Don’t outwit God!

We should first fix our relationship with God before fixing our relationship with anything else. Under the influence of this relationship, all of the events in our life are formed.
How is our relationship with God? Are we dauntless, honest, pure and correct? Or are we trying to outwit God?! If you live, deal, are a neighbour, or work with someone, he will eventually understand how you are with him. How much do you like him or support him? How much are you enemies or friends with him? How much are you willing to put energy for him? From what point won’t you help him anymore? He will understand these things from you.
God understands better than anyone else how we are with Him. God says, “He is not putting energy for Me! He is not the way he should be.”
All of our other relationships, sustenance, and what is destined for us in our lives are under the influence of this relationship. Therefore God says, “In many cases when you have problems with others, fix your relationship with Me, and I will fix your relationship with the world.” We should give priority to our relationship with God, and first of all we shouldn’t outwit God in this relationship!
If a student is weak, his teacher will not hate him. If the teacher is a true teacher, he will say, “That’s fine. We will work with each other.” But, if the teacher sees that the student wants to deceive him, he will say, “Look, I’m spending my time here for you. Now you want to outwit me?! Do you know how many kids like you I’ve taught?! Don’t defend your actions. Say, ‘I haven’t studied. I don’t like it. I can’t focus. My mind wanders.’ I have come here to work with you.”
Let’s not outwit God! No one can deceive Him! We should be honest with God. Say, “God, the truth is that You are not that important for me. But, I know that You are important. I like to care about You, but unfortunately I don’t! I am busy and caught up.”
Speak the truth! Talk to Him! The Almighty God has been waiting for fifty years for some people to talk to Him sincerely. “Why doesn’t this person come to talk with Me? Tell Me about your situation. Is anything more important than Me in this world?” There is nothing more important or greater than God. Talk to God candidly.
All of our other relationships and what is destined for us in our lives are under the influence of this relationship. We should give priority to our relationship with God, and first of all we shouldn’t outwit God in this relationship!

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God’s Proposal to Us

When two people are talking about getting married, they say, “What do you think about the Fall?” “I don’t like the Fall. What about you?” “I like it very much.” “Wow! What mutual understanding we have!”
There is always a gap between the facts, awareness and us. The gap involves how to see those facts.
Everyone sees how short life is. But, from what viewpoint should we look at this? Everyone sees the hardships. From what angle should we look at these hardships? Gradually a person’s viewpoint becomes ingrained, and he becomes accustomed to it. Perhaps it becomes impossible to change his viewpoint.
I’ll give an example. Unfortunately, my example is not very good. Currently, what are the most fascinating TV shows in the world? I will tell you one of the most fascinating, if not the most fascinating TV show. In the whole world! It is the same way in Iran too.
They invite an actor because he is famous. Probably he is popular too. Probably. Being popular is a minor detail. They interview him to see his outlook on different affairs. People say, “O! It’s him. Let me see what he says!”
The TV show host will tell the actor, “Look, be comfortable. Give your own opinion.” The actor says, “I don’t like meat stew.” “Wow! He doesn’t like meat stew. How interesting! So what do you like? Let me guess. Audience! What do you think? Tell us, what do you eat?!!!” “I like fried eggs.” “Wow! He likes fried eggs! That’s why your face looks like an egg too! You like fried eggs. How do you feel when you eat eggs??!” “I see the egg as a planet, which has been mashed in the frying pan!” “What an interesting viewpoint!”
Nothing changes after this! People just say, “Wow! Oh?! Ah! What a special outlook!” We watch how others think.
I’m sorry, God forbid, I don’t want to compare this to God, but God says, “Let me tell you what I think. Let me tell you My way of looking at things!”
For example, sometimes God tells a person, “Look, this is not a big problem!” He says, “But, it is a very big problem!” “This is not a very big problem.” As you know, God talks in a low voice. He can’t even be heard. I am talking in a low voice on behalf of God, because He talks in this way. He always talks in a low voice. “This is not a big problem.” “No! I feel it!” “I’m telling you this is not a big problem.” The person won’t accept it.
God says, “Angels, create a big problem for him so that he can understand this wasn’t a very big problem.” Then when a problem comes up, he says, “O God! The previous problem was very good!” “I told you it wasn’t a very big problem.”
Another example is a big blessing. God says, “This is very great.” “No, this is normal.” “No, this is a very great blessing.” The person won’t accept it. Sometimes with the occurrence of a great tragedy, you understand your way of thinking was wrong!
Do you know what God has said in the Quran? He says that He will fix our way of thinking... I swear to God! Whether we are a Zoroastrian, a Christian, a non-Muslim, or a person who is curious. Or just a human being! What is God’s way of looking at affairs? God insists on communicating His way of looking! His way of talking shows this. The Quran is not written like a science book! It is completely based on the inner senses! He continually insists on communicating His way of looking. Get to know God. Think that He is proposing to you. God says, “Let Me tell you My way of looking. Let Me tell you My way of looking at things!”
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Training Children in a Magnanimous Way

Train your children with generosity. Train your children with magnanimity. If they make any mistakes, call them to account a bit later. Or, not at all is even better.
Ayatollah Bahjat’s son said, “When my father wanted to tell us something, he would tell a story and we had to think about it to understand what he meant. Sometimes after a few days, we would think, ‘Maybe he had meant this.’ After a few more days, we would realize, ‘Aha! He was saying this.’” This was his habit. This is the result of having “Taqwa (Piety)!” See how beautiful a person becomes.
His son said, “In the last days of his life, sometimes he talked about the good death of people. Then, we realized he was readying us for his death. ‘Death is nothing! It’s just like sleeping. When a person gets tired, he sleeps.’ Since I knew my father very well, I understood that he was informing us about his leaving. He wouldn’t talk directly. He would tell a story and we had to think about it to understand what he meant.
Once, he told this story, ‘An honourable scholar lived with his son in one room. That scholar told his son, “Shall we put up a curtain in the middle of the room, so that there will be modesty between us?” How modest people were before. These stories are amazing.’ I heard this story. I wondered why he suddenly remembered this story. I had to think about what he wanted to say! Then, I thought since it had been a while that I had to sleep in his room due to his infirmity, maybe he meant that I have to put up a curtain. I put up a curtain in the room when he had gone to teach. Later, I asked him, ‘I have put up a curtain here. Is it good?’ He showed his satisfaction.”
This is how it becomes. This is so beautiful! O God! It’s very beautiful to live like this. For you to treat your child as a person too, don’t call him to account whenever he does something wrong. Also, don’t encourage him whenever he does something good. Let him stand on his own feet. Always be kind to him.
“You’re saying we shouldn’t encourage our child?!” Always encourage him. Say, “I will always buy you ice cream!” Train your children with magnanimity. Raise them to be magnanimous, so that they will be magnanimous from their childhood.
There is no god, except Allah. Shall we talk about Karbala? The commander of the cursed Yazid said, “You won’t punish me if I say something? I want to say something good about Husayn’s (‘a) family.” He replied, “Say it.” The commander asked, “Am I safe? On the way, we whipped and harassed Husayn’s children very much. But, Husayn’s children didn’t say any bad words to us even once. He has trained his family well.”
You have to behave with your children in the same way! This is a method. Learn this method!
[From the series of speeches under the topic of, “‘Taqwa,’ a Plan for Managing Society.”]
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Examples of wrong conversations between a husband and wife

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Ali Reza Panahian’s new book will be available soon.

The new book “A Shower of Goodness: A Commentary on Imam Ali’s (as) Best Sermon on Ethics in Nahj al-Balaghah” will be available starting 1/23/23.

In this book, Ali Reza Panahian discusses the "Muttaqīn (Pious) Sermon," which due to its unique characteristics - such as the clear reason for him giving this speech, having a mystical tone, being applicable to various situations, being comprehensive, and finally its descriptive tone – make it perhaps the best sermon on ethics in Nahj al-Balagha.

In this book, the author uses a fluent, articulate style to discuss the visible and hidden details of each attribute of the pious that has been mentioned by the Commander of the Faithful (as). He examines each attribute of the pious with a completely practical approach and gives everyday, easy to understand examples.

On the back cover of the book, you will read:

People usually get tired of hearing “advice” very quickly. Some people even escape from hearing advice. However, “describing” something does not have the same effect on them, especially when it is describing goodness. Perhaps there is nothing that is able to bring enthusiasm, give enough motivation and increase resolve in people for them to move and do good deeds in the same way that describing goodness is able to do.
The Commander of the Faithful (as) has given an artistic description of pious people in the best, most famous sermon on ethics in Nahj al-Balāghah, the “Muttaqīn (Pious) Sermon.” No advice is given in this sermon. It is entirely a description of the virtues and beauties of pious people from the beginning to the end.

This book will be available on 1/23/23 in book Kindle and paperback edition, God willing.

#AShowerOfGoodness

The most important point to having a good family

Politeness, the main principle for managing in a family

Dignity comes first in a family. Friends, do you know what this means? It means politeness is more necessary than love. In a family, politeness is prior to love. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will easily curse. Do you know what happens when you have love without politeness? If a person isn’t loving, he/she will show indifference and pout, which is such an ugly behavior. When you replace politeness with love, since love fluctuates, a person may like one member more and express this love leading to discrimination in the family.
Politeness means respect. Respect is the main part of self-esteem. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respecting shouldn’t be ignored. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness. Parents being displeased is not about not loving parents. One may not like his/her parents. He doesn’t like them. What can we do? Liking isn’t by force. He loves something else more, fine. But, he shouldn’t be impolite. Because, dignity and respect are the first principles, whoever is managing a situation.
When a mother gets angry at home, she should control what she says. What is the greatest virtue of a woman? Behaving well with her husband. Why? Because behaving well with husbands is hard for women. Why? I’m sorry but, because men are usually a little sloppy. They are a little unemotional too. Also, their taste isn’t very good, and they don’t show excitement. They exasperate women. Women must tolerate them. Therefore, “A woman’s struggle is to behave well with her husband.” [Nahj al-Balaghah, saying no. 133] You (women) don’t need to fight with “Saddam.” Your Saddam is your honourable husband whom you must show consideration for. What should you do? Behave well with your husband. If a woman is impolite, as soon as she sees a wrong behaviour, she will use the sword of frowning. She lifts her eyebrows and frowns like a sword! It’s as if she has stabbed her husband in the heart. The child sees what an angry mother he has! Then, this child can’t be corrected anymore.
Psychologists and the Imams have spoken about this. Psychologists say, “Women, when your husbands come home, don’t say anything negative, and don’t make any demands or criticize for the first 10 minutes.” What have the Imams said? They have said, “As soon as he comes in, express your love.” You’ll beguile him! I’m saying this in front of men. Respect uplifts your child. Wow! This woman is showing respect and being polite!
A man too. When he wants to manage a situation, he should respect his wife. A tradition says,«علَیکَ فَتُکرِمَها و تَرفُقَ بها ، و إن کانَ حَقُّکَ علَیها أوجَبَ» “You should respect your wife and be compassionate and tolerant with her, although your right on her is weightier.” But, you should respect her too. Don’t think since your right is weightier, you can do whatever you want. Whoever wants to manage others should know that politeness and respect are the first principles. No matter what, you must adhere to these. When people are together in a family, the first principle is politeness.
Politeness means respect. I should respect my child. A spouse should be respected. Respect shouldn’t be ignored.

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This is the way we’ve been created.

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Human beings don’t seek to achieve anything unless they have an inner knowledge of it. People don’t start with learning and experiencing. People start every action and their life with a kind of restlessness. What does being restless mean? They understand something is within themselves and they look for it. There is some obscure asset, but we don’t know exactly what it is and we don’t know why we’re restless. So we try to find it. It’s the same when people are choosing a goal. They constantly think, “What goal is better for me?” An inner knowledge helps them in choosing their goal. When you reach this goal, you say, “You are what eases my restless heart.”

More than trying to choose our goal, we must try to find our goal within ourselves. We ourselves must discover what our goal is, not what our goal should be. We have an inner knowledge within us for choosing our goal. God hasn’t created us without a goal. So choosing a goal is not in our hands. Our goal in life has been chosen for us from before. “O human beings, surely you must strive (to attain) to your Lord, a hard striving until you meet Him.” [Qur’an 84:6] You will eventually meet God, but you will suffer on this path. This won’t be easy. It’s complicated and difficult. [God says,] “I’ve created you in this way. So go wherever you want.”

This is the only suitable goal for a person. Not being suitable doesn’t mean being valueless. It means it’s impossible. [So we’re not saying,] “Try not to choose any other goals!” No, you aren’t able to choose another goal. Other things can’t be your goal. They won’t set you on fire. This is our nature. “The nature made by God in which He has made men.” [Qur’an 30:30] We have been created in a way that this is what we want.


How did the Commander of the Faithful, Ali (as), choose his goal? One is surprised at this. What was the Imam’s feeling about his goal - getting close to God? Imam Husayn (as) said, “Whenever I saw my father, the Commander of the Faithful (as), he was crying.” O Imam, what is this goal doing to you? We know in general that this goal is probably God and getting close to Him. We don’t have Imam Ali’s (as) wisdom. We can’t imagine, “O Imam, you constantly cried for this? You cried for it every night. What had this goal done to you?! Tell me a little so that it may affect me some too. Why am I so unfeeling?!”

In the story narrated by Nauf, he said the same thing. He saw Imam Ali (as) was restless as he was moving away. He asked the Imam, “Where are you going?” See what Imam said. “I’m going toward my longings.” O Imam, may I be sacrificed for you. What are your longings? Nauf asked the Imam, “What are your longings?” He knew the answer in general but wanted to know more.

Do you know how the Imam responded? What innocence! What glory! He said, “The One Who should know my longings, knows.” He didn’t answer. He wanted to talk to God Himself. Imam, so you have a longing, but you can rest now. God knows you. You love Him. And He loves you. So why do you want to go and cry?! You’re friends with God! One cannot understand this. The fact that we can’t understand Imam Ali (as) shows that we haven’t yet found this goal and it hasn’t set us on fire yet.

We should be calm, like a still water in which the bottom of the pond can be seen. O goal, pull us to you and captivate us. Introduce yourself to me.

So choosing a goal is not in our hands. Our goal in life has been chosen for us from before. “O human beings, surely you must strive (to attain) to your Lord, a hard striving until you meet Him.” [Qur’an 84:6] You will eventually meet God. We have been created in a way that this is what we want. [So we’re not saying,] “Try not to choose any other goals!” No, you aren’t able to choose another goal.
Other things can’t be your goal. They won’t set you on fire.

The best gift that spouses can give each other

Qur’an, Chapter Rum, verse 21, says, “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves.” God, why have You done this? Let God explain it Himself. “He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.”
What is the main thing at home? What is it? Love? No. Is enjoying the main thing? No. Is benefiting the main thing? No. Is bearing children the main thing? No. Is reputation, credibility or social dignity the main thing? No. What is the main thing? “…that you may find rest in them.” The purpose of having a family is calmness. No matter what happens, calmness should not be destroyed in the family.
First, calmness! If you consider the other good benefits from a family to be the first thing, you have disorganized everything! Everything is ruined. For example, you say, “The first use of a family is affection.” In this verse of the Qur’an that we talked about, there is affection too. But, affection isn’t first. It says, “I will give you affection too. There should be affection between spouses too. But, if you put affection instead of calmness and ruin each other’s calmness because of affection, there won’t be affection or calmness.”
For example, a person puts pleasure instead of calmness and says, “Sensual pleasure is the first thing for me.” Or no, comfort. A person is comfortable at home. What happens if you put comfort instead of calmness? You’ll destroy yourself and your family. “I want to be comfortable.” For you to be comfortable, you are destroying your spouse’s calmness. Then, you won’t be comfortable either!
What restricts our behaviour and our other goals and benefits in life, is calmness. Calmness shouldn’t be disrupted. Everything should be with calmness. Everything should come after calmness. If a woman wants to criticize her husband, or if a man wants to criticize his wife, they should be careful not to ruin calmness.
Think, “I wanted to insult him or her, or I wanted to say something, which was true. [There is no difference if it is a man or a woman.] I want to insult him or her, or say something else. Or even, I want to say something very true and very important! If I say this, calmness will be eliminated.” So, the first thing is calmness.
Let’s turn “calmness” into the main slogan of the family. A woman and a man can truly gift calmness to each other. “He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them.” What has God determined to be the goal of a family? Calmness. No matter what happens, calmness should not be destroyed in the family.
Calmness shouldn’t be disrupted. Everything should be with calmness. Everything should be after calmness.

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