs away allah opens the

[10:25]doors for him and he manages to escape these beautiful lessons in

[10:29]the holy quran teach us how to manage our desires with the

[10:35]opposite gender how to protect our purity and chastity and so when

[10:39]it comes to the discussion of interacting with the opposite gender speaking

[10:42]to the opposite gender it's very important to my dear brothers and

[10:45]sisters that we truly figure out what does allah want from me

[10:51]not what society expects from me not what my friends tell me

[10:55]to do not what social media teaches me to do honestly between

[11:00]me and my lord allah created me i'm here on earth what

[11:05]does he really want from me how does he want me to

[11:09]interact with the opposite gender so when we discuss this very important

[11:14]point we do have a few narrations from the bait from the

[11:20]prophet sallallahu alaihi and the imams of bait that shed light on

[11:25]interacting with the opposite gender now scholars have fallen into two groups

[11:30]in understanding these hadiths the first group of scholars they are somewhat

[11:38]conservative with their understanding and then the second group of scholars let's

[11:43]say they'll they're a little bit more liberal they have a slightly

[11:46]different interpretation to these hadiths but i will share with you the

[11:49]hadiths my dear brothers and sisters you deserve to know what the

[11:54]prophet and the imams of alibaba have communicated to us the narrations

[11:57]that are attributed to them and then we'll try to understand them

[12:01]and apply them one hadith from the prophet sallallahu alaihi states that

[12:08]a woman should not speak to other than her husband or someone

[12:14]who's related to her mahram more than five words and those five

[12:21]words must be necessary this is a hadith attributed to the prophet

[12:26]sallallahu alaihi i know you're already shocked right now scholars have taken

[12:32]a hadith like this and they have two interpretations the more conservative

[12:38]scholars they take it literally that literally this is what allah wants

[12:42]for a healthy society only speak to the opposite gender who's not

[12:47]related to you if it's absolutely necessary if it's not necessary don't

[12:54]this leads to negative consequences something that's necessary speaking to let's say

[13:01]a doctor for medical purposes seeking advice from someone that you really

[13:07]trust because you really need that advice or learning it's about pursuing

[13:13]knowledge and learning something purposeful and necessary anything that's not necessary should

[13:19]be avoided the second group of scholars they say don't take five

[13:25]words literally five words it's just an expression from the prophet sallallahu

[13:30]alaihi to teach people that just realize there are boundaries only if

[13:35]something is purposeful you can discuss it with the opposite gender but

[13:39]when it becomes aimless there really is no purpose and you're just

[13:44]talking for the sake of talking that's when you might end up

[13:50]in areas that you don't want to be because these harmless conversations

[13:57]can lead to many things so always make sure that it's purposeful

[14:03]there is a reason why i'm interacting with the opposite gender and

[14:06]don't fool yourself between you and allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make sure

[14:10]that it is purposeful so this is the interpretation of the second

[14:15]group of scholars so yes we do have pretty strict guidelines when

[14:21]it comes to interacting with the opposite gender my dear brothers and

[14:27]sisters this is something well established in our hadith literature and there

[14:32]is a reason for that my dear brothers and sisters the reality

[14:36]is you can control if your heart is going to get attached

[14:46]to someone or not you can control that but once your heart

[14:52]starts to get attached to someone you're not in control anymore you

[14:58]cannot the power of the heart is so powerful where you will

[15:03]be out of loss of control but you can control the steps

[15:07]that you took towards that many people many people you know they

[15:13]they start an affair that ruins their life simply because they did

[15:19]not observe these proper guidelines it was just normal casual conversations those

[15:23]conversations began to increase and increase become more frequent more frequent and

[15:29]they were not really purposeful next thing you know one or two

[15:33]two of them are severely attached to one another and many times

[15:36]that leads to a lot of pain to a lot of suffering

[15:40]to a lot of emotional damage allah is aware of what's good

[15:47]for us and what's harmful for us so that is the general

[15:51]guideline my dear brothers and sisters when it comes to interacting with

[15:55]the opposite gender it has to be purposeful now some people will

[16:01]say what's the harm it's just a word that you're saying it's

[16:03]just a conversation even if i'm sitting chatting with the opposite gender

[16:09]as long as my intention is pure what's the harm my dear

[16:13]brothers and sisters realize allah owns us i don't own my body

[16:16]allah owns me allah owns everyone he has the greatest right over

[16:20]us allah has said that if you want to get really comfortable

[16:25]with someone be very casual with someone that someone either has to

[16:30]be a relative or there must be a marital contract your spouse

[16:34]other than that i have not authorized that this is the law

[16:39]of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala now some people will say but if

[16:44]it's something bad or immoral you know then why would the marital

[16:46]contra contract flip that so what what's the big deal about the

[16:52]marital contract it makes a big difference huge difference i'll give you

[16:56]an example if today you step into a store there's no agreement

[17:02]transaction with the store owner you pick up an item and you

[17:07]leave what is that called stealing that's theft and what are the

[17:14]consequences of stealing yeah there's severe consequences you could go to jail

[17:19]you could get fined now take that same example you go in

[17:22]the store you don't even have money on you let's say you're

[17:25]not even paying for it that day you tell the store owner

[17:29]i'm buying this product i'll bring you the money tomorrow he says

[17:34]okay now you left now what do you call this buying and

[17:39]selling it's a sale it's just it's a transaction what's the difference

[17:44]what is the difference between the two you did the same thing

[17:48]you went into a store you picked them an item and you

[17:49]left if you look at it from the outside it's the same

[17:56]exact occurrence same exact event what is it that changed over here

[18:02]yes there is an agreement in the form of a transaction that's

[18:12]the key word there is a transaction between the buyer and the

[18:16]seller because there's a transaction it becomes legal it becomes okay even

[18:22]if you don't pay for it now it's okay you'll pay for

[18:25]it tomorrow but the point is you've got a transaction my dear

[18:27]brothers and sisters when it comes to interacting with the opposite gender

[18:32]when it comes to releasing the desires that allah subhanahu ta'ala has

[18:36]created for us that marital contract is extremely important it's a transaction

[18:41]between two parties under the law of allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that's

[18:47]extremely important because that transaction comes with rights it comes with rights

[18:54]when you enter that transaction you're responsible there are rights that you

[19:00]have to observe there are rights the other side has to observe

[19:03]now you're protected by these rights in the absence of this transaction

[19:08]what are the rights today in our society something that's very common

[19:12]is for someone to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and they

[19:16]ask you what's the harm in that so what big deal no

[19:20]in the absence of that transaction what rights are protecting you emotionally

[19:26]psychologically physically you think when you say psychological and emotional words to

[19:32]someone there are no consequences today our youth our generation the teenagers

[19:37]they're free to say whatever they want to each other to express

[19:42]their emotions to one another and they don't realize the damage that

[19:45]could be done and then one of them doesn't want to continue

[19:48]okay bye you can suffer for the rest of your life i

[19:51]don't care anymore and there are no rights to protect you islam

[19:55]says no if you want to be emotionally intimate with someone there

[20:00]must be a marital contract it has to be your spouse you

[20:02]can't just do this with anyone because there are no rights to

[20:08]protect that it must be an official valid transaction so generally speaking

[20:16]when it comes to interacting with the opposite gender my dear brothers

[20:19]and sisters it must be purposeful between you and allah it's purposeful

[20:24]it's professional and there's nothing unnecessary about it just like a machine

[20:33]that does not have any unnecessary parts your conversations with the opposite

[20:39]gender should be like that every word is purposeful there's a reason

[20:44]why you're speaking and interacting and it's a good noble goal but

[20:49]when it comes to vain talk that's where the shaytan is now

[20:56]very close to you in one hadith shaytan tells prophet no i'm

[21:02]closest to the human being in three areas number one when you're

[21:07]angry and you rage you will make bad decisions number two when

[21:12]you're judging between two people you will be biased so be careful

[21:17]number three when you are privately interacting with the opposite gender this

[21:22]doesn't just include like a physical private area it also includes virtually

[21:29]interacting with the opposite gender these days we think it's okay we

[21:32]talk to one another we chat privately we sent the hearts and

[21:37]the roses and all those emojis and every few days there's a

[21:41]new emoji to capture part of our heart that is not okay

[21:46]my dear brothers and sisters even if your intention is good no

[21:49]one's doubting your intention but that is not okay if that person

[21:54]is not related to you if that person is not your spouse

[21:57]there is a limit you don't have to express unnecessary emotions because

[22:02]doing that will lead to the formation of emotions for a lot

[22:06]of people just look at examples of these incidents in society your

[22:12]intention is good but shaytan's intention is not good don't give him

[22:19]that opportunity and you never know where your heart is going to

[22:24]lead you so it's very important my dear brothers and sisters for

[22:28]us to understand this not see it as a restriction i know

[22:31]the youth they don't like this discussion come on you scholars with

[22:35]this islam and rulings and don't do this and don't do that

[22:41]you're imprisoning us with all these laws these laws are for your

[22:45]own goodness these laws are to protect you from causing harm to

[22:50]yourself and harm to others psychological harm emotional harm that's really important

[22:57]this is something that you you can't really quantify can you go

[23:00]out there in society and sue someone for that can you go

[23:04]to a judge hey my girlfriend broke my heart i would like

[23:08]to sue her for that so this doesn't happen again no one's

[23:11]going to protect you from emotional damage from psychological damage allah has

[23:17]put laws if you observe them you're much more likely to protect

[23:21]yourself and to protect everyone in society so that is the first

[23:28]dimension the second dimension that i would like to mention before we

[23:32]move on to the topic of specifically speaking to the opposite gender

[23:36]if you're interested in marriage for marriage purposes another very important point

[23:42]to mention that our hadith have clarified is joking with the opposite

[23:47]gender we live in a society where you have to be humorous

[23:53]especially with the opposite gender and you always have to break the

[23:56]eyes by joking right and it's very normal our society does not

[24:02]see any problem with it yeah that's completely okay you're showing your

[24:07]humorous personality to the opposite gender whether it's a classmate it's a

[24:12]co-worker doesn't matter who cares that's completely okay and society rewards you

[24:17]for that and encourages you to do that what is the problem

[24:22]with joking with the opposite gender any thoughts before before i mention

[24:27]to you the hadiths and some scientific data here even by the

[24:32]way i'm not talking about inappropriate jokes that's obvious even clean jokes

[24:38]being deliberately humorous with the opposite gender what's the problem with that

[24:43]yes sister in the back was did someone raise their hand yes

[24:53]it could develop emotions over time that could lead to something else

[24:58]okay so does humor have that effect okay one could be attracted

[25:06]to the opposite gender's humor what other concerns are there about that

[25:10]yes sister misinterpreting intentions okay so let's say someone is joking with

[25:17]the opposite gender normally how does that happen how are intentions misinterpreted

[25:23]could the other side for instance think the the person who made

[25:27]the joke is leading them on to something possibly so yes sometimes

[25:34]it leads to the misinterpretation of intentions and that's not good any

[25:40]other thoughts yes sister you start getting comfortable when you joke with

[25:45]others you get comfortable with them and what's the problem if you

[25:48]get comfortable with them someone will tell you okay as long as

[25:52]your intention is pure get comfortable with them so what what's the

[25:56]concern then you are pushed to take the next step yes that's

[26:04]what ends up happening many times do we have any hadiths that

[26:09]prohibit us from joking with the opposite gender yes there is one

[26:15]hadith from the prophet sallallahu alaihi in which he prohibits us from

[26:21]doing that and there is another hadith from al-imam assad was one

[26:28]of the companions of imam al-bakr he used to teach a lady

[26:33]to read the quran and learn the quran because he was educated

[26:38]by the imam so he used to teach her that abu basir

[26:42]says one day i joked with her possibly after the class i

[26:47]joked with her he doesn't say exactly what he did we don't

[26:52]know the type of the joke that he said to her or

[26:57]what some hadith indicate he made a gesture we don't know exactly

[26:59]what he did but he joked with her abu basir says right

[27:04]after that i came to see al-imam al-baqara as soon as i

[27:08]saw him out of the blue he told me abu bashir what

[27:12]did you do with that woman narrates this he says i felt

[27:18]so ashamed i covered my face with my garment the imam says

[27:23]okay you know just make sure you don't do that again so

[27:26]many scholars when you see their fatwa when they say it's haram

[27:31]to joke with the opposite gender this is one of the hadith

[27:33]which is a sahih authentic hadith that they've relied on in order

[27:37]to issue such rulings now you may be looking at this from

[27:44]the 21st century like come on you know this looks very backwards

[27:46]so what what's the big deal if you joke with the opposite

[27:52]gender as long as your intentions are pure my dear brothers and

[27:55]sisters just read the science behind humor and joking some scientists even

[28:01]say after doing all their studies about joking and humor some of

[28:05]them say the quickest way to a person's heart is through humor

[28:09]it's very effective so many studies have revealed that my dear brothers

[28:15]and sisters that when you joke in the presence of the opposite

[28:17]gender that has a quick powerful impact on them you start attracting

[28:24]their hearts feelings start to develop without you even noticing it initially

[28:30]it leads to that that's why we have so many problems in

[28:33]our society today today the rates of infidelity in the us is

[28:38]more than 40 percent and i believe me it's more than that

[28:41]these are just the official statistics not everyone admits to that over

[28:45]40 percent why there are reasons behind that one of them is

[28:51]our culture and society that tells you it's okay to get comfortable

[28:53]with the opposite gender so what it's not a big deal no

[29:00]it has consequences just be aware of these consequences when you're interacting

[29:06]with the opposite gender so these are just two very important guidelines

[29:09]i wanted to share with you as we now transition to the

[29:12]next part which is very important getting to know the opposite gender

[29:17]are their exceptions or the same guidelines apply do you have any

[29:22]questions or objections to these two guidelines if you have any objections

[29:30]please with an open heart i do welcome that i know some

[29:34]of you may not agree with this or you may find this

[29:38]problematic or it makes life impractical for you living here in the

[29:42]west any objections or any questions about these two guidelines yes sister

[29:55]okay that's a good question let's say you're in a family gathering

[30:00]you have cousins who are married and you're joking with them is

[30:04]that okay or not my dear brothers and sisters in islamic law

[30:10]cousins sisters-in-law brothers-in-law they are not mahram once the imam al-isram was

[30:21]asked by one of his companions can i sit with my wife's

[30:26]sister and you know even see her without hijab or just be

[30:30]too comfortable with her she's my sister-in-law imam says no in god's

[30:35]law you're not allowed you're not allowed to do that so he

[30:40]said to the imam then basically my wife's sister and just uh

[30:43]a woman who's a complete stranger they're the same legally the man

[30:47]said yes under law they are the same the laws of the

[30:53]opposite gender equally apply to her you have to be considerate of

[30:59]allah's law when it comes to this point same with cousins your

[31:01]cousins are not maharam to you i know in some of our

[31:03]cultures it's completely okay to hug your cousin believe me people have

[31:08]said to me people who are religious like they're committed to their

[31:11]religion say it i'm not doing something haram this is my cousin

[31:14]okay he's your cousin i appreciate that you have a good intention

[31:18]but it's not haram in god's law you cannot hug your cousin

[31:21]joking with your cousin if you're joking directly like the joke is

[31:28]aimed at that particular person that is haram but let's say you're

[31:32]in a gathering where there there are a lot of people and

[31:35]you're not directly joking at the non-mahram opposite gender if you say

[31:42]it in an open session okay you know we could say that

[31:47]you're not directly joking with the opposite gender that would be okay

[31:50]but even with those gatherings my dear brothers and sisters even with

[31:56]such gatherings be careful the only way for you to know why

[32:01]this is concerning is to see what happens it's to look at

[32:05]consequences you don't hear about everything that goes on in the community

[32:13]you don't but many times very negative consequences happened because of such

[32:17]gatherings you don't know where the shaitan is going to strike you

[32:24]my dear brothers and sisters we've heard too many stories and the

[32:29]more you hear of such stories the more you realize why allah

[32:34]subhanahu wa ta'ala has legislated these laws and that is for the

[32:39]well-being of everyone so i would still recommend for someone to be

[32:43]careful in those gatherings but as long as the joke is not

[32:48]you know aimed at that particular person if it's just you know

[32:51]in the session that would be okay generally speaking any other questions

[32:55]or any other objections i want to hear an objection come on

[32:57]no one here has an objection to anything i said you all

[33:03]agree yes brother ammo can you describe to me the exact situation

[33:24]so we can see what the ruling is what exactly is your

[33:29]fathering referred to what's what's happening at school okay is it haram

[33:37]to go to a homecoming dance with your friends just for fun

[33:41]what do you think is the ruling if you if you think

[33:49]it's haram raise your hand if you think it's halal raise your

[33:58]hand okay i don't want to put you on you on the

[34:01]spot if you have a friend who thinks it's halal raise your

[34:05]hand okay a few more hands here amu in the in islamic

[34:12]law dancing is haram that's very clear dancing is haram and going

[34:20]to see someone from the opposite gender dancing especially if there's music

[34:25]music being played that would be hara so my recommendation is to

[34:30]avoid going to such places even if there's pressure on you i

[34:32]know there will be pressure on you your friends will probably mock

[34:39]you they'll accuse you of being weird it's okay you have allah

[34:43]with you allah appreciates what you do don't go to such places

[34:47]because such places i'll ask you a question you know imam salaam

[34:52]gives us a beautiful internal compass to sometimes figure out what's halal

[35:01]and now i'm just modifying the example now i would ask you

[35:04]amu in that homecoming downs dance do you think right if someone

[35:10]were to theoretically ask you this question do you think there are

[35:14]angels present there or more shayat lim there which one would you

[35:22]say forget halal right now shaytan okay why why is that the

[35:27]case there's a lot of music there's inappropriate dancing there's inappropriate dress

[35:34]you think all those people are dressed appropriately many times not so

[35:40]you have the answer there if you're ever stuck in a situation

[35:43]is this good or bad is this halal or haram just ask

[35:47]yourself do you think honestly there's angels there or there's shayateen there

[35:51]that will give you the answer yes brother so you're not participating

[36:04]in the dance or in the activities can you just chill there

[36:07]on the side okay what would make it haram if you're not

[36:15]participating or doing anything number one going to such a place is

[36:20]a way of supporting that activity if you're not okay with an

[36:27]activity you don't show up to a place socially that's how people

[36:30]see it if i were to see you i mean someone in

[36:33]the community not necessarily me if someone sees you they're like okay

[36:35]he's okay with that he doesn't have a stance against that and

[36:40]supporting something that is haram is haram the holy quran states don't

[36:47]support anything that's haram don't collaborate to strengthen anything that's going to

[36:52]a place like that in one way or or another condones it

[36:55]gives it some legitimacy even if you're just on the side because

[36:59]it's it's the prom it's the homecoming dance that's the whole event

[37:03]yes if you go to a restaurant right and you're sitting on

[37:09]the table you're doing your own thing you're not drinking somebody else

[37:11]in a different corner is drinking you're not supporting that haram that

[37:16]has nothing to do with me because i'm going to the restaurant

[37:19]to eat an example like that a scenario like that would be

[37:24]okay but for you to go to a program that's about dancing

[37:26]that would be haram even if you're just on the side secondly

[37:32]secondly you think that you're going there you're not part of it

[37:38]the environment has negative energy that will impact your spirituality whenever you

[37:44]go to some place my dear brothers and sisters imagine the negative

[37:49]radiation right the spiritual radiation that's going to affect you a place

[37:55]where allah is being disobeyed why should i go there out of

[37:59]respect for allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allah is the one who has

[38:04]created you he's been so generous with you and imagine and imagine

[38:08]this i know this could be a little bit extreme or graphic

[38:13]to some of you but keep it in mind it's really helpful

[38:14]inshallah you all have a long life but imagine if you were

[38:19]there and your time came and you passed away there is that

[38:21]how you want to pass away think about it you never know

[38:25]when the angel of death is going to come definitely you don't

[38:29]want that to happen there so stay away from these places you

[38:31]never know when your time could come you never know when something

[38:36]could happen i know this is not conventional this is not what

[38:38]the school system teaches you this is not what you're he what

[38:43]you'll hear on tiktok trust me but my dear brothers and sisters

[38:46]that's the test of this life that is the trial we have

[38:50]to be more responsible with our lives to protect our purity it's

[38:55]not easy it's very difficult in fact one hadith says at the

[38:59]end of times if you want to hold on to your religion

[39:03]it will be like holding on charcoal lit with fire that's how

[39:06]difficult it will be it will be difficult but allah appreciates the

[39:11]effort that you make as long as you make the effort allah

[39:15]subhanahu wa ta'ala appreciates that let's now transition to the second part

[39:21]you're interested in someone and you want to get to know them

[39:28]better so is it okay to be comfortable with them to exchange

[39:32]emotional words to tell the other side that you love them or

[39:37]you want to be now humorous with them joke with them use

[39:39]pickup lines with them right in order to gain their interest like

[39:44]one of the brothers you know he wanted the halal pickup line

[39:48]so he went to that sister and he told her you are

[39:50]the reason why allah made hijab wajib [Laughter] can you use such

[39:58]pickup lines with the opposite gender even if your intention is to

[40:03]marry them by the way you're getting to know this person i

[40:07]hope i didn't give anyone any ideas don't use that please yes

[40:22]yes going to a swimming pool that's mixed even if it's in

[40:28]school that is not appropriate my dear brothers and sisters so inshallah

[40:31]maybe in the q a part we can further expand on that

[40:35]that is not appropriate to swim with the opposite gender is haram

[40:38]that environment is not an acceptable environment if you're in school ask

[40:42]yourself to be excused from that and you can come to us

[40:46]we'll write you a letter from an institution explaining the islamic guidelines

[40:51]and the the schools usually comply with that so now let's go

[40:54]back to this very important point you're getting to know this person

[40:57]many times before the engagement these days my dear brothers and sisters

[41:03]it's very common before the engagement the guy and the girl they're

[41:07]very comfortable with each other they go out with each other their

[41:10]intention is good no one's doubting their intention they want to get

[41:14]married right but they get very comfortable with each other according to

[41:20]islamic law is that permissible is that acceptable i would like to

[41:25]share with you a few points over here number one my dear

[41:30]brothers and sisters in the absence of that engagement the qatar tab

[41:36]the akkad in allah's law that person is still not mahra because

[41:42]they are not mahram it doesn't mean i can now be too

[41:47]comfortable with them yes you can keep the conversation strictly professional appropriate

[41:53]maybe there are some things you'd like to discuss you'd like to

[41:56]see how he or she thinks about life what is their perspective

[42:00]on certain issues there are some important questions you want to ask

[42:04]but to get too comfortable such that you're joking and you start

[42:07]crossing the boundaries that is not okay in the law of allah

[42:10]subhana wa ta'ala and that could take away the barakah and the

[42:15]blessings from your future marriage because whenever you're not in allah's obedience

[42:19]you're in the obedience of shaytaan and you allow him to interfere

[42:25]in your life i know this is difficult for many of us

[42:28]to digest believe me because we live in a society that's structured

[42:35]very differently where it's completely normal to be very comfortable with the

[42:41]opposite gender to express your your full emotions to them before the

[42:46]katbikta some people even go out they hold hands before they cut

[42:49]up yeah my intention is to get married soon i will give

[42:54]you an example to show you why this is not okay normally

[42:58]here in this country when do we have the elections which which

[43:03]which month november so let's say in november you vote for a

[43:11]mayor and that mayor wins when does the mayor take office or

[43:17]the president who wins in november one do they take office january

[43:21]right so about two months later about two months later they will

[43:27]take office now if someone were to tell you look this person

[43:31]this you know this guy he was voted he was elected as

[43:38]president he's now president-elect he's mayor elect so why don't you let

[43:43]them have those duties and have them come to the office and

[43:47]issue orders before the inauguration can they do that can someone who's

[43:53]been elected as president go and issue presidential powers before january why

[43:57]not the law does not allow it you're not officially a president

[44:03]yet you're a president-elect we respect you we even give you that

[44:08]secret service whatever protection yeah when they get elected they do give

[44:12]them presidential you know protection but you're not the president you have

[44:18]to come in on the day of inauguration you have to take

[44:21]the oath officially you become the president then you could issue your

[44:24]powers same for the mayor my dear brothers and sisters before they

[44:30]get picked up before that your before that engagement your spouses elect

[44:36]i'm inventing that term right you're not spouses yet in the law

[44:44]of allah subhana wa ta'ala so it's very important for you to

[44:47]know the guidelines i'm not telling you you can't speak to one

[44:50]another but even then keep it professional keep it purposeful you're still

[44:56]not lawful to one another you still don't have a transaction that

[44:59]will protect your rights legally and spiritually so be aware be aware

[45:06]of that many of us are not aware of that my dear

[45:10]brothers and sisters and i know this is very difficult we live

[45:12]in a society that makes it very difficult to stick to these

[45:18]points but it is possible i do know youth in our community

[45:21]who observe these guidelines alhamdulillah allah has blessed them with the most

[45:28]beautiful marriages it's not easy it's very difficult but it is manageable

[45:33]it is possible try your best for the sake of allah you'll

[45:38]see how much barakah allah subhanahu ta'ala will put in that you

[45:43]know future marriage in that relationship yes brother okay that's something we

[45:52]will examine in the upcoming weeks you know how to make sure

[45:56]that this person is compatible with you what should you look for

[45:59]so inshaallah will have an in-depth discussion on that in the upcoming

[46:04]weeks so now we're just focusing on speaking to the opposite gender

[46:07]for the sake of marriage that's the first point to keep in

[46:09]mind the second point my dear brothers and sisters there's a problem

[46:13]that we have in trying to get to know to the opposite

[46:16]gender we'll spend a lot of time a lot of youth spend

[46:23]a lot of time speaking to each other many times without the

[46:27]knowledge of their families sometimes even with the knowledge of their families

[46:30]they spent months six years a year i know cases of two

[46:36]years where they're constantly in touch with one another and they still

[46:40]have not had the engagement and then when you ask them why

[46:45]are you prolonging this you know period six months a year two

[46:50]years you're so comfortable to one with one another you're spending all

[46:53]this time speaking to each other what's the purpose behind that one

[46:57]common response that you get is that i want to get to

[47:03]know her i want to get to know him let me share

[47:07]with you some advice about that and you can just ask people

[47:10]who went through this my dear brothers and sisters when you talk

[47:13]to the opposite gender you're interested in that person that person is

[47:18]interested in you both of you become professional actors i guarantee you

[47:26]if i know someone's interested in me you think i will show

[47:31]my true personality for a lot of people for some maybe i'm

[47:35]not saying this applies to a hundred percent of the people but

[47:39]to most people this is the reality i'll put an act i'll

[47:42]show you my good side the sweet side you're not going to

[47:49]see the disturbing side of my personality or some of the other

[47:52]qualities that are not so positive and not so good and that

[47:57]is why today you see right after the engagement right after the

[48:04]wedding you have problems once a couple came for counseling just months

[48:08]after their wedding months not years months and you know what the

[48:16]guy said he told me saying she changed overnight while she changed

[48:20]overnight before the wedding she was a completely different person after the

[48:24]wedding she became a completely different person i told him look look

[48:29]nobody changes overnight humans don't just change overnight i'll tell you what

[48:34]was going on before the wedding you were acting she was acting

[48:40]you were blind you did not see that aspect now that the

[48:44]wedding has happened you moved in she's comfortable she's showing you all

[48:48]of her personality and that's what's disturbing you you are blind that's

[48:52]the problem it's not that she just changed overnight people do not

[48:56]change overnight like that and the person is shocked and i asked

[49:01]him how long have you known each other before the wedding even

[49:03]before the engagement the person said two years i said wow two

[49:10]years you've been talking to each other and you never that saw

[49:12]that side she's like no say well i never saw that sight

[49:15]obviously when you have those glasses on the love glasses you're not

[49:22]going to see that other side it's obvious it's human nature so

[49:26]my dear brothers and sisters there is no point in spending a

[49:30]lot of time talking with the opposite gender for the purpose of

[49:34]marriage the best recommendation is do your research if you've done your

[49:40]research well you've asked about this family about this person check their

[49:44]social media ask some friends who know them indirectly you don't have

[49:48]to go in yourself ask do some research if you've done proper

[49:54]research and you've come to the conclusion that this person is good

[49:58]you can give yourself some time to get to know them i

[50:02]honestly would not recommend that you spend more than two weeks maximum

[50:07]a month talking to each other if there are really pressing questions

[50:11]you need to ask them you need to see how they think

[50:14]about certain issues that will affect your future that's more than enough

[50:21]two weeks is more than enough after two weeks don't drag it

[50:24]i've seen so many cases of people who have come they're broken

[50:30]why what's the problem say it he agreed to marry me and

[50:37]we were talking for six months for a year i fell in

[50:39]love with him i fell in love with her and then they

[50:45]decided to walk away and by the way out of experience the

[50:49]more this period is dragged and drawn out the more problems happen

[50:53]before marriage and that just sets a negative platform for marriage there

[51:01]is no reason that someone usually someone to speak for too long

[51:06]now there may be some special cases i'm not saying this applies

[51:11]to every person people have different circumstances i respect that but for

[51:16]most people it's not necessary you've done your research you've allowed yourself

[51:20]to sit a few times with this person you've spoken to them

[51:23]you kind of have an understanding of their mentality of their personality

[51:28]and it seems to match the research that you've done go like

[51:31]a man through the front door and propose don't keep dragging it

[51:37]for months and months and months i know it's intimidating many guys

[51:41]tell me say it's intimidating you want me just to go and

[51:45]you know officially propose be strong be a man and they will

[51:48]appreciate that a few years ago one brother from our community he

[51:54]had this dilemma so he was interested in a sister and you

[51:56]know he had done some research everything looked well he had spoken

[52:01]to her a little bit everything was fine like what do i

[52:03]do now should i you know keep talking to her for maybe

[52:07]in the next year and then slowly we'll get the family involved

[52:09]i told him do you really want my advice he's like say

[52:13]it i'll do anything you'll tell me i trust i'm going to

[52:17]trust your advice i'm like okay if you really want my advice

[52:20]tomorrow go through the front door like a man and officially propose

[52:24]he's like are you sure i'm too intimidated to do that what

[52:28]if they reject me what if what if what if i told

[52:31]him just trust me go initially they might hesitate but when the

[52:38]father when the mother and the girl herself when they realized that

[52:43]you came respectfully and officially to propose they will respect you for

[52:48]that the parents will know you're not here to fool around because

[52:51]if you wanted to fool around you had other avenues to do

[52:56]that now that you've come respectfully to the family believe me they

[53:00]will appreciate that and that's exactly what he did the next day

[53:04]he went through the front door it was maybe a difficult conversation

[53:08]because you know the parents it takes time for them to get

[53:14]convinced but in the end they appreciated what he did so much

[53:16]they accepted and just a few months after that he invited me

[53:20]to go and do his engagement for him it does work my

[53:23]dear brothers and sisters i know that's not what hollywood teaches you

[53:26]but forget hollywood you think they know anything about life they know

[53:31]more more about the destruction of life than the building of life

[53:33]they're very good at that and you can just see the life

[53:38]of these actors mashaallah very good examples for us right i know

[53:42]this is unconventional today you learn that if you want to get

[53:46]married first of all you need years of experimentation experiment for if

[53:50]you know several years five ten years and then when you're 25

[53:53]30 and you've navigated all these waters then you can try to

[54:01]you know settle down and establish a life that's not the vision

[54:05]that allah has for us and then society tells you yes you

[54:11]need a lot of time to really get to know this person

[54:13]that is not an effective way as long as you've done your

[54:18]research properly and you've given yourself some time to speak to the

[54:21]person to see if the interest is really there leave it at

[54:26]that now some people tell me the following i will share with

[54:28]you this final very important scenario many people reach out to me

[54:33]and they told me that we are interested in marrying each other

[54:36]but we practically cannot get married now many times young young you

[54:43]know people young youth they ask me this she's you know 18

[54:49]he's 20.

[54:49]and they say our parents impossible they'll let us getting get married

[54:54]now we've tried everything they're just not convinced what do we do

[54:57]practically i will not be able to get married in the next

[55:01]four years but we love each other we'd like to stay in

[55:04]touch with each other is that okay my honest advice is if

[55:10]you cannot get married practically within the foreseeable future within the very

[55:16]immediate future cut all communication that's not healthy for you it's not

[55:21]healthy for the other side if you can't get married from now

[55:26]till four years there's no reason why you should be in touch

[55:28]during these four years four years from now when you can revisit

[55:32]the case revisit the situation you don't know how many failed relationships

[55:40]how much suffering emotional pain has happened because of situations like these

[55:46]where they're talking to each other the attachment is very strong they

[55:51]have feelings for each other three four years after three years one

[55:53]of them changes their mind do you know how often that happens

[55:57]or maybe the parents say no for whatever reason some parents you

[56:03]know they're justified some parents are illogical i agree for you know

[56:07]reasons that are not justified they reject and then they're left broken

[56:10]after all these four years of that emotional attachment now you walk

[56:14]away that breaks you sometimes for life you don't want that in

[56:20]your life my dear brothers and sisters if you cannot get married

[56:22]in the foreseeable future you don't need to stay in touch with

[56:25]each other when you can revisit it and allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

[56:31]will give you those blessings so that is my recommendation my dear

[56:35]brothers and sisters based on what we have from the hadiths and

[56:40]the legacy of bait peace be upon them i know it's very

[56:42]difficult to implement a lot of this but at least make the

[56:48]effort allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will support you and allah will put

[56:53]the barakah in your married life so now we'll open the floor

[56:57]to our q and a session if you have any questions and

[56:59]as i said if you have any objections if this doesn't make

[57:05]any sense you're opposed to this this is impractical i would like

[57:08]to hear your thoughts yes brother so how do you do that

[57:25]research one example we can learn from imam ali alayhi salam is

[57:28]the following when imam ali alayhi salaam wanted to marry umul benin

[57:31]this is after the martyrdom of lady fatima alaya salaam what did

[57:36]he do does anyone know how imam ali alayhi salaam now remember

[57:41]the imam has the knowledge from allah he can ask allah and

[57:45]allah can show him who is good for him but the imam

[57:46]is an example he wants to teach us how did he get

[57:49]to know mulbany does anyone know yes sister he went to his

[57:55]brother atel and why his brother akhil akhil at that time was

[58:03]an expert on families tribes their qualities and ancestry he was an

[58:07]expert in that so the imam goes to akira and he tells

[58:11]him you're an expert in that find me a family who has

[58:13]these qualities that i want introduce me to them and he comes

[58:19]to the imam he's like this is the best family out there

[58:22]that i know they have all these noble qualities the imam al-isram

[58:24]proposes and they accept and uml benin joins the house of amir

[58:27]al-mu'min what you learn from that is to go to an expert

[58:32]let's say there's a person you have some initial interest in them

[58:37]you want to research about them go and ask someone in the

[58:42]community who's active who's well connected with the families and tell them

[58:45]look i need your advice i am interested in this particular person

[58:49]or this family can you help me do research about this family

[58:54]i don't know much about them i don't know much about her

[58:58]but i trust you so you have to go to someone trusted

[58:59]and someone who's knowledgeable like someone who's experienced go to them and

[59:04]ask them we have many people who are active in the community

[59:09]they're well connected with so many different families it's okay to go

[59:14]to them don't feel intimidated tell them i have good intentions i've

[59:17]come to you because i know you're a trusted person in the

[59:19]community and you're well connected you're very active with a lot of

[59:23]programs you know a lot of families so can you help me

[59:29]research about this person this is one reliable way to go about

[59:32]that uh yes i saw another yes sister [Laughter] you opened pandora's

[59:47]box what about the weddings right i'll be honest a lot of

[59:53]the weddings that go on are not halal weddings i mean i

[59:56]can't sugarcoat things for you i'm responsible before allah some scholars have

[60:02]said if it's a female only gathering and there's no hara music

[60:07]the women can dance amongst themselves there are scholars who have said

[60:12]that but if it's a mixed wedding where men and women are

[60:18]present dancing is strictly haram and according to most scholars the vast

[60:22]majority of scholars even the depka yes even the depka they consider

[60:28]that as a type of dancing doing that in the up in

[60:32]the presence of the opposite gender that's haram i know in many

[60:35]warnings it's very normal the men and the woman they're dancing you

[60:39]know at the end of that wedding and the music is on

[60:42]and there's the dj there that is haram that is haram now

[60:48]someone will tell me say it but my relatives is getting married

[60:51]if i don't show up they'll take it as an insult my

[60:53]recommendation is go to that wedding show your presence congratulate them give

[61:00]them the notra the gift whatever you want to call it and

[61:03]then when that crazy part starts leave it's okay you're not forced

[61:09]to stay at the end till the end you can leave you

[61:10]can walk away until you know the party is over you can

[61:14]step back inside or just leave if you do that allah appreciates

[61:20]that my dear brothers and sisters allah truly appreciates that from you

[61:25]so yes thank you for that question that is a struggle yes

[61:28]sister okay that's a very good question if we have relatively strict

[61:50]guidelines when it comes to getting to know the opposite gender interacting

[61:54]with them how do you grow interest for someone you want to

[62:00]genuinely have interest in their personality and their character but how do

[62:05]you have the opportunity to grow that interest that's a very good

[62:11]question before i share with you my perspective let me hear from

[62:14]you what do you think the sister has asked a very good

[62:19]question it's a big challenge how do you grow interest if you

[62:24]just have to skip keep everything strictly professional yes sister okay so

[62:33]ask around see how they interact with other people would that allow

[62:39]you to grow interest in them it tells you a little bit

[62:45]more about them okay so one one key point here if you

[62:46]want to expand on it my dear brothers and sisters there's two

[62:51]types of interest in someone there's intellectual interest and there's just pure

[62:58]emotional interest the chemistry let's call it try to grow intellectual interest

[63:04]with someone that's much more stable much more long-lasting and you can

[63:11]do that through the research by observing the person you can also

[63:14]observe that person in an appropriate setting right you can observe a

[63:21]lot of people how they talk how they walk how they behave

[63:24]how they carry themselves that says a lot about a person it

[63:30]could be an official program it could be a family event it

[63:35]could be whatever even if you went to a wedding right i

[63:37]know that's not the best place but even if you're at a

[63:41]wedding and you're really interested in getting married pay attention how is

[63:45]that person behaving at that wedding it says a lot about their

[63:48]personality trust me it could be at a retreat where you're appropriately

[63:53]observing when you spend two three days in an environment you see

[63:59]someone you can get to know their personality a little bit more

[64:02]grow intellectual interests once you ask others who know them and you

[64:09]know that this person has these good qualities intellectually be interested in

[64:12]those qualities so so that is one point any other ideas this

[64:16]is a very good question what other solutions do you guys have

[64:20]yes sister no okay that's a very excellent observation here thank you

[65:00]for that any any other thoughts yes so first work on yourself

[65:32]reach that fulfillment and then you know consider that relationship yes that's

[65:36]something inshallah in the upcoming weeks we will talk about that when

[65:41]we talk about what qualities to look for it's very important that

[65:46]you yourself you have achieved an important milestone and that could even

[65:51]facilitate the idea of of you know gaining more interest any any

[65:54]other solutions look this is an important it's an important dilemma if

[65:59]if there are strict guidelines how am i going to find interest

[66:04]in that person you need that initial interest to take that next

[66:08]step right so what's the solution here no solution we're doomed yes

[66:16]brother okay so they can help in introducing one to to a

[66:38]good family let's say or to a good up you know potential

[66:40]spouse or helping you like create that interest what what can they

[66:44]help you with okay that's a very good observation absolutely that's the

[67:25]biggest challenge for our youth unfortunately we don't have halal you know

[67:30]venues programs to give them the opportunity to appropriately appropriately know the

[67:35]opposite gender i agree with you and we should do more and

[67:38]inshaallah we will if you have any ideas and if you'd like

[67:42]to collaborate we always welcome suggestions and uh you know to find

[67:48]appropriate ways for that so so yes i i do respect that

[67:49]suggestion let me ask you a question before i move on to

[67:54]two more questions inshallah before we end the discussion let me let

[67:57]me ask you this question now just to shed some light on

[68:00]what the sister asked right now look at the life of your

[68:04]parents now so we don't make it you know too personal the

[68:10]fri the parents of your friends the parents of your friends who

[68:17]maybe got to know each other the more traditional way right where

[68:22]they probably fell in love after the engagement not really so before

[68:27]look at those types of parents your friends who have such parents

[68:31]do you know any such parents who have a happy married life

[68:38]now if you do raise your hand you know friends that you

[68:42]have they have parents maybe from the older generation and they have

[68:45]a good i'm not saying the perfect married life but alhamdulillah they

[68:48]have a successful married life and it's not you know the way

[68:53]that is happening in our generation where you fall in love and

[68:56]then after that there comes the qatar tab and everything no what's

[69:00]the other way around do you know any such parents that your

[69:03]friends have raise your hands okay i see a lot of hands

[69:07]a lot of you probably know such parents now do you know

[69:13]parents that are maybe closer to your age in your generation who

[69:17]just recently got married let's say in the last five to ten

[69:22]years how many do do you know parents like that who who

[69:25]have a successful marriage now raise your hand if you know people

[69:27]like that okay i still see hands now here's the question that

[69:33]i want to ask you on average on average do you think

[69:39]your parents generation have a more successful marriage than the generation of

[69:45]youth your age getting married if you believe that your parents generation

[69:50]have a more successful marriage raise your hand oh i didn't expect

[69:58]that many hands what does that tell you and i'm telling you

[70:03]a lot of these parents it's not like they fell in love

[70:06]with each other before they get picked up there was maybe a

[70:09]little bit of interest but then they had their quest viktor they

[70:11]got married and as you all admitted alhamdulillah they have a stable

[70:16]marriage now so what does that tell you so right now i

[70:25]just did an experiment with you guys who's a good analyst here

[70:29]who can analyze that do you want to take a shot at

[70:33]it brother you're you're a good data analyst [Laughter] how would you

[70:42]explain that or what kind of conclusion can you draw different worlds

[70:48]simpler time but what does this tell you about the process of

[70:52]doing research maybe your family recommends to you someone your mother recommends

[70:57]to you someone and then you get married it's not an arranged

[71:00]marriage right it was consensual of course but it was semi-arranged meaning

[71:05]your family members told you okay this person's good go and propose

[71:09]and you did the proposal and then later allah put that love

[71:12]in your marriage what does that tell you about that part it's

[71:17]something that you should consider my dear brothers and sisters i know

[71:21]it's unconventional but believe me it works go to your mother ask

[71:26]her mother you know a lot of people in the community do

[71:28]you have any recommendations for me that's a great place to start

[71:32]i know that's not what hollywood teaches you they'll laugh at that

[71:37]you're crazy going to your mom to introduce someone to you but

[71:41]that's how your mom probably got married and most of you said

[71:48]relatively that generation has a better marriage look at it from this

[71:52]lens always analyze what's happening in the community that will give you

[72:01]a very good sense of direction so go to your mother ask

[72:04]her how did you get married how did you meet dad the

[72:07]other family members that we have the other friends from the older

[72:10]generation how did they meet each other that's a place to start

[72:15]at least that's a place to start and then do some more

[72:20]research and then you know try to have more interest developing and

[72:24]then after on allah allah says the one who's created partners from

[72:38]your own selves mates so you can find tranquility in them and

[72:48]allah wa ta'ala has put love and compassion between them and that

[72:55]is after the engagement that is the real love my dear brothers

[72:59]and sisters that allah will put in your marriage if you enter

[73:03]the marriage with an open heart with humbleness my dear brothers and

[73:07]sisters we are out of time so i know you still had

[73:11]some more questions maybe after the program i'll stay around to inshallah

[73:14]answer them but thank you for participating in our program tonight i

[73:19]would like to offer to you my condolences on the martyrdom of

[73:24]al-imam ali tonight marks the martyrdom of imam al-hadi salawatullah the tenth

[73:31]imam of ahlil bait and so i extend to you my condolences

[73:36]on this occasion we ask allah subhanahu ta'ala to grant us this

[73:39]yara and the shafa'a of al-imam al-hadiyah was

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التالي

How to Speak to the Opposite Gender | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

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التالي

How to Speak to the Opposite Gender | Sayed Mohammad Baqer Qazwini

Transcript

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استكشاف المزيد

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