BH- Lesson 26- Watching our words!- part 2- Hamam Nassereddine

2 Bekeken· 25/10/21

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These are lessons in which we shed light on Koranic verses and narrations from Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) that teach us the steps one should take to build an Islamic family.

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[0:04]Alhamdulillah.

[0:33]In our last lesson regarding the um how to build an Islamic

[0:41]household, I remember we were talking about uh words that we say.

[0:48]uh we mentioned a point about the the sensitivity of the words

[0:56]that the husband says to his wife or the wife says to

[1:02]her husband but we did not complete the topic.

[1:05]Um, we were saying that when speaking to fellow human beings, especially

[1:12]family members, especially the members of of the same household, um, it

[1:18]is very important that we uh maintain respect, that we speak to

[1:26]each other in a respectful way, and that we do not say

[1:28]harsh and heartbreaking words to one other the words that a person

[1:37]says.

[1:38]The words that a person says to someone else have an impact.

[1:44]They they have or can have an impact on that person or

[1:50]on his family or even on his society.

[1:52]It all depends on what you're saying and who you're saying it

[1:57]to.

[1:56]Long story short, the words of the human beings are part of

[2:02]his actions.

[2:04]And there's a lot of a lot of recommendations from allahel oram

[2:10]pertaining to what should be said or what should not be said.

[2:16]When you look at the Quran or the narrations, you find a

[2:22]good amount of texts, no that speak about the tongue, watching your

[2:31]tongue, preserving your tongue, uh abstaining from saying unlawful words.

[2:39]I said this once and I'll say it again.

[2:41]When you look at the chapter of right chapter of or other

[2:49]chapters in the books of Jewish prudence, you find that when the

[2:56]marijah mention the sins that a person should not commit or they

[3:01]mention major sins, there's a good amount of sins that pertain to

[3:05]the tongue.

[3:08]Like what?

[3:11]like reeba backbiting bhan bhan is the sister or the cousin of

[3:17]reeba is true when you backbite someone you mention a hidden defect

[3:24]that the person has so the defect is there but it's hidden

[3:30]however is an accusation you say he has a defect but he

[3:37]doesn't have a defect like what the Jews said with Mariam when

[3:40]they said that committed uh fornication or adultery.

[3:48]Uh so you have vulgar words uttering vulgar words is haram in

[4:01]Islam.

[4:00]lying words that cause division amongst the people fitna those are haram

[4:10]as well swearing at the believer it's haram as well so you

[4:16]have a bunch of words that Allah does not want me or

[4:21]you to utter now when we look at family relationships whether we're

[4:25]looking at the relationship of a father with his son or vice

[4:28]versa a mother with her son or daughter or vice versa, a

[4:34]husband with his wife and vice versa, etc.

[4:39]It's really important that we we we watch our tongues and we

[4:44]avoid saying harmful and abusive words because the word has an impact

[4:50]on on the person and it can really ruin a person's relationship

[4:56]with his spouse or with his relative.

[4:57]Sometimes you say one word But that reward is enough to cause

[5:03]a lot of damage to the relationship uh between you and your

[5:09]relative or you and your spouse.

[5:10]Hence when you look at the narrations of you find many narrations

[5:18]where they tell you and I to watch our times.

[5:23]Let me share one narration with you.

[5:30]He mentions a wise word that the progeny of David uh either

[5:41]said or they had inherited that that pro that hikma that wise

[5:50]word and they had you know passed it down from one group

[5:54]to another.

[5:58]It is upon the intellectual to know his era meaning to know

[6:06]the affairs or the issues pertaining to his era.

[6:09]For example, he should know in general in general what's happening.

[6:14]Okay?

[6:15]Obviously, you you won't know every single detail regarding the events of

[6:22]your era, but you should have general knowledge of what's taking place.

[6:26]You should know, for example, whether the era is uh a just

[6:37]era or an unjust era.

[6:41]Meaning is there more in his era than justice or is there

[6:48]more justice than than oppression than?

[6:49]Okay.

[6:50]Because based on that knowledge, you know, his behavior will differ um

[6:57]during that time.

[7:02]He should also focus on himself and on his own affairs.

[7:08]So a person shouldn't preoccupy himself with what others are doing with

[7:18]the faults of other human beings.

[7:20]He should focus on himself on removing his own faults on becoming

[7:30]a better person on acquiring virtues.

[7:32]Yes, he should not neglect his community.

[7:36]He should not neglect his people and should perform he should enjoin

[7:43]good and forbid evil.

[7:43]So if he's preoccupied with what people are doing in the sense

[7:49]that he's aware of what they're doing and he's he's sad, he's

[7:53]disturbed because he knows that people are falling into various kinds of

[7:59]sins and he's thinking what can I do to save these people?

[8:02]What can I do to help them?

[8:04]That's good.

[8:06]His worry here, his his worry is good.

[8:10]But if he's uh preoccupied with people in the sense that he

[8:17]just likes to witness the faults of others and to be aware

[8:23]of their mistakes, to be aware of their sins without planning, you

[8:27]know, he's not actually planning to do to do or he's spying

[8:33]on others.

[8:34]No, he spies.

[8:35]He asks, you know, what happened with Furan?

[8:37]What happened with Fan?

[8:40]He wants to hear that this person sinned, this person committed this

[8:44]bad deed, right?

[8:45]And that's obviously awful.

[8:49]That's really bad.

[8:50]So the imams here teach us to worry about ourselves.

[8:56]Yes.

[8:57]Worry about your community in the sense that you want what's best

[9:02]for your community.

[9:04]You want to uphold the obligation of enjoining good and forbidding evil.

[9:08]You want to protect your community from misguidance.

[9:10]That is good.

[9:12]But don't preoccupy yourselves with others to the point where you forget

[9:17]about yourself or you spy on others and or you simply want

[9:28]to discover other people's faults.

[9:30]Why?

[9:31]If Allah is right, if allahel conceals my sins and the sins

[9:36]of others, why should I come and try to discover other people's

[9:43]sins?

[9:44]No, that's not my my duty.

[9:48]So that's the meaning of last but not least.

[9:54]He should be a person who preserves his tongue.

[10:00]Meaning he doesn't allow himself to utter words that anger Allah and

[10:11]words that um are unlawful.

[10:20]This is what a general piece of advice that applies to to

[10:27]people in general.

[10:28]The the piece of advice does not only apply to the relationship

[10:34]of a husband with his wife and vice versa.

[10:38]It applies to anything that you say.

[10:41]that applies to your uh conversations with your teacher, your students, your

[10:48]colleagues, your friends, your family members, and the list goes on.

[10:53]But can we use this narration to gain more insight on how

[11:02]we should treat our spouses?

[11:04]Of course.

[11:03]required to do in general then obviously I'm required to do when

[11:10]I'm speaking to my wife or when I'm or when the wife

[11:16]is speaking to her husband and again we'll repeat the statement because

[11:23]it's very important sometimes one of the one of the two spouses

[11:30]will say a word that will greatly damage their relationship And because

[11:34]of that word, perhaps they'll go through months or maybe years of

[11:43]problems.

[11:41]Uh we have to be careful.

[11:45]Then again, good words have what?

[11:47]Good effects.

[11:47]Did I share the hadith with you?

[11:52]The hadith of Allah where he speaks about when a husband says,

[11:55]"I love you," to his wife.

[11:57]We did.

[11:58]Yeah.

[11:59]What does the hadith say?

[12:01]that we Oh, we didn't mention it, right?

[12:08]Here, two months ago.

[12:12]Oh, wow.

[12:13]Well, let me share it with you quickly and then we'll conclude

[12:15]the lesson.

[12:17]This one is also in Al Cafe.

[12:32]The prophet said, I says that the prophet said when a man

[12:39]says to his wife, I love you, that word does not exit,

[12:45]does not come out of her heart.

[12:47]Meaning it leaves a an effect that is continuous.

[12:51]Obviously, the effect is positive.

[12:56]a continuous positive effect.

[12:59]Subhan Allah.

[12:59]No.

[13:04]It does not leave her heart.

[13:07]Hence, it's really important for both spouses to mention words of love,

[13:15]to express their love to each other, both, you know, through actions

[13:19]and through words.

[13:19]actions are more important because actions speak louder than words.

[13:23]And um uh ultimately if if the actions don't show that the

[13:33]the spouse loves his or her spouse, the words will be damaged.

[13:38]The words of love might be nullified.

[13:41]Imagine if I tell you day and night, you know, I love

[13:45]you.

[13:45]I love you.

[13:47]I love you.

[13:46]But I'm attacking you, right?

[13:50]So, I love you, but I but I hate you.

[13:52]Right?

[13:53]I love you, but I do the things that really hurt you.

[13:56]At a certain point, you're going to tell me what you're going

[14:00]to tell me, but hold on.

[14:01]If you love me, then why are you mistreating me?

[14:05]Right?

[14:06]Why are you constantly instilling pain in my heart?

[14:10]We're not infallible.

[14:12]We might sometimes, you know, tell our spouses, "Okay, I love you."

[14:16]and then we do something that angers the spouse.

[14:20]That's normal.

[14:20]We're not infallible.

[14:21]But there's a difference between someone who makes a mistake and someone

[14:27]who constantly uh mistreats his or her spouse.

[14:32]Yes, he says I love you or she says I love you.

[14:34]But there's what?

[14:38]Constant mistreatment.

[14:38]That's that's a problem here.

[14:42]The words will will lose their value.

[14:45]They'll be nullified through the actions.

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