Ali Reza Panahian’s new book will be available soon.

The new book “A Shower of Goodness: A Commentary on Imam Ali’s (as) Best Sermon on Ethics in Nahj al-Balaghah” will be available starting 1/23/23.

In this book, Ali Reza Panahian discusses the "Muttaqīn (Pious) Sermon," which due to its unique characteristics - such as the clear reason for him giving this speech, having a mystical tone, being applicable to various situations, being comprehensive, and finally its descriptive tone – make it perhaps the best sermon on ethics in Nahj al-Balagha.

In this book, the author uses a fluent, articulate style to discuss the visible and hidden details of each attribute of the pious that has been mentioned by the Commander of the Faithful (as). He examines each attribute of the pious with a completely practical approach and gives everyday, easy to understand examples.

On the back cover of the book, you will read:

People usually get tired of hearing “advice” very quickly. Some people even escape from hearing advice. However, “describing” something does not have the same effect on them, especially when it is describing goodness. Perhaps there is nothing that is able to bring enthusiasm, give enough motivation and increase resolve in people for them to move and do good deeds in the same way that describing goodness is able to do.
The Commander of the Faithful (as) has given an artistic description of pious people in the best, most famous sermon on ethics in Nahj al-Balāghah, the “Muttaqīn (Pious) Sermon.” No advice is given in this sermon. It is entirely a description of the virtues and beauties of pious people from the beginning to the end.

This book will be available on 1/23/23 in book Kindle and paperback edition, God willing.

#AShowerOfGoodness

The most important point to having a good family

Politeness, the main principle for managing in a family

Dignity comes first in a family. Friends, do you know what this means? It means politeness is more necessary than love. In a family, politeness is prior to love. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will easily curse. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will show indifference and pout, which is such an ugly behavior. When you replace politeness with love, since love fluctuates, a person may like one member more and express this love leading to discrimination in the family.
Politeness means respect. Respect is the main part of self-esteem. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respecting shouldn’t be ignored. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness. Parents being displeased is not about not loving parents. One may not like his/her parents. He doesn’t like them. What can we do? Liking isn’t by force. He loves something else more, fine. But, he shouldn’t be impolite. Because, dignity and respect are the first principles, whoever is managing a situation.
When a mother gets angry at home, she should control what she says. What is the greatest virtue of a woman? Behaving well with her husband. Why? Because behaving well with husbands is hard for women. Why? I’m sorry but, because men are usually a little sloppy. They are a little unemotional too. Also, their taste isn’t very good, and they don’t show excitement. They exasperate women. Women must tolerate them. Therefore, “A woman’s struggle is to behave well with her husband.” [Nahj al-Balaghah, saying no. 133] You (women) don’t need to fight with “Saddam.” Your Saddam is your honourable husband whom you must show consideration for. What should you do? Behave well with your husband. If a woman is impolite, as soon as she sees a wrong behaviour, she will use the sword of frowning. She lifts her eyebrows and frowns like a sword! It’s as if she has stabbed her husband in the heart. The child sees what an angry mother he has! Then, this child can’t be corrected anymore.
Psychologists and the Imams have spoken about this. Psychologists say, “Women, when your husbands come home, don’t say anything negative, and don’t make any demands or criticize for the first 10 minutes.” What have the Imams said? They have said, “As soon as he comes in, express your love.” You’ll beguile him! I’m saying this in front of men. Respect uplifts your child. Wow! This woman is showing respect and being polite!
A man too. When he wants to manage a situation, he should respect his wife. A tradition says,«علَیکَ فَتُکرِمَها و تَرفُقَ بها ، و إن کانَ حَقُّکَ علَیها أوجَبَ» “You should respect your wife and be compassionate and tolerant with her, although your right on her is weightier.” But, you should respect her too. Don’t think since your right is weightier, you can do whatever you want. Whoever wants to manage others should know that politeness and respect are the first principles. No matter what, you must adhere to these. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness.
Politeness means respect. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respect shouldn’t be ignored.

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This is the way we’ve been created.

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Human beings don’t seek to achieve anything unless they have an inner knowledge of it. People don’t start with learning and experiencing. People start every action and their life with a kind of restlessness. What does being restless mean? They understand something is within themselves and they look for it. There is some obscure asset, but we don’t know exactly what it is and we don’t know why we’re restless. So we try to find it. It’s the same when people are choosing a goal. They constantly think, “What goal is better for me?” An inner knowledge helps them in choosing their goal. When you reach this goal, you say, “You are what eases my restless heart.”

More than trying to choose our goal, we must try to find our goal within ourselves. We ourselves must discover what our goal is, not what our goal should be. We have an inner knowledge within us for choosing our goal. God hasn’t created us without a goal. So choosing a goal is not in our hands. Our goal in life has been chosen for us from before. “O human beings, surely you must strive (to attain) to your Lord, a hard striving until you meet Him.” [Qur’an 84:6] You will eventually meet God, but you will suffer on this path. This won’t be easy. It’s complicated and difficult. [God says,] “I’ve created you in this way. So go wherever you want.”

This is the only suitable goal for a person. Not being suitable doesn’t mean being valueless. It means it’s impossible. [So we’re not saying,] “Try not to choose any other goals!” No, you aren’t able to choose another goal. Other things can’t be your goal. They won’t set you on fire. This is our nature. “The nature made by God in which He has made men.” [Qur’an 30:30] We have been created in a way that this is what we want.


How did the Commander of the Faithful, Ali (as), choose his goal? One is surprised at this. What was the Imam’s feeling about his goal - getting close to God? Imam Husayn (as) said, “Whenever I saw my father, the Commander of the Faithful (as), he was crying.” O Imam, what is this goal doing to you? We know in general that this goal is probably God and getting close to Him. We don’t have Imam Ali’s (as) wisdom. We can’t imagine, “O Imam, you constantly cried for this? You cried for it every night. What had this goal done to you?! Tell me a little so that it may affect me some too. Why am I so unfeeling?!”

In the story narrated by Nauf, he said the same thing. He saw Imam Ali (as) was restless as he was moving away. He asked the Imam, “Where are you going?” See what Imam said. “I’m going toward my longings.” O Imam, may I be sacrificed for you. What are your longings? Nauf asked the Imam, “What are your longings?” He knew the answer in general but wanted to know more.

Do you know how the Imam responded? What innocence! What glory! He said, “The One Who should know my longings, knows.” He didn’t answer. He wanted to talk to God Himself. Imam, so you have a longing, but you can rest now. God knows you. You love Him. And He loves you. So why do you want to go and cry?! You’re friends with God! One cannot understand this. The fact that we can’t understand Imam Ali (as) shows that we haven’t yet found this goal and it hasn’t set us on fire yet.

We should be calm, like a still water in which the bottom of the pond can be seen. O goal, pull us to you and captivate us. Introduce yourself to me.

So choosing a goal is not in our hands. Our goal in life has been chosen for us from before. “O human beings, surely you must strive (to attain) to your Lord, a hard striving until you meet Him.” [Qur’an 84:6] You will eventually meet God. We have been created in a way that this is what we want. [So we’re not saying,] “Try not to choose any other goals!” No, you aren’t able to choose another goal.
Other things can’t be your goal. They won’t set you on fire.

The best gift that spouses can give each other

Qur’an, Chapter Rum, verse 21, says, “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves.” God, why have You done this? Let God explain it Himself. “He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.”
What is the main thing at home? What is it? Love? No. Is enjoying the main thing? No. Is benefiting the main thing? No. Is bearing children the main thing? No. Is reputation, credibility or social dignity the main thing? No. What is the main thing? “…that you may find rest in them.” The purpose of having a family is calmness. No matter what happens, calmness should not be destroyed in the family.
First, calmness! If you consider the other good benefits from a family to be the first thing, you have disorganized everything! Everything is ruined. For example, you say, “The first use of a family is affection.” In this verse of the Qur’an that we talked about, there is affection too. But, affection isn’t first. It says, “I will give you affection too. There should be affection between spouses too. But, if you put affection instead of calmness and ruin each other’s calmness because of affection, there won’t be affection or calmness.”
For example, a person puts pleasure instead of calmness and says, “Sensual pleasure is the first thing for me.” Or no, comfort. A person is comfortable at home. What happens if you put comfort instead of calmness? You’ll destroy yourself and your family. “I want to be comfortable.” For you to be comfortable, you are destroying your spouse’s calmness. Then, you won’t be comfortable either!
What restricts our behaviour and our other goals and benefits in life, is calmness. Calmness shouldn’t be disrupted. Everything should be with calmness. Everything should come after calmness. If a woman wants to criticize her husband, or if a man wants to criticize his wife, they should be careful not to ruin calmness.
Think, “I wanted to insult him or her, or I wanted to say something, which was true. [There is no difference if it is a man or a woman.] I want to insult him or her, or say something else. Or even, I want to say something very true and very important! If I say this, calmness will be eliminated.” So, the first thing is calmness.
Let’s turn “calmness” into the main slogan of the family. A woman and a man can truly gift calmness to each other. “He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.” What has God determined to be the goal of a family? Calmness. No matter what happens, calmness should not be destroyed in the family.
Calmness shouldn’t be disrupted. Everything should be with calmness. Everything should be after calmness.

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More Tender-hearted than a Mother

Mothers’ hearts break very fast. They are manifestations of God. They are even harder than God. No one is as tender-hearted as God. “There is nothing like Him” (Qur’an 42:11) He is so tender-hearted.
For example, you have done something 99% because of God and 1% because of your neighbour. God says, “I don’t want it. It’s useless. I won’t accept it.” “But God I put myself through so much trouble, and 99% it was for You! See my heart!” He replies, “No, it hasn’t been done purely for Me. I don’t want it.” “God! You have become like my mom!”
I bought this cake and thought that I’ll either take it for Mom or my friend. “My friend wasn’t around; I brought it for you.” Mom gets upset. She says, “See how he has bought me a cake!” “But Mom, I have bought it for you.” “No, you said yourself that you were thinking of your friend too. If it was for me, maybe you would have bought a different cake.” “Mom! Take it easy!” Moms are very tender-hearted.
Moms are like God. God is very tender-hearted too. If you feel even a little bad, God says, “My angels! Is he saying there is no God?” “We swear to You that he believes in You, God! Why are you so tender-hearted? He just prayed.” “No! See. He’s feeling bad. Don’t I exist? Don’t I support him?!”
It had been a few days that nothing was revealed. The Holy Prophet (s) was very dependent on God and His Grace. The Prophet (s) had become tender-hearted too! The Prophet of God (s) became sad thinking, “What has happened?” God became upset, “My Prophet! Are you sad?! Haven’t I held your hand up until now?! ‘Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter?’ (Qur’an 93:6) Didn’t I take your hand when you were an orphan? Now you think that I have left you?! You didn’t have anyone or any guide. I guided you. ‘Did He not find you poor and suffice you?’ (Qur’an 93:8) You didn’t have anything and I took your hands.” I think the Prophet (s) suddenly said, “God, I am happy. I’m feeling very well. Don’t complain about me anymore. I won’t feel bad anymore!” Peace was established.
If God wants to talk to us, He has many things to say. I think God has lots of complaints about us. What does God tell you? The words and concepts that He tells you are more important than what He told His Prophet (s). God told the Prophet (s), “Didn’t I send revelation to you?” This is very good.
But, do you know what God tells us? He says something that is somehow even more valuable. What is that? God says, “Didn’t I give you Husayn (‘a)? Don’t you see him? Didn’t I give you safety by way of Husayn (‘a)? Didn’t I give you blessings by way of Husayn (‘a)? Didn’t I give you love by way of Husayn (‘a), so that you may experience love? Millions of poems are composed for him, but you don’t get tired. Will I leave you alone?! So, why are you feeling bad?” You should thank God very much because of His Husayn (‘a).
God is very tender-hearted! If you feel even a little bad, God says, “My angels! Is he saying there is no God?” “We swear to You that he believes in You, God! Why are you so tender-hearted? He just prayed.” “No! See. He’s feeling bad. Don’t I exist? Don’t I support him?!”

Religious Gatherings, a Place for Changing People’s Destinies

Let’s put ourselves on the path of doing good deeds. Qur’an, “Be with the truthful,” and “Bow your heads with those who bow (in worship).” Go into the good crowds! Good crowds somehow push a person for correcting his behaviour. In a group prayer, you are encouraged to read the recommended supplications afterwards. When you participate in religious meetings, you’re encouraged to say Salawat (greetings to the Prophet and his Household) for different reasons. You’re encouraged. When you go to the religious gatherings regularly, they say, “We have a gathering tonight. Come.” You’re encouraged.
Apply yourself to doing good deeds, with good crowds, and with good friends. This is very effective. What is the result and fruit, which comes from these good deeds? Intention. Juicy, sweet, golden intentions, which can give water to a world. Because, in a religious gathering there is more access to the depths of a person’s heart. The gatherings either make a person think deeply or influence him or her deeply.
That nice longing, that cute and good intention, which God accepts, can usually be found in the religious and eulogy gatherings. If you carelessly make an intention, it won’t be what it should be. An intention should have roots in a person’s internal being. Because, in a religious gathering there is more access to the depths of a person’s heart.
One of the things that the Almighty God does is to connect the far past of a person with his far future. We don’t usually relate these to each other. We don’t even remember them. But, God remembers them. He keeps them noted. He plans a 20-year plan and you reach it.
Suddenly a person longs for something. He says, “I wish I could help to guide a few people.” He says this deeply, sincerely, and caringly. His life turns around. Perhaps 15 years later the environment is right for him to bring prosperity to 40 people. Other people regret saying, “Why couldn’t I do that?” God says, “I am his or her God and your God too. If you had wanted it, I would have given it to you too.”
All of the things that happen are based on what comes to our heart. Sometimes they show it and it’s a disaster! I mean from morning to night we must watch over our hearts. Heart don’t wander for God’s sake! Although, we can’t. You can, God willing. Bring your heart to a religious gathering. Say, “Unruly one! No matter where you’ve gone, let me take you somewhere good too at least.”
Sometimes a person does a precise act on his intention and changes his destiny. That nice longing, that cute and good intention, which God accepts, can usually be found in the religious and eulogy gatherings. Because, in a religious gathering there is more access to the depths of a person’s heart.

Make your house like a stage in the theatre.

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The most effective factor in bringing up children well at home is how the parents behave with each other. The parents should consider the home to be a scene of a show in a theatre and be coordinated with each other. They can have a script or a plan for a play and show desired behaviors to their children. In this way, the children will learn about life, the future, ideals, humanity, and morality from their parents’ behavior when dealing with each other. Parents should never show their children that they cannot tolerate each other. They should show that despite different preferences, they tolerate each other. This should be shown and played out.
Image if the child is behaving badly and never apologizes. The solution is easy. The parents can work together, even for less than a month. The wife should say, “I’m sorry. I apologize. Have you forgiven me?” “It’s fine.” “Can I be sure that you have forgiven me?” “Yes, I have forgiven you. It’s fine.” Then the other way around. “My wife, I apologize. Truly forgive me.” If they apologize to each other in front of their child a few times, the child will be corrected. Raising a child is easy!
A child’s training is based on the parents’ behavior with each other. Imagine you hold a grudge against anyone you are upset with, say whatever comes to your mind, and pout whenever you want. Then your child cannot be trained correctly anymore. A tradition says if a man’s family eats the foods that he prefers due to their fear of him, this is a sign of him being a hypocrite. This tradition has explicitly stated it in this way. But if the father eats the foods that his family likes, this is a sign of him being a believer.
Mom says, “Your dad doesn’t like squash, but we have squash tonight because it’s healthy.” “But didn’t you say dad doesn’t like squash?” “Yes, he doesn’t like it, but he’s a good man! See what he does.” He eats the squash and acts as if it’s very tasty. He says, “I actually enjoy eating these foods I don’t like. Your mom has cooked it.” The children should hear this and see this tradition acted out.
On the other hand, if a man is upset, his wife shouldn’t let him sleep in that mood. She shouldn’t say, “I’ll fix it tomorrow morning. Who cares! He’ll sleep.” No, he should forgive her before going to sleep. She thinks, “I’m tired, forget it.” No! A tradition has said you should hold his hand and say, “You can’t sleep until you forgive me.” The man will enjoy this and think he’s a true king! And similarly, that behavior with the wife will make her think she’s a queen!
A person went to Imam Baqir’s (as) house. Imam Baqir’s children were watching their parents’ behavior. That person saw the Imam was wearing red clothes. In other words, the man needed to see the Imam. So he went to his house and saw the clothes the Imam wore at home. He said, “You’re wearing red clothes!? You’ve never worn such colors before. You usually wear white.” He said, “This is the color my wife likes.” This means, “I wear the clothes at home that my wife likes. She should like them.”
Children are like spies. They secretly collect information and give it to themselves. A child comes into the kitchen and sees that when a poor guest comes, his mom uses cheap plates. But when a high-class guest comes, she says to use the more expensive dishes. “Mom, these guests are different!?” She says, “Yes, she’s not important. She’s just your dad’s sister!” So the child learns discrimination, and he/she won’t forget this that easily.
The parents should consider the home to be a scene of a show in a theatre and show desired behaviors to their children. In this way, the children will learn about life, the future, ideals, humanity, and morality from their parents’ behavior when dealing with each other.

Our Book Corner
Based on the book "How to Pray a Good Prayer" by Ali Reza Panahian

Watch for the upcoming clips from this series!

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The link for the book "How to Pray a Good Prayer," written by Ali Reza Panahian:
http://amazon.com/author/panahian
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