26- How to Save My Marriage Discussion - Sayed Saleh Qazwini

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[0:01]Allah Muhammad [Music] [Music] Muhammad [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Allah [Music] for

[1:36][Music] [Music] ald [Music] alhamd [Music] alhamdulillah alhamd alh [Music] [Music] in

[3:00][Music] [Music] in [Music] for [Music] [Music] for what for [Music] [Music]

[5:45]alhamd alhamd alhamd [Music] [Music] [Music] alhamdulillah [Music] [Music] alhamdulillah [Music] alhamd

[7:34][Music] [Music] alhamdulillah [Music] [Music] [Music] alhamdulillah [Music] [Music] for alhamd [Music]

[9:18][Music] aldd [Music] [Music] muh [Music] for [Music] [Music] I alusin shl

[11:32]Alin muhamed [Music] Al muhamed muhamedi [Music] [Music] Allah Allah [Music] Allah

[13:58]Allah [Music] for [Music] for for [Music] for [Music] for for har

[17:57]for for for [Music] muhamad Muhammad [Music] in sh for [Music] muh

[21:40]muham um I would like to start the program tonight inah by

[21:48]um mentioning program Anonymous of Palestine and Yemen the mad family and

[21:56]Rh family for the mar and for the sh of palestin and

[22:01]Yemen let us recite alhamdulillah last T night we had a very

[22:16]successful ifar Community um at bintel um lot of people showed up

[22:22]so thank you so much on behalf of Mecca for your continuous

[22:24]support and for coming out and for always being there uh whether

[22:28]it's a community of fundraising ifar or just being in in Mecca

[22:33]uh that's truly appreciated and that's how we build a stronger Community

[22:37]inshallah as we're heading forward with the uh new project that we

[22:42]unveiled at thear um I don't want to take too much of

[22:45]your time but I just want to remind everyone of the uh

[22:49]Sal it will be inshallah on Friday we will have two prayers

[22:53]one at on um on Wednesday sorry this the the script flipped

[23:03]on me I was going to say Monday and then say it

[23:06]says no Wednesday I say can we get discount but it flipped

[23:07]on me it's not going to work it didn't work this time

[23:11]so no inshallah Wednesday uh prayer will be on Wednesday 8: a.m.

[23:15]the first one followed by 9:30 inshallah so um mark your calendars

[23:19]and flyer will go out inshallah soon so Wednesday 8: a.m.

[23:26]and uh 9:30 a.m.

[23:28]again um yeah I was thinking of KFI but that's not going

[23:32]to work this time um without further Ado I don't think we

[23:36]have any more announcements for now uh but without further Ado I

[23:39]would like to call um say our dear respected to start his

[23:45]lecture about theuh Muhammad s good job inallah the plan is to

[24:10]give a short talk and then we'll transition into a conversation so

[24:15]that inshallah we could get everyone involved in this discussion alhamd Muhammad

[25:06]the topic of marriage is always one that gets some people excited

[25:14]some people get angry some people get depressed some people get upset

[25:20]it brings mixed emotions and that's because every marriage is different some

[25:30]are struggling to get married some are tired of their marriage some

[25:39]are um finding trying to find a solution to save their marriage

[25:43]and this is one of the issues of discussion that always comes

[25:47]up and we see it with many families with many people struggling

[25:53]with their marriage marriage is a commitment marriage is entering into a

[25:59]relationship however Sometimes some people they find slowly they find that they

[26:08]are drifting away from one another and they find it strug they

[26:11]find it difficult to keep that marriage strong and to keep that

[26:14]Bond strong and there are things that a person must do in

[26:23]order to keep the marriage happy and to keep the marriage successful

[26:28]and some people when they don't do what they're supposed to do

[26:32]then you will find that there's going to be struggles there's going

[26:37]to be pain there's going to be hurt feelings maybe one person

[26:41]is happy but the other person is not happy and that's not

[26:45]how a successful relationship is supposed to be it's supposed to be

[26:49]in a way where both the husband and the wife they have

[26:52]to be happy and today we live in a time where marriage

[26:58]is a struggle you're in order to keep the marriage alive and

[27:04]keep the marriage successful it requires effort maybe you talk about the

[27:12]era of your grandparents and those who came before people used to

[27:16]get married and that's it you have the Gorilla Glue they're stuck

[27:19]with one another there's nothing that's going to take them away from

[27:24]one another except death people are stuck with one another the moment

[27:27]they get married and T and divorce and separation was seen as

[27:32]something very taboo something very unacceptable even if someone is probably feeling

[27:39]wronged in the relationship they feel unhappy in the relationship they would

[27:44]never be able to get out of it because society and social

[27:49]pressure is too strong that would force people to stay with one

[27:53]another so this is good from one aspect but it's not good

[27:57]from one aspect that people are probably unhappy maybe there's oppression maybe

[28:00]there's and that's why the religion of Islam has opened the door

[28:07]of divorce and separation even though it is Mak even though it

[28:10]is something that is disliked by Allah subhana wa tala but in

[28:15]the past there was probably no effort needed to keep a relationship

[28:19]together because that's it the moment they got married they're stuck with

[28:22]one another you have super glue Gorilla Glue whatever you want to

[28:25]call it they're stuck they can't separate from one another now are

[28:31]relationships like that no now the times have changed now in order

[28:40]to stay together you need effort because all of the pressure from

[28:45]the society from Community from work from friends from all of these

[28:50]social and other obligations that we have they're pulling spouses and couples

[28:56]away from one another and what you need to do is try

[28:58]to go against that and try to keep the relationship strong and

[29:03]keep the relationship committed so I I made a list of five

[29:10]words they all start with c's five C's easy to remember I'll

[29:16]mention those and then after that we'll open the discussion if you

[29:20]guys want to add any other C's or FS or whatever you

[29:26]want then you could feel free to to do whatever you want

[29:29]after but inshallah let's let's listen to these and consider these and

[29:33]then we will um after maybe I might have missed something maybe

[29:39]I I didn't mention something in the way that it was supposed

[29:43]to then we'll open it up so when it comes to when

[29:48]it comes to a relationship one of the first requirements or conditions

[29:55]for a healthy and successful marriage and to keep the marriage together

[30:00]and save the marriage and keeping spouses with one another and saving

[30:06]the marriage is that both the husband and the wife need to

[30:14]understand that the moment they are saying the I do they are

[30:16]doing theab they're doing the nah they're doing the marriage they're entering

[30:21]into a commitment CU we need to understand that this is a

[30:28]commitment this is an OB obligation and before it being a social

[30:31]obligation in front of the eyes of people in front of the

[30:36]family in front of other people it's an an obligation before Allah

[30:39]subhana wa tala because when you're doing the nah who's the one

[30:42]that's making you Halal upon one another it's Allah subhah wa tala

[30:48]so God is making this relationship Halal and Allah subhana wa ta'ala

[30:53]has placed rules and laws and rights and responsibilities and duties that

[30:58]are upon both the husband and the wife everyone has responsibilities and

[31:05]this is why whenever you enter into any commitment right now if

[31:10]you were to go and sign a business deal do you go

[31:13]and read what is resp what is your responsibility what is your

[31:17]duty and what are your rights of course every person does that

[31:20]but you find that many people they get into a marriage and

[31:23]they don't even know what their responsibilities are I'm not talking about

[31:27]their social responsibil ities what for example the the wedding and the

[31:32]hall and the shoes and the flowers the bouquet and all that

[31:37]stuff no I'm talking about the religious responsibility that Allah subhana tala

[31:40]has made waj upon the husband and waj upon the wife a

[31:46]lot of people don't know that that's why when people get married

[31:48]they're confused what am I supposed to do and what is the

[31:53]the other person supposed to do in this relationship how do we

[31:55]keep the balance of a healthy relationship and whenever the laws of

[32:01]God are broken then you will find that there's going to be

[32:04]problems in the marriage because Allah subhana T knows us Allah has

[32:09]created us and knows exactly what we need and how we operate

[32:16]and how we function and therefore Allah subhana T says these are

[32:19]the duties of the husband and these are the duties of the

[32:23]wife if it operates in this way then it will be successful

[32:24]if it doesn't then there will be problems that will will emerge

[32:29]so the first C is commitment we need to understand that there

[32:35]has to be commitment and before you know that there's a commitment

[32:39]before you sign up for a commitment you need to know what

[32:42]are the responsibilities and duties and responsibilities that you have some people

[32:48]they take their commitment with work very seriously which is good we're

[32:53]supposed to do that some people they take their commitment with school

[32:58]very serious seriously they take their commitment with their friends with anyone

[33:02]who has uh any responsibility they have a responsibility with that person

[33:06]they take it very seriously but they don't have they don't take

[33:12]their their commitment with their wife or with the the wife with

[33:15]the husband they don't take that seriously because after some time this

[33:20]relationship starts becoming not so important it's okay you know what I

[33:24]don't I wasn't able to fulfill my responsibilities and duties it's okay

[33:29]and they start lagging and then this is when you have a

[33:35]problem so the first C and keeping the relationship healthy and saving

[33:40]the marriage is commitment number two consistency you find often times when

[33:49]they're in their honeymoon period when they're still fiance and and getting

[33:58]to know one another they're like love birds they're very kind with

[34:02]one another they're very good with one another and then after the

[34:06]marriage it stays like that and then start slowly starts going down

[34:09]now there's no more consistency now I'm forgetting that I have a

[34:16]commitment that I have a responsibility that I have a duty and

[34:20]then they start lagging and other other um responsibilities other things are

[34:27]prioritized and when people do not know the hierarchy of responsibilities and

[34:33]social responsibilities that's when you will find problems because often times you

[34:37]have other relationships that are prioritized over the wife or over the

[34:42]husband and then you will find struggles and problems in a marriage

[34:48]so you need to be consistent you know what your responsibility is

[34:52]you had a commitment you had social ethical moral religious responsibilities that

[34:58]God Allah subhana T has placed now you need to be consistent

[35:01]with that now you need to let the whole world know that

[35:06]this is your responsibility this is your duty and this is something

[35:12]that is very important look at the look at alai the holy

[35:15]prophet was a very busy man he was the prophet he was

[35:20]the spiritual leader he was the head of state he was a

[35:22]military commander everything but when it comes to his his own responsibility

[35:27]towards his family he would fulfill his responsibilities you can't neglect your

[35:32]family because you have another job another duty this is your own

[35:36]responsibility this is something that you have signed up for and if

[35:43]you cannot handle another responsibility or you're going to take up another

[35:48]responsibility and because of taking up another responsibility you're going to end

[35:53]up having shortcomings with your first responsibility then that means you should

[35:55]not take on any other responsibilities the moment you manage to deal

[36:01]with all your responsibilities and manage to understand the hierarchy and the

[36:06]importance of the hierarchy when it comes to duties then you could

[36:11]go and take on another responsibility this is this is a major

[36:14]issue because often times we find people they're coming they're struggling they're

[36:18]like oh the husband he goes and he puts everything and then

[36:21]the wife and the family and the children they're at the end

[36:25]of the list and other times it's the other way around as

[36:27]well you find the wife she has time for her friends she

[36:31]has times to time to go to the mall she has time

[36:35]to go to do everything but then the husband he's just sitting

[36:37]at home and he has you know there's the responsibility towards the

[36:41]husband is not being taken care of so this is something that

[36:45]is very important it's a full-time responsibility marriage so that's why you

[36:48]need consistency it can't be just during the honeymoon period and then

[36:52]everything goes down after so this was the second SE the first

[36:57]was commitment second was consistency the third is probably one of the

[37:03]most important and that is communication you need to be able to

[37:07]communicate with one another the wife has to communicate and the husband

[37:14]has to be able to communicate in Good Times in difficult times

[37:17]in moments of anger whatever it is there has to always be

[37:22]a line of communication and it needs to be a respectful one

[37:24]and need needs to be one that is based on understanding and

[37:28]communication doesn't only mean I'm talking communication means I'm listening as well

[37:36]sometimes you have to listen to what the husband or the wife

[37:39]is going through what's on their mind what's bothering them what's the

[37:47]issue that is you know troubling them listen when you listen then

[37:50]you will be able to give a better answer as opposed to

[37:54]just talking some people they're like I'm good communicator and I'm just

[37:59]giving orders doesn't work that way you have to be able to

[38:02]listen and you have to be willing to listen and a a

[38:07]husband or a wife that refuses to acknowledge the emotions and the

[38:13]needs of their partner then that's that's oppression because at the end

[38:19]of the day you have two people and every single person has

[38:24]the right to express themselves maybe the right maybe the wrong but

[38:28]at least you need to have the right to express yourself you

[38:32]need to have the right to speak out you need to have

[38:36]the right to say what's on your mind and communication is very

[38:40]important and this is where you find a lot of relationships they're

[38:44]struggling because they're at different wavelengths this one is talking here this

[38:49]one is talking here they're not really seeing eye to eye with

[38:52]one another they don't know how to communicate with one another they

[38:56]don't know how to talk to one another but and and it

[38:59]requires effort sometimes it requires you to maybe you know take your

[39:02]blood pressure pill and just and and be willing to listen be

[39:08]willing to to hear out what the other person has to say

[39:11]this is uh the third C communication the fourth C is compromise

[39:20]a real relationship requires compromise at times no one said that you

[39:28]always get what you want 100 100% of the time now you're

[39:31]entering into a relationship with someone else who has legitimate needs demands

[39:36]and they're living their life especially when it comes to husband and

[39:40]wife the decisions that you make will impact the other person the

[39:46]other person will be impacted by the decision that you make it's

[39:48]not like you're your one is living here and one is there

[39:53]so because we impact one another with the decisions then therefore we

[39:56]have to be willing to listen and we have to be willing

[39:58]to sometimes give up on something it's okay it's not going to

[40:04]be the end of the world if for example you didn't get

[40:06]100% what you want and what you are asking and what you

[40:12]are demanding sometimes it's okay to give up on certain things I

[40:16]know some relationships where one person has no say whatsoever anything they

[40:22]say right away it's vetoed anything they want right away it's it's

[40:27]shut down and and this is wrong this is not ethical this

[40:30]is not moral came down came down because one of the wives

[40:39]of the Prophet because of her jealousy she did not want the

[40:49]other wife Mar I believe she gave honey to and the prophet

[40:54]was eating from that then the other wives they became jealous why

[40:58]is the prophet eating from this honey that was given by this

[41:02]lady so they come and they tell the prophet there's a foul

[41:05]smell in your mouth it's from the honey that you ate so

[41:10]because he's such a kind-hearted person in order to not hurt another

[41:16]person he says then I'm not going to eat from that honey

[41:20]so Allah subhana tala comes down with a verse in the Quran

[41:29]why do you make har what God made Halal for you in

[41:33]order to try to satisfy your wives look at the prophet look

[41:37]at how much of a even though they were in the wrong

[41:39]and she was lying she was not the the honey there was

[41:43]nothing wrong with it but look at what kind of a person

[41:48]he was where even though he knows they're wrong but he says

[41:50]okay I'm going to I don't want to I don't want to

[41:52]be the reason where I'm hurting another person and this shows you

[41:59]that a person who compromises is actually a a person who is

[42:03]the strongest one in the relationship the one who is the more

[42:10]um mentally in control and emotionally in control that they're able to

[42:14]compromise certain things in this life it's okay yes don't compromise your

[42:18]faith don't compromise Salah don't compromise your hijab don't compromise your your

[42:23]religious responsibilities for the sake of someone else I see sometimes some

[42:29]husbands they come and they tell their wife take off your hijab

[42:31]no this is not this is not a place where uh you

[42:37]should compromise because the law the priority of God comes before anything

[42:42]else but if it's for example some minor issues here and there

[42:47]personal issues that are not Haram it's not going to make a

[42:52]big deal it's okay if we teach ourselves to compromise at times

[42:56]so this was the fourth C and the fifth and final C

[43:06]is compassion Allah subhana wa taal says Allah subhana tala places the

[43:19]ma in the family in the relationship a relationship without compassion without

[43:22]love is not going to survive we are attracted Ed to compassion

[43:28]we are attracted to kindheartedness we are attracted to good words and

[43:34]if you use good words then you would be able to attract

[43:40]and you would be able to keep the relationship together and keep

[43:44]the relationship healthy and stronger but if I'm using rough words and

[43:48]I'm being difficult and I'm being rude and I'm yelling and I'm

[43:51]shouting and I always allow my emotions to overcome me then I'm

[43:58]never going to be able to achieve anything and sometimes some people

[44:03]they have legitimate needs but because they don't know how to express

[44:08]themselves with compassion because they don't know how to communicate properly their

[44:13]needs get lost because of their failure to communicate it properly their

[44:18]needs get lost because of their failure to control their emotions then

[44:22]people start lab the person gets labeled as an emotional person and

[44:27]and instead of hearing out what what they're saying that's it you

[44:30]just get labeled because you're unable to to communicate what's on your

[44:39]mind so these are the five C's that I had and inshallah

[44:42]now we want to open it up to add another letter or

[44:48]another word if there's something that you feel that's important or something

[44:53]that you feel that um should be said differently we'll we'll do

[44:57]that now insh can I get water please y who's the who's

[45:08]going to be the bravest One to begin right nowan okay do

[45:26]you want to get if you want but they'll have to come

[45:30]come up yes sister so staying silent or not or then it

[46:33]will be a problem yes so that's why I think that goes

[46:37]back to communication and being compassionate in the way that we communicate

[46:42]with one another because if we're not communicating properly yeah the other

[46:45]person were is going to say I tried to talk I tried

[46:49]I tried you didn't listen to me now I'm going to go

[46:53]silent and this is how everyone is different you know people we

[46:56]have different emotions and we have different ways of expressing some people

[46:59]they express by yelling by shouting other people but they express it

[47:02]by being quiet and when they see that they're not heard they

[47:06]just go quiet and that's probably more dangerous than to the to

[47:10]the person I mean like it causes mental health issues it causes

[47:17]suffering than someone who expresses themselves so but that's you feel bad

[47:21]for the person who's doing that because they're actually hurting themselves and

[47:26]probably no one not notices or knows about it and that's you

[47:28]know you feel more you feel worse for a person like that

[47:33]than the one who expresses themselves yes Dr no yeah so I

[48:13]think everyone has their own red line or in a relationship where

[48:17]sometimes it just doesn't it doesn't get fixed that's it um Allah

[48:24]subhana tala does not want people to stay miserable their whole life

[48:28]at the end of the day God gave you your life and

[48:33]God gave you Allah subhana you have the right the pursuit of

[48:36]happiness this is something that everyone everyone has and deserves in life

[48:40]and if you find that you cannot attain that as a result

[48:46]being with someone then marriage then divorce is halal it's allowed and

[48:52]the there was um the adopted son of the Prophet Zade Zade

[48:56]he is the only from the sahab he's the only person who's

[49:00]mentioned in the Quran she was related to the prophet the cousin

[49:08]of the prophet and he asked Zade to marry to marry Zab

[49:15]and because he loved Zade Zade was the adopted son of the

[49:18]Prophet but he's not the biological son of the Prophet told him

[49:24]marry Zab Zab she comes from benih Hashim the high ranking uh

[49:26]um she comes from the family of the prophet and this man

[49:31]was a freed slave she couldn't get along with him that's it

[49:33]can you force people to get along with one another sometimes you

[49:36]can't even Allah who's the most compassionate and he's he he he

[49:42]he he brings people together he could not do that so they

[49:46]ended up getting divorced and there's sometimes when you see that you're

[49:50]just not seeing I to ey but this I tell people when

[49:54]they come to me you know they call me they're like oh

[49:57]I I could never live with this person anymore I'm like when

[50:00]you were getting to know one another you were Habibi and all

[50:03]of that with one another now suddenly became uh it became I

[50:07]don't know who this person is they're a changed person this is

[50:11]not a changed person it's just that you were looking when when

[50:14]you were in your honeymoon period before the wedding you were looking

[50:18]with your emotions you were not able to see the reality now

[50:23]you see the reality and now you say I can't be with

[50:24]this person anymore but regardless the Quran says that when there when

[50:31]there's a problem when there's a dispute there has to be there

[50:37]has to be a judge from her side of the family and

[50:41]a judge from his side of the family that they have to

[50:46]come and try to see bring reconciled between both of them and

[50:48]bring them together and especially when you have children and when you

[50:51]have so much you you've put more together in this relationship now

[50:54]it becomes harder um to to separate it's going to hurt the

[51:01]kids it's going to hurt the family so then at that if

[51:05]if at that point it's still not working then you could you

[51:08]could um end it but as for who is the one who

[51:13]is supposed to keep the marriage together from an Islamic perspective it's

[51:17]the it's the husband that's why some you know Allah subhana tala

[51:24]has given the right of divorce to the husband the right of

[51:27]divorce div is in the hands of the husband he is the

[51:31]one who does the divorce if a lady is being abused if

[51:34]a lady is um her husband has shortcomings then she could go

[51:41]to the she could go to the jurist and then the jurist

[51:43]he's going to first come and try to see okay what's the

[51:47]husband doing that's wrong if there are certain things that he could

[51:50]fix he'll pressure him he'll tell him you have to change but

[51:53]if there are certain things that he cannot change for example this

[51:57]guy he doesn't pray he's drinking he's going out he's doing certain

[52:00]thing then the then the the uh the jurist will conduct the

[52:04]divorce now of course there's also now or some marriages if if

[52:12]a lady has the H the right of taking the power of

[52:15]attorney the at the marriage at the time of conducting the marriage

[52:22]she could ask for that right then he will give her power

[52:25]of attorney that in case ABC something happened then she also has

[52:33]the the equal level of uh conducting the divorce but generally speaking

[52:36]it's the man who he's the one who he's supposed to keep

[52:39]the family together and if you really think about it it's the

[52:43]it's the man's responsibility the the responsibility he needs to kind of

[52:48]be because Allah says it's the husband's duty to keep the family

[52:57]together and protected and safe and it's the husband's responsibility not to

[53:03]force the wife to remain in the relationship but to keep her

[53:08]happy so that she's not even asking for a divorce yes sister

[53:55]h exactly um I think that we need to kind of turn

[54:16]off the TV and stop seeing how others are living their lives

[54:23]especially non-muslims and the way that the the way that Society is

[54:25]going the direction that is going right now where things are changed

[54:29]you know now the the actual ways that the religion of Islam

[54:36]has told told us and instructed us to lead a family is

[54:38]not being operated right now it's something that is totally different so

[54:42]then when we see that we're not getting that lifestyle this fake

[54:47]imaginary lifestyle that's portrayed by Hollywood and portrayed by actors and actresses

[54:50]and all that we see that we don't have that then we

[54:55]feel upset so we need to I said you know the first

[55:00]thing we need to know your moral and ethical and religious responsibilities

[55:05]in a marriage and this is why often times people they call

[55:08]me they want to do a marriage we do what what I

[55:16]encourage is premarital counseling it's a lot um it saves you the

[55:22]headache from postmarital counseling it's a lot cheaper it doesn't cost you

[55:26]have of your you know you don't have to lose so much

[55:31]and you actually know and then you actually know the other person

[55:35]you've discussed serious issues you know sometimes people they get into a

[55:40]marriage and they don't they don't know how to deal with like

[55:45]basic questions because it's kind of like oh we're too far into

[55:48]this relationship I'm afraid I'm going to bring this up this is

[55:50]going to be like a bomb exploding I don't want to talk

[55:53]about this right now so we keep avoiding it but before you

[55:58]do the C toob put everything down we're going to talk about

[56:00]how we're going to the responsibilities in family the responsibilities with kids

[56:04]with job with career with with Masjid all of these things we're

[56:08]going to talk about it at that point if there was difference

[56:14]and and mindset difference in approach we either find a compromise or

[56:19]we say adios each one goes their own way because now it's

[56:25]going to be much easier for you then waiting until you have

[56:29]the kids and then later on addressing the serious issue that is

[56:32]um that is bringing you away from one another yes yes yeah

[57:05]she's still his wife the a lady is Remains the wife until

[57:11]the husband does the divorce and in the sh school of thought

[57:14]doing the divorce is much more difficult than the Sunni school of

[57:20]thought that's not a valid div it needs to be an Islamic

[57:26]divorce and the Islamic divorce has conditions for example a husband needs

[57:31]to tell his wife or you're divorced but this cannot be in

[57:36]the moment of anger this cannot be in moment where he does

[57:41]not have that stability and you need to have at least two

[57:45]just Witnesses you need to have two men that are meaning that

[57:51]he fasts and he prays and he this person is not someone

[57:56]who breaks the laws of Allah subhana wa tala this person would

[57:59]be they need to be able to hear it if they're not

[58:04]ad if they're not just then the divorce is not valid and

[58:08]the conditions for divorce are not easy in the sh School of

[58:11]in the Sunni School of it's a little bit easier you know

[58:16]a man is angry he tells his wife that's it she become

[58:21]three times she becomes there's meaning she becomes Haram upon him he

[58:26]can't even marry her he can't even go back back so um

[58:31]just because a legal paper right now for example the judge he

[58:34]comes and he says this is a divorce if the Islamic divorce

[58:39]has not taken place then they're still with one another yes yes

[58:55]sister so if they're living with one another it's just like for

[59:03]example they become boyfriend girlfriend now they're not married with one another

[59:09]they're just living with one another but it's a Halal relationship imagine

[59:15]that from his wife downgraded to his yes sister yes yes so

[59:48]there is a religious responsibility and then there is a moral and

[59:52]ethical responsibility which is a lower a l a lower level but

[59:57]for example it's not the responsibility of the wife to cook because

[60:02]it's the responsibility of the husband to feed the family now he

[60:07]wants to feed them from McDonald's or he wants to feed them

[60:10]from habibs or from somewhere else wherever he wants to it's his

[60:14]responsibility or he could pay the wife he could tell her listen

[60:19]I'll pay you with diamonds and gold and whatever it is cook

[60:22]the food for us because we don't know how to cook so

[60:27]um this is this is one way but um it's not her

[60:29]responsibility now if she is doing that she's doing a favor for

[60:35]the family and in most cases the woman they're doing a favor

[60:38]they're doing a favor upon the family but this is given that

[60:44]the women are not ignoring their waj responsibilities because sometimes women they're

[60:48]ignoring their waj responsibilities there's a few things that are waj they

[60:53]ignore that and they're cleaning the house cleaning the house is not

[60:58]your responsibility your responsibility is that one that is is very clear

[61:03]so focus on your responsibility and this one there could be based

[61:09]based on an agreement sometimes he used to help used to help

[61:15]yes when he talks about in the of he says she used

[61:21]to cook and clean and she used to do all of that

[61:25]but that doesn't mean that that's her waj responsibility she's going the

[61:28]extra mile to do that for the sake of the family because

[61:33]at the end of the day there needs to be some type

[61:35]of cooperation some type of work and the husband needs to be

[61:41]able to have a role inside the house and outside the house

[61:43]and the wife needs to also you know everyone needs to do

[61:48]their job so that the family could flourish and the family could

[61:52]be satisfied and happy yes Ali cooking so who's going to have

[62:07]to cook no no we're talking about ingredients for a successful relationship

[62:24]this is not from cooking you need to eat yes yes dou

[62:29]don't be shy say it positive side okay good okay alhamdulillah do

[63:03]a salaat for himall vacation yes so wife coup's vacation yeah so

[63:54]every I think everyone has their own way of maybe a vacation

[64:00]I don't I don't want I wouldn't want to use the word

[64:02]vacation because probably not everyone we we're talking about things that every

[64:07]family could have not every family could afford a vacation so I

[64:10]wouldn't consider that as a solution but I would say Harmony and

[64:16]and um and love and affection Harmony and love and affection and

[64:20]compassion it would translate into maybe you have your own your own

[64:26]vacation at home home maybe you spend quality time with one another

[64:29]at home quality time for a person to spend quality time with

[64:38]their family this is better than in the mid now this quality

[64:44]time could be in Cancun or it could be in for example

[64:47]you guys are painting in the in the in in the basement

[64:52]doing something you're it's as long as it's an activity that brings

[64:55]the family together it's something that you feel some people in vacation

[64:59]they they get stressed some people vacations become stressful they cause anxiety

[65:05]they cause so everyone operates differently but yes quality time I think

[65:10]Q is probably the word that you would want to having quality

[65:15]time with one another that is something that is key um that

[65:19]for a successful relationship yes sister let's listen to Just a second

[65:24]n yes yes um not not necessarily take care of the kids

[65:45]so even for example if a wife is feeding her child like

[65:49]nursing her child whose responsibility did we say it is to feed

[65:55]the family the husband so she could charge her husband so basically

[66:00]um she she could charge him for because she's providing for the

[66:04]family but yes it's a it's a human responsibility and now to

[66:10]the to the to the husband it's not her responsibility to feed

[66:13]the child he has to he's the one who has to bring

[66:16]it but if she wants the family the the relationship to kind

[66:21]of function usually we don't operate with this is my right and

[66:24]this is your right and this is you know it's kind of

[66:28]we kind of cross through these lines and the husband picks up

[66:30]on where the wife is not doing and the wife has to

[66:33]pick up on where the husband's not doing so you have to

[66:35]support one another that's that's the key yes sister counseling no I

[66:59]think you should go to a Muslim why should you go to

[67:03]a non-muslim and re resorting to H of anything that is against

[67:09]the laws of the Quran and against the laws of Islam is

[67:12]Haram it's Haram for us to go and seek the ad a

[67:17]non-islamic advice maybe they give me I'm not saying don't go but

[67:20]I'm saying that if I'm going to apply something in my life

[67:24]and they're telling me something that is that is against the laws

[67:27]of the Quran they I say oh because the counselor said this

[67:31]then that means it becomes okay no it doesn't become okay that's

[67:34]why we need to resort to Islamic counseling and it's not going

[67:39]to be that very much different from a non-muslim especially an accredited

[67:43]counselor what the what they're saying what they're doing but sometimes there

[67:48]might be a they might be at odds with one another and

[67:51]when they're at odds with one another I have to always go

[67:55]to the laws of God the laws of the so whether you're

[67:58]going to a scholar or you call someone you call you call

[68:00]someone who is from out of state anyone as long as they

[68:06]know the laws of Islam and they need to be theak and

[68:09]there's a verse in the Quran it says whoever resorts to the

[68:12]of something that is against what God has brought down then this

[68:19]is Haram yes what do you mean I mean you're you can

[68:36]you can go to get the official divorce from the city from

[68:39]the clerk or the judge but the counseling the one who's trying

[68:45]to bring mend and and bring people together try to go to

[68:51]a Muslim counselor yes yes sister Maya mashallah mashallah yeah very good

[69:35]learning the Love Languages and communication how to communicate with one another

[69:41]because maybe I like to I like something is different for me

[69:44]than it is for my for my wife so we have to

[69:48]kind of know what are the needs of each person and the

[69:50]relationship yes sister money yes after me not thank you thank you

[71:31]I love thank you sister thank you thank you tell people iwhere

[72:27]thank you sister inshallah we'll continue let's finish this program and then

[72:31]we'll talk after this about this inshallah thank you sister thank you

[72:37]thank you sister okay does anyone have anything else we want to

[72:50]end on a have good note yes Ahmed tell us about your

[72:54]marriage future marriage future caring good job good job sister yes P

[73:24]patience all for respect two good ones patience and respect Y what

[73:33]else that's PR yes what else anyone else any other letters how

[73:43]about P for prayer praying with with one another and for one

[73:54]another turning to Allah doing Dua praying to Allah subhana wa tala

[74:00]yes sister mashallah masallah First Years until he said that it is

[75:04]yes so did things change after he said that mashallah yes so

[75:23]the Quran turning to the Quran the laws of the Quran and

[75:28]the laws of Islam and that's I think that's the solution it

[75:30]will give us the keys to happiness in this life and in

[75:36]the afterlife yes inallah you will be one day H for honesty

[75:45]being honest yes and honesty doesn't mean necessarily mean that you're always

[75:50]saying the good things maybe sometimes you have to kind of be

[75:53]real with the other person and say what's in say what's in

[75:57]your heart yes I think we're going to um end it here

[76:00]inshallah you have one okay go ahead loyal loyalty okay mashallah mashallah

[76:08]yes I mean everyone wants to see loyalty from their partner and

[76:16]this is a valid um expectation to have because you're giving your

[76:20]life and everything to that person you expect to have that and

[76:26]for Mecca bring them to Mecca families that come here together inshallah

[76:30]will stay together inshallah families that pray together now you don't come

[76:34]you could watch live um that's also fine may Allah subhana TAA

[76:38]bless you all so we don't have that much days left in

[76:42]the month of Ramadan who's happy who's sad who's um the day

[76:48]ofid most likely will be Wednesday inshallah but before Eid there's a

[76:52]prayer we have to do on Monday and that's going to be

[76:56]there's going to be a solar eclipse it's going to be soon

[77:03]after noon after prayer is like one something 1 135 this I

[77:07]think begins at 157 so this is a w Salah because it's

[77:15]a full eclipse so everyone has to do this prayer um I

[77:18]will come here on Monday we'll gather here for the prayer and

[77:21]then we'll just wait and then once the eclipse begins probably at

[77:29]2:00 2 2:05 210 we'll do the Sal inshallah Salah and if

[77:33]you could not attend you could do you could do it in

[77:38]person we'll send an announcement on how to perform it and inshallah

[77:41]we will do it here in Jama as well yes so you

[77:46]have um until 4 o' what time does it end so you

[77:55]have until ends so even if you're at school step aside for

[78:02]5 minutes 10 minutes and do the prayer find a room tell

[78:05]them ahead of time because this is a w Salah needs to

[78:08]be done during the actual event at 33 it's supposed to end

[78:12]apparently so um 157 okay is the beginning time so we have

[78:20]to pray this Salah this is W upon upon us if you

[78:24]missed it you have to do it so it's just like the

[78:28]Salah so this is going to be Monday and then Wednesday inshallah

[78:30]we're going to have one prayer at 8 a.m.

[78:34]and the next prayer at 9:30 and then if there was need

[78:39]for another prayer we'll um we'll see based on need but inshallah

[78:42]probably two prayers will be um sufficient and um get your ideas

[78:50]ready yeah okay may Allah subhana wa tala bless you [Music] all

[79:35][Music] [Music] J inshallah tomorrow our discussion will be on saving our

[80:03]children so today save your marriage tomorrow save your children inshallah

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